Chapter 13
I couldn't see anything, everything was completely dark. I could hear muffled voices but couldn't make out any of the words, it was like someone had put a blindfold over my eyes. I couldn't speak or scream, it was like I was completely paralyzed. Was this what it was like to be dead? Laying in an empty void not being able to move? I could also hear hurried commands being made, I could barely remember that I was in a hospital. I hoped they could pull me out of this mess, I don't want to die, I want to live and be with my friends and brothers. I couldn't stop thinking of how badly my death would affect the gang, I don't think it would be the same. Darry and Pony would be completely devastated, they would lose three people they loved in just a span of a little over a year. I didn't want to break their hearts like this, I didn't want anyone to be hurt because of a mistake I made. Not Johnny, not Steve, not Darry, not Pony and even Two-Bit and Dallas. I didn't want them to have to watch me be put into a grave just because my hand slipped.
Please, God, help me...I softly begged.
I felt a strange pressure on my chest, over and over. I couldn't make out what they were doing to me, I couldn't really understand anything. I just wanted to live, that's what I was fighting for. Suddenly, I slightly opened my eyes and saw a lot of people standing over me. They flashed a light into my eyes and I winced away from it, their stares seemed to soften after I winced. They all moved slower than earlier, I didn't hear anymore panicked demands, they were just softly asking each other of things. I felt really tired but I forced my eyes all the way open, I slowly scanned the room. A woman noticed me and slowly approached me, she took a light grasp of my hand.
"You're going to be alright, honey." She said softly and slightly squeezed my hand.
I tried to speak but nothing came out, I simply looked at her and nodded slowly. She let go of my hand and went to help someone else that was in the room. I felt another person grab my right arm and stick me with a needle. I slightly jumped and stared up at them, it was a pretty young man. He adjusted the needle and some other things, he looked down at me. I gave him a confused look considering I still couldn't talk for some odd reason.
"I'm giving you some blood, you lost quite a lot of it from what your brother told me." He explained and I looked at him in surprise.
I knew I was bleeding more than usual but I didn't know I bled enough to need a blood transfusion. I saw a stranger in the doorway in a full green suit, moping up what seemed to be my blood. I couldn't see the trail but I was sure it lead to my bed and I looked at my right hand, there were blood stains on my bed and I had a bandage on my wrist. I saw my skin was pretty pale now, I had never really been close to pale before. I looked up at the ceiling and felt my eyelids get heavy, I heard someone snap their fingers.
"Before you fall asleep, sir, when would you like to have visitors? You already have six out there." The woman from earlier asked.
I guess Darry probably called Steve and told him to hurry down here, I'm sure he's going to be a mess when he comes to see me. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face anyone yet, especially all at once.
"Maybe after I wake up and only one at a time, I don't think I'll be able to face them all at one time.." I said and looked down.
"Alright, I'll go tell them right now." She said with a kind smile and walked away from my bed.
I sat awake for a moment longer, not quite yet feeling thankful that these people saved my life. I yawned and slowly fell asleep, it was the best sleep I've had in a long time.
. . .
When I finally woke up I noticed it was daylight now, I was surprised, how long did I sleep? I slowly sat up using only my left arm but then I noticed the needle was gone, I shrugged. I didn't see a clock or a calender, I sat in silent confusion. The woman from last night walked in and instantly took noticed of me being awake. She walked over to me and smiled.
"It's nice to see you awake, you slept for over twelve hours! I'm personally impressed." She said and softly giggled.
I stared at her in deep shock, over twelve hours? I don't think I've ever done that before. She took notice of my shock and sighed, she seemed pretty concerned.
"Would you like to see your visitors? Only one stayed, Darrel is his name, says he's your oldest brother." She asked.
I nodded, I really needed to see Darry. I needed to tell him how sorry I was about betraying his trust and how sorry I was about how badly I had treated him for the past month or so. I hoped he wasn't mad at me for all of this, I knew this hospital stay wasn't going to be cheap, I felt bad about it already. I felt really thankful that the doctors and nurses could save myself though, I didn't think I would make it. I looked up at this woman and just noticed what she looked like. She had light brown hair that was pulled back into a tight bun and rose colored glasses, she had freckles scattered all over her face like stars. I thought she looked rather young to be a nurse, she only looked twelve.
"Are you sure you're even old enough to work here?" I asked humorously.
