Once again thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this story in some amazing reviews!

I'm curently editing chapter 16 that will be the last chapter and it's an absolute joy to add the finishing touch to this story.

But even though A Song For Cordelia may be done I've only just started on this verse. There will be two more stories to follow as far as I've mapped it out.

For those of you who have loved "Never Say Never" there will be a sequal for that one too, but it will take awhile. I have ideas of where to go with Never Say Never, but I will happily take submissions or let myself be inspireret if you can see where the story could go.

Now for chapter 13 - a chapter where Kurt stands up for himself ;-)

Enjoy

Chapter 13 - Falling Apart On A Sunday

Kurt was shivering as he walked back to his apartment. A numbness spread in his body from his spine, seeping into every crack of his soul, finding every exposed way to his heart.

Uneasiness and concern solidified to a sickness in his stomach, as Blaine's last words ran like an echo through his senses.

He had never planned for it to happen this way. He wanted closure with Benjamin first, and time to land on his feet before he could ask Blaine for anything at all. But things had happened so fast tonight and it had slipped through his fingers like sand, out of control.

I'm not yours to lose - and you're not mine to have. That's what he'd said, and he was right.

Blaine was not his.

He had been, but he wasn't anymore, and he could only begin to imagine how hard the last months must have been for Blaine. Kurt would never had been able to handle that kind of jealousy if Blaine had been engaged.

The thought alone transformed into a tight knot in his chest, pulling the darkest strings in his being. He wouldn't have lived through a day of it.

He should have been honest with Blaine from the moment he started falling for him again. He should have trusted him with the little things and the bigger things that had nagged him about the relationship with Benjamin. And more than anything - he should never have been engaged in the first place.

Kurt still shook even though the night was mild. This wasn't just about meeting Blaine and falling in love with him, this was also about the unhappiness that had stayed with him for a long time before that. Unhappiness that slowly had become a part of him until he had forgotten what it felt like to be truly happy.

Why hadn't he realized this from the start?

When had Kurt Hummel stopped being brave and stopped being true to himself and to everything he was before he left Lima?

He locked himself into the blissful darkness of the apartment, but the silence threatened to swallow him as he staggered into the bedroom and dropped down on the bed, fully clothed and shoes still on. Checking his phone every other minute didn't make it more likely that Blaine would call, but he didn't know what else to do.

He hit the smiling icon with his thumb. Blaine would have to listen to him. They could work this out, together. Make a plan that didn't rush them into anything they weren't ready for.

He got voice mail right away and disconnected the call. Apparently Blaine had turned off his phone.

The events of the night came back in painful flashes as his brain worked on overload, trying to understand. What could he had done differently? Where did he misinterpret what was going on between them?

He knew Blaine was having feelings for him too. He had seen it in his eyes for a long time, but he had also respected Blaine's right to keep those feelings to himself. They had struggled through the last couple of months on their own, and when Kurt had decided not to initiate anything it was because he had been scared of the outcome. He had been scared of losing their friendship.

He decided to text Blaine; tell him that he was basically waiting by the phone, and then just hope for the best.

Three texts later Kurt decided that Blaine probably understood the message.

He didn't sleep all night.

He wasn't panicking, or crying, or pacing the floor. He was just lying there in the darkness on his bed, waiting. As long as he abandoned the thought of Blaine turning him down forever, he would be fine.

When his phone buzzed with an incoming text around 4am his heart jumped right to his throat. But ironically enough it was from Benjamin, writing that he missed Kurt and was looking forward to coming home.

Kurt looked at the message with a blank face. He couldn't keep track of time zones in Dubai right now. His brain was too wasted for that. What was he supposed to text back? Hey baby, I can't wait to see you either, because I have something to tell you. Something that I should have told you months ago?

But with all due respect he was supposed to be sleeping now. He could wait a couple of hours before coming up with some sort of reply.

The next text came around 8 in the morning, after Kurt had been dozing off for the first time. It was from Ally:

-Hope you guys didn't overdo it last night - haha. See you later!

