Identity

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters associated with Kingdom Hearts nor am I making any money by writing this. However, I do own some of the original characters such as Hayden and Harou so please don't steal them.

I was born in the middle of the day on a hot summer day. According to my father Hayden, it was a really hard labor. I took my time coming out. We were happy, my two fathers, my older brother Riku, and me. Riku was not quite a year old when I was born. Our next brother, Miles wasn't born until I was two and Riku was three. My father Harou had decided that he needed a break from childbirth for a while. When I was four, we moved into a new, bigger house that my father Hayden had built for us since our family was growing.

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Chapter 13

Roxas was extremely worried when Axel didn't return to his lessons. He became even more worried when Axel didn't appear at lunch.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Zexion said in a soothing voice as Roxas uneasily picked at his food.

Though his voice was soothing, Zexion's cerulean eyes were filled with worry; not only was
Axel missing, Sora and Riku were gone as well.

This is not a good sign. Zexion thought grimly.

He kept his eye on Roxas as they went to their afternoon lessons. The blond was pretending that there was nothing wrong, but Zexion knew Roxas well enough to know that he was worried about Axel. Zexion turned his attention to the front of the room as Mr. Lexaeus started their lesson. He tried to pay attention, but he kept turning to glance at Roxas. The blond was staring straight ahead, not listening to a word of what was being said. His sapphire eyes were troubled. Zexion felt the urge to envelop Roxas in a warm hug and tell him that everything was going to be all right, but it was not the appropriate moment for that.

A sharp knock on the door brought Zexion out of his thoughts. He saw Roxas's posture tense. Mr. Lexaeus stopped talking and blinked a few times.

"Yes, come in," he said when the knocking persisted. The door opened and Xemnas stepped in. "Why hello Director. This is quite a surprise."

"I wonder if I could borrow Roxas for a moment." Xemnas looked extremely serious. "It's very urgent."

"A…all right." Mr. Lexaeus looked surprised and didn't hide it well. He turned to Roxas. "Roxas…?"

"I'm going," Roxas said softly.

He rose slowly and crossed the room. He looked slightly dazed as he went out into the hall. Xemnas closed the door behind them. The entire classroom was still as everyone listened, trying to hear what Xemnas and Roxas were saying. Even Mr. Lexaeus was listening. Roxas gave a muffled cry. Finally, the voices died away and the door opened. Roxas came in, looking even more dazed.

"Roxas?" Mr. Lexaeus asked.

Roxas looked up. "Some…things came up. I…I have to leave."

"All right. I understand," Mr. Lexaeus said gently.

Roxas returned to his seat and started gathering his things. He unexpectedly turned to Zexion and Demyx.

"Can you…can you watch Colin for me?" Roxas asked.

"Sure Roxas," Zexion answered.

"Thank you." Roxas tried to smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes as it usually did.

He finished gathering his things and hastily retreated. Zexion and Demyx shared a surprised glance. Both of them could sense something was wrong. Without ever saying anything out loud, they came to an agreement that they needed to follow Roxas. They stood up and started to leave. Suddenly, Demyx thought of something and crossed the room again. He bent over and picked Colin up from where he lay in his carrier. He ignored the baby's cries of protests as he rejoined Zexion at the door.

"Let's go," he said rather harshly.

Zexion nodded and silently, they departed. Roxas hadn't gotten very far by the time they had decided to leave. Zexion hurried forward and grabbed Roxas by the arm. Roxas whirled around, his entire body rigid, but when he saw that it was Zexion who grabbed him, his posture relaxed.

"Honey what's wrong?" Zexion asked gently, brushing Roxas's bangs out of his eyes. "What's upsetting you.

"It's Axel," Roxas answered faintly.

"Axel? What's that bastard done now?" Demyx growled.

Roxas shook his head violently. "It's not like that!" He paused, his chest heaving. "Axel is sick. Really sick."

Zexion and Demyx stared at him, Demyx's jaw hanging open.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" Zexion asked.

"I don't know!" Roxas cried.

He started sobbing. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand, the tears finally coming. Zexion stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the sobbing blond. Roxas rested his head on Zexion's shoulder. Zexion didn't say anything because there was no need for him to. His actions spoke for themselves.

After Roxas had stopped crying, Zexion pulled away from him so that he could wipe away his tears.

"So what are you gonna do now?" Demyx asked, bouncing Colin up and down in his arms to try and stop his fussing.

"Here, give him to me," Zexion said in an exasperated tone.

