Hello, here another chapter:)
edit by Joseannethibo
HeYa-GLeeK12: hey I'm sorry to read that, I didn't want to give that impression. Santana is acting in that way because it's all new for her, it's the only way she knows to feel something, she loves Brittany and she feels sick for what happened. Brittany's forgiveness wouldn't change much her thought, she feels wrong.
laraglee: thank you.. Can I ask you why it seems that Santana is manipulating Brittany? I didn't want to, really!
Fan: thank you!
GleekGirlJones27:thank you, I'm happy you liked it :)
I'm empty..
A few weeks ago I was full and happy, but I'm not anymore. I'm on my way to Santana's house and something is telling me to not go there, to stay still and pretend nothing happened, that I still have a girlfriend, that I'm happy with her, that I'm happy thanks to her.. but something else is telling me to move on.. It's weird when you are so focused on something that you can feel you heart beating so hard in your chest..
This morning in class I was absent, people were talking to me and I could only see their mouths move, no sound. Tina tried to make me talk but I don't wanna say anything, not until I talk to Santana.
This street has never been so long, but I know that it's only in my head, my head is telling me to walk slowly, but not to stop.. I knock at her door and I can feel a tear leave my eye, rolling down my right cheek.
Quinn opens the door, she lets me come in, but she doesn't say anything, she knows, how can she not? She offers me some water and then she leaves the house, leaving me alone with Santana. I go upstairs to her room, I can already see her legs under the blanket. I open the door more and she turns to me. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out, I don't trust my voice right now, my body, my mind.. I want to hug her and cry.
"It's ok Britt.. Sit, I'll wait until you are ready" she says turning her face to the window.
And what if I'll never be ready? I sit on the chair next to her bed facing her. My reasons are right, I have the right to break up, it's for me, come on, talk!
"I th-think we should b-break up" I say almost crying.
"It's ok" she says like she is comforting me "I know why you were coming today, I was ready to hear that.. And I'm ok with it because.. Because I'm so sorry Brittany.. I know that you can't believe me b-"
"I believe you" Her eyes are watering.
"I'm really sorry Britt, I didn't want to hurt you.. I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have let you meet me.. I can stay away from you, I promise you Britt, you won't ever see me again" She's so broke, she's crying, tearing herself apart right in front of me.
"I-I don't want that, you can stay here, come to school and everything Santana, it'd be hard at the beginning but I don't want you to go away, not because of me"
"Why are you so sweet to me?"
"I don't want to be w-with you Santana, but I didn't say anything about not still having you in my life"
"You still want me near you?.. How could you trust me?"
"I do.. you only have to promise me something"
"Everything"
"You have to stop this" my finger points at her body "You can't do this to yourself" I see her looking down, she doesn't agree with me "Santana if you ever loved me you have to promise me" She doesn't talk, I take her hand and I squeeze it "please"
"I promise you" she says in a whisper. I don't know what to say, I look around me, it's time to go, to leave her.
"I ha-"
"I'll see you around" she knows it's hard for me, she's so sweet.
"Yeah.. Bye Santana" I stand up and I start to go downstairs, it's the end, the end of my love story.. my Santana. I stop and I run back to her, she turns to me. I quickly lean down kissing her, my hands on her cheeks, they are wet from the tears, this will be our last kiss. I need her to know how much I love her.. Our kiss starts to get deep, so passionate, it's like our lips are talking, they are telling each other how much we love, how much we are going to miss each other but most of all, how much we are sorry.
Our lips don't wanna break apart, my left hand goes down to her neck. I can feel her move, her hand takes mine on her cheek, our fingers interweave and they fall on the pillow next to her face. She slowly breaks the kiss, I know that we need to stop, but I don't know if I really want to, I just wanna stay here with her.
Our foreheads one against another, her other hand comes up to my head and she starts to caress my hair, my head falls on her crook of neck and I silently cry against her skin, falling asleep after a few minutes.
When I wake up I can feel my headache. I hate to cry, then I remember that I'm with Santana. I open my eyes and she is sleeping under me, her arms protectively around me and her cheek against my head.
"You're awake" she says.
