Richelle Mead owns these characters.
Chapter 13: A Harsh Reality.
The room was silent as I made my way to my bed where a sleepy Dimitri was laying. He looked as good as ever in his briefs and shirtless. I can spot all the dips and cuts of his muscles as he breathed in and out. I crawled in bed and he moved quickly to put his strong arm under my head. Once we were settled, I laid there and went over everything in my head. I could feel Dimitri's eyes on me as I looked to the wall and tried to keep my eyes there. He moved a strand of hair from my face and sighed. 'What's wrong, Roza?' I smirk at the return of that name and the way it rolled off his tongue. 'Nothing much.' He laughs quietly as my smirk grows into a wide smile. 'No, there's something on your mind. What is it?' I shrug and turn from my back to my side to face him. 'I don't mean to damper the mood, but...' I sigh in frustration and hesitance. 'What is it?' When he looks at me, suddenly the courage I needed finds its way to my voice. 'You and your dad, there's a lot of pain there.'
The statement slash question lingered in the air and I wanted to erase that moment from ever happening. I closed my eyes in embarrassment and wanted to slap myself. 'It's hard to explain.' My eyes shot open as he answered and began playing with my hair once again. 'I took her away from him. So I should suffer and be punished for what I did.' I hated that answer as soon as I heard it. I didn't see things the way he did and it made me mad he would tolerate his father's pathetic behavior. 'Why do you let him make you feel guilty? You just let him run your life.' The words had escaped me before I could control them and not seem so frustrated, but it was too late now. 'Because it's true, Roza. It's just how things have to be-' 'No, it's not. It was an accident. You were trying to protect her.' Once again I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I find myself sitting up and glaring at Dimitri. He just sighs and stares at me with a stoic gaze, watching as I become more and more aggravated with his logic. 'When he asked about whatever he was looking for, you didn't even flinch at him. You weren't scared or didn't back down from him and that was good, but I don't see how you would come to school with bloody noses or broken arms. I don't understand that, Dimitri.' He swallowed and sighed while sitting up to lean on the wall where my bed was next to. 'You don't have to understand it, Roza; it's just the way things are. It's how it's always been.' 'But it doesn't have to be like that, Dimitri. Can't you see? Life doesn't have to be about pain and someone hurting you, it could be good. It will be, you just have to give it a chance.' He sighed and looked away from me. 'I can't.. I can't- I don't know how to do the things you want me to do. I don't know how it's not my fault and how I'm not supposed to feel this way. This is all I've ever known, Roza. I did that to my family, I caused all of this. All I wanted was for him to pay for what he was doing to her and then it all went wrong!'
It didn't make sense to me. It was an accident, he didn't intentionally mean to push her, but it happen and now he thinks he deserves this life he's been pointed for so long. 'You're wrong. This isn't how you should feel or what you deserve. You were trying to protect your mother from someone who was hurting her. All you did was try and help, it was an accident.' He looked away and his eyes landed on the floor as I spoke my next words. 'You really think you killed your own mother?' A long silent minute passed us and then all he did was nod. That action made me even more frustrated with him and I wanted to slap him for even believing that for a second. 'I don't believe that.' 'You weren't even there.' His hard firm tone told me I was getting him upset, but I didn't care. 'I didn't have to be. I know you; you're incapable of hurting anyone unless you have to.' This time he did face me and his eyes were full of anger, but they were also full of wonder. 'You don't know that, Roza.' I shake my head and scoot closer to him, grabbing his hand and holding it in my own. 'I do. That's why I don't believe you when you say it's your fault. You said so yourself that you tried to help, but she fell. An accident, Dimitri. That's all it was and you feel guilty because you couldn't save her, because you think you failed. You let your father take advantage, you let him blame you and you believe him. He made you think it was your fault and so you just accepted it, like nothing.' He stayed quiet and said nothing. His eyes however, spoke a million words at once as they watered and he clutched them closed tightly. 'I don't believe for one second that you would ever hurt anyone you love. You're too busy protecting them.' And with that last sentence spoken, Dimitri had cracked and the tears kept falling. I held his shaking body to my own and hugged him as close I could. It was like years and years of guilt that had been held back were now getting to be relieved.
.D.
