Cards Against Mobians

Sonic snatched up a question. "I drink to forget _."

Shadow smiled, instantly knowing what card to play. Silver took a while to choose.

"I drink to forget Eggman's robots. Yeah, I want to forget how lame some of them are. I drink to forget rolling around at the speed of sound. Now why would I ever want to forget that? I drink to forget Chris."

"We all drink to forget Chris." Shadow admitted.

"Who's Chris?" Silver asked.

"Don't ask. Just consider yourself fortunate."

"I drink to forget strict time limits. I don't need alcohol to forget those. I already forget them because I'm the fastest thing alive! I drink to forget Elise making out with your corpse. Goddamnit! Not this again!"

Everyone laughed at him, including Shadow.

Sonic pointed at Shadow. "That was you, wasn't it!"

"Well, you do drink to forget it, don't you?"

Sonic couldn't argue with that, so he moved on. "I drink to forget being a dick to children. Hey, I am not a dick to children!"

"If that's so, then why isn't Tails playing with us?" Knuckles reminded him.

"Well he's-! He's not-! He can't-! Um… he's not that upset about being left out, right?"

"You let Eggman play with us." Shadow pointed out.

"I'll… apologize to him later. This card wins."

Eggman smirked and held out his hand for the card. "I believe this makes me tied for the lead."

Knuckles became judge. "Doctor, you've gone too far! The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of _!"

"Eggman, what have you done this time?" Sonic asked with exaggerated exasperation.

"The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of poor life choices!"

"That's what Eggman's therapist tells him." Sonic sniped.

"I don't have a therapist!"

"And it really shows."

"The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of wisps! The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of tap dancing like there's no tomorrow!"

"Yeah Doctor, no one wants to see you dance." Amy sniped.

"The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of dead babies! The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of Sonic Boom! Yeah, imagine if we were all locked in a room together and forced to watch Sonic Boom. That'd be horrible. The human body wasn't meant to withstand that amount of erotic fanart!"

"Yeah, no one wants to see that." Shadow said.

"Sonic Boom wins." Knuckles declared.

"That's mine!" Cried Silver.

Rouge picked up the next card. "_ and Knuckles."

Knuckles experienced a sinking feeling as everyone chose their answers.

"A monkey smoking a cigar and Knuckles."

"That your new sidekick Knuckles?" Sonic asked.

"Darth Vader and Knuckles."

"The team-up everyone's been waiting for!" Sonic exclaimed.

"And ended when Knuckles ate him." Shadow recalled.

Knuckles glared. "I hate you."

"And that's what makes you and Vader such a great team." Sonic grinned cheekily.

"A big black dick and Knuckles. That's the title of Knuckles's sex tape."

Knuckles slammed his face against the table so hard, a piece broke off.

"Knuckles and Knuckles."

Knuckles would have said that this was the greatest team that the world had ever seen, but he just wasn't in the mood.

"Cards Against Mobians and Knuckles"

Knuckles considered this the worst team-up ever.

Rouge looked at the final card and giggled. Knuckles immediately knew what this meant.

"Being fat and stupid and Knuckles."

Knuckles slammed his face into the table so hard, it broke in half.

"Aw, great! Fat, stupid Knuckles broke the table!" Sonic complained.

After stopping Knuckles from chocking the life out of Sonic and setting up at a new table, Rouge declared Knuckles the winner, mostly for the sake of calming him down. It helped that Knuckles was the one to play that card.

Shadow read the next card. "That's right, I killed _. How, you ask? _."

"Yeah, we all had a feeling it was you." Silver said.

"That's right, I killed a sad ugly chao. How, you ask? The seven Chaos Emeralds."

"Isn't it a bit overkill to use all seven?" Sonic asked.

"Really? That's the part you question?' Amy demanded.

"Well I believe he would. Don't you?"

They looked at Shadow, who was still holding his assault rifle.

"…Okay, I believe."

Shadow rolled his eyes and kept going. "That's right, I killed Amy. How you ask? A really cool hat."

"Amy, if Shadow ever gives you a cool looking hat, run away." Sonic warned.

"That's right, I killed Nazis. How, you ask? The true meaning of Christmas."

"I don't think you know what the true meaning of Christmas is." Silver commented.

"That's right, I killed Professor Gerald." Shadow loaded a round into the chamber of his rifle. "How, you ask? Chaos Control." Shadow glared at everyone and they all avoided eye contact. "Whoever played that has some serious balls. But when I find who that person is, I'll be sure to shoot them off. That's right, I killed haters. How, you ask? Ribbon dancing."

"That's right, you show them haters!" Rouge encouraged.

"That's right, I killed Blaze."

"What?" Silver screamed.

"How, you ask? Wet dreams."

"How does that even work?" Silver asked.

"She had a dream about me that was so wet, she drowned in it."

Silver flailed his arms while sputtering nonsense.

"Dude, relax. You know Blaze is in the next car over, right?" Sonic reminded him.

"Ye-yeah… I knew that!"

"Then why is your face redder than Knuckles?" Sonic questioned.

"Uhh… Shadow, who wins?"

"Well after that spectacular reaction, I'm tempted to give it to Blaze and wet dreams. But I think I'll go with haters and ribbon dancing. Sonic, you remember last time?"

Sonic's smile faltered. "Yeah… that was a… good time."

"Give me my card already!" Eggman demanded. "And I officially take the lead!"

Silver gulped and drew the next card. "_. Good to the last drop."

Everyone struggled to choose an answer.

"One trillion dollars. Good to the last drop. Green Hill Zone. Good to the last drop. Solving problems with violence. Good to the last drop. Adventure! Good to the last drop. Self-loathing. Good to the last drop. A balanced breakfast. Good to the last drop. Gosh, none of these are particularly interesting. I guess self-loathing?"

Sonic raised his hand. "That's mine."

Eggman grabbed the next card. "A recently laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to exposed to _."

Answers were quickly chosen.

"They have less sex after being exposed to an evil man in evil cloths."

"So, after being exposed to Eggman? That makes sense." Sonic said.

"They have less sex after being exposed to world peace."

"No such thing." Shadow grumbled.

"They have less sex after being exposed to praying the gay away."

"Let me guess, this study was being conducted by Evangelical Christians?" Shadow asked.

"They have less sex after being exposed to crippling debt."

"Yeah, cause now they don't have money to hire prostitutes." Knuckles commented.

"They have less sex after being exposed to police brutality. They have less sex after being exposed to Omochao talking dirty."

"I know I'd have less sex after being exposed to that." Rouge expressed.

"Well, then it wins."

"Mine!" Sonic called.

Amy drew another question. "What did Vector eat for dinner?"

White cards were placed down.

"The biolizard."

"The giant mutant lizard- thing?" Knuckles asked.

"If it gets the ugly remains of that thing off the Ark without my having to do it or pay for it, then I say let him." Shadow said tersely.

"A falcon with a cap on its head. Centaurs. Crystal meth."

"Guys, I think Vector needs some help." Silver said.

"The Black Arms."

"Vector seems to be making a habit of eating things killed by Shadow." Eggman observed.

"Cream and Cheese."

"So does that mean regular cream and cheese or…" Sonic trailed off. "You know what? It's definitely regular cream and cheese. Definitely."

"Yeah, definitely." Amy agreed. "Cream and Cheese wins."

"One step closer to victory." Eggman smiled confidently.

Current Score

Sonic: 10

Knuckles: 11

Rouge: 13

Shadow: 13

Silver: 14

Eggman: 16

Amy: 14