(Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin)

(Dazed and Confused – Led Zeppelin)

Sam was surprised when Dean called him up and wanted to make amends. To team up again. Because while they were each others weaknesses, they were also each others strength. Or so Dean had said.

It wasn't hard to say yes. Sam wasn't sure what he was going to do if Dean hadn't called him back. He'd been convinced Dean wouldn't call, because he couldn't be trusted. Sam honestly wouldn't have blamed his brother for never calling him again. He wouldn't have blamed Dean for never picking up like Loki never did.

And for what he'd done -starting the Apocalypse- he was the guilty one. He was the one that burned Lilith from the inside. If Sam had any clue that killing Lilith would bring Lucifer into the world, Sam would have gutted Ruby with her own knife when he met her. But in the end, with all the choices he'd had, he'd been the one to break Lucifer out of Hell. He had to be the one to put him back. Sam didn't know how he was going to do it, but he'd started to look. He couldn't work at the bar anymore, so he started looking for a way to stuff Lucifer back into his cage. Sam wasn't sure if Dean could really trust him again -being a vampire and all- but if Dean was willing to try, Sam was willing to try his hardest to stay clean.

Though riding with Dean again, after months of being on his own, Sam could tell something was different. He had not come back expecting to see more of Castiel. And Castiel had ballooned in the time Sam had last seen him. There had been just baby fat there before Sam left, but now there was actually a roundish belly and Sam stared; a lot. He couldn't help it, it was like seeing a two headed fish. He supposed, yes, sea horses and pipefish were typically the only pregnant male creatures known. Then again, Sam had to remind himself that it was Castiel that was pregnant, not Jimmy. If Sam had to guess, by comparison to humans, his stomach only looked 4 or 5 months pregnant.

Sam rode shotgun with Dean, settling back into the habit of cases as a team. Castiel popped into the back seat when ever he pleased. He was there for a least an hour everyday to check up on them. Castiel had welcomed Sam back politely, and then most of his attention was back on Dean. Sam would watch them simply interact. The usual pattern was casual; friendly even. Dean asked if there was any luck finding God. Castiel would say no. Dean would give a mixed nod of slight sympathy and 'I figured as much'. Then Dean would ask if he wanted to listen to some music. Castiel would say yes.

Sam wasn't sure what had changed. But Dean seemed more at ease. Even though Lucifer was walking the earth. Castiel and Dean seemed at ease around one another. Calmer. Sam couldn't remember the last time Dean had really smiled. Sam had caught it once, while Castiel was in the back and his eyes were closed to the opening flutes of Stairway to Heaven. Dean was looking in the rear view mirror occasionally and the smile just eased the stress from his face.

Sam had to look away because he wasn't sure if he was allowed to even think that his brother had a thing for a pregnant angel. Or Castiel in general. Instead, Sam looked out the window as the world passed by. He couldn't help thinking of all of his mistakes up to then. All the terrible choices he'd made after Dean was killed.

Most of those bad choices circled around Ruby. And Loki.

After Dean died, Loki came back to him. Loki, the trickster. They had been sleeping together for a year before then, after he met the janitor in Crawford Hall. It was just sex. At least it was until that stupid worm-hole and the hundred Tuesdays Sam had suffered through. After that, he didn't see Loki until after Dean's death. Loki had been at his door step, not offering sex, but companionship. Sam didn't want it of course. But Loki stayed, even after threats -and attempts- of being stabbed.

And there was something there, something he only remembered with Jess. Something comfortable but surreal. And it was with a man, a trickster. It scared him. It scared him because Dean was gone, and he shouldn't have been happy when Loki grinned at him and stayed. And Sam wanted to stay there but at the same time his mind told him it was wrong. Because this trickster had torn Dean away from him a hundred and one times more than he could bare but he couldn't stay mad at him, even though he was so angry with himself.