'Mama!' 'Dimka! What did you do, what did you do брат?' The pounding of feet slamming down the stairs rumbles in my ear as Sonya rushes to mother's side. There's tears blurring my eyes and the image of my mother lying at the bottom of the stairs in a crumbled heap causes more to fall. 'Mama! Mama, wake up! Please! Mama, Проснитесь!' Viktoria cries and screams at her lifeless body in pure agony. I want to move, I want my feet to move down the stairs so I can touch my mother. So I can scream at her to wake up and be okay, but my feet don't move. I just watch, I watch in horror as my sisters scream and cry for her. 'Vika, call an ambulance! Go! Get help for her!'
Sonya's screams echo in my head and the blur of my eyes deepens. My thoughts all scrambled, my head aches and my body shakes as though I'm not even here at all. It was sort of an out of body experience. I couldn't comprehend if this was really happening, if I was really here or if my mother was really there. The bloods spilled from her head seem to paint the floor quickly with its deep redness. My sisters both in panics, the toddler Sonya had crying in the room for her mother and the fading of noise in my head. It was all so sudden, all so vivid. I didn't know what to do. My fist hurt from hitting my father so much. My head from the rush of emotions flooding through me and my heart. My heart ached the most, it made it hard to breathe and hard to snap back into reality. I hear footsteps behind me, rushing back and forth as a voice hysterically pleads for help. The baby still screaming at the noise and chaos of the house and the people in it. I still can't move, getting air to my lungs seems impossible and my eyes don't move from the lifeless body sprawled out on the floor. Then suddenly my watery eyes clear, the air forces its way through me and my mother's eyes snap open. 'Eго хорошо, Dimka, его хорошо.' I can't hear her voice, but I can read her lips. And then my eyes snap open.
A deep rush of air escapes me and I swallow deeply at my vivid dream. The ceiling above me is white, the curtains slightly letting the sun seep through and the beautiful body of my peace lies next to me. Her hair messy and covers her face, but I've never woken up from a bad dream to something so beautiful before. I slowly and carefully move a strand of her dark smooth hair and it reveals her lips. I smile softly and let her sleep. I look to the window and through the small opening spot the outside. It looked cold, but the sun was out. The winter here in Montana was nothing like the ones in Russia. I remember them as a boy, before moving to the states. I miss that place, my grandmother's house and the way it would smell when someone was cooking. My sisters and nephew and nieces. I missed them, I've missed them dearly, but it was better to stay away. They didn't need me reminding them of what I had done. 'Hey.' A slight sleepy whisper snaps me out of my demeanor and I look back to Rose. She stretches and sits up on the bed next to me. She smiles at me and I smirk back, taking in her beauty and all that comes with it. The way she made me forget, the way she didn't give up and the way she makes me feel. Like anything and everything is possible.
As she gets up and grabs clothes to dress in, I watch in amazement. How this person who I only saw once or twice at school had planted herself in my life. How all the good she brought me seems to make me want to never give her up again, no matter my father and trouble. How when she ties her hair up and stops to smile at me as I watch her, just makes me want to kiss her hard and good. I stand and make my way around the bed to her. She watches with a smirk as I reach my hand out and grab her arm pulling her closer to me, and just as I'm about to lean in. 'Kiz!' We hear and step away from each other quickly. 'Yeah, pop?' We still face each other and keep our eyes locked, but soon the door jumps open and the moment is gone. 'Are you- oh, Dimitri...' Abe stands at her door with a confused look that's quickly turning to amusement. I take a step away from Rose and fold my arms behind my back for some odd reason. 'Um- good morning sir- uh Abe.' I slightly stumble at getting the words out as Abe keeps his eyes back and forth to me and Rose. 'Good morning... Would you like some breakfast?' Abe's eyes change to a look of amusement and before I could answer, Rose interrupts. 'Um, yeah, pop that would be great. Thank you.' He takes a few seconds to turn around and nods before leaving. As Rose is about to speak again, I snap my head to the door where Abe is once again standing. 'Did you two have a good night?' I move my eyes about the room as Rose closes her eyes in embarrassment. 'Pop!' Abe just smiles widely and nods as he continues on down stairs to the kitchen.
