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Grim Waters: I apologize for any inconvenience...not really. I'm glad you like my writing :D
Thank you to everyone else who reviewed as well. I know I got behind on answering reviews, but with school, work, NaNoWriMo, etc, I'm doing my best. Thank you all very much and I hope you enjoy the chapter.
The girl's emotions were painful. Jasper had noticed the negative ones pop up every once in a while that first time she'd actually met him, and then again after the baseball game. At school, she went back and forth, her mood usually dropping when one of them wasn't with her, but sometimes even when they were. There were times when Edward would put his arms around her, holding her close, sometimes kissing her hair, sometimes just holding her hand, especially at lunch, when she would suddenly put off waves of pain, then glance up at him, obviously checking to see if he'd noticed. But he was good about looking straight ahead, or focusing on his own conversations, pretending he hadn't been paying attention. But he wanted to help her…he could ease the pain, and she noticed every time but didn't call him out, but that was all. He couldn't take all of it away, not without risking her anger or irritation or upset or something negative. And he didn't want to upset her! He wanted her to be happy, like she was those other times when she was talking and laughing with them.
'She blames herself.' The thought startled him as he kept her sleep peaceful, fighting the traces of guilt and pain in her dreams, but as soon as he thought it, he realized it was true. He could feel the surprise coming from Edward and sighed, trying to figure it out as his brother's emotions turned from startled to tormented. 'She thinks it's her fault that her father is dead.' He'd heard her speaking to Esme, how she'd claimed that she couldn't possibly know what her father would want, as she'd never really spent time with him. 'I think…she blames herself for his death.' He informed his brother, trying to make sense of his own thoughts. 'Because she came here…or because she never visited him much before…'
Edward didn't answer, and Jasper could only imagine that he was pulling her closer, holding her tightly in a desperate attempt to save her from her own pain. "I don't think….the grass doesn't need…green. Too green." He fought back a laugh at her incoherent mumbles, and felt Edward's strained amusement as well. He'd learned that the girl always spoke in her sleep, often tossing and turning as well, and it was fun to listen to her unguarded thoughts and try to make sense of her dreams. "No, it's…." She shifted in her sleep, and he focused once more on easing her emotions, trying to give her some peaceful sleep. "…cold here…"
He stood, stepping into his bedroom where Edward and Bella lay, nodding to his brother who was trying to give her room so that she wouldn't be cold, while still trying to hold her like she obviously wanted. "Edward?" Jasper opened the door to his closet, reaching up and pulling an extra quilt off of the top shelf. They kept several around, mostly because Alice and Rosalie used them for decoration, but now they would serve a more useful purpose. He opened it, moving alongside the bed.
"I'm here, Bella." Edward murmured, stroking her cheek as Jasper draped the additional blanket over her, then went back to the hallway, sitting on the floor once more while Edward thanked him quietly, tucking the blanket between himself and the girl, wrapping it around her so that she would be comfortable.
The day passed slowly, which was fine for Jasper. Closing his eyes, he lay his head back against the wall and let himself relax completely, his only focus on his new little sister in Edward's arms, keeping her emotions calm and happy. Whatever guilt or pain she was feeling could not be dealt with in her dreams. They would try to talk to her, and if that didn't work, Carlisle would come up with a solution. He was amused at himself for a moment, but honestly, he did believe that. Like a little child, he believed that his father could do anything. In a way, they all did. He couldn't feel tired, but allowing himself to relax was revitalizing, and the mostly pleasant atmosphere in their home only helped him relax further. For the first part of his life as a vampire, he'd been on high alert at all times, always ready to be attacked, and often was. He'd been a monster, a murderer, and hadn't thought too much about it, apart from the heavy, painful emotions that plagued him. But then, when he'd left Maria, when he'd met Alice…when he'd found these people that became his family, he'd learned, slowly but surely, how to relax. It helped that he trusted his two brothers completely, and that he knew that were anything to threaten himself or Alice, his entire family would be there to stand up for them.
So sitting against the wall and doing absolutely nothing, other than monitoring Bella, was a nice change. Alice was with Emmett and Rosalie, and was perfectly safe. Carlisle and Esme were downstairs, Edward was in his room with Bella…Jasper's own comfort and happiness bled into the emotions he was wrapping Bella with, and he felt her contentment from the hallway.
