"Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don't have trust, the friendship will crumble."
– Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo –

You're on your way back into your room where Quinn is still napping on your bed, your mind running wild. You try to come up with a good opener – is there a good opener when it comes to Beth? Quinn doesn't talk about Beth. It's sort of an unspoken rule. Best to never bring her up.

But you know, deep down, that the blonde craves a relationship with her daughter, any relationship really. You know that there is probably nothing that the blonde wants more than to have any kind of contact with her child and you know that this is her chance. However, you're also quite sure that Quinn doesn't think she deserves that chance. You're quite sure the blonde rarely deems herself deserving of anything.

When you are about to settle down next to Quinn again, your phone starts vibrating on the nightstand, lighting up with a name that you haven't had on your screen in longer than you care to admit. You snap the phone and quickly exit your curtained area again, making sure not to wake your former captain, before you answer.

"Hey B, what's up?"

"Is it true?" Erm, what? That is not quite the greeting you expected.

"Is what true? Are you okay, Britt?"

"Is it true, Santana?" The tone your ex-girlfriend is using is far from nice and it throws you, it fills you with dread when you think about what she might be talking about. She sounds both angry and upset. It's unsettling.

"I don't think I understand what you're asking me, B."

"Did you have sex with Quinn on Valentine's Day?"

"Brittany, I –"

"Did you or did you not?" Fury fills the voice on the other end instead of the innocence and warmth that you were used to.

"Look, B."

"Answer the question, San."

"Yes," you confirm because, really, what else is there to say? It's not like it's any of her business but there's really no reason to lie about this. "But I have a feeling you already knew that when you called."

"How could you do that to me, to us?" Is she actually for real?

"Britt, we're not a couple anymore. You're with Sam, remember?"

"Why did you have to ruin us? We were happy until you pulled the whole unofficial break-up stunt. We were happy."

"We weren't. You weren't!"

"You don't know that!"

You sigh loudly. "I do, Brittany. I do know that. When I came back, Sam told me about Brittany 2.0 week. And when you yelled at me for abandoning you, I just – I knew."

"We still had a chance though and now you ruined us." You thought you did. You thought there was still a chance when you came back to Lima, all but ready to throw away everything for the blonde and settle for a life in Lima that would for sure have made you miserable. But Brittany rejected you. And after all the weeks that have passed, you actually find yourself thankful.

"We aren't a couple anymore. You've moved on. I'm allowed to do that, too, don't you think?"

"This is different. It's Quinn."

"We were both single. We have no reason to feel bad about what we did."

"Why?"

"Because we're not cheating on anyone?"

"No, why Quinn?"

"I'm sorry, but I really don't think I need to explain myself. We're friends, B. I don't have to justify my actions. It's none of your concern." And it's true. You love Brittany. She's still your best friend but this thing with Quinn is none of her business. At least for now, seeing as you yourself still have absolutely no idea what exactly was going on.

"We're not friends," Brittany all but whimpers. And with that the other girl hangs up on you, not even bothering to tell you goodbye, leaving you shattered in the middle of the loft you have been calling home for the last few months. What does she mean? You're not friends? You're best friends. How can she just say that? And, more importantly, who told her? No one knows about this, no one but yourself, Quinn and – it hits you like a freaking train – Rachel.

You feel hot anger boiling inside of, your breath growing heavy, your vision blurring with an all too familiar fury. Just when you thought that you and the brunette diva could actually be friends. Just when you started opening up, trusting her.

"Santana, are you alright? Who were you talking to?"

"How dare you? I trusted you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to gain my trust?"

"What –?"

"You had no right, Berry. No right. I just lost my best friend thanks to you and your stupid blabber mouth."

"What are you talking about?"

"You just couldn't keep it in, could you, Hobbit? Always the righteous one. I should have known better than to trust you. You probably tell yourself some stupid story about how she deserved to know, about how someone had to tell her. Just like you did with Quinn in sophomore year. What will it take for you to finally learn how to mind your own damn business?"

"Santana, I have no idea what you're talking about." That's it. She's denying it? Seriously? The nerve.

"You told Brittany about what happened at the wedding. I trusted you. I fucking trusted you." You don't trust easily. You never have. It's probably the most difficult thing for you but you decided to throw caution to the wind and open up to Rachel. You decided to trust her. And this is what you got from it. More hurt.

"I did no such thing." She looks hurt, sort of. Or offended. You're not sure anymore. You only know that you obviously can't trust anyone.

"I'm moving out by the end of the week."