Rose shakes her head and sighs at her father's antics still a little embarrassed. 'I'm sorry, he's a little crazy in the mornings.' I smile slightly. 'It's okay, Roza.' She nods at me and steps a little closer as I also do. 'How are you feeling this morning?' She asks with a concerned look on her face. It makes me smile sadly, but it also brings me a feeling I've not felt in a while; relief. 'I feel good, thanks for asking. Good morning.' I push away the seriousness of the moment and change the subject to lighter one. I don't want to damper this mood we have gotten lucky to have, she smiles and steps closer. 'Good morning.' I meet her half way and we slowly lean in to each other, not letting our eyes wonder away as our lips meet lightly at first, but linger after. We break away and keep ourselves close to one another. Rose smiles wide and I watch as she reaches up and runs her small fingers through my messy bed head. We smile at each other and I think nothing can go wrong today, not one single thing. A loud thump and the sound of pots hitting the floor snap us out of our moment and Rose's eyes change quickly to worry. Without words we make our way down stairs and just as I turn the corner into the kitchen with Rose a step behind me, I stop. Rose gasps as I get my mind to react and kneel next to Abe's unconscious body on the kitchen floor.
.R.
It was like a blur. A silent, moving picture that I couldn't get focused on. It was kind of like everything was happening so quickly and I didn't know what to focus on. All I know and all I felt was fear. It rushed through my veins and out with every breath I took. All I could see were the paramedics rushing to get my father into the ambulance. Dimitri rushing down the stairs and handing me clothes, pulling and pushing me with him as we walked to the truck and I unconsciously got in. I look out through the open doors of the vehicle and see Dimitri watching me in a concerned look, but keeping his emotions intact. The driver comes in front of him and Dimitri says something to me, but I don't hear it. The paramedic closes the doors and with a loud boom of the locks clicking together everything snaps into motion.
The van comes alive and with it I can hear the loud siren. I can feel the the bumps as we drive at about full speed to the hospital. It feels like everything is just happening and I'm just passing by with it. I could feel myself take deep breaths after deep breaths and then I finally look to my father. The oxygen mask is placed on him and the guy working on him talks to me, but I don't hear him at all. Instead I hear another voice, a familiar deeper one. 'Kızı! Kızı, where are you?' Once I spot my father's hand shooting up in searching for my own, I grab it and lean in to look at him. He smiles barely and then squeezes my hand lightly as if using all his strength. 'I'm sorry about breakfast, kiz.' I swallow down my tears and the large lump forming in my throat and shake my head. 'It's fine, pop.' My voice cracks at the words. He squeezes my hand once again and adjusts the clear plastic mask. 'I thought I had more time..' His voice comes out in a whisper as the medic tells him to relax. My heart drops at his echoing words still sounding in my head. I grip his hand harder and once again swallow the forming tears.
I didn't want to cry in from of him. I didn't want to fall apart yet when I know he needs me so much right now. As we drive through town I just hold his hand and watch as he slips in and out of consciousness. 'What happen?' I keep my eyes to my father as I answer the medic low enough he almost doesn't hear me. 'I don't know, he was on the floor when we went in the kitchen.' The medic nods and checks on Abe and then turns back to me. 'And has this happened before?' A take a moment and to think over the last time this happen and quickly flash back to that unfortunate day. The day I first found my father on the floor of the living room and all emotions hit me again, breaking me away and back to reality. I nod silently as the tears fall suddenly. 'Is there any medical conditions he has?' I close my eyes and try to clear myself of all the feelings flowing through me. The fear especially. 'He has cancer.'
...
I sit in the lobby of the emergency room and stare at the bare white wall in front of me. I answer all the questions the nurse asked and walked along the gurney as they wheeled my father down the halls of the clean smelling hospital. It was just a second ago when they kicked me out of the room so they could work on Abe. I feel like this dark glooming cloud has made a permanent spot over my head and has sucked up all the bright and happiness I was feeling not long ago. This cannot be happening, this isn't right. This was way too soon then we both had thought. Abe's words still going off in my head and making the lump in my throat grow, the want to cry now a need and the sudden loneliness I'm feeling wanting to capture me whole. Any minute now and I'm going to lose it. I'm going let the darkened cloud take me and fall apart while my father fights for a little more time of life. 'Roza...'
