Disclaimer: All characters, while revised are the property of Stephenie Meyer, author of The Twilight Saga. No infringement is intended. This story is about BDSM. If you are not 18 please go elsewhere. There will be some scenes in this story that will be dark and hard to read. If you are interested in BDSM please do proper research before partaking. If preformed without proper education it can be dangerous. THIS STORY IS NOT A MANUAL TO THE LIFE OF BDSM.

Thanks Clglover. Fan Fictions most awesome beta.

Hope you all like my new character! I sure do (hehehe)

Chapter 12

Opening Wounds

(Seth POV)

I couldn't believe I was sitting there; in the waiting room of a therapist. A stranger was going to tell me how to fix my fucked up life. I've walked this bumpy road for twenty-six years and I didn't know what to do from day to day but some shrink was going to have all the answers with the click of her pen and unrelated questions like "What time in the morning/night were you born?" and "What side of the bed did you sleep on?" The only good thing was that I wasn't in a hospital.

Walking into the office space I would have thought I was anywhere but a psychologist's office. The receptionist greeted me with a wide, toothy smile as she pointed me to the waiting area. There was no clip board of survey question to be filled out, giving the shrink some information to work with when they asked the loaded questions later. The room was decorated with black and white landscape art in large silver and black frames. The large plasma television played the nations news as the caption showed on the screen, blocking the update that scrolled across the bottom. All the chairs were black, cloth, cushioned with a half a foot between each chair. I was comfortable with the space; the last thing I needed was to be sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with some guy I didn't know, nor cared to get to know. That wouldn't have been a problem though, the waiting area had only two other people. There was the woman sitting on the opposite wall from me. She was pretty, but in a very cliché kind of way: blond hair, blue eyes, long legs, pouty lips and curvy, everything a straight man would likely want. I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with her. The other guy seemed normal enough too. He was cute in an all American kind of way with his dark brown hair and boy like face. Nothing stood out about him yet there had to be something or else he wouldn't be here, right? I was sure they were wondering the same thing about me.

Why was I there?

Edward Masen was why I was there. Over the last month or so things between us had been getting increasingly difficult. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place: I didn't want to go back to my apartment but I was wearing my welcome out with Edward; or so I thought. Who wanted to leave heaven for purgatory? Though things were difficult between us, just being inside Edward's house, surrounded by the things that were his and his home's aura still made it heavenly. Yet I couldn't let my place go. It was only a matter of time till Edward would want me to leave and I would have nowhere else to go.

Memories of the time spent with Quil and all the time spent recuperating from Caius was splattered all over those walls. I couldn't look at them anymore. I couldn't go back there. I had already decided as soon as my lease was up I was moving. So to at least help Edward, until I grew a set and left, I had to move out of his bedroom. That hurt me but by that point I was pained enough and a little bit more wasn't going to make a difference. Edward didn't try to convince me to stay in his room really; further letting me know my time in heaven was coming to an end. I don't really know what I was expecting Edward to say. We weren't together; we were hardly even close anymore.

Edward caught it all. My breakdowns and crying, my unease, confusion, and more than anything else, my anger. I had even physically attacked him. It hurt to see us getting further and further apart, but there was nothing I could do. I tried to protect what was left of my heart and began distancing myself from Edward by working late, or not lying with him in the living room. Too often I wanted to take his hand in mine or lay across his firm lap as I wrapped myself in his blanket. Those nights alone, as Edward was away at the hospital and I lay in the middle of the bed in the guest bedroom, I felt more alone than I had in my entire adult life. The pain was amplified when Edward was there, in his bed, only a few feet away. My body screamed to be connected to his as if it knew that what it really needed was so close. I lay awake wondering if Edward missed my touch as much as I missed his. I had fallen for Edward and there was no fixing it now. It was more than just his gorgeous green eyes and lean build. Now it was all of him. Edward was kind and gentle and considerate. I was going to endure the heartbreak I tried so desperately to avoid from the very beginning.