"I get that a lot, I'm actually almost thirty, time flies." She said as she walked to the doorway.
"I'll be sure to tell your brother you're in a pretty nice mood along with being awake." She said before she left.
I was slightly nervous about seeing Darry, I wasn't sure what mood he would be in. I knew he didn't like hospitals all too well and this one was especially creepy to him. I simply waited for Darry, I didn't know what to expect from him, would he be mad at me? I didn't know what to think. I slowly laid back down onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, my stomach was twisted in a nervous knot. I didn't move at all for what felt like minutes, I didn't want Darry to be disappointed in me for what happened. I heard a soft tap on the door and I sat back up, I wish I could find how to sit this bed up. The nurse from before and Darry were looking at me from the doorway, Darry seemed to have a heavily uneasy look in his eyes. The nurse walked over to my bed and knelt down beside me.
"Sorry, dear, I should've adjusted your bed earlier." She said and I felt my bed slightly lift up.
"Is that good?" She asked.
"Y-Yeah, that's fine." I said nervously and she smiled.
"I'll leave you two alone to talk." She said as she walked over to the door and shut it behind herself.
Darry stared at the wooden door for a moment, he looked like he was deeply contemplating to himself. I gulped, waiting to be told I was an idiot and that I was needed to be put in some asylum somewhere. He slowly turned to me and I was shocked to see tears in my older brother's eyes, I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he slowly approached me.
"S-Soda.." He whispered and covered his mouth with his hand as he let a sob escape.
"Darry?" I asked as he moved his hand from his mouth.
"I thought I lost you, Soda, I thought I lost you for good.." Darry gasped and bent down, he pulled me into his strong arms.
I sat in surprise, I thought he would be angry at me for this happening, I just sat still in his arms. Darry pulled away and looked into my eyes, he had tears all over his face.
"Y-You're not mad at me?" I asked.
Darry shook his head, "no, no I'm not, Pepsi-Cola." He whimpered and sobbed some more into my shoulder.
"Darry, I didn't mean for this to happen, m-my hand slipped a-" I tried to explain but he hushed me up by putting a finger to my lips.
"No, don't apologize. I should've noticed you were so depressed, I should've known you were hurting yourself...I should've.." Darry trailed off and I saw another tear slip from his eyes.
I wanted to take the blame for all of this, I knew it was all my fault. Darry let me go and just scanned my face, I felt uncomfortable by his stare.
"Can I ask you something, Soda?" He asked, his voice had an unfamiliar quiver in it.
"Sure, go ahead.." I said slowly.
"Do..Do you blame me for not making you go see Amy? Is this all my fault? I didn't want this to happen, I didn't.." Darry said and sobbed once again.
I didn't know how to answer, I couldn't even force my mouth to open to articulate anything meaningful. He scanned me with a deep anguish in his eyes, I couldn't even begin to think how much he was hurting right now. I just didn't want to see Amy, it wasn't her fault it was my own.
"Dar, I just didn't want to see Amy..I didn't want to be told I was sick, I didn't want to lose Pony..I didn't want all of this.." I said and felt tears well up in my own eyes.
"You still love, Ponyboy, don't you?" He asked.
"I know I'm a screw up, I shouldn't be in love with him but he makes me so happy. My heart feels so warm when I have him in my arms, I feel so content. No girl has ever made me feel this way, they don't even compare to how Pony makes me feel by just smiling." I said and softly smiled from remembering Pony's smile.
Darry sighed, "Pony told me last night he still loves you and couldn't make anything else make sense. He was crying so hard I thought he was going to pass out."
I suddenly felt concerned about Pony, I hoped he was okay back at home. or wherever he was.
"I-Is Pony okay?" I asked.
Darry shook his head, "he's a wreck, he couldn't even get out of bed this morning without collapsing to the floor and bawling his eyes out for an hour." He explained and I sighed heavily.
I broke Pony's heart, I couldn't even imagine how he would feel if I had died. I wanted to see him but at the same time, I didn't want to see him cry on top of me. Darry softly pet my cheek,
"I don't know if you wanna see Pony but..I'm sure he's out there. I called him a few minutes ago and told him to get down here." Darry softly said and I could do was nod.
"You want me to send him back here?" Darry asked soothingly.
