Chapter Thirteen
Jo loved motels, she always had. Even when Dean had offered to pay for expensive hotels for them to stay in if they had gone anywhere Jo had turned down that offer in favour of saying in some crappy motel with bad TV reception and suspicious looking towels. Apparently it reminded her of all the road trips they had taken as kids with Bobby or Ellen, they reminded her of the times that she and Dean would stay up late with Sam eating junk food from the vending machines and watching whatever bad horror films were playing on the motel TV. Sam would always go to sleep quickly because he'd get scared but Dean and Jo would stay up for hours laughing at the fake blood and throwing M&Ms at one another. Now it was more Dean and Jo sat watching bad films with beer though the junk food from the vending machines was still a necessity. Jo's love for motels and the memories that came with it were just some of the few things that made Dean really love Jo sometimes.
When Dean returned from Castiel's, tired but happier than he had felt in a long time, Jo was fast asleep on her bed and snoring slightly. She was lying like a starfish with her mouth wide open and half her face smashed against her pillow. She looked peaceful and it seemed that there was no waking her, not that Dean wanted to do that any time soon, and so Dean decided to go for a shower.
As the hot water hit Dean's back he was hit with the memories from the night before. After weeks of thinking that Castiel only thought of him as a complete asshole the knowledge that Castiel didn't think of him as an asshole but also might have been in love him was a lot to think about. It was an awful lot to think about. Not only had someone said that they loved him but it had been Castiel of all people, sarcastic and smart Castiel.
Now the main problem was Pamela who had spent so much time trying to hide part of Dean from the world. There was no possible way Dean was going to tell Pamela yet because it would actually ruin everything once Pamela told him just how against she would be when it came to Dean having a relationship with Castiel. Pamela had been in control of Dean's public and private life for so long but now…now Dean wanted to be in control of this because he really did care for Castiel. He cared about Castiel and he needed him. Dean needed Castiel and that thought, that realisation was so surprising to Dean and that made him understand just how much he had grown to care for, and possibly love, Castiel since they had met.
Jo was awake when Dean came out of the shower though by the look of the huge pillow indentation on her face she hadn't been awake for long. Jo yawned loudly and stretched out like a cat before grinning up at Dean with a lascivious smirk on her lips.
"What happened to you last night?" Jo asked still smirking. "I was going to text you to see if you wanted to hit some of the bars here because apparently Chicago has some good bars according to some of my friends back in New York but you said something about talking to Anna so I decided to just leave you to it. I stayed here with a huge bag of Resse's Piece and was very happy because there was a very fascinating documentary on last night about the rise and fall of the Roman Empire; it was both exceptionally bloody and highly informative."
"You've been spending far too much time with Sam if you find a documentary on the rise and fall of the Roman empire fascinating." Dean muttered rolling his eyes at Jo.
"Shut up Winchester, it was brilliant." Jo said.
"You're a closet nerd." Dean said shaking his head.
"And you're dodging the question. So where were you?" Jo asked.
"I…I was at Cas and Anna's apartment."
"Oh yeah? Wait…did you talk to Anna about the thing? The last thing I heard was that you were going to go coffee with heard then you went MIA on me. Did you talk to her? Did you talk about the thing?" Jo asked.
"Yeah…yeah I did." Dean said as he shrugged his shoulders slightly.
"And…what did she say? God, trying to get a coherent conversation out of you is like trying to get blood out of a stone." Jo groaned loudly.
"She basically said that it would be better with us being friends as she didn't want to be flung into the limelight even more so than she has been already." Dean said scratching his neck somewhat. Jo rolled her eyes again which didn't help at all really. "What?"
"You said you told her about the thing…so tell me what she said when you told her about the thing."
"Ok…I didn't tell her about the thing." Dean said.
"For fuck sake Dean! I actually despise you sometimes." Jo snapped. "Why didn't you tell Anna about how you felt about Cas? She could have helped you know?"
"Jo, I didn't need to tell her because I think she already knew. She said some stuff that made it clear that she thought there was something between Cas and I…Jesus I sound like such a damn girl. Christ…" Dean muttered as he pulled a shirt on over his t-shirt. Jo rubbed her face trying to get rid of the pillow indentation though it did nothing to help in the end.
