"The reason I talk to myself is because

I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

― George Carlin

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Joe hadn't really been aiming at any particular one of them per se; frankly, if no one had to die tonight, that would be his preferred outcome. But as his palm fell rapidly on the hammer a total of four times, he wasn't sure such a miracle could be.

Despite being in total control of his faculties, he felt numb all over. Perhaps it was a side effect of being about to garner the attention of about twenty well-armed servants of the state. Perhaps it was the fact that he had just rushed into a potentially foolhardy plan without any real idea of how it would turn out.

Or maybe it was just the fact that, in a moment, he might get shot in the face.

Anger and adrenaline kept him upright to allow four thunderclaps to sound from his Colt, before he spun backward to eat the ground, grasping for his other handgun as he did. He found its handle as he began to furiously scramble away; he heard several surprised shouts and swears and then, in an instant, the forest exploded with gunfire behind him.

Trying, for his own sanity, to ignore the shots flying above him, he kept as pressed to the dirt and grass as he could. After making it a good ten yards, he rolled to the left to put several large bushes between him and his eventual pursuers. As he continued his hasty retreat, he began to congratulate himself,

See, look? Make them think you're getting ready for a gunfight, then take off in the cover of night. No problem, by the time they get to where you were hiding…

A bullet skipped through the earth behind him and tore through the back of his calf. Yelling through clenched teeth, though it couldn't be heard through the continued shots that sounded behind him, he stopped for a moment to contort in pain.

Oh, what the fuck, did I actually just get shot, how in the fuck did that piece of shit know to aim over here, you goddamn…

MOVE.

With his usual abrupt nature, Dust snapped the order through his mental bitching, and sent him scrambling forward again despite the now-searing pain that came from the back of his lower leg. He didn't make it that much farther; the ground in front of him suddenly gave way to open air and, before he could slow to stop, he went tumbling down a good eight feet of steep crevasse to land facedown in a very shallow pool.

He rolled over, allowing himself to bitch a good bit more at the night sky as the gunshots behind him lessened. Through his pain, he noticed the alteration,

Have they figured out I wasn't there?

Then he noticed that the gunshots hadn't lessened: they had simply changed direction.

Fucking damn it.

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The speed with which the past minute had transgressed still was baffling to Ymir, trying not to stumble as she fled back through the woods to where their vehicle had been placed.

She had noticed Joseph get up and move towards Mikasa out of the corner of her eye, but had been too caught up in her own brainstorming; when he had simply got up and ran the wrong way, she had taken further notice and had been just as surprised as the rest, hissing at their leader for the collective,

"Mika, what the fuck is he… "

"I don't know… I don't know… I… "

"The fuck you mean, he just… "

"He's going to make a diversion."

The explanation came from Annie, who looked as stone cold as ever and not at all concerned with their current predicament. Being close by, she clearly heard whatever short communication had been had between the two, but was not nearly at such a loss for words.

Ymir settled back down, though she herself was torn by his decision. If someone had needed to create a diversion it should have been Sasha or Ilse or someone fast, someone who could get away unscathed. But as she smiled gently down, she knew he had acted on impulse. Regardless, however, she certainly didn't want him dead. Feeling the smile vanish, she had only a moment to consider how Joseph might manage to worm his way out of a confrontation with twenty armed men, before the snap of Joseph's Colt tore through her mind and the forest. It could have been one shot, but she knew it must have been at least three. For a single, numbing moment, there was distant shouting and movement.

Then, sounds and lights that would have put a state sponsored fireworks show to shame. Instinctively ducking, Ymir heard someone shout,

"MOVE!"

Staying low, she reached out to grab Krista by the back of her jacket and pulling her ahead; in unison, the three groups split off at top speed for their respective vehicles. As they moved further away from the gunfire, Ilse shouted over the roar,

"What about Joseph!?"

Mikasa didn't even glance over; Ymir saw the look of knowing on Ilse's face at the lack of response and slowed significantly, starting to turn back. Annie grabbed her arm roughly and yanked her back on track.

