Chapter Thirteen
Gibbs hurried through the halls of NCIS towards the daycare. Noah's appointment with his new therapist was in less than an hour and he was running late. When he arrived he was happy to find Noah's teachers had already helped him get his shoes on and the little boy was ready to go. He thanked the women then lifted Noah into his arms and hurried out to his car.
"Why we go fast?" Noah asked.
"We're running late, Bud," Gibbs answered. "How was school this morning? Did you have fun?"
Noah shrugged his shoulders. "Matty getted in trouble for pullin' Katie's hair and him had to sit in timeout."
"That wasn't very nice," Gibbs said. "Did you pull Katie's hair too?"
Noah shook his head. "I didn't wanted her to be mad at me."
"Good boy," Gibbs praised. He stood Noah by the back door of his car, unlocked it then opened the door for the four year old. After making sure he was buckled, Gibbs got in the car and hurried off towards the therapist's office. Ducky had both recommended and set up an appointment with Cameron Bartlet, one of his closest friends, which was a little bit of a relief to Gibbs. He didn't know where to start or how to pick someone to trust with something as fragile as Noah's emotional wellbeing. He parked the car in front of the therapist's office with only two minutes to spare.
"Are you ready to go meet this guy, Noah?" he asked opening the back door of the car for the little boy.
Noah got out and stood just staring at the small building. "Is you leaving me here?" he asked.
Gibbs didn't miss the fear in his little boy's voice and was wishing he had more time to sit in the waiting room to ease him into being there. "I'll be with you the whole time," he promised as he lifted Noah into his arms and carried him into the building.
"Syndi, have you heard from Noah Tate? Is he on his way?"
"Here," Gibbs said entering the small waiting room. "I got hung up at work."
"No big deal," the dark haired, middle aged man said extending his hand to Gibbs. "Cameron Bartlet, you can both just call me Cameron."
"Jethro Gibbs," Gibbs said as he shook the man's hand, "and this is Noah."
Noah tightened his grip around Gibbs' neck and kept his head buried in the agent's shirt. Gibbs followed Cameron back to his office and sat down in one of the chairs with Noah. His attempt to rotate the little boy around in his lap resulted in claw marks in his neck as Noah refused to loosen his grip.
"Noah, Buddy, can you turn around and look at the doctor?" Gibbs whispered. "You can still sit in my lap." Noah shook his head and held firmly. "He's painfully shy," Gibbs explained to the therapist.
"That's okay," Cameron said as he grabbed his notebook and pen, "takes everyone some time to adjust."
Gibbs rubbed his hand up and down Noah's back. He could feel the tension in his body. "Can you slide down and sit in my lap, Kiddo?" he asked. "I think we'll both be a little more comfortable that way." He pried Noah's hands from his neck and lowered the little boy into his lap, Noah grabbing at him, desperately trying to find something to hold onto. Gibbs settled him in his lap and readjusted his shirt while Noah wrapped his arms around Gibbs' midsection and held onto his polo shirt so tight his knuckles turned white.
"Maybe you and I can talk for a minute while Noah relaxes," Cameron said as Gibbs wrapped his arms around the little boy and kissed the top of his head.
Gibbs filled Cameron in on what Ducky hadn't told him yet and expounded on some of the things the medical examiner had already told him. Half way into their session Noah still refused to even look at the therapist. The only thing he wanted to do was sit with his face buried in Gibbs' chest.
"I'd like to speak with Noah in private, with you permission," Cameron said. "Sometimes children feel a little more comfortable opening up when there isn't another adult in the room."
Gibbs shook his head, not liking the idea at all. He'd promised Noah he wouldn't leave him alone. The last thing he wanted to do was add to the little boy's abandonment issues, especially when he was so scared already. "I don't think so," he said. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"I know it's hard," Cameron said, "and it probably seems a little cruel but I can assure you that it's for the best. Noah and I are just going to play some games and play with some toys while we chat for a little bit. He'll know that you're right outside in the waiting room the whole time."
Gibbs still wasn't convinced and the fingernails digging into his back told him Noah wasn't liking the idea anymore than he was. "I, uh, no, I don't think this is going to work out," he said as he stood with Noah. "We've got to go."
"Agent Gibbs?" Cameron asked as the man walked out of his office. "Agent Gibbs, please."Before he could finish his sentence, Gibbs and Noah were gone.
