"JJ, will you just...calm down?" Will could see his wife frantically pacing about their half-cleaned living room floor.

"Will"

"It's not a big deal."

"It's not a big deal?"

"No"

"Are we...are we seeing the same thing here?" JJ moved her hands emphatically to the side.

"It looks like our house to me."

"It's a freakin' disaster," the blonde muttered to herself, absent-mindedly pushing a strand of hair out of the way.

"JJ," Will observed a million thoughts racing through her mind all at once. "It's gonna be okay," he inched closer in her direction, sensing that the matter may have gone beyond just the simple, spur of the moment visit from her mother. "What's goin' on?" He cautiously grabbed her hands in his.

JJ stilled at the intimate contact, taking the time to mull over the real heart of the matter. She frowned.

"...She can't know."

"She can't know?"

"No—she can't. I don't want her to walk inside and realize—and-and know—that something's wrong," JJ unconsciously pulled her hands away.

"And she's gonna know all that, just by lookin' at our house?"

"Yes." It was an understatement to say that his wife had become a little tense and was easier to set off during the four weeks following her difficult, but necessary, acknowledgement of the truth.

JJ took note of her husband's grounding, blue eyes. "...No," she shook her head and sighed; her shoulders slumped forward as she came to recognize the slightly irrational thought.

"Sandy's not gonna know. She's seen our house before...in worse conditions," Will smirked in attempt to lighten the mood. "But if it'll make you feel better, it'll be clean when she comes, okay?"

"...Okay," the gentle response brought a smile to his face, and he pulled JJ in for a soft, re-assuring kiss. "So what do I need to do? Just name it," he slowly released the hold of her waist, noticing how the rampant thoughts were present once more.

"Just pick up Henry from the Davis' and keep him occupied." While it was a kind gesture (and normally, she would have very much appreciated his help), JJ didn't want to irritate Will by going over things that he had already completed. Things...they had to be perfect.

"Done," the look on her husband's face indicated that he could read her thoughts. "If you need anything though..."

"...I will," she nodded her head in promise and gave him a thin smile, watching as he headed towards the kitchen to leave.

Okay, her mind kicked into overdrive as soon as she heard the door close behind him. Where to begin? JJ chewed her lip and struggled against the overwhelming urge to panic. The question and subsequent response were interrupted by the shrill of her ringtone—the one that indicated a co-worker was calling.

"Not now," the blonde mumbled as she went to pull her phone out of her back pocket.

"Jaraeu," she responded flatly.

"So one of those days, huh?" JJ quickly registered a voice that wasn't Hotch's or Garcia's.

"Shit! Emily!" (She had forgotten all about their scheduled game night.)

"Okay, so...not one of the greetings that I'm typically accustomed to, but uhm...I'm still willing to go with it," JJ heard the brunette's throaty laughter in her ears. "...Hey?"

The blonde shook her head in that moment and sighed apologetically. "Sorry Em," she ran her hand across her face and moved to sit on a visible portion of her couch.

"No—it's...it's all good. It really needn't apology. A flustered JJ's always a good thing," the brunette bit her lip and stifled a laugh—comfortably leaning back against the headrest to her bed.

"Really Em?"

"What?" (She was definitely in rare form at 11:00 p.m.)

"..."

"...Okay—fine," the brunette's tone fell flat as she decidedly took off her gloves in surrender at the mommy glare she felt was radiating from across seas. "I'm serious now," she sighed and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "What's got you so hot and bothered?"

"My mother," JJ voiced without thinking. She caught her mistake instantly and moved her hand reflexively to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Shut up," her eyes closed momentarily.

"What? I didn't say a word."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I heard you loud and clear." The blonde was all too familiar with her friend's sometimes juvenile mindset; it took one to know one.

"Well that's kind of scary," Emily grinned at the comment.

"Yeah, tell me about it," JJ snorted—feeling herself relax a little bit from the familiar comfort that Emily exuded. The brunette could hear her sigh.

"So Sandy, huh? What did she do?"

"Well, uh, my mother has just informed me of her intent of coming here and staying for a few days."

"...Okay?...And?"

"Em, we just got back from a case not too long ago, and the house is...well, you've seen it," the blonde wrinkled her nose at the sight that was before her.

