Author's note-November 22-Ville Valo's birthday. So…why not post this chapter up then, after all-it would only make sense to do something as awesome as that. Celebrate my favorite music artist's birthday, as well as part one of this finale. That…and my computer crashed so all attempts at posting it up several days ago failed miserably. Oh yeah, there will be a part two…what a surprise.
Disclaimer-Ughhh, I own nothing. Why do they even make us put this up to begin with?!
Blah-I saw this funny video on youtube, a kingdom hearts one. Vex took Mar to court after being molested for the umpteenth time. Xigbar and Luxord were lawyers…which in itself is enough to make this one of the funniest things I've seen. But it got better...Saix was a puppy cop person, and Luxord got drunk and choked out by Zexy, and Xigbar shot Axel. It was freaking hilarious. There was a XigDemLux moment in there too which made me almost cry. But you don't care about this…you just want to read the story…ok then, go ahead…
Post Partum- Just add "X"
I feel so warm and yet there is this cold feeling within the pit of my soul. I'm not all too sure where I am, but I know there is simple acceptance to this existence that I currently am in. at first I assume that I've faded…then I assume that I'm asleep. I can move my limbs, and I can walk about and feel myself if I touch a part of me. I concluded that this must have been a dream of some sorts. But what was I dreaming?
I'm surrounded by darkness, and despite the fact that I should worry over this, I cannot. I am just here, and I was there, and I'm ok with this. My body doesn't feel worn out and used, I feel new and energized. But despite this fact, I have no urge to run or move about. I'll take small steps, one at a time…and here I went. I had no destination in particular-no urge to go to a certain part of this world of mine; it all looked the same anyway.
There came a time where I wondered how long I had been dreaming. Knowing your asleep is a sign your about to come out of it. But time is irrelevant…what felt like a minute could well be an hour in the real world.
I heard voices around me.
I felt things move about and I could nothing about this. I didn't mind though, as said before, I was completely accepting of the world I was in. I felt empty but full, and I thought nothing more than what simply passed through my mind.
A wonderful dream; I almost wanted to stay here.
I wanted to stay.
But something drove me away, and whoever I was headed slowly brought me back into reality. A step would bring me closer to the voices. They were muffled, but I soon could make out words and sound, I could hear conversations and the voices beckoned me closer to reality. They wanted me to waken, and I slowly took another step. I had no idea where I was going. It was circles and shapes and a disorganized trail that I was headed to…but they got louder. And I could feel these voices touch me and probe me, trying to pull me back from the wonderful world that I was asleep in.
It didn't matter where I walked; I was going to wake soon. And as I took a step I realized there was something wrong. I couldn't place a finger on it exactly, but there was something missing within me. I lacked a body, but this wasn't it. I could feel myself and see myself despite this. It was something more, but I just simply could not perceive it.
And it was only then did fear finally grab a hold of me.
But by then…
Saix turned to Xigbar and the group of nobodies. They all had very regrettable looks on their faces. No one wanted to do this, not after making the decision to save the other. But Saix had ordered it to be otherwise, and they technically had no choice but to do what they had been commanded to do so.
Saix turned and faced the form that lay on the table. He approached him, not too afraid of what the other might say or do. He could hear the murmurs of the superiors behind him, but he still did not worry. He hovered over Xemnas, eyes glued to the still serene figure below him. Asleep, lost…this was what he was. A wonderful creature that would never wake up. He was perfect like this, and Saix felt a pain grow in him. What would happen when Xemnas did wake up? He would be given medicine soon…and he would wake up and realize something was missing. He knew Xigbar and the others would only tell him what he had ordered them to do. He would still lose Xemnas.
Saix placed a hand on the Superiors cheek. His skin was cool, losing warmth due to his slow breathing. Saix glanced over to where the waves of fear were coming from. The fear and worry he had sensed a while ago. It was still there. It knew there was something wrong, and it was afraid. It should be. Saix let his hand trail down just a bit; he was still not worried of what might happen to him. They could do nothing at this point; he had ordered the death… so what did it matter if his hand slipped a bit? He stopped right before touching the round abdomen. The fear was still there, but it had gone down quite a bit.
It was running out of energy, running out of time and will.
So this was it. It would simply suffocate to death and Saix at this point could honestly say he had nothing to do with it. It would die within the hour-with or without surgery to it. He would get away with it scotch free too. An autopsy would show it…the brain was lacking air, and cells were beginning to die, so he knew there was no blame to be put on him.
So…why did he feel like he was to be blamed for this?
