Please see first chapter for disclaimer, rating, warnings, pairings, etc.

Part 13/22

-Chapter 12-

Silent Dreams

"You want some company?"

Teyla turned her head from where she faced the ocean to offer Ronon a thin smile. "I probably will not be very talkative."

Ronon withdrew from the shadow of Atlantis's doorway and out onto the balcony. The golden lights of the city cast a glow around him that seemed to come from within his body. "That's okay. I'm not much good at talking myself. I don't mind quiet." He leaned against the balcony railing next to her and stared off in the direction she had been only a moment earlier.

Teyla swallowed a little. Ronon had a way of invading her personal space without seeming to realize he was doing so. Normally she was comforted by the motion – she hardly noticed it, usually. It was something he did, and it had never bothered her before. It was normal. But now. . .

Now, absurdly, she was hyper-aware of him. His nearness added an edge of pain to the normal soothing comfort. So many wrong decisions she'd made. . .

Ronon finally tapped a finger against the railing and turned his head to look at her. "Sheppard told me you want to mount a rescue mission for the Athosians," he said softly. "I just – wanted you to know that I'm in, if you want me there."

Teyla turned her head to smile at him softly. Even with all the wrong choices she'd made, somehow Ronon was still her friend. It made her – happy. "Thank you, Ronon. There is no one I want on the team more." She reached out and briefly touched his arm in thanks.

He half-smiled and nodded. "Sheppard also said you want to be on the team."

She went rigid immediately. "If you are here to talk me out of it—"

Ronon held up his hands and shook his head. "No, no. That's what Sheppard's planning to do later. I'm here to give you my support. I understand why you want to go. Maybe it's not the best idea – but I understand."

Teyla looked away from his steady gaze and briefly wished Ronon did not know her as well as he did. "I have made a lot of wrong choices lately," she said. "I need to do this. To make things right to the best of my abilities."

"Hey." Ronon reached out to snag her chin. He gently turned her face so he could duck his head and look her in the eyes. "C'mon, Teyla, look at me."

Reluctantly, she raised her eyes to meet his.

"Thank you." He withdrew his hand, but his shoulder still brushed hers. "Look, I'm not – really good – with words and emotions and things like that. You know that about me, maybe better than anyone else. But – if you really think you've done something wrong – what will rescuing your people do to fix it? It's not your fault they were taken."

Teyla forced herself not to look away from those intense eyes again. "I have – been untrue to Kanaan. It is not that I have been with another man since I agreed that Kanaan and I should pursue a relationship. It is not that at all. But – what I have done is almost as bad. I went into the relationship knowing I had – certain feelings – for someone else." She wished she could speak unfalteringly; still knew Ronon would not judge her for her uncertainty. It made everything about her confession so much worse. "I knew there was little chance I could have a relationship with – him. So I accepted Kanaan's offer of his love." She shook her head. "Now I carry his child. And I know I can never return to Kanaan – stay with him – because I have acknowledged the fact that I have done wrong. Even if he does accept me – and my feelings for someone else – I could not look at him every day and know I am settling for him when deep inside I am wanting another all the time." At last, she permitted herself to look away.

When Ronon was silent for a while, Teyla chanced a look at him from the corner of her eye. He had returned his gaze to the horizon, hands clenched into fists atop the railing. A muscle in his jaw twitched every few seconds, as if he forced himself to keep silent.

"Ronon?" Hesitantly she brushed his arm with her fingers.

Ronon shuddered, then turned his head to look at her again. "Sorry." He shook his head. "I don't quite know what to say – but. . ." He trailed off and rubbed his hand down his face. "Ancestors. Uh—" He sighed again before reaching out and enclosing her in a gentle, warm hug. "I'm here for you, Teyla. I honestly don't know what to say, but. . ." He trailed off and shook his head into her hair. "Do you know what I mean?"

Teyla hesitantly wrapped her arms around Ronon's lean waist and leaned her head against his chest. She felt like her heart was about to break – being in Ronon's arms felt so good, but it was so wrong. He meant the hug as a gesture of comfort and friendship, but Teyla selfishly wanted more. He was in a relationship with Tayara, who had given up her entire planet: her family, her friends, her job, to be with him. And Teyla was with Kanaan, whom she was going to rescue. Everything stood against them – but still, Teyla wanted Ronon to call her his more than she'd ever wanted anything or anyone before. "Yes. Thank you." Her voice was muffled, so she hoped he didn't hear how shaky it was. Because under no circumstances could he know how she felt about him.

She closed her eyes and tried hard not to cry.

-Atlantis-

Ronon left Teyla on the balcony as requested and headed off to his quarters. She wanted more time alone to think – and Ronon just needed to get away.

