Chapter Thirteen: Towards Absolution

"I'm sorry I can't come with you but as annoying as my brother can be he has been shot so visiting him is the least I can do, although I'm sure I'll regret going the minute I get there." Amelia's voice had a tone of experience to it, as if a visit to Derek Shepard always resulted in regret gun shot wound or not.

"It's ok, you should be with Derek, he'll want to know you care, he'll need to know you care to help him recover, something like being shot makes you reassess, makes you remember what is important and he's going to want to see his family." Addison replied as she took a sip from her glass of wine. The news of what had happened to Derek had reached Addison via Callie and it had fell to her to tell Amelia. Amelia responded with a calmness that Addison had expected. Amelia and Derek didn't communicate, they didn't talk because they both feared that if they started talking then eventually they'd have to talk about what they saw, about their Dad, about a death that drove them both in the same direction but along very different routes.

"Will give me the chance to check out this twelve year old of his anyway" Amelia smiled, choosing to ignore Addison's comment about Derek needing her – Derek didn't need anyone, he never did, he always did things his way.

"Meredith?" Addison's voice had a slight tone of amusement to it as she remembered her trip to Seattle to visit Derek and his twelve year old. "She's...well...Meredith...she's complicated but she's a good person really, she's just a bad person in my story."

Addison's own words took her a little by surprise, she really was starting to evolve she thought with a smile. The life she'd tried to live in Seattle was a long way behind her now, she had been searching for happiness in the wrong place.

Addison didn't mention the post-it marriage – she thought that was something Amelia should find out for herself. Plus, she wasn't sure it was common knowledge, she only knew because of Callie's excellent ear for gossip.

"You don't have to come honey, if you're not feeling up to it..." Naomi's voice was soft and full of concern.

"Mom, I've told you, I'm fine, I want to go, I want to go for Dell, I want to say goodbye." Maya responded to her Mom's overprotection. She knew her Mom was only thinking of her, trying to do what she thought was best for her but she wanted to say goodbye, she had to say goodbye.

Violet saw Naomi and Maya in the kitchen and went to join them and wait for the others to arrive. Today had been her idea, she knew the importance of closure, of giving everyone an opportunity to grieve. Due to the absence of any family it had naturally fallen to them to make arrangements for Dell. They had decided that a traditional funeral wouldn't reflect Dell, he enjoyed life, he'd not always had it easy but he loved his job, the practice and Betsy, a funeral wouldn't reflect the life Dell lived. They'd had his body cremated shortly after his death and the urn containing his ashes had been in Violet's office ever since. It was a way of him being there, still being a part of them, of the practice but they couldn't keep him there forever, they couldn't bury their grief in an urn of ashes, it was time to accept his death, to grieve and to set Dell free.

Violet had suggested a spot near Colchuck Lake where he'd spent a weekend camping with Betsy the previous summer. Dell had told her he'd felt the place had an air of tranquillity that allowed him to think, helped him to put things into perspective, it was a place he felt happiness, a place he'd always remember, a place he'd shared with his daughter. Everyone agreed that Lake Colchuck was where they should scatter his ashes and that they'd all fly to Tacoma and visit the spot together.

"Maya, I didn't expect to see you here, are you sure you're up to..." Sam said as he entered the room.

"Morning to you too Daddy." Maya responded, she knew her parents were only trying to protect her and so tried not to sound too annoyed with Sam for expressing his concern "I'm fine, I promise."

"Ok, it's up to you but if you're feeling ill I'm taking you straight home" Sam said as he bent down to plant a kiss on Maya's head. Sam flashed a smile at Naomi and Violet as he moved to find himself a seat, he caught sight of the urn sitting on the table.

"Is that?" Sam asked motioning towards the urn.

"Yep, that's Dell" Violet replied.

"Right" nodded Sam, momentarily aware of what the urn represented, that Dell was in there, that a life can fit into a pot.

"Where's Addison?" Violet asked.

"She's checking on a patient, she'll meet us at the airport." Sam replied.