I open my blurry eyes and watch as this tall blurred shadow gets closer and closer to me. I swallow the lump and stand barely keeping myself from shaking as Dimitri finally gets close enough and gathers me in his arms. He holds me tight and I lose myself in his embrace. I lose the fight to stay strong and let out all the worry and fear and sadness. It envelopes me and in his warmth I feel is the only way I can breathe. The only reason I haven't yet lost my mind at the worry and fear of losing my father. The only person who has never let me down, the only parent I have and the very reason I have this man holding me together right now. All my life my father has told me to never give up and to let myself out into the world. However, right now, I didn't understand how to be that strong person he taught me to be. It was a little strange, leaning on someone to get myself through something, but I'm glad I do have that. All thanks to my pop and his stubbornness. 'Rosemarie?' I step out of Dimitri's arms and come face to face with Alberta; she smiles sadly and puts her hand on my shoulder. 'He's okay, I gave him something for the pain. You could see him if you want.'
He looks older. His eyes closed and his breathing filling the room of a soft noise. I sit on the chair next to him and hold his hand. Dimitri stands and is leaning against the window, where the curtains have been slightly closed. The beeping of the heart monitor silences the room and I just stare at my pop. We did everything right, he was fine and then in a flash it's all gone. I didn't know if this was it or if this was a close call, but I prayed it would be the second option. We've been sitting for what seemed like forever. Every now and then I would be standing by the window and Dimitri would be watching the monitors. Then I'd sit at the end of the bed, my legs folded under me and I watch my dad takes breath after breath. The sun has been down for I don't know how long and all I keep thinking is that his eyes will open any minute now, but it doesn't happen. 'Rose, can you come with me for a second. We need to go over a few things.'
.D.
Roza nods tiredly and gives me a look saying if anything changes to get her. I nod and sit at the chair next to her father's bed. A few minutes go by and it's silence in the room. There's always something, whether trouble or heartache, there's always something cutting off the good moments of life. This was a lot to endure and a lot on Rose especially. She didn't deserve this and I hated that. The way she loves is with all of herself and here it's as if the world will always make her struggle to be loved back. I swallow deeply and run over the never ending thoughts of my mind. They circulate like sharks, always making things so much more risky. It makes me want to fix this for her. It makes me want to do whatever and anything just so she doesn't have to feel any ounce of pain.
I sigh in deep thought as I ponder over everything that has gone on. I go over the words that Roza said last night and ask myself the same question. Did I love her? 'Rosemarie?' His shallow voice echoes in my head and my eyes snap to his pale face. 'Mr. Mazur?' I lean in and grasp his forearm lightly realizing who he was asking for. 'Rose...' I lick my lips in anticipation and shake my head. 'No, no it's me, Dimitri.' He swallows and inhales deeply. I try to make my escape and go find Rose so she can see him, but as soon as I move he pulls me back. 'Dimitri...' I nod and pad his shoulder so he knows to let me go, but he whispers again. 'Dimitri, where's Rose?' 'She's with Alberta, I'll go and get her for you, okay.' He nods and I move to leave again, but he pulls me back and breathes deeply. 'She loves you.' It wasn't a question, but a statement and very true one. I nod at his words and wait as he gains strength to speak again.
'She loves you, my kiz, so much. She didn't even realize it at first.' I nod again and watch as his lips move in a slight smirk. 'You will take care of her, keep her safe and happy? Let her love you so she can finally be able to live her own life.' I take a moment to go over his words and nod at his awaiting eyes. 'She needs you- she needs you to let her in. So you can see how beautiful life can be. No pain... No hurt or suffering, just love. Your good for each other, but not here' I let him take a rest and try to push away my nagging sense to not feel like I would only burden Rose. 'Don't run from her... You're running from the wrong thing, run with her.' It didn't make any sense. What was he saying about running, what did he mean by away from here? 'I- I don't understand, sir.' He nods and licks his dry lips. 'I thought I'd at least get to see her graduate. I really wanted that for her. It doesn't look like that's going to happen.' I swallow the intense words he seems to be spilling and take in his meaning of them. I lightly squeeze his shoulder in understanding. 'I don't want you to worry, Mr. Mazur. I'll keep her safe, Roza will be okay. I promise.' He nods and squeezes my arm in return. 'I know it's why I trust you. Take care of our girl.' His eyes close again as the next dose of medicine takes its effect and he's out.
Russian words: brother/ wake up/ its okay. Turkish words: daughter.
That was emotional. Again. Thanks a heap for the alerts, favs, and reviews. You are some awesome people, seriously!
The next chapter will be up as soon as im done with it and Lissa will return, so be prepared to want to punch someone or maybe not. (:
Thanks for reading!