Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: Hey this wasn't THAT long of a wait LOL but here it is. My niece was born on Friday so it's babies all on my mind which was good for this fic LOL I think you guys will enjoy this chapter, especially when Lisbon is the one who takes the wrong turn so to speak hehehe. Enjoy! Only a few more chapters left!
Anonymous Reviews:
Jessica: I laughed when I saw your review because I knew I was posting soon. Yes Jane is realizing that he wants Lisbon, he'll keep getting closer and closer to actually doing something about it soon LOL. I'm glad you liked it so much
Sabrina: Just wait until you read this chapter! LOL more fun and a bit of interest with Josh, jealous Jane is ALWAYS fun
Sheila's Pets: LOL Josh is supposed to be a great guy, you aren't the only one who wants him! LOL you'll get a brief explanation about Alaina's first birthday in the epilogue. I also think I might write a few one shots about Alaina and her parents after this fic is done, I'm reluctant to let them go.
Merylin: You'll get plenty of Alaina in this chapter, I hope that makes up for it LOL Lila will be coming back in chapter 15 and that chapter is going to be HUGE!
Kinzell Brighton: You'll see what makes Lisbon move in with Jane, I think a lot of people will sympathize with her
Maya: In some ways he already is, she never really stopped loving him, she just thinks she did. You can still see the attraction and feelings, it's mostly just her realizing that she needs to risk her heart again and this time Jane won't break it.
Anonymous: LOL Holly has been promised Josh! LOL but he is a great guy. Glad you liked this chapter
Anonymous: Hehehe yes Jane did need a kick in the pants and you'll see he'll keep it up, he knows what he wants now.
Chapter 13: Not Your Secret to Tell
"Did you bring the camera?" Lisbon asked as soon as Jane walked through the door.
He grinned and held up the case that was hooked over his shoulder. "Right here."
"Good," Lisbon said. She was sitting on the couch, checking the battery life of her own video camera. Alaina was on a little blanket on the floor, batting her little pink seahorse against the carpet. She grinned as soon as she saw her father, bringing the tail of the toy to her mouth to chew on it.
"Hey, sweetheart," Jane said, kneeling down so he could lift her up into his arms. She let out happy squeal, "Are you ready for your first taste of real food?"
Alaina gurgled, drooling quite a bit now that she was teething a little. "She better be ready," Lisbon replied dryly, "It would be nice if I didn't have to vacuum my breasts dry at work."
Jane rolled his eyes at that; he rose to his feet with Alaina still in his arms. "Are you set up in the kitchen?"
She nodded. "You can put her in the feeding chair on the table. I just want to get the video camera stationed and then we can figure out what she's going to eat today."
He did just that, setting Alaina down in her little purple seat and making sure she was buckled in securely while Lisbon fiddled with the camera on the counter top, putting a couple of books under it so that it was just the right height.
Once that was done she turned around to look at the scene of their daughter sitting up in her chair, calmly sucking on her hand. "What do you want to feed her?" Lisbon asked, heading over to the cupboard where she'd placed the many tiny baby food jars she'd bought the day before. "I've got sweet potatoes, spinach, rice formula."
"None of that sounds appetizing."
"Well you aren't going to eat it."
Jane stepped up behind her and she found herself trapped by the cupboard and Jane's front. Lately he'd had no qualms with invading her personal space…or maybe she was becoming even more aware of him. At any rate his presence still sent a thrill down her spine. She saw his large skillful hands reach up and selected a small jar of applesauce. "Well, we both know she's going to love fruit."
Lisbon turned around, realizing they were mere inches apart. "You're so certain?"
He grinned making her heart beat wildly again. "Well she is our child."
She couldn't find her voice now, just nodded numbly. Jane took the jar over to the table where Alaina still sat, idly waiting to see what her parents were going to do next. Lisbon walked over and turned on the video camera. "You can use the plastic spoon over there." She took his own camera from him.
"You're going to take pictures?"
"Well if it's me, we have a better shot of them actually being in focus."
He gave her a wicked grin. "And to think, you praised my steady hands."
Lisbon blushed fiercely and smacked his shoulder. "You shouldn't say that on video…or ever."
"You're the one who hit me."
She didn't reply to that comment, just palmed the camera in her hands. "Just start feeding her before I kick you out for being annoying."
Jane chuckled before deftly twisting the top off of the jar, then he became the proud parent once more. "All right, Alaina's first bite of solid food. Let's see how much actually goes into her mouth."
Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Don't forget the bib."
"You forget who you are talking to."
She ignored his little joke and watched as he fastened on Alaina's little yellow bib, the baby immediately tried to chew on it making both of her parents laugh. Jane pulled the bib gently out of her mouth. "Nope, you're not eating this."
He dipped the spoon into the jar and pulled out a small serving before teasing Alaina's lip. The baby turned her head a little, not used to a foreign object being shoved in her face but Jane gently slipped the spoon between her lips. About half of the serving of applesauce dripped down her chin but Alaina instinctively chewed and swallowed before smiling a little.
"She likes it!" Lisbon exclaimed, hurrying to take a series of photos.
"Of course she does," Jane replied calmly, "she takes after both of us."
"Well give her more!"
Jane laughed at her eagerness. "You want her to choke?"
"Stop joking around and feed our child."
He chuckled again before digging the plastic spoon into the jar and pulling out another healthy bite of applesauce. "All right, Alaina, time to open wide again."
"Thanks for not saying, 'here comes the choo choo," Lisbon said as she snapped a few more pictures of Jane and their daughter. Alaina chewed on another bite of applesauce, more of it dribbling down face and onto the bib.
"I've always found that phrase ridiculous," Jane admitted, reaching up to wipe Alaina's face with her bib, "who wants a train careening for their mouth?"
"Or a plane or any other vehicle," Lisbon agreed. She set the camera down and walked over to her little girl, smiling at the image of her messy face and bright eyes. Here she was getting her first bite of solid food; just six months ago she was tiny little infant she'd been holding in the hospital.
"My big girl," Lisbon whispered, leaning down to kiss her head, "Growing up so fast."
Jane nodded. "Cherish the moments…you'll never get them back."
She turned to look at him, expecting to see him be sad, probably thinking about the daughter he'd lost. But there wasn't any melancholy in his gaze, pain would always be there but now she was seeing a Patrick Jane that had found some measure of peace.
