Author's Note posted below.

Part 1

Chapter 13

Beautiful

"I don't deserve you because I always hurt you then you say the perfect thing: 'You're beautiful, so beautiful to me'." ~ Plumb, Beautiful

The reception is swinging and everybody seems to be having fun. Here I am constantly ignored by Christian. He is chatting with some fancy looking people while I stand in silence listening to Kate talk about how it feels to tie the knot.

My eyes dart toward Christian from across the room and I can sense that he is mad at me. He's glaring at me. Of course I know why. I am not dumb enough to acknowledge my own stupidity.

We are still in the middle. I guess it is better off that way. I don't want to expect anything from anyone anymore. I end up getting hurt. This is how it must be, right? In order to protect yourself, you must do the hurting first.

Taking another sip of wine, I feel a bothering ache. There is pain inside of me knowing that I've hurt him. This guilt battles with my guard. I don't know but each time I look at him, there is a silent 'I'm Sorry'.

I just don't understand myself.

Focusing on Kate's talk with the ladies, she's talking about babies now. She even considers giving up law school for a while just to raise a baby. I bite my tongue from making comments about their inevitable divorce. Who is she kidding? How can Elliott stay in love with her? How can a man stay in love with a woman forever? That is so impossible.

Mia, on the other hand, dances with Ethan and he looks very uncomfortable. Mia's swaying her hips too sexily that she looks like a hooker. Well, her seduction isn't going too well. How can her parents tolerate this?

That makes me cringe. Thinking about Grace and Carrick makes me squirm. Christian's face looked so different when I introduced myself as his friend.

"Excuse us," I don't even have the time to say anything to the girls. Christian says that while grabbing me by the elbow and practically dragging me outside of the ballroom. We're in a hotel for the reception. A very grand hotel.

There is force in the way he grabs me by my skin.

"Christian, where are we going? Christian, what are you doing?"

He refuses to answer me and drags me inside the elevator. He presses the 23rd floor and once the door closes, he presses me to the wall and slams his lips on mine. His lips meet mine feverishly and it makes my breathing erratic. I open my mouth and our tongues dance together. His hands are all over my body—from my cheeks down to the side of my neck to the side of my breasts and on my waist.

My fingers, on the other hand, are pulling his hair rather too forcefully. We both moan in pleasure while he grunts because of the mixed pain.

The elevator door opens and we pull away from each other. His hands are back on grabbing elbows as he leads me to a room. Swiping the card, he gets me inside and slams the door shut. He does the same thing back in the elevator—kissing me fiercely and touching me everywhere . . . only this time he unzips my pastel dress and rips my underwear off.

In between our solid kisses, he asks, "Is this what your friend does to you?"

I almost answer but I moan because of the pleasure he gives while kneading my breasts.

"Answer me, Ana," there is darkness in his voice that scares me and turns me on at the same time.

I don't know what to say so I just kiss him hoping he would shut up. I take off his clothes too until every inch of his skin is within my touch. I wrap my hips around his legs and he carries us to the bed located in the middle of the room. He lays me there and positions himself on top of me.

He flips me so I am facing my front. He uses his knee to open my legs wider. I can feel his head and I moan. I am so wet for him. I am so ready for this. But it's taking so long. I need him.

"Christian, please . . ."

"Answer me first, Ana. Are we just friends?"

"No, we're not. We are not!"

Then he slams into me and I cry out in pleasure. While he rides me, I can't fathom the sensation waving inside of me. My pulse rate is speedy and my heartbeat is so damn fast. The way he says the F word is vicious and hateful.

"Friends." SLAM. "Friends." SLAM. "FRIENDS?" SLAM.

A few more heavy thrusting and then I am done. I almost think he is done too but he flips me over and now we're facing each other. Eye to eye, nose to nose, and mouth to mouth, he pushes and pulls in and out of me with much tenderness. Unlike a few seconds ago, he is sweet and tender now. It terrifies me . . . but looking at those grey eyes, I let myself feel.