"What? Santana, I didn't say –"

"S, what's going on out here?" You watch Quinn making her way out of your area, her hair messily flying all over her face. God, she's beautiful. And you can't.

"Nothing, I need some fresh air. I'll be back in an hour or two."

You've been walking around the block for almost two hours now and you're quite aware that at some point you'll have to go back to the loft. Back to…to whom? You don't know who either of the women in there are to you anymore. You used to think of Quinn as a friend, one of your best friends, but now – now, there's definitely something else and you're absolutely terrified of that 'something else'. And then there's Rachel. Rachel, who you consider a close friend. No, who you considered a close friend.

You've had too much backstabbing going on in your life as it is. You would have told Brittany about this at some point. You would have told her once you knew what to tell her. Because, honestly, right now, there's not really anything to tell. Right now you wouldn't know whether to tell her you had a one night stand with your former captain or whether you and Quinn are something more than that. You simply don't know the answer to that either at the moment.

But, now, it doesn't even matter anymore because Rachel happily took it into her own hands and made you lose both your best friend, one of your closest friends and your safe haven in one day. She had definitely outdone herself this time.

It was one thing to lose Brittany as your girlfriend – you pretty much brought it on yourself anyway. You knew, somewhere deep down, that it simply didn't work, simply couldn't work. But losing her completely? Having her basically tell you that she doesn't want to be in your life anymore? That's a whole other thing. You honestly don't know how to handle it this time. And maybe, if you're being honest with yourself, you never knew how to handle anything in your life anyway.

When you get back into your apartment you find Rachel sitting in your armchair by the window, staring outside. You're about to go look for Quinn when you hear her talking on the phone. Although talking seems to not quite fit whatever conversation Quinn is having. The blonde's voice seems strained coming from your curtained area, clearly holding herself back.

"No, I think you don't understand. It's none of your business." This absolutely doesn't sound good.

"Of course I'm your friend." – "Well, honestly, you're not acting like one either because I can't even remember the last time we talked. When was the last time you actually asked me how I was? Oh wait, you never do that."

Okay, Quinn is clearly working herself up. She is right on her way to Ice Queen mode and whoever's on the other end won't know what hit them once she gets there.

"Oh, is that so? Well, you know what you are? Selfish! You're selfish and you always have been." You wonder who she's talking to like this. The only one you could think of that could get Quinn to go off like that would be the girl sitting just across the room.

"Yeah, that's exactly the problem, though. She's not your girlfriend anymore. She can do whatever the hell she wants with whomever the hell she wants to do it with." Damn. Brittany. This just can't be happening. As if this day could get any worse.

"You're wrong, I understand exactly what your problem is. Your problem is the me of the situation. You don't give a rat's ass that she fucked her boss but when you hear she slept with me you step in to claim her again. Guess what Brittany? She's not yours to claim anymore. You had your chance and you let her go. Now it's time to actually let go."

A part of you wished you could hear the other side of this conversation but another part of you keeps repeating her words over and over again: "We're not friends." If you're not friends, then what are you?

"Oh, looks like your source only gave you half the story then, huh? Well, that's just great because you might not see me as a real competition and I realize that that's probably true, but Madison? She sure as hell is."

Now, she's just flat out lying. You don't know what bothers you more. The fact that Quinn thinks she doesn't have a chance or the fact that she thinks Madison does.

"Why? Well, apart from the fact that she's hot and older than her, she's also very, very gay. So, as you can see, she has one very important thing going for her: She won't choose some stupid boy over her like you did, twice."

True, after moving to New York, you swore to yourself you'd never be with a girl again that wasn't 100% gay. It's simply too painful, you realized.

"Look, Brittany, I get it, okay? She's your best friend and you feel like you're losing her now that she's moving on but if you know her as well as I know you do, you know that she'll always be there for you, no matter what." Her voice has softened somewhat, only a hint of malice left. "She'll always put you first. You just have to give her a chance to show you that. Try to calm down and once you do, call her. We both know that you're as miserable without her as she is without you."

You hate this. You hate how vulnerable hearing this makes you feel. You hate how well Quinn knows you. You hate how well she knows you and Brittany. While you stare at your feet with unshed tears starting to burn in your eyes, you don't realize that Quinn has ended the call, exited your area and is now staring at you, her eyes wide as you look up at her.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," is all you say because, honestly, what are you supposed to say after this? You don't even know how you feel about any of this anymore. You feel so lost right now.