Yet when Edward stood before me that night just two weeks ago screaming how much he cared, how much he loved me, I didn't want to believe it. I thought it was my damaged mind playing tricks on me, telling me what I wanted to hear. But it wasn't a dream or a hallucination. Edward said he loved me. I knew Edward cared, he proved that all those nights he fixed what Caius had broken, but love never occurred to me. I kept questioning how it was possible for this angel to feel anything for someone as lowly as me. It was expected for me to love him, he was angelic and everything a higher creature should be. The human always falls for the angel but the angels are not supposed to fall for the human. That night I didn't sleep. I stared at the ceiling repeating his words to myself. He wanted more of me.

"I love you, okay? Not as a friend, or a brother, but as so much more. I miss lying with you and holding you. You have had a place in my heart since the first time you ever came here. I want all of you, damaged and all."

I had the opportunity to have what I wanted, even if it meant possibly dragging down an angel. I was too selfish to consider how bad I was for Edward at that moment. I wanted him more than I wanted the air in my lungs and as long as he would let me, I was going to hold on for dear life.
So as I sit here waiting on a Dr. Glover, I internally chant "for tomorrow with Edward, for tomorrow with Edward." Without that mental reminder, without that green eyed wonder of a reason, I would have left. Correction-I wouldn't have come at all. I knew I had things that happened to me and the catastrophic end of Caius and I was just another chapter in my fucked up book of life. Shit happened. Life was a terrible thing to happen to a person. It was nothing to stop functioning over. You cry and you scream and you try your best to move on. It will always stick with you and be a part of which you are; molding you. You just try your best not to rub it off onto someone else.

Apparently I had been doing a bad job at that. Edward, the innocent, was getting covered in my shit. He didn't deserve that. He deserved someone better, stronger, saner than I was. Maybe one day he will come to his senses and see that. But I had to give us a fighting chance. If listening to some glorified know-it-all was going to get me a chance with Edward, a pass to try for my happily ever after, then I had to at least try.

Edward and I hadn't talked about the declaration, or what it meant for us. To be honest, I was happy with our opposite work schedules for the first time; I wasn't ready to talk about it with him. I hadn't declared my feeling for Edward and I was too afraid to do so. I don't attract the good guys, so if I wanted Edward than that meant that he had some fatal flaw I hadn't seen yet. I wasn't ready to lose my perfect rendition of Edward. Edward must have been second guessing his decision to let the cat out of the bag as well, or was concern that I hadn't told him how I felt because he hadn't brought up the topic again either. On those two days he had been off since his shocking words or those few short hours before he went to work, we seemed to be on egg shells. Our activities hadn't changed, corny movies and dinner eaten at the same table, but suddenly there seemed to be a meaning behind everything. The way his hand brushed mine, the way he said my name, or hello and goodbye. I tried to analyze it all looking for the reason.

We did sit closer on the couch and occasionally our hands would brush. I would blush like I had a school house crush. Edward continued to sit at the head of the table and to me that was where he always belonged. We didn't talk about what was going to happen next and I honestly didn't know what we were afraid of. I guess the same thing that kept us from revealing ourselves from the beginning was now shielding us from what to do about those feelings. Edward had sat the stage to put it all out in the open and yet we still held back. I was hoping that seeing this therapist would at least begin to show Edward my hand.

"Mr. Clearwater? Follow me please," a woman said standing before me. She ushered me into a small hallway towards two doors, one on each side of the hallway. She opened the door that lined the left wall, signaling for me to go in ahead of her. She patted the red seat of the small chair in front of a desk. She reappeared at my side presenting me with bottle water.

"Dr. Glover will be coming in just a few moments." I gave her a short nod as she left the office.

The space was comfortable enough. Nothing about the room was intimidating as I expected it to be. The desk was modest and clean; orderly. Only a few folders sat atop of it, next to the flat screen computer. There were no personal items on the desk, like family pictures, but the room was far from absent of any framed photos.

