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Chapter Thirteen-Song For You Part V
So I'm trying to put it right
'Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tired
And I don't know even where to start
He didn't start by addressing her. He wanted to get right to the point, and besides, it didn't feel right putting his name for her in writing when he hadn't said it in so long. It didn't even start with a "How are you? Hope you're well" sort of thing, because he was certain she was doing worse than he was. Besides, he was writing to tell her something of importance, not to chat.
I'm writing to admit my mistake, he began. When you said you couldn't change, that you didn't know how, I accepted it as fact. No offense, but I was stupid not to see how wrong you were. My own grief at your rejection masked what I should have felt from you: your feelings of incompetence. I'm sorry. I made the biggest mistake of my life not forcing you to realize what I knew for so long. The thing is, I forgot it for the moment. I forgot that you were scared. I forgot that you were unsure. But most importantly, I forgot that I loved you and would do anything for you. I told myself for so long not to push you, but that's over now. On our second case you pushed me to figure it out, to be a cop. You pushed me to be better, and it worked. I'm a better person because of you, and I'm sorry I didn't say so that night in the mild spring air. So here is my effort to put it right. You can change. You have changed. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing you say you can't do things. You can do anything. I know. I've seen you. Look, I don't know what will happen when we get back, or how we should start off, but I'd have a better picture (and I think you would too) if you wrote me back. I love you with everything that I am, and I want to have the chance to really show you that.
He left the letter unsigned and put his address at the bottom. Taking a deep breath, he sealed the envelope just as the postman came by. Giving the postman a soulful look the guy had probably seen 8,000 times before, he put his faith in fate once again.