8.20 there was a text from Megan:

-Hi Kurt, I'm just getting a head start here. Call me if you want me to take a look at anything special. Chiao.

He tried to see straight enough to text Megan back and give her a few directions for the day. He would be useless until he had talked to Blaine and there was no way he was going to the loft now. Ally would see right through him, and he was not ready to answer her questions.

Ten minutes later Blaine finally texted him back.

Kurt was opening the message with shaky hands. It was devastatingly short:

From Blaine

-Kurt, I'll call you later today. Sorry for not picking up …

Kurt tossed his phone aside, pressing his fingers against heavy eyelids.

What was he supposed to feel now?

Was it a yes-we-need-to-talk-and-we-will-work-things-out? Or was it a I'm-letting-you-down-for-good-and-now-I-just-need- to-find-the-courage-to-tell-you?

For the first time since last night on the dance floor tears were burning behind his eyes. If it was good news, Blaine would have called him right away, wouldn't he? Blaine would have to know how much he was suffering right now. Kurt had been the one exposing his soul and his heart.

He tipped around on the bed and pulled the duvet over his head; and soon his worn out brain and his tired heart gave in to sleep, as he held the phone in the palm of his hand.

Kurt only slept for a couple of hours. It was like his body was on constant alert. He took a shower, wondering when later was exactly. Would it be in a couple of hours later, or more like late tonight?

Benjamin's flight would arrive around 6pm and then they were supposed to have a quiet evening together at the penthouse.

He had tried to plan what to say, but he came short every single time, because he couldn't predict how Benjamin would react. Had he seen it coming and just been really good at hiding it, or would it be more like a bomb hitting out of nowhere in his fairly perfect life?

The truth was that Kurt had lost touch with Benjamin just as much as Benjamin had lost touch with him.

The hours passed in silence with only a few texts from Benjamin and one from Ally. When he was just about to give up talking to Blaine before he would have to leave the apartment, his phone rang.

He picked up frantically.

"Hi Kurt." Blaine's voice was small and he sounded just about as tired as Kurt was.

Kurt sat down and tightened the grip around his phone. "Blaine … I'm so glad you called," he said relieved.

He could hear Blaine breathing, collecting himself.

"I'm so sorry I made you wait all this time. I know I should have stayed last night, so we could talk it through. But … I couldn't, Kurt. I just …. God, this is so, so hard for me."

Kurt could hear him cry on the other end of the line, and his own eyes welled up too just by the mere sound of it. "It's okay, Blaine, if we can just talk now. If you'll just listen to me for awhile, I think we'll be alright"

Blaine sighed. "I'll listen to what you have to say, but I'm not sure I'm going to change my mind."

Kurt's heart dropped to the floor. "Change your mind about what?" he whispered and closed his eyes.

"About us."

Kurt jerked up straight in the bed by those much dreaded words. "Look, you have to hear me out now, Blaine Anderson," he said determined and dried away his tears. "Because that's what you taught me, to say what I feel and tell you the things you can't possibly know before I say them out loud."

Kurt didn't even wait for permission to continue. He was going to say this whether Blaine liked it or not. "You have not been ruining my relationship with Benjamin, okay. It was shattered even before you came into my life again. If I go through with that wedding, like you suggest I do, it will end up in a divorce within a year, because Benjamin and I are not right for each other." Kurt's hands were shaking now. "And denying that you and I have feelings for each other will not make Benjamin any more right for me," he continued. "I should have ended things with him a long time ago, but not because of you. I should have been courageous enough to do it for me."

"I don't know, Kurt," Blaine said hesitant. "I just feel like I'm locking down, and I'm panicking. I can't do this. I wish we could just stay friends, but I don't know how to be your friend. I only know how to be in love with you and it doesn't feel right. If you and I are so right for each other, then why do I feel such a strong urge to run away, as fast as I can?"

"I don't know, Blaine. I just wish that you would stay and figure things out, instead of running away," Kurt pleaded.