I huffed, I was so concerned about what reaction Pony would give me. I've never really seen him break down other than at our parent's funeral and when he got jumped that one time, he tried so hard to be tough. I knew he wasn't tough, he wasn't soft either, he was just being Ponyboy.
"Yeah, send him back here." I said with a fake smile, I didn't want Darry to worry anymore.
"He'll be back in a few moments, I bet he's going to run down here." Darry said with a soft chuckle as he walked to the door.
"I'll talk to ya later, Steve said he would be here in a few as well. I don't know when the rest will get here." Darry said before he shut the door.
I wondered what I looked like, I didn't want to look like a mess in front of Pony. I ran my fingers through my hair and combed through to make it look at least half decent. I hoped the bags under my eyes weren't too bad and there was nothing I could do about my pale skin. I sat in my quiet room, waiting for Pony so he could freak out and get it over with. I heard the door click and I snapped my head toward the door, Pony stepped inside and stared at the floor. His auburn hair was an uncombed mess and he looked rather tired, he slowly looked up at me. His eyes looked like they were drooping down his face from how many tears just fell down all at one time when he saw me. It broke my heart to see him so hurt and helpless, he started to take baby steps toward me.
"Sodapop..?" Pony questioned as he approached the side of my bed.
"Pony.." I softly replied.
Pony sobbed loudly, "Soda!" He cried and buried his face into my chest.
I softly pet him as he sobbed into my chest, he had practically climbed into the bed with me, I didn't mind though. He slowly pulled his head up and wiped his nose on his wrist, he was panting softly.
"S-Soda, I thought you were gone, I was scared I wasn't going to see you alive ever again." Pony sobbed and hugged me close.
I returned the hug and softly shushed him as a way to soothe him, his crying slowed some. Pony sat on my lap and stared down at me, I could barely handle the pain in his green eyes. I slowly ran my hands up his thighs to his hips, I missed touching him so much.
"Mmnn.." Pony softly moaned and I smirked slightly.
"I-I didn't know you're cutting was that bad, Soda.." Pony whispered as he grabbed my left hand and looked at my scars and rather fresh wounds.
"I-I lost control at some point and kept cutting, I don't know what took over me that time. I didn't mean for this time to happen, Pony, I didn't mean to hurt you." I said and my voice cracked mid-sentence.
"Come here.." Pony whispered and put his face close to mine.
"Oh, Pony." I breathed and deeply kissed him.
Pony softly moaned into our kiss and I wrapped my arms around him. Pony slowly trailed his tongue over my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to let him inside. He quickly violated my mouth but I returned the favor with my own tongue. Pony had the white sheets bunched in his fists as he slowly pet my tongue with his own, I moaned as I attacked his tongue. He slightly jumped but settled back down, he continued to make out with me. I was running out of breath so I pulled away, I was panting heavily.
"Pony, I missed you so much.." I whimpered as I softly nibbled on his ear.
"Soda..mmm.." Pony softly hummed as he buried his face into my shoulder.
I could feel myself getting a bit too excited so I stopped, Pony looked at me confused.
"I don't think we should do anything sexual here..maybe when I get home..well, that is if Darry let's us stay around each other." I said and hoped Darry would have some sort of pity on me and Pony.
Pony sat up, "I think I'm going to talk to Darry about it, I really don't want to lose you, Soda. The last couple of months have been pure torture for me. I would have so many nightmares but you weren't there to hold me and kiss me..I hated it.." Pony said softly and looked down at his lap.
I hoped Pony could convince Darry to let us stay together, I couldn't live without Pony. He was my future and it's going to be cheesy but, he's my everything. I slowly pulled him toward me again and deeply kissed him and just sat there, I just loved having his lips locked to mine. Pony returned the kiss and slowly ran his fingers over my cheek. I pulled away and smiled, I couldn't get enough of him.
"Soda, can I ask something?" Pony asked, he seemed hesitant,
I shrugged, "sure, why not?" I said.
"I read a book one time and it had something like this in it..do you think they'll force you into an asylum?" Pony asked slowly.
I froze and looked at him like he was crazy. I wondered if they would lock me up for the rest of my life for this, I wasn't sure how they treated these sort of problems. I gulped, feeling horrified of being locked up in an asylum.
"I-I don't know, Pony, I don't wanna be in one." I said quickly, almost tripping up on my words a couple times.
"I scared you, didn't I? I'm sorry, Soda.." Pony said sadly and faltered.
