The 13th Annual Kim Possible Fannies Awards

by KP Fannie Committee

Here we are, folks. The 13th Annual Kim Possible Fannies Awards are here as the 2017 nominees await to hear the winners of the coveted Golden Rufus statuettes. First off, a short prologue on the events of the live-action movie. The fanfic is rated T for some language, some suggestive moments, and some action violence.

13. Minor Character, Villain and Songfic

Chapter 13 - Best Minor Character, Villain, and Songfic

Vincent Price's cackling evil laugh at the end of the song indicated that it was time to return to the show. The few audience members who were dancing in the aisles also returned to their seats. Sharper came back onto the stage along with CajunBear and Sentinel.

"And welcome back, everyone. I hope y'all didn't get scared from the song!" Sharper said in welcoming back the audience to a warm applause.

"They didn't." Sentinel snarked, "The dead aren't going to exactly rise from the graves and dance in song!"

"No!" Cajunbear snickered, "Brains seems to be their all-you-can-eat buffet."

The audience laughed a bit.

"Speaking of the buffet, CB, I'm still hungry even after we ate dinner earlier!" Sharper groaned while clenching his stomach.

"We'll get something during the intermission period." Cajunbear replied.

"Anywho, our next awards presenters were once members of Kim's cheer squad at Middleton High but now have had successful careers in the workforce. Give it up for Tara Morgan, Marcella Lopez, and Jessica Appleton.

Tara, Marcella, and Jessica, all in their late 20s, came to the stage. Tara was in a sparkling strapless blue gown, Jessica was in a black evening dress, while Marcella went with a pink evening gown. Tara held the envelope containing the winner while Jessica had the Golden Rufus statuette.

The audience applauded the three former cheerleaders as they came to the podium.

"Minor characters have always played a major role in Kim's show. From professors and scientists who needed her help to villains who tried to take over the world, sometimes from outer space." Tara began.

"We may not always get the lion's share of the lines, but we make full use of them." Marcella agreed.

"In the world of KP's stories by these authors, the minor characters take on a much larger role indeed." Jessica said to the audience, "The following six nominees exemplify that role."

Marcella: Jack Hench from RJ&Martin by Emersonian

Jack Hench shook his head with displeasure before raising his hands up to show his entire, large office. "You know, RJ, HenchCo is a company that prides itself to its contribution to the evil community services. I was only in my late twenties when I founded this company, where we've built state-of-the-art weapons and devices and trained henchmen before having the whole lot sold or hired by our clients. Later on, I created the Y.E.A.R.N Program to villain-up youngsters like yourself..."

"To increase the amount of criminals in order to encourage your clients to hire more henchmen here?" RJ guessed.

"You are good!" Jack Hench clapped his hands in praise.

"But then the entire 'alien invasion' thing plummeted your numbers?" RJ air quoted the invasion that she had heard of as many times as her stunt.

"Thanks for reminding me." Jack Hench grimaced. "Now with all the good people focusing more on space and villains getting away with their crimes too easily, villainy is going downside along with my company. Y.E.A.R.N is now reduced to the size of a normal, pathetic high school class. Seriously, I have two kids of my own in Y.E.A.R.N and I've caught them yawning in class!"

Jessica: Tara from The Mad Scientists Assistant by Neo The Saiyan Angel.

Tara grinned at the fact that she was nominated. "Neo, I owe you a milkshake."

"Hey now, not everything he does is something shady. Don't forget, I based some of my work off of his Bebe designs!" Vivian defended. She turned to Tara and asked, "I caught that you're his new assistant, but I missed the name."

omfgDrVivianPorterwastalkingtoher

Very, very calmly, the assistant replied, "Tara. Tara Blie."

"Terribly?" The beautiful blonde's eyebrow tilted.

"Nono that's just wrong!" Tara corrected, starstruckedness forgotten, "bleye."

Tara: Adrenna Lynn from Rebounds by Emperor of Dreams

"Yeah, maybe this will work. What do you want me to do first?"

"A test, I think. A test of both your competence and your loyalty."

