Author's Note:

Firstly apologies that the last chapter ended with a bit of a cliffie - i had continued to write the rest of the scene, and then noticed word count. So we pick up, right where chapter 12 ended.

Secondly apologies that it's been so long since I updated. Especially since most of this chapter was written when I posted chapter 12. I feel like I apologise for the delay every time I post - I wish I was more consistent and I promise I'm not delaying for any reason other than my mood (and consequently writing style and ability) varies - I've been watching and listening to way too much true crime stuff in the last couple of months to be in the right mindset for JAFF. As I don't want this story to turn into murder mystery, I've been avoiding it.

Thirdly huge thanks to readers who reviewed on all the previous chapters, as well as the newest. Sometimes I PM with my gratitude - but other times I sit staring at my computer with a big goofy grin on my face, so honestly from the bottom of my heart - thank you so very much for your encouragement.

In the Middle Before Beginning

Chapter 13

Elizabeth now felt it acceptable to step into the room, and Mr Bingley, seemed to dance in place - the look of anger shifting into a smile, though Elizabeth could read his unhappiness easily.

"I must apologise for interrupting your morning so," his face was still quite red, but his hands had stopped trembling about.

"Indeed," Elizabeth attempted to smile politely, keeping her tone light, while she glanced towards Darcy, who had set down his pen and was watching them apprehensively. "You are very welcome here of course, Mr Bingley."

"I thank you, though I am afraid I have not been deserving of such a welcome, I am exceedingly sorry - to treat friends so abominably..." Mr Bingley paused then, and glared at Darcy. With a hint of bitterness he spoke to her. "Perhaps you might clarify then, Mrs Darcy..."

"Charles," Darcy interrupted quietly, his tone like the soft thunder of an approaching storm.

Bingley paused again, seeming at a loss for words. All three in the room had some idea where he might have continued, and each felt differently at his failure to do so. His head dropped forward, as though in defeat.

"Might I offer my most sincere congratulations," he too spoke quietly, first looking to Elizabeth and then back to Darcy, "to you both. I wish you every happiness."

"Thank you Mr Bingley," and as though Elizabeth's words were a cue, he began to walk towards the door. "You are not leaving so soon I hope?"

"I am afraid I must, I should not have come at all." Bingley appeared quite pensive - in the space of a few minutes Elizabeth had seen more emotional range from him than she thought possible. "I have behaved rather poorly, I am quite ashamed of myself, I should not trespass on your hospitality longer today."

"Please do stay - there is no cause to part just yet." Elizabeth offered, noting how Darcy did not seem to agree, but pressed on, "it has been so long since we have seen each other - I should like for you to stay a while."

Bingley smiled then, still with an air of melancholy, "yes, not since November the 26th - when we were dancing together at Netherfield."

"Precisely," Elizabeth agreed with an encouraging smile, "and I was just discussing with my sister Jane, only a few days ago, what a lovely night that was."

"Indeed," Bingley glanced nervously at Darcy, who was now frowning slightly, before he added, "and how does your sister fare? And the rest of your family?"

"Jane is well enough," Elizabeth observed with amusement, "as is the rest of my family. Though I believe they were all surprised by our news."

She smiled at Darcy with this who ignored her tease and continued studying his friend. Bingley seemed to be brought back to his earlier indignation and he endeavored to make a more tempered display of it in Elizabeth's presence.

"Yes, we were all quite surprised," Bingley move back to the front of Darcy's desk, "you gave no indication that you would return from Kent with a wife."

"Charles, listen," Darcy began again, fully prepared to lead the conversation away from dangerous subjects but this time Bingley seemed determined to finish his questions.

"Why could you not have at least told me? After all we had discussed, after leaving Netherfield... about... you know." He had begun to lose steam again. Darcy was grateful that his friend was too bashful to be indiscreet about the matter - now they could easily move on. Elizabeth would not let Bingley finish there though.

"Oh, there is no need to be ambiguous for my sake," She moved now to stand near the desk as well, "Mr Darcy and I have discussed your reasons for leaving Hertfordshire, rather honestly I must say - it has been yet another contentious subject between us."