"...Yeah," Emily's voice rose as the mental image popped into her mind. There was no judgment though—only love.

"When is she arriving?"

"Tomorrow."

"Shit."

"My thought exactly."

"Well, do you need me to go? I mean—we can always reschedule."

"No," JJ shook her head in interjection. "No, it's-it's all good...Now I definitely don't have time to play a bajillion rounds of Scrabble and all but"

"Uh...JJ?"

"What?"

"A bajillion?" Emily raised an eyebrow in amusement.

The blonde felt her lips curl up into a genuine smile. "It's Henry's new favorite expression—he picked it up at school," she heard a snort on the other end. "After hearing it so much, I guess it's kind of stuck."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, and I want you to know that he's still been playing with his British soldiers that you gave him for his birthday—pretty much non-stop; which, I stepped on a bayonet as I was cleaning just a while ago and it hurt like a mother. So, uh, thanks again," she huffed.

"You're welcome," the brunette smiled at the thought of her friend hobbling about like a mad woman. "It's good to know that they're still fulfilling their duty in holding down the fort—you know, keeping the peace," she chuckled.

"Em...that was awful," JJ shook her head at the bad joke. Although she didn't look the part, Emily could definitely be a nerd.

"Then why are you laughing?" The blonde's chuckling died as soon as the seemingly innocent question was posed. She bit her lip and carefully considered her next response.

"...Because I needed this."

"Everything else okay?" Emily's brow wrinkled as she noticed the subtle change in tone. She sat up in bed.

"Yeah-yeah," JJ was quick in giving her reassurance. "Everything's just been..." her voice caught in her throat as she came face to face with the sudden thought: did she want to do it? Did she want to bare her soul over the line and finally tell?

In all of the previous conversations that they'd had, the thought hadn't once crossed her mind; there hadn't been an impulse to confess because she had somehow been managing (with her husband's love and support—of course). But with everything that had been going on—with it getting closer and closer to the anniversary date of when she was first captured—things were honestly getting harder (even with Will's listening ears).

Did she really want to fill Emily in on her current situation? About her recent panic attack over the weather? About how she'd been on an emotional rollercoaster ride ever since acknowledging the fact that winter was coming. And how she was more on edge than ever before and was moodier than the time she was a raging, hormonal, pregnant mess with Henry.

About...about how she could swear she could feel Askari's and Hastings' spirits waiting just around the corner to "enter into this realm" and "wreak havoc" on her.

JJ's brow furrowed in contemplation. Her heart pounded wildly.

Did she really want to tell her about—about her struggles in dealing?

She had been dealing. Well, she had been dealing with some of her thoughts and feelings; the things that she had finally allowed herself to confess to Will in the comfort and solitude of their bedroom at night. But there were still some things—unspeakable things—that she decidedly kept to herself. Things that she knew the brunette would be able to understand and relate to on a deep, personal level.

Did she really want to tell Emily about the things located in the dark crevices of her mind that she was actively struggling against—the things that she was too ashamed to tell Will? The things that she dared not think of for too long because if she did, they held the power to bring her to her very knees.

The blood on her hands that she couldn't seem to get off, for instance. Nadia—the woman that had consequently gotten killed during her information hunt while in the Middle East. The baby...the baby that she never got to...

No, JJ grimaced at the sharp pain in her chest, knowing the answer to her question right then and there.

She...she couldn't do it—she couldn't tell (not Emily, nor anyone else for that matter). No, with all of the blood on her hands, she didn't deserve the right; she shouldn't even wish for the opportunity to bare her soul in hopes of receiving sympathy and help in dealing. Her punishment, it was just. And she should be forced to carry her remaining burdens alone. It's only fair.

"Cool," JJ jutted her jaw as she attempted to throw some dark humor into the mix. If she didn't try and make light of the situation in that moment, it could have very well swallowed her whole. "Everything's just been a little hectic...that's all. What about you?" She chewed her thumbnail while agonizing over the next response.

"...Everything's good on my front; the usual," the brunette leaned back in bed as the little tug dispelled.

The blonde looked down and released a quiet breath upon hearing the response, knowing very well that she had been fortunate in diverting her friend's attention. It's only fair, she thought sullenly as she remained on the couch; listening as Emily seamlessly moved their conversation further and further way from her one opportunity.