"Go on." Adrena promised herself that she'd put the smug bitch in her place one day. For now, though, she'd play along.

"I want you to take Team Go and go to Middleton to spy on young Kim Possible."

"Really?" Adrena had thought Shego came first on Electronique's list of priorities, but she wasn't going to argue.

"You are only going to do surveillance. You will not engage her."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. What am I spying her for?"

Marcella: Bonnie Rockwaller from Past and Present Volume 2 by Levi2000a

Almost indignant, "If it was someone from Ron's past Bonnie, then how did you find out about it since you divorced him almost twenty years ago?", Kim shot back.

Matter-of-factly, "He was more concerned about someone from his and your past, Kim." Bonnie replied. "You and Ron did make more than a few enemies in your time.", she retorted with a snark reminiscent of high school. Now looking around, "So where is he? Or are we too late?"

Peering suspiciously at her, "How do you know so much Bonnie?", Kim grilled Bonnie.

Not intimidated in the least, "You came over here just itching to get back at him for what he did to you.", Bonnie shot back, "Trying to get a rise out of him by saying he was a bad father.", her eyes hardened. "Purposely pushing his buttons just to get him to fight you.", she let hang in the air.

"Or am I wrong?", Bonnie fired off a question she also answered.

In Kim's stunned silence, "A piece of advice K, the next time you sit down to have lunch with your best bitch friend, you might want to check to see who's sitting in the booth next to yours.", Bonnie advised forcefully.

Tara: Hana Stoppable (aka Cromwell) from Black Pearl by JeffC FTW

When he slid that plain silver wedding band around her finger, she was Hana Cromwell. Under a canopy of baby's breath and lily-of-the-valley, they were Mr. and Mrs. Cromwell. He could never take his eyes off his beautiful bride, not even when he kissed her at the proclamation.

White rose petals littered after them as he carried her down the aisle, because he wanted to, and it had been none other than Ron Stoppable to catch the bouquet when she tossed it, and how hilarious it had been when he had competition with her bridesmaids in light green. Crispin laughed with her all the way out to the rented black convertible with Just Married in the bunker for all to see. Their fifty guests waved at them all before departing to their separate vehicles to follow them to celebrate.

"How does it feel to be married?" Hana asked as soon as they were outside the sweet, small church where her parents had gotten married, where the car was waiting so he could drive them both to the reception at the museum. It had a spot grand enough for a wedding celebration, and it WAS part of his and Hana's lives to rejoice this happy day.

"Feels great," Crispin answered, leaning over to kiss her lips. Today had been without any trouble, and he hoped it would stay that way...

Jessica: And lastly, Yori from Ashes by Dreamwreaver

"And what of Fukushima?" he had asked one night. After that disastrous attempt on the Lotus Blade he'd never seen nor heard of or from the boy again.

"In the mountains we have very little connection with the outside world, especially when it comes to traitors," Yori had replied, "All the same we received a letter from him a few years ago. He appears to be doing well, as well as he can. He lives as a hermit in Aokigahara."

"The forest of death?" Monkey Fist couldn't believe it.

Yori nodded, and he felt her hair brush against the skin of his torso, "According to his missive he went there to commit seppuku, but he stumbled upon the sight of a body already in the process of decay, and for some reason it brought him peace. He knew he was not the first to dishonor someone and that he likely would not be the last. At the same time, he recognized some of the other bodies were those of people quite young and found himself horrified. He has connected with the forest, and now lives as the guardian, trying to help those who wander into its depths."

After reading the nominees, it was time to reveal the third winner. The audience held its breath.

"The envelope, please?" Jessica asked, instructing Tara to give her the envelope. Tara did so without hesitation.

Jessica opened it and blurted loud the winner

Bonnie Rockwaller from Past and Present Volume 2 by Levi2000a!

Levi was amazed that he won two awards in a row. If it'd be his ceremony, he'd sweep the entire thing.

The audience cheered for him as he went to the stage to accept the award from the ladies as he began his speech.