He opened his arms and Demyx put the baby into them.

"There there." Zexion's tone was extremely gentle. "It's all right Colin. Don't cry." After a few moments, Colin calmed down. Zexion glared at Demyx. "You have absolutely no childcare skills, do you?"

Demyx shrugged, then turned to Roxas. "Hey, you never answered my question." He blinked and realized that Roxas had already started to walk away. "Hey!" He ran forward and grabbed Roxas's arm. "And where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to the medical facility to see Axel," Roxas answered in a flat voice, halting his procession, and turning around. "You and Zexion should go back to class."

"Oh no." Demyx shook his head. "We're not going anywhere 'cept maybe to the medical facility. Actually, scratch that. We are going to the medical facility and that's the end of it." Demyx's fierce expression softened a bit. "Roxas, we're your friends. You don't think we'll just leave you to deal with this shit all by yourself, do you?"

The corner of Roxas's lips twitched up into some semblance of a smile. "I guess not."

"Attaboy." Demyx smiled encouragingly.

Zexion joined the two Bearers and the here of them walked to the medical facility. After a bit of persuasion, Roxas, Zexion, and Demyx were allowed into the back to visit Axel. They were shown into a small room filled with all sorts of medical equipment. Axel's three Breeder friends were all there, blocking the view to Axel's bed.

The only one the Bearers were able to recognize was Sora. The other two, a boy with wild dark curls, and a boy with silver hair glared at the newcomers hostilely.

"What the hell is he doing here?" the silver haired boy snarled, gesturing to Roxas.

"I am Axel's mate," Roxas answered coldly.

"That means nothing," the boy sneered.

"Riku, shut up," Sora snapped. He sighed softly and rubbed his forehead. "Let me introduce you. This is Riku. No he's not always this grumpy." Sora gestured to the silver haired boy.

Riku snorted and crossed his arms. His smooth, boyish face made him look a lot younger than he actually was. He looked more like he belonged in school rather than at The Institute.

"And this is Xaldin," Sora said, motioning to the dark haired boy.

Unlike Riku, Xaldin looked like he was his age. His curls framed his face in long locks and his eyes were a strange violet color. He did not offer any sort of a greeting.

"We know who Roxas is," Riku said to Sora. "So who are the other two?"

"I can hear you," Demyx said loudly.

"I wasn't talking to you," Riku retorted. "So who are they?"

Sora frowned. You should remember them. The other dark silver haired boy is Zexion, Saix's mate. And the other blond haired boy is Marluxia's mate, Demyx."

"And the kid is Axel's?" Riku asked, eyeing Colin.

"Yes Riku," Sora said patiently. "This is Colin."

Riku stepped forward and curiously peered at Colin. "He looks a lot like Roxas. He really looks like Roxas. But I can see a bit of Axel in him, especially in the eyes. Here I thought the kid would be cursed with Axel's bright red hair, but apparently that's not the case. Huh."

"How is Axel doing?" Roxas asked, turning to Sora.

Sora's kind face was deeply etched with worry. "There's been no change."

"What's wrong with him?"

Sora hesitated. "He…I…can I talk to you privately for a moment?"

"Let me." Riku grabbed Roxas by the arm and dragged him out of the small room. "The only reason I'm doing this is because Axel is my friend. You do have a right to know what's going on because whether I like it or now, you are his mate. You're bonded together for life. Axel…I don't know him very well. He and I came to The Institute at roughly around the same time and though I see him as a friend, I still don't know that much about him. I couldn't believe when I found out…" He stopped.

"Found out what?" Roxas asked breathlessly.

Riku didn't answer at once. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

"Roxas, I...ugh." Riku ran his fingers through his hair. "Fuck. I suck at trying to explain things."

"It's all right," Roxas said softly. "Take your time. I can tell what you're trying to tell me is very important."

Riku stared at him for a few moments, then shook his head. He thought for a while.

"You saw today…how he freaked out in class right?" he asked.

"Yeah." Roxas nodded. "Does this have anything to do with how he is now?"

"Of course it does," Riku said impatiently. He shook his head and tried to control his temper. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Roxas said soothingly. "Keep explaining."

"Well, after Axel didn't return to class, I cut class to find him. Took me so damn long to find him. I found him in the strangest place--under the sinks in the bathroom."

"What was he doing there?" Roxas asked curiously.

"No fucking clue." Riku stopped. "Sorry. I have a bad habit of swearing."

