A/N: Hey reader! Thank you for continuing to spend your time reading my fanfic, it's very appreciated! Seriously, one of you compared me to the author of The Great Gatsby, and that's just incredible. Like seriously... I have no words. Okay, I feel like I need to promise Philip isn't gonna die in this chapter! But Burr is mad... So let's get on with it!
Chapter 13 - Winter 1798
"Theodosia!" Burr bellowed, an ear-splitting broken moan, despite the fact the young girl was little more than a metre from him. He closed the distance between them and held her shoulders firmly as he scanned over her, examining her with almost feverish speed for any trace of damage to his precious child. Thankful to find none, he released his grip, stepping away to regard her with anger now he was certain that she was no longer and never had been in any genuine danger.
She wasn't exactly sure what those burning embers in his eyes meant, but she was certain she had never seen them before. Burr didn't speak for a long time, only stared at her without truly recognizing the woman he had raised throughout her life, the tiny baby he had sung to sleep, the wailing toddler he'd picked up from the ground to kiss her bloodied knees back to radiant health, the little girl he'd read countless bedtime stories to each night until she was too exhausted to beg for another, the young woman he'd educated himself while admiring her growing intellect, the daughter he'd adored with the entirety of his soul since the moment he learned of her conception. None of those memories struggled to the forefront of his mind in that moment; all he could see was a disobedient woman who had directly and intentionally deceived him to venture who-knew-where on a freezing winter night.
Tentatively, she murmured, "It's alright, Daddy, I'm home now, and I'm safe."
The man smiled. There had never been a time in his life when a smile directed towards his daughter didn't hold at least a shred of true happiness, for even in the bleakest of times the simple knowledge that she was there was enough to brighten his spirits and lighten whatever burden weighed heavily on his heart. But not this time: His smile was cold and bitter, infinitely more so that the piercing winter wind which tore suddenly through the air, whipping at their faces and freezing everything it touched, and for the first time in her life she understood somewhat how people could be so unnerved by the father who had previously showered her with nothing but warmth. She physically shuddered as he repeated softly, "It's alright? It's alright, is it, Theodosia?"
Had the moonlight permitted him to see, he would have felt instantly guilty when the colour from her glowing cheeks faded away into an unnaturally pale shade, and stopped himself from going any further. But it did not, thus he continued, emitting a laugh which cut through the night without a trace of humour as he continued, "This is anything but alright!"
Her lip trembled, but her voice was unwavering as she began, "Daddy, I didn't mean -"
"Oh, I think you did. I think you knew exactly what you were doing, and you knew you would be lying to me and betraying me while you did it. The only thing you didn't mean was to be caught."
Uncomfortable at standing as an idle witness as his closest companion was berated by her own father, and hating even more the realization that she was clearly on the brink of tears, Philip dared to speak up. "Mr Burr, I know you are angry, and you have every right to be. But -"
Turning sharply to face the student for the first time, he growled, "I do have every right to be angry, and I fully intend to let you know exactly how angry I am!"
Defiantly, the boy raised his chin, inviting fiercely, "In which case, feel free to shout, scream, punch, throw me from this balcony, even! But save that all for me, not the young woman who you claim to be so concerned for. Don't you dare drive her to tears when it is you that has insisted on hiding her away from anyone who might hurt her!" He had never looked so determined and aggressive as when he hissed, "You don't get to make that kind of decision about her life only to then hurt her yourself - I know you are a liar and a hypocrite, but someone who actually cares about Theodosia is here to ensure you do not punish her for something you drove her to."
For someone with his intelligence, Philip should theoretically have had the foresight to predict what came next. But Burr's fist came seemingly out of nowhere as he accepted the young man's suggestion and struck him in the side of his jaw, acting too much on impulse for it to be as damaging as it could have been, but still stinging as the grown man clipped the teenager, his wedding ring carving a small scratch in his freckled skin.
Philip staggered backwards with a grunt of pain.