Darcy spoke to divert them from the subject - "indeed that is all in the past though - Charles have you been to this club this week?"

His attempt was fruitless though, as Bingley's voice, for once, surmounted his friend's, his appall almost making Elizabeth laugh.

"You know?" Bingley looked between them, then rounded in on his friend again, "you've discussed this with her? And yet ... with all of the reasons you gave me... it was because of your advice Darcy! And now - you've married..."

"You are very quick to blame Mr Darcy," Elizabeth interrupted before Darcy could respond, "I should think you would take some responsibility for your own choices."

Both gentlemen turned to her in disbelief, while she continued to delight in having such a means of resolving the entire issue. Elizabeth knew that she was likely causing another disagreement in her marriage with her next steps, but she had to act while the opportunity so easily presented itself.

She continued speaking to Mr Bingley, as though she were gently scolding a child, "are you not a man of independence? True, it is sound to seek the advice of knowledgeable friends, but that does not excuse you from being liable. You may have been encouraged to - but you were not forced to leave Hertfordshire. And then to send very little word to the families, who had so warmly included you into their society - hardly polite Mr Bingley."

Bingley seemed to be unsure of himself, and Darcy now stood, mostly facing his wife. "Elizabeth, perhaps another time we might..."

His voice had a hint of warning, but Elizabeth would not listen. "Though I recognise, sir, that what you seem most to accuse Mr Darcy of, what you seem the most perturbed by - is that he has chosen to act in the marital manner, which is opposed to his advice to you?"

Now Bingley nodded, but before either gentleman who speak, Elizabeth continued, her reproof bringing a blush to Bingley's cheeks, "again though - you are of means and sense enough to make your own way in the world. Why not follow your own conscience on this matter, if your friend's offerings were misguided enough to bring these sentiments from you now?"

"Indeed," Bingley remained in the same spot of the room, though it was clear his position was undergoing some change. He turned to Darcy, all accusation removed, "Mrs Darcy is quite correct in that I should not entirely blame you if I feel some disappointment in the differences in our current situations."

Darcy felt at a loss, he still had his reasons against his friend's choice, but how to raise them without angering his wife was unclear. In his silence, Bingley assumed that all might be forgiven and excused between the friends, and so he stepped around the desk towards Darcy, his right hand extended. "And if you will both excuse me," Bingley was now almost jovial - his usual mood returning, "I believe I should be on the road, within the hour if I am to reach Hertfordshire while there is still good light."

Darcy shook his friend's hand, his mind still frantically attempting to recover the matter, protesting at the possibility that he could not prevent was now seemed inevitable. Elizabeth was quick to respond from the other side of the desk, "oh, but then you might discover too late, that my dear sister Jane is in London - and has been so since the new year."

Bingley gaped at her, considering the new information, how he had missed her earlier hint to Jane's whereabouts Elizabeth could hardly believe. His quickly formed plans now being revised as Elizabeth finished, "and if you were to use the initiative of an independent gentleman and ask me, I might give you the address at which she can be found."

A proper frown covered Darcy's brow now, and he turned from his friend to Elizabeth, and then made a decision for the sake of his marriage, he would remain silent for now. Bingley gulped several times and studied them both with a quizzical look.

"Mrs Darcy," his usual beam growing wider, "do you suppose, unless it is too much to ask, that I might have the address where I might call upon your family in town, particularly your sister Miss Bennet. Though it is likely to be later today, as I shall need some time to..."

He indicated his slightly disheveled appearance, and Elizabeth smiled in reply. "Of course, Mr Bingley - though I cannot say what welcome you may receive- it has been several months of since you have parted with my sister, you understand?"

When Bingley was not put off by her warning, Elizabeth continued, "if Mr Darcy would be so good as to give me a slip of paper and his pen."

They both looked at Darcy, who was still scowling, but handed both over. Elizabeth neatly wrote her uncle's address down and handed it to the eagerly waiting Mr Bingley.

He looked ready to spring out the door, but hesitated, "Darcy, I..."

"Go Charles," came the only reply from Darcy now, and they watched as he made a hasty farewell and disappeared down the corridor.