"Glad to know that Anna has eyes and isn't completely blind." Jo said sounding slightly muffled as she continued to rub her face. "What happened after that? You know, after Anna pointed out that it's obvious you're into her brother" Jo added once she stopped rubbing her face and stretched out again.
"We talked…"
"You talked…fantastic…did anything happen after you talked?"
"Well Anna left the café and that gave me some time to think."
"Well there's a first for everything in life I guess." Jo said with a smirk. "Then what happened? Please just tell me before I go insane."
"I ended up at Cas' apartment. We talked… well we kind of yelled at one another then I kissed Cas-"
"Wait…you kissed Cas and that wasn't the first thing you told me about? Dean your priorities are fucking awful!" Jo said groaning loudly as she crashed back onto her back.
"Yeah…Cas and I kissed…"
"And?" Jo asked from where she lying on her bed.
"And what?" Dean said with a shrug.
"You're being cagey…and you're only cagey when something big went down." Jo said suddenly sitting up quickly and staring up at Dean "Holy shit! You did more than kiss didn't you?" she then asked between pearls of laughter.
"Jo-"
"Holy shit…you and Cas had sex didn't you?"
"Jo-"
"You had sex with Cas! Oh my God, I am so damn proud of you right now."
"Thanks Jo. As you know I spend all my time seeking your respect." Dean said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.
"Oh stop being pissy with me Winchester, you got laid last night and with someone you clearly like so I'm going to sit here and be damn smug about it because I was right when I said that Cas would be butt naked screaming your name before the month was out. I feel like a proud mama bear right now." Jo said. "Wait is it's appropriate for a mama bear to be proud of hot steamy sex?" Jo then asked frowning slightly.
"How do you know it was hot and steamy?" Dean asked.
"Cas looks like the kind of guy." Jo said with a shrug. "So getting back to the important and serious bullshit…what are you going to do? About Cas I mean…you clearly like him a lot and he's obviously crazy about you despite him being a much better than you."
"Jo-"
"He's smarter than you and never starred in a Doritos commercial playing air guitar to ACDC." Jo said. Dean winced slightly at the memory of that damn commercial which Jo and Sam had mocked him about for months after it started airing. Damn Pamela…
"Where are you going with this exactly? And I don't mean about the Doritos commercial, I mean about Cas." Dean asked because Jo's constant questioning was starting to get to him. He had not slept enough last night, he hadn't had enough coffee and he was damn tired. He was tired but happy and Jo's constant questioning was making him lose the happy feeling in his stomach that he got whenever he thought about the night before with Cas.
"What I mean here is that you better tell me that you're not going to throw it all away with Cas because Pamela is going to have a fit once she has to tell the press that you're dating a guy."
"Who says I'm going to tell Pamela this?" Dean asked. "And who's to say that I'm going to date Cas?" Dean added even though there was no way that he was going to lose Castiel now that he had found him. Dean might have done some stupid stuff in his life, like thinking it was a good idea to once attempt a backflip off a diving board when drunk thus resulting in two chipped teeth, but he wasn't going to do another stupid thing like let Castiel go.
"For fuck sake...don't be so stupid. Pamela knows everything about you Dean, she knows about the cow tipping incident, she knows about the time when we were fifteen and you got arrested to smart talking a cop and she even knows about the time you got suspended for punching that guy who pushed Sammy down the stairs in high school. She is going to know about this and she's going to freak out because that is the only thing that Pamela ever does. She freaks out when she thinks that your precious image is at stake so she is going to freak out when she finds that not only are you going to date someone but the someone that you are going to date is the brother of the 'Win A Date' girl. She is going to freak. Simply as."
"Yes but if I don't tell Pamela-"
"She'll still find out because Pamela knows everything. She's like some God…or freakishly and accurately psychic." Jo said rolling her eyes heavily "Now what are you going to do when Pamela finds out?" she then asked.
"But if I don't tell her-"
"Dean! Did you not hear the 'God or psychic' comment? Pamela is going to find out, now what are you going to say to her when she does find out?" Jo asked.
"Um…" Dean muttered which made Jo lend forward and hit Dean around the back of his head. "Ow!"