Theo screamed, horrified by violence and thoroughly confused by the unfamiliarity of the occasion. No longer did the improbability of such an occurrence happening lend an otherworldly, dreamlike feel to the situation, rather it painted it as a nightmare, and one from which she desperately wished to wake. Afraid, she touched Philip's face, brushing his new, hot wound lightly with her cool fingertips, but he pulled away, more interested in resuming his argument with Aaron Burr.
He glared at the man momentarily, reading the brief touch of shock that he had actually submitted to the raging emotions he often tried so hard to conceal and resorted to hitting a teenager. It quickly settled into indifference. Philip shook his head in disgust as he bitterly commented, "I'm glad that was used on me. Otherwise I suspect you would have inflicted that on your own daughter, who by the way is completely terrified of the father she doesn't recognize any longer."
Burr frowned at the accusation, before shaking his head, vehemently denying anything of the sort, "I would never raise my hand to Theodosia. I blame you more than I blame her for snatching her from the safety of her own home."
Somehow, in spite of the throbbing pain centred at the scratch on his jaw, Philip laughed incredulously, and retorted, "it is your paranoid use of excessive protection which has caused her to resort to this! Don't blame her for disobeying rules so strict that they should never have existed in the first place!"
He replied with a low, ominous murmur, one which as good as threatened to lash out again at the young man, "Do not presume to tell me how I should raise my own child - I don't think it's unreasonable to request she doesn't run off hand in hand with some drooling schoolboy in the dead of night, where he can do God only knows what without me being within earshot to save her from the manifestation of your selfish lust!" His voice rose gradually as he spoke, soaring out of control as passion boiled over within him and flooded from his mouth, scalding the teenagers with it's burning heat.
I knew he suspected me of intending to court Theodosia. But I never realized he thought so little of me that he truly believed I would steal her away and have my way with her where he couldn't stop me. That accusation laid a deeper wound in his chest that the physical one throbbing in his jaw. The young man took a courageous but foolhardy step closer, preparing to meet the man who hurled an endless torrent of insults towards him with a physical attack of his own, but before he could so much as raise a hand, Theo recognized the immanent peril and forcefully awoke herself from her shocked stupor, interjecting with the sharp defence, "Father, he didn't do anything of the sort, you're being completely ridiculous. No one was hurt until you took it upon yourself to change that; Philip, I beg you not to add to the senseless violence this innocent night has descended into."
Distracted from one another for the time being, both males turned to her. Philip's face still held his stiff anger, but with visible effort he obeyed the demands of her entrancing eyes and brought himself down from the brink of his aggravation. Silently he reminded himself, that would only be granting him yet another reason to despise me, and for once it would actually be a well founded argument. And of course, he knew Theodosia well enough that he wouldn't intentionally disrupt her relationship with her one surviving parent by forcing her to witness them fighting, thereby making her feel inclined to choose a side to support.
Aaron Burr was not so easily appeased. Frustrated, he queried, "Do you expect me to take your word that he didn't so much as lay a hand on you when you have literally just returned from a venture you undertook behind my back, with a boy you obviously must be deeply attached to it he earned your affections enough that you would go with him?" He shook his head, answering his own rhetorical question as he continued, "You cannot be trusted to project a truthful, non biased representation of him, and he cannot be trusted to remain respectful towards you." He couldn't resist dropping a snide comment, "He is his father's son, after all, and Hamilton was incapable of even escorting a woman to her home without partaking in the conception of the scandal which ruined him."
Not just speaking of the affair, but speaking of my father as a ruined man, a hopeless case, an unrecoverable disaster. Past tense, as though he's truly dead in the political world. The observant student analysed anything concerning his family in intricate detail, and on this occasion he did not appreciate what he saw behind Burr's words. A fervid flame of familial loyalty stirred inside Philip as he impulsively retorted, "If I was anything like the dog ruled by testosterone-fuelled urges you're so intent on painting me as, I would have acted upon those urges during one of the many nights I spent in your daughter's bedroom previous to tonight. I mean, I had months of opportunity, and it seems you were none the wiser."
Both Burrs stared disbelievingly at the infuriated young Hamilton, Theo because he had just unwittingly unveiled further evidence of her deception, Aaron because the content of that revelation revolted him. He wished so desperately that it was not true, that he had not neglected to realize that something so detestable to him had taken place over a torturously long period of time. But the guilt in Theodosia's eyes was enough to confirm the unpalatable truth, if the hard, stony glare of Philip had been insufficient on it's own.
