It was Christmas time again! Since no one's house was big enough for all the Bensons, all the Stablers, The Tutola's, Munch in singular formation, The Cabot's, and the Lake parties, we decided to camp out inside the precinct.

Snow fell heavily from the Manhattan sky line. Brisk, masculine snowflakes stormed the unsuspecting travelers. I watched Faith as she stole Chester's old chair, rolled it over to the window and let her crimson hair bounce as her emerald eyes became fixed to the glass pane. Such a little girl, such innocence Faith had. Such, well how do I put it? I mean, Faith Eternity Lake is only a child, but is… Well, precocious. She was reading at the age of three, and was accepted into an advanced kindergarten program at her school. (I helped her read) Faith had grown closer to her older sister after her father died. Robin and Faith were best friends, although Faith always found time for Connor. Eli had grown too. I sensed he was left out sometimes, for he was in a different class than Faith and Connor, and had a different lunch and recess period. I always made sure that Faith and Connor included Eli. Now, I hadn't had much contact with Elliot's eldest daughter, Maureen, after she got married and had Tyler. We hadn't had much face-to-face talk, but we were always emailing and talking on the phone. Tyler was younger than Faith, Connor and Eli by one year. He was born a year after Dickie and I got married. Kathleen was married to Adam, and had taken the last name of Reilly. Kathleen Reilly. Lizzie was still at Columbia, doing quite well in her studies. She never really found time for a love life, although there was a rookie down in Robbery that had a thing for her. And I had a case of Holiday Matchmaker.

Fin and Melinda had been married, and Minnie was doing extremely well. Being raped seven years ago was caustic to her, but she the ground running and got into therapy.

Munch, as I mentioned before, is still single. He finally gave up love, although he admitted to me once that he still had fatherly love for his favorite detective. (Me!)

Cragen was still Cragen. Nothing really had changed. He loved being a great-grandfather, and he loved to hold the girls. He, Elliot and Kathy spoiled them rotten. I didn't want Mariska and Michaela to be brats, but they were only infants. They couldn't even talk yet. And God help us all when they do, because if they were related to Elliot, they would have his mouth. Sometimes I pondered if their first words would be curses, or a vivid reenactment of Elliot grilling a suspect.

Olivia still wanted to be called Grandma, but…. I told her and my girls' everyday, that she was to be called Auntie Livvie, or just Liv.

But I still worried about Casey. The DA had found out about what happened at the club, and was breathing down her neck. She hadn't told us about the baby. The DA didn't know about that. And thank God they didn't, because if they did, they'd think it's one of the guys from the club. I'd even tried getting a subpoena for her medical records, nothing worked. Casey was not going to ever tell us about the baby. Was the baby damaged? Was the baby hurting? Could the baby feel pain? Was the baby even alive? What if the baby had miscarried? What if the baby was born addicted to crystal meth? Ecstasy? Or both? What if the baby had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Or Down Syndrome? Or Williams' Syndrome? I can't think of anything worse than that! It only makes me want to hold my children close, and never let them go.

"Trinity? Trinity?!" Olivia barked in my ear, jostling my shoulder, but my eyes were still fixed on Faith, and how she watched the snowflakes without a care in the world.

"TRINITY FAITH STABLER?!" Olivia yelled in my ear, I heard her, but; did I? Olivia finally resulted in slapping me upside the head, causing me to turn.

"Yeah?" I asked softly, and Olivia immediately looked like she regretting screaming at me

"It's almost eight, sweetie. And it's Christmas Eve. Did you finish wrapping presents?"

"Yeah, yesterday." I said, my voice drifting away as Faith tried to open the window

"Hey Faith?" I asked across the room

"Yea?" she asked back

"It's freezing out today honey. Please don't open the window." I asked gently

"Okay, sorry." she said, closing the window, and with her placid, picturesque scene shattered, she looked down at her clammy hands. Chester always used to watch the first snowfall each year. Faith loved her father very much. Faith slipped from her father's chair, and put it back in its place. My heart ached and dripped with the emotion that filled and coursed through my veins and arteries when Faith could not break the stare from her father's desk. I could just imagine Chester sitting there, enjoying his day, at work with his family.

"He shoots he…. misses!" I giggled as Chester missed the wastebasket by my desk

"Oh you hush up!" he snickered back, making a goofy face at me

"Is that anyway to treat your sister?"

"Baby sister." he corrected

"Kid sister." I re-corrected

"Were you always so picky?"

"Only when I'm around you." I laughed back

"Oh that's right, pick on your older brother."

"Connor doesn't pick on me in the first place, Chester. So I can't tease him, but you... You can't seem to keep your mouth shut."

He pretended to be hurt, placing his head in his hands, and making the most fake crying sound I'd ever heard in my life.

"You hurted my fweelings." he said, faking a child's vocabulary

"Your own daughter doesn't talk like that! And she's seven!"

"So? Who said I had a good vocabulary?"

"Casey."

"Damnit! She just rained on my parade."

"That's what wives are for."

He looked at me quizzically.

"And support." I quickly corrected

"That's what I thought."

"Yeah. Support, that's what I thought too." I said softly, wishing that Chester hadn't OD'd and that he'd be here to help me.

"What? Trinity, are you alright?" Olivia asked, jarring my shoulder, realizing my thoughts were focused on my brother. "It's alright to miss him."