"No Dean, you are not going to say 'Um' because that will give Pamela the chance to yell at you and she will take that chance because Pamelaloves to yell at you. You are going to tell her that you don't give a flying fuck that she probably doesn't agree with who you want to date because you are a grown ass man who can make his own damn decisions. You're twenty-six years old Dean and you can make your own fucking choices in life that aren't decided for you by Pamela bloody Barnes!" Jo said breathing heavily with what sounded like relief.
"How long have you wanted to say that to me?" Dean asked.
"For about three and a half years so you have no idea how damn relieved I am to finally be saying all this to you." Jo said groaning loudly. "You're my best friend Dean, we've known each other all our lives and I have never seen you so happy as you were when Cas was in New York with us. I've never seen you so happy than you are right now. Now if you fuck this up then I will kill you because you're clearly into Cas otherwise you wouldn't have had sex with him and I can't remember the last time you actually liked someone enough to actually admit it to them so please promise me that you will not fuck this up." Jo said sighing loudly once again.
"Are you done?" Dean asked when Jo sat back down on her bed.
"Yes but only because I'm hungry and by that I mean you're taking me out for breakfast because this place does not serve waffles so it's getting a firm six out of ten stars from Jo Harvelle."
"You spend far too much time in motels." Dean muttered shaking his head at Jo. "If I take you out for waffles then will you stop talking about this for a while?" Dean then asked. Jo nodded happily with a highly self-satisfied expression.
"Yes…but only until I've stopped eating waffles." Jo then said shrugging.
"Fine I'll take that. Go and get dressed then I'll buy you breakfast." Dean said with a sigh as Jo smiled smugly. Dean rolled his eyes while Jo actually sauntered towards the bathroom to get dressed.
Gabriel returned to the apartment with a brand new box of Pop Tarts, Apple Strudel because clearly he was trying to get Castiel to tell him things by purchasing Castiel's favourite flavour, while Castiel was explaining the previous night to Anna. Gabriel practically leapt through the door dramatically before taking two steps into the apartment, tripping over the large rug across the floor and Castiel and Anna watched as he crashed to the floor with a loud thump.
"I'm ok." Gabriel mumbled as his face was pressed against the floor. It looked painful yet neither Anna or Castiel moved to help him because Gabriel injured himself more often than a seventeen year old should.
"No one was asking to be honest." Anna said shrugging.
"Both of you are heartless and I demand new siblings." Gabriel muttered from the floor as he held up the box of Pop Tarts. "I travelled all the way to get Pop Tarts, Apple Strudel flavour I might add, and this is the thanks I get."
"The store is a five minute walk away from this building…and you've been gone for over half an hour." Anna said. Gabriel grumbled loudly as he pulled himself up off the floor and threw the box of Pop Tarts onto one of the kitchen counters.
"Yeah well it was obvious that you were kicking me out the apartment so you two could have some twin related bonding time so I gave you that. Plus your store has an excellent candy aisle I might add. Now can I find out about what happened with Cassie last night because I actually really, really want to know?" Gabriel said throwing himself down onto the floor in front of both Anna and Castiel. Castiel glanced at Anna and shrugged his shoulders. "What? Come on, will someone please just tell me what is going on?" Gabriel asked. "I know you two are best friends or crap like that but I'm also your brother and I've been left out of the loop with so much crap recently. Crap like Dean Winchester turning up in Chicago for Anna then Castiel not only being in New York when he's never left the state before a few months ago but driving back to Chicago with Dean Winchester. What is going on?"
"Gabe…I don't really know what's going on at the moment ok?" Castiel said.
"Cassie…Castiel that really doesn't answer anything that I asked. What is going on?" Gabriel said rolling his eyes.
"Gabe look I really…I can't-"
"Ok, Anna, what is going on? Clearly Castiel isn't going to tell me anything so I'm going to ask you." Gabriel said turning away from Castiel to look at Anna. Anna chewed her lip for a moment before sighing loudly.
"I ended things between Dean and I yesterday and one of the reasons was because I knew that Castiel is in love with him."
"Anna!"
"Oh for God's sake Castiel! You told him that you love him and you slept with him last night-"
"Dean Winchester was the one here last night? As in Dean Winchester? Dean Winchester has had sex with one of siblings but it was Castiel? Wait…Dean Winchester is gay?" Gabriel babbled as he stared at Castiel with a shocked expression.