Directly in front of the chair I occupied were two large framed photos. Each had to be at least 15x17. The picture on the left was a woman in a leather corset of sort, bound by an intricate knot and pulley system. The woman face was partially covered by her extended arm as her body was posed in a reveres fetal position. Though her face could not be seen, her eyes said it all. They smolder in the picture and screamed fierce pleasure. The second photograph was of a man on his knees, his back facing the camera. Both arms were held behind him by four leather straps ranging in sizes small enough to bind his wrist to large enough to hold his massive biceps. The man was obviously naked and his body was turned slightly, yet still hiding his manhood. His face peaked over his left shoulder, stealing glances at the lucky individual holding the camera. His eyes were soft and screamed "take me" I couldn't look away from it until the sound of the door startled me.

The woman that walked in I could only assume was my new doctor. She wore a pair of khaki color flair dress pants that matched the jacket that hung on the back of her chair. Her black shirt was clinging to her small frame. She wore a scarf around her neck with alternating black, white, and light brown stripes. The scarf was long enough to hang to her small waist although it was loosely wrapped around her neck twice.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Seth," she said, bending over behind her desk, her long dark blonde hair curtaining beside her.

"That's alright, I guess." Suddenly my nerves were bubbling up inside me. I wasn't so sure I was going to be able to do this.

"Well, let's get started, shall we?" Dr. Glover motioned for me to follow her to another sitting area inside her office. A smaller red love seat sat in front of a chair with a coffee table in between.

I took my seat on the couch and sighed. How cliché was this really going to be?

"I am sure you have deduced I am Dr. Cindy Glover and I am hoping we will become close." I had no response. "So, tell me why you are here."

I couldn't find words to speak. My arms folded across my chest and my knee began to bounce. I knew this was coming but suddenly I was in protection mode. I never talked about this and fighting my instinct to hold it back, hold it all in, was warring against my desire to do this for Edward. I was determined to do something, anything other than answer that question.

"You have," I cleared my throat, "some very interesting art." I said motioning to the pieces. It was then I noticed more of the work on other walls of the space. She had surrounded herself with submissives. All of the pictures were in black and white, of different men or women; some contained both men and women in one shot.

"Thank you," she said turning to admire them as well. "They are some of my best and favorite work."

"You took them?"

"Oh, no! I posed them." Her eyes focused on the pieces, her lip turning up on the ends.
She was remembering. "So, Seth, it is obvious that nothing you can say will shock me. I've heard it all both in this room and out. Tell me why you are here," she said going back to her original question.

"I was told I needed to get help," I said not looking at her. I was back to being defensive.

"Told? I guess that answers what side of the session you are on. Do you always do what you are told?"

"What is that supposed to mean? Don't think you know me or going to command me into anything." I was beyond uncomfortable and the anger was rising quickly. I moved to the edge of the coach, not sure what was keeping me from just walking out. I was never going to be able to do this. Dr. Glover stood and walked to her desk, writing something down on a card.

"You are not ready to talk to me. You have to want this for yourself, not because you were told to come." She handed me the card she was writing on. "Here. If you are going to open up, and let me in so that I can help you, come back. If not, don't waste your time, or my time, or the person's time that cared enough to suggest you come." Dr. Glover walked to her door and stood there with it open.

I was without words, but I knew what she said was true. I didn't want to be there. I was there for Edward's peace of mind. I didn't believe she had anything that could help me. No one did. The hell I had managed to get out of was my past and there was no reason to drag it back up.
I stormed out the office, not looking back. I tossed the card in my tray inside the car only then noticing the date and time for a second appointment a week later. Nothing would change in a week. I was likely never to see Dr. Glover again. The idea of not giving it a chance, having to tell Edward that, didn't sit well with me either. I drove in silence, thinking about what Dr. Glover said. Did I always do what I was "told?"

I walked through the door completely exhausted from my day. My shirt was un-tucked and my hair was all over my head from running my fingers through it in frustration. Days like this used to end in Edward's warm embrace but I wouldn't have that this time. I suspected that once I told him what happened I would never have it again.

"Hey," Edward greeted me. He stood at the living room entrance holding a blanket and a plastic bag. "I figured we could have a picnic tonight. Hope you are in the mood for pasta."

"Hi . . . um yeah, that sounds good." I was too focused on Edward's bare chest and feet. He wore nothing more than a pair of his scrub pants and rather it was just my own desire taking over or the truth, but he didn't appear to be wearing anything underneath.

"I'm going to go change."