Ronon gritted his teeth and forced himself to take a normal pace back toward his room. He thought he'd dealt with his feelings for Teyla: after all, he had Tayara now, and Teyla carried another man's baby. But when she'd talked about how she had feelings for someone other than Kanaan – that had nearly been his undoing. It took all his thin self-control to keep from asking if the "other man" was him. And when he pulled her into his arms to hug her, and tried so hard to make it seem platonic when to him it was so much more, made it so much worse. All he wanted to do was lean his head down and kiss her, but he had to exercise his rarely-used restraint. And when he let her go – that was hardest of all.

He hadn't realized how fast he was going until he sharply turned the corner and plowed right into Sheppard.

The Terran colonel stumbled back two steps before he managed to recapture his balance. "Whoa, Ronon!" John kept one hand braced against the wall. "Where's the fire, buddy?"

Ronon took two deep breaths. I will not lash out or spill the whole thing. . . I will not lash out or spill the whole thing. . . "Sorry. I just wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"I guessed that." Sheppard straightened his jacket and cocked his head to the side. "Teyla?"

"I was just with her. She's – doing okay, I guess. I think she's still trying to grasp the fact that there's a very good chance she'll see her people again. And. . ." He stopped and bit the inside of his lip, unsure of how much Sheppard knew past the fact that Teyla was pregnant.

"'And. . .'?" Sheppard prompted.

"And her baby's father," Ronon settled. He then crossed his arms and pulled the expression that made it clear that he would say no more on the subject.

"Okay. So you've talked to her?"

"Yeah. She's going."

"And you're backing her up on this?"

"Yes. I am."

"Okay then." Sheppard nervously ruffled his hair with his hand. "I guess that's that. I was going to try to talk her out of it—"

"They're her people. They've been missing for a long time, and she deserves this chance to go get them."

"True. I just don't know if that's wise – for a woman in her condition."

"I already mentioned that. She's got – issues about it. She needs to sort this out in her own time, in her own way."

"I just don't want her making a mistake she'll regret later," Sheppard said.

A little late for that one, Ronon thought sourly, but did not give it voice. "She's thought it over long and hard. She knows what she's doing." And he'd stick to that assessment.

"Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep." Ronon moved around the colonel and continued down the hall, this time very careful to moderate his pace. He didn't need to run anyone else over tonight.

Maybe a good night's sleep would help him sort out his thoughts – and emotions.

And, maybe he'd wake up in the morning and the last six months would never have happened.

But he could dream.

Dream he did the whole night: of dark, cloying masses that held him back as Teyla was dragged away from him by faceless enemies.

And, between them, Tayara stood and smiled sweetly, a small baby cradled in her arms.

-To Be Continued-

Bellkie: Wow, thank you! I'm very happy I could make your day better. And I admit, I am trying to make it a little hard to hate Tayara – she isn't all bad. LOL I'm very glad you liked the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one! Thanks for the review!

Dia: You're funny. I'm really glad you like this fic, and you're right – B&B forever! -wink- Really glad you love my fic, thanks for your review, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! -hugs-

TubaPrincess: To be totally honest, I am trying to make it hard to hate Tayara, LOL. (Even though I must confess that I don't care much for my own character, with the whole eye-on-Ronon thing and all LOL.) In my mind, Tayara dropped the cup because she'd just put two and two together in her mind and realized that Kanaan is Teyla's baby's father, and she felt even more awkward about telling Teyla what had been going on because of that. LOL Thank you so much for the compliment! It made me very happy. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you so much for your review!

SpaceMonkey0941: Yay! Thank you! In truth, I did write this chapter the way I did not just because I wanted to reveal that the Athosians were alive and Tayara knew about it, but because I wanted to show that Tayara isn't all bad (even with that whole she-has-her-eyes-on-Ronon thing – even though that does kind of make me dislike my own character, LOL). I promise all will become clear very soon! -hugs- Thank you so much for your review, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Bunnylass: I was hoping no one would see that coming. LOL Well, Tayara didn't so much want to go talk to Teyla, because that news was not easy for her to deliver. At first I even considered Ronon being there, but I decided it'd be best for it to be just Teyla and Tayara. I'm really glad you enjoyed the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one! Thank you for the review!

AthosionWarrior: Yes! I couldn't in good mind kill off the Athosians – I like them way too much to do that. I'm really glad you're enjoying my fic, and I hope you like this update! Thank you so much for your review!

TeylaFan: Good! I'm glad you like her a little better, because she's not all bad – just in matters regarding Ronon, LOL. Thank you! I'm really glad the talk between Teyla and Tayara turned out well. I wanted to be awkward, but not "OMG I hate you and will never change my mind about it" awkward. And yeah, the whole Ronon/Tayara thing is a little. . .sad. LOL Thank you! The excitement really picks up next chapter! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter – and thank you for the review! -hugs-