"I should probably start off by making a small confession." he said as he looked nervously around the room. "I never really liked Bonnie Rockwaller."

Silverware fell out of some people's hands as they were finishing up their desserts. Some other people were picking up their steak knives checking them for sharpness and throwing balance, especially the folks over at the "WE LOVE BONNIE!" tables. Even Sharper was staring daggers at Levi2000a as he was probably trying to will his the author's head to explode.

"Maybe I should explain before people start gathering up their torches and pitchforks before storming my house. From the first time I saw Bonnie in the original cartoon show, I could give a real life name to her. The name of a cheerleader I knew back when I was in high school. Bonnie could have been the role model for this girl complete with the hole 'food chain' idea. While that real person was Bonnie I was her Ron complete with being labeled a loser."

"Anyway, in Zaratan's original story, the Bonnie that came to visit Ron after their drunken liason to inform him that he was the father Did not impress me as being that same Bonnie I didn't like. This Bonnie was a person that had potential to being a nice person. So when I needed a character to try to bring some reason into the chaos the families were in, Bonnie was my girl, after showing some of her history and giving some reasons for her actions."

After noticing Sharper was looking at his watch, Levi2000a said, "In making Bonnie a person I could like, it seems I made her a person others could like as well. So thank you for this award on behalf of myself and the newer her."

"And as always, I wish to thank Cajunbear73 for beta reading, correcting and all around general help in polishing the story."

After finishing up, Levi kissed the Golden Rufus and headed back to his seat.

"Thanks to him writing the Queen in a much more dramatic light..." Sharper said about the longtime author , "...he adds another Golden Rufus to his trophy room to be polished."

He concentrated on the next category at hand.

"We're setting up a new Fannies tradition in which a villain, former or present, will present the award for 'Best Villain'. Our dear friend, Professor Dementor, will present the award along with another good friend of mine. Please welcome them to the stage!"

The audience applauded as Dementor and Tennente came to the stage. Ten was in a green and black tuxedo, for he was going for the colors of his favorite villainess. Dementor was in his usual villain outfit, only that he added a black bowtie around his neck. He also had the Golden Rufus while Tennente held the envelope.

"Zank you, zank you, everyone!" Dementor said in his Germanic accent. "Velcome to tonight's ceremony vhere I, ze esteemed Professor Henrich von Dementor, vill PRESENT ZE AVARD FOR BEST VILLAIN'." He yelled this in the end as it created a lot of feedback in the microphone, covering everyone's ears.

"And where I get to hold this envelope, Demends!"

"Zis year, ve've seen a lot of good villainy from ze best villains from ze fanfiction, ja, Ten?" Dementor replied.

"We really did, especially a few stories that featured the Green Hotness!" Ten agreed.

"Shego really vas an expert in her own style of villiany UNLIKE A CERTAIN BLUE-SKINNED BUMBLING VEAKLING OF A FOOL WHO CALLS HIMSELF A VILLAIN!" Dementor shouted very loudly.

"Hey, I'm not a weakling fool, Dementor!" a familiar blue-skinned doctor called out in the audience.

"You vill learn to keep ze mouth shut, or I vill FEED YOU TO ZE MUTANT GERMAN DASCHUNDS!" Dementor exclaimed. He then regained his composure but almost forgot his place,"Anyveys, vhere vere ve? Ah, ja! Here are ze nominees for ze 'Best Villian' Award'."

He read the nominees on the teleprompter and stopped.

"Vhat? Vhy is my name not on zere? For ze 13th time?! BY ODEN'S BEARD? Is zis some travesty of justice ZAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT?!" Dementor exclaimed. "Someday, a Fraulein Possible vrtier vill recognize MY EVIL GENIUS!"

"Uh, yo! We're on the clock here!" Ten replied, pointing to his watch.

"Fine." Dementor grunted calmly, the enthusiasm of him being mentioned sucked right out of him "Ze four finalists are..."

