a/n:
Hey guys! SO HERE'S ANOTHER CHAPTER!
SHIT GOES DOOOWWWNNNN.
Another song too, "All The Pretty Little Ponies," by: Kenny Loggins, "Turn to Stone," by: Ingrid Michelson and "9 Crimes," by: Damien Rice
Hope you enjoy!
Annie's POV again- I will indicate when it's Finnick's, but usually I'll start with Annie.
Chapter 13
It had been two months since I first came to the music shop. Two months since I was saved by music. Two months since my last words I had ever spoken.
You promised.
Those words would resound in my head every time I would try and sleep. His eyes followed me wherever I went. Whenever I saw the same color blue, or something similar, I would have to close my eyes so I wouldn't faint from the sudden rush of his eyes boring into mine.
I had finally gotten passed the depressed stage of loss, and was into the anger one. My new therapist said there were 5 steps, but they didn't seem like "steps" to me. More like waves of emotion that hit me a like a tsunami.
The worst part was, no one had even died. I had lost someone, because they chose to leave me.
I couldn't live myself.
I kept asking myself what was wrong with me. Why did EVERYONE have to leave?
One night, I looked outside to the see the ocean, and his eyes came before mine, the ones that were bloodshot and crazed with drugs, and I was filled with anger.
I screamed and hit my wall, leaving a dent in the painted wood. My eyes filled with tears of rage and I continued to hit the wall until my mother came running in. I collapsed into her arms in fits of tears and rage.
She would sing to me, so I could sleep without hearing the voices of my past in my head. It was a song that she used to sing with my father when I was a baby. She would play the guitar and he would sing to me.
It was the most calming experience that I had ever felt.
Her voice was smooth and in-tune, but it wasn't the same as when my dad used to sing it. His voice would reverberate off the walls, and engulfed me until I had drifted off to sleep.
Whenever she would play that song, her voice was always replaced by his in my mind.
I missed my daddy. He had been lost out at sea when I was eight years old. Everyday I would come home, hoping with all of my heart that they would have found him and he would be standing there with open arms and swing me like he used to.
Sometimes, I would still have hope that he would come home. But in my heart, I knew he was gone.
In the two months that I had been at the music store, which I grew to know as Lisa's, since the name of it was "Lisa's Music and Lyrics," I had become a regular. I noticed how some people would even come during certain times to hear me play.
Luckily, no one else seemed to want, or dare, try to take the instrument away from me. I felt slightly guilty, but upon expressing my worry to Rose, she reassured me that even if someone stepped up, she wouldn't let them play anyway.
"This is your medicine, hon. It's better then any pills they could give you."
Since I still wasn't speaking, my mother had put her foot down and taken me to a therapist. She seemed nice enough; she just didn't seem to understand me too well. She kept saying generic sayings such as, "How does that make you feel?" and stuff like that. I think that she was also a bit frustrated that she couldn't get anything out of me.
My real therapy was the music that I would play everyday for exactly three hours each day, no more no less.
I had grown closer to Gabriel, who still wore a black scrap of fabric around his arm for his late fiancée. We had begun to walk together on our way home, since it was in the same direction.
He understood me, even without my lack verbal communication. I felt safe around him. He made me smile with his quirkiness.
One day, I was playing a tough piece called, "Turned to Stone," when I happened to look out the window, trying to go for a dramatic effect for my listeners. There was a quant little restaurant across from the music store, and I looked in the window to see if it could be a place where I might want to stop by for lunch before I came to the store.
I squinted to see better, and my heart stopped.
All I could see were blue eyes deep as the waters outside my bedroom window, staring at me.
I couldn't breathe.
He was watching me. He was close.
His eyes flashed before me as they always did, but this time, I heard things too. I heard his laugh, and saw how his forehead crinkled when he smiled.
I heard him whisper in my ear, "I love you."
I heard him say, "You're gone, Annie."
I flinched at the last one, and opened my eyes.
Everyone was staring at me with their eyes wide open in shock. It was the first time I had ever stopped playing in the middle of a song.