Was it because he had placed Xemnas under so much stress, because he had caused him so much pain and irritation…that this was the out come of his poor actions? That everything he had done and he alone, that this was how it was to end up? Xemnas would have been assured a healthy nine months if he had kept quite, or if he had never done this in the first place. He should have controlled himself better. He should have never have slept with Xemnas in the first place…this was his fault. Xemnas could die, even with treatment, and it would be his fault. Saix had done this, he had done it, and he had done it.
Xemnas…
"Wait," Saix said.
"What," Xigbar asked, looking up from his sad demeanor. "What do you want from me now, huh?" The sniper glared at Saix.
Saix shook his head.
He was afraid. Of what, he could not comprehend. Xemnas would die if he told them to save the child…but saving Xemnas and killing the child-would it not be the same thing?
Xemnas risked his life for the child, and if he killed it…Xemnas would give up. It was simple as that. Xemnas gave everything to ensure the child would be born…alive and well. If he took that away from him…then he would be no good as the child. The child took away things…but he knew better. He had thought it many times…Xemnas hardly had anything to call his own now. He had lost so much; power, privilege, and he had even lost Saix.
Xemnas really had only one thing to call his own now.
Could he really take that away…?
Saix knew he loved Xemnas…and for someone to love another was it not their job to make sure the other was happy? If you loved someone, do you hurt them and take away all hopes and dreams?
If he let the child die, Xemnas would live…but he would lose Xemnas forever.
But, if he gave Xemnas the child…he would still lose Xemnas. Not through the form of sadness and hatred, but through the uncontrollable fate of fading.
"What is it," Vexen asked hastily. "We don't have all day for you to ponder through your problems!"
"Wait," Zexion said to Vexen. Could it be…that maybe…Saix was thinking beyond selfish needs?
The sleet haired nobody approached Saix, his dark blue eyes staring intently at the taller nobody.
"Number VII," Zexion said nervously. He knew he could be wrong, but he wanted to have things go another way.
Saix stared quietly at Zexion, waiting to hear what the superior had to say to him.
"I…I know he would understand…if the decision came to it," Zexion said, his eyes locked on to the other nobody, "I think he would bow down gracefully and let his son live in his steed."
Saix closed his eyes after hearing the solemn words leave Zexion's mouth. He felt his throat tighten up and his non existent heart race with rage and frustration. He placed his hand on his face and shook his head, not wanting to hear it. But he knew it was true. Xemnas would want it no other way.
He would want the child to live.
And it killed Saix to know this.
But…if he was to lose Xemnas, would it be better to lose him knowing he made the right decision…or losing him knowing that he could have proved himself worthy of his love to him?
"I…," Saix muttered quietly. He wanted Xemnas to say those words again, and he wanted to say them back and mean it. He wanted to tell him he was sorry and that he wasn't thinking, and that he should have known better. But how could he tell Xemnas these things if he was to fade away? If he let a child, a child that he had no real feelings for, live…and to have Xemnas die, how could he ever prove himself worthy of Xemnas' love?
There would be no afterlife for their kind, no solace or new beginnings. Xemnas would simply fade away and he would be left never knowing if Xemnas ever forgave him or was possible of forgiving him. But if Xemnas lived he could rest assure that Xemnas would never look at him again…he might even rid of him.
But he wanted Xemnas, and only Xemnas. How could he possibly get what he wanted without losing what mattered most to him?
Saix felt a tear roll down his face, frustration taking the best of him.
But…
What would he do?
Xemnas needed blood to survive…and his was simply not going to clot for him. He couldn't live without at least half of the original amount in his body-and surgery could take quite a bit from one.
How…?
The light was blinding. I had to close my eyes soon after opening them, the brightness almost causing my retinas pain. I squint just a little and notice how blurry my vision is. I open them fully and try to get a better view of where I am, though it appears that vision will not improve anytime soon. Weak eyesight; how long has it been since I've used them?
I blink again and look around, it's cold and dark and I can't really move. My body feels sluggish and out of place, and I feel as if I hadn't enough sleep.
I'm not in my room.
I blink and look about the dimly lit room, trying to make out certain signs and figures. Despite the low lighting, I have to squint. It's too bright for me still. I decide to lift my arm; it feels heavy and sluggish, almost as if it were not a part of me. I can't even lift my other. I glance over and stare at my other arm. I have a needle inside of it, and a long tube connected to it. I'm in the infirmary.
I'm in the infirmary. I feel fear immediately hit me, along with the sick realization that something, at some point, at some time…has happened to me. (People may forget what happened to them before a seizure) I need to get up. I'm stuck on my back and I can't move…I need to see what happened while I was out.
"X-Xemnas," A startled voice says from afar.