"Gabriel-"
"This…this is huge and I mean huge. It's crazy…and it happened to Castiel of all people."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You're a sarcastic and boring nerd! When you're not sitting in your room watching some depressing film or reading a book written by a guy that died far too many years ago, whenever you actually do go out you just go to that crappy bar full of pseudo-intellectuals with that lanky Alfie guy who is, not so secretly, in love with Anna."
"Gabriel-"
"Shush I'm actually talking and hoping that someone will listen to me for once. You're a nerd Castiel who doesn't even like Cupcake Wars and the fact that Dean Winchester is into you is just…well its crazy." Gabriel said shaking his head.
"Thanks Gabriel…thanks…though I'll have you know that my dislike for Cupcake Wars is actually a good thing." Castiel said which made Gabriel roll his eyes heavily.
"It's just…you and Dean Winchester…no offence but this is going to take some getting used to." Gabriel said. "I mean…you and Dean Winchester. It's like some really cheesy romantic comedy…that Dean Winchester would probably star in to be honest." Gabriel added with an awed look towards Castiel. "You know what Cassie? I am very proud of you right now and I'm actually happy to call you my big brother"
"So….how was the sex?" Jo asked leaning across the table of the small diner she and Dean were sat in. Every now and then someone would look over as if to wonder if Dean was actually Dean Winchester before turning back. Dean wished that Jo would lower her voice because it was beginning to carry across the diner despite the general noise of orders being taken, coffee being poured and overall chatter.
"Eat your waffles and be quiet Jo." Dean said as he sipped his coffee.
"Dean! I haven't had sex in four months, sixteen days and twelve hours so I deserve to know how your sex was last night but not in a graphic way because that would be gross. I don't mean that in the 'you had sex with a guy' gross but the 'you're like my brother and I don't want to hear about my brother graphically having sex' gross" Jo said animatedly.
"You know it's sad when you have an actual countdown from the last time you had sex right?" Dean asked pointedly.
"Shut up about the damn countdown and just tell me about last night!" Jo said rolling her eyes.
"I thought you had sex with that tattoo artist from Brooklyn the other week." Dean said trying to deter Jo.
"Oh God no! He drank too much tequila and passed out on my couch so I rang my mom up and ended up complaining to her for two hours about how there are no decent men to date in New York." Jo said reaching for her own cup of coffee and swiftly draining it.
"It would help if you actually started looking for decent guys and not just hook up with the painfully hip douchebags that frequent your bar."
"You frequent my bar." Jo pointed out.
"Because you work there and they play good music not because I actually like the place Jo." Dean shot back.
"Wait…how did this conversation end up about me and my lack of decent hook ups? I want to know about you and Cas for fuck sake, so just tell me." Jo begged.
"Eat your waffles Jo." Dean said with a sigh.
"I'll eat my waffles when you tell me about you and Cas!" Jo whispered slamming her hands on the table dramatically.
"Fine, I'll tell you about last night if you stop slamming your hands on the table because you're going to cause a scene and the last thing I want is for a scene to be caused in the middle of some random diner in Chicago." Dean said.
"Yay!" Jo said smugly. "Now how did it actually happen?"
"What the sex or the whole thing?" Dean asked
"The whole thing! God…"
"Fine. I went to Cas' apartment to talk to him."
"About bloody time." Jo muttered.
"Are you going interrupt me at every sentence?" Dean asked sighing.
"No, this is the last time. Please continue." Jo said before shovelling a large mouthful of waffle into her mouth and chewing happily.
"Ok so I went to Cas' to talk to him about everything and we sort of got into a fight." Dean said and Jo opened her mouth to say something until Dean gave her a firm glare. She held up her hands in mock defeat and let Dean continue with what he was saying. "So we sort of got into a fight about how Cas constantly went on about how much of a dick I was and it turns out that he was only like that because he was trying to hide the fact that he was into me which really didn't help in the long run because that was one of the damn reasons why I liked him in the first place. I mean, he was sarcastic and blunt and a bit of a dick but that's why I liked him…he's still sarcastic and a bit of a dick but at least now I know that he doesn't think I'm an asshole."