"Yeah, I thought you were sleeping" I disconnect our bodies but I stay next to her.
"We don't sleep so much" she turns to me, we are on our sides so we can face each other.
"I have to go"
"I know.. Are you sure you are ok with me here?"
"Yes Santana" I say.
"Will you be ok with me not here for a few days?"
"Why?" Where does she want to go?
"I need some time to.. think"
"Will you be safe? You promised me"
"I will"
"Ok.. I'll see you soon then" she nods. I peck her lips closing my eyes for some second and I leave her bed.
"Bye Santana"
"Bye Brittany"
I start to run downstairs, I don't wanna come back. I need to leave this house fast, I need to go home and lay down, with some ice cream maybe, yeah definitely ice cream!
With Ashley it's wasn't like that, maybe it's because I had Santana.. Probably I wasn't even that in love with her. I really love Santana and it's because of that that it hurts so much, now I know what a "broken heart" is.
Once at home I eat something and I go straight to my room,. I take a book and I start studying, maybe my college life is going to be better! After a while someone knocks at the door but I turn to the window, almost hoping it was Santana.
"Hey Britt, can I come in?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah" she sits next to me in my bed.
"You were.. Weird today, do you wanna talk?"
"I.. I broke up with Santana today.. I know I already told you that but.. She didn't.. We didn't talk, so today I talked to her.. It was hard" her arm goes around my shoulders and my head leans on hers.
"I'm so sorry Britt, I know you lo.. You liked her really much"
"You can say it.. I loved her, I still love her" I close my eyes.
"Do I wanna know why you broke up?"
"Nope, it doesn't matter anymore, we can move on.. I need to move on" she caresses my arm.
"Ok, I'm here if you need me"
"Thank you so much, but I wanna stay alone" she stands up and she goes to the door "Can you.. Can you bring me some ice cream?" She smiles and she goes out.
Santana POV
It's over, I lost everything, the girl I love and my life with her. How can I see her every day without.. She isn't mine anymore.. What if she finds someone else? I can't.. It would make me die, but I have no choice. I broke her heart and now mine is broken too. It's weird, I don't feel physically different but mentally, it sucks.
I have to go, I can't stay here, it's breaking me apart. I need time and space, I could really kill someone right now. My dream was so.. real, I was so close and now it's only a picture in my head. I love her so fucking much.
I start to pack some clothes while I start feeling something weird, my hands are wet, my face is wet.. I'm crying, fuck I hate when it happen and it doesn't happen often.
"San" I look at the door and it's Quinn "What are you doing?"
"I'm gonna go stay at my parents' house for awhile"
"Why?" I look up at her.
"Because I lost everything Quinn" I shout to her.
"I know San, but you can't leave"
"Only for awhile"
"I know that you are really hurt San, that you love her so much, but leaving won't fix anything, not your heart anyway" she stops my hands from packing the rest of my things.
"I need to leave for awhile Quinn, I'm dangerous.. I want to punch something, someone.. Fuck, I could kill someone Quinn! I need some space from here.. Please Quinn let me leave for a few days"
"Are you sure you can handle this alone? I want to help you San" she's right in front of me.
"I know Quinn, but I need to do this alone"
"Ok San, but I'll call you every night. I'll come every night if you want, please don't shut me out ok?"
"Ok, thanks Quinn" I hug her and she holds me tight, thank god I still have Quinn.
She leaves me alone for some time so I can finish packing my bag and clear my head a little, but it's all so confused and fucked up. Once I finish everything I go downstairs and Quinn is already in front of the door. She hugs me again, I know she's worried sick about me, but I really need to be alone, yeah I know that my parents won't leave me alone, well my mother won't leave me alone, but I need to stay away from Brittany and Quinn, mostly away from Puck. I need to cross this moment without Quinn, she's my best friend but she isn't me, I have to count on myself now.
I leave her to the door and I start running toward my parents' house. I don't even stop at Brittany's house, I look up in front of me and I keep running. Once in front of the huge front door I knock, I know they know I'm here and that I can enter, but it's not my house anymore, well not completely, the door opens and my dad is smiling to me.
"You didn't have to wait outside, it's your home" he says.