I emerged back into the living room ten minutes later a lot more comfortable and fresh than when I left. I was welcomed to a spot on the floor by Edward's beautiful smile. He had already laid out our food and sat my favorite blanket on the floor beside my plate, just in case. I took my spot only offering him a slight smile. He started the movie and we began to eat in silence.

"How was your day?" Edward asked, looking intently at his plate as if he had posed the question to his fettuccini, instead of me.

"It was okay. A little stressful. Yours?"

"Busy, but good."

That was all in the way of conversation for a while. The tension between us was too tight. Not only was the weight of the last two months on us, but I could sense Edward wanted to know how things had went today at the therapist office. I wasn't ready to have him disappointed in me, but I knew this was something that I wasn't going to get away with hiding.

"Edward, why did you want me to talk to the therapist?" I no longer had an appetite. I sat the food down off the blanket.

"I thought it might help with your anger and anxiety you've been having. Why? What happened?" Edward moved closer to me taking my hand into his. For the first time in so long, if only for a brief moment, I felt like the old us.

"It just didn't go well. I . . . I umm don't know if I'm going back." I let go of Edward's hand. I looked into Edward's face and saw nothing but disappointment. He stared at his now empty hand. I couldn't tell if the pain came from my words or because I broke our connection.

"I couldn't do it, Edward. I couldn't sit there and act like she was going to be able to change something or answer some question I didn't even know I had. I'm sorry, Edward. I don't want to disappoint you, but I just can't go back there."

"Seth, you won't," Edward stopped talking but I knew he wanted to say I wouldn't disappoint him but we both knew that would be a lie. "I just wanted you to be happy and I know you are not. How do you know it wouldn't help?"

"I just do! I just have to get over it. I well get better in time. It was fucked up but now it's over and there is nothing that will change that." I stood up ready to drop this conversation. My anger was flaring again and I didn't want to fight with Edward, not this time.

"Seth, you have to want this for yourself. I won't tell you what to do, but I am asking you to think about it." Edward stood up slowing inching towards me. I could see the struggle in his eyes. He seemed to want to hold me, touch me or something, as his hands reached out for me but his feet wasn't moving. Maybe he was afraid I would hit him again.

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" I was screaming. I saw Edward physically brace himself for my wrath. "I have decided, but no one is taking my word for it. I don't want to relive this. I just want to fucking forget!" I pulled on my hair, feeling the burn of the pain it caused.

The heavy silence returned; neither of us moved form our spot where we stood. Time seemed to move slowly, everything going on besides us but we were frozen. Edward's face was a mold of pain. I wanted to know so desperately what he was thinking.

"Edward," I began to move closer, "what do you want from me?"

"I just want you. I want us to be happy together. I love you but . . ." Edward never finished that sentence. He characteristically ran his fingers through his own bronze messy hair. That "but" stayed stranded out there in the gorge of space between us. It sliced at my heart; love always came with a condition.

"If you don't want to help yourself than I can't help you either. No matter what, I will lose in the end: I won't have you or you will just hurt me while I desperately, and unsuccessfully, try to make you happy." Edward's voice was heavy and I could see his eyes begin to turn red as he fought back tears. "Seth, I don't want to be somewhere I know I will be hurt."

I didn't know how to talk. Edward thought I would hurt him? Did he mean emotionally and mentally hurt him, just as my relationships had hurt me, or physically hurt him? I had already shown that wonderful side of my personality, but surely he didn't believe I would abuse him, did he? Edward's words only bounced around me taunting me, showing me the man I had become. I made no attempt to hold back my own tears. I didn't see Edward walk out of the room, but suddenly the space was closing in around me. I had to get out of those walls.

The car just seemed to be moving with me along for the ride. I had no destination and I saw nothing out of the window as I sped through the city. I pulled into the parking lot of a deserted park. The sun had long since set and as I sat in the bench of the cold wood, I realized I was wearing nothing more than my thin sweat pants and a t-shirt, no coat. The cool air pierced my fragile clothing, picking at my flesh, but nothing could dull the pain in my heart, or drawn out the many thoughts floating through my mind.

