A/N: I am so exhausted that I could literally sleep standing up. Nevertheless, I have battled through and produced some semblance of a chapter. I hope you like it and if you do, let me know.

Thanks for your comments and support as ever.

Italics denote a flash forward. The normal font is set in the 'present'.

Enjoy

The Cutlass has finally packed up, so Alex has to take two buses in order to visit her mother.

It's bitter cold out and the first bus, which forms the shorter part of the journey, is bearable, but on the second, there's no heating and so Alex is sat shivering for half an hour, blowing into her hands to try and generate some warmth.

By the time she reaches Diane's apartment door, the chill has set into her bones and she's feeling tired and cranky. But she's promised herself she'll be on best daughter behaviour.

Her mother, as ever, is overjoyed to see her and acts as though Alex is a wounded soldier returning from battle in a faraway land. She pulls her into a tight embrace; she smells of laundry detergent and lavender; of home.

'You too busy for your mom now?' she says, lightly admonishing Alex for failing to return her calls. She walks into the tiny kitchen and lays out two plates onto the countertop. The smell of food immediately hit's Alex's stomach hard; reminding her that she's skipped lunch today.

'No, of course not, you know how things get…' she shrugs, hoping it's enough of explanation that Diane doesn't take it personally, but vague enough that she doesn't ask too many questions.

She dishes up a steaming mound of mac and cheese onto each plate, looking decidedly unconvinced by Alex's explanation. 'So you gonna tell me what's really going on?'

'Huh?' Alex replies, feigning ignorance.

Diane rolls her eyes, 'Well something is clearly up, you've been acting strange for the last month or two'

'Strange?'

'Ok, stranger then'

'Oh gee, thanks mom' Alex laughs, taking her plate into the living room and trying to get comfortable on the lumpy couch.

'So?' Diane says, sitting down next to her and seeking out further explanation.

'It's nothing mom….' She lies. Suddenly the food no longer seems very appetising and she remembers why she is always so reluctant to visit.

'Promise?' she says, staring directly into Alex's eyes and trapping her.

Alex is incapable of lying to her when she does this. She's confessed to many things over the years in this manner: cutting class, smoking pot and stealing liquor out of the kitchen cabinet.

'Fine' she sighs, 'I met a girl'.

Diane immediately stops eating and places her fork back on to the plate. 'Oh wow, that's great baby', she says excitedly, but then she spots Alex's slightly dejected expression and reigns in her enthusiasm. 'Isn't it?'

'Errrmmm….' Alex drops her gaze to the floor. 'It's complicated', she replies, taking a mouthful of her food, but tasting nothing.

'How?'

'She's…..engaged to someone else'. The sentence makes her acutely aware that she has become the worst kind of cliché.

Diane's eyes are wide in disbelief, 'Oh Al honey, please tell me you're joking?'

'No mom, I'm not joking'. If this is a gag, then someone has clearly failed to fill Alex in on the punch line.

Diane is silent for a moment, her mind processing the information, deciding what is safe to ask next. 'So what's the endgame here, she's going to leave her fiancé right? I mean she has to surely?'

Alex knows what she's hoping for, an emphatic yes, details of future plans, but she doesn't have this information, just a vague notion that New Year is going to be make or break. So instead, she just nods, but it lacks conviction. She doesn't know whether it's because she's tired, or that she genuinely doesn't know whether it's going to happen. If deep down, she doesn't trust that Piper has the bottle to ostracize herself from her comfortable existing life and walk into a world of beat up Cutlass's, draughty apartments and dingy bars. She's said all the right things, repeatedly, of course she has, but Alex has always learnt the hard way, that talk is cheap and she's hoping that this isn't going to be another lesson.

'You don't seem that sure honey' Diane continues, picking up her fork and twisting it between her thumb and forefinger. 'Is she stringing you along?'.

Alex shakes her head, 'like I said, it's complicated'. She pauses, staring down at her plate, she's making excuses for Piper, so that the situation seem less fucked up than it is, but mainly, to stop her mother staring at her in that manner; emerald eyes, overflowing with pity.

'But you really like her?'

Alex nods.

'And she's serious about you right?'

'Yes' she says, more confidently than she feels.

'Well does she make you happy?'

'Jeez mom, can we drop it please?!' she snaps, immediately regretting the harshness of her tone. 'I'm sorry, it's just that…'

'You're scared'

Maybe there is something in this mother's intuition thing after all.

'I dunno…I just want it to all be ok, does that sound stupid?' She feels like she's eight again, having fallen over and grazed her knee, needing her mom to patch up her wounds; except this time, a band-aid isn't going to suffice.

'No of course it doesn't, but you need to be careful Al, i'm worried you're going to get hurt. Don't let anyone take you for a ride baby, you're worth so much more than that'.