I groan lightly and turn to where I heard the voice. My eyesight is still a mess, but I can make out the blurry figure of a black cloak and light colored hair.
The figure stood still; either shocked from viewing my form or me simply being awake, I'm not all too sure. I can't see the face and get a look of who it is. My hearing is a bit fuzzy too; I must be on some sort of strong medication.
"You're awake," the voice said. It was Vexen's voice. At least, I think it is?
"Num-Number IV?"
The sound of boots walking over fill my ears and I soon see the face of one of my colleagues. It is Vexen. I blink a few times, trying to get my eyesight to adjust to the blurry world around me. Even with the small distance between us, his face was still not completely defined.
"Xemnas," Vexen said in shock. "You're finally awake-I was beginning to worry about you."
I stare at him. How long have I been asleep? When did I fall asleep? What was going on?
Vexen apparently read the confusion on my face, and he sat himself down on a chair next to the bed that I laid on. I gave a glance around the room. Although I could not see all too well, I was sure I was in the infirmary. I knew something had happened to me, and it must have had a negative affect to my body since I am on some sort of strong medication.
"How are you feeling, "he asked me carefully.
"Tired," I reply. I want to get on with it. Tell me why I'm here.
Vexen nodded his head. "That would make sense; you are on a morphine drip. That and you've been induced in a comatose state for about a week."
My eyes widened.
I was in a coma. No…I was left in a coma?
"Of course, you must understand," Vexen continued, not looking at me, "in order for you to heal faster we decided it would be better to leave you in that state. Better you use as little energy as possible."
"How did I end up in a coma," I asked.
"You had an epileptic seizure," Vexen answered in a very "as a matter of fact" tone. He almost seemed unfazed by the fact of it. "Chances are you've gained some short term memory loss, though there really isn't anything to worry over…"
"I seizured," I ask. I shook my head in disbelief. I had a seizure, which was not good. No, this was terrible. I've been out for god knows how long and I…and I…
"You've been out for about two weeks," Vexen continued. "We stopped inducing about a week ago, and you've slowly been coming out of it since then…"
"I've been in a coma for a week," I ask him.
"Yes."
"And you left me in it for what reason exactly," I ask with a sudden feeling of remorse. In order to keep someone in this state you need medicine, strong medicine.
Vexen sighed. "You…were having complications…"
I swallowed.
"You were not coming out of it…and you were not breathing on your own for a few minutes, we had to help you," Vexen said. "And without any aid of medication, we were sure you would seizure again…it was so bad that your blood was beginning to thin and was incapable of clotting."
I frown. I could feel a stinging sensation hit me slowly as I begin to realize where this conversation was heading. I was too weak to lift myself up, but I knew there was something wrong. Something missing. Something that was no longer there.
"Number VII and Number II have been taking lead since you were out," Vexen continued on, still not looking at his Superior.
Saix was in charge. I didn't need to be completely awake to know the consequences that came along with that. I've already come to accept that he wanted nothing to do with mychild, and that he wanted him out of the picture as well. If he was in charge, that put Xigbar at second, and he couldn't make any important decisions with Saix's consent. I can only guess where this was going, but the very knowledge I had, as little as I did posses, only made me feel worse.
"Eventually, we had to operate on you," Vexen muttered. He looked up at his Superior. "In order for you to heal faster, we left you as is."
I nodded my head slowly, not really wanting to listen to anymore.
"Xemnas?"
Vexen turned and looked over to the doorway. I didn't bother.
"He's awake," Vexen said to the nobody.
I heard footsteps and glanced over at the blurry figure that was slowly coming into view. My eye sight was getting a bit better as he was more defined as he got closer to me.
It was Zexion.
"Xemnas," he said calmly. "I'm glad you've wakened, much has happened while you were out."
I nod my head.
"Is there something wrong," Zexion ask me.
Yes.
"How much have you explained to him," Zexion asked Vexen.
"Less than half," Vexen said tiredly. "I'm trying to go piece by piece. I don't want him to bear a heavy load right after waking up."
Zexion turned to me.
"Is there something you need to know right away," he asked quietly. "You don't have to be afraid…I'll tell you what Vexen might try to hide from you."
"…"
"I need him to relax," Vexen said, "you heard what Xaldin-"
"Screw Xaldin," Zexion said in a very Xigbar fashion. "He needs to know exactly what's going on…I'm sure he'll rest better knowing the truth rather than wondering what happened."
I felt myself tremble with fear and doubt. I'm afraid to ask.
"He's…not here," I murmur, "…is he?"
Zexion stared at me in confusion.
"Is he…," I ask weakly. "Is he…gone?"