No matter how much I wanted to deny it, Edward had given me an ultimatum (rather he was trying to or not): get help or we could never be. The realization of the subtle threat was brutal on my already fractured heart. I knew Edward wasn't trying to do it but he had. I had to choose between him and my own stubbornness. If I was being honest with myself it would always be him I chose. I preferred his warm embrace over my cold loneliness. I preferred his hearty laugh over my own sad monotone voice. But it still reminded me that I had to want "help" for myself and while I wanted a change I still couldn't see it being in the hands of Dr. Glover or any other therapist. There was nothing to help when I didn't see anything wrong.

I felt my tears roll down my face only when the May breeze cooled my skin. I was gong to be perpetually alone. No Edward. No Quil, No Caius. Would I be able to get through life on my own? Maybe that was what I really needed, to be alone; out from the watchful eyes of everyone. I didn't deserve to be with anyone and no one deserved to have to deal with my issues and my anger. I had begun to sob uncontrollably. I wrapped my arms around my bent knees as I pulled my feet on top of the bench I had occupied. I had no one to comfort me. I didn't even have my favorite blanket to keep me warm.

I returned to Edward's house after driving around for hours. I quietly crept into my room and continued my tearless sobs, trying hard not to disturb the sleeping angel in the room across from mine.

The week past in a lonely and sad blur of hours and days. Edward and I made no attempt to have dinner at the same time. The television in the living room hadn't been on since the night. I ran away to my park. It had become yet another way for me to avoid Edward. Work, park and my lonely bed was my every day routine. I would return to Edward's home only to see him sitting in his office, off from the living room. His eyes would fall when he saw me. And as if he was simply waiting to make sure I had come back, after I removed my coat and placed my keys on my hook, would he turn off his office light and slowly make his way to his room. Still, no words were shared.

Work seemed harder. As usual my fuse was a short and I was continually distracted by thoughts of him. Luckily no one questioned me on my absent mindedness; I didn't think I could have come up with a good enough lie. I didn't realize how much of a relief Edward had been in my life. The long days at work and thinking of my undefined future all seemed to melt away when I was in Edward's presence. I didn't realize I had that peace until it was no longer there. I couldn't help but wonder, even if only for my own desire to pour salt on an open wound, but did Edward miss me? Did he receive any release from me being in his life? Or was I one heartache after another?

A lot had changed that week. I had grown weaker in my attempt to avoid both Edward and the truth. I did need help. I had walked this life for over twenty years and hadn't figured it out. Maybe I was doing it all wrong. I was expecting something to change, to be different, yet I wasn't willing to do anything differently. Isn't that the definition or insanity?

~xXx~

I sat in the familiar waiting room even more nervous than I was the first time. However, this time beneath the frantic nerves was determination. Determination to get this done, to get the help I so desperately needed and the motivation to move forward in my life.

Edward was present in my mind but this time he was a small part of my purpose for being there. I didn't chant in my head "for tomorrow with Edward," but instead I said, "for my happiness today". Whether I ended up with Edward was no longer my incentive, but instead it was for me to end up with the real me. I had never known a truly happy Seth, happy to be alive, happy to be where I was in my life, and I was anxious to finally meet him. I thought we could be really great friends. I didn't tell Edward I was going back to Dr. Glover's office. I would have likely lost my nerves about it all. Besides this was all about me.

"Seth, I'm so happy to see you," Dr. Glover said as it was her who met me in the waiting room this time.

"I'm actually glad to be here today," I said as I stood on my feet to follow to her office. I couldn't help but notice she wore another unusually long scarf; this one cream and violet.

"So, what can I help you with?" She asked as she took her seat in the same seating area where we left each other before.

"I want to do this. Be here. Talk to someone. Talk to you about . . . everything." I began to fidget, everything in me wanting to clam up, but I was fighting hard against that impulse. "I want this for myself, not because someone told me to." My voice was laced with sincerity.

"Good. That's a start. What is it that you want for yourself?" Dr. Glover was looking directly in my eyes. I was sure if I lied she would know. Her intense stare was making me even more uncomfortable. I had already warned myself that this wasn't going to be my favorite thing in the world and yet I was going to see it through. I wasn't leaving this time. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pushed back on my fight or flight instincts, in an attempt to let it all go.