The moment was interrupted by her cell phone chirping. She checked it on the counter and saw a text from Josh. A simple, I'm thinking of you that made her smile. Jane noticed. "Still seeing Josh?"
Lisbon put the phone down quickly and tried to hide the slight blush to her cheeks. "We talk," she said lamely.
Jane was studying her though and she got the distinct feeling he wasn't about to end this conversation as much as she wanted to. Lisbon stopped the video camera from recording; she didn't want her daughter's first feeding to also feature Jane's first interrogation about her love life.
"Have you seen him recently?"
"We've been busy," Lisbon admitted, stepping back over to Alaina. "Why are you so curious?"
"Can't I be?" Lisbon rolled her eyes, taking the spoon from Jane so she could try feeding Alaina herself. But Jane wasn't done with his questioning. "Have you kissed him yet?"
"What the hell kind of a question is that?"
Jane smiled. "So you haven't, interesting."
She wasn't sure why Jane found that fact interesting but she just knew it annoyed her. "We're taking things slow, that's all."
Lisbon kind of hoped that would be the end of it but Jane surprised her once again. "I'd like to meet him."
"What?" Lisbon asked, turning to gape at him.
"I think I should meet this Josh."
She stared at him for a moment as if he'd lost his mind. "No…and why?"
"Why?"
"Why do you think you have the right to meet my…to meet Josh?"
Jane seemed intrigued by her slip but chose not to bring it up. "You are the mother of my child."
"So?"
"So do you not agree that I have a right to know the man who may or may not become involved in my daughter's life?"
Damn he had a good point there, a very good point. But that didn't meant Lisbon wanted Jane to meet Josh, partly because Josh still didn't know about Jane. "Okay, you're right. But I'm not sure if Josh is going to be anything important or not, until then there really isn't a point."
Jane raised an eyebrow. "Two weeks in and you still haven't decided?"
Lisbon tried to hide her discomfort. "We've been busy, like I said, we are taking things slow."
He shrugged. "All right then," but he seemed far too smug despite his cool response.
She considered pushing him on his behavior but her desire to stop talking about Josh with Jane won out. "Let's finish feeding Alaina before it all comes out again." He gave her an amused look and she just smiled back. "I thought you'd want to take care of that."
"Your kindness is unfailing," Jane replied dryly.
Lisbon laughed and took up the spoon again, resisting the urge to say 'here comes the choo choo' despite her earlier put down.
This was a time when she loved being a mom.
Lisbon decided that Alaina needed to be introduced to her coworkers properly, without her being sick and her mother actually looking like a member of the human race. So she dressed Alaina up in an adorable little white dress, put a headband with a bow on her mostly bald head and little white socks on her feet…the ones Jane had given her in the hospital. Lisbon chose them because they were cute, she didn't want to attach any sentimentality to them.
She was dressed in some nice early maternity pants she'd gotten, she hated that she still wasn't in her old clothes. Her hair was washed and she even had a little bit of makeup on, from the reflection in the mirror she didn't think people would notice that she was exhausted.
The guards on duty were the first to ooh and aww over Alaina, Ralph was very exuberant in his hello, being the first to make Alaina laugh. It was slow work making her way up to the bullpen; Lisbon was feeling something like the pied piper only instead of attracting rats she was being followed by all of the women in the CBI.
Eventually she did make it up to the bullpen but found it empty save for Grace. The woman caught sight of Alaina and smiled broadly. "Oh look at you!" she gasped and raced over to coo over the baby.
Lisbon grinned and shook her head. "Well, Alaina. Your godmother can't seem to get enough of you."
"No, I can't," Grace agreed picking Alaina up and holding her close. She caught Lisbon's eye. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to let Alaina meet everyone here," Lisbon explained, "and I wanted to drop these off." She held up a small stack of envelopes that Grace recognized. The invitations to Alaina's christening, Grace had helped her pick out the right ones and select a photograph for the favors.
Lisbon walked over to Cho and Rigsby's desks and placed one white envelope on each one. "Where are the guys?"
"Jane and Cho are interviewing a suspect and Rigsby went to go get some lunch."
She nodded, "Well make sure they see these all right?"
"Of course," Grace replied, "the service is in two weeks right?"
Lisbon nodded, "At my church and we can have a small reception afterwards at my place. Just cake really, I'll have to order that." Along with a million other things.
"And your brother is going to be the godfather?"
"Yes, he's going to fly in that weekend, he knows that you are Alaina's godmother so he's looking forward to meeting you."
"I guess he would be," Grace pointed out with a smile, "since we'll be responsible for Alaina's soul together."
Lisbon just shook her head. "That's one way to put it." She smiled at her friend and reached over to take her daughter back. "I'm going to go see Wallace and let her meet Alaina, she's been begging to see her since before she was born."
"Of course, I bet everyone else is too."
Lisbon thought about the hoard of women she'd had to wade through just to get to the bullpen. "You have no idea."
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It took over an hour for Lisbon to make her way back through the building as she kept having to stop and let everyone coo over Alaina. Wallace had been adorable with the baby, holding her close and talking nonsense to her. At least she'd gotten her to step out of the morgue so Alaina wasn't around dead bodies.
The most awkward moment was when Lisbon had run into Bertram. The man had been startled to see the baby to say the least, even more so since they both knew who the father of her child was. He'd been courteous enough to compliment her daughter but he kept giving her a good long look, probably noting the parts of Jane that were obvious. Then he gave Lisbon a disapproving glance, he didn't like it one bit that she'd had a baby with Jane.
Neither did she.
Now she was trying to make it out of the building but she was stopped again for another cooing session. This time it was by some friends that Lisbon was inviting to the christening. Holly, Christina and Eva doted on Alaina like she was the only baby in the world. They kept passing her back and forth and Alaina enjoyed the attention, not fussing even a little bit.
"Oh look at those big eyes," Eva exclaimed.
"And her little nose," Christina cooed, she gave Lisbon a grin. "She looks like you."
Lisbon nodded happily. "Yes she does."
"She has such long fingers," Holly pointed out, "It means she's going to be artistic."
Lisbon let out a small laugh there. "We'll have to see about that, she's only three weeks old."
"As long as her artistic talents don't include conning people," Christina stated, her wry humor was a part of her charm but it did make Lisbon blush. Oh yes, everyone knew who provided half of Alaina's genes. Eva smacked Christina for her comment to which she replied, "What? Everyone already knows."