I looked away from them, and back to the window, looking for those perfect eyes again. They were gone. I sat there like that for the rest of my three hours, just looking for something that I would never see and having my disturbing memories haunt me.
All of demons were there to follow me. This time, it wasn't eyes. It was full-out people.
My friends, staring at me with utter hatred in their eyes.
The Career, my knife sticking out of his neck.
Max, his dead eyes looking at me for the help I never gave.
My mother's voice, screaming my name when she found me in the bathtub.
And Finnick.
Always Finnick.
I would see different versions of him. The person who I first met. The one I fell in love with at camp that one summer. The one that promised to never leave me. The one that kissed me good night when I was driven insane. The one who left. The one who watched.
My shoulder was shaken, and I jumped two feet in the air, shocked out of my daydreams. Gabriel was standing there and he said gently, "It's time to go home, Annie. Want to walk together?"
I nodded and waved goodbye to Rose, who was looking concerned as we walked out of the Lisa's Music and Lyrics. Gabe and I walked in silence for a while, until he said, "Do you want to talk about it?" holding up a pencil and paper I guessed that he had stolen from the store.
I shook my head and just kicked rocks on the sidewalk. When we were just outside of my house, he stopped me from going inside and suggested that we go sit on the beach for a while until I could be better. I agreed.
We sat far away from the water. He had wanted to go closer, but as soon as we touched the beach I knew I had to stop to prevent any other flashbacks from happening. I didn't want to have anymore that day.
We sat where the sand began and the road ended.
After a few minutes of quiet, he spoke, "I really miss her, Annie."
I nodded and moved closer to him, trying to offer some form of comfort without saying anything. He smiled a little, and moved closer to me as well.
"You know, you remind me of her. It's scary, how much you too are alike."
Then, he suddenly turned towards, leaned down, and kissed me. Right on the lips.
I was so stunned I even started to kiss him back. But then I realized who's lips I wished was there instead of his.
I pulled back, stood up and mouthed, "No," trying to push my words out of my head, and into my mouth so he could hear me. He nodded calmly, and turned back towards the ocean, as if that's what he had expected from me.
"Who is he?"
I looked across the ocean again, at the shimmers in the water that we used to try and clasp in our fingers. I looked at the color. And I opened my mouth and spoke.
"Finnick."
His name tumbled out of my mouth and washed away with the wind that carried away the sound out to the ocean.
I took a step back in surprise. I talked. I just… spoke. It came so natural. His name was meant to be said by me. My voice sounds hoarse, but relatively good for not using it for two months.
He raised his eyebrows in surprise at my voice, but he still didn't turn towards me.
I bent back down and said, "You're… going to find someone… Gabe."
He shook his head and I saw tears begin to roll down his face as he stared off into the distance. I could tell that he needed to be alone, for there was nothing I could do by staying. I walked slowly back to my house, trying to avoid anymore possibly conversations with anyone, especially my mother.
I looked both ways to cross the street, when my feet stopped in their tracks.
Green eyes met blue, and my world crashed down, just by the expression on his face.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Finnick's POV:
It was all my fault. She's gone. I had lost her.
I was reduced to watching her from afar, and everyday, as her and that… man walked home everyday, I followed them, making sure that everything was okay.
She had become my everything, my everyday activity. I know it sounds so creepy, but it was true.
Today, though, was different then the other days.
She had seen me. She had seen me watching.
I had been admiring how her hands flew across the keys with such grace and elegance, when they abruptly stopped. I had never seen her do that before, for the song was obviously not over yet.
I looked up, and I saw her beautiful eyes staring into mine. I was frozen, unsure of what to do until she looked away, and I ran out the back door of the restaurant.
Then I began to walk home, very slowly, but when I turned around one more time, I saw the door of Lisa's Music and Lyrics open, and I jumped off to the side into someone's backyard.
I watched them as they walked down the street, and right as they were about to go into her house, they walked down to the beach. I ran behind everyone's houses on that block and went up to the corner so I could see them better.
Then, he leaned down and kissed her.