"That's delightful Dean but what happened after Cas explained all of that to you?" Jo asked sounding irritated.
"I thought you weren't going to interrupt again" Dean pointed out.
"You're story is taking a long time. My waffles are going cold here."
"Well shut up and eat them then."
"Fine I will but hurry up with your damn story."
"Fine, Cas told me all this stuff then he gave me this speech about how he chooses not to like people because in then end you just get hurt and stuff like that though it sounded better when Cas said it to be honest then he told me that he liked me, that he might have been in love with me." Dean said and once again Jo opened her mouth to say something but once she saw Dean's face she stopped and just carried on eating her waffles. "Then he just stood there with this sorrowful expression on his face that nearly killed me if I'm being honest and he just begged me to say something…but I couldn't…I just couldn't Jo because he had said all this stuff about why he was the way that he was and I was just so relieved that he didn't hate me and that this thing between us hadn't all been in my head and I just couldn't say a thing." Dean explained with a slight sigh.
"You, Dean Winchester, have no game what so ever." Jo said between mouthfuls of waffle. "And I wasn't interrupting then because that was just an observational statement not an interruption so it was fully justified. Now please tell me that you said something to Cas after he said all of that to you. You couldn't have just sat there and not said anything to him."
"Yeah…well I said 'fuck it'"
"How poetic of you" Jo said.
"Then I kissed him." Dean said and Jo actually pumped her fist into the air. Dean retrained from throwing a bit of waffle at her because of how damn smug she looked.
"Thank God! At least kissing him made up for you saying 'fuck it' of all things." Jo said rolling her eyes. "Honestly after all that romantic crap you have spouted in your films you couldn't have come up with something a bit more quixotic than 'fuck it'?" Jo then asked.
"Cas hates my films, actually he 'tolerated' The Extraction Point which is beside the point. The point is that he hates my films so I could hardly quote one of my films in order in to try and convey whatever my thoughts on Cas are."
"Still…'fuck it'…honestly." Jo muttered. "Still…clearly Cas brought it."
"There was nothing to 'buy' Jo ok?"
"So what are you going to do?"
"About?"
"Seriously? God…what are you going to do about you and Cas?"
"I don't know ok? Maybe I should just have a wait and see attitude about it."
"A wait and see attitude? Are you kidding me?"
"No. Look if I go into this whole thing guns blazing then I might fuck it up and…look I like Cas ok and last night was, at the risk of sounding like a woman, actually one of the best nights of my life. Cas and I talked about a lot of things, I mean I talked to him about things that I normally only talk to you or Sam about and that means something ok? I don't want to fuck this whole thing up so if I just wait and see how things go on without freaking out or thinking about it too much then maybe this can work."
"What like you and Cas working out as in being together?"
"Yeah."
"I've got to say that I'm proud of you. I thought you wouldn't do anything about Cas and then I'd have to put up with you being in the most pissed off mood for the next God only knows how many months until you got over it. The fact that you've done something about it makes me pretty damn happy." Jo said with a proud smile. "See? I'm a proud mama bear. Now proud mama bear needs another coffee so scoot." Dean rolled his eyes as Jo grinned happily at him and pulled himself out of his chair to walk up to the counter. Dean was just reaching the counter when he heard his phone begin to ring. He glanced at the screen and saw Pamela's name flash up on the screen. Dean turned back to Jo and mouthed "Pamela" as he held up his phone. Jo grimaced for a moment which wasn't remotely helpful. Dean sighed as he moved out the diner until he was outside.
"Pamela?" Dean asked warily when answering the phone. He wasn't ready for Pamela to yell at him which she was most likely going to do.
"Hello Dean." Pamela said. "I'm not going yell at you so stop sounding so terrified. I'm calling with very good news actually." She added with an oddly cheerful voice. It was even more terrifying than when she yelled.
"Really? You're calling with good news?" Dean asked. Pamela rarely ever called with good news and recently that had certainly been the case so Dean was going to carry on really pretty apprehensive.
"Yes I'm calling with good news. Do you remember that independent film you were being considered for recently?" Pamela asked.
"Yes..."
"Well stop sounding so worried and pissed off because you've got the part." Pamela said.
"I got the role?" Dean asked.