The politician's voice was a soft, silky murmur, surely the most chilling sound either teenager had ever had the discomfort of hearing. It was not so much a question as a statement of the truth which had been made abundantly clear: "You infiltrated my home... for months you spent every night in my precious daughter's company, in her bedroom, no less. You persuaded her to wander a dangerous city on a frozen winter night with nothing but a student to protect her from the crooks and criminals, and you dare to tell me I am somehow in the wrong for my objections." He took several slow, deep breaths, the struggle between rage and control occurring within him blatantly obvious. After what felt like years of anxious anticipation, control won - barely. If he had dared to raise his voice to anything more than a whisper, it would have erupted into a burst of flaming, roaring fury; So it was hardly audible and all the more poignant for it when he flatly instructed, "Leave. Go now, immediately, before I do something I intensely regret."
There was no refusing a demand like that. So, though it caused a huge conflict between his pride and his better judgment, Philip complied, pausing regardless of Aaron Burr to say goodbye to Theodosia.
Softly he murmured, "Thank you again for the wonderful night. I'm sorry it ended so terribly." He touched the rose she still held briefly, not idiotic enough to actually lay a finger on Theo herself when her guard dog father loomed so near to them, ready to toss him from the balcony like a discarded piece of litter should he linger too long, and turned away, hoisting himself over the barrier. Still his upper body remained on the other side, momentarily waiting for a response.
"As am I," she replied apologetically, again reaching to brush her cool fingertips over his burning, pulsating bruise. "Your face -"
"Will heal, soon enough," he assured. "And now, I must bid you goodnight." As an afterthought, he added with a mischievous grin in an attempt to lift her spirits, "a thousand times goodnight. A thousand times worse to want thy light!"
He continued to clamber down the vine, leaving Theodosia chuckling despite herself at what she assumed to be a teasing reference, meanwhile Burr glowered, clearly reading a deeper meaning, the one Philip had truly intended, into the quote. When Theo turned back to face him, her smile remained on her lips, warming her heart when it had been chilled so deeply with her father's icy words. However, a similarly cold look met her, and the gravity of the situation returned, her smile faded to an unimpressed scowl as she pointed out, "I may have acted poorly this evening, but let it not go unnoticed that your behaviour has been atrocious too. Honestly, Daddy, you punched a sixteen year old in the jaw! Did you not stop to think of how dreadfully this will impact your reputation, especially when you consider that his father is hardly the type of man to allow anything, in particular something like the assault of his son, to pass by without retaliation?"
"As it happens, my mind was too occupied with the terrible thoughts of what disaster might have befallen you when I visited your room to find your bed empty. Not once did I suspect you would leave of your own free will, so I assumed you'd been..." Words failed him as he came to the point of naming his darkest fears: kidnapped. Slaughtered. Swept off the surface of the earth, never to be seen again. Irritated by his own weakness, he continued despite his voice being hollow and hoarse, "Forgive me for being less than cordial towards your friend. But I genuinely thought I'd lost you tonight."
He hung his head, the guilt of terrifying his precious child setting in as the red mist the student had ignited which had blurred his vision and judgment dissipated and he saw her wide eyed concern. He couldn't meet the reflection of his own fear, so turned away from her, and as the moonlight caught a different angle of his face, she spotted the trails of silver tears lining his cheek.
He truly thought I was gone forever.
Realizing the depth of his sorrow, Theodosia tentatively closed the distance between them, laying a hand on his shoulder and gently encouraging, "We should go inside. We must warm up, and then we can both calm down and forget about tonight." As she said the words, she noticed that, past a certain point, the events of her adventure were awfully blurry, and attempting to penetrate the fog in her mind caused her head to ache. Between the breathless end to a dance to the moment she returned to the base of her balcony, the only things she could recall were music, laughter and excitement. Beyond that, precise details were unknown to her, chased away by the shock of being discovered.