"Well now I don't—," Lisbon began but she couldn't finish her thought when the man in question came walking up.
Jane caught one look at Alaina and immediately hurried over. Lisbon was trapped, now here they were about to have a very public family reunion. "Hello there," Jane greeted his daughter with a smile and then caught Lisbon's eye. "I didn't know you were coming."
"I wanted Alaina to meet everyone at the office," Lisbon stated woodenly, she was keeping her distance from him as much as she could.
"Hmmm," Jane murmured and smiled at the other women, "I can see she's very popular."
The three women were gaping at him with wide eyes though Christina had something of a smirk on her face. Still they all became brain dead ninnies when around the aura of Patrick Jane. Alaina was squirming a little in Holly's arms, now she was deciding to cry after being cheerful all afternoon.
"May I?" Jane asked and Holly wordlessly handed Alaina over to her father. Jane was quick to start soothing the baby. "It's all right sweetheart, Daddy is here," he said sweetly to his daughter and kissing her head.
Lisbon wondered what kind of show this was, if he was trying to prove he was a better person or if he was just showing off in front of the office. She noticed that their friends were exchanging looks. She knew that word had gotten around that Jane was the father of her child, more than that people were curious about his behavior during the pregnancy.
It was confusing for everyone…but the best gossip in years too.
"She's hungry," Lisbon told Jane and immediately reached over to claim her daughter.
Jane was a bit reluctant to hand over the baby but he didn't have much of a choice at the moment. "You could take her to your office," he suggested.
Lisbon just nodded primly. "We'll be fine." She gave he other three women a tight smile. "I'll see you guys later."
"Bye Alaina!" Eva chimed and the other two women waved too while Lisbon walked away.
She heard Jane's charming, "Ladies," as he bid goodbye too before hurrying to catch up. "Lisbon…hey Lisbon."
She had little choice but to slow down as much as she wanted to just walk away. "Yes, Jane?"
He looked into her eyes while lightly stroking Alaina's hair. "You all right?"
"I'm fine, Jane."
"I just wanted to make sure."
"Things are fine," she told him quickly. "I have to feed Alaina and you have a case you need to get back to."
She turned to leave but Jane caught her arm, stopping her in her tracks. "Can I see her tonight?"
Lisbon wanted to say no, especially after the display just a few minutes before. But she made the mistake of looking at his pleading eyes which reminded her she hadn't let him see Alaina for a couple of days.
"All right, you can come over," Lisbon told him, immediately hating herself.
Jane grinned and leaned down to kiss Alaina. "You hear that? Daddy is going to see you tonight!"
Alaina whimpered a little, she was still hungry. But Jane didn't care, he smiled at Lisbon. "Thank you."
She just nodded and walked away wondering once again if she was making a mistake. She was aware of the eyes that followed her, eyes that had been fixed on her and Jane during this little exchange.
Everyone had questions…but she wasn't going to give them answers.
Jane was in the bullpen enjoying a book while the rest of the team took an early lunch, it was a slow day and they were all trying to find some way to fill the time that didn't include paperwork. Lisbon was trapped in a meeting with Bertram so she wasn't able to enjoy the free time herself, but Jane had his suspicions that she had her own plans if her light mood was any indication.
The vet was a complication that Jane had to admit, he didn't like. Jealousy was an emotion he wasn't used to anymore, he'd vowed to never indulge in that particular feeling again but he was only human. In the end there was little point in disavowing jealousy, now he had to find a way to stop this.
If there was one thing Jane knew was how to manipulate people. He was sure he could get Josh away from Lisbon fairly quickly.
A week. Tops.
He just needed to come up with the right plan, but that meant getting to know Josh enough to figure out how to push him and Lisbon apart. Unfortunately Lisbon was not as keen on letting them meet. It was interesting, something Jane chose to see as positive, if she truly was indifferent towards him then she wouldn't have any problems with him meeting a potential suitor.
That or she was aware of his feelings. But Jane was sure she didn't know that much, Lisbon was still confused in that regard.
He was still mulling over what little he knew when a complete stranger walked into the bullpen. With his Visitor's I.D. and the overwhelmed look on his face, coupled with the slight aroma of wet dog, Jane was certain that this man was the vet.
"I'm sorry," Josh said as he noticed Jane, "I'm looking for Teresa Lisbon."
Yes this was Josh, well he was a little older than Jane had assumed since he was a single father. He shouldn't have been surprised; Lisbon was not one to go after younger men. Jane stood up from his couch with a small-satisfied smile. "She's in a meeting right now with her boss," He shook Josh's hand. "I'm Patrick Jane."
"Josh Avery," he replied, "I was here to meet Teresa for lunch."
"Yes, I've heard about you," Jane said smoothly, "You're the vet who is trying to woo our fair team leader."
Josh looked a bit uncomfortable with that characterization and Jane hid his own amusement. "Uh, I guess that is one way to put it."
It was time to start the interrogation.
"What's your favorite color?" Jane asked calmly.
Now the man looked confused, that generally wasn't the first question that came to mind when meeting someone. "Blue…I guess."
Jane nodded, "Interesting, blue is the color of deliberation and introspection, conservatism and duty. You're patient, persevering, conscientious, sensitive and self-controlled. You don't take risks with a steady personality, you certainly don't condone flamboyant behavior."
"What?"
"It's probably what attracted you to Lisbon. She's a single mother and she needs a steadying figure in her life, you can fill that niche and you certainly can relate with your own personal life." Jane continued calmly.
Josh was gaping at him as if he had a second head. "Who are you exactly?"
"I'm merely making out your character, it's important for me to know exactly who you are."
"Why? What makes you believe you have to…I don't know… protect Teresa?"
"And Alaina," Jane finished.
"Excuse me?"
That was when Jane realized his suspicions were correct. Lisbon hadn't been keeping information solely from Jane but more her new man as well. The reason for that intrigued him. "She didn't tell you?"
Josh looked confused now. "Tell me what?"
Jane couldn't help but smile. "I'm Alaina's father."
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Lisbon was so glad her meeting with Bertram was over. Poker games had long since been a thing of the past since she'd given birth to a baby and if that hadn't gotten rid of any good will on his part, the fact that Jane was the father certainly had. She had a feeling Bertram was never going to get over her little indiscretion but he was probably angrier that she'd never shown any remorse over it. Well her boss could deal with it; she wasn't going to apologize for having a baby.