"Yes, yes you got the role. The casting people are really happy that you were interested in the role and they think you can do very good job with it." Pamela said. "So there you go Dean; I'm not calling to yell at you even though I know you're not in New York because I've been calling your apartment since yesterday and there has been no reply. I'm not going to yell at you Dean because I'm over yelling at you." Pamela explained. Pamela never sounded like this so for a moment Dean was tempted to tell her about Castiel but that would easily send Pamela over the edge so he decided against it.
"Well thank you Pamela, thank you."
"You're welcome Dean. I can have a script sent over to your apartment in the week and I'll be hearing more about the role and filming. Just…can you promise me something Dean?"
"Probably not but I'll try."
"Well can you promise, wherever you are, that you won't do anything stupid?"
"Believe me Pamela, this is the first time in my life that I'm not doing something stupid. I'm just doing something for me." Dean explained before saying his goodbyes and hanging up the phone. He then noticed that Jo was staring at him through the diner window like he was a highly interesting TV show. Dean shook his head slightly as he walked back into the diner and sat down opposite Jo.
"Did she yell at you? You didn't look terrified and you're not shaking so clearly she didn't yell that loudly."
"She didn't yell at all."
"Fuck…she didn't yell?" Jo asked and Dean shook his head. "Wow…what did Pamela say?"
"You know that indie film I was looking at recently?"
"Oh yeah, the one that's based on that stupidly depressing book that all the hipsters that frequent my coffee store all seem to be carrying around and crying over?" Jo asked. "What did Pamela say about it?"
"I got the role, the lead role."
"Really? Dude that's awesome!" Jo said grinning widely.
"Yeah, it's a good script and the storyline is actually interesting. It's not cheesy or overly depressing…it feels like the kind of film I actually want to make." Dean said.
"That really is awesome Dean, I know you really wanted that other role but this is just as good right?"
"Yeah, according to Pamela filming starts soon so I guess that's means I'm leaving soon."
"Oh…oh. So you have to go and tell Cas that you're leaving…wow…good luck with that." Jo said raising her eyebrows.
"Yeah thanks for that Jo; that really helps." Dean muttered.
"Well I'm always here to help, you know me." Jo said smirking.
"No you're not, you're here to give me snark and for that I'm not going to go and get another coffee now." Dean said.
"You're a real jerk Winchester." Jo said throwing a bit of waffle at Dean.
Clearly sensing that Castiel needed time to himself to think through what had happened the night before Anna dragged Gabriel out the apartment with the promise of getting him into a nearby bar where there was a strong possibility of Ruby's presence. Gabriel actually waltzed out the apartment like an overstuffed peacock with Anna following behind him while she rolled her eyes though Castiel fully appreciated her kindness.
The silence of the apartment gave Castiel time to think over what he really wanted and what he wanted was Dean. He wanted Dean but Dean would be leaving soon, Dean would be leaving and no matter how much Castiel didn't want him to leave he would be. He could talk to Dean as much as he wanted but it probably wouldn't help in the end.
He needed to talk to Dean, he needed to talk to Dean about this even though it scared him because this was getting dangerously close to the edge of things that Castiel was comfortable with talking about. He had been truthful with Dean the night before about how he chose people to love. He never liked getting close to people because the people that he loved would end up dying. He had loved his mother and yet she had died and despite his lack of presence in Castiel's life he had loved his father and had been determined to find him. Yes he had found his father but he was also gone just like Castiel's mother. The only people Castiel ever let get close to him had been Anna and, to some extent, Gabriel and yet now he had opened his life up to Dean and he had to admit that the thought of that terrified him.
Castiel was reaching for a mug to fill with coffee when there was a slight knock at the door.
"Hello Dean." Castiel said showing Dean into the apartment.
"Hey." Dean said giving Castiel a quick smile before he held up the iPod Castiel had forgotten he'd left in Dean's car. "Missing this?" Dean asked with a grin.
"Yes…thank you." Castiel said taking the iPod off Dean and throwing it onto the nearest countertop. "So…um…how are you?" Castiel said before Dean chuckled.
"Cas you saw me naked last night, please don't be awkward." Dean said.
"Sorry…sorry I've just been thinking through some things." Castiel said shrugging.