"I'm so sorry, it's just, she just –"

"It's okay Q, I'm not mad at you." And it's true, you're not. Not really, anyway.

"You're not?" She seems so small. It's a frightening contrast to the icy Quinn you just witnessed moments ago.

"I'm not. I honestly don't know what to feel right now. Why did you call her?"

"I didn't. She called me and started yelling before I had even gotten a word other then 'hello' in."

"Oh, I see." You thought, for sure, that Quinn had called Brittany to give her a piece of her mind but you're surprised your ex would actually go as far as calling Quinn. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I actually learned something that might be of interest for you. It wasn't Rachel. Britt didn't know about Madison and if Rachel had told her, she'd have told her everything. I don't know who told her but it wasn't Rachel."

"It was Tina," Rachel says dejectedly from her place at the window. "Kurt told me earlier that she had mentioned seeing the two of you walk into the hotel room together after the reception." She doesn't even turn towards you and you know that it's both from disappointment and hurt. And you caused both of those feelings.

Tina, of course it was Tina. The Asian loved sticking her nose into things that are none of her damn business. She was the one to tell you about Sam and Brittany after all. Sure, you were glad someone told you because it would have hurt even more finding out about it at the wedding – on Valentine's Day – but this was simply one step too far. You'll have to make sure that Girl Chang knows her place next time you see her and you already know it won't be pretty for Gossip Chang.

You lock eyes with Quinn and the blonde nods at you, a small encouraging smile on her face before she slowly walks over to you. "I'll take a quick shower," she tells you before pecking you on the cheek and turning around to give the two of you some much needed privacy. Now, you just need to find the right words because if there's one thing you suck at, it's apologizing.

You slowly walk over to the girl sitting in your arm chair, wrapped up in an itchy old blanket, her arms tightly around her scooped up legs.

"Look, I'm sorry, I just –"

"Don't Santana. We both know apologizing isn't something you do."

"I'm trying here, Rachel."

"Oh, I'm Rachel again now? You know, it's not even the name calling that hurt the most or the fact that you think you can't trust me. Those hurt, yes, but what hurts even more is that you feel so left out when it comes to our living arrangement that instead of freezing me out and making me move out in true Santana Lopez fashion, you simply give up and decide to leave yourself."

"You'd rather have me throwing you out of your own apartment?" Okay, so now you're definitely confused.

"It's our apartment. We all live here. Kurt, you and I. We all pay rent, we all have our own little curtained off area. We're friends. At least, I thought we were. I'd rather have you acting like a friend than just leaving. But, you don't see us like that. I know that now."

"I'm sorry, Rach, I really am. I overreacted and I didn't let you explain yourself. I just lost my best friend. Can you understand that? What if Kurt had basically just told you he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore and you thought I had something to do with it? And, let's face it, chances are I would be guilty as hell."

"I didn't have anyone here, you know? I mean, yes, I have Kurt but I don't really have any girlfriends here. Quinn's in New Haven and everyone else is in Lima or LA. But, then you came, and after the whole Brody debacle, I thought that I finally had someone to be my friend. But you don't see me like that. I understand that now. It just hurts."

"See, that's where you're wrong, Tiny. I do see you that way."

"But –"

"Rachel, there's only two people in this world that could have caused a reaction like that, messed me up enough to charge at you like that. Brittany is obviously one of them and we both know the other one is taking a shower in our apartment right now."

You kneel down next to her chair and look up at her. "I know I screwed up earlier and I'm sorry. I honestly am. It might not mean much coming from me but I mean it. I might not like you 90% of the time, but those 10% are already about 9% more than most people get, you know?"

The brunette in front of you slowly disentangles herself from the blanket and leans forward a little before hesitating.

"What is it? You're not gonna kiss me, Berry, right? Because, honestly, it would make all of this so much more complicated and also really, really weird."

"No, no, I just – Can I hug you?"

You smile slightly and lean towards her, engulfing her in your arms, if only for a second before standing up and walking towards the shelf behind the couch.

"Alright, we need comfort food and some movies. Get us some Chinese takeout and call Kurt and tell him to bring some booze. Also, I get to choose the movies tonight because we all know you'll choose something that will make me cry and I do not need that right now. Quinn will have the lemon chicken and I'll take my usual."

And just like that, at least a little part of your world seems to have reassembled. You feel just that little bit less broken and less lost.

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."
– Ernest Hemingway –

Thank you to everyone who is still reading and supporting my story in any way. I hope you like the update. If you want to, take a second to tell me what you think.