"I'm too confused right now," Blaine then said, "and I have to at least stay away for awhile. I'll have Matt taking over for me as musical leader for the play. He will be there for rehearsals and make sure everything goes down smoothly right up until opening night. I will not be in the office either. I'll be focusing on my students. That's all I know for now."

Kurt let the tears stream down his face. This was clearly the rehearsed speech Blaine had prepared and the reason why it had taken him so long to call. "You're breaking my heart, Blaine," he said devastated.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt. I just don't think I'm the right one to mend it back together again."

With that Blaine hung up and left Kurt to the silence and the despair that he had kept at bay since last night.

He granted himself ten minutes, not more, to pull the little pieces of his being tight together again.

He couldn't break down now.

He couldn't allow himself to let the truth hit him in the gut full force until later.

He breathed in and breathed out, focusing completely on his physical being, on the things that was solid around him.

Benjamin started texting, asking him where he was.

He had to talk to Benjamin before he crashed, because he couldn't do it while falling apart over Blaine.

He forced himself up. Stumbled out to the sink in the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He was Kurt Hummel. He had faced pressure and heart ache before in his life, and he only had to survive tonight. Tomorrow he could fall apart and Monday he had to be ready for rehearsal.

Sunday would be a perfect day for heartbreak.

He changed clothes, willing his body to obey the orders he was giving it. He coiffed his hair and brushed his teeth. In many ways he looked impeccable as always, but his eyes gave him away. Benjamin would know immediately that something was wrong.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He closed the door behind him and headed for Manhattan.

Kurt was met by a smiling, tanned, Benjamin in the door, but as predicted, his smile faltered the second he took a closer look at Kurt's face.

"Kurt, are you alright?" he asked and pulled him in for a hug after closing the door behind them.

Kurt cringed. How was he supposed to get through this with a bleeding heart of his own? He pulled away from Benjamin's arms, standing on shaky legs. "No, I'm not alright, and I know I'm supposed to ask about your trip and everything, but I can't Benjamin. I have something to tell you, and I think it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done."

Benjamin stepped away and looked at him with big eyes. "You're scaring me a bit here. What is going on, honey?"

Kurt swayed on his feet and Benjamin put an arm around his shoulder. "Come let's sit down and I'll get you something to drink, and then we'll just talk. If you are in any kind of trouble, I'm sure I can help you. We'll figure things out, just you and me."

Kurt didn't have the willpower to resist so he let Benjamin lead him to kitchen and took a seat on one of the stools.

"Why don't we go sit in the couch?" Benjamin asked and side eyed Kurt warily as he fixed them something to drink.

"I prefer to sit here," Kurt stated tired and took the drink Benjamin was handing him.

Sitting opposite each other Benjamin reached out for his hand, but Kurt pulled away slowly.

"Benjamin … I cannot marry you ... because I'm in love with another man."

The words ricochetedriccochetted between the silent walls in all its simplicity and cruelty.

"What do you mean?" Benjamin asked, taken completely off guard.

"I love someone else, and I'm calling off the engagement. I'm breaking up with you." Kurt couldn't stop the tears from falling when he removed the engagement ring from his finger and put it on the table between the two of them.

Benjamin looked in disbelief on the ring and then he snapped right back to Kurt's face. "Have you been cheating on me, Kurt?"

"That depends on how you define, cheating," Kurt answered carefully.

"That was not the answer I was looking for!" Benjamin said angrily and distanced himself from Kurt.

"If the definition of cheating is kissing and having sex with someone, then no, I haven't cheated on you. But if losing my heart to someone else is cheating, then yes."

For some odd reason this seemed to calm Benjamin down a bit. "Look, Kurt, it's probably just a crush, right." He ran a frantic hand through his ruffled blond hair. "We can survive a crush, and you have been working like crazy. No wonder your guards are all down."

"Ben, you don't understand, and I don't know how to tell you, or how to make you understand." Kurt closed his eyes to ease the dizziness invading his head.

"Who is it, honey?" Benjamin asked.

Kurt couldn't deal with the endearment anymore, but he was too tired to protest. "It's Blaine," he answered flat.