"He knows what he's doing! And any of us going back does him no goddamn good! Now RUN!"

Ilse gave one withheld look of desperation and fear back towards the blaze before turning back forward; as she did the heavy rumble of one of their business partner's vehicles cut low through the sounds of gunfire. Not ten meters later, a bullet whizzed past them to the right, tearing wood from a tree, causing a curse to fly from Ymir's lips,

"Jesus!"

She sped up slightly for a moment to get closer to Krista, covering her as best she could while running through the woods, light flashing erratically behind them. After seconds that felt like hours, the bursts of the police's firearms lit up the side of their box truck, parked where they had left on the side of the road. Annie sprinted, flinging the back door up, and ushering them violently inside, shouting over the deafening clamor.

Ensuring Krista made it in first, Ymir backed against the far side letting Sasha and Ilse pile in and hit the floor before climbing in herself, slipping as she did. Her knee dragged against the sharp edge and she felt it tear through her pants and skin. She hit the metal ground of the truck, swearing like a sailor; she felt Krista's hands drag her further in and she reached around herself to clasp their hands. Annie reached up to pull down the door; as she did, the engine of the vehicle rumbled alive. Moments later, a door opened and closed and the truck accelerated sharply and Ymir's head banged against the rear. Now swearing for more than one reason, she clutched at her head and knee, feeling Krista scramble to her side,

"What happened!? Where're you hurt!?"

"Ugh… head… knee… "

She felt her girlfriend's hands move up and down her body, checking for serious damage; wincing she lay back, listening to the muffled thuds of the gunshots fade away into nothing. A gently and dim orange light gleamed through her fingers as Sasha turned on the back light. Finally, the only sound became that of the truck's engine and after a minute, Ymir breathed a soft sigh of relief.

"Out of the woods. Man, that was way too close."

"The fuck Ymir…"

She opened her eyes to see Ilse looking at her with dark resentment.

"We're down a seventh in case you missed that memo."

Never one to back down from a confrontation, she moved to rise to a more appropriate height, but was pulled down gently, but sternly. She looked at Krista who shook her head, a pained and distraught look on her face. Ymir pushed down her aggressive nature and responded with much more restraint then she normally put forth,

"I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah you were… just about you though."

That wasn't gonna fly.

"Hey, yo, what the fuck do you want!? I say one fucking thing and I'm suddenly heartless?!"

Ilse shook her head in what could have been mild disgust.

"You are unbelievable."

"Please, enlighten me."

"You can never just keep your mouth shut when you should, not matter what insensitive shit you're thinking. Always gotta speak that twisted mind of yours."

"You're talking pretty tough shit for a pot calling the kettle black. You think I'm not worried about him?"

"You could have fooled me."

For the second time, Ymir grabbed control of her aggression.

"Look, it's not as bad as you're making it. "

"We left him. In the middle of nowhere to boot."

"He's no idiot, he's got just as good a chance… "

"GIVE ME A BREAK!"

The shout reverberated harshly through the box's interior; Ymir stared at her friend in level shock. Krista and Sasha were both staring at the floor, looking morose. Ilse let the silence reign for a few moments before following up,

"How could he have made it out of there. Twenty guys, yeah?"

She looked at Sasha who nodded bitter consent.

"All with bigger guns, a number advantage, probably some night vision gear, and he had nowhere to go. But, hey, we got our money right?"

Kicked one of the satchels with passive anger. Ymir let it sit for a good while; she then turned her gaze down and spoke with as much control as she was able.

"Ilse, that's not fair."

No reply; it only spurred her further.

"We didn't throw him to the wolves, he jumped to them. And there was nothing we could have done to improve the situation he put himself in."

This was the harsh truth and as much as it sucked, she needed to hear it. But as Ilse turned to look at her friend, anger fell to a beaten expression that hurt Ymir's heart far more then the tempered one had. It was a knowing look, one that showed that, despite everything, it was trying to deflect the hurt of a loss.

"I know."

She put her head in her hands.

"I know."