Alex has to resist the urge to laugh. She's in so deep that if it all goes wrong, there's only one option: drowning.

'It'll be ok' she replies. Of course it will, this is Piper.

'So what's she like then, this girl that's got you in this state?' she asks a little suspiciously.

She pauses, remembering Piper's goofy smile, the way her eyelashes flutter slightly when she's sleeping, the softness of her lips; the way every little part of her makes Alex feel.

'Perfect chaos mom' she replies grinning. 'Perfect chaos'.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

'Why don't I just loan you the money?' Piper says, examining a limp piece of lettuce.

They're eating burgers and fries at a place that looks like it's perpetually covered in a film of grease and smells of burnt onions. But it makes the best quarter pounder with cheese that Alex has ever tasted, so she comes here, a lot. Piper on the other hand, is not keen. Obviously this isn't a surprise to Alex, but it's kinda cute that Piper plays along all the same.

The day has been a storm cloud of crap. The t-shirt money has still not come through, even though Alex has chased the retailer twice today and so the goddamn Cutlass is still sitting in a useless heap on the street and now, to make matters worse, Piper is offering to bail her out.

Alex knows she's just trying to be helpful, but really, all it's doing is making her feel even worse; like Piper doesn't trust her to get herself out of this mess. She may have a point, but Alex doesn't want to dwell on that, not at this precise moment. She just wants to eat her burger and fries, drink her coke float and go home and fuck.

'Al, are you listening?'

'Yea, i'm listening' she replies, taking a sip of her drink and making childish slurping noises with it.

Piper rolls her eyes. 'The kids over there are better behaved than you' she says, pointing at a table in the far corner.

Alex shrugs, which she knows will infuriate Piper further, but she's in the mood for mischief.

'You finished?' she asks, looking at Piper's virtually untouched food.

'I guess so' she replies, pushing the plate away.

'Great, let's head back then, burn some of these calories off' she grins.

Piper shakes her head. 'Nope, not until you answer my question'.

Alex sighs, knowing full well where the conversation is going and she doesn't like it one little bit.

'I'm tired Pipes, can't we just go home?'

'Tired? A minute ago you were trying to drag me home for sex!'

'Well there are different levels of tired' she smirks.

'Honestly Alex, you really need to start prioritising'

'Ok fine, i'll remind you of that next time I'm giving you multiple orgasms and you're fingernails are leaving marks on my….'

'…Al!' she hisses, 'can you keep your voice down please, what if someone overhears us?'

'Then they would think how lucky you were and wonder what the fuck you were doing still sitting here and not heading home to take me up on my offer'.

Piper shakes her head in frustration. Alex is hoping to get her to the point that she is so fed up, she gives up and drops the subject altogether. Sometimes it works, but judging by the look on Piper's face, today, Alex is not going to be that lucky.

'It's just a loan, why are you not even giving it some consideration? How much longer can you do without your car? Proper heating?'

Alex stares out of the window glumly, watching two kids chase after each other, giggly and breathless. She tries to remember the last time she laughed like that: whole-hearted and carefree. Maybe she never has and that fucks her off some more. She needs a cigarette, a drink and some sex: preferably in that order. But the way Piper is going on, only first two are going to be possible this evening.

'Alex? Can you at least look at me?!' she says, her voice becoming shakier as her frustration rises.

'Look, I don't want your money, so leave it, ok?' Or the pity she wants to add, but can't bring herself to say, because that what she resents the most, being thought of as some sort of charity case. She was managing her life before she met Piper and so she can sure as hell cope now.

Piper purses her lips, emphasising her waspishness and making her dissatisfaction more evident as a result.

'Don't look at me like that' Alex says, wishing they had gone to a bar instead. Booze would dull this to a manageable level, all the coke float has done is given her a sugar rush; heightening her senses and now she feels real fucking horny, except Piper is not playing ball.

'Alex' she says softly, switching tactics, but Alex is no rookie, she's not going to fall for that.

Piper's hand is on Alex's thigh now, making soft lingering trails further and further upwards with each stroke. She's skipped Mrs Nice Guy and gone straight for the jugular, using Alex's libido against her. It's a genius move and in any other circumstance, she would be doffing her hat to her, but not today, not when she's sick of being reminded about what a complete failure her life is, when her 'sort of' girlfriend is offering to loan her cash just so she can carry on functioning like a normal human being. So she grabs Piper's wrist firmly and stops her in her tracks.

'Leave it Piper' she says bluntly, her gaze hard.

'You know what, fine, freeze to fucking death, see if I care' she replies eyes narrowed, hurriedly snatching her bag up.

Alex groans. This was precisely what she wanted to avoid: more fucking drama.

'Piper, don't be stupid, I just don't want to talk about this right now ok? And I don't want your money, why is it so hard for you to understand that?' She feels so fucking exhausted, always battling something; Life, Piper…herself.