"No, it's alright, it was something I just didn't think about." I said and sighed.
"I think in real life they give you a choice, at least I hope they do." Pony uttered and ran his fingers through his hair.
Me and Pony sat in silence, the first silence between us in a while that wasn't full of awkwardness. He sighed and gave me a soft lustful look. I raised an eyebrow at him, confused on what he was thinking but it didn't look appropriate.
"Pony, what are you thinking?" I asked as he lifted himself up so pull the blanket off of my crotch.
Pony slowly ran his hand down to the brim of my jeans, I shivered from his touch but gave him a concerned look.
"I think we should wait, I don't want anyone to see us." I said quickly but he slowly ran his finger around my jeans.
"I don't care what anyone thinks anymore, you're mine and I want to show you you're mine." Pony said lustfully.
I blushed softly, it was weird to hear Pony speak in such a way. I quietly watched as he ran his hand to my pants button and undid it, he looked up at me.
"You want me to stop?" Pony asked, his tone aroused me so much I could barely handle it.
"No, please don't stop.." I panted in anticipation.
Pony slowly unzipped my jeans and placed his hands to pull my pants and boxers downs some. I lifted my hips off the bed for a moment so he could pull them down, he pulled them down and left me exposed. I was blushing softly, I couldn't help but feel so vulnerable. Pony gripped my erection and slowly rubbed it, he softly kissed me on the nose. I panted as he jerked me faster, I missed his touch so much.
"Pony, oh, God.." I moaned and clawed the sheets.
Pony softly smiled as he slowly moved down to face my member, I watched him in slight confusion. Pony never really gave me oral a lot, I always assumed it wasn't his forte and I never forced him. I slowly circled his tongue over my tip and caused me to gasp. He swirled his tongue over my tip over and over and I began to forget where I was and began to concentrate on the pleasure. He slowly began to slip my dick into his hot mouth and I slightly bucked my hips, it's been so long since I had been pleasured. I moaned loudly as he bobbed his head at a fast pace, I tangled my fingers into his thick hair. Pony suddenly deep throated me, I gasped really loud and tightened my grip on his hair. Pony moaned on my cock and continued to bob his head back and forth, I ran my fingers through his hair.
"P-Pony, yesss.." I hissed in ecstasy.
Pony pulled my member from his mouth and panted, he looked up at me. I saw the string of saliva that connected Pony's lips to my length, he slowly jerked me off.
"Soda..I need you.." Pony breathed.
"I don't know if we should.." I excused, I didn't want to be caught by anyone here.
"Ugh, I'm going to have to wait so long.." Pony pouted and slowly licked down my erection then back up to my tip.
"Aaahh.." I moaned and Pony snickered.
"I'm basically just teasing you right now." Pony said and slipped my erection back into his mouth.
I whimpered from feeling his wet, hot mouth surround my dick once again, I could barely handle it anymore. Pony knew exactly where to lick me, I was running my fingers through his hair once again. Pony moaned on my cock again and caused me to writhe beneath him, I was gasping and moaning.
"I-I'm gonna cum.." I breathed and felt a familiar warmth in between my legs.
Pony didn't stop, he just kept sucking me off, I grunted when I knew I couldn't hold back anymore.
"Fuck!" I gasped and came heavily inside of Pony's mouth, it was more than usual.
Pony swallowed all he could before he pulled my member from his mouth, some of my semen leaked from the corner of his mouth, I smiled nervously at him.
"Sorry, it has been a couple months since I've actually done that.." I admitted and Pony just swallowed what was left in his mouth.
"It's alright, I just didn't expect that much from you." Pony giggled and left a soft kiss on my lips.
I saw some of my cum was dripping down my member, I blushed hard knowing I had definately let out more than I needed to. Pony noticed my blush and softly brushed my bangs from my eyes, I looked into his green eyes.
"I can't wait until you can come home. How long will it take?" He asked as he crawled out of the bed.
"Maybe a couple more days, I think they have me under observation or whatever." I explained and sighed.
Pony kissed my forehead, "I love you, Soda. I hope you get to come home soon, I'll be waiting." He whispered as he walked to the door.
"I love you, too, Pony. I'll be happy when I get to come home." I said to him as he opened the door.
Pony smiled at me, "bye, Soda. I think Steve might be here in a few, he really wanted to talk with you." He said and closed my door.