She made her way back to the bullpen ready to call Josh and see if he would mind a slightly later lunch then planned but the sound of a raised voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Nine years? You've worked with her for nine years?"
"Repeating it doesn't make it less true," Jane said simply.
"How did this happen?"
"You have a son, I'm certain you know the mechanics of reproduction."
Lisbon had heard enough. She raced into the bullpen to see Jane and Josh both standing in the middle of the room. Josh looked angry, something she had never seen on him before and Jane…well Jane was looking pleased with himself. A fact confirmed when Jane saw her. "Ah, here she is, the mother of my child."
She wanted to hit him for saying that; she knew it was probably just to rub it in Josh's face. Josh turned around to look at her; he was bewildered and still mad. "Teresa, what is going on here?"
"Josh," Lisbon said evenly, "I can explain."
"Is he Alaina's father?"
Jane waited patiently with raised eyebrows, probably checking to make sure she didn't lie. That idea didn't cross her mind; she just knew she was in a no-win situation here. "Yes, he is."
Josh shook his head. "I don't believe this."
"How did you think Alaina was conceived then?" Jane wondered, still looking amused.
"Since she never mentioned a father I thought it was a donation or something."
Now Jane started laughing and Lisbon began to rethink her decision not to beat him to death. But there was something more important that she had to deal with before killing the father of her child.
"Josh, let's go to my office and I will explain in private," Lisbon told him, giving Jane a glare on the last word.
Jane shrugged. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger, it's not my fault you didn't tell him the truth."
"Shut up," she hissed, grabbing Josh's arm and half dragging him to her office.
Lisbon shut the door, locking it and then closing the blinds, she took a deep breath before turning around and facing Josh. "Okay, I know you are confused."
"No, I'm not, I can figure things out myself," Josh replied, "You slept with your co-worker and then had a baby."
"Is that why you are upset? Because I made a mistake?"
"Of course not."
"Then what is it?"
Josh gave her a serious look. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say who Alaina's father is or that he's involved in her life?"
Lisbon wasn't sure how to answer that at all. "I…I just didn't know how to explain everything between us. It's just so…complicated."
"Why don't you try?"
She was quite for a very long time as she sorted out how to do this exactly. In the end she knew that she had to start off by explaining Jane.
"I met Jane nine years ago when he came to the CBI wanting to look at the Red John case file. Before that he was a con artist who pretended to be a psychic, he made a mistake on TV and Red John decided to exact revenge by killing his wife and daughter." Lisbon stuck to what the public knew, omitting Jane's stint in a mental hospital. "Jane was very helpful on a case so he was offered a position here and he could work the Red John case…he wanted revenge too."
"So…what?" Josh asked, "After nine years you just randomly slept with him?"
"No, it's more…God I don't even know how to say it." Lisbon said with a shake of her head. "He's completely broken. You understand what it is like to lose someone you love; can you imagine losing your son too? And believing that it was your own fault? Jane is walking disaster area but he's also saddest person I have ever met. Somewhere along the way, in between being a pain in my ass and getting into trouble every week…somehow I started looking out for him. We have the most dysfunctional friendship I know but I have to protect him…I just didn't want to see him in pain."
Josh had been silent, letting her explain but he was rather intuitive himself. "Were you in love with him?"
Lisbon looked away, really hating that question. She thought about lying but she didn't think she would get away with it.
"Yes."
Josh tried not to react to her answer but she could see he didn't like it one bit. Still, he remained calm. "So how long were you in a relationship with him?"
"We weren't," Lisbon told him honestly.
"Then what happened?"
"It was once, one time. It shouldn't have happened and it was really my fault." Lisbon met his eyes sheepishly. "He was drunk, I took him home and…and things just happened. Of course we both realized it was a mistake and decided to never talk about it again."
"But you said you loved him."
"I did," she told him.
"Did he love you?"
"I…I don't know," she admitted. She saw Josh was about to speak, probably to protest that but she cut him off. "Jane isn't one to show his feelings."
"But he slept with you," Josh pointed out.
Lisbon shrugged. "He can separate sex and love, he's done it before." Perhaps she said that too bitterly because Josh looked a little upset.
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
Josh looked at her incredulously. "You say you loved him, you worked with him nine years and you have a child together. Is it a stretch to think you might still have feelings for him?"
"That's impossible."
"Is it?"
"Yes," she told him quickly, "A lot happened between us, I can't be with him again. Not like that."
"How am I supposed to believe that? You just told him that you've been trying to help him for years, that you were in love with him…how do those feelings just suddenly go away?"
There was no getting out of this. Lisbon didn't want to lose Josh; she didn't want to lose this opportunity to finally have the 'perfect dream'. She didn't owe Jane anything, not after this past year.
Lisbon sight heavily. "My mother died when I was twelve."
"What?"
"Let me finish," she told him quickly. "She died when I was twelve and my dad…he didn't take it well. He became an alcoholic…and would become abusive sometimes…a lot actually." She looked up to see that Josh was gaping at her now with a mixture of shock and horror. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me…but so that when I say that no one has ever hurt me as badly as Jane has…you understand how much I mean it."
She took another deep breath before explaining the whole truth.
"Jane and I agreed that we wouldn't talk about the night we slept together ever again, but then I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, I hadn't thought I would ever have kids and certainly not like this. I told Jane about the baby because I thought…I don't know I guess I thought he would help me figure things out.
"Instead he told me to get an abortion," Lisbon explained, her voice slightly detached as memories came rushing back. "I realized that I wanted the baby so I told him no. That was when he told me in no uncertain terms that he would have nothing to do with me or the baby." She paused for a second as she gathered herself again. "After that he ignored me for months. He wouldn't look at me or talk to me, the rest of my team found out and they didn't want to work at him. I tried to fix things but he refused unless I would get rid of the baby. I knew Jane could be hard man but cruelty was not something I expected from him, ever."
Josh was reverent now. "But you still worked with him."
"I didn't have much of a choice. He wouldn't leave and I…I had to stay. At first I was thinking that he would change his mind, that he was just afraid and then…then I just had to stay because I was about to become a single mom, leaving my job was not going to be an option."
"But he's involved now," Josh pointed out.