"I know but it's your house, I didn't want to intrude"
"Don't be stupid, your mother is going to be so happy to see you" we walk into the kitchen and my mom jumps on me immediately.
"Oh Sannytana what are you doing here? Hug me!" She hugs me so tight that I almost lost my breathe!
"Can I stay here for awhile?" She breaks slowly the hug.
"What have you done this time?" My dad asks.
"Why do you always think it's my fault?" I say to him.
"Because when you were little you always were troubles, and growing up yeah you got more mature but you always found the way to get in some trouble!"
"Love what happened?" My mom always knows when I'm in trouble and when I wanna stay alone.
"I.. I.." My eyes start to water.
"Ok don't say anything, go upstairs, I'm gonna make something warm and I'll join you" I nod and I go upstairs.
I go into a guest room and I lay down on the bed. I already feel better now that I'm far away from everything, my mom always know how to spoil me, like a little kid. I'm far away from the world here, I don't know why they bought this house in the middle of a unknown wood, but now it's a good thing for me. I can't hurt anyone here and I can't get hurt, win-win.. Yeah, then why do I feel bad anyway?..
"Honey can I sit with you?" My mom asks from the door with a cup of tea in the hand.
"Yes mommy" I bring my knee on my chest and she sits next to me giving me the cup.
"Do you wanna talk about it? And I'm not gonna accept 'nope' as answer!"
"I don't have choice then" I really small smile leaves my lips.
"So bad darling?" I nod and my eyes starts to get red and wet.
"Things didn't work mommy"
"Are you talking about the Brittany girl?" I nod again "tell me what happened"
"She broke up with me" I place the cup on the bedside and I start to cry hysterically, she caresses my leg trying to comfort me but she can't "she couldn't do otherwise, I deserved it"
"I don't think you deserve to be broken honey"
"Yes I do.. I didn't want to break her.. I didn't want to mommy, I swear.. I love her so much.. But then I started to think about how much I love her, all the making love thing and then Puck and then the fight and my body.."
"Calm down baby" she takes my head and she caresses my hair "you are too upset, can I.. Can I see instead?" I nod, it's easier this way, her hands on my temples, she closes her eyes and she starts to see everything that happened.
I love the fact she can do this, it's so hard to talk sometimes, for me it is every time, the only thing she has to do is touch me and she'll know. When I was in trouble and I didn't want to talk or I felt embarrassed she looked at what happened instead of making me talk, and now she is doing that again, even if I'm not a kid anymore, but words are too heavy to come out, too painful.
"Oh honey I'm so sorry" she says kissing my head.
"I'm too mom, I love her so much"
"I know baby, you tried, you did your best, you had to prove, but now it's over and I'm really sorry, I liked her but everything came out in such a rush, you only have to.. move on I think"
"It's hard, I didn't have a heart until I met her, it beat, I felt it beat and it was amazing because it beat for her, she makes me feel.. She makes me feel everything"
"I'm sorry Sanny"
"Can I stay here for awhile? I wanna think and stay away from her and everything"
"You can stay here all the time you want baby"
"Thank you mom" she leaves the room and I lay on the bed closing my eyes.. Move on.. How can I?
ONE WEEK LATER
Santana POV
I'm doing fine, well I'm always down, but not seeing her is helping me even if I know that I have to see her again soon. Quinn called me every day, sometimes twice a day. She asked me a lot of questions, she is so worried, I think it's because of the silver thing, but I promised Brittany that I won't do it again but Quinn doesn't know that. She didn't say anything about Brittany and I didn't ask about her but I know she saw her, everyday she asked me when I'm going to come back, but I really don't know, what if I come back and I panic when I see her?
"Baby, Quinn called me, again" my mom says.
"I talked to her like an hour ago!"
"I know, she wanted to know how you were doing and she wants to know when you are going to go back"
"Mom I.." She stops me right there.
"Sanny I love you so much, you can stay here however long you want, but I think you should go back, you have to face the situation. I know it's hard but you can't hide here, this is my opinion, think about it" she kisses my head and she leaves me.