Zexion stared at me, his blue eyes locked on to mine.
My eyes widen.
"Right after you fell into a coma," he murmured, "we had to come to a very important decision…whether to save your life…or your child's."
"You…can't'," Zexion muttered.
"It's for the best," Vexen said sadly.
"Best for whom," Zexion asked.
"Xemnas is our leader," Lexaeus said to Zexion.
"He wanted his child to live," Zexion said, tears running down his pale face. "He would want us t save it."
"…"
"…"
"…it's true," Xigbar said. "…he would want us to save the kid."
"And eventually," Zexion muttered on, his gaze looking off to a distance, "Xigbar was given to decide that we would save the child, since we figured you would want us to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"I see," I muttered quietly. No, that was very fair. I understood completely on the decision making. But…I'm awake…and this only meant one thing to me.
"Well," Xigbar said, his voice a little shaky with unsurely and fear. "As the highest ranking nobody-it is my duty…."
"But then…," Zexion muttered. "But then-"
"Saix came in…didn't he," I asked with a weak smile. Oh, I knew where this was already heading.
Zexion nodded his head.
"He took control right before Xigbar had time to give out the order," Zexion continued. "And Xigbar was forced into second command at then." Zexion closed his eyes. "And he wanted you to live, rather than the child."
"…"
"He decided that if he was to lose his place in power," Zexion continued, "it would be through the means of you-rather than anybody else."
I sank into the bed, incapable of really saying or feeling anything at that point. So he took it away? He took it all away without any given concern for what I may feel afterward? Was that really how it was supposed to be?
Was that really what was intended for me all along? Irony, in its cruelest form possible; take away the only thing I had…the thing I wanted to rid of in the beginning was gone now.
"…but," Zexion said, still looking out and not really paying attention to me.
I glance over and look at him.
"…something happened," Zexion said. He shook his head and I saw tears run down his face. "I never thought," He whispered, "I never thought something like this would ever happen…but…"
"I…I know he would understand…if the decision came to it," Zexion said, his eyes locked on to the other nobody, "I think he would bow down gracefully and let his son live in his steed."
He watched Saix tremble in thought, not wanting to hear the words that had just been spoken to him. He didn't want to hear that Xemnas would rather die than live without his own kin. Saix shook his head several times, trying to forget it, to ignore it…or perhaps, to accept it.
"I…," Saix muttered quietly.
Zexion bit his lip, trying to hold in the angst that was filling him slowly. All the hard work he had done, the work that he had put into making sure Xemnas and his child would be safe. He had gotten a fellow nobody hurt, and he had gone days without sleep or aid…and now he was stuck hoping Saix would let his hard work bear some fruit, even if it meant only one would be save.
"I…don't want him to fade," Saix said. He looked up and stared at Saix. Zexion stared at the broken nobody, his face lined with tears. "He can't…I can't have him fade away."
"He won't completely fade…," Zexion said, "he could still live on."
Saix shook his head.
"Not in the form that you know," Zexion added, "but in the form of his child! The child that you and him made together!"
Saix's face was covered by his gloved hand. He didn't seem to be listening to what Zexion had to say.
"Saix…please," Zexion said. Lexaeus sighed and placed his hand on the nobodies shoulder.
"He isn't going to listen," Xigbar said snidely.
"We're wasting time hear," Xaldin said with a sigh. "We need to hurry and administer his medication before we lose him too!"
Vexen sighed and glanced at the wound he had made a few minutes ago. "His blood flow is finally slowing down…perhaps we won't need to overkill on the medication?"
Saix glanced at Xemnas once more and stared at the wound. What should have taken a few seconds to clot had taken minutes…a large incision would easily kill him. His blood would run low in minutes, and he would die within the hour.
Even a nobody needed blood to survive.
Blood…
"…I'll give it to him," he said weakly.
"What," Zexion asked confusedly.
"I'll…give him blood," Saix said. "He needs blood right…I can give him some. I only need six to survive…"
Vexen shook his head. "That's not how it works Number VII."
Zexion's eyes widened. Saix…would be willing to save both?!
"We can do it," Zexion muttered. "With the right blood type and if we're really careful…we can do it."
"Are you crazy," Vexen asked.
"All we need is to take a good four pints from Saix, and maybe another nobody," Zexion said. "We'll just feed it in his veins while we operate."
"Well, what the hell are we waiting," Xigbar said with open enthusiasm. "If we're going to do this now-then lets get us some blood."
"We'll also have to administer some of the powerful drugs as well though," Zexion added. "So we'll have to be quick."
"How much time," Vexen asked.
"Hardly any," Zexion answered.