Lisbon nodded. "I got into a car accident in my last month. Jane donated blood to save Alaina's life. I decided to thank him for that and he happened to be in the room when they brought her in. When he saw her…everything changed. He fell in love with her immediately, becoming a doting father and begging me for forgiveness."
"And you did."
She shook her head. "Not right away, not by any means. It took a very, very long time for me to trust Jane with Alaina. I don't think I could ever trust him with my heart again." She met Josh's eyes. "Don't you see? Things between Jane and me are done. He's just the father of my child, nothing more."
"That's still a big thing," Josh pointed out.
"No more so than a divorced mother."
He considered her explanation for a moment, his eyes slightly suspicious. "Are you sure?" Lisbon hesitated only for a second before nodding her head. "Okay," Josh said, relaxing a bit, "Okay."
"Good," Lisbon replied, just glad that this part was finally over. She decided to push her luck. "Do you want to get some lunch?"
He thought about it for a moment. "It's a little late, I need to get back to the office."
Lisbon sagged a little, certain that Josh really needed some time to think. "Okay," she said sadly. He made to leave but she surprised him but grabbing his hand and pulling him towards her.
This wasn't how she planned their first kiss but it wasn't an unpleasant task by any means. Josh was a good kisser, his lips soft and gentle. It felt nice and comfortable, everything she needed.
When she pulled away she saw that Josh was a little dazed and clearly much happier. "I'll call you tonight," Lisbon told him smugly.
"Yeah," Josh replied, smiling a little now himself.
She watched him go with a bit of relief that they had managed to survive this. It was only when the door was closed and she was alone once again that she began to think about what she'd done.
She'd told someone very personal and intimate details about her life…not just her life but Jane's as well. Did she really have the right to tell Josh about Jane's sins? Lisbon couldn't help but feel guilty for that. Usually Jane was the one who did the wrong thing…this time Lisbon had a feeling that she was the one who'd messed up.
He doesn't deserve this, Lisbon told herself, you shouldn't have said anything.
He was a terrible person to you during your pregnancy.
But I forgave him.
Did you?
There was the big question Lisbon didn't want to answer. She'd told Jane she'd forgiven him and she did trust him with her child. She could let him have Alaina all day and she knew that Jane would never walk away from his child again. There was no doubt in her mind.
But she didn't trust him with herself. It was time to admit that the scars Jane had inflicted weren't just about their child but because he'd broken her heart. She'd loved him deeply, something she had never felt before even with her ex-fiancé. Jane had taken that love and destroyed it in his fear. Her father's fists had never hurt her as much as Jane's cold indifference.
There was the truth. She could forgive Jane for Alaina's sake…but not for hers. She couldn't love him again.
Lisbon couldn't help but remember something her mother told her when she was little. "Love is when you can't hate, no matter how much wrong is done to you."
That was what bothered her because Lisbon knew she'd never hated Jane.
"Davidson didn't do it," Jane declared.
"He doesn't have an alibi," Cho pointed out.
"Who ever killed Sandra has a brutal narcissistic streak, Davidson is too generous," he explained, "We need to look into Sandra's coworkers, corporate stooges can't think of anybody but themselves."
"That still doesn't prove he's innocent."
"You can't prove he's guilty either," Jane replied.
Cho wasn't an idiot; he knew that he had to trust Jane's feelings and intuitions because that was precisely why Jane was here. But he didn't want to give in quite so easily, no need to stoke Jane's already impressive ego.
He turned to Grace. "Van Pelt, run through her co-workers, see if anything interesting comes up."
She was quick to do as her temporary boss requested. Rigsby stood up from his desk probably to get a refill on his coffee. Jane knew when his work was done for the moment, he was ready to go back to his couch and pass the time until he could see Alaina.
But the open invitation on Rigsby's desk caught his eye.
It was the picture of Alaina on it that made him stop to look. She was curled up asleep on a little white blanket, looking like a perfect angel. It took a few seconds for Jane to stop admiring his daughter and read the script underneath
Teresa invites you the christening of her daughter
Alaina Grace Lisbon
Sunday, August 15, 2012 11:00AM
St. Michael's Church and reception afterwards
Please RSVP at your earliest convenience
Jane picked it up and stared at the paper in front of him. "What is this?" he asked aloud even though he already knew the answer.
Cho glanced up at him and saw the invitation in his hand. "Can't you read?"
Okay, he deserved that comment. Jane turned his attention to the only member of the team that was actually willingly speaking to him. "When did you get this?"
He shrugged. "It was on my desk when we got back from interrogation, she must have dropped them off."
Jane turned to look at Grace who was suddenly very interested in her job, he walked over to her. "Grace, you're her godmother, you knew about this."
She flicked her eyes up to his, still smoldering with anger and indifference. "Yes, I helped pick the invitations."
Jane knew she enjoyed rubbing in his face how much more welcome she was in Alaina's life, more so then Alaina's own father. "Do you know why she didn't tell me?"
"Why would she?"
"I'm Alaina's father, I'd like to know about these things."
Grace rolled her eyes. "You don't believe in God, why would you care if she gets baptized or not?"
Well he supposed that excuse was better than the usual, 'you ignored your child for nine months' explanation. "She's my child, I want to know about these things."
"So you can stop it?"
"No."
"Then what?"
Jane didn't say anything; he wasn't sure how he could explain something personal to someone who was glaring at him with such vitriol. After a moment, Grace turned back to her computer in a huff, probably thinking she'd won this battle.
He made his way back to his couch to sit down, still smarting from being left out of yet another event in Alaina's life.
But this time there was something he could do.
Jane knew Lisbon was still angry with him for interrogating her suitor, he didn't want to call him her boyfriend, not when he was certain that this relationship wasn't going to last. He was fine with her being miffed at him, especially now that she couldn't use Alaina in her petty vengeance, she couldn't keep him from their child unless she wanted to break the law. No, she just resorted to her old techniques of trying to ignore him, which never worked in the first place.
It was Saturday but not his Saturday with Alaina so Jane had to find new methods of distracting himself. There was nothing preventing him from going to Lisbon's and seeing his child, usually that is exactly what he would do except he knew that Lisbon deserved a little along time with Alaina herself. Besides, she was still mad at him.