Brittany POV
I'm angry, really really angry, she said a few days not an entire week.. It's been a week! Where the hell is she? And why isn't she already here?! This week was already hard, I didn't handle the break up situation that well. I cried everyday and every night I went to the bar with the others and drank until I got drunk so they had to take me home and still, every morning I waited for Santana to enter that damn door at school, but she didn't.. I looked at Quinn but she turned away, she knows where she is and I wanna know too.
She said a few days for Christ's sake! I have to see her, I know she promised me but I'm still worried. I need to see her, I wanna see her even if it'll break me but I still want to.
I tried to call her once, but she didn't answer, I know she needs time and space and I need that too, but I can't not see her for a week. I go to her house and I knock, I saw Quinn come home so she has to open the door and here she is.
"Hi Brittany, do you wanna come in?" I enter and we sit on the couch, I look around me, fuck I'm always a bit nervous around Quinn.. Oh fuck she can hear me! Did you hear me Quinn? She didn't say anything, maybe she isn't 'reading' me.
"Tina asked me why I keep coming here, I think she's a bit scared of you.. Well not you as Quinn, Santana and Puck, but as vampires.. I'm not scared"
"I know and I'm happy to hear that" she smiles to me.
"I wanted to ask you something"
"Yeah I know"
"Oh yes, how couldn't you?!" She looks at me.
"Not because I read mind Brittany, in all these years I learned to read people also without reading their mind"
"In all th.. Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that you aren't really 21.. Where is she Quinn?"
"She's at her parents' house, she didn't tell you?"
"She told me that she needed to go away from a few days, it's been a week" I look at her "how is she doing?"
"I shouldn't tell you.. But she's, she's going on, she's trying at least"
"Good"
"How are you doing?" I look everywhere but her, I start to play with my hands in my lap.
"Same, I'm going on.. I miss her"
"I know she misses you too"
"When is she going to come back?"
"I don't know, she didn't say anything about it, I called her everyday"
"I called her once but she didn't answer" she looks at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry, but don't worry, she's fine, Maribel told me that she isn't doing anything weird"
"Good.. I wanna see her, I know that I don't have any right, but I want her here, we can have our space, we can see eachother and not talk if she wants but I need to see her Quinn, make her comeback"
"I can't Brittany"
"Bring me there" I can see shock in her eyes.
"Really? In a vampires' house?"
"Isn't here one too?" What's the difference?!
"You are right, but do you really wanna go there? Alone with Santana and her parents?"
"Yes Quinn she has to come back, she can't hide there forever"
"Only a week has passed"
"It's enough"
"Ok, she can't do anything to me anyway! Umh, how soon do you wanna be there? See, if we drive we are going to arrive there in 3 hours, if I run with you on my back, we can be there in 20-30 minutes"
"I trust you Quinn" she smiles and she stands up in front of me.
I would lie if I say that I'm not scared, not because of Quinn obviously, but because she is going to run really fast with me on her back. God I'm going to see another thing that a vampire can do. My hands are a bit sweaty, I jump on her back, her arms around my legs, she asks me if I was sure once more and then she starts to run.
Fuck I have to say that it feels good, it feels like flying, like you are completely free from everything. I would like to open my arms and feel the wind against my skin, but I'm sure that if I do it I'll fall immediately, we are going way too fast.
In these 23 minutes I really don't have the time to think what I'm gonna do once I'm there, because I'm really too focused to not fall down from Quinn. She starts to slow down and I feel better, but then I start to panic because if she's slowing down it means that we are close to the house.
We are in a wood, it's the classic background where a girl like me is going to get killed, classic movie scene, fuck I'm starting to be a little scared.. What am I thinking? Santana wouldn't ever let something bad happen to me.. I hope!
Quinn stops and let my feet touch the ground, we walk to a modest lonely house, it's a beautiful house even if there's nothing around here.
"Knock at that door" she says stopping.
"What? Are you going to leave me here?!"
"If I stay here she is going to make me bring you back home"
"Oh.. You are right.. It isn't a joke right? This is her house" she smiles.
"Are you scared now?"
"Maybe a little"
"Don't worry, go now, her dad already know we are here, don't make them wait" she turns and she starts to run toward home.