Zexion turned to Saix.
"Will you be willing to let us operate," Zexion asked.
"…"
"He'll never let you close enough…but," Zexion said, "I promise to tell him that you tried, that you were willing to save both."
"Don't tell him that," Saix muttered quietly. "What a lie that would be…"
"Nevertheless, you're suggestion may save both of their lives," Zexion said.
"It could kill both of them too," Saix said coldly. He shook his head. "I almost want to forbid this." More tears ran down his face.
"Will you," Zexion asked. "Will you take away the only thing he has left to himself? The one and only thing he was willing to share with you?"
Saix frowned. "No…" He shook his head. "I…will not take that away from him."
Zexion nodded his head. He was sure he was crying as well, but he couldn't be too sure, everything seemed to blur and mix. He was just so ecstatic that Saix was willing to save both, even if he did not completely mean it for that way.
"He'll be so happy when he wakes up," Zexion said.
"Promise me that he will," Saix sad weakly. "That he will wake up…alive and well."
Zexion nodded his head.
"I promise."
Saix nodded his head. He would let them perform the operation.
Xaldin nodded his head. He pulled out a syringe from the drawers and began to put it together, ready to take a good amount of Saix's blood for the operation to come.
Saix glanced over at Xemnas for what he assumed would be the last time.
"I'm sorry he whispered, "I'm so sorry that I never told you how I felt…that I never took into consideration on how you may have felt…that we just never bothered."
He let his hand graze across the sleeping nobody.
"I know you'll never come to see this as an actual reality…but I just thought you should know…I love you," Saix closed his eyes. "I love you so much…even though I know I could never come to feel it as you do, I love you. And what I did to you-it was not what I should have done…"
Vexen and Zexion glanced over to where Saix an Xemnas were, just barely making out the words spoken.
Saix turned and faced Xaldin.
"Come with me," Xaldin said, "You'll probably pas out, so we'll need to find you a bed to rest on before we take out the four pints."
"You guys want me to go and find another nobody who can donate," Xigbar asked…
…
"…we performed on you, and there was a lot of concern over your health once it was finally over," Zexion said to his Superior, "so we figured it was best to just keep you in your state till you're body was at least eighty percent stable." Zexion wiped away his tears and looked to me.
I wasn't sure how to react to this information. It did not seem real to me at all. The nobody who was about to step down ion me and kill my child, was he also the one who attempted to save our lives? Was this real to begin with, or was Zexion simply giving me false hopes so that I would calm down? Saix would do so many things for me in the past, but now I was very unsure. I couldn't some to see this as a possibility. He was going to kill him…how can he just change his mind and then decide to give both of us a chance at living?
"Where is he," I ask.
"Saix," Zexion asked.
I shook my head.
I now know he isn't here with me…and I needed to know if he was alive. Did he make it through the surgery; did he survive the two weeks in this world while I was out?
"…my son," I ask, "…Is he…alive."
Zexion took a deep breath and smiled at me.
"Yes…," he said, "he's alive. You can't see him right now-he can't leave his room, but if you're up for it, I can let you see him tomorrow."
"Are you quite sure that is a good idea," Vexen asked. "No one aside Xigbar is allowed in that room and Xemnas is still very weak."
"I'm sure Xemnas will find the strength in him to go," Zexion said to Vexen. He turned to me, "well Xemnas?"
Of course.
"Yes," I said weakly. I'm sad. I'm happy. I'm relieved. I'm so many things right now. He's alive, he made it through. He survived all the trials I put him through, and now he's finally a part of this world. A part of my world.
I felt tears roll down my face and I feel like I'm about to choke.
He's alive…
I want to see him, meet him for the first time. I want to hold him and tell him how sorry I am, hoe happy I am to meet him, and how grateful I am to have been able to have him in the first place.
"I'll meet up with Xigbar and tell him," Zexion said, still smiling. There were no more tears on his face.
"I really…would like that," I whisper finally.
Zexion nodded his head.
"Thank you…Zexion."
Saix walked down the long white hallway of the World That Never Was. He had known for almost two weeks now, as he had passed out for two days; that Xemnas and the child were just fine. He woke up to a brand new organization, one that was now viewing from a different perspective. They though better of him, though he was still treated with the same level of distance and shunning as before.
He had saved the Superior, and he had saved the superiors child-but he still was considered a danger to be around. Some members didn't even care that he had done this act; a few of the members still thought little of him. He did attack Xemnas, and he did try to kill the babe, and Marluxia and Luxord had to fight him in order to make sure Xemnas lived another day.
But there were your different personalities. Some of them simply ignored him.