'It's your goddamn pride, that's all that's stopping you'.

Alex wishes it was that simple, but it really isn't. Yes, pride is part of it, but if Piper is going to leave Larry for her, she wants her to know she can deal with this stuff: her finances, her business- all of it. And she knows that she can, of course she can, she just needs to catch a break, that's all and for Piper to understand that.

'I can handle it Pipes'

'You've been saying that for weeks Al' her voice is gentler now, her eyes warm. 'You don't get it do you? I'm not offering to do this because I don't think you can manage or because I feel sorry for you, it's because I'm in love with you, even though your being a major idiot right now…..and you've bought me to a place where I'm pretty sure the food hygiene people are too afraid to visit'. She's grinning now, an equivalent of waving a white flag. 'Wouldn't you do the same for me if I needed a little help?'

Alex sighs, she's got her over a barrel and she looks so fucking sincere that it's almost painful. Doleful, big blue eyes, trying to make things better, tugging at Alex's innermost core in that way that only Piper can; the place that she's crept into, without seeking permission, the place in which she now resides: immovable.

'Fine' Alex replies, conceding defeat, 'but I'll pay you back. Soon.'

'Oh absolutely' Piper replies smiling 'and with interest'

'Interest?' Alex replies confused.

'Yup, you can start paying that off as soon as we get back to your apartment' Piper says grinning.

Fucking WASP. She's got a killer sting.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

'Hey Al, there's someone here to see you' Mia says interrupting her paperwork.

'Who is it?' Alex replies, not bothering to look up from her desk.

Mia shrugs.

'Tell me what it is I pay you for again?'

'To remind you that you used to be young once?'

'Har fucking har. Can you at least find out their name?' Alex says, frustrated at the interruption.

Mia twirls a ringlet of hair around her finger. 'She's hot, if that helps'

'No, it doesn't fucking help' Alex replies, finally averting her gaze from the papers in front of her.

'Really? Oh yea, now that you have a little lady and everything, I don't suppose you're allowed to buy anything at the candy store any more are you?'

'Can you just find out who it is and quit being a moron, if it's not important, they can come back, I'm right in the middle of sorting out this invoice, it's all wrong'

'It's pretty important' a voice says from behind Mia. It's Polly.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

She's only just arrived and she already looks unbelievably smug. It could be because the roof is still leaking and the bucket of gathering rain water looks sad and lives up to her expectations of Alex.

'You can go Mia' Alex says, ushering her out with her hand.

'Oh, but something is telling me that I really should stay' Mia grins, sensing drama afoot.

'Just get out will you?' Alex replies, in no mood for her bullshit.

'Wow and I thought it was just Piper's friends you were rude to, I didn't realise it extended to people in general' Polly says taking a seat without even bothering to be asked.

'So to what do I owe this pleasure?' Alex asks, sarcasm thick.

Polly's glancing around the room, taking in each and every shitty detail, no doubt committing it to memory so that she stick the knife in some more, next time she speaks to Piper.

'We need to talk about Pipes'.

Alex laughs 'let me guess, you want to know what my intentions are for her?'

'Something like that'. She pauses, scrutinising Alex closely. 'You know she's been through a hard time recently right?'

'Yea'

'So she's vulnerable'

'And?'

'I just want to make sure that you're going to take appropriate care of her, that's all.' Her eyes flick back to the metal bucket, still clanking with water.

'What exactly does appropriate care mean in your world?'

'The same as it means in anyone else's world'

'Which is?'

'Look, I'm sure you're great and everything, what with your wise cracks and edginess and all that…..'

'You forgot to mention how hot I am' Alex says, deciding to have some fun. If this prissy bitch is going to come in here trying to make her feel bad, then she's sure as hell going to make sure she leaves with something to remember her by. It works though as Polly immediately averts her eyes to the floor and flushes a little.

'You know Piper was kidding when she said that right?' she says, attempting to recompose herself.

'You wouldn't be the first girl in denial', Alex grins, green eyes sparkling devilishly.

'I have a Pete…a boyfriend I mean. I have a boyfriend'.

'Sure. So you want a drink or something?'

Polly shakes her head, clearly a little thrown by the turn the conversation has taken and tries to regain control.

'Look Alex, I've got nothing against you, despite what you might think, but Piper is my best friend and as much as I love her, she doesn't always know what's best for her.'

'And what makes you think that you do?' Alex replies, trying to keep her tone as even as possible. What she really wants to do is tell her to fuck right off, back to her world of twin sets and pearls and weekends in the Hamptons, but for Piper's sake, she's keeping a lid on it, because for some reason, this moron is her close friend and Alex needs to try and find some way of making this work.

'Because we're the same' Polly replies, as though she is spelling something out that is already obvious.