"I haven't been happy in a really long time. I'm not sure if I ever really been happy actually. All my adult life I've been with men who," I hesitated. I knew she was a part of the same secret world that loved so much, but this was going to be the first time I ever said it out loud to anyone and I was having to force it out after all these years. "Every guy I've ever been with had been my Dom or Master. I don't know me without them. I need to change that." There it was out, and there was no taking it back.

Dr. Glover sat back in her chair, a small smile undoubtedly on her face.

"I hope I can help you with that. So, if you are serious about this, I have only two things I ask of you: One-be honest with me, being honest with me is being honest with yourself; and Two-no playing, scenes, or sessions until I see you have made some personal strides towards this goal you have set for yourself."

"What?" I wasn't with anyone but the fact that she gave such a stipulation floored me.

"You need to have a clear head, Seth. You have already admitted that you lose yourself in these Doms you chose. That is not how things should be. So, until we discover who Seth Clearwater really is, you don't need to be getting lost again."

"Okay," I stretched out the word. "Now what?"

"Let's just start from the beginning." Dr. Glover got comfortable in her seat. The click of her pen made me roll my eyes before I could stop myself. "Tell me why you don't like psychologists."

"I didn't say," I was about to go into it but stopped when the good doctor arched her eyebrow to signal she wasn't going to believe my next words. "It's not that I don't like psychologists, it is just I don't talk about things with people. Anybody. I don't like telling people what's going on because they judge or they are often times powerless to change it, or chose not to change it anyway. I just kind of grin and bear it."

"Does that attitude follow you in choosing a Dom and into your sessions?" Dr. Glover's pen was moving ninety miles a minute, but she was staring intently at me.

"I don't know. I guess. Sometimes?"

"Seth, when people play they talk about it. Their wants, their limits, its all discussed before hand. If you can't tell someone these things you shouldn't be playing. If you can't use your safe word because you are just going to 'grin and bear it' than there is no need to have one now is there? This is why you are being taken advantage of. You fear being alone and they will leave if you don't take what they give you, even when they are give you shit."

I was floored yet again. I couldn't pull my mouth off my lap. How did she come up with all of that from one damn question? The silence may have been in the room but my head was loudly screaming at me, rolling her words around. She looked as if she knew I was thinking strongly on her declaration and was giving me time to determine the truth in them for myself.

I hardly ever used my safe word, even when I was in so much pain that pleasure was far forgotten. With every Dom and Master there were times when I should have just walked away and never looked back. Fuck contracts. Fuck relationships. Fuck being dominated. They were cruel and tried to break me and instead of just leaving I held on tighter, trying to change myself to match their ways (right or wrong). Why? Because being lonely far out weighed a short day or two of being in physical pain. I thought I would be fine when my body healed. I never though about the other scars they were giving me. I don't know how long I sat there turning the last almost decade of my life and relationships over in my head. I had forgotten I was in Dr. Glover's office until she spoke again.

"We are getting ahead of ourselves. Your lifestyle is not the problem; it's the things we do that follow us to our playroom that brings our problems into our sexual world. With that said, let's start with what you do know about Seth. How you grew up, where you are from, that sort of thing."

And I did. I told Dr. Glover about my abusive mother and her complete distaste for me for no reason other than I looked too much like my father. This would be the same father I never met. I told her about my rush to leave home after my mother became the first person to use a homophobic slur towards me. I explained how I found out about this erotically enticing life at only nineteen years old, and have had a Dominant every since. I filtered nothing. Too often my body wanted to stop, but I pushed on, ignoring the feeling of exposure and vulnerability. I kept telling myself that I pushed my body for so many people who never deserved it, but I did deserved to have some answers, some insight into my life and this discomfort really would be worth it in the end. I sat on Dr. Glover's couch crying, utterly exposing myself. It was the longest hour of my life.

When I couldn't speak anymore I sat back on the couch surrounded by used tissues. My eyes dropped from the exhaustion and my energy felt spent; as if I had been running. Dr. Glover didn't say a word during my rant, only writing, listening, and staring. Words no longer flowed from my tongue but my mind was racing.