While he pushes in and out of me, his right hand cups my right cheek. I lean to kiss it softly. Then, his speed increases.

I come once more.

He releases a satisfied sigh when he reaches his climax. He kisses me on the forehead before he pulls out of me. I don't deserve to be cuddled right now but he still pulls me in so I could feel his warmth.

Underneath the crumpled white sheets, Christian asks me, "Why did you do it, Ana? What did I do wrong that made you say that you're just a friend of mine?"

I close my eyes and even when my fingers shake, I tell him the truth, "Because you spoke of your past and I thought that if that girl came back, she would replace me right away and . . . I'm used to being replaced."

I said it so brokenly that I have no pride left.

Not daring to look at Christian's face in the dark, I just listen to his voice. He breathes out a heavy sigh and says, "Is this about her? Is this about Leila? I am so sorry that I kept it from you. The truth is we were together two years ago. I thought I loved her so we hit it off but then I found out that she only used me from the beginning for my money. I didn't mention it to you because when you came into my life, it's like nothing else mattered."

That made me freeze. I look at him right now and his dark eyes glimmer in the lightless room. There is vulnerability in him.

"Ana, you don't know how badly I didn't want to fall for you. But what can I do? Cupid refuses to take his arrow back."

I gulp at that. He grabs my hand and kisses each of my knuckles, taking his time.

"When I first saw you, you were a mess but I thought that you were so beautiful. You were so free. You were so wild. And while your inner demons kill you inside, you were illuminating under the lights. The thought of not having you that night? It felt like a waste of my entire life."

"Christian . . . I don't deserve you."

His fingers touch my chin and he moves my gaze to his again.

"I am telling you this because I love you. I love you as a friend and I love you as a partner. You mean every 'I love you's' to me. Most of all, you deserve every sincere 'I love you's' in the world."

That automatically tears me up.

Christian continues, "You deserve a man who watches you shine at your best and who embraces you at your worst. You deserve a man who will make you see the potentials you have. You deserve to receive text messages that will brighten up your day. You deserve to be given flowers when you least expect them. You deserve to be treated like a goddess in a bed. You deserve to be loved, Ana. You deserve it no matter what. You deserve me."

Tears flow freely down my cheeks and I don't say anything at all. I press my lips to his and we're back to making love again.

~Somewhere in the Middle~

I wake up and Christian's not beside me anymore. I look out the window and it's a bright sunny day. I sit down, body feeling a little bit sore from last night's activities.

I smell the aroma of bacon and that wakes me up. I grab his white buttoned shirt on the ground and put it on. Walking to the table area, I see him with only his pants on and he's preparing the plates, putting the bacon in an orderly manner.

He notices me staring at him and says, "Good morning, Beautiful."

I raise my brow, "Beautiful? Look at me. My hair is so messy and I am so pale. I feel like the entire world could smell my bad breath when I open my mouth."

"Still so beautiful. You're so beautiful." He continues saying and I blush.

Look at this: a CEO of a billionaire empire prepares my breakfast. He talks about how the bacon is so good and it should be paired with eggs. I just stare at this topless man and realize that if he says I deserve him then I must give him what he deserves.

I guess it's time to let myself feel. I guess it's time to stop being so miserable. I guess it's time to love him. It's time to give myself a chance. It's going to be hard but I will try. I will go on therapy.

Christian is caught off guard when I hug him from behind, kissing his back over and over again.

He chuckles, "I love you, Ana."

"I love you, Christian. I love you."

It feels beautiful to say that.

Author's Note:

Got busy this week but here you go . . . a chapter of sweetness. We move to part two.

Also, please listen to the song. If you are married and you have a one hell of a good husband then you could relate to this song. It's called "Beautiful" by Plumb. This song inspired the chapter.

Thank you so much for reading my work!

Margo.