"Well that sounds…positive." Dean said with a derisive snort.
"Sorry, it was positive…kind of" Castiel said hating how awkward he sounded because he normally never sounded awkward. Sarcastic yes, awkward no.
"Cas I came over here because I needed to talk to you about some stuff but now I'm slightly freaked because you're acting strange and you never act strange. You're highly sardonic and a smartass but you're not that strange so what's up? Talk to me here Cas." Dean said.
"Ok." Castiel said shrugging.
"Ok?"
"Yes ok." Castiel said sighing slightly before he began to speak again. "So...so I think I'm in love with you but you're Dean Winchester-"
"Cas…" Dean started to say but Castiel held up his hand to stop him.
"No, please let me finish. You said you wanted me to talk so now I'm talking and if I don't get this out now then I probably never will and I'll be really pissed off with myself for not getting it out. I think I'm in love with you but you're Dean Winchester and that means that the entire of America, heck most of the world, knows who you are. You live in New York which is a twelve hour drive away because you're afraid of flying but most importantly you're an actor which means you're on set all the time, you travel a lot and that means that even though I think I'm in love with you I could go months at a time without seeing you. You'll be leaving here soon and I understand that though I probably should have said something before because now I'm going to have to sit here like a love scorned teenager…God maybe I should have something before now that I'm really thinking about it. I mean I'm a logical person. I am a smart and logical person who thinks over something at least ten times before I do it but I have yet to really think about anything to do with you since New York because I don't want to because when I think too much I end up running things for myself. I am a logical person, a logical person who is now slightly in love with an actor…an actor who has been in some terrible films and has won countless MTV awards, I mean MTV, the home of terrible, terrible reality shows that both of my siblings love for reasons beyond me." Castiel said and as he carried on talking he began to feel lighter because he was fed up of bottling up all of his emotions. It was time to tell Dean everything. He had told Dean a lot the night before but now it was time to tell Dean everything. "I don't want to lose you ok? You may be some actor who was once in a cheesy cereal commercial but I still don't want to lose you."
"Cas-"
"Don't worry I'm done with the long speech now." Castiel said raising his hands up and Dean chuckled slightly.
"Look Cas…my…my life has been about nothing but acting and my career since I left school, my life has been a hectic mess since I was seventeen and I've gone from person to person, needless relationship to needless relationship for nearly ten years because I never felt truly there, I never felt like I had found someone who actually meant something to me apart from Sam, Jo and the other people who are my family. Now, partly thanks to my agent/publicist trying to hide part of my life, I met you. I've found you and I don't want to let you go either, ok Cas? I don't want to lose you either." Dean said watching as Castiel continued to look sorrowful. "I'm not going to lie to you ok because that would be cruel…if we're together it might not be easy. I'll be away for months at a time working on films that you will no doubt hate more than any other films." Castiel continued to stare at Dean with those damn huge blue eyes and it was really wasn't helping because Dean was trying to give a speech here god-dammit. "Look…I'm shit at relationships ok? I never know what to say and I never know what to do but, at the risk of sounding like a woman, I want to be with you because…well despite the fact that you're highly sarcastic, smarter than me and despise my films, oh and that I'm pretty sure that if I left you by yourself for more than a few days you would eat nothing but noodles and drink your weight in coffee. Despite all that I really do care about you…and…and I'm glad that you chose to care about me. I'm glad that you chose to love me"
"I think that's the longest time I've heard you speak for." Castiel said after a moment.
"You like giving long speeches, I like giving speeches ok and you're actually really lucky because that was a 'Dean Winchester' original and not from Braveheart." Dean said.
"You're a nerd." Castiel said shaking his head as he moved closer to Dean. He watched as Dean smirked slightly which sent a jolt of longing down into Castiel's stomach.
"So are you." Dean shot back as he moved even closer and pressed a light kiss against Castiel's lips. "Look…Cas I want to be with you and it's probably going to be difficult because I'll be away filming and my agent/publicist is an angry but possibly psychic deity who pretty much controls my entire life. I mean I can't even sneeze sometimes without Pamela being in control of it but I want this work out because I think that if I fuck this up then Jo might actually kill me." Dean then added.
"Then I have a suggestion for you" Castiel said.
"Oh really?"