Ducky was boldly sitting at Gibbs' desk when the special agent returned, Noah in tow. He'd received a call from his good friend, asking for a little help. Tony, Ziva and Tim were all sitting at their desks, pretending to work but paying more attention to what Gibbs was going to say to Ducky.
"Noah, would you be a good lad and sit with your Uncle Tony for a minute while I have a word with your— uh, with Gibbs?" Ducky asked.
Gibbs smiled at his little boy and motioned with his head for him to go see Tony then followed Ducky to the elevator.
"How are you doing, Little Man?" Tony asked as Noah walked over to his desk. "Do you want to sit on my lap?" Fear flashed across Noah's face at the question but he remembered what Gibbs had told him that weekend. "I'm not going to hurt you," Tony said gently. He'd heard from Abby what had happened when she'd asked the four year old the same question.
"Okay," Noah said.
Tony lifted the little boy up and put him on his lap so they were facing each other. "So, did you get to meet Cameron?"
Noah sat stiffly in Tony's lap looking up at the agent. "I don't—I-I don't like it there."
"You don't?" Tony asked playing as if he were shocked. "I bet you didn't get a chance to play with all his really cool toys. Did you play with the toys?"
"No," Noah said relaxing slightly. "Him doesn't have any toys but I didn't wanted to anyways."
"Why not?" Tony gently squeezed Noah's shoulder as a show of affection as he searched his eyes. The fear was evident and the special agent wished he could take it away.
"I didn't wanted Gibbs to leave me there," Noah explained.
Tony thought for a minute, trying to figure out how to best respond to Noah's fear. He preferred making people laugh but he could get serious when need be. "Sometimes we have to do things that seem a little bit scary and we can't always have our daddy there with us," he started, "but Papa Gibbs would never ever ever leave you somewhere and not come back to get you."
"What is papa?" Noah asked curiously.
"Papa is another word for daddy," Tony explained. He'd forgotten Noah hadn't had any real male influence in his life, or any motherly influence for that matter.
"Is Gibbs your daddy too?" Noah asked. "Him telled me that him was my daddy now."
"Uh, I'm kind of like you," Tony said. "Gibbs kind of adopted me." Noah looked up at the agent in awe. "He adopted Ziva and Little Timmy and Abby too. We're kind of like your brothers and sisters."
"Wow," Noah said.
"Can you do me a favor, little brother?" Tony asked. "Can you give Cameron one more shot? Can you play with some of his toys and maybe talk to him a tiny bit while you play?" Noah looked at his newfound big brother, unsure about his request. "Can you do that if I promise you that Daddy Gibbs will be out in the waiting room the whole time?"
"I will try to," Noah finally agreed, his shaky voice revealing the same fear his eyes held.
"Alright," Tony said, "you're a good man, Noah." Tony glanced over at his coworkers who were watching him intently with impressed looks on their faces. He leaned slightly closer to Noah and lowered his voice. "Wanna know a secret?" Noah nodded and leaned a bit closer to Tony. "I bet when you're all done talking to Cameron, Daddy's going to get you a special treat."
"Treat?" Noah asked. He thought back to the first day he'd met Gibbs. "Like after a hospital? Him taked me to getted a ice cream!"
"See," Tony said, "'cause our Daddy is the coolest! He always rewards us when we're good boys."
"Tony," Noah said quietly, seriousness set on his face.
"What Buddy?"
"I'm 'cared," Noah admitted.
"I know, Kiddo," Tony said, "and it's perfectly okay to be scared. Cameron is going to help you to not be so scared all the time. It's going to take some hard work and he might ask you to talk about some scary things but only because he wants to help you. Know what else? I know you can do it 'cause you're my little brother and you're strong." Tony gave Noah a tight hug and kissed the side of his head.
Ducky and Gibbs stepped into the elevator and Ducky immediately flipped the emergency stop switch. "He wanted me to leave Noah in there by himself, Duck," Gibbs said defensively, knowing what Ducky was going to say. "I didn't want him to think I was abandoning him."
Ducky held up his hands, trying to calm Gibbs and get him to stop talking. "I know. Cameron called. I'm asking you to trust me. Cameron is very good. He knows what he's doing."
"And I can respect that," Gibbs interrupted, "but I didn't want leave Noah in there by himself."