Josh was little more than a nuisance at the moment but Jane couldn't tamper the thought that this threat was more severe then he originally assumed. It didn't help learning more information on the man, especially after Grace told Cho and Rigsby about Lisbon's beau. It was unsettling because the more he heard the more he felt slightly inadequate. Josh had stood by his wife during her pregnancy, even when he disagreed with her choice. He was also a widower that was more than willing to move on, he was at peace.
In other words, the complete opposite of Jane.
But Jane wasn't going to let this go, he always got what he wanted in the end and he wanted…he wanted Lisbon to be single. He knew that much. Everything else…well what he wanted and what he should have were two entirely different things.
His phone rang, interrupting his musings and he picked it up to see Lisbon's number, he grinned and answered. "Yes?"
"Jane, I need you."
"Oh really?" He said, deliberately making his voice teasing, he hoped it sparked her imagination.
"I need you to come over and get Alaina."
Now Jane noticed that Lisbon didn't sound amused at all, in fact she sounded like she was at her whit's end. Normally that might be indicative of something he did but she wouldn't reward that by letting him see Alaina when it wasn't his scheduled day.
"Is everything all right?"
"Can you just come over?"
"Of course," Jane told her.
"Good," Lisbon said and then she hung up on him.
He stared at his phone with raised eyebrows for a few seconds before quickly grabbing his car keys to see what was going on.
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Less than twenty minutes later Jane was unlocking Lisbon's front door and letting himself in. He didn't hear a screaming baby so he could assume that the problem wasn't Alaina. As soon as he walked in he smelled a strange dampness in the air and then when he stepped onto the carpet he heard a wet 'squish'. He looked down and saw water seeping everywhere he stepped.
Ah, so that was the problem.
Lisbon came rushing from the kitchen, Alaina was on her hip and the phone pressed to her hear. Jane looked up at her with raised eyebrows. "What seems to be your problem?"
She wasn't amused by his humor. "Can you believe this? I woke up to an inch of water down here!"
He followed her to the kitchen, which was covered in bath towels but was at least dryer then the living room, some water was already seeping into his socks. "Not what you want to wake up to in the morning."
Lisbon was about to reply but obviously someone on the other end of the line came on. "Yes, hello?" Lisbon handed Jane the baby while she focused on the call. "Yes I'm calling about my renters insurance…my apartment flooded and I…no don't put me on hold again!"
She let out a frustrated groan and turned her attention back to Jane. Alaina was calm, babbling to herself and batting at her father's lips. "I'm going to kill someone," Lisbon declared.
Jane laughed lightly. "I believe you." He looked around at the musty apartment and shook his head. "Do you know what happened?"
"The building manager has been a little remiss on things lately," Lisbon declared, "Apparently checking the pipes has been a part of the cutbacks and now one of them burst. At least that's what I think happened, funny enough I can't seem to get a hold of him either."
He let out a low whistle which Alaina found amusing. "This is bad."
"Thank you for stating the obvious."
Jane just smiled at her sarcasm. "What can I do?"
"Take Alaina, go to the park or the zoo or your nice dry apartment because I can't put her down on wet floors and I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do."
"I can certainly handle that," Jane replied. He busied himself finding Alaina's diaper bag and getting a few of her toys that were safe and dry while he heard Lisbon arguing with her insurance company.
Alaina was oblivious to what was going on, she cooed at her father and waved her hands, grinning every time he met her eyes. She loved him, there was no denying that fact and every time she smiled he wanted to pick her up and never let her go.
Jane stopped by the kitchen where Lisbon was hanging up her phone and slapping it onto the counter. "Did you finally get through?"
"The manager is still MIA but at least my insurance finally said they would be sending someone out to take a look. But all they are going to do is appraise it, I have to get my manager's insurance company to look into it since he was negligent." Lisbon explained. She was ready to start spitting nails. "So this is going to take a while. Of course the water is shut off so I have no water here and my carpets are soaked with dirty water, if I don't get it up they'll start to mold. Not that it matters since I'm going to have to get this place re-carpeted anyways."
"I'm honestly trying to find a way to make you feel better…but I'm coming up empty," Jane admitted.
That did make Lisbon crack a smile. "Just have some fun with Alaina while I figure this out." He made to leave but she stopped him. "Actually, do you have the number of the motel you stayed at?"
"Why do you want that?" Jane asked, genuinely confused by this little twist.
"Well this is probably going to take a few weeks and I'll need a place to stay. You lived there for years so it has to be cheap."
"Cheap? Yes but not some place I want you or Alaina staying at," Jane told her firmly.
"It's not in that bad of a part of town."
"I don't care," Jane stated, "you need to be somewhere safer, especially with a baby."
"Well the Four Seasons is a little out of my price range."
Jane didn't take any amusement in her comment, not this time. This was a serious matter and he wanted his daughter and her mother to be cared for by the best. He could foot the bill himself…or there was a better solution.
"You can stay with me."
Lisbon looked up and stared at him. "What?"
"My apartment. It's clean, dry and you wouldn't have to pay to stay there."
She shook her head. "I can't stay with you, Jane."
"Why not?"
She looked a little embarrassed. "Because it wouldn't be professional."
He couldn't help but smile at that ridiculous excuse. "No, you are right. We should be concerned about appearing professional, you know after having a baby together."
Lisbon blushed now at his comment but she knew he was right. It was silly to worry about what the others at the CBI would think; at this point no one would bat an eye. But that didn't mean she was going to concede. "Jane, I don't know…"
"Even you have to see the practicality of this," Jane pointed out, "You won't have to pay obscene amounts of money, you won't be far from work and my apartment has a nursery all set up for Alaina. Can you tell me any hotel that would offer you that?"
He saw that her mind was working out the possibilities and he was sure it was the last point of the nursery that did it. She sighed and nodded her head. "You're right, this is the best solution. But it is only temporary."
"I know," Jane told her with a smile.
"And we're not sharing the bed."
That thought actually hadn't crossed his mind but he sure as hell was thinking about it now. From the way her cheeks her pink…so was she. "I'll surrender the bed to the homeless," Jane conceded, "My couch is comfortable enough to sleep on." He'd actually tested that a few times.
Lisbon relaxed a little but he could still see color to her cheeks. "Okay, this'll work then."
Jane nodded. "I'll get Alaina out of your hair but we can move stuff over to my apartment this afternoon."
"All right, I'll see you in a few hours."
He waved goodbye and hauled Alaina out of the apartment, grinning the whole time. "Guess who's going to stay with Daddy for a few weeks?" Jane said and Alaina let out a little squeal as if excited too.
