A/N: Hello there, it's been a while hasn't it, no I didn't forget about you. How could I? I just needed…a little push? Enjoy the madness!
I woke up. I was in my bed, but I felt…strange. I looked around the room, and immediately I knew something was different. I could see the details in the stony walls next to me, each crack and crevice in the strong stone. I could hear the small flicking of the candles in the room. I could feel each hair of the furs covering my body and feel the cold air on each pore on my face. I could smell the food coming from within the Sanctuary, each spice, each ingredient; oh, I love horker stew~. It was if all my senses were heightened and now had such a strong acuity. I sat up, and I realized it wasn't just my senses that were different. I felt…great! Fantastic actually, I felt no pain or soreness, so calm and relaxed. The kinks in my back had magically disappeared and I noticed the bruises that I had once had were missing from my skin. In fact, I felt like a whole new person! I felt myself smile widely.
A grumble from my stomach told me I was hungry, and what better way to satisfy my hunger then horker stew? I dressed and began my descent to the dining area, hearing that sorry excuse for a leader Astrid speaking to the other members.
"We are supposed to find her a way to get in without being suspicious or detected," her annoying voice clamored, "but the whole damn Penitus Oculatus has the whole city crawling with their soldiers…" As I continued to make my way to the dining area, I heard Festus grumble a bit, while the others fussed in their chairs.
"Well, she could pose as a maid or an agent." Nazir offered, but was only answered with a scoff from Festus, to which at this point I entered the room, descending down the stone stairs, avoiding a large crack, leaning back against a wall, crossing my arms.
"Please, no one is allowed to enter without a Writ of Passage and the only person left with said Writ is the Gourmet himself!" Festus objected, gaining a glare from the Redguard. The two went on to argue, it wasn't till a few bangs on the table caused that pathetic woman Astrid to step in.
"Brothers, enough of this foolery!" she shouted trying to gain back their attention, yet was unsuccessful in doing so. Her pathetic attempts to stop them made me chuckle. My subtle laugh was soft, but then increased in volume until my laughter couldn't be contained! The laughter became hysteric, somewhat maniacal! I couldn't stop laughing, for, the answer was so simple! These fools couldn't see past the facts, the solution was right in front of them.
"Do you have something to say sister!?" Astrid growled angrily at me, her eyes burning in disgust and fury. I noticed that the other members of the Family were staring at me in surprise as well; shocked at my sudden malicious outburst. My laughter died in an instant; replaced with a dispassionate expression. The sudden change in attitude took the other members off guard; I could tell from the flash of curious cautiousness that was in their own eyes. I couldn't suppress a smirk. I uncrossed my arms and slowly approached the table, the others expressions still the same.
"Careful," I warned playfully, "your faces may freeze like that." Their dumbfounded faces unfroze and an awkward silence began to hang in the room as I continued toward the table. I stared at Astrid intently, and smirked when I saw a flash of uneasiness come through her eyes. Good, she won't be bossing me around for much longer… "And yes, I do have something to say." I said smugly. I faked a depressed sigh, "I'm so tired of all this nonsense," I confessed using my thumb to pick at my nails my other hand on the table, pretending to be bored, "all this problematic talk, yet none of you can see the solution!" I sighed histrionically. I looked to everyone's surprised faces; even the unfazed Babette gave away a hint of confusion in her childish face. I glanced over at Astrid who seemed to not be taking my sudden change in attitude well. I could tell she was holding back a lot, my now heightened senses picking up the slight change in her breathing pattern; it would seem as though she was angry; how…entertaining~. A low giggle emanated from my throat; apparently setting her off.
"And what exactly do you have in mind!?" she rudely spat, causing everyone to stare at her; astonished by her sudden outburst. Usually Astrid was quite calm, yet now the roles were reversed, and I was the composed and collected one, and she the unstable, emotional wreck! What irony! I grinned rather smugly and suddenly sat down abruptly.
"It's simple," I said dramatically, looking at the other members of the Family, my hands placed on the table, "We kill the Gourmet!" Everyone in the room gasped wildly, giving each other confused glances.
"One does not simply kill the Gourmet." Babette informed, her fingers curled into a circle. Everyone seemed to be satisfied with her input, their indistinct chatter, clamoring in the room.
"She's right you know." The deep voiced Redguard rumbled. I rolled my eyes.
"Really? I thought we were assassins, not dim-witted milk-drinkers, are we not trained for this kind of thing?" I argued; amused by the strange people around me who were suddenly out of character. Gabriella sighed and put a hand on her head.
"You don't understand, nobody knows who the Gourmet even is, let alone his location." Gabriella said seriously, yet I could tell this whole conversation had sent her and everyone else in an anxious mood. I linked my fingers together and placed them under my chin, leaning on them as I listened intently…Get it? Listened? The Listener Listening? Haha! I needed to write that down on a roll of paper!
"So, you're telling me that you have no leads whatsoever…none of you?" I probed the others. They stayed silent for a moment, as if conflicted about who they should relay information to, me or Astrid, and Festus quickly settled the argument.
"I…uh, have been working on some leads…" the old curmudgeon began, looking at me. I did a quick glance toward Astrid, pleased to see an eye twitch.
"Yes?" I ushered the wizard. He seemed to gain more confidence through the conversation.
"Well," he continued, "in my, uh, "investigations", I came upon this." He walked away from the table and went over to the bookshelf, looking intently at the bines before reaching in and pulling out a book. He silently walked back and all eyes were focused on him. He brought the book to the table and placed it carefully on the wooden top, opening the front cover. "It's a copy of the Gourmet's cookbook, but not just any copy," he said, turning the book and sliding the book across the table to me, "it's signed you see." He finished. And I did see; it was a message that, in rather sloppy handwriting, wrote:
"To a great friend and cooking companion, Anton Virane." I said out loud, observing the Gourmet's signature; it was just as sloppy as the rest of it. "What do we know of this Anton Virane?"
"I can answer that." Veezara interrupted, "He works at the Keep in Markarth, I encountered him during my last contact there; he's the cook."
"I never would have guessed!" I chuckled.
"Anton Virane could definitely identify who the Gourmet is!" Babette chimed, giving me a toothy grin.
"And give us a location of his whereabouts." Nazir added. I couldn't help but smile.
"You see?" I began, "All we needed to do was think a little harder! Now," I continued, standing up, "I shall go to Markarth and see this Anton Virane, he'll give us the identity of the Gourmet, even if I have to milk it out of him…hehehe, get it? Milk? Because he's a chef?" I started to laugh again, yet this time, slowly but surely, the others began to laugh with me. I turned back to see Astrid distraught over what was happening, seeing the others this way, and I knew exactly what she was thinking.
Yes Astrid, perhaps their loyalties are starting to lie within someone else, I thought to myself while skillfully grabbing a bowl of horker stew to go, and that someone is me~
I took a spoonful of the stew and opened my mouth, dagger-like teeth clasping around the utensil; it was warm and my taste buds were filled with pleasure from each spice. I grinned wildly; knowing that my eyes were glowing crimson.
This was only the beginning~
A/N: As you can tell, I'm not good at telling jokes! But I do know my memes. XD