Nathan left exactly one week and one day ago.

Jamie and I got to talk to him once. He told us that in the beginning, they want the patients to focus on themselves, and not the people they left behind. And that's good. I want that for Nathan. I don't want him worrying about what the drinking has done to us. I want him to worry about what it's done to him. So even though it is hard that he really doesn't have the opportunity to call us yet, he's doing exactly what I want for him. He's focusing on himself and getting better.

Lucas called me as soon as he dropped Nathan off that day. He said it was hard, and that Nathan cried again, but he promised that next time Luke saw him, he would be completely over all the shakiness and with any luck, he'd be back on his feet. He made Lucas promise to keep an eye on me and Jamie, and that if anything happens to us while he's gone, Nathan will find out, and he will come home and kick Luke's ass. I laughed when I heard that.

He met a few doctors in the facility, along with a counselor and the nurses. He told me that Skills would have probably been sorry he missed it, because there were some fine ladies there. I got mad at him, telling him that was no way to make me feel better. He said he was sorry, and then begged me not to tell Lindsey what he said. That Lucas. He knows when he's about to get himself in the doghouse.

According to him, it was a really clean place. It was a little closed off, meaning there weren't many windows. He assumed it was because the patients probably want to get off to the outside world before they're ready, and seeing it for themselves probably doesn't make it any easier. It probably makes them want it more, and they can't want that. Not yet. The building was also fenced in. That's understandable, but it will be hard for Nathan. I can just see him feeling like a caged in animal. That won't go over well.

Lucas has spent every day with Jamie. He has gone to work with Brooke every day after he gets out of school. Then Lucas picks him up from the store, takes him home, and I come get him after I get done working so Luke can go have practice with the team. I think that right now, it's good for Jamie to be around a lot of people. They take his mind off of Nathan not being around, and he's getting spoiled. I don't mind that at all. I usually do, but this is a special case.

I really appreciate that Lucas is doing this. Lindsey was in town for just a few days, and while I know Luke wanted to be with her, he made sure to spend time with Jamie too. I think he is trying to fill Nathan's role, and I really appreciate that. He's sticking through with his promise to Nathan about keeping an eye on Jamie.

Jamie's asked plenty of questions, and I try to give him the best answer possible. Sometimes though, I just don't have the right answer. He asks what Nathan's doing a lot, and when he's going to be home, and I just can't answer that. I have no idea, and I'm not going to lie to my son. If he asks the same questions, I'll just have to give him the same answer of "I'm not sure," until I get the right answer for myself. Then I'll pass it onto Jamie. For sure.

I keep replaying the talk with Nathan over in my mind about us having another baby. I am just so surprised that he brought it up then - on the way to South Carolina, when he's leaving us for several months, at least. We've talked about that only a few times, and most of those talks were a few months after Jamie was born. I've just gotten so used to Jamie being the only one that it's hard to picture another little Scott coming into our lives.

It's been nice to think about though. I kind of picture us with another baby now, and I like what I see. However, I just can't help but wonder if the only reason he brought it up was because he wants it to fix everything because he knows just because he's going to rehab, not everything will be resolved. A lot was broken with us these past few months, and it's going to take a lot to fix it all.

I know we can do it though. I know we can.

Lucas and I worked things out. I told him that I was being childish when I hung up on him. I was just hurt and I needed someone to take it out on. I couldn't take it out on Nathan because he was leaving, and I couldn't take it out on Jamie because…well, I refuse to take things out on him. That left Lucas. It was silly of me, but we've gotten everything solved now.

Jamie and I just finished eating lunch, and he's going upstairs to feed Chester. He's so responsible for his age. Nathan always jokes that he can't be his real kid because he wasn't that responsible when he was little, and he's still nowhere close to being that responsible today. But I don't believe that for a second. Nathan is very responsible, especially when it comes to Jamie.

I am finishing cleaning the house when the doorbell rings. It's finally clear of all signs that there was an alcoholic living here, and I'm so glad. I hated all those reminders. I put the vacuum cleaner in the hall closet and hurry over to open the door.

"Hi!" Deb greets me cheerfully, pulling me in for a hug.

"Hey," I reply, smiling as I pull out of her embrace. "It's good to see you. I haven't talked to you much since Nathan left."

"No." She sighs. "No, you haven't and that's why I wanted to come by. I figured it was Saturday and you wouldn't have much to do. I decided to stop in and see my favorite daughter-in-law and my favorite grandson!" She looks around me to see if she can spot him. "Where's he at?"