And then there was Ruby, who came along and offered to help him hunt Lilith. He said no first of course. But then it haunted him. He could finally kill Lilith. The last thing he and Dean had set out to do. And yeah, he should have listened to Ruby before, on several occasions. And then Dean could have been alive. Several people including Henricksen and the people at the police station may have lived. So... he went with her. Abandoned Loki's companionship for Ruby's revenge. Sam felt like he was DOING something about it then. He was avenging Dean. It let him channel all of his anger and uselessness into something. A goal.

Sam winced when he thought about how he'd ended it with Loki. He'd thrown everything back in the Trickster's face. After all, he didn't ask for Loki to baby him. He didn't ask for Loki's companionship. Or love.

Hindsight told him he was wrong. If he'd... been smarter, he would have made better choices. And okay, Dean would have been pissed at him for being with a trickster after his inevitable resurrection, but at least he wouldn't have started the Apocalypse. And Loki would give him that smile again...

"Oi," Dean said louder and Sam looked over at Dean. They were driving through a town. "You wanna get the gas or food?"

"Gas," Sam replied as Dean took a turn into the gas station. Castiel watched the process of Dean pulling up to the pump and sliding out from the car. Sam wondered if it was his imagination or if Dean had really winked at Castiel.

"I think you need to try a twinkie," Dean said to Castiel before he shut the door and head inside. Castiel raised his brows, watching Dean stretch his legs and arms as he walked inside the station.

"It's just a sort of sponge cake," Sam explained to the confused looking angel as he got out to pump the gas. He swiped the credit card of someone named Ed Miller and slid the nozzle into the gas hole. The smell of petroleum and the gulping of the Impala did not ease his mind. Sam leaned against the car and got out his cell phone. He again looked at the contact "L", the one that never answered him. The endless ringing drove him a bit insane. Sometimes he'd even dream of the waiting and the buzz on the other side of the line. If Loki would just pick up. If he could just get 5 minutes...

Sam pressed the send button and held the phone up to his ear. It rang. And it rang. And it never did go to voice mail. But he didn't hang up. Not until the Impala's 20 gallon tank was full and the phone had rung over a hundred times. Sam sighed and slowly pressed the end button. He didn't know why he still tried.

"Who were you attempting to reach?" Castiel asked as Sam got back into the car; the pump was put away. The Impala was all filled up and Dean could be seen in line in the convenience store.

"Oh..." Sam shifted uncomfortably, hands in his pockets. "No one. Well... no one that will answer." Castiel just nodded, hands folded over his stomach as he sat up straight in the back seat. "How's the new angel doing?"

"He's stabilized." Castiel looked down, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side. It was sort of winsome, because Castiel got an endearing look on his face when ever it was brought up now. He wasn't as indifferent about his severance as he was when it was first brought up. "I think everything is well."

"You think?" Sam eyed him and Castiel paused, fingers drumming on the top of the belly.

"This is my first severance." Castiel folded his hands again. "I presumed all of my grace would be gone by now."

"Huh." Sam waited for more but that's when Dean came back with plastic bag full of goods and he slid into the drivers seat.

"Baby's all filled up?" Dean asked and Sam nodded as Dean turned the key. Before they drove off, Dean dug out a Twinkie package and tossed it to Castiel, who caught it with swift movement. "I know you don't eat, but damn it, try one." Sam smiled as Castiel unwrapped the twin pack with careful, curious movements. Dean started driving and watched Castiel's face in the mirror. Castiel took a tentative bite and chewed, a look of confusion mixed into his face. Dean gave an amused laugh.

"It's... oddly textured and sweet." Castiel observed and declined another bite, holding it over the front seat. Dean shrugged and took Castiel's already bitten piece, chewing it with gusto.

"Your loss." Dean shrugged and waved the other twinkie towards Sam, the untouched one. "Sammy?"

Loki liked Twinkies, Sam remembered; cakes and sweets. "No thanks, all yours." Sam watched Dean tuck the other Twinkie in his pocket and grumbled something about no one having any taste for good snacks. Sam went back to looking out the window when Dean told Castiel to pick the next song; Dazed and Confused guided their way down the road. Sam decided to try calling again when they got to a motel.