I'm definitely scared, I'm in the middle of nowhere, I don't know where I am. I turn around and round, I can only see trees. I hear a little noise and I jump, what was that? I run to the door and I knock softly, ok Brittany you knocked already, you can't d.. An handsome boy opens the door, I definitely didn't expect this!
"Oh, hi.. Mmh I'm .. Is this the Lo.. Oh fuck! Shit sorry" why do I have to be so clumsy?! "You must be her dad, sorry, are you Santana's father?"
"You must be Brittany" he says, I'm so nervous.
"Yes sir"
"I'm Ricardo, Santana's father, come in please" we enter and he brings me into the living room.
"I'm sorry if I'm here without notice, it was all so fast"
"Don't worry, can I ask you why are you here?" I sit on the couch and he sits on the armchair in front of me.
"I.. I'm a bit worry and angry and I.." he looks confused "Santana told me she were going to stay away for only a few days and it's been a week.. I know we broke up, that I broke up with her b-"
"Ricardo where are you?" A voice asks, I can hear someone coming down from the stairs, she joins us and I see it's Maribel "oh we have guests" I stand up immediately.
"Hi.. Mmh no, good evening" it's so frustrating, they look like me but they are, I don't know, 100 years old?!
"Hi Brittany, come here give me a hug" she hugs me, wow I thought they were going to hate me "sit please" she sits next to me.
"She is here right? Quinn told me she is here"
"Yes she is upstairs, I didn't expect you here" she says.
"Yeah me too, I decided quickly, I asked Quinn to bring me here and she helped me" his father is studying my face.
"How are you dear?" Maribel asks and I can feel some tears already.
"I'm going on.. I miss her, I think she's hiding here from me and she can't" I sob silently.
"Do you wanna go upstairs and talk to her?" Ricardo asks me and I nod.
"Good, go, I'll make dinner in the meantime" Maribel says while we stand up.
I looked to the sky last night
And my eyes caught the light of star
Burning like the memories of brighter days
And I know this life is all mine
Just a moment in time
But everyday's another beginning's so
Pull yourself together
You know it's for the better
Now, It's our turn
It's our turn to carry this way
Nothing is forever
You can't predict the weather
Now, it's our time
And I'll help you carry this way
They say that love won't die
And then I realize
What will be will be
You're always here with me
And in the darkest night
I feel you by my side
What will be will be
You're always here with me
I slowly go upstairs, searching for her room and then I hear her sing something. She has a beautiful voice, what is she singing? I get closer to the door and I can clearly hear her voice.
Meet me in my dreams
And you can help me believe
Tell me there are gonna be better days
To see your face and I feel your embrace
I swear I'll never forget what you gave so I
Pull myself together
I know it's for the better
Now, it's my turn
It's my turn to carry this way
Nothing is forever
You can't predict the weather
Now, you'll be there to help me carry this way
They say that love won't die
And then I realize
What will be will be
You're always here with me
And in the darkest night
I feel you by my side
What will be will be
You're always here with me
It's beautiful, I slowly open the door and I see her with headphones on, on the bed, eyes closed and tissues on the floor, she cried, I hate when she cries.
And if the day goes by
And you start to question why
Tell me why
There is a way to hold on
You just gotta stay strong
Close your eyes and you will find
Love lives on inside
They say that love won't die
And then I realize
What will be will be
You're always here with me
And in the darkest night
I feel you by my side
What will be will be
You're always here with me
I get closer to her, once I'm almost next to her she opens her eyes and she sees me, wide eyes meet mine.
"Britt, what are you doing here?" She asks concerned, she takes her headphones off and she sits on the bed in front of me.
"You.. You.." I punch her on her arm.
"Hey!"
"IT'S BEEN A WEEK SANTANA!" She looks at me with a mixed face.
"What are you talking about?"
"You told me you were going to stay away for a few days, it's been a week" she keeps looking at me in silent "You can't.. You can't.."
"I can't do what?"
"You can't!" I start to cry, she looks at me for a few seconds then she stands and she hugs me, her arms around me, my nose close to her neck.
"I'm sorry if I stayed here longer than a few days, I just needed space and time"
"I know, I'm sorry too, I know that I don't have any right, but I don't want you so far from me, can we have space in the same city?"