My heart stopped.
He kissed Annie. My Annie. But she wasn't mine anymore to stop.
I stared at them, as they kissed and then Annie stood up as if to go back to her house.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to leave.
But I couldn't leave her. Not again.
And so I waited. I waited to make sure that she got into the house, and then… and then maybe I could just stop seeing her everyday. Maybe I could… do something else with my life.
Maybe go off to sea, and never come back again.
She was about to walk across the street, and I shifted a little bit off the corner behind a tree and onto the sidewalk because of the slow drip of rain water falling off of the leaves above my head.
I looked at her; to make sure she wouldn't get hurt and then she saw me.
Her stunning green eyes met mine, and I wanted to run over to her, take her into my arms, and never let her go. Ever again.
But I could not. I had lost her. She was not mine to hold anymore. She was not mine to love anymore.
All I wanted to do though, was express to her how… devastatingly sorry I was. If I didn't, I would not be able to live with myself. Also to tell her that she needed to be happy, even if she wasn't with me. I wanted to see her smile again, even if I had to see it from afar.
So I began to slowly walk towards her. With every step, I wanted to turn back, to keep watching her from afar, to keep hoping that she would forgive me and I could take her back into my arms, but I knew I had to have some closure to this, so I could make her forget about me. So she could be happy again.
Once I got within 40 feet of her, she turned away from me, and ran from the way she came. I stopped, and stood in shock. She didn't want to even talk to me. She was that disgusted with me.
I stood there for a moment, shocked. But then, I decided that she would need me, and so I ran after her. As I ran, I looked back one more time to see that guy that she had been kissing. He was walking towards the ocean with his head down.
I turned back to try and find her, but she was nowhere to be found. I stopped at the small intersection and looked around. The sun was coming down over the ocean water, and I looked up and down the street. There was no one around, a completely barren array of houses.
I frantically looked around again, and then realized where she must have gone. To the only place where she finds comfort. Lisa's Music and Lyrics.
I sprinted with all of my might to the store, hoping to catch a piece of her music so I could understand how she was feeling.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Annie's POV:
I couldn't bear with my guilt. I couldn't hear him say what he was going to.
I knew what he would say. He had always told me he wanted me to be happy. I didn't want to hear him say that he would let me go. I didn't want to let go of him. Not yet. Not ever.
It was so good to finally realize that. No matter how many times I could be haunted by my memories of him, I finally understood that my memories of him were keeping me sane and alive.
It's hard to explain, how I felt in that moment. How it is to be afraid of something, but also to not be able to live without it. I was afraid, of course, to get hurt again. But I knew that I would not be able to speak and live if he wasn't right by my side.
I didn't want to lose him.
But, remembering the kiss with Gabriel, I may already have.
I went to the only place I knew where I could truly express my feelings, in ways that only he could understand. With my music.
So I sprinted as fast as I possibly could to get to the music store and prayed that he would follow me. I took off through the short cut through the forest, so I could get there before he did.
Rose had given me a key to the store, just in case I needed to be there when it was closed. She was amazing.
I burst through the back door, and ran to the sheet music, frantically pulling apart piece by piece until I found the perfect one. It was one that I had played before, but could not say the words, so the real feeling was lost on me.
But now, I knew that I could say the words. I had to sing to him. He needed to understand.
I opened all of the windows wide open so he could hear me. I noticed the sun was setting on the beautiful waters and the orange sun shone right onto the piano, making it glow in its beauty.
I sat down, waited a few minutes, just to make sure he was there. I thought I heard a little rustle in the bushes right outside of the door, but trained my eyes away, so I couldn't see him until I was finished.
When I was sure that he was listening, I began to play. The notes were simple and melancholy, perfect for what I was feeling. Right as the lyrics were about to come in, I took a deep breath, and began to sing.
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
My voice was soft and lofty, wafting up to the ceiling and out of the window. Luckily, I had time to clear it before I sang, so my voice wasn't too raspy. I closed my eyes, already having memorized the notes, and let my feelings pour into the lyrics.