"Jethro, I am fully aware of Noah's abandonment issues and you wanting to be sensitive to that but Cameron can help him work through it. I know it wasn't common practice to seek the advice of therapists back in our day but I can assure you, this will be beneficial for Noah."
"I'm not leaving him in there by himself, Ducky," Gibbs insisted.
"Noah has to learn that you cannot be by his side at all times," Ducky said firmly. "It's part of building trust. It's the same thing when you drop him off at daycare in the morning. He knows you'll come back in the evening to pick him up. When he goes to the therapist, you tell him you'll be in the waiting room and when he's all done you'll leave together."
Gibbs grumbled something incomprehensible as he shook his head. Before he had time to speak, Ducky flipped the switch to get the elevator moving again. "Come on," he said, "I'll go with you this time."
Under protest, Gibbs drove Noah and Ducky back to Cameron's office. Cameron was speaking to his receptionist when the three of them walked in. He smiled patiently at the group and looked at Ducky who nodded. "Noah, would you like to come back to my office and play for a little while?"
Noah looked up at Gibbs and he squeezed his child's hand. "It's okay," Gibbs assured him, "I'll be right here in the waiting room the whole time. I promise."
"You won't leave me?" Noah asked.
"You know what," Gibbs said as he reached his hand into his pocket, "I am going to give you the car keys that way you'll know I'm here because I can't leave without my keys, right?"
Noah took the keys in his shaky little hands and stared at them. Cameron patted Noah's back to get him moving in the direction of his office but the little boy jerked away. "Don't touch me," he said almost as if he were scolding the man.
"I'm sorry," Cameron said. "I won't touch you. Are you ready to go play?" With one more look back towards Gibbs, Noah reluctantly disappeared into Cameron's office.
Ducky and Syndi, Cameron's receptionist, watched as Gibbs paced the floor of the small waiting room. He would occasionally stop to study a piece of art on the wall or look out the window but it was pretty clear he was trying to expel some of his nervous energy. Ducky regaled Syndi with tales from his travels, fascinating the middle aged receptionist while they watched Gibbs out of the corner of their eyes.
Almost an hour after Noah disappeared into the therapist's office, the door opened and Cameron emerged. "Agent Gibbs, would you join us please?"
Gibbs was immediately in the room and found Noah sitting in a chair looking terrified. He lifted the little boy into his arms and hugged him tight. "How are you doing, Kiddo?" Noah's only response was to bury his face in Gibbs' shirt.
"We had a pretty good first session," Cameron said as he closed the door and sat down in his chair. "Noah and I played with some toys while we talked. He hasn't been sitting like that for the past hour." Gibbs sat down with the little boy in his lap and listened to the doctor. "I just wanted to touch on a few things I think might help based on what you've told me and what Noah and I have spoken about."
"Okay," Gibbs said running his hand through Noah's hair and rubbing his back.
"The first thing is the bedwetting," Cameron said. "From what I've heard, you've been handling it very well. Don't make a big deal out of it, nothing to shame him or punish him and all that's very important but it can still be damaging to his self esteem. Therapy will help but there are a couple things I'd like you to start doing. First, I'd like you to watch his fluid intake after dinner time. Reducing that will reduce his urine production. You don't have to cut him off completely but try to avoid juices, sodas and sugary drinks and no large glasses of water right before bed."
"Sounds easy enough," Gibbs said.
"Second, there's a technique called lifting that I'd like for you to try," Cameron continued. "Have Noah empty his bladder before you lay him down each night but then I want you to get him up a couple hours later and have him use the bathroom again. I'd recommend doing that right before you go to bed. You don't have to wake him fully, just enough to get him to the bathroom and let him empty his bladder. Working with him in therapy will take a little bit of time but I'm hoping these two techniques will give you some immediate results if for nothing else, for his self esteem."
"I can do that," Gibbs said.
"I'll check in with you next week and we'll talk about how that's going," Cameron said with a friendly smile. "The other thing I want to talk about is story time. "
"We have story time every night," Gibbs said feeling the need to defend himself.
"I know," Cameron said, "Noah told me all about it. He loves it. I recommend going to the library and getting some educational books for him. There are tons of books that will teach him his alphabet, numbers, shapes, colors, how to tell time, things like that. That will help him catch up to the other children his age which will in turn improve his self image. I would also recommend finding a book that focuses on good touch, bad touch. That seems to be a prevalent struggle and fear for Noah."