Lisbon might want to kill her apartment manager but he'd like to shake that man's hand.
Jane came over after work like she said he could. Lisbon was still finding this whole arrangement unsettling, never sure if she wanted to see him outside of her door or not. It was strange waiting for the other shoe to drop, certain that one day Jane would disappoint her again. She didn't want to keep her hopes up so she expected the worst.
She opened the door to let him inside, Alaina was in her arms and Jane smiled as soon as he saw her. For once Alaina wasn't half asleep which meant he got to see her beautiful face lit up with a smile.
"Hello, sweetheart," Jane greeted her, taking her into his arms and breathing in her special scent. "I'm so glad I get to see you tonight."
Lisbon didn't say anything but made her way into the living room so she could ignore him. Jane was content to be reunited with his daughter for a moment, studying every line and curve of her features and keeping her close to him. It was something Lisbon hated to admit, but it was a beautiful sight.
"Thank you for letting me see her tonight," Jane said softly.
She looked up from her seat on the couch and just shrugged. "Okay."
Jane frowned at that response. "Something wrong?"
"I'm fine."
He just nodded but he didn't look happy either. "Fine…why didn't you tell me?"
Lisbon narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Tell you about what?"
Jane moved closer and sat down on the other side of the sofa, still holding Alaina in his arms. "You know what."
It only took a second for her to figure it out. "You know about Alaina's christening?" She shouldn't be so surprised, she'd put the invitations in plain sight and Jane never missed anything.
"Don't act so surprised."
"Why does it matter?"
"Because I am her father," Jane stated firmly, "I deserve to be there."
The word 'deserve' was what sent her blood racing. "First of all, you have no right to tell me what you do and do not deserve. And second, why do you even want to be there? You don't believe in it."
"No," Jane agreed, "I don't. But I still want to be there."
"Why?"
He shrugged a little. "It's important to you, it's a milestone in her life and as her father I believe I should be there. That is how it is done right? Both the mother and the father stand up there at the alter and let the priest do his job?"
"No, it means we make a sacrament to God that Alaina will be raised as a Christian and that we and her godparents will renounce Satan from claiming her soul."
"Yes, that is what I said."
She glared at him. "This isn't a joke, Jane. I believe in God and this is important to me, I don't want this to be another one of your put downs about faith, not with our daughter's soul at stake."
"You don't think I know that?"
"You've never shown any indication otherwise."
Jane sighed and looked down at the beautiful baby in his arms. She was waving her little arms, her eyes focused on the lamp beside the couch. "I know I've been very vocal about my own beliefs but I've never thought less of you because of yours…if anything I admire you for it."
She stared at him for a long time. "Is this a game?"
"Of course not."
Lisbon shook her head. "I don't know, why would you want to stand up and dedicate Alaina to a God you don't believe in?"
"Because I want to show that I'm serious, I want to stand up in front of our friends and your family and let them see that I'm not ashamed of my child…and I want to support you and your beliefs. They are what made you who you are and I would like it if Alaina took after her mother." Lisbon frowned, trying to hide how much his words were affecting her and then Jane smiled. "Besides, if by some chance I am wrong then it will be good to know that Alaina's immortal soul is safe from the fire and brimstone."
She gave him an annoyed look for the quip at the end. "You have to take this seriously, Jane. I will not be embarrassed in front of my priest or God."
"I'll be as serious as you are…provided that you allow me to be there."
Lisbon grimaced. "If I said no you'll just show up anyways."
"Probably."
She groaned and shook her head. "All right, you can come. Father Dunway will want to meet you before the ceremony, try to keep your mouth shut."
"I won't embarrass you." Lisbon grunted in reply, knowing that Jane could easily embarrass her but Jane didn't seem to care. He was holding Alaina up and looking into her eyes with a big grin on his face. Alaina let out a little laugh and ran her fingertips over his cheek and nose. At that angle it was startling to see the resemblance between them, the same high cheekbones and big beautiful eyes.
"My brother, James is going to be her godfather," Lisbon told him.
Jane was still focused on his daughter. "I thought as much."
"He's coming for the ceremony."
"As he should."
Lisbon didn't think Jane was getting this. "He hates you."
"Of course he does."
"Jane, he really hates you."
But Jane just shrugged. "Then it will be one interesting family meeting."
She raised an eyebrow, not sure at all what he meant by that. Jane might be the father of her child but that didn't make him family.
Not yet.
It was a hectic and stressful day for Lisbon but Jane was surprisingly happy the whole day, even while helping her to pack up some clothes, toiletries and all of Alaina's essentials. It took a few trips and Alaina was asleep in the car most of the time but she did manage to get everything that was necessary into Jane's apartment, even if it meant hijacking Jane's closet.
Eventually she found herself sitting in Jane's living room with a glass of red wine and Alaina playing on the floor in front of her. "I know I'm still pumping but I don't care, I needed this," Lisbon said, toasting Jane with her glass.
Jane laughed lightly, putting away the remains of their dinner. "One glass won't hurt your milk and you still have enough in the fridge."
Lisbon took a sip of her wine, savoring the taste of it on her tongue. "Sometimes I can't remember that my life didn't revolve around feeding schedules."
He grinned and took a seat next to her on the sofa. "Your past seems so empty now doesn't it?"
She nodded. "A baby changes everything, that's what everyone says. I believed them…but I didn't really understand until now."
Jane reached for her glass and took a sip of her wine, nodding at the taste. "Rest assured, the feeling doesn't change the second time around."
That made Lisbon pause; it was always startling when Jane brought up the fact that Alaina was his second child. But this was said matter-of-factly, like a man at peace. "But you knew what to expect."
"Honestly…no. Yes I knew how to care for an infant, I didn't forget those things but I was more…overwhelmed this time around," Jane explained.
She settled into the couch. "Because you didn't expect to love her."
He nodded, smiling softly. "I didn't expect to ever have her either." Jane's expression grew thoughtful and he looked into Lisbon's eyes. "It was like living in room filled with darkness with just one pinprick of light. I was fine in that darkness, I knew it, I knew what to expect. Then suddenly I was forced to follow that light and then…then there was freedom. Once I was out of the darkness…there's no going back."
Lisbon tilted her head to look at him. "That's not a bad thing."
"No," Jane agreed, "It's a very good thing."