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
When I jumped into the chorus, I had begun to cry, my tears trailing silent down my cheeks and onto my hands, who were moving across the keys to make the notes that would tell him how much that I still loved him.
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it?
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright,
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
No...
My voice trailed off on the last note, and I finished the last couple of measures, letting the last note linger in the air.
I heard a light thud behind me and I opened my eyes to be met by the sapphire ones I had so longed to see up close and in person for the past two months. I noticed the way they sparkled, but the next thing I noticed was the tears that were making them shine.
My face softened into a small smile and I reached up to wipe them away. He grabbed my hand and held it to his face, never taking his eyes away from me.
He then collapsed to the ground on his knees, still holding onto my hand, and whispered, "Annie, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry…" over and over again, crying. I got down onto my knees too, right next to the piano bench.
"Sshh…" I murmured, and began to cry too.
We sat there for awhile, his head in my hand, just crying, saying all that was needed to be said through our tears. The red sun was shining through, and glinted off of his hair, making it shine like it used to.
He looked up at me, trying to hold back his tears, and pulled my hair behind my hair, just like he used to. That was when I collapsed into his arms, sobbing with all of my might. All of my pain of him leaving me, all of those days of being silent, I let out into his chest.
He kissed my hair and held me until I had calmed down enough to speak.
"I… I'm sorry too… about the… with Gabriel…"
He shook his head, pulled my head back to the crook of his neck, where it fit perfectly and whispered comforts to me until we were enveloped in the oncoming darkness.
I sniffled, and pulled away. I smiled at him, my first genuine smile in months. I had missed him. I looked at him for a moment, the dying sun glinting in his eyes. He looked beautiful. On a whim, I leaned towards him, and kissed him.
He seemed almost surprised, but immediately kissing me back. I put all of my emotion into that kiss, so of course, it lasted for a bit longer than intended.
We pulled away and we just smiled at each other, taking in everything.
And for the first time in so long, I knew that everything would be all right.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Imma be honest here when I say that I cried when they got back together. Not even kidding.
SO SORRY BUT I FORGOT TO UPLOAD THE LAST CHAPTER IMMEDIATELY AFTER I WROTE IT. I DID IT EARLIER I SWWEEAARRR. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE WAIT.
So, I'll upload it tonight, wait to see if I get reviews, and then I'll reply to them beloowwww. YAY EXCITEMENT IS EXCITING.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU F-ING LOOKED UP THE SONGS. IF NOT, I WILL MURDER YOU VIRTUALLY, MEANING ALL I CAN DO IT YELL AT YOU VIA CAPS LOCK. RAWR.
I would also like to point out that when I clicked the side button on youtube for Ask Answers with the topic of how much of a good kisser you are (I was curious, okay?), it was under "family health." …What?
SO ANYWAYS! I WAS A NICE PERSON AND UPLOADED IT FAST BECAUSE TOMORROW I AM LEAVING FOR THE CARRIBEAN! YAAAYYY!
Automatic Reviews! SEE GUYS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU REVIEW! YOU GET REWARDED WITH FASTER UPLOADS!
emmathefart: daaammmnnn gurl. You reviewed 20 minutes after I uploaded. I think that's a record. Yeah, she crazy, so she couldn't talk. Yeah, well. Gabe was way too upset with grief, they weren't meant to be. And I AM SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADDIINNGGGG. And hmmm… who to cast for Finnick… tough question. I'll think about it, and then get back to you.
OPEN QUESTION FOR ALL: WHO WOULD YOU CAST AS FINNICK? PLEASE TELL.
Laughingismyhobbie: I love your name . Yeah, I mean, they can't always be happy. People are drawn into their sadness as well, not just their love story. And thank you, it means a lot
Adorablore: Also, great name! Wow, you guys are awesome! And I'm glad I sparked some emotion in you! I try! Thanks so much XD
WELL THAT'S IT Y'ALL. TIME TO UPLOAD WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL. AAAHHHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR REVIEWS! I HOEP YOU ENJOY! AND REVIEW. SERIOUSLY.