Monkey Fist from Black Pearl by JeffC FTW

Well, see about that! And with that in mind, Kim yelled furiously and flung the boomerang in his direction, grazing his shoulder which he didn't bother to protect - and to her horror, the crevice of a gash left there began to crack audibly as it closed shut as if it had never been there.

"Now, what did I tell you, you overconfident, obnoxious woman?"

"Obnoxious?" Kim threw her head back and laughed. "Look who's talking when he swooped in on the happiest day of Hana's life, took her away against her will! I'd be an idiot if I said you'd never learn your lessons. All those times Ron and I kicked your ass, you're the same as ever."

His eyes flashed then, turning yellow at once. Charging up - or ready to strike now? "How times have changed. But with Han in my possession now -" Not as long as Ron and Crispin could get to her! "- I'm ultimately going to be unstoppable! And there is one more link to bind us together so we can rule the world!"

Electronique und Adrenna Lynn from Rebounds by from Ze Emperor of Dreams

"True. You'd have a concussion and be in restraints."

Adrena decided to change the subject. "So how does that get you Team Go?"

"Ah, I was getting to that. Since I was there, I decided to have a look around to see if they had anything else interesting. I did find one delightful gadget they called 'Attitudinator'. Clearly this Jack Hench person needs a better marketing department."

"It does attitude adjustments?"

"More or less. Apparently it was originally marketed as a way for villains to achieve their true potential by eliminating unwanted character traits like compassion and fairness. I obviously saw much more interesting potential in the device, and stole it. With some clever work that I'm very much afraid you'd be unable to appreciate, I created my Reverse Polarizer."

Jack Hench from RJ und Martin by Emersonian

"Still not wearing your required uniform, Melgo?" Jack Hench called out to the girl in a disapproving tone. She looked at him indifferently, the same way a rough, yet small puppy looked at a large, mean bulldog as if the latter's large size and meanness didn't affect it. Despite this, she still walked over to them and crossed her arms professionally while talking to the leader of the company. RJ noticed that she also carried a messenger bag like the one Jack Hench gave her, which could only mean one thing. She was also a member of Y.E.A.R.N.

"I already wore it on my first year. Besides, latex doesn't suit me," she said. She had the tone of one of those TV gothic girls who had the habit of throwing sarcastic puns at everything in life. Her blue eye spotted RJ, causing her to arch an eyebrow in surprise. "A new member?" she asked Jack Hench.

"Yes. I have a lot of work to deal with, so if you could lead her through her first week without blasting her..."

"Is this still about the bank in Nevada?" The girl rolled her eyes.

"I think you know." He patted RJ on the shoulder. "Best of luck at Y.E.A.R.N."-

und lastly, Drakken from Kim Potential by Regertz

Consequences, smonsequences…" Kim Potential shrugged, giving Drakken a seductive smile at the end… "Now, come on Drewsie…You know you want her out and me in."

"…To you, I mean." Drakken finished.

"Say what?" Kim Potential stared. "Are you sayin'…I could get hurt if we kill her?"

"I've seen a lot of sci-fi movies where they killed the original and the clones croak…Immediately. But small price to pay for getting Kim Possible, I'd say." Shego grinned.

"Shego…Not helping here." Drakken frowned. "I'm just not sure…I've never worked with human clones before."

"Lets break cloney's arms and see if that makes the real Kim go 'Ow!'" Shego suggested.

"Again?…Do I have to talk to you about this, Shego?" Drakken glared.

Dementor then opened the envelope containing the winner.

"Und ze avard for 'Best Villain' goes to ZE KAISER..." he exclaimed loudly, but got a few nervous glances from Ten and Sharper.

"Sorry about zat...ze Emperor of Dreams for Adrenna Lynn und Electronique from Rebounds."

EOD got out of his seat and walked onto the stage. He shook Ten's hand and accepted the award from Dementor.

He got out his card for his acceptance speech.

"First off, my thanks to the organizers for keeping this tradition going. The villains rarely get to shine in my stories, but I'm glad some people found the duo of Electronique and Adrena Lynn worthy of being named the Best Villain(s). They didn't maybe live up to their full potential as foes, but I did enjoy writing their interactions. Thank you."