It was still a bit strange for Naomi to think that Sam and Addison had woken up next to each other that morning, that they'd made plans together, that they knew each others whereabouts all the time, it was strange but she was determined to get used to it. Naomi's train of thought was interrupted by a crashing sound in the lobby. Everyone looked in the direction of the sound as they wondered what had made the noise. Their question was soon answered as Dink appeared at the kitchen door pushing a heavily laden pram.

"Sorry, I haven't quite go the hang of steering this thing yet" he apologised as, much to Naomi's surprise, he entered the room.

Maya stood up with a smile and looked into the pram at her sleeping daughter.

"Dink?" Sam said a little surprised and a lot confused "Is everything ok? What are you doing here?

"I asked him to come," Maya replied letting Dink off the hook "I asked him to bring Cora so she could come with us."

"Maya, no, she's too young, she's..." Naomi's protests were exactly what Maya had expected and also the reason Maya hadn't bought Cora straight to the practice, she had intended to talk to her Mom before Dink arrived but she hadn't had the chance because Naomi had been downstairs for the majority of the time they'd been there.

"Mom, I'm doing this, Dell helped me through every step of my pregnancy, he was always there Mom, always" Maya's last words caused a twang of pain in Naomi's chest. Dell had been there, even when she wasn't, even when she'd turned her back on her own child Dell was there.

"Ok" Naomi said softly as she nodded. She had to remember that Maya was her own person now, she was a mother and Naomi had to let her do things her own way, all she could do was be there and she promised herself that no matter what she'd always be there, she'd never leave her child again.

Within the hour Charlotte and Cooper had arrived and they were heading over to the airport.

The flight passed in relative silence, everyone was lost in their own thoughts, thinking about Dell, about what he had done for the practice and how Betsy had lost both parents at such a young age. Cooper was glad she wasn't old enough to have to deal with the aftermath of her fathers death, he was glad she was young enough to be spared the trip they were making right now. Violet thought about the small vile of ashes she'd hidden at the back of her desk drawer, she wanted something to give Betsy when she came looking for her Dad, for his life and what he had been. She would, one day when she was old enough to realise what had happened to her she would come looking for him and would ultimately end up at the practice and she wanted something to give her, a part of Dell she deserved, that she had a right to, that Violet knew she'd need.

Once in Tacoma Amelia said goodbye to Addison and the others and hailed a cab to take her to the hospital.

"Remember, he needs you," Addison reminded Amelia as she hugged her goodbye "he might not know it, but he needs you."

"Thanks," smiled Amelia pulling out of their hug. "I'll see you back in LA"

As Addison watched Amelia get into the taxi and head towards Seattle Grace she couldn't help but think of the wet afternoon she'd spent making the same journey. The way she had sat in the back of the taxi telling herself to be strong, telling herself that once she had explained things to Derek he would see that she had changed, that she had learnt from the mistakes she had made and he would take her back. He would take her back out of pity, out of guilt but once he was with her he'd see that he'd really taken her back out of love, that he loved her, if he could see her, see how sorry she was she knew she'd be able to change his mind, they were Addison and Derek, they had to make it. She smiled now as she realised that there was never any chance of them fixing things that she had broken something that was already damaged, that she had turned to Mark because her and Derek were already falling apart but neither of them wanted to admit it, neither of them wanted to admit failure, neither of them wanted to be alone. She looked over the road to where Sam was helping Maya to load the baby things into the car he'd hired- she had a new life now, a life which allowed her to be open and to be honest, to be herself. She knew that her past didn't matter to Sam, he didn't care who she'd been in the past, he was interested in who she was now, he loved who she was now and he trusted her and more importantly he gave her the confidence to trust herself, to know that she wasn't going to cheat on him, that she wasn't going to do anything to hurt him.

"Addison" Pete's voice floated across the road bringing her out of her daydream "are you ok? We need to get going"

Without a word Addison crossed the road and joined her friends at the car, they had a hard day ahead of them, a day none of them ever imagined they'd have to live but they had each other and they owed it to Dell to support each other and celebrate his life.