I froze, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see Steve's reaction. I don't know if he would yell, cry or both, his emotions were so weird and I could never read him correctly. All I could do was wait for Steve to come see me, I'm sure the nurse would notify me before he was even allowed back here. It wasn't because I didn't want to see my best friend, I just didn't want to see him hurt. I hadn't really seen Steve cry all that much throughout our friendship but I knew seeing tears fall from his brown eyes made my heart break. I fixed my pants and pulled the blanket back over my stomach, all I could do was stare at the ceiling. I realized these few days were going to be so slow, I hated having to lay in one place all day. I thought maybe I could convince them to let me at least stand up so I didn't fidget like an idiot due to my restlessness. I heard my door open and I looked at the door, it was the nurse again. She approached me and I looked up at her, silently wondering what her name was.
"That was a long visit, I thought he would never leave." She giggled and noticed the sheets were a mess.
"You want us to fix those?" She asked and I shook my head.
"No, it's fine..what's your name?" I asked.
"Oh! I'm sorry I never told you. I'm so scatterbrained. It's Lisa Greene, just call me Lisa." She said with a friendly smile.
"Lisa Greene, you have a pretty name." I complimented.
"Thank ya, Sodapop is a unique name. I wish my parents were orginal like that." She said and sighed.
"Anyway, there's another visitor here. We're supposed to only allow family but your brothers told us it was okay. His name is Steve Randle, he said he's been your best friend since middle school." Lisa explained.
I sighed heavily, I guess it was bound to happen anyway. I knew Steve would get to me somehow even if he had to climb through the window to get in here, it was inevitable.
"Send him in, I know he won't take no as an answer." I said and chuckled.
"If you don't want to see him we can tell him you are tired or something. If he tries anything we'll just call security." Lisa said.
"No, it's fine. He's just really stubborn is all. Send him back." I said and she walked to the door.
"He'll be back in a moment." She said and closed the door.
I waited for Steve to get in here, I knew it would only be a matter of seconds. Steve always moved really quickly when his emotions were going and there was nothing that could block him from what he wanted. I let out a soft sigh, preparing myself for his reaction and his questions. I heard my door quickly open and I looked up to see Steve standing in the doorway, his eyes fixated on me like I had been gone for years. He shut the door and sort of slammed it, I winced.
"Steve, don't slam the door. I don't think they appreciate it." I said with a smile, trying to keep myself calm.
"Soda, are you okay? I've been so worried and I was scared you were gone and Oh, God.." Steve said quickly and softly touched my face.
"Stevie, I'm fine now." I assured and he sobbed.
"Soda, I should've done something, shouldn't I? I feel so awful." Steve whimpered but tried so hard to keep the tears inside.
"You can cry if you need to, it seems to be a theme today." I said in a slight humorous tone and he got down on his knees.
There was no rail on my bed so it was easy for him to just lie his face down onto the bed and sob heavily into the bed. I softly cooed at him to try and get him to calm down, I pet him slowly. Steve slowly lifted his head so he could look up at me, he scanned over my face.
"You look so sick, Soda.." He softly said and I was surprised.
I didn't know what I looked like at all, I bet it was the bags under my eyes, those wouldn't go away for a long time. Steve gingerly grabbed my arm and looked at my scars, he covered his mouth with his free hand. He ran his eyes over my forearm in silent shock, I just watched him in shame. He laid my arm down onto the bed and looked at me, I saw a tear roll down his face.
"Soda, I was so scared. I thought I had lost my best buddy in the world, no one could ever replace you and I just wouldn't be the same." Steve sniffled as he stood.
"I didn't wanna hurt you, Stevie, I just felt so trapped and lost. Everything seemed so dark and I felt like there was no escape, I could barely get the willpower to wake up anymore." I explained the best I could, I wasn't sure if Steve would understand.
"You could've talked to me! You know I'd listen!" Steve cried.
"I felt like no one would understand, I was hurting myself and I didn't want people to look at me like a complete moron!" I defended and sniffled, now my emotions were stirred up.
Steve paused and just sat in the green chair that was by the bed, he buried his face into his hands. He sat still for a moment, seeming to be thinking to himself. I didn't say anything, I just let Steve try and collect himself better. Steve didn't have a good grip on his emotions in these times of moments so I didn't get all that upset, I was used to it by now. Steve let out a huge sigh and stood back up, he walked back to my bed.