"Ok.. How did you come here?" She asks never letting me go.
"Quinn brought me here.. I'm sorry, I'm the worst ex-girlfriend ever, I should leave you alone fuck, I broke up with you and instead I'm harassing you"
"You aren't harassing me, maybe we need to see each other to go on.. To move on" she caresses my back.
"Maybe"
We stayed there like that for another half hour then Maribel called from the kitchen, we walked downstairs together, we sat around the huge table and we started eating. It's a family dinner, I'm not really comfortable, I should be here, eating with them as Santana's girlfriend not as her ex-girlfriend.
They seem fine, I already met Maribel and it was really fun, but this is the first time I met her father, he doesn't talk too much but he's cool. The food is amazing, didn't she tell me that they didn't eat?
"The food is amazing Maribel" I say, someone has to talk.
"Thank you Brittany, I worked in a restaurant for a few years, I always wanted to teach something to Santana, but she doesn't want to learn"
"I don't see why I should mom, I barely eat" Santana says.
"Quinn loves to eat"
"Then teach her!" Santana says a bit pissed.
"I think it's cute that she wants to teach you something like cooking" I say to Santana.
"We don't eat Brittany"
"I know but it's cute anyway, you don't sleep but you have your bed and sleep, so I don't see why you don't wanna cook" she looks at me.
"I like her" Maribel says and Ricardo smiles and nods.
"Sin that we aren't together then.. Sorry I'm not so hungry" she stands up and she leaves the table going upstairs.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to ruin your dinner" I feel so guilty.
"Don't worry, she has some problem with being herself" Ricardo says.
"What do you mean?"
"She doesn't w-"
"Ricardo!" We turn to Maribel "Our daughter asked us only one thing remember?.. I'm sorry Britt but we can't say anything, talk to her"
"I'm going to help you clean the table" I offer standing up.
"Don't be silly, go upstairs" she says to me.
I go upstairs, what can I say to her? She has every right to be pissed right now, I like her parents but they shouldn't like me, I broke her daughter's heart, they should hate me.. I invaded her safe space.
I knock at the door, I can barely hear her say "come in", I open the door slowly and I closed it behind me. I sit next to her on the bed thinking about what to say.
"Do you wanna tell me why you left like that?" I ask.
"They love you a-"
"How can you say that?"
"I know my parents, my mom loved you since the first time I spoke about you to her and I only have to see my dad's face to understand that he loves you too"
"I'm sorry?"
"I'm happy that they love you, but they should love my girlfriend not my ex-girlfriend.. It's not your fault, it's too soon for them to love you, it's just that, we broke up when? Officially a week ago"
"I'm sorry, it was a bad idea coming here" my hands on my head.
"Stop saying that you are sorry Britt, it's making me feel even worse.. Anyway are you ready to go home?"
"There's a train station or something? Where are we exactly?"
"I'm not gonna let you take a bus" she stands up.
"How am I going to come back home?" What is she doing? Is she packing?
"How did you get here?"
"Quinn"
"Well I can do it too, we are going back together, I only have to finish here"
Once she packed her bag we go downstairs to say goodbye to her parents, they tell me to come back sometimes but I tell them that Santana has to decide. We close the front door and Santana gives me her bag so she can take me on her back, I jump on her, her strong arms round my legs lifting me a bit more up, my arms around her neck, I can smell her amazing perfume, I lean my face on her neck and she starts to run.
She stops in front of my house, it's late, I get off her back and I give her the bag. I turn to go toward my front door and she takes my hand stopping me, she looks at me in the eyes, I don't know what is she trying to say to me..
She gets closer to me, our bodies touch lightly, I look down at her lips and she kisses me, a simple kiss, our lips like a perfect puzzle, it lasts only a few seconds, but it's enough, she leans back and then she runs away. Are we the kind of couple that never really breaks up? We kissed and stayed together kind of, more than some time to be not a couple! I enter the house and I go to sleep, tomorrow it'll be a new beginning..
Song: You're always here by Ashley Tisdale.
tell me your thoughts! Hope you liked it ;)
Deb