"Feeding Chester," I answer, opening the door wider so she can come in. "Can I get you anything? We just ate, but there's some leftovers in the fridge if you're interested?"

"Oh no thank you," she declines, setting her purse down on the hall table. "I was just hoping we could catch up."

"Sure," I respond, motioning for her to go in the living room. "How have you been?"

"Good…relieved, actually. I'm so glad you got Nathan there, Haley."

"Actually," I say, "he did most of it on his own. He knew he wanted to go, and I was planning on finding him a place, but he had Lucas over and the two of them did it while I was at work."

"Oh I see." She nods. "Well, it doesn't really matter how he got there. What matters is he's there!" She smiles at the thought of it. "He was really at rock bottom, huh?"

"Yeah," I confirm, shrugging. "I really don't know what else he had to lose. His career was gone, we were moved out, his brother was there more for us than he was for him, he couldn't even walk…" I could go on but I figure I'll stop. This is stuff Nathan's not proud of, and neither am I, and even though Deb is his mom, I probably shouldn't be sharing it.

"Well, I for one, am glad we didn't have to have the intervention after all. I'm glad that he realized before we had one what he was going to lose…I think all it would have done for him was add to his anger."

"That's probably true," I assert. "But we had to do something. I was just at a point where I was at rock bottom with him."

"It was bad," she says. "But he's working through all that now, and I'm sure you two will work through everything as well."

"We'll try."

"How is that going, by the way? I know you told him that you wanted a future with him if he got sober, but I was just wondering how the marriage was working?"

"Before he left, things were…great. But I think that was because we knew he had to go away, and so we pushed everything aside to just be together for as long as we could. I know we're going to have a lot to go through after he gets home."

"I'm sure," she agrees. "But you can do it. You're Nathan and Haley, the super couple!" she quips.

"Haha," I deadpan. "You're right though in the sense that we work through anything and everything. I can't help it if I don't want to be without him."

"No, you can't." She smiles, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger. "And he doesn't ever want to be without you either. You have to know that. I figured that out the day he emancipated himself."

I sigh. I know Deb is still hurt over this, even though she and Nathan made peace years ago. She still brings it up every now and then, and I never know how to deal with it. Usually when she does, Nathan is around, and he handles it, but of course, he's not here, so I'm at a loss on what to do. She blames me for it, I think. I mean, I was the one who told him he had options back then.

"Deb, I'm not sure we should talk about that," I admit hesitantly. "You know Nathan hates when it's brought up even though it is what happened back then…it's not…well, it's just…it's in the past. I don't think it needs to be brought up now."

She shakes her head. "No, of course not. I was just saying that I realized back then he couldn't be without you. And I realized that the day he emancipated himself."

"And I'm sorry for all the pain that caused you," I apologize. "Nathan did what was best for him at the time, and to be honest, if I had been in that position, I probably would have done the same thing."

"Right," she agrees. "Nathan needed to get out from under all of us and what we were doing to him, and if that was the only way to do it, then I'm glad for him in a way."

"I'm glad he did it," I admit softly, not wanting to anger her. "I think he would be a different person if he hadn't done it, and I like the person that he is now."

"Me too," she agrees, smiling at me. "And a lot of that has to do with you. You saved him back then, and you're saving him now."

"He's saving himself," I tell her. "I just gave him a shove in that direction."

"No, Haley," she denies. "You are always saving him. Without you, I don't know where Nathan would be, and I am so lucky to call you my daughter-in-law."

Compliments from Deb are usually far and few between, so I'm surprised that she's saying this. I do appreciate it though. I appreciate it so much that a few tears escape down my cheek.

"Haley." She looks so surprised that I'm crying and she reaches out to squeeze my hand. "I know I don't say things like that to you very often, but it's the truth. You are everything to Nathan, and while it killed me that he had to grow up and get married, I wouldn't want it to be to anyone but you."

"Deb, thank you," I whisper. "It's really good to hear that. Especially now with everything we're all going through."

She nods. "I do have something else to tell you…I'm going to go back to South Carolina. I left Mark there, and I think it's about time I get back to him. But I'll be in the same state as Nathan, and maybe if they let me, I can go check up on him from time to time and let you know how he's doing."