"Soda, I'm sorry, I shouldn't try and make you more depressed than you already are." He apologized and took in a shaky breath.
"S'okay, I understand." I said with a soothing smile.
"I-I know that you're not just going to stop. You need help, professional help. You need to tell Amy, maybe she can help you." Steve said, trying to help.
"No, I can't see her. I don't want to see her as a therapist again." I quickly said.
"Why not?" Steve asked.
"She was nice and all but I don't feel sick from me loving Pony. I could see someone new for it." I explained and he simply nodded.
"I just don't want to risk losing you again, the gang doesn't want to lose you." Steve said as he softly pet my cheek.
"I want to get better but I have a long road ahead of me." I said and felt nervous about my future.
Steve and I were quiet, I just couldn't force a conversation right now. I felt drained already from all the crying and what Pony did to my earlier, I yawned.
"You tired?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, I've been trying to catch up on sleep I've missed the last couple of months." I said with a friendly smile.
"I guess I'll get going so you can sleep, I skipped school today just to come visit you and make sure you were alright." Steve said and chuckled.
I forgot it was still in the middle of the week, I bet Darry even missed work just to come see me. I felt bad that I had messed up everyone's day just because I almost offed myself. I whimpered and Steve looked at me, I felt a tear fall down my cheek.
"Soda, don't cry. Nothing's your fault, the gang understands how hurt you are and how hurt Pony is by all this. Even Keith told me he wanted to try and talk with you now, it's all up to you." Steve cooed and wiped away my tear.
I actually wanted to talk to Two-Bit, I wanted to tell him sorry for how badly I treated him and tell him that I wanted to be his friend again. I knew it would take a lot to try and befriend him again but I was willing to take on the task.
"I'm sure I'll want to talk to him as soon as he can get here. I feel really bad about how I treated him.." I said while wiping away some other tears that fell, Steve ruffled my hair.
"I'll see you later, Soda." Steve said as he walked to the door.
"Bye, Steve." I said as he shut the door, he didn't slam it this time.
I was surprised by how Steve reacted, he didn't get all too riled up. I just felt tired, Darry, Pony and Steve's tears made me emotionally exhausted. I didn't like the fact that I had hurt them so badly but I wanted to make it all better, I had to see a therapist soon. I just wanted to get better, not just for me but for everyone else in the gang as well. They don't deserve to be stressed over nothing. I felt myself slowly slipping into sleep, I couldn't stop myself so I let myself fall asleep to take a nap.
. . .
I don't know what time it was when I woke up but it couldn't of been all that long, I yawned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I scanned my eyes over the white ceiling before I looked at the door because I heard it open. Lisa walked in and slightly jumped, her green eyes were wide as she walked over to me.
"You scared me! I didn't know you were awake, how did you sleep?" Lisa asked as her facial expression changed to a friendly smile.
"I slept pretty good, I haven't gotten a lot of sleep the past couple of months." I said and sighed.
"People usually sleep a lot here. I don't blame them, it's not like there's a lot to do." She said and and ran his hand over her white skirt.
"That reminds me of something..umm.. Lisa?" I asked and she looked at me.
"What is it, dear?" She questioned.
"Will they let me get up and walk around? I'm really restless and I don't like sitting in one space long." I explained and she shrugged.
"I would have to ask the doctor, it's all up to him on what you do." She said and I groaned.
"I just wanna go home." I complained and she pushed my hair out of my eyes.
"I know, I don't like having to sit in this place all the time. There's so many horrible things that happen here." She said and her eyes filled with sadness for a moment.
"I-I have another question." I quickly said, I hated to see her look so sad.
The sadness in her eyes faded and was replaced by a friendly look, her slight frown was now a smile.
"Do I have anymore visitors?" I asked.
"Yeah, there's two out there that want to go at the same time. Johnny Cade and Dallas Winston. You have a lot of people that care about you, you're very lucky." She said.
"Could you send them back? I'm still waiting for someone else to get here." I said and looked away from Lisa.
"Who is it? I can keep my eye out for them. Also, I'll talk" She said as she walked toward the door.
"His name is Keith Matthews and he has red hair, he also has grey eyes." I said and she nodded.
"I'll go get Johnny and Dallas, they will be here in a few moments." She said and left the room.