"You know you could have had this years ago."
"With you?"
Lisbon blushed and looked away. "All you had to do was move on, but you wouldn't allow yourself."
"Because I didn't deserve this, I still don't," Jane said and that statement startled her a little. "But I'm not going to turn away what I've been given. I might be a fool but I'm not a complete idiot."
"I'm not so sure about that."
Jane grinned at her remark, they both enjoyed the little game they played and the warm glow of the wine was making her a little bolder than usual. He reached down and picked up their daughter to set her down in his lap. Alaina let out a little cry and continued to fuss a bit. Lisbon sighed. "It's about time to put her down for bed."
He nodded and they both got to their feet to prepare their daughter for bed. Lisbon prepared her bottle while Jane changed her and put her in a warm set of pajamas. Once she was full and warm Lisbon hung back by the door while Jane sang their daughter to sleep again. It took a few minutes before Alaina was breathing deeply in her crib and they both crept out of the room.
"You think she'll be able to sleep in there?" Lisbon wondered as they sat down on the couch again.
"She'll be fine, she's napped in there before so it's not completely unfamiliar," Jane explained, "but if she wakes up, she wakes up. I'll put her back to sleep."
Lisbon liked that idea, not having to get up in the middle of the night to comfort a fussy baby. She leaned back against the couch and sighed, draining the last of her wine. "This is nice, especially after a really crappy day."
Jane smiled, happy to be of some help but his eyes sparkled with mischief. "Have you told Josh?"
Lisbon stiffened at the mention of Josh. "I haven't spoken to him today."
"Really?"
"Believe it or not, we are not teenagers who have to constantly talk on the phone until midnight," she replied dryly.
"You don't think he should know that you've changed your address."
"I'll tell him when it comes up," Lisbon said simply.
Jane raised an eyebrow. "You seem to keep waiting for things to 'come up'."
"What do you mean?"
He shrugged. "You didn't tell him about me, I was the one who did that."
Lisbon looked away; a bit embarrassed that Jane had caught her like that. "I wasn't sure how to explain you to Josh."
"The father of my child is my coworker would have done the trick."
"Are you mad about this or something?"
"No," Jane answered honestly, "I just find it interesting."
She narrowed her eyes, trying to read him but coming up empty. Jane didn't seem angry with her or upset, actually it reminded her of when he was trying to guess a suspect's motivations. Why he was so curious, she couldn't explain. "I'll probably tell Josh tomorrow."
"Whatever you want."
Lisbon stared at the blank TV screen wondering why the subject of Josh was so interesting Jane and why she hated talking about it. Jane had used the excuse that since Alaina was his daughter he should know about the men in her life but Lisbon didn't buy it…well not much. She actually hadn't thought about the idea that both of them had a right to know who was in each other's lives.
They had always just been coworker and then friends. She'd never had to tell Jane about her dates or anything like that, she'd never had to think about him dating because…well Jane never dated. Would she want to know about the women in his life? Lisbon couldn't imagine Jane ever seeing another woman, he was too broken.
But was he anymore?
Jane was at peace, yes he was still sad but there wasn't nearly as much pain anymore. She could see that clearly. He'd been attracted to Erica Flynn, slept with Lorelei and God knew what he'd done with Lila.
Then there was her.
He'd slept with her, said he loved her (and then took it back). It was all so confusing and even now she never could believe that he was opening up to her completely. Jane always kept his old life separate from his new one; there was so much about the father of her child that she didn't know.
"Jane," Lisbon began carefully. "What are you going to tell Alaina?"
"Tell her what?"
Lisbon looked down at the hands in her lap. "What are you going to tell her about your wife and daughter?"
Jane looked a bit startled by that question and of course a little sad. He was quiet for a minute before meeting her eyes. "I'll tell her the truth."
"Really?"
"You thought I'd lie?"
"No, I just…" Lisbon shook her head. "I never know what to think about all of this. I never want to bring it up but I want to know where we fit in…with you."
Jane was silent as he took in her words. She wasn't even sure if what she'd said made any sense but he was nodding his head gently. "I will always love them," Jane told her.
"I know, I'm not saying you shouldn't."
"I know that," Jane explained, "but I will always love them, I'll always miss them and I'll always have some pain, there's no getting over that." But he looked into her eyes and she saw a gentle tenderness there. "But this is my family now. You and Alaina, you are my now and because of that you two have to come first."
"Me…and Alaina," Lisbon said softly, she was a little surprised that Jane put her in the same context as family…and wondered what that meant.
"Of course, you're her mother, like it or not you and I are family now."
"God help me," Lisbon muttered and rolled her eyes. "Nine years ago if I'd been told I'd be family with you, I'd have laughed out loud. You?"
Jane smiled. "I wouldn't have believed it…but I would have wanted to."
She was startled by that, she'd assumed that Jane's feelings were the same. But he implied that this was something he might have wanted from the beginning.
Then why hadn't he wanted it six months ago?
Lisbon shook her head, dismissing those thoughts. "Okay, it's late, I'm exhausted from this terrible day. I'm just going to go to bed."
"To my bed."
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up."
Jane grinned now. "You do recall what happened the last time you were in my bed."
Now she blushed, her whole body humming with heat. "That's not funny, Jane."
"No," Jane agreed, his voice low and sexy. "It's not."
She stared at him, feeling a shiver run down her spine. But he stepped towards her and Lisbon held her breath. What was he going to do?
He kissed her cheek softly, perhaps lingering one second too long. "Good night, Lisbon."
She stepped back, slightly dazed. "Good night, Jane."
Lisbon made her way to Jane's bedroom with her heart pounding her chest and her head spinning. She was going to get ready for bed and try to get some sleep and not think about what happened the last time she'd fallen asleep in Jane's bed.
It was day one with living with Jane…and Lisbon didn't know what might happen next.
A/N: LOL Jane, Lisbon and Alaina under one roof, so close and yet so far LOL. But do you think Lisbon had the right to tell Josh all about Jane's sins? Hmmmm food for thought.
Next chapter: In the flashbacks you'll see Lisbon preparing for Alaina's christening and having to tell her brother that Jane is in Alaina's life. Meanwhile in the present, Jane and Lisbon are finding that living together is a bit more intimate then they first thought and Jane finds out that Josh knows about his behavior during Lisbon's pregnancy. You'll have to read to see his reaction hehehe