"Oh ehm gee," an ecstatic Marluxia said as he glanced over at the dark sheet that his best friend had handed him. "It looks so cute Larxene-a perfect image of you already."
"Oh Marluxia, you tease," Larxene said with a bright smile. "Of course, you are right about the cute-and by that I mean me!!!" She smiled and stared at the picture she had handed Marluxia. "Though…I am a bit worried about my figure to be."
"Don't you worry," Marluxia said in a very positive tone, "I have the perfect diet that will help you look good throughout the whole pregnancy."
"Oh Mar, what would I ever do without you," Larxene giggled.
Saix sighed. Others continued to pick on him.
"So Roxas," Axel asked as he turned on the television, "you think he'll be alive by next week." Axel pointed over to Saix in a very obvious way.
"Axel…," Roxas whined.
"I'm just saying," Axel said, his voice going astray. He turned to Luxord and smirked. "What do you think game boy, you gonna give a guess of how much longer it will be before Xemnas wakes up and breaks his legs."
Luxord shook his head. "I do not find this topic to be very appropriate, especially with Saix being amongst us."
"You guys are no fun," Axel muttered.
Saix passed the group of nobodies. Some took notice in his deed.
"Saix," Zexion said as Saix was about to teleport off to his room, "can I have a word with you?"
Saix frowned, but nodded his head. He would have no choice but to stay on the superior's good side.
"He's awake," Zexion said simply.
Saix's eyes widened. His jaw dropped just a bit.
"You should be proud," Zexion said, "because of you they are both alive and well."
Saix then shook his head.
So they were alive.
Alive and well.
Without him.
It should stay that way…
It was better that way…
Saix took a breath and turned from Zexion, continuing on with his destination. He didn't really feel like teleporting anymore.
His part of this story was over now. He would continue to do as he was told, as second in command. He would not bother Xemnas with his worries anymore, and when Xemnas would remove him from power, he would bow down from his position without a word.
He would not tell Xemnas how he felt about this. He would come to Xemnas and beg for his forgiveness. He would never return to his side again. It was no longer his job to be his lover; he lost that ability along time ago. No…he had one job left to do. And this was to finish Kingdom Hearts.
"Goodbye Xemnas," he said with a sigh. No tears, no crying…no nothing.
Xemnas and Zexion found Xigbar asleep in his chair, exhausted over something. It only caught Xemnas' attention for a few moments, but after that he noticed the small little box that was right next to him. Xemnas took a step closer and noticed there was something inside of it, something small.
Zexion pointed. "Your son," he said simply, though he was sure Xemnas recognized him all on his own. Xemnas took a few more steps as he approached the sleeping infant, not noticing all the gadgets and machinery that surrounded him. He wasn't nervous for his son anymore, now that he was awake and well.
"He's so small," was the first thing Xemnas said. He said it with a weak hint to his voice, obviously shocked and startled with the small creature that lay before him. Amber eyes were wide in shock, Xemnas' body stiff and erect as ever as he approached the sleeping figure below him.
He knelt over, his eyes still locked on to the small little creature. He was in an incubator, and he had a needle in his small little arm, a tube providing him liquid and nutrients, as well a another tube in his small tummy, sine he was not ready to eat on his own yet. His eyes were closed, and to keep him from opening his premature eyes, he had a bit of surgical tape keeping them closed. He lay on his back, with a blanket below him as comfort, and had only a diaper as clothing, but it was very warm and ventilated in his little boxy world, so he didn't seem to mind so much. He was, in fact, quite small, a month and a half premature meant he was a few pounds below the average. And anyone passing by could tell by his stature that he would need some time to grow.
Xemnas, however, did not see this. He could see his pale, creamy skin, soft and smooth and extremely sensitive to touch. The tubes were invisible to him. He could see a messy nest of silky, silvery hair on top of the small little head, and right away he could see several of Saix's traits. He stared at the round cheeks, the delicate features of an infant, and he found himself almost incapable of speaking another word.
"We're assuming," Zexion said quietly, "that he has orange eyes." Zexion walked over and leaned down so he could get a better look at the sleeping infant inside of it. "They were almost translucent-with just a hint of pale orange to them."
Xemnas didn't say anything; all he could do was stare. This tiny little creature was alive, and it was breathing and alive and at peace and so very alive. It was his son, his child, his baby. His little baby. His fingers pressed against the plastic box as he glanced at the small little infant. He looked so much like Saix. His small little round face, his very expression. All he needed was the blue hair…
"He's at a very touch and go state," Zexion said. "So aside from cleaning him-we leave him alone…a good thing since he really doesn't like to be touched."
