AN: Sorry it took my a while to update, but I'm going through something like emotional crisis, so... lol.

Anyways, review!

Helen stood at the armchair, while the man had their guy's night, reading a book. Or at least she tried to read a book. Her thoughts were somewhere else. Her eyes slid over the letters, but that's it. The story wasn't reaching her brain at all.

She couldn't stop thinking about last night. She enjoyed herself so much… was that the way to become her release? By pain? And then the man in her mind? She surely was sick. Absolutely sick.

Helen couldn't feel complete with Roman. She couldn't feel complete with Dean too. And she never stopped asking herself the same question: Why? Maybe that man… last night… in her imagination… Maybe he was the answer. She hurried to shook that thought away. That was too sick. She would never allow herself to say that thought out loud. Is she did… then it would be real problem. Helen decided that it would be for the best if she just keeps her thoughts for herself from now on. She wasn't sure she wanted to share with anyone. It was really hard time for her and the judgmental mind of the people wouldn't really help her. She sighed loudly.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" a quiet voice from behind her asked. She turned around. Mrs. Adams stood by the door with silver tea – tray in her hands. Helen put an effort to smile. The old woman had no fault that she was broken inside.

"Yes… I guess… "She whispered.

"Are you sure?"

Helen looked in the wise brown eyes of Mrs. Adams. These eyes were like gone through so much and could see everything. Even though she didn't know the old woman for a long time, she always felt like an open book in front of her. She just sighed again and shook her head negatively. Mrs. Adams smiled knowingly and moved closer to Helen. She sat on the armchair opposite of Helen and placed the tray on the small table between them.

"So? What's the problem?"

Helen thought for a minute.

"I honestly don't know myself. I just don't feel right."

"How come?"

"Well… you know… I got married, not because I wanted it, but because of my brother. It happened so fast and I'm not sure I can realize everything that happens you know. Not that I don't like Roman… I like Roman very much. He really is great. He is kind with me, loving. I'm fully satisfied. But I have to say that I'm slightly disappointed."

"Why?"

"It's not how I was imagining that. Every girl has dreams. I have always thought that, when I see the big love I will know it's him. I'll look into his eyes and from that moment on I'll be bewitched and nothing else would matter. With Roman… it didn't happened exactly like that… I see his beautiful eyes, but I just don't feel what I expected to feel. So I dare to say that I'm a bit disappointed. The decision to marry him wasn't mine at all. And it was so rational. "We have to unite our lands so you are going to marry my best friend." That's what Seth said. And it's logical really. I don't doubt his rational thinking. But I don't think that love should be rational. There's no logic within the feelings. You feel something and you do whatever your heart wants you to. You are not asking "Why should I do that?" You are just doing it, because it feels right. And when it feels right, you can't be wrong. "

Mrs. Adams smiled sadly.

"Mrs. Helen, what you just said really was beautiful. But sadly… the things in life don't always happen like that. All of the girls have the same dreams. But then the truth hits them hard and they feel the same disappointment. You just have to accept your destiny… if you want to survive. Believe me; nobody has dropped out of the battle with life as a winner. And I can assure you that nobody will ever win that battle. As for the choices you didn't make, because the century we live in took you the chances away… well… you'll have to deal with that too and look at the good side. Sometimes the people make mistakes, even when they have to pick who to marry. If you are not happy and things aren't working out for you, you can always put the blame on Mr. Rollins. Otherwise… if you had picked Roman for husband and weren't happy… then you would be disappointed in yourself… there is nothing worse then that to live with the guilt that you messed up your own life. Nothing worse except the guilt of messing up someone else's life."

Helen thought for a minute then smiled at Mrs. Adams. Nothing worse except the guilt of messing up someone else's life? Hmm… At least now Helen knew what to do, if she decides that she wants a revenge for her unlived life.

"Thank you, Mrs. Adams. I believe you are absolutely right."

"Mr. Rollins, wait!"

Seth stopped and turned around.

"Oh… good morning, Mrs. Katherine." He smiled.

"Where are you off too?" She asked as she smiled and bated her eyelashes at him.

"I'm looking for my dear sister. I was told that she's taking a walk with Jake in the garden."

"Oh… Then I'll come with you, if you don't mind. I'm looking for Jake anyways."

"I don't mind at all, Mrs. Katherine. In fact it would be my pleasure. You look lovely today." Seth smiled charmingly. He was well aware of Katherine's action and thought it would be good for him to be nice with her. One day he might profit of that.

She blushed a little and her smile grew even wider.

"You too, Mr. Rollins. But that's needless to say, right? You always do." Katherine complimented. "I'm wondering how you can still be single. There are a lot of women that wouldn't mind becoming Mrs. Rollins."

"Ah… yes, I know that. But you see… I don't really want just any woman." Seth smiled back.

"Oh… is there someone special in your life then?"

"Yes… I guess you might say that."

"Are you going to marry her?"

Seth thought for a while.

"I don't know. We'll have to see what does the future hides for us."

"And what about yours… hm… body needs?" Katherine smiled at Seth, licking her lips.

"I'm pretty satisfied I might say."

"Oh yeah? By a woman? You know, Mr. Rollins, if you ever feel the need of woman's touch and there's no one around to help you, you can always count on me."

"I might use your offer sometime, Mrs. Katherine." Seth smiled back, looking her up and down. Too bad Katherine wasn't really his type. Sadly… his type was this woman, who he was worshiping. But she was untouchable for him. And even sadder was the fact that he made her untouchable. Oh, how cruel life is. But you have to pay for your actions eventually. Sooner or later it happens. Everybody pay.