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He wasn't sure how he was still moving.

Having fallen at least a half dozen times, Joe had pulled himself up over and over and ran as best as he could through the black woods. His calf seemed to be on fire, there was blood in his mouth from a fall onto a rock, and the same blood continued to leak into his eye, as a result of an unfortunate collision with a tree. He was fairly sure he had lost the officers a while ago; by zagging through trees and making wild turns, he must have now been far from any human. Regardless, he ran. By this point he shouldn't have been able to; he was tired, hurting, and quite possibly delusional.

As he tore through the growth on his path to nowhere, he kept seeing people through the trees, looking at him in disapproval. There went his parents, his brother, and those he had killed. Each looked at him like he wasn't worth shit.

Maybe he wasn't.

Look at what you've become.

You are alone in your nothingness.

You deserve to bleed.

They hissed at him cruelly; as if the physical stress wasn't enough. He gritted his teeth, feeling the coppery liquid flow through them, and barreled on. The phantoms, for that's all they could have been, followed, tormenting him with words. Dust was nowhere to be heard.

Why are you still running?

There is nowhere for you to go.

You have nothing, they see you as nothing, they left you like nothing.

None of them, not even her, feel anything for you.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHES!"

He snarled this violently at the night sky, immediately regretting the toll it took on his already burning lungs. For a second, it seemed his outburst had quelled the spirits. He found he was very wrong as his roommate appeared before him, his face a decomposed mess,

YOU'RE A MURDERER!

Then his roommate became a tree, and for the second time that night, he collided with an arboreal monument face-first.

He lay on the ground, bleeding from multiple lacerations and hating everything about his situation. He stopped to consider turning back and giving himself up; at least back there with the police, he could be guaranteed a place to sleep and eat. Then, as though he had just come back from a vacation, Dust arrived to berate him.

What the hell are you thinking. Turn yourself in? What kind of chicken-shit play is that?

Joe did no more than grunt in pain; right now, movement was too much to ask. He changed the subject,

"Why won't you keep those fucking ghosts away… ? I thought that was what you were for… "

I killed the serpent. Those others, you have to fight them yourself until you realize there are no ghosts. Nothing left to haunt you but your conscience.

"Hehe… so I am just going crazy."

No reply.

"Well… thanks for the pep-talk."

Forget it. After all, I'm not really here either.

Laughing, Joe rolled over to his hands and knees. Looking around, he saw nothing but more black trees and ground.

Shakily, slowly, he began to run again.

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The atmosphere in inside the abandoned gas station could have passed for a funeral service.

Though it very may well be.

Ymir thought this bitterly to herself as she sat on the decaying counter, swinging her legs to keep feeling in her body. The group was staying in the hideout until such a time that it was agreed the police were not going to find them. No matter how long they waited, they would be taking a different route home; there was no point in risking anything.

As for the moods that occupied the generally empty space, there were variants, but all of the same basic feeling. Krista was leaning against Ymir's shoulder with a hand on the taller girl's leg. She had said nothing since their escape. Sasha was the only one making any real noise, throwing bits of gravel at a half faded poster on the wall. Her face revealed little, but Ymir noticed her shaking arms and legs. Ilse was as she had been left: a seemingly broken and defeated person, sitting knees pulled up against her, her face resting in her crossed arms. Her eyes her difficult to look at without immediately feeling depression well up. Annie was the only one acting objectively, moving to each window in a slow and steady pattern, checking outside for any sign of movement. If she was feeling any emotion, she was hiding it as always.

Then… then there was Mikasa.

Their leader had been pacing ever since they had arrived and agreed on their plan of action. It wasn't a frantic pace, nor was it emotionless. It was just a constant striding back and forth along the worn down aisles. No feeling could be immediately discerned from it, but her white knuckles gave away that whatever emotion was being felt by the raven-haired girl was fierce.

Sighing softly through her nose, Ymir ceased swinging her legs. It was a grave situation despite them just having averted a serious crisis. But everyone was thinking the same thing.

We lost someone.