"We've talked about that a little bit," Gibbs said, "but I've noticed that too. Not knowing what is and isn't appropriate combined with his fear of messing up is paralyzing for him a lot of the time."
Cameron nodded his understanding. "We're going to work on that in therapy but these are things you can help him with at home too. Noah is a great kid, we've just got to show him that. He needs a lot of support and encouragement and positive reinforcement."
"We're working on all three of those," Gibbs assured the man.
"You're doing a great job," Cameron said as he shook Gibbs' hand. "Noah idolizes you."
Gibbs kissed the top of his little boy's head as he held him. Noah had gone back into hiding with his face planted firmly in Gibbs' shirt.
"There's one more thing I wanted to speak to you about," Cameron said. "I'd like your permission to introduce Noah to the anatomically correct dolls during our next session. It is controversial but I've found with children who a little bit shyer and quieter, like Noah, it helps them express things easier."
Gibbs felt an enormous weight at having to make that decision. He didn't have much experience working with children in that capacity so he couldn't draw on his own knowledge and it was another decision that had to be made without the use of a rule that told him what to do. He would've given anything to have Shannon by his side to talk through it and make the decision together. "What exactly are you planning on doing? Can you explain some of the possible risks and benefits? Let me give him to Ducky so I can try to understand this."
Gibbs passed Noah off to Ducky in the waiting room, assuring the little boy that he'd be right back. He returned to Cameron's office, pulled the door closed and sat down.
"I'd like to give Noah a male and a female doll to play with," Cameron started. "Noah's very quiet and I'm hoping the dolls can help us communicate. For example, I'm hoping as we talk about who touched him where, he can point to the doll and show me instead of having to say it out loud. I'm going to ask him to show me what's happened to him. The dolls are fully capable of performing just about any sex act. It's a way for children to communicate when they don't have the language to explain what happened. I'm thinking a lot of what happened to Noah are things he doesn't understand and things he most likely can't communicate to us. This could help with that. It can be intense but it can also help children express their feelings."
"And the risks?" Gibbs asked, really wishing he didn't have to make the decision.
"Some children experience traumatic responses to the dolls," Cameron said. "For example, it can intensify the nightmares and the bedwetting for several days following the session. It's important that he has a strong support system and I'm confident he has that with you."
Gibbs initial impulse to say no was halted by the possibility of making things easier on Noah. The little boy hadn't spoken to him much about what had happened and what the doctor was saying had made sense. He couldn't even begin to imagine how confused the child was. "Can I be in the room with him for it?"
"Sure," Cameron said.
There was another long, silent pause before Gibbs finally agreed to try it. He wasn't completely sold on the idea but more than anything he wanted to help Noah and if this was a way to accomplish that, he was willing to give it a shot. He said his goodbyes to the doctor, scheduled an appointment for the following week then he, Noah and Ducky headed back to NCIS, stopping for donuts and chocolate milk on the way.
Christina shivered in the cool of the night as she watched Gibbs and Noah through the window. They'd had dinner, Noah had had a bath, they'd either played a board game or worked a puzzle at the dining room table, she couldn't tell which, and now they were just settling in to watch a movie. Christian couldn't believe it. Her son didn't deserve to do anything fun. He didn't deserve the nice dinner he was fed, he didn't deserve to be clean, he didn't deserve to sit on the couch and enjoy an entertaining movie. That child was evil. He had his evil father's blood running through his veins. He caused pain and suffering to everyone he met. He didn't deserve anything nice, he didn't deserve to do anything fun. He was definitely going to have to pay.
As she shivered in the cold, she plotted. Originally she'd considered killing both of them with a bomb or a fire but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that would be giving them an easy out. Fear would haunt Noah and torture him much more than even the most painful death. She decided to kidnap her son, justifying that it wasn't kidnapping at all. Noah was her boy after all. In her mind she had every right to punish him however she saw fit. The boy was a danger to society. Nobody knew it yet but she was saving them from him, from what he would do in the future. She was the true hero.
All in all her plan was starting to come together quite nicely. She'd been staking out the house for the past few days, writing down everything from what time they arrived home to what time they went to bed. She was anxious to strike but forced herself to wait for the perfect opportunity. Gibbs was good, she knew she would only get one shot and she wasn't going to waste it.