Xemnas turned to Zexion. "He doesn't like physical contact?"
"Xigbar's described him as very finicky," Zexion said. "It could be his personality, or perhaps he doesn't like being touched by something unknown…he can't see right now, and he may be simply scared."
Xemnas smiled. "I hope it's the first…"
He stared at the small little child. A little Saix. He had slot the real Saix, but he had gained a new one. True, he wanted Saix…but he knew he wasn't going to have him. Saix would not remain with him as long as his son lived, and he couldn't bring it in him to simply forgive Saix for everything he had done. Yes, Saix had let him and their son live…but it in itself did not completely make up for everything else. Saix tried to kill…and that was enough to make him cautious-forever if need be. Still…he had this, and it was a part of Saix.
"I'm going to attend to some other things," Zexion said. "I'll leave you alone…you can wake up Xigbar if anything happens…"
Xemnas nodded his head, his eyes still locked on to his small child.
"Give him a week or so," Zexion added before walking out of the room, "he'll be ready to live out here soon…just give him a bit more time."
"…"
Xemnas wasn't paying much attention.
Zexion left the room, delighted in the fact that his Superior had come to understand that this was something to take pride in. He had gone through a lot of hell to prove this-but he finally got his point proven. He smirked; he should go see how Luxord was going now.
Xemnas knelt over, despite being just a tad sore, and faced the small little being. He was in a deep sleep, and he had not a care in the world-or at least that's what it looked like. Zexion could be right; he was scared and unsure why he had to leave his home. Why did his old home become so dangerous in the first place? Why did he have to leave so early? Xemnas worried over these things as he pressed his hand against the clear plastic. He could easily open up the incubator, if he wanted to, and he did, but he knew he had to be patient. It didn't seem fair that only Xigbar was allowed to touch him, but he knew it was for the best.
He stared at the tiny chest and watched it rise and fall with every breath. He was so full of energy. And he would only get stronger by the day, as long as he was properly cared for.
Xemnas looked over to the sleeping Xigbar. He wondered what Xigbar had done in the two weeks he had been out. Caring for his child of course, but possibly more. He was sure Xigbar had kept everyone out because he didn't trust them. Xigbar was upset about Saix still…and he was making sure no one could get close enough till it was safe.
Xemnas frowned. He had been so upset with Xigbar in the beginning…and here he was, helping him out while he was too weak to.
Xemnas returned his attention to the small infant.
He knew he couldn't hear what was going on from within, and the child couldn't her him as well, but Xemnas still spoke;
"…hello," he whispered.
He let a finger press against the hard material, covering just a bit of the infants face.
"…I don't what you're thinking exactly," he said, "but I'm sure you know this isn't right-this small world you've been put in." Xemnas removed his finger and stared at the sleeping face, a bit of silky hair covering it now as the child stirred a bit in his sleep.
"You're going to hate me one day," Xemnas said, frowning as he thought of the far future ahead of him, "and you're going to wonder why we might not always meet eye to eye on certain subjects." He sighed. "But…right now…I hope you can learn to accept me for what I am-as incomplete as I may be."
Xemnas watched the child stir a bit more before he found himself comfortable enough to rest again. He watched the small being rest again, his little chest going back into the same calm rhythm.
"I won't be perfect," Xemnas said, "and I definitely will not be able to provide you all the things you will require as you get older-"
"Oh my god," a tired Xigbar muttered, causing Xemnas to falter.
Xemnas looked up and stared at the tired looking Xigbar, who was staring down at him.
"Xemnas," Xigbar said, shaking his head, "do you really think now is the time to be depressing? The greatest day of your life and you're going to give your brand new son a depressing speech about how you're a nobody?"
Xemnas stared blankly at Xigbar.
"I think he deserves to know…"
"He can't here you through the ventilation," Xigbar said tiredly, sides, you really think he's gonna remember anything you said by tomorrow?"
Xigbar shook his head.
Xemnas sighed.
"I want him to know," Xemnas said.
"Tell him you love him," Xigbar said, "that's all he needs to know…"
Xemnas nodded his head. Xigbar got up from his seat and kneeled over and began to tamper with the incubator. Xemnas stared, wide eyed.
"What are you doing," he asked.
"Take off your gloves," Xigbar said. "You should feel his grip, its killer."
"I'm not supposed-"
"One touch wont hurt him," Xigbar said, "sides, it's a good thing to touch him while he's tired-other wise he'll get upset." Xigbar chuckled. "Little dude doesn't like to be messed with-guess he got that from you?"
Xemnas shook his head. No…not him.