My visit with Dallas and Johnny wasn't overly interesting if you asked me. Johnny seemed to be a mess but didn't want to fall apart, Dallas stayed quiet and kicked at the floor a lot. I couldn't get a good look at Dallas but there seemed to even be some sort of sadness in his blue eyes. It shocked me to see even just a sliver of pain in those icy eyes, he refused to really look at me. Johnny didn't talk much either but he did seem super concerned about me by petting me a lot and asking if I was okay over and over. I would just smile and assure him I was fine. I talked with Johnny some and jumped when Dallas cleared his throat. I looked over at him and he was look between me and Johnny with a serious look on his face.
"Johnny, I need to talk to Soda." Dallas said and Johnny just looked at him.
"Okay." Johnny said and waved at me as he walked to the door.
Johnny walked out of the room and softly shut the door behind himself, I was left alone with Dallas. I closely watched him as he pulled a chair up to my bed, I winced from hearing the chair screeched against the tile. He plopped down into the chair and sat in deep thought for a moment. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was messing with the ring on his left hand. He heavily exhaled and refused to look at me, I was nervous about what he would say.
"Soda?" He asked, his voice sounded hoarse like he had been crying but I didn't dare assume Dallas had been crying in any form.
"Yeah?" I questioned and he groaned.
"Listen, I'm not good with mushy stuff and I know what I'm going to say may not make sense but whatever." Dallas said and ran his fingers through his blond hair.
"It's okay, Dally, just go ahead and say what you want." I said, trying
"I knew you were cutting yourself for a long time and," He paused and aggravatedly clawed his hair.
"A-And it shocked me if you want me to be honest." He finished, he was using a slightly sad tone, I had never heard him really speak like that before.
I waited for him to continue, he stared at the white bedsheets for a moment as he stroked his chin. Dallas opened his mouth but slowly shut it, he continued to contemplate. He cleared his throat and continued.
"Soda, you know I'm not emotional by any means but when I found out about this..I-I...I cried.." Dallas shyly admitted and I saw him softly blush in embarrassment.
I couldn't even speak, why was Dallas being so personal with me? I saw tears in his eyes for a moment before he quickly went to wipe his eyes, he sat back in his chair and let out a shaky sigh.
"I did something like you did...except I didn't go to the hospital. I used to hurt myself and one night, I cut too deep. I was only thirteen, I was so horrified. I was bleeding out on the bathroom floor and I tried to get my dad to help but he only called me a dumbass and left me there. I didn't know what to do, I was lucky I didn't die." Dallas said and let a sob slip from his lips.
I couldn't help but stare at him as he slowly broke down, he was panting as a way to hide his sobbing but I could tell he couldn't hold it together anymore. He broke down and began to cry into my bed, I didn't know what to do for him. I hesitated but I placed my hand on his head and slowly pet him, he continued to cry.
"Shh, Dally.." I cooed, slightly uncomfortable to see such a tough person completely lose it.
He lifted his head up from the bed and his tears shined in the light, he quickly wiped his face off with his jacket sleeve.
"Oh, fuck..I didn't mean to cry.." Dallas growled at himself.
"It's really okay, Dallas.." I said, trying to make him feel okay.
"No, I hate crying." He sighed heavily.
"Anyway, I just want you do know, I know exactly how you feel. I hate opening myself up so much but I'll do it for you since you need help. I'll listen when you want to talk but we'll have to be alone together when we talk." Dallas said and I sat silent for a moment.
"D-Dallas, I've never seen you like this before.." I said softly and he leaned forward.
"I know and don't get all that used to it, I'm trying to help you, are you going to let me?" Dallas asked with his typical serious tone and face.
I thought about it for a moment, not really knowing what to do. Dallas seemed really interested in helping me over this cutting thing but at the same time, I didn't want him to waste his time on me. Dallas likes to go out and have fun and I'm just going to hold him back from all the fun.
"I don't want to take you away from everything else you like to do.." I muttered and he scoffed.
"I've pretty much pissed off everyone I usually hang out with, I'm pretty good at that for some odd reason." Dallas said and chuckled softly.
I knew Dallas couldn't be a real therapist, I imagined Dallas as a therapist for a second and started laughing really hard. All I could see was Dallas with his hair combed back with expensive clothes on and I couldn't make the image leave my mind. Dallas raised an eyebrow at me and I tried really hard to stop.