"Yes, don't fuck this up." Castiel said before he pulled Dean back into the kiss that Dean started. The kiss started out light until it deepened and Castiel felt Dean's tongue against Castiel's lip. Castiel opened his mouth to let Dean's tongue in and even though he was still worried about what might happen Castiel wasn't going to let it get in the way of the fact that Dean was kissing him and Dean was a very good kisser.
The buzzing of Dean's phone interrupted their kissing and when Dean looked down to the screen he groaned slightly. Castiel looked at him questioningly and Dean gave him a frustrated sigh.
"It's my psychic angry agent/publicist/deity. I really need to take this." Dean said.
"Yeah sure, go ahead." Castiel said. "You can go in my room if you want some privacy." He added nodding towards his bedroom. Dean gave him a thankful smile before walking into Castiel's room and answering the phone.
"Yes Pamela?" Dean said as soon as he picked up the phone.
"Oh don't sound so scared I'm not ringing to yell at you because as far as I can tell you haven't done anything to piss me off yet. This call is actually about the independent film you've just been cast in. You know the one I told you about this morning?" Pamela said.
"Oh, ok" Dean said feeling relieved but at least Pamela wasn't yelling at him and she thought that he hadn't done anything to piss her off yet.
"It turns out that the filming is going to be taking place Chicago. The book the film is based on is set there and they want to keep the fans of the book happy by filming it in the place the book is set. The production company said something about twenty-something year old hipsters wanting their blood if they screw up the film so it's going to be filmed in Chicago. Filming starts in a few weeks and if there aren't any reshoots then it should be over in about three months. This means you'll have to rent a place to live if you don't want to stay in a hotel for three months. Does that sound ok?"
"Chicago? For three months…yeah…yeah that sounds ok to me." Dean said trying to fight the smile creeping across his face. Being in Chicago for three months meant that he didn't have to lose Castiel at all, he didn't have to go back to New York and try to make a long distance relationship work. He could stay in Chicago for at least three months.
"Wait is that Dean Winchester sounding not only happy but happy at something I said? I think I'm going to go into shock here." Pamela said chuckling slightly.
"Thanks Pamela…" Dean said smiling broadly.
"You're welcome Dean; I need to get going because I've got things to do but congratulations on the role. I'm really proud of you Dean."
"You're proud of me?" Dean asked.
"Yes but don't let that get to your head Dean." Pamela said chuckling before she said her goodbyes and hung up. Dean placed his phone back into his pocket and smiled to himself. Three months in Chicago…things were actually starting to really look up.
"Who was that?" Castiel asked once Dean was off the phone and returned to the main area of the apartment. Part of Dean felt like just torturing Castiel for a moment but he couldn't stop the slow smile creeping across his face. "What is it?" Castiel then asked.
"Well I've been interested in starring in this independent movie recently, it's based on some book from the nineties, and the script is really good. Well Pamela got back to me and told me that I got the role and everything-"
"Wow, that's great." Castiel said smiling though Dean could see that there was something behind the smile. "So…so you'll be leaving soon then won't you?"
"Not exactly." Dean said smirking because it felt quite nice to have the upper hand against Castiel for once. "That's what Pamela just rang me about you see. The book is based in Chicago and the production company want to keep the film as close to the book as possible. That means they're basing the film in Chicago, production starts next month according to Pamela and they'll be filming here for three months."
"Wait so…" Castiel said as his brow furrowed. "That means that…"
"Yeah, I'll be for at least three months filming." Dean said. The look of surprise on Castiel's face was completely adorable.
"You'll be here? As in here in Chicago and not leaving to go off somewhere else?"
"Yeah, I'll be here in Chicago."
"So what's the book?" Castiel asked and when Dean told him the title Castiel actually shook his head and chuckled loudly. "Dean Winchester…if you screw up one of my favourite books I swear I might actually kill you." Castiel added before he pulled Dean into what Dean hoped would be just one of many deep kisses.
Author's Note: I'm sorry for the delay in updating. As I said there was internet issues which basically meant that I had no internet for several days and I went ever so slightly insane but now I have the internet back and clearly I'm updating.
Ok I lied. There aren't going to be just thirteen chapters. I'm writing an epilogue as well…why do I do this to myself?