Roxas shrugged. "Nothing I haven't heard before."

Riku stared at him again. "You really are something else." Roxas blushed. "Anyway, I found him laying under the sinks shaking and sh…stuff. I didn't want to leave him so I stayed there until Sora showed up. We tried to get Axel to move but when Sora grabbed his arm…" Riku trailed off, staring at the wall over Roxas's shoulder as he remember the events that had already long passed by.

Riku shook his head and brought his thoughts back to the present.

"Roxas…" his voice was unusually gentle. "There's something I've got to tell you. I just…I just don't know how to say it. Fuck. I'm just going to say it. I'm pretty sure that…" Riku sighed softly. "I'm very sure that Axel was molested as a child. Like sexually molested. He may even have been raped." He looked at Roxas.

Roxas had frozen, his posture rigid.

"Are you…are you sure?" he breathed.

"Fairly sure, yes. Sora was the one who first thought of it. When I asked Xemnas, he snapped at me that it wasn't my business, and when I asked again, he got even angrier. That didn't really sit well me, you know?" Riku stared at Roxas meaningfully. Roxas nodded. "It made me think that he was hiding something. Actually, no it made me sure that he was hiding something."

"I agree," Roxas murmured.

"Plus it explains a few things," Riku continued. "Like why he's so freaking messed up in the head."

Roxas was frozen again, thinking.

"Yes, it does," he whispered, his eyes wide. "It makes perfect sense. God, why didn't I see this before?"

"Don't beat yourself over it," Riku said. "None of us figured out until now and we've known him a lot longer than you have. Axel's an unreadable block of ice."

Roxas nodded. "But I can't blame him for trying to protect his heart by closing it off. He's a lot stronger than I am, to have survived for so long after something like this has happened."

"Yet at the same time, he shouldn't have repressed his feelings for this long because look where he's at."

It was Roxas's turn to stare at Riku. "You're right. Axel is an idiot in some respects."

Riku cracked a small smile.

"You're all right kid," he said gruffly. "You're all right." He awkwardly patted Roxas's shoulder. "Come on. Let's go back in there." He jerked his thumb at the door to Axel's room.

The two of them started to head back into the small room. Suddenly, Riku stopped and turned around.

"Hey," he said in a low voice. "Don't tell anyone what I told you, okay? Even your two pals. I don't think Axel wants it broadcasted around what happened to him. Besides, I'm not totally sure I'm right about this."

Roxas nodded. "I understand."

"Thank you."

Riku went into the small room first, with Roxas silently following behind. Riku immediately gravitated to Sora.

"Did you tell him?" Sora asked in a low voice.

"Yes," Riku answered. "He seemed to take it well, at least from what I could tell. He seemed a bit shocked, but I can't blame him."

"Yeah," Sora said softly, looking at Roxas, who was approaching his mate's bed. "I don't either."

"He's a good kid," Riku said out of the blue. "Axel's very lucky to have someone like him in his life."

"Yes." Sora nodded.

"Axel?" Roxas asked softly, walking forward. "Axel, it's me. I'm here now." Tears clouded his vision. He blinked them away.

He stopped by Axel's side and sucked in his breath. Axel looked so…sick. It was so sudden. But then again, Roxas reflected, the change could have been happening over a long period of time and Roxas would have never even noticed.

Axel's fiery red hair was a tangled mess and stuck out in every direction imaginable. His skin was deathly pale, which made his hair stand out even more. He was dressed in a loose gown, an IV stuck in his large arm. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth and his breath clouded the inside of the plastic. Roxas took in an unsteady breath and reached out. He gently placed his hand on top of Axel's. He was surprised to find the skin burning; his deathly pale complexion suggested that he would be cold.

"Hi Axel," he whispered. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

The Breeders and Bearers alike could see that no matter how much Axel had hurt Roxas, the blond still loved him with all his heart. It made Zexion sad and Demyx angry, but there was nothing they could do.

To be continued…

Notes: Riku, Riku, Riku, what are you doing? You weren't supposed to go off and tell Roxas that Axel had been molested. Actually, you and Sora weren't supposed to find that out in the first place. I got back to my outline only to deviate again. And I threw in a bit of random dialogue with Sora and Riku that I just wrote in when typing the chapter up (I always write chapters out first) about how Riku is stating that Roxas is a good guy. That always seems to happen to me.

Aw, Riku's finally warming up to Roxas. Now if only Axel could do the same…(laughs bitterly) My characters are such drama queens.