A/N: Celebratory chapter, because I finally finished the Epilogue of this story and the finished product is exactly 120,000 words! (Right now, anyway. Once I'm done editing it'll all shake out) I'm so happy and yet kinda depressed (until I start on the sequel, anyway. All good things must come to an end WHEN I SAY SO).

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Chapter 13: The Lord Voldemort

The Dark Lord of the Wizarding World wished he had never made the Horcruxes so that he could just kill himself.

That was a joke. The Lord Voldemort did not seriously think about dying, unless it was concerning how to avoid it. He was a coward that way, he wasn't afraid to admit it. Some people (Gryffindors, like Dumbledore) took such offence when a person admitted to being a coward and didn't want to do anything about it, but look where they were now.

Hah! The Lord Voldemort smiled in that venomous, snakelike manner he had been perfecting ever since he first rose to power in what they called the First Wizarding War, and what he called the First Reign of Voldemort (this being the second of both, of course).

"Why are you smiling like a weirdo stalker?" The high screeching voice with the jarringly thick Japanese accent broke up his thought process, putting all the immense knowledge he had of the Dark Arts to the forefront of his mind. "Did you think of a plan to find him? Find him! Use your magic!"

The Lord Voldemort had dealt with several Death Eaters of several levels of aggravating, but he hadn't appreciated them enough, because this was the true meaning of irritation. He wondered what kept her alive, if she had horcruxes too or if she could be killed with a simple Avada Kedavra…

The lanky white monster gave him a sharp look through her one yellow eye, her dreadlocks and single dangling gold earring shifting with the wind that came in through his elaborately carved window (the Lord Voldemort would settle for nothing less than elaborate).

No, she had something better than Horcruxes, she had a guardian angel. What was it the monster had said? "It was a God of Death who gave you your gift, and if you harm my human, it will be a God of Death who takes it away." Liars and cheats, the lot of them. He had won his Horcruxes through hard work and determination, and this blond idiot was going to take it away because she made friends with the Death God she had summoned. It wasn't fair. If the idea had occurred to him, he would have made friends with Ryuk as well. Perhaps the Death God would protect him from death as well if he managed to please it enough.

The Lord Voldemort spared a glance to the feathery being in his black leather outfit and the creepy too-wide grin splitting his face. No, that wasn't likely. Rem was a better Death God than Ryuk. If only he had had the fortune to summon her when he had committed the sacrifices. He was sure he could have had her wrapped around his little finger, much like the Death Eaters he had seduced in his first few years as the Dark Lord.

He turned to the tiny blond girl in slow motion, his robes rustling fluidly around his skeletal white body, Nagini slithering lazily under his feet as he floated a few inches above the ground. All his followers bowed reverently, duly intimidated, but the blond girl only crossed her arms, pouting sulkily.

"You appear to be making too many demands, Misa Amane of the Other Dimension."

The girl stuck out her lip. "You said you'll find him soon! Keep your promise!"

"Misa Amane, I do not understand why you doubt my capabilities. I have shown you the magnificent extent of my powers, and the influence I have over the British Ministry of Magic. I assure you that my Death Eaters are out searching for the weapon even as we speak."

Misa gave him a suspicious look. "Don't call him a weapon! He's my boyfriend, and the minute you find him Misa-Misa is taking him home!"

The Lord Voldemort narrowed his red eyes, his catlike pupils looking more than menacing in the half-light of the evening.

"That was not our deal, Death God Rem." He rose to her eye-level, giving her his most terrifying glare, his fingers wrapped around the knotted stem of Lucius Malfoy's wand. "We have made a deal, and I expect you to honour the deal, or else I will destroy it." The Lord gave her a meaningful look.

Rem sighed, looking down at her blond companion. "Misa…"

"Yeah, yeah, Misa knows, for her own protection. Magic users can torture Misa and her Light in several ways, Misa understands."

"Then you will honour the pact." Lord Voldemort said in a deeply dramatic voice, his borrowed wand glowing green at the tip. Rem glared at him, stepping in front of Misa.

"Yes, Misa will honour the pact. Ugh." The girl rolled her eyes (rolled her eyes! She was so lucky she had a Death God protecting her; the minute she did something to displease Rem, Voldemort would be waiting with a handy little Avada Kedavra, he swore to God). "But don't call him a weapon, he is my Light."

The Dark Lord floated back down to ground level, and Nagini hissed, slithering around his feet and tasting the air with her tongue. "He is little more than a weapon to me at this moment. In due time, I shall forge a pact with him as well. The owners of the Death Notes are all allies of mine. Our purpose is the same, after all: dominance over the lesser beings. I believe your lover and I may have similar ideals. You do not need to fear treachery from me."

Rem nodded. "I thank you for your cooperation, Tom Riddle."

The Lord raised his nonexistent eyebrows. "You will refer to me as the Dark Lord, Rem."

Harry Potter jerked awake, his scar burning as he mumbled to anyone for help. His vision was blurred, his forehead felt swollen and stinging sharply, his mouth was dry and he could remember everything. He was in the Dark Lord's head, he was seeing the world through his eyes, and he had just seen what appeared to be the worst news possible for their side of the War.

"Hermione!" He rasped, flailing about. "Hermione!" The slim girl appeared as a bushy brown mass in his blurred vision, rushing to his aid and placing his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, Harry, are you alright? You don't look well, did you dream about You-Know-Who again?"

Harry nodded violently, reaching out for his phoenix-feather wand. "Hermione, he's on the move again, he isn't even thinking about the elder wand anymore. He has a new weapon, Hermione, he has this weapon that can kill anyone by writing their name in it, they don't have to be anywhere near him, all he needs is a name and a face. Oh, God, Hermione!" Harry was breathless, adjusting his glasses on his face and gasping. Hermione took his hands in hers, squeezing them reassuringly.

"Harry…I don't think a weapon like that exists, at least not as far as-"

"It's not from this world! Death Gods and blond girls and this man who has the weapon…You-Know-Who doesn't have the weapon, not yet, it's with this man who came from another dimension, he's lost here and Vold…You-Know-Who's looking for him. We're screwed, Hermione! If he finds him, we're screwed! He could kill us right now! We don't have a chance!"

Hermione's brow puckered, biting her lip. "Well…we still have time, don't we? We can find the rest of the Horcruxes. All we have left is Hufflepuff's cup, Ravenclaw's item and the snake. Only three more, Harry, don't lose hope."

Harry groaned. "It's too much, Hermione. He left us too much to do! Ron's right, this is hopeless."

"Well, it's all we can do! It's all we can do, Harry, we have to keep fighting. Don't give up!" Hermione sounded near tears. "Oh, it's the locket! Give me the locket." She snatched the Horcrux from around Harry's neck, slipping it around her own. "Do you feel better now?"

Harry shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, actually. I feel a little better. We…we have to find that weapon before Vol…You-Know-Who. We have to find that guy, we can't let him ally with the Death Eaters. If he does, we're done."

Hermione pursed her lips. "Do you know what he looks like?"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. "The blond girl, she had a picture of him in her necklace. Yeah, I know what he looks like, but how do we communicate with anyone? We can't do anything without blowing our cover…"

The bushy-haired girl chewed on her lip, contemplative. "Well…we definitely can't communicate with them through owls or the Floo network, and neither of us can cast a Patronus because of the locket…we can't communicate through any normal methods…" A smile grew on her face. "We can't use normal methods, but there's one method the Death Eaters always underestimate."

Harry blinked behind his round glasses. "And that is?"

Hermione gave him a cheeky grin. "We can make a phone call."