"Blaine?" Benjamin repeated surprised. "Is he even gay?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

Benjamin got up now and started pacing the floor. "This is ridiculous, Kurt. I mean, it makes sense because you have been spending so much time together, but he is just … a composer for crying out loud. He can never provide for you the way I can, you should know that."

Kurt snapped his head up and shot Benjamin an angry stare. "I don't need anybody to provide for me, ever. And if that's what you think of me, then you don't know me at all!"

"Look, unless you have a major breakthrough on Broadway, which doesn't seem to happen any time soon, you can never afford to live like this. Then you might just move back to that crowded loft in Bushwick."

Kurt clenched his jaw. He would take this argument any day, at anytime. Maybe he had been dying to make this clear at some point, and now was as good a time as any. "I cannot believe you would say something like that. You're the one that needs the status and the right location. I have told you from the start that I could live anywhere. I don't need this, but you don't seem to listen."

Benjamin looked outrageous at him. "That is just so ungrateful of you. I pay most of the rent here, I make sure we are surrounded by classy things and that we go to the right parties."

"Okay, you want to go there then let's go there. I have my own apartment, where I pay all the rent. I have held onto that for so long because it makes me feel grounded, it makes me feel like Kurt Hummel. I've always been proud of who I am, and that hasn't changed. I care about style and decoration, not about high class, minimalistic furniture with no soul. The parties we attend, are the right parties for you, not for me," Kurt fired back.

"So you would prefer a poor composer, who makes a living teaching kids over the life I can give you?"

Kurt licked his lips. "Why is this about money, Benjamin?"

"Everything is about money."

"Not to me, and it had never has been."

"Then what's it about? Can you tell me that?" Benjamin asked.

Kurt forced himself to calm down again. This wasn't helping any of them. He cleared his voice. "Ben, I haven't been honest with you."

"Go figure." Ben crossed his arms.

"Blaine isn't just someone I met when he submitted a song. He is my high school sweetheart and my first love. But it was a complete coincidence that we met again the way we did."

"Your high school sweetheart?" Benjamin asked with disbelief as the pieces of the puzzle suddenly fit. "The one who broke your heart into a thousand pieces when he cheated on you?"

Kurt sighed, but met the angry grayish eyes calmly. "Yes."

"Why, Kurt? Why wouldn't you tell me, and why on earth do you want to be with him again. He obviously can't be trusted."

"I didn't tell you because you would have been madly jealous, and you would have been all over me, at all times."

"Of course I would. Wouldn't you have reacted the same way?" Benjamin asked.

Kurt tilted his head. "Maybe, but I needed to work with him. I needed to become friends with him again. The break up was so bad and we've never got the chance to have closure. I have been hurting so much for the last five years; more than I was willing to admit, and suddenly he was there. I saw it as an opportunity to heal. I never meant to fall in love with him again," Kurt explained.

"But you did."

"I did."

"So now you just need your freedom to run right back into his cheating arms."

Kurt looked down on his hands as pain shot through him again. "No, because he doesn't want me."

"Why doesn't he want you?"

"He doesn't want to be responsible for our break up. It's as simple as that."

Benjamin stopped in his tracks and sat down with begging eyes. "Kurt, then please stay with me. We can take a break. We don't have to be engaged. I can give you all the time in the world. You can keep your apartment and only hang out here whenever you feel like it. Think about it."

Kurt shook his head. "No, Benjamin, that's what you don't understand. This is not really about Blaine, it's about us; don't you see that?"

"No I don't see that, so please tell me what's so wrong about us?"

"We don't make each other happy, Ben." For the first time since Kurt arrived he dared taking Benjamin's hand. "We may pretend to a certain point, but if you have the courage to be really honest with yourself, you need something I can't give you."

"That's not true. I just need you," Benjamin objected.

Kurt pressed his lips tight together. "No. You need somebody who would love to go to Dubai with you, someone who would be thrilled to live in a penthouse and who would be really good at mingling at cocktail parties, networking for you."

All anger disappeared from Benjamin's face and for the first time Kurt saw tears in his eyes. "And what do you need, Kurt? Somebody to go to the theater with?"