"That'd be great!" I exclaim. "I know you'll be honest with me…I know that Nathan is going to update me on himself, but he won't want to worry me, and so he probably won't always be one hundred percent honest. If you were there, that would take a lot of worry off my chest."

"I'll be there," she tells me. "It's not that I want to leave you and Jamie again while he's gone but I have a life there. I can't just forget all about it."

"No, of course not." I shake my head. "You need to get back there and pick up where you left off. We'll miss you but it's understandable. When are you leaving?"

"In a few hours actually," she admits. "I wanted to tell you both goodbye."

"Sure." I stand up and call up the stairs for Jamie.

He comes down a few minutes later, smiling as soon as he sees his grandmother. "Grandma!"

"Hi handsome!" She kneels down and he flies into her arms. They've gotten pretty close since she's been here these past few weeks. I never thought the two of them would be so close again. They're lucky to be having a second chance, I guess. "You're lucky that I'm at your house. You know how I feel about being called grandma in public," she teases him, reaching out to tickle his stomach.

He laughs. "What are you doing here, Grandma?"

She takes a deep breath and I give her a reassuring smile. "I came to tell you bye," she admits to him, wincing when his face falls. "I have to get back to my house."

"You can stay with me and Mama!" he invites her eagerly. "There's room 'cause Daddy's not here!"

"No, I can't do that, sweetie," she says. "I left my boyfriend there."

His eyes widen. "You have a boyfriend? Grandmas don't have boyfriends!"

"Oh, this one does," she tells him, tickling him again. "Give me a hug before I leave, okay?" He does so and she holds him to her tight. "I'm glad I got to know you again, Jamie. I'll call you and come visit again soon."

"You better," he replies, letting her go. "I love you, Grandma."

"I love you too." She runs her hand over his little blonde hair after she stands up. "Well, Haley, come here." She gives me a hug then too. "You're doing just fine. Nathan's going to come home and you'll work everything out."

"Thank you," I say back. "Let me know if you get to see him, okay?"

"Of course." She pulls away and walks towards the door. "If you need anything, you just let me know."

"We will."

"Okay." She opens the door and gives us both one last smile. "Love you both!"

"We love you!" Jamie and I call out in unison as the door shuts behind her.

"Why do people keep leaving us, Mama?" he asks me after she leaves, tugging on my hand. "Daddy and now Grandma. Who's next?"

"Oh, Jamie." I pick him up and slide him onto my hip. He's getting too big for this, I hate to say. Maybe Nathan's right…maybe it is time for another baby. Then I won't be sad that I can't carry Jamie anymore. Ha. "No one is going to leave you. And if they do, they'll come back. You heard Grandma. She said she would be back to visit, and Daddy will be back. You know that."

"They still leave!" he objects, his lips turning into a pout. "They leave and it makes me sad!"

"I know, baby." I hold him closer and close my eyes, just thinking. "It makes me sad too."

"Then why do they do it if they know it makes us sad?"

I shrug. "I wish I had an answer to that, honey, but I really don't. Grandma is leaving because she has her own life, and Daddy left because he needs to get better. No one leaves to hurt you, Jamie."

"Do you think Uncle Luke will go play with me later?" he asks, changing the subject abruptly.

"He probably will," I say, setting him on the ground. "He always plays with you. Want me to call him?"

"Yes please!" He nods eagerly.

I call Luke and a half hour later, he's here, making Jamie very, very excited. I know it's hard for him to not have a dad around the house, so when Lucas comes by, he bounces off the wall. It's hard for him to just have one parent, and I understand that. I try to play both roles sometimes, but that's hard, so having Lucas around makes us very lucky.

"How are you doing today?" He turns to me when Jamie heads upstairs to grab his little basketball and his cape. He doesn't like to do much without that cape. I find that really cute.

"Good…I miss him, Luke, but I always do so that's nothing new." I shrug and offer him a smile. "Deb left to go back home today. Jamie was asking me why people keep leaving."

He cringes. It's probably because that's difficult to hear a four year old ask. He should just be thankful that he didn't have to hear that. Or try to answer it. "What'd you tell him?"

"I just said that everyone has a reason to leave and that no one does it to hurt him."

"How'd he take that?" he asks.

"He asked if you could come play with him." We both chuckle at that. "I think he realized he wasn't going to get a good answer out of me."

"You tried, Hales," he reminds me. "You tried and that's what counts."

Jamie comes bounding down the stairs then. "Ready, Uncle Lucas?"

