- - flashback - -

I never thought I'd feel this guilty and I'm broken down inside. Living with myself, nothing but lies. I always thought I'd make it but never knew I'd let it get so bad. Living with myself is all I have. I feel numb, I can't come to life, I feel like I'm frozen in time. Living in a world so cold, wasting away. Living in a shell with no soul since you've gone away. Living in a world so cold, counting the days since you've gone away. You've gone away.

Daylight broke in the city, light peeking through the slats of the wooden blinds on her windows and peering in at the motionless body on the couch. Slowly she brought a hand up to her forehead, groaning with the grogginess left over from the serious overdose of pills that were still scattered across her table. It took a good 5 minutes before her eyes fluttered open to peer at the face of her cat who proceeded to rub against her face in greeting, mewling softly. Gently nudging him off to the side she pushed herself up into a sitting position, her head hanging as she tried to wake up. Normally it wasn't this hard, but the more times she did this, the harder it got - eventually she wouldn't even wake up if she kept up this behavior. She shrugged the blanket off of her shoulders, looking at it for a while trying to figure out how it got on top of her since she didn't ever remember having the time to cover herself up before she fell into a world of darkness and silence in her drug induced comma.

It took her two hours and she still was extremely groggy so she decided a cold shower would help. Thankfully the cold water cascading down her body shocked her back into full consciousness before she quickly turned the temp up, closing her eyes and tilting her head back as the water pelted her face. She dropped her head and brought her hands up, wiping the water from her face and pushing her hair back. Placing a hand on the shower wall she leaned forward, staring at the drain in the bottom of the shower, trying to figure out how to fix all of this before she killed herself. Stepping out of the shower she grabbed her towel, drying her hair before she paused, wide-eyed gaze pinned on the mirror of her bathroom. "What…the fuck…" she slowly started to pad towards it, a trail of wet footprints following behind her. On her mirror, written in pale pink lipstick were the words 'Open Your Eyes'. She came up to the sink, leaning against it as she saw the lipstick lying in the bottom of the sink. Someone got into her house last night, but…nothing was gone…what the hell was going on? She quickly dried herself and got dressed, making sure to call the cops who arrived shortly afterwards to take down a statement, check her apartment for anyone hiding, and when nothing was found they told her to be cautious of her surroundings before leaving.

She was a little frazzled so she decided that perhaps spending her day off in the city was a better plan. She could relax, do a little window shopping, and feel safe without being all alone in her apartment. She took her cat over to the 75 year old woman that lived next to her who was more then happy to have a companion for the day before locking him and heading to the subway. As she entered the busy streets of the city she felt at least a small sense of comfort. It was a beautiful day, a little chilly but comfortable without a coat - these were the days she loved the most. She stopped to grab herself a coffee, sitting down at a table in the back as she tried to figure out who the hell was in her house and why that didn't steal anything or even worse, kill her; she wouldn't have put up a fight, that was for damn sure. With the cup of coffee between both her hands, she raised it up to her lips to take a sip before someone approached the table "Is this seat taken?" Looking up, she smiled, shaking her head and motioning for them to sit down.

"John. What are you doing here? I've never seen you here before." She glanced at the older man who sat down across from her, faking a bit of a smile before taking another sip.

"Oh I come here from time to time. I guess we never cross paths. I was just in town and when I saw you I figured you could use some company." John studied the young woman before him, that warm smile of hers was clearly not as inviting as it usually was. He took a sip of the coffee he had and leaned back in the chair. "Is everything alright? You look…very drained."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm just tired. I didn't wake up well and I found out that some creep was in my apartment last night." She nursed her coffee, slow and steady to keep the conversation going, watching John nod as he listened intently.

"You never woke up?"

"Um. No. Heh, guess I'm a heavy sleeper or something but anyway the strange part is that they didn't take anything except one picture of me from the company party about 2 years ago. Oh and they left me a strange note on my bathroom mirror. Said 'Open your eyes', whatever that's supposed to mean."

John smirked a bit as he listened to her, glad she got his message but a bit disappointed that she didn't get the point behind it - or maybe she just didn't want to tell him what she thought he didn't know. She was lucky she woke up in the morning with the state he found her in but he knew that if she did this more then once one day she wouldn't wake up, she wouldn't have a heartbeat. He reached out and placed his hand overtop hers that was sitting on the table, watching her head tilt to the side in confusion at their contact. "I'm glad you're safe. Otherwise who would I spend the day with…that is unless you have plans."

She couldn't help but to smile at the man before her that was slowly getting under her skin in a why someone hadn't in a very long time. She had been so closed to everyone around her and John was the only person who persisted and it was paying off for him. "No. It's my day off. I'd love to join you."

He nodded and stood up from the table, heading to the door and holding it open for her as she finished the contents of her cup and tossed it in the trash can. As he exited behind her he offered her his arm, the young woman hooking her arm in his, laughing before he saw that smile that always made his day and both of them headed down the sidewalk.

Do you ever feel me? Do you ever look deep down inside? Staring at yourself, paralyzed. I feel numb, I can't come to life, I feel like I'm frozen in time. Living in a world so cold, wasting away. Living in a shell with no soul since you've gone away. Living in a world so cold, counting the days since you've gone away. You've gone away from me.

- - end flashback - -

She sat on the edge of the bed she spent the night on, having only woken up a few minutes ago. She needed the extra sleep and was glad it was afforded to her. It was a little bit of a challenge to sit up, but thankfully the injury she sustained wasn't too bad - that is the one that actually punctured skin. Her face felt numb and she could feel the black eye from getting pummeled by a man that was definitely 3 times her size. She lifted up her shirt to look at the bandage on her side and the little bit of blood that had seeped through over night before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She slid from the bed, grabbing the sweat pants draped across the chair and putting them on.

She took her time exiting the room, going on a search for John. There were some things she needed to talk to him about, some things she had to say to feel like she were human and not this horrid monster she started painting herself as. She needed to heal her state of mind before she completely lost her sanity.

I'm too young to lose my soul. I'm too young to feel this old. So long, I'm left behind. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Do you ever feel me? Do you ever look deep down inside? Staring at your life, paralyzed. Living in a world so cold, wasting away. Living in a shell with no soul…