"What's so funny?" He asked with a soft smile.
"I'm sorry, I just saw you as a therapist in my head." I said through my giggling and he rolled his eyes.
"I ain't smart enough to get one of those degrees or whatever." Dallas said as he stood up.
"You leavin'?" I asked.
"Yeah, I promised Johnny we would hang out today." He said and walked to the door.
"Hey, Dal?" I questioned.
He turned to me and I let out a soft sigh.
"Thank you Dally, I know you don't come out of your shell a lot but I really appreciated it." I said and smiled softly.
Dallas smiled, "it's not a big deal, I'll see ya later, Soda." He said as he waved at me.
I waved back as he stepped out of my room, I was left alone again. I was starting to hate being left alone but I figured I would have to get used to it. I didn't know exactly how long I would be in here but I really wanted to get out, the white walls were starting to get to me. I heard the door open and didn't bother to look who it was, it was most likely Lisa. I closed my eyes for a moment and expected Lisa to start talking to me but there was only silence. I was confused so I opened my eyes and jumped from who I saw.
"Keith?" I questioned and stared at him.
Two-Bit didn't do or say anything except stare at me with a deep sorrow in his grey eyes, he softly whimpered as he softly touched my cheek. I didn't really react other than continue to look up at him, I saw tears begin to brim in his eyes.
"I-I understand if you hate me, Soda but I had to express how sorry I am. I know I fucked up and what you and Pony wasn't my business but...but the incest freaked me out so much." Two-Bit sobbed and took in a deep breath, trying to hold himself together.
He slowly sat in the seat Dallas was sitting in earlier and buried his face into his hands, his shoulders shook with sobs. I couldn't really hear him sobbing and I know I should probably be pissed off at him but, I couldn't be happy over someone's tears. I reached out toward him but he quickly threw himself onto my bed and buried his face into my chest. He was sobbing so loudly I swear wo-Bit was echoing off the walls, all this crying was making me beyond depressed myself. I had never seen Two-Bit cry like this before, I've only seen him cry only a couple times before but it was over trivial things. Two-Bit slowly sat up to look at me and he quickly wiped his nose with his wrist.
"S-Soda, I didn't mean for you to almost kill yourself. I didn't want any of this...I didn't.." Two-Bit panted, he almost seemed like he was about to hyperventilate.
"Two-Bit, you need to calm down." I cooed and he started to take slow, deep breaths.
"I know it's a long shot but Soda please.." Two-Bit breathed and laid his head on my chest again.
"What is it?" I asked, just wanting him to be okay.
"Please, forgive me. I know it won't happen instantly but please think about it." He pleaded, his voice had a strange quiver in it.
I really wanted to forgive Two-Bit, I knew that his reaction to me and Pony's relationship was only normal. I should've known that most people, including Two-Bit, don't condone incest. I just expected everyone to just accept it and that was ridiculous on my part, I slowly ran my fingers through Two-Bit's greasy hair.
"I know your reaction to me and Pony was only natural and I don't expect you to just get over it. I'm always going to love Ponyboy more than I should and that's how it's going to be." I said softly and he stared down at my chest.
"I don't think I can completely get over it but it's not my buisness, it never was. So, do you think we can work on our friendship and make it better?" Two-Bit asked.
I smiled, "sure, I don't wanna lose you, Keith, you're too funny to lose." I said and he smiled.
"Thanks, Soda. I'll try my best to understand you and Pony's relationship." He said and slowly stood from my bed.
"It'll take a lot of time, Keith, but it'll be okay." I said, completely sure it would all be alright.
"I-I'm sorry for crying, I'm sure you've had to deal with enough of it today." Two-Bit chuckled and wiped his tears away.
I shrugged, "meh, I've kinda gotten used to it now."
"I think I better get going, I kinda snuck back here.." Two-Bit said and quickly walked to the door.
I smiled, seeing Two-Bit just be Two-Bit was pretty funny to me, he waved at me.
"I'll see ya later, Soda." He said while opening the door.
"Bye, Two-Bit." I said and sighed contently as he walked out and closed the door behind himself.
I sat still for a moment, today was such an eventful day for me. I didn't expect everyone to be so concerned and sad about what happened, my depression made me think they hated me. I knew I could get better but it would be a long battle against myself. I needed their help more than anything right now and I was excited to get better soon for the gang and Ponyboy.