Elizabeth turned back to Darcy, prepared for his criticism (it would be their first fight before breakfast too), but he was looking down at the papers he had been working on.

"I am sorry to interrupt," Elizabeth spoke quietly, all amusement gone, for she understood why Darcy would be annoyed by this - and surprisingly she wanted her husband to perceive her position in return. She wanted to explain her initial and actual reason for interference before they were each too agitated to hear each other, knowing it was likely to appear that she came only to send Mr Bingley in the direction of Jane. "I only wanted to prevent further scenes happening, especially as I know it's likely many of the staff could hear him. And given your friendship..."

"There was no need," Darcy responded, not looking at her and resuming his seat. "I know Charles, he may have been upset, and expressed himself as such for week or so, and then we would have soon become good friends again. And the staff know well enough to put it from their minds. All of it would have been forgotten in time."

He began writing on the papers before him, his head bent low.

Elizabeth was now annoyed. She had been prepared for anger and arguments, her counter- points and defenses had not expected this cold reproof and dismissal. She began to leave the room but turned back almost immediately. "Yes, but with your way - nothing would have changed. You would have kept your friend, but he would not have had an opportunity to renew his attentions to my sister. That might have suited you, Fitzwilliam, but I think he should have at least known of the chance - and he clearly wanted it."

Darcy glared up at her, "and your sister?"

"That will be for her to decide, if he chooses to call on her." Elizabeth's tone was harsher than she meant it to be. Calming herself took a moment before she continued, "it is not for I or you to determine their fate - regardless of what either of us want for them."

"You seem to be of the opinion that I acted once, and continue to act, on this matter for reasons that do not consider the happiness of my friend and your sister - but you are wrong."

"I have sense enough to understand you and your reasons. I simply do not agree with them."

Darcy stood, setting his pen down, his features neutral and his voice calm. He wanted to speak with her about so many things - if this was the starting point, he would do it in a way that would least lead to an argument. "I do not deny it - but will you allow me the opportunity to discuss them, in the logical manner they were formed? Perhaps we might reach a better understanding, if we both agree to fully hear each other out and not allow our tempers to get the better of us."

Elizabeth walked back to the centre of the room, taking a seat in one of the chairs arranged in front of the desk. She looked up at him expectantly, a glint of challenge in her eyes - and Darcy accepted the dare.

"It may have not seemed so, but there many differences between myself and Charles -not just in character but also prospect and status." He began, moving around the desk to stand closer to her, intending to seem composed. Elizabeth could have chastised his indifference and arrogance in such as statement, but for now she would allow him to speak without interruption.

"When I compared our circumstances and desires, I thought it likely that either theoretical marriages would receive some negative response. As I acknowledged, inopportunely at the time - I wholly expected my family and friends to be unhappy with our union."

Elizabeth flushed with the reminder - would the meeting with his relations go as he had once expected? This possibility bothered at her but she dismissed the thoughts as still Darcy continued. "But, I was willing to receive that criticism and knew there were factors in my favour that likely will make any criticism short-lived."

He moved now to sit in the other seat, and studied the carpet for a moment, before speaking without looking at her.

"My position and strong family name would not be easily tarnished, my wealth unaffected and even any risk to Georgiana's prospects, which I know may still exist, is not too substantial."

Elizabeth attempted not to tease his conceit- his logic, she could not fault though.

"To this I could also count on our dispositions," he looked up at her now, a gentle smile surprising her, "neither you nor I would suffer much under such issues or allow others to dictate our conduct. And - your intelligence and character might even serve to overcome any initial negative responses. I expect, in the near future, you will become one of the more admired and respected women in my social circle."

Elizabeth blushed, and was glad she had not spoken of his arrogance, considering how his words had flattered her pride. Her anger from moments ago was slowly dissipating under his compliments, instead she felt flustered from his admiring gaze. She was stubborn though, determined to hear his points fully and impartially, as well as retain her original stand.

"But your sister and my friend - they are not us." He spoke decidedly so, and with a hint of pride - but his words also were given some weight, as though they were a clear conclusion from hours of contemplation.