"You did really well today. Seth, would you like to come back? We still have a lot to discuss."

"Yeah," was my well thought out response. We did still have a lot to discuss. I hadn't even begun on things with Quil and Caius, plus I wanted her opinion on everything she had been hearing and taking notes on. I needed another one of those pearls she produced from simple grains of sands I offered her about my life. I may have been wrong about Dr. Glover. It was looking like she would we able to help me in this walk after all.

"I would like to see you at least twice a week if that is okay with your schedule, but of course if you need me you have my number to call me directly. Here are your next two appointments," she said handing me two of her cards.

I still couldn't speak. I only nodded my head reaching for the cards.

"Seth, can I ask you one more question?" Dr. Glover said turning her pen around in her hand almost nervously.

"Sure, sure," my voice was still a little shaky.

"You said someone told you to come last time. Who was that?"

I couldn't hold back the smile that was growing on my face, but thinking about how things had been between us, tears began to dwell again in my eyes.

"His name is Edward. He is …" I didn't know what he was anymore. There wasn't a word strong enough to describe all Edward was to me. He was my friend was the easiest answer, yet it was too simple. Edward was more than a friend. We were once close to being lovers. He was once my doctor. Edward was my support and guidance, but all that was a conversation for another day; another box of tissues.

"Edward is just really important."

"I can tell."

~xXx~

I couldn't go straight home from Dr. Glover's office. I aired all my pain to her and I felt too exposed. Though it was only the doctor and me in that office, I felt like every set of eyes that landed on me now knew what I didn't want them to know. All the emotions were on my sleeve and you could read my life straight from my skin like a book.

I took refuge in my park, on my bench that had become my surrogate comforter. It supported me, just not in the way that I wanted. I let what was left of my tears drain, waiting for the fissure I opened up to close. The edges burned, reminding me of the pain over the years of my life. I wrapped my arms tightly around my body, hoping to hurry along the healing but it didn't budge. The idea in the back of my mind suggested that it would never close. I had opened it to wide and for too long.

I walked into Edward's house as late as usual, quietly trying to make it to my bed. My eyes still burned from the tears I had shed for hours with Dr. Glover and at the park. The glow of Edward's office light was the only illumination coming from inside the house. Edward appeared at his office door, having heard me enter. He had received his confirmation that I had returned. I was frozen in my spot looking into his emerald orbs that always seemed to capture me. A look of exhaustion and than concern ran across his face.

"Seth? What's wrong?" Edward closed the space between us, wrapping one arm around my waist, as the other landed on my jaw, stroking my cheek lovingly.

My eyes closed enjoying the feel of our closeness. Edward's scent surrounded me. We hadn't been so close in weeks. I knew I missed him, missed being in his arms, but finally having it showed me just how much I felt neglected without it.

"What is it, Seth? Please, talk to me."

"Nothing," I whispered into his chest only inches from my face. "I've just had an exhausting day. I'll be fine. Really," I said managing to find his eyes. The green seemed to glow with even more love and care than I had ever noticed before. I wasn't going to tell Edward about either my appointment, nor my upcoming scheduled visits with Dr. Glover. I didn't want him to think that this was all about him, about us. For the first time in my life this was about me.

"I have to work tonight, but you will talk to me, yes? If you need me, you will call. We really should talk tomorrow. This week has been hard and I hate being away from you, walking around you," Edward said running his hands across my face and hair.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I . . . am . . . um really tired. I'm just going to call it a night." I slowly pulled away from his embrace missing his body heat. I needed something to get me through the emotional night ahead.

I quickly reached up, softly planting my lips on his briefly, only long enough to leave the feel of his skin and the sweetness of his breath. I stayed in his arms for only a moment longer. When I opened my eyes to look into his beautiful face I was met with his content smile as if he needed that just as much I had. Edward didn't say another word.

I went to sleep that night still feeling the stress of my day, but letting the memory of the smoothness of Edward's lips and his ever present aroma sooth away the burn. There were a lot more wounds to be examined, and I was going to need something other than a chaste kiss from Edward to get me through the upcoming roller coaster ride.