Teaser: spawn of the nothingness, child of dirt, son of the abyss... despair and, therefore, die
Author's Notes: yay! actual Zutara! Finally, Zuko winds up right where we all want him to be. XD (though you might very well hate me by the end of this thing... which is soon, by the way).
/XIII: Wander/
-"Twelfth Night"
Katara gives him a small igloo against the wall of the ring of ice that protects the Southern Water Tribe. They both know that it belonged a man and his family, all wiped out, but they do not speak on that.
Clothes—Katara stares at him in shocked, disgusted worry when she sees his thin tunic and thinner pants—are given to him. Thick parkas and pants and snow boots. Things that, once upon a time, he would have raised his nose at.
Zuko suspects they are her father's, but he does not say anything about it.
"How are you?" is the first thing he asks her, as she takes him down the snowy path toward the igloo that Zuko will, thankfully, make his own.
She looks at him and blinks, as if she has never suspected him to inquire. "Alright, I guess. There's… we've had a lot to deal with since the war's end but we're… we're adjusting."
What she meant was: we're trying to survive without the men we loved and Zuko doesn't comment on it. The war is over and they have all lost things. They need to move on.
"Where is your brother?" He barely remembers the brother. All he can really remember is Katara, but when he thinks of Ty Lee—
Normally, he just stops himself.
"He's… he's alright," she says and her voices all but admits that her brother will never, ever be really alright again. "He's down at the Northern Water Tribe, helping it rebuild."
They fall into silence again, but Zuko thinks it is not because they have nothing else to say. He thinks it is because they are comfortable in the silence, her leading and he following. They are both new people, in different places, but somehow they already know each other, recognize each other.
"Why did you come here?" Katara wants to know as she helps him set up a cot. Surviving in the tundra is different from surviving in the Earth Kingdom, and Zuko sees that he is ill equipped for it.
He opens his mouth. He starts to tell her that he came here because he had nowhere else to go, his feet took him here, that this is just where he needs to be. Then he stops and thinks because suddenly it feels like that isn't the truth anymore.
"I'm trying to start over," Zuko answers and has Katara lifting her eyes to his. "But I—I can't do that unless I come back here. There's—" He can't finish it, but Katara understands and she nods to him.
"What do you hope to accomplish?" she wants to know and her eyes are almost teasing, like they are almost friends, and Zuko cannot help but smile a little and he suddenly remembers how long it has been since he has truly smiled…
At Uncle's tea shop.
But he just shrugs. "What do you need me to do here?" When she merely stares blankly at him, he holds up his hands. "I've learned a few things in the past two years. I'm pretty useful when it comes to manual labor."
"Well… we're mostly old women and young children here," Katara admits and inclines her head. "And it's usually bitter work to farm the fields this late in the winter."
"I'll do it," Zuko says and considers the matter closed.
Katara gives him an odd, thoughtful look. Like she is stepping back for the first time and truly evaluating him. Zuko manages to resist squirming under her gaze.
"Yes, I think you will," she says at last and then bends down to finish making his cot. Zuko watches her, unable to resist.
"How is… the Avatar?"
Again, she looks at him as if he had just said the last thing she has expected him to say. "Aang? He's good." A brief, proud smile crosses her lips and Zuko burns up. No one has ever looked so proud about him. "He can't stay in one place very long though. He's always zipping here and there. Someone always needs him."
"Was he… did he understand?"
He is talking about a space of time two years earlier but Katara remembers perfectly. She looks down at her hands and then back at him.
"Yes. Aang… Aang was going to let you go if I didn't," she tells him and surprises him more than anyone else has. "He saw something in you when we—when we took the palace back and he was going to let you go."
Zuko knows what Aang saw. That complete deterioration of the human spirit. It is a place he has struggled hard to keep himself from. He thinks now he is almost free from it. Almost.
"Good," he tells her and looks down at his hands.
She has a thoughtful look on her face again. "Maybe you were right. Maybe you did change." Zuko's eyes meet with hers. "Maybe what happened—maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe it was necessary."
"It doesn't change that I killed him," he answers, not bitter because he has learned not to be bitter over it. But he can't keep the grief out of it. There will always be grief in his voice.
"You didn't kill your uncle, Zuko," she says to him and the way his name rolls off her tongue has him staring at her. "War did."
War. Yes, maybe.
All he does is nod and look away. The pain is still a little too sharp, but it is mostly because he cannot believe that someone can understand him. Understand how he feels and understand his uncle and his life and him, just Zuko.
When she walks to the door, she touches his shoulder lightly.
"We all get to start over." There is such determination in her eyes and he is amazed someone can look so strong and beautiful all at once. "What—who—we were in the past doesn't matter now."
He grips her hand on his shoulders and the contact surprises both of them. Fire and Water touching. But he doesn't stop her hand and she doesn't pull away.
"No, it doesn't."
They stand feet apart, at a crossroads. They are not sure where they are going, but Zuko thinks that he is ready and this is the true reason why his feet took him here. Like a magnet pull, he was brought back to Katara.
The first person after—after all that happened to simply understand him.
This—and Zuko sucks in a breath as he looks at her—is where he needs to be.
There is a tentative smile on Katara's face and he thinks, maybe, she knows it too. She turns and walks away and slowly and he watches her go because there isn't a whole lot else he can do except watch her go.
Something almost asks him to call her back, but Zuko understands that what he has been given is already more than he deserves.
It is icy cold all around him, but Zuko feels warm. The smile doesn't leave his face as he explores what has become his new home. He will adjust to the weather and the chill and icy glares. Zuko has learned to adjust.
When he breathes he sucks in clean air and for the first time he feels completely whole. Even if it's only for a moment, he at least feels whole. A split second in eternity, that is all he gets and that is all he truly wants.
Zuko faces tomorrow.
author's notes: ALMOST done. Only two chapters left to go! w00t!
Reviews
Hollywoodland two years is a long time, but Zuko's Walkabout puts him in the age range of 19-20, which I figure is a good age to start truly being a mature adult. Plus, Zuko's had a lot of things to think about. XD
Chigirl: glad you liked it!
Kitty East yup, sometimes the laziness can pay off! XP I like to see Zuko opening up more (and since it looks like he's getting everything he wants in Season 3, maybe that'll happen) but still retain that mysterious, brooding Heathcliff attitude. And, yeah, it's definately easier to development a character who actually interacts with others.
Kirihana it's always your imagination to run wild, doesn't it? I like when things are a little open-ended.
dantebascoluver aw, shucks. I try.
ohsoxalive I think half of Zuko's problem is that he judges himself but what other people see him as, not what he hismelf views hismelf as (if that makes sense). I think Zuko would find himself a lot more happier if he lived for himself instead of for his father or the Fire Nation and whatnot. But that's the kind of realization that comes with time.
Story Weaver1 I like to imagine that Katara got on with her life and did what she had to do after she and Zuko parted way, but at the back of her mind she always hoped he'd come back. When she saw him, it was more like a hope being solidified than an actual surprise. And, yeah, it's nice to know that Iroh would be proud of the man Zuko became.