Xigbar carefully opened a small circular opening on his and Xemnas' side. Xemnas removed his glove, his eyes staring at the inside of the box. The little boy shivered a bit, not liking a cool breeze that was entering his warm world. Xemnas decided to make this quick, so that his child would not be disturbed from his sleep.
Very carefully, he let his hand in. He felt a huge gap in temperature, as it was very warm inside the incubator. His eyes were locked on to his own hand, making sure not to touch anything else that was not desired, less he hurt of bother the tiny infant.
He noticed the head beginning to move. He wondered if he had made some sort of noise, or was it that the child had Saix's high and acute senses.
He let his hand over the child, and without much thought, touched his little face. There was movement right after, his son not exactly too fond of being touched right now. He could see obvious discomfort, not really liking this new stranger. He pulled his hand away just a bit.
"Don't be afraid of him," Xigbar said. "He hasn't gone berserk while on the watch. In fact, he hasn't even cried…real quiet and calm."
Another trait that belonged to Saix…
Xemnas watched the child stir more, trying to make out who was in the box. He had a look of confusion on his face, despite having his eyes shut. Yes, he could obviously smell a difference between Xemnas and Xigbar. Xemnas figured so, but it only made him more eager to have the child in his arms, to understand that his scent was something to not fear.
Xemnas touched the small fisted hand and watched it twitch as contact was made. He turned to Xigbar, who edged him on to continue with the pursuit of making hand to hand contact. Very light, he let his finger brush against the small fist, back in forth. He couldn't believe how soft the child's' skin was, how sensitive it must be. He heard a small cooing sound from the incubator. His eyes widened in surprise.
"So," Xigbar asked.
"Yes," Xemnas asked as he continued to stroke the tiny hand.
"You got a name for him," Xigbar asked. "I hate to think I'll have to keep calling him baby much longer."
Xemnas frowned. He was still trying to come up with one while he was pregnant.
"I don't know," Xemnas said.
"Well, he needs a name," Xigbar said. "It's important to give him one while his brains soaking up information."
"…He needs a good name," Xemnas muttered. He felt the hand twitch again, but the child didn't seem dissatisfied with him.
"Then give him one," Xigbar said, "It's not that hard-find something appealing and add an "x" to it."
"I can't just name him," Xemnas said. "I've yet to discover what kind of personality he holds."
"I just told you he doesn't like a lot of contact, and that he pretty much keeps to himself," Xigbar said. "He'll whine once in a while, but only when he needs a change…"
"Shy?"
"I guess so," Xigbar said, "but that's not a bad thing…I mean, he's premature and he's hold out pretty good. He's gained a bit of weight to…will not be long before he's put on a formula diet."
Xemnas stared at the little infant and smiled at him, watching the little hand open up after being touched too much. Was he ticklish?
"…Vixell," he said assuring. He turned to Xigbar. "How does that sound?"
"It's a good name as any," Xigbar said.
Xemnas nodded his head. He felt a small warm surround his finger and he turned back to the small infant. He had grabbed on to his finger, and was now squeezing it with all his strength. It was…actually pretty uncomfortable.
"Vixell," he said again.
He felt the grasp weaken a little, but the child still held on to him. Vixell still held on to him, almost as if he knew, at that moment, who this stranger was.
Xemnas smiled. Xigbar was right-he had a wonderful grip.
And Vixell would be just fine.
There needs to be another part for this story. I think we can all agree there is something missing in this picture...and that's booze. No, I'm kidding, but there will be another chapter. Now, as for the original ending-I'll let you decide whether or not I should post it up. Just so you know-it's the polar opposite of what was just typed out here.
Part Two will be up in...maybe december? I'll try to get it out as early aspossible ok? Maybe next week, maybe not-it all really depends.
Now, there is something I want to say to you all. Thank you. Thank you for reading this story and favoriting it, and telling me that I inspired you to do something. thank you for inspiring me to write this out. this wasn't originally going to be twelve...thirteen chapters long-and it's because of you that it's this long. Thanks for reviewing and alerting me-and thanks for telling me that I don't suck...that really makes my day. You guys really make me feel great, reading your reviews makes me feel better about who I am as a writer-telling me that you are on the edge of your seats-that you are making puppy dog eyes-or that i should use a potion...it's brilliant and clever and makes me smile.
Well, lets end this premature speech, as the story is not yet done, and let me ask you something. Please leave an answer on my poll-it's important. I'm trying to figure out what to write next-and the poll really helps out. And don't be afraid to PM me-I will listen to you! If you want a different pairing-tell me! I took the time to count votes-I will take your pm into much consideration.
Review!!!! Please!!!! Now!!! It's right there, below this sentence!!!!