She knew it, because it was all she was able to comprehend. He was gone. And if it hadn't been him, would it have been someone else? Facing facts, they had to realize: this was the first time something like this had ever happened to their group. They had dealt with exceptionally hostile situations before, but now… now, they had actually lost something. The feeling of losing control was frighteningly powerful; to suddenly realize you had so little power over so much.

After what could have been hours, Annie broke the silence coldly,

"We've waited long enough. Let's give it thirty more minutes, then we hit the road. I'll do a quick drive around in the sweep to make sure we have an all clear."

No one gave the comment an acknowledgement, but everyone was agreeing silently. Sasha spoke up as well, voice cracking ever so slightly,

"Should check the truck too. Make sure there's no bullet marks; could act as red flags."

This too, was given silent consent.

Ymir glanced towards the sealed garage where she knew the truck was parked. As she wrapped her arm instinctively around Krista, her mind went to the money inside and a throbbing rush of self-loathing penetrated her gut. Not because of the money, but because of the spot it had taken in her priorities.

Regardless of what she knew, Ilse had made an agonizing point.

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The sky finally began to show light as he staggered free of the treeline. Although "light" was perhaps an exaggeration; the solid grey sky gave the obvious intention of bringing rain at any moment.

He slumped against the ditch on the side of the road, desperate for shallow breath. After a good while, the pain had started to become something that wasn't so difficult to endure. Looking up at the grey, he imagined it was probably around four or five in the morning. Oh, how many times he had slept through these hours, with no thought of the events that transpired at this time. Joe thought to the other students sleeping on campus, who had no idea who he was or what he was going through. Pushing down his envy, he wobbled to a standing position, he began along the dirt road that he had come out on, trying to remember why he had need to be cautious.

What's there to worry about… ? I'm just a guy on a walk, in the absurdly early morning, in the middle of nowhere, bleeding from multiple areas, and probably looking like something Salvador Dali would dream up.

He giggled at his own reference; how absurd he was, to think of such nonsense at a time like this.

Eventually, the dirt road gave way to a real two-lane road, and he bobbled in both directions, trying to make heads or tails of which direction was best. He thought of flipping a coin, but, knowing he didn't have one, opted instead to spin around in place a good six times to randomize the direction. After collapsing in dizziness and swearing in pain two dozen times, he dragged himself up again and started along the road.

As he lurched along the aging pavement, he took stock of how pretty the surrounding area was. Far off to his right, there was a large open field and ahead and to the left, daunting woods took up all the eye could see. The grey clouds did the area good as well; it looked like something out of a horror movie.

Swaying back and forth across the lane divide, he realized that it had started raining. He looked up, scowling, then immediately regretted the decision, as the sudden movement caused his head to rush.

As he waited for the world to stop spinning, he realized he could hear a car; glancing around quickly, he realized it must be coming from around the bend up ahead. He considered leaping away and hiding, but his body wouldn't hear it. He tottered over to the right lane and lowered his head, hoping whoever was driving would think him a drunk homeless man, and continue on their way.

Keeping his eyes on the pavement, he heard the car make the bend, near him, and then smash its brakes.. It stopped behind him and he sighed, spitting blood as he did so, waiting for a voice to yell at him to put his hands up. A door did open, but no sudden yelling came. He kept walking slowly.

"…Joseph… ?"

He stopped.

Huh?

He turned slowly to see Annie standing beside a grey sedan, showing the most emotion he had ever seen her let loose. Granted it wasn't much, just a singularly shocked expression, eyes looking him up and down.

Stupidly, he wondered how he looked.

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AN: So I'm pleased to announce that I have now found a working, consistent schedule for my life. As such I should be able to now get chapters out every 1-2 weeks, depending on how difficult the chapter is to write, random, unforeseen events, and the like. This chapter made it out in about a week, and while I can't promise such speed every update, it's hopefully a sign of things to come. Regardless, there shouldn't be any more 3+ week gaps in between updates. Thanks for dealing with that and, as always, hope you're enjoying reading as much I am writing!