"Yeah," Luke responds, smiling at him. "Let's go to the River Court, buddy."

Jamie jumps up and lets out a little cheer. "Bye Mama! Love you!"

"Ah, ah, ah." I stop him before he gets out of the house. "Kiss first."

I bend down and he kisses my cheek. "Okay. I'll see you later!" he calls out, opening the door.

"We'll be back soon," Lucas promises me with a wink.

After they leave, I look around the big empty house, wondering what to do next. I realize that I haven't gotten the mail yet today, and I'm sure we've got some bills coming that I need to pay. So that is what I decide to do. Sit down and pay the bills.

I go outside and grab the mail, shuffling through it as I walk back inside. I stop when I see an envelope addressed to me with Nathan's writing on it. Quickly, I rip it open, letting all the other mail fall to the ground.

Dear Haley,

I've been in rehab for two days now, and when I'm not in a meeting or trying to walk again or doing something that deals with my recovery, I'm sitting in my room missing you and Jamie. Lucky for me, I don't have a roommate so I can sit as long as I want and wonder what the two of you are up to. I keep pulling the picture out of my wallet that we had taken about a month before my accident. It's our family, and you have the same one sitting on a dresser in our room. I remember you had just gotten your hair cut a few days before that, and you were so nervous that I wouldn't like it. But I did. You were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now, and I want you to know that, Hales. I remember how excited you were for that because we hadn't taken a family picture professionally since right after Jamie was born. I have that picture in my wallet too, in case you were curious.

You and Jamie make me the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I want you to know that all that has happened lately…it doesn't stop how I feel about you. I'm still as happy as I've ever been knowing that I have you and Jamie. Everything that went on is not your fault, and I need you to understand that. I know you know I'm not an alcoholic because of you, but because I was, and I still am, weak. I just felt the need to repeat that because I feel horrible these days. Now that I'm here, I've realized even more how horribly I treated you and how you didn't deserve any of that. Mistakes you may have made don't even compare to what I've done, and I'm sorry for that.

I know Jamie's probably really confused about things, and I know that you are probably trying your hardest to answer his questions, but you really don't have a straight answer to give him. When he asks about me, just let him know that I'm trying to get better and walk again, but I'm missing him a lot at the same time. I still don't know when I'll be leaving this place because to be honest, Haley, I don't want to leave unless I'm almost positive that I won't slip. So if he asks when I'm coming home, just tell him that you don't know, because I don't know either.

Things are different here - different than I thought they would be. There are so many people here, and they all have different kinds of addictions. There are drug addicts and alcoholics, and there are even some gambling and sex addicts here. Isn't that weird? I used to make fun of people like that, Hales. I mean, how could someone get addicted to shit like that? But they did, and now here I am. I'm an addict too, and I realize that I had no right to ever say anything about other people. Everyone makes mistakes, and they're here paying for theirs just like I am. Don't worry, though. They're feeding me and I take my daily shower and keep clean. This is a clean facility, and I promise you, I'm okay. Things are hard, but I'm okay.

You probably keep thinking about having another baby because I brought it up. What a time to bring it up, huh? When I'm on my way to rehab. Sorry for that. I've thought about it a lot lately, and it really is what I want. I want to have another combination of me and you. When Jamie was born, it was the proudest day of my life, and I want to experience that again. I want to go through that again with you, and to be honest, I loved you carrying my child. I loved being protective of you, more so than I usually am. I loved making sure that you weren't walking too close to the street or lifting things you shouldn't be lifting. I want that again, Haley, and I know it would take a lot of time, but just know that it is something I picture us doing again. It's something I want for us, but I want you to want it too, and not just because I do. I just think it would be good for us, and bring us closer together again, and let's face it, we need to be closer again.

I haven't been able to call yet. There's a certain time period here or something where you have to wait to use the phones, and they took my cell. I promise though, that as soon as I can, I will call you. Yours is the first voice I want to hear. Well, yours and Jamie's.

I hope everything is going well there. I hope you're able to balance work and Jamie…but I know you can. You're strong, Haley. Thank you for loving me and supporting me in this. I'm sorry for everything, and I promise when I come home, things will be different.

-Nathan

I reread the letter about a dozen times, I think. His words are so sweet, and they're really a comfort to me right now. I feel better now that I've heard from him, and I know he's okay. I know when he comes home, things will be hard, but they will get better. His words give me that hope.