"Charles is not my equal - though he is my friend. The position of his family in gentile society is tentative at best. A poor choice for marriage could reduce him from his current circumstances or company that he aspires to. I admit some selfishness on this as well - I feared the loss of his friendship, should his society become so below my own."

Now Elizabeth made to speak, her protest evident in her features, but he took her hand and she stopped. "Your sister is also not you - imagine how she might have handled social condemnation from the family and friends of her husband? How easily might they both be influenced in their choices by those who did accept them, in particular and I do not mean to pain you with this, but by your mother? Charles's wealth and position could eventually be affected, Miss Bingley's prospects may also, and the attempt to elevate their family name would then be as good as over."

Elizabeth stared down at their hands, wondering if he had finished. His words had brought some imagined scenes to mind - Jane, filled with self-reproach and shame, unfairly blamed for marrying a man she loved. Elizabeth could not deny there was a little reason behind Darcy's determinations, but he was no fortune-teller, it may have not turned out so. When he spoke no more, she looked up, "I suppose that I might agree with some of your assessment."

She felt some irritation at having to make this concession, but Elizabeth also wanted to be honest in return for his efforts.

Before he could reply in some pompous way, she continued, "I still cannot say any of your reasons have justified your actions - I cannot forgive you for them. Even if you acted with consideration of your friend and my sister - it was truly not your place to interfere."

Darcy scoffed and dropped her hand, standing as though the position better allowed him to reply. "I do not need justification, nor do I regret my actions. Were they any different than the maneuvers I think was likely made by others - your mother, your neighbours, perhaps even yourself - in encouraging Charles and your sister to have expectations? Or do you excuse such meddling that you made just now, because it was in favour of what you wanted?"

"Encouragement and advice are not as intrusive as your acts - I did not take Mr Bingley to my sister just now, I only offered him a choice," Elizabeth now stood as well. "And regardless - you fail to recount the most pernicious of your reasons and consequential interference. You might have thought that Jane had only lukewarm feelings, but did Mr Bingley? Or were you required to convince him of such a lie about his own feelings, as well as hers? Were such convictions only possible once he was removed from my sister's company and unable to confirm it for himself?"

Darcy began to reply, but Elizabeth persisted, "and you lied to him - or rather kept the truth from him - this whole time Jane has waited and hoped! If I overstepped just now, it was only because it was needed after your imposition."

He had no words to respond now - her accusations struck at his pride. Even if her words were moderated at this time, it was the same marks as when they had first fought over the subject. Despite his efforts, she did not understand, and Darcy felt the original anger, but more so now - he had tried to explain, and given their growing accord, could she not now understand the position he had been in?

He had been - for some time in his life - the dependable figure for so many others. Charles Bingley had not be the first friend to seek his advice on matters, whether financial, social or personal. Acquaintances, staff and society depended on him - why should he not intervene where he thought necessary, and celebrate the success of such actions?

"It quite amazes me that you had considered all of this, it must have been some months of contemplation for you." She mocked, knowing her tone was hurtful, but unable to amend it. "I am rather sorry that I so swiftly undid such well thought out and unprejudiced decisions just now."

"You are mistaken," Darcy replied quietly, not looking at her. "I did not give months of contemplation, it may anger you to hear it, but I considered both Charles and my futures would likely be the same, which is why I acted in a way to remove both of us from Hertfordshire. It was not until those weeks in Kent that I found myself even more in danger, yet I was safe as long as I had this reasoning. It was in the minutes that it took from me to walk from Rosings to you, that I managed to find these solutions to any suggested problems, and thinking my actions were expected, I proposed because I..."

Darcy turned and stomped to the windows on the far wall. The view was not particularly interesting, as the architecture had more the intent to provide some natural light into the room. Still it was his customary response when he felt confronted and did not want to reveal his temper. The action created space between them, and the pause allowed Elizabeth to cool her own agitation.

She still could not forgive him, but she did understand his logic, and she did not need the reminder of his regard, or her lack of affection.

"Forgive me," she requested after a few moments of silence, "you offered civil discussion and I responded with censure." When he did not reply, she added, "please Fitzwilliam?"