He nodded slowly, noticing for the first time how ineffective his jacket was at guarding him from the piercing wind, a worry which instantly progressed into fearing that the young girl was insufficiently warm too. He took her cool cheeks between his warmer hands, registering how icy she was to touch now he actually took the time to note more than only any visible source of discomfort to her. "Yes, inside. You're absolutely frozen," he agreed, ushering her back indoors and following behind her, closing the door after them and firmly locking the winter - as well as any other malevolent force capable of causing a chill to run down his spine - out.
Theodosia took a seat on her bed, where Burr proceeded to join her, taking her forgotten rose from her and setting it aside so as to cradle her hands between his, an attempt to share some of his body heat. Without the distractions of the open air and the addition of their close proximity, he discovered something else. Watching that his voice was stern, but not frighteningly so, he clarified, "You have been drinking alcohol, have you not?"
Of course. Perhaps that explains my suddenly memory failure. Blushing shamefully, she sheepishly recalled, "Yes, a little. Neither of us realized how strong it was before we drank it."
I can only hope that is true, he answered silently. Another heartbeat saw him scolding himself, For God's sake, he's a boy, he wouldn't intentionally get her drunk. For Theodosia's benefit, trust in that, at the very least. "Be that as it may, this is still vastly inappropriate behaviour for a young woman of your social standing, and it truly ought to be amended. Is this what your friendship with young Mr Hamilton has reduced you to: a disobedient, irresponsible woman who runs around the city guzzling alcohol and fraternizing with students?" He asked, as surprised by her as he was disapproving.
"No, Daddy, he has encouraged me to follow no plan I would not have concocted myself. The fact that he happened to accompany me does not mean I would not have found myself doing exactly the same thing on my own. I am a young woman, not a little girl who needs to be locked away from the world! I long to be free, I long to see more than the walls of this house, and..." She swallowed, suddenly overcome with tears which threatened to roll down her cheeks. I don't want to hurt him, but I must be honest. The doting father was clearly afraid at what point would conclude her declaration, and rightly so. Still, she mercifully ended his wait for completion. Steadying herself, she finished, "I long to be able to experience the world without you watching to make sure I don't set a foot wrong. You know I love you more than anything, but I need to learn who I am without you trying to tell me."
Her eyes formed an entire non-verbal apology, though the words to voice her deep regret that she'd obviously hurt him would not materialize on her lips. Burr closed his eyes, wincing at the heavy blow to his heart.
I suppose I should have expected she would tire of me sooner or later. How could I possibly give her the life she wants, the life she needs, when I am alone in raising her?
An idea happened upon him, slowly drifting into his mind and becoming gradually clearer, as if it had been lurking there all along just beyond his reach. It caused his gut to twist in revulsion at the very thought of it. Yet it was the only option he could uncover, and as much as it hurt, it made a strange kind of sense.
"Very well," he decided. "I think I see what must be done now." He paused, urging himself to explain the idea his heart was so avidly opposed to despite his head recognizing the logic to it. "You will not be kept here any longer, you will not have to exist within the walls of this house. And I will not watch over your every move, I will instead give you the space you so desire." He was not finished yet. As always, he obfuscated revealing the true extent of his idea, though on this occasion it was because he wished it did not have to be the case.
However, Theo interrupted, "Does this mean I am allowed to see Philip whenever I choose, without having to smuggle him inside?" She leaned forward, excited by the prospect which seemed to be dangling before her, waiting for her to grasp it.
"No," he answered slowly, truthfully. He continued, "I cannot bring myself to consent to his presence in your life at a time when you are so impressionable, and apparently I cannot trust that he will remain absent for as long as you stay here."
Confused, Theodosia enquired, "What do you mean, for as long as I stay here?"
"I mean you are not to stay here." He ignored her gasp as he explained, "You will live with your sisters, your Mother's daughters. They are old enough that they have children of their own and will be capable of looking after you, yet young enough to treat you with maturity and respect. There you will be educated in appreciation of the arts, a subject which will improve your social graces. It will be a change of scene, an opportunity to grow into the lady your mother would have wanted you to become, just like her other daughters, and you will be away from me, just like you want to be." And away from him, that much is guaranteed, and it is the single product of this separation which assures me that this is the right decision.