And with that, EOD got off the stage, happily caressing his Golden Rufus.

Sharper, returning to the stage, was ready to present the next awards presenter.

"Kudos to Emperor for winning "Best Villain. Our next awards presenters are quite familiar to all you ladies out there in the audience, especially those that grew up in the 90s. Give it up for Nicky Nick and Dexter of the Oh Boyz!"

Nicky Nick and Dexter appeared on the stage, waving their hands in front of a cheering crowd, and fangirl screams elicited from Kim and some of the other women in the audience. Nicky had the envelope and Dexter had the statuette.

"What a crowd here tonight!" Nicky exclaimed.

Dexter replied, "Reminded me of Denver '03!"

"I remember that, Dexter! You were covered in mustard that night!"

"Smelled like hot dogs down there on stage."

Getting back to the audience, Dexter said through the microphone.

"Welcome everyone and we're here to present the Fannie award for Best Songfic, where song meets story. Unfortunately, we haven't gotten many nominees, but, regardless, they are here to keep this category alive."

Nicky added, "And the nominees are:

KP's Winning Performance - kmtidiccion

From the audience, both the Possibles and Stoppables were watching with smiles on their faces. They been joking since they were kids that they are meant to be. But to watch the teen girl on stage, singing her love to the one she holds dear the most made the grown-ups feel something inside. Their children are growing up. The times where they were wee little boys and girls is now over, and the current performance is a testament to that fact. The matriarch of the Stoppable family rubbed her moist eyes as her husband consoled her with a caress. Mrs. Dr. Possible, on the other hand, grabbed the hand of the rocket scientist she loved, and saw him tearing up.

"M-My Kimmie-cub... She's grown up... Anne, I don't know why, but I trust Ronald will do the right for our daughter." Anne beamed from his words. She half-expected for him to blow up and act childishly, but the sudden mature answer made her smile grow wider. It seems like it isn't Ron who is touched by Kim's performance. Watching their prized daughter singing, the neurosurgeon squeezed his hand and hoped for the best for the two teens.

and Unexpected by Whitem

"Just remember Stoppable…" Her voice was now starting to return to its usual temper. "From now on, when you hear me calling you a Loser, I actually mean the opposite."

Ron thought to himself for a couple seconds. "Wait… That would mean I'm a… Winner? What did I… win?"

Again Bonnie looked up at him with her PDP, and whispered just loud enough for him to hear. "My heart."

Dexter tore open the envelope and announced the winner.

"The award for Best Songfic goes to...Unexpected by Whitem!"

As Whitem walked up to the stage applause rang out through the crowd. He waved to the audience with a genuine smile and stepped up to the microphone.

"Hey there everyone. Well, this was…" A sly grin crossed his lips. "Unexpected." A few groans and hisses echoed through the crowd. "Heh… I still got it."

"Anyways… Thanks so much to everyone who voted for this little story. I kind of 'resurrected' this one-shot from a contest a few years go and reposted with a few improvements here and there. I only hope this didn't break any of our rules for the awards this year." He then looked over at the MC with questioning eyes, who shrugged their shoulders a bit and then nodded, indicating none were broken.

"So, Thanks again to everyone who voted for this as Best Song Fic, I really do appreciate it!"

With that, Whitem accepted the Golden Rufus statuette from Dexter and returned to his seat.

Sarah and Sharper then appeared back on while the former Oh Boyz members left.

"Congrats to our next three winners." Sarah exclaimed.

"Sarah, of all the winners so far, which one did you think was the most unexpected?"

"So far, Sharper, it had to be Levi winning Best Minor Character."

Sharper grinned, "What else can I say about the Queen! She can still be present...even though she is still serving a 21-month sentence for tax evasion!"

Some of the audience laughed at this, including Kim.

"We are coming up on another commercial break, but don't go anywhere, y'all!" Sharper insisted. "Next up is Best AU and Best Crossover!"

With that, Van Halen's "Dreams" played as the duo left the stage.