I was warm. And comfortable. And still tired. I rolled over in the wonderfully large and comfortable bed, sighing contentedly and snuggling into the blankets. Suddenly arms tightened around me and I stiffened, my eyes flying open, then relaxed when I found myself lying next to Edward. He chuckled softly, leaning forward and kissing my forehead. "Are you awake now?" He asked gently, rubbing my back, and I scooted closer to him, shaking my head. He began humming softly once more, the soft sound and the emotions I knew Jasper was pushing at me putting me back to sleep after only another minute.
The next time I woke, I opened my eyes slowly, stretching a little and rolling over again. The arms were still around me, and Edward stroked my back, kissing my hair again. "Is she finally awake?" Someone whined.
"Hush Emmett." I smiled a little at Esme's scolding, burrowing into Edward's arms. I was so comfortable…and calm…and Jasper had to be behind this. I heard Jasper chuckle softly, and the door opened and shut, letting in a trickle of light in for a second, then I felt the bed dip.
"She's waking up." That was Carlisle, and his hand went to my forehead. "She doesn't have a fever…I believe she's just catching up on her sleep. Bella?" He addressed me, moving his hand to my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
"Okay…what's going on?" I asked, peering up at him drowsily. I couldn't really remember what had happened…why I was here.
"Edward brought you over here…you weren't feeling well. How's your head?"
I remembered the headache now and shook my head, feeling silly for worrying them. "Fine…I'm sorry." He touched my cheek, shaking his head and frowning.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. You weren't feeling well." He glanced over when the door opened once more and Esme stepped into the room, a tray in her hand. "Do you want to eat?" He asked gently as Edward placed a hand on my back, carefully helping me sit up against the pillows suddenly stacked behind my back. "We've got soup, toast…" He squeezed my hand. "You've slept most of the day, but you will need a good night's sleep tonight as well."
"Most of the day?" I asked in surprise, looking around the dim room. But the curtains were closed, and I couldn't tell what time it was.
"Yes, it's nearly eight o'clock. I believe it would be best if you stayed home from school tomorrow as well." He must have read my face because he shook his head firmly.
"Bella, I'm your doctor. And I'll tell Billy as well. You need to rest for a little while." He ran a hand over my hair, leaning forward and pulling me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, realizing just how much I'd missed him in the last few days. "Now, you need to eat something. Okay?" I nodded a little, still not giving up on going back the next day, but not wanting to argue with him.
"Thank you." I spoke quietly to Esme, a little embarrassed, but she kissed my hair, shaking her head.
"You're welcome sweetie." She touched my hot cheek, placing the tray of food in my lap.
"Would you like to stay here tonight?" Carlisle asked me seriously. "I'd like to speak with you, and you'll need to get all the sleep you can tonight."
I wanted to stay with Edward…I loved Billy and Jacob, but having Edward with me, and having Jasper around to keep me calm, kept the nightmares away. But…Billy would worry. Carlisle reached out and touched my cheek. "I will call Billy and tell him what's going on, if you'd like." I glanced over at Edward and nodded just a little. He pulled me against his side, kissing my temple, and Carlisle smiled softly, standing. "I'll let you eat while I call him. And then I'd like to speak with you." I nodded, a little worried for a second before my emotions turned completely calm and positive, and I sighed at Jasper.
Edward's brother chuckled as he stepped into the room and turned the lights up slowly, letting me adjust to the light. "Hey Bella." He greeted with a smile, moving to sit beside us in a chair by the bed. "You feeling better?"
"Yeah. Thank you." I didn't just mean for his inquiry and he knew it, smiling and reaching out to ruffle my hair.
"Eat. Then you can sleep some more." I stuck my tongue out at him, leaning against Edward and taking a bite while he laughed.
"Hello?" Carlisle was a little surprised when Jacob answered the Black's home phone.
"Hello Jacob. It's Carlisle Cullen."
"Hey Dr. Cullen." He smiled at the boy's friendly greeting. "Is Bella okay?"
"Yes. She's feeling much better. May I speak to your father?"
"Sure. Just a second." He could hear the muffled sounds of Jacob speaking to Billy, and then Billy was given the phone.
"Hello?" Billy grumbled at him.
"Hello Billy. I wanted to speak to you about Bella."
"What about her? Is she okay?"
"She's fine. She slept most of the day, and I hope she'll sleep through the night…I'm going to give her a check up as soon as she's finished eating. But I don't think she needs to go to the hospital. I did want her to stay here for the night, and I think she should stay home tomorrow. I can bring her back to your house in the morning if you'd like…or meet you at the border, as long as you'll be home to keep an eye on her."