Kurt sighed, grateful that Benjamin hadn't pulled away. "I need somebody who knows what's important to me. Someone who gets me, all the way through and understands where I come from. Someone who is interested in the whole package. We are both settling, Ben, don't you see that? We can never love each other the right way, the way we both need. And that is not fair, that's not living, really. I have only been half "Kurt" in this relationship and I need to be complete."

"And Blaine makes you complete?" Benjamin asked heartbroken.

"Yes, he makes me complete."

Benjamin squeezed Kurt's hand. "I don't know how to survive this," he finally admitted.

"But you will, Ben, somewhere down the road there is someone who will love you more than I do."

"How will you survive? This amazing Blaine guy crushed your heart twice, just remember that."

"I don't know how to survive either, but I've done it before," Kurt answered exhausted. "For now I'll just focus on my career. Do everything I can to sell the musical, and forget about love for a while."

They talked for most of the night, and cried once in awhile. Right before dawn Benjamin went to bed. He offered Kurt the couch, but asked him to be gone before noon.

Saturday

Matt to Ally:

Have you talked to Kurt today?

Ally to Matt:

No, should I?

Matt to Ally:

Something happened between Kurt and Blaine yesterday after you left. Blaine is coming off the hinges. I think you should check up on Kurt.

Ally to Matt:

Do you know what happened?!

Matt to Ally:

Kurt told Blaine that he loved him and that he was going to call off the engagement with Benjamin, and Blaine got scared…

Ally to Matt:

OMG! Thanks Matt. I'm on Kurt. Please take care of Blaine.

"Sam Evans."

"Hi, Sam. It's Cooper Anderson, Blaine's brother."

"Cooper, hey, what a pleasant surprise."

"I'm sorry to call you out of nowhere here. I kind of stole your number from Blaine's phone, to be honest."

"That's cool, don't worry. Is he okay?"

"No, not really I'm afraid, and that's why I'm calling. You haven't been in touch with him the last couple of days, have you?"

"We texted each other Friday afternoon, and he promised to call me back later, but he never did. Look, is it something about Kurt?"

"Yes, but I'm not completely sure what happened. They went out to celebrate that the script was finished together with Ally Friday night. At some point the boys are dancing together, probably after Ally went home, and then Kurt confessed that he was in love with Blaine, and Blaine apparently freaked out and left him there, on the dance floor. That's all I know, and that's what Blaine told me when I came home later that night. But now he won't leave his bed, he is barely eating, he won't talk to any of us, and Kurt seems to have disappeared."

"God, why do they have to make it so hard, when it could be so easy? What can I do, Cooper?"

"I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think you could come to New York as quickly as possible? I'll pay for the plane tickets and cover your expenses while you're here. I just think he needs to talk to somebody who knows him really well, and who understands the history between them."

"Of course I'll come, but you better not warn him about it, then he'll just try and put up a good act, and I need him to be honest if this is going to work."

"Sam, I don't know how to thank you. It's been so hard not to know how to help him."

"Sure thing. Maybe you can book a flight around midnight, then I can be in New York early in the morning."

"I'll do it right away, and I'll be there to pick you up at the airport, so don't worry about transportation."

"Great, you can just throw me a text then."

When Cooper hung up again he felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

Cooper to Ally

-Sam is coming in early in the morning to talk to Blaine. How is Kurt doing?

Ally to Cooper

-He has told me to stay away and won't open the door. I think I'll team up with Santana, she has a spare key to his apartment.

Cooper to Ally

-Will you let me know how he is later? I'll keep you posted on Blaine.

Ally to Cooper

-Sure thing, and thank you ;-)

Ally to Santana

-Santana, emergency meeting, about Kurt and Blaine, ASAP!

Santana to Ally

-Here we go! Where?

Ally to Santana

-Hard Rock Café – in an hour?

Santana to Ally

-Hour and a half?

Ally to Santana

-THANK YOU!

As always, please review and then I'll see you Wednesday. :-)

Love Melissa