Alex can feel her heart racing a little as the calmness is beginning to waiver. 'If she was like you, I wouldn't even grace her with a second of my time'. She watches Polly's face for a change in expression, but there isn't one, instead, the corners of her mouth turn into a small, disdainful smile, before she continues speaking.

'Piper does this now and again, she get's bored and looks for something exciting'

'So now you think I'm exciting as well as hot? Careful there Poll, that's quite a crush you're cultivating' she smirks.

'Fuck you' Polly snaps. She shuffles in her chair uncomfortably. 'I've come here to talk about Piper, not witness your 101 in flirting'

'I wasn't flirting'

'Well whatever the hell it was that you were doing' She pauses, glancing around the office. 'Look, this is all very cute, you're little set up here and I'm sure you mean well in general, but how exactly do you think this is going to work for you and Piper in the long run?'

Alex can't figure out if she's trying to sound reasonable now, but if she is, she lacks even more self-awareness than Alex had previously given her credit for.

'You mean how I am going to keep her in the lifestyle she's accustomed to?'

'Well, yes, in a manner of speaking' Polly replies bluntly.

'The lifestyle where she's in a miserable loveless relationship, too afraid to leave because her fiancé is a needy jackass'

'Hey!' Polly snaps, 'you don't know Larry, he's a nice guy'

'Yea? And you don't fucking know me' Alex replies, the relative calm finally slipping out of her grasp. 'But it still doesn't stop you marching in here and interfering in my business does it? I get that you care about Piper, I really do and it's kinda nice, in some sort of fucked up single white female way, but you need to let Piper make her own choices, she's a big girl and she can handle it, ok?'

She's hoping it will get Polly to back off, to turn and leave with her tail between her legs and think twice before she comes sniffing around here, with her goddamn Park Slope snout. For a minute, she's silenced, her cheeks flushed, her eyes glassy as she stands up to leave. She makes her way towards the door and then turns back, her narrow stare penetrating Alex's core.

'You know she wants kids right?'

She's caught Alex off guard. She opens her mouth to formulate a response, but the words in her head are just a random jumble.

'Kids' Polly repeats, firmer this time. 'With or without you'.

And then she's gone and Alex is left standing in her office.

Alone.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Polly has been flicking through wedding magazines for what seems like hours. A date hasn't even been set yet, but that isn't going to stop her from planning the wedding of the century. Piper was supposed to call Alex ten minutes ago, but Polly is currently on a roll about what the difference between ivory and white is; Piper really can't fathom what on earth her friend is talking about, but she continues to smile politely and sip her wine.

'It's important, because they both look totally different in photographs, see?' she says pointing to two models who look just as bored as Piper currently feels.

She hasn't spoken to Alex all day and she's missing her like crazy, marooned by this reckless, all consuming longing. The whole thing is utter madness; but in a glorious fucked up way.

She grabs her cell phone out of her bag, unable to contain herself any longer.

'Err Poll, I'm just going to duck outside and call my mom, I forgot that I had promised her'

'Sure, go ahead and then when you get back, we can discuss accessories!' she says with a disturbing enthusiasm.

Piper hurries out on to the front porch. The night is chilly and clear and she should have picked up her jacket on the way out, but she's too excited to go back and collect it now. She hurriedly dials Alex's number and waits, each ring creating a fresh wave of torture until she eventually answers.

'Hello'

Her voice immediately sends shivers down Piper's spine in the most inconvenient of ways.

'Hey'

'Hey yourself kid. So you're fifteen minutes late in calling me'

'You were counting?' she laughs

'It was an educated guess, but I'm thinking that deserves some sort of reprimand'

It's so fucking good to hear her that Piper can barely contain herself. '

'Like what?'

'You have to eat my cooking for a week'

'I think that would contravene my human rights' she laughs. 'Did you have a good day?'

'Let's just say it's improving by the second'.

'So…I miss you'

'Where are you?'

'At Polly's'

'You should be in my bed. Naked.'

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

'You still there Pipes?' she's grinning now, that much is obvious.

'Errrr yea' she replies, trying to sound as cool as possible, but the thought of being in Alex's bed has set her off on a dangerous tangent; one that doesn't involve chats about flower arrangements and bridesmaids dresses.

'So when should I expect you?' Alex says, with a level of assuredness that Piper finds unbelievably sexy.

'What makes you think I'll be coming?'

'Well, cuming has never been a problem for you before' she says, her voice dripping with temptation.

'I can't, Polly….' Piper replies with the most ineffectual level of resistance she's ever mustered.

'Forty minutes?'

'Al, I really can't….'

'Half an hour?'

'Al…'

'Twenty minutes?'

She sighs; resistance is futile. 'Give me ten' she says grinning.

Polly will understand.