Billy sighed, a reluctant sound. "I'll be fishing tomorrow." He answer simply. "I'll cancel my trip…"
"Bella is more than welcome to stay here until you return. I have to go to work in the morning, but Esme will be with her all day." He assured the man. "We want to keep an eye on her, just in case. I'm worried that her nightmares are causing the lack of sleep, and that once she returns home, they will come back."
"Did you sedate her?" Carlisle hesitated, not wanting to lie, but knowing that the truth wasn't really an option either.
"In a way. Having Edward nearby helped. And I gave her some medicine orally…I didn't inject her with anything. She was able to sleep without it."
There was a brief pause, and Billy took a long breath. "Is there anything you can do? About the nightmares?" He asked softly, his voice sad, and Carlisle felt a wave of sympathy for the man that obviously cared for Bella.
"Perhaps. They sometimes fade with time after a traumatic event. Keeping busy helps…she's immersing herself into life here…and she seems to be doing well in school, even considering her exhaustion."
"And now she has Edward, of course." Carlisle sighed at his bitter voice.
"Yes, she has all of my family. We care very much for Bella."
"So you're going to suck the life out of her? Make her like you?"
"If Bella wishes to join our family, truly join our family, then we will welcome her. Happily. If she doesn't wish to join us, we would never force her. It will be her choice. Completely."
"And the treaty?" Billy nearly snapped.
"Of course we'll have to leave first."
Billy was silent for a long moment, obviously fuming. Carlisle could understand...there was truly nothing the man could do about this. "Is that all?"
"Yes. One of us will bring her to the border tomorrow, or to your house if you wish. I'll call you before we bring her." Jaw clenched, he hung up the phone.
Sighing, he placed his phone back into his pocket, staring at the ceiling for a moment. He knew that Billy hated them…that most of the members of his tribe did as well. They didn't trust them…those people had a long memory. Of course, they'd been hurt by other vampires, so he couldn't truly blame them. But it was still hard to know that nothing he could do would change the man's mind. But then he thought of Jacob, how the boy was always friendly to Edward, and always polite to himself. He thought of Edward's story about Sam, another descendent of the tribe's great leader, and how the boy had invited Edward onto the reservation just to see Bella, how he'd defended him against Billy. These boys didn't know it, but they would hold the authority over the treaty soon. Would they be willing to befriend his family? Would the need for a treaty go away with this generation? All because of Bella and her friendship with Jacob and the other tribe member's children?
He checked the time and realized that she was probably finished eating. Stepping out of his office and into the hallway, he found Jasper, once more on the ground, eyes closed. Feeling calmer just by standing near his son, he reached down and mussed his son's hair, laughing when he ducked away and his emotions turned amused. "She's done eating…she's still tired." Jasper informed him, leaning back against the wall once more and lifting an arm when Alice moved to sit beside him, her head going to his shoulder. Carlisle turned away from them, moving to Jasper's door, and was given permission by Edward to enter. Esme was sitting in a chair beside their bed now, her worried eyes on the girl nearly asleep against his son's side.
"Bella?" She jolted awake, even though he spoke softly, and he offered her an apologetic smile. "I'd like to give you a check up, if that's alright. It's due anyway, after your injuries, and I need to talk to you about why you're not getting enough sleep." She dropped her eyes back to the blanket and he felt a wave of guilt. He didn't want to do this to her…didn't want to make her uncomfortable or upset. He wanted her to be happy.
'If I'm going to be her father…then I have to be her father all the time.' He told himself firmly. 'I want her as a daughter, so I need to take care of her.' He had never had a human family; never had a child that needed physical care or help. Most of the problems his children suffered from were mental, and he did his best to comfort them when they needed it, and to give them space when it was required. But with Bella, she needed physical protecting and his skills as a medical doctor. So reaching out, he took her hand. "Can you come with me to my office? I'll be as quick as I can." He would start with asking. Gently suggesting.
She hesitated for a moment, and he gave her time. He had no idea how she related to her mother, or how she had to her father, but a firm parental presence in her life seemed to have been lacking. He rubbed the back of her hand while she thought for a moment, then nodded, sitting up a little. His hand moved to the back of her elbow, supporting her as she sat up, then helped her stand. Edward hovered, sitting up anxiously, and he trained his thoughts on his son. 'She'll be okay. I've got her.' He assured his son, knowing that Edward had heard his inner struggle, and knew that Carlisle saw this girl as his own, even if Bella didn't know it yet.