Darcy turned at it, though he did not move closer. Elizabeth could not help the small feeling of smugness at the response to the use of his first name.

"It may have not been evident, but I had also considered the depth of affections of those involved. At the time I convinced myself that our situation was different in this way, as in the others, and that my actions had been compassionate to Charles and your sister. I know now what an error in judgement this was."

Here he stopped, and Elizabeth blushed.

"Very well," Elizabeth suggested when he remained quiet, "I believe that there may be some better understanding between us - though I do not think we will ever find an agreement on this subject."

"Perhaps not," Darcy agreed. "We should put the subject to rest then, for a time."

Elizabeth nodded, and she turned to leave, murmuring, "I have a letter to finish before breakfast."

"Elizabeth, wait." He stopped her, swiftly coming around the desk but not quite near her.

She turned, a slight smile on her features. "Forgive me sir, but I believe we have agreed that the discussion should be at an end."

Darcy nodded, but held out a sheet of paper that had been sitting on top of his desk. "This is true, but I had been about to find you on another matter, when Charles came in."

She hesitated but then accepted the offered page. It had a list of names and addresses, in his neat handwriting, five or six all together, with no indication or meaning.

"It is a tradition for my family, that when a couple are married - they have a portrait commissioned," Darcy explained, "- together. These are the artists used in the past - I think some may still be available, and those that are not may have trained others in their style. Have you sat for a portrait?"

When Elizabeth, slightly surprised by the change in discussion, replied that she had not, he continued, "you would agree though that it would be convenient to have the main sittings completed while we are in town? We do not need to use any of these artists, if you find another you prefer - would you make the arrangements for this?"

It was the first task he had requested of her - and it came with an unfamiliar sense of obligation. "I shall make inquiries."

He thanked her, and after their heated exchange only moments earlier, they were both relieved to part on easier feelings. Elizabeth, now encouraged by the lighter mood, followed Darcy as he moved to resume the work at his desk.

"There is one point that has occurred to me, just now."

Darcy paused behind his chair and studied her carefully. "On arranging for a portrait?"

"No," Elizabeth tilted her head thoughtfully to one side, "I know that we have agreed to not discuss Mr Bingley and Jane further, but I have just realised, Fitzwilliam - you are mistaken."

He could not help but ask, "I am?"

"You are," Elizabeth now teased, keeping her voice playful and broadening her smile. Neither wanted to argue further, but she could not resist. "As circumstances have changed, you are mistaken in sticking to previous assumptions about what may occur should Mr Bingley marry Jane."

Darcy remained silently studying her, knowing she would continue, seeing the amusement glinting in her eyes. Despite the earlier nature of this subject's discussion, he was drawn in by her mirth. It was as though the interlude provided by the new topic of artists and portrait sittings had also reset their harmony.

"I am no more skilled at knowing the future than you, of course." Elizabeth paused, and Darcy attempted to hide the small chuckle that escaped him, encouraging her. "But given our marriage, a union between my sister and your friend has more of a chance than you once predicted - Mr Bingley's situation is less likely now to be forced lower, indeed as your brother-in-law, it might be elevated. When I consider it, I would think that all reasons you had against their attachment are now resolved in some way by our coupling."

Darcy nodded thoughtfully, accepting some truth to this, but Elizabeth did not end there. "And when you consider, how you are now bound to relations that you were not wholly pleased to be in company with, you should be eager to have such a good friend as another member of the family. You both would have an ideal ally against your wives' offensive mother."

He opened his mouth to protest at first but then thought better on it. "I should rather like to consider Charles as my brother."

"Indeed, I thought to simply direct you towards a more amiable way of considering the whole matter," Elizabeth smiled teasingly, "and we shall speak of it no more - for now. I should go, I shall see you at breakfast?"

Darcy took up one of her hands and kissed the back in reply. Blushing, Elizabeth slipped out of the room and made her way back up the stairs while Darcy finally resumed his work. Both felt rather satisfied by the events of the morning - each for different reasons, but what they shared was contentment in their improving ability in agreeing to disagree.