She stared at him, squinting into his face to read for any shred of misguided humour, for in her mind that idea surely could not be possible. But she found no indication he was anything less than entirely serious. Incredulous, she snatched her hands away from his, insisting, "That is absolute madness! I can't leave you here on your own, and I don't want to leave my home, my entire life, either!" Or my Philip. "And you dare to justify it by saying my Mother would want this? It seems memory has failed you, because I can recall in crystalline clear detail that Mother actually believed in making her own choices! She adopted liberal views despite being part of a family of loyalists, she opened her British husband's home to Washington's men, she married you for love rather than social standing! She adored my attitude, my behaviour, and as a matter of fact she also happened to adore Philip!"
He jolted back, stung by the suggestion he'd neglected to remember his dear departed wife with the same precision as his daughter. Even so, he attempted to placate her, "Theodosia -"
Enraged, she gave no thought to the impact her next snide comment would have on him: "I suppose it's not surprising my Mother should slip your mind, since you've hardly been short of female company to replace her."
Burr froze. There was no denying it was true, however he certainly wasn't proud of himself, and it hadn't ever crossed his mind his daughter would be so disrespectful as to exploit his shame.
He stood. He could not sit, he could not remain arguing with a girl who had resorted to low blows. Stiffly, he replied, "You have just condemned yourself. If I needed any further proof that the boy is a negative influence on you, it has just been shown to me." He spoke briskly, pretending his entire chest wasn't aching with sorrow as he walked towards the door, instructing without presenting any of the emotions he felt raging inside as he went, "You will leave for New Jersey first thing tomorrow. I know you will be tired because I will wake you early, but you can sleep in the cab. I will send someone with a letter to Sally forewarning her of your upcoming visit immediately, and she, Mary-Louisa and Anna-Louisa will be ready to receive you by the time you arrive, most likely in the afternoon. I will write to you, of course, and I expect you will respond. More than anything, I hope you mature while you are away sufficiently enough that I will not have to exist in a state of perpetual fear that you are doing something incredibly reckless when you return home. Goodnight, Theodosia. I will see you in the morning."
He had almost reached the door, and his hard, firm stance was about as solid as his resolve to follow through on his plan. He means it. He's getting rid of me to my half sisters, and I'm powerless to stop him. Her tears succeeded in conquering her attempt to remain stoic, and she sobbed once, a heart wrenching noise which momentarily halted her father. Desperate to make amends, Theo dashed across the room to him, tearfully throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace as she pleaded, gushing a little, "Daddy, please let me stay! I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry... I didn't mean that I wanted to be miles away from you, and if it means I can stay here, then I will make sure I don't see Philip any more, I won't even write to him if that is what it takes!" She didn't hesitate to make that promise, and if Burr had accepted her offer, she would have honoured her declaration with wholehearted dedication: her father was the most important thing in her life, the one who had been there since the moment she came into existence, supporting her through every trial and never, ever letting go.
He genuinely considered it. But he knew his little girl, and he knew the pain of causing her to indefinitely end her correspondence with the young man when they were so close would rival the agony of his own separation from her. He would not be responsible for causing her that level of pain, he could only hope and pray that distance would weaken their bond until it faded away forever. He allowed his own tears to fall, and turned to meet her damp eyes, the identical copies of his own. "No, my dear Theodosia... I know you are sorry, and I wish I was selfish enough to keep you here. But I love you more than anything on Earth, and let it be known that I still love your Mother, too. Regrettably it is my love for you which compels me to act in your best interests. So please, my dear, my Angel, don't make this harder than it already is. Please, try living with your sisters, for me. Please?"
She wiped away a tear, hesitating, but eventually nodded. "Very well, Daddy. For your sake, I will try to grow up, to move on."
"That is all I ask. I love you, Theodosia."
"I love you, too."
A/N: D'aww... Burr's gonna miss her so much! And things keep getting between Philip and Theo, which sucks a lot! But don't worry, things will get better!
Thanks again for reading! More coming soon! x x x