"I'll wait downstairs." Edward's words were loud enough for Bella to hear as he moved to her side, kissing her cheek, then left the room in front of them. Carlisle led her slowly to his study, catching her when she stumbled, her tired mind obviously still catching up.
"Are you feeling okay?" He asked, leaving the door partially open and turning on the lights, a gesture done purely to make her comfortable. He rarely turned on the lights in any of the rooms, as the windows provided plenty of light during the day and he didn't really need it at night anyway.
"I'm fine." He bit back a sigh, not wanting her to think she was angry with her. He sat down on a chair, angling it toward the sofa where he'd invited her to sit, and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
"Bella, I need you to be honest with me. Please. If there is something wrong, I need to know so that I can help. Nothing you tell me will leave this house." He assured her, wondering if she just wanted to keep it from Billy. She lowered her eyes once more, looking at the carpet. "If you like, I can ask the others to leave so that they can't hear." He offered, but she shook her head.
Standing, he went to get his medical bag, then placed it on the sofa next to her. "Alright. I'll start with a standard check up, alright? I need to feel your sides to make sure they're healing. Are you experiencing any pain in your sides or chest?" She shook her head as he gently felt along her ribs, glad to know that they felt normal.
"No. They don't hurt much anymore." He nodded, figuring that they would be sore at times.
"And your head?"
"I had a headache this morning." She spoke reluctantly and he was glad that she was at least attempting honestly.
"I believe that was from the sleep deprivation." He moved his hands to her temples and gently felt along her skull, concentrating fully on the bone he could easily feel. 'Human bones are so delicate.' He thought a little sadly as he was careful not to squeeze too tightly. When it came to dealing with humans, he always had to be careful, although it was second nature for him now. "Apart from being unable to sleep, are you having any other problems?" He asked, taking her hand and pulling out a blood pressure cuff, glancing up when she shook her head. The first thing he'd learned as a doctor was that blood was everything to humans. How quickly it moved through their veins, how much of it they had, how salty or sweet it was, how much white and red, how the cells themselves were shaped…all of these things were quite literally life or death for them. There was so little room for error with humans. So he found that he was worried as he took her blood pressure, then her temperature and her pulse. Was there something physically wrong with her that he was missing? Was he doing something wrong?
Shaking his head at himself, he made mental notes of his findings. 'I'm being paranoid. There doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with her…I sound like a new parent.' He dealt with many of those…mothers and fathers with new little infants, so terrified and confused and worried that they would lose them, and he was always careful, and self assured as he spoke to them, assuring them that he would take care of their children. And it was something he enjoyed the most…saving the lives of little children that peered at him shyly from behind their mother's legs or the toddlers that sometimes giggled when he tickled them and played happily with the toys he kept for them in his office.
To him, Bella was his new child, his fragile, wonderful, miraculous gift that he couldn't lose; that Edward couldn't lose. His family, thanks to Alice, loved her now. And that was permanent. So he had to help her.
"You're having nightmares?" He couldn't remember dreaming. His human life was such a hazy memory that it was more like a story he'd memorized than an actual part of his life, his change being the exception. He wasn't sure one could ever forget that. Still, there were times when he found the idea of sleep appealing…until he remembered nightmares. Apparently humans sometimes saw terrible visions while they slept sometimes. He would certainly want to avoid sleep if every time he closed his eyes, he saw a dead family member, or worse, a living one, and was forced to face reality anew every time he awoke.
She nodded, her lower lips slipping between her teeth, and he moved to sit beside her on the sofa, his arm going around her. "Can you tell me about them?" She sniffed, and he knew that the fact that she was still very tired was contributing to her emotional pain. But he was glad Jasper wasn't trying to calm her. She needed to feel her emotions. "You dream about Charlie?" He prompted gently, looking down at her and rubbing the side of her arm. She nodded, biting down on her lip, and he lifted a hand to her face, gently discouraging her from hurting herself.
"The night he died." She mumbled, looking down at the floor. "The accident…but sometimes he doesn't die…and when I wake up…" He sighed, kissing the top of her head as he held her tightly against him. There was something else though...she was tense and her jaw was locked as she tried to keep whatever it was locked deeply inside. He waited, feeling her hot tears soak into his shirt, his hand never faltering on her arm as he waited for her to speak. He was patient…he had to be. She could take as long as she needed. "My fault…if it wasn't for me, he'd be fine." She finally choked out, and he felt a jolt of horror in his spine, straightening and looking down at her. "It's my fault he's dead…" She whimpered into his chest as his arms went automatically around her. "I killed my father."
Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it.