"I know it is. But why? Why did he kill himself? Why couldn't he have come to me? Talked to me? Or Robin or Casey or Cragen? Why couldn't we help him?"

"Sometimes people believe that suicide is the only way to end the pain."

"He was wrong. I would have helped him."

"Maybe he didn't know that."

"He does now. He's with God and Jesus and he's watching over us. I know he saw me run after Casey, and hunt her down and save her. I can feel it."

"We'll probably never know, honey."

"When will I be able to move on?"

"It took me a while for my mother."

"You hated your mother."

"To some extent, yea I did. But, she still gave birth to me. She was still my mother. I know you hated your mother."

"I don't hate you." I corrected her

"But-"

"You are my mother, Olivia."

"What about the first 10 years of your life?"

"They were never around, Chester was long gone. I basically raised myself. Then when they were murdered, I ran away."

"You never told me this."

"Only Chester and Casey know what really happened before I found you."

"What else did you leave out?"

"I was found, by a DFYS social services worker."

"Where?"

"Newark Penn Station."

"So you were boarding a train?"

"Yep. Poured every scent I had into getting a one-way train ticket to Penn Station."

"What was going to happen when you got here?"

"Find some hump who would give me an ID."

"Was Trinity Christensen even your legal name?"

"Yes. Yes it was."

"So what shattered the dream?"

"She asked me where my mother was."

"Oh, I see."

"I moved faster, and she caught me by the arm. I spent the night in Amtrak detention, and then I was admitted to the DYFS shelter upon further investigation."

"How far did they get?"

"I wouldn't tell them anything. My name, my address, my parents names. Or the fact that I had a perfect adoption candidate, living only 20 miles away in Manhattan."

"How well did that go over?"

"Not well at all. They fumed and fussed about how they were trying to help me. Took my train ticket. That was the thing that got me pissed off."

"Is that when you found out you had a temper?"

"Yea. I was only 10, and I really didn't have a lot of friends."

"So you were the taciturn one?"

"Yep. I roared about my rights, and they informed me that I had no rights."

"Yes you did."

"Do you think they wanted me to know that?"

"They wanted information."

"Yeah. They did. They then told me that I wasn't budging unless I told them something."

"What did you tell them then?"

"The most cockamamie plausible thing I could think of."

"Which was?"

"That my parents were world-class jewel thieves, and that they were boarding a plane to Ireland as we spoke."

Olivia just stared at me.

"I gave them names, boarding pass numbers, plane ID's five aliases, license plate numbers and airport name. I thought I was pretty convincing."

"What happened after that?"

"They left. An officer took me to the DFYS playground, but not before I snuck my ticket back."

"What did you plan to do?"

"Runaway again. So, I gave a five year old a cookie to throw a rock at the guy's balls. Which he did, not knowing what the hell he just did. I ran off into the afternoon, and made my way back to Newark Penn Station."

"You, as a ten year old, made it all the way from downtown Newark, to midtown?"

"Yep. I boarded the train without a hitch."

"What happened when you got to the city?"

"I avoided adults at all costs. Walked briskly, eyes to myself, no purse, no coat. Which would have given me away because it was December."

"Where did you go?"

"Some junkie told me about this place in Hell's Kitchen."

"You went to Hell's Kitchen? By yourself?"

"Oh yeah."

"Were you scared?"

"Scared as hell."

"What was this place, in Hell's Kitchen?"

"A brothel."

"You were… a hooker?"

"Briefly."

"What happened?"

"Some bitch came along and kicked the crap out of me. I was in the hospital for three weeks while they fixed my leg."

"Wouldn't they have reported you to DYFS?"

"The man in charge, Aaron, as we were ordered to call him, dyed my hair a deep brunette. I was also wearing colored contacts that made my eyes blue."

"And in real life?"

"I had red hair and green eyes."

"Very clever. What about a name?"

"For that almost month, I was Caleigh Ryans. A girl from Mississippi, I faked a southern accent."

"What happened after you were discharged?"

"Uh, well… About that…"

"They never discharged you did they?"

"Ah, no."

"How did you know you were in good health?"

"I didn't. I snuck out the window at midnight."

"And after your second breakout?"

"Stripper."

"For how long?"

"Three years."

"And that's when you met Mickie."

"And Robin."

"What?! You met Robin?"

"She was one of the working girls that week too. We hated each other, but I don't think she remembers, so don't tell her."

"Why did she hate you?"

"She did LSD and I wouldn't."

"How old was she?"

"Eleven."

"LSD?"

"Mickie forced her. She thought it was cotton candy on paper."

"Why didn't you do it?"

"I still had my throat hemorrhage."

"That's right, you couldn't eat. But you were 14 when we met."

"One customer was Tucker. He took me home."

"To Jersey?"

"His home."

"What happened?"

"He raped me on a regular basis and sexually abused me everyday."

"Oh God, Trinity. How long?"

"A year."

"He use protection?"

"No. On my 14th birthday I found out I was pregnant."

"What happened?"

"Abortion. Olivia, I know. I know that you look down on it because you are a rape child but, I was 14, what could I do? I went back to Tucker."

"Did you tell him?"

"Yea. He beat me so hard I called 911."

"And then?"

"We fled."

"Were you seriously hurt?"

"No. But, when I first moved in with him, he said that someday I'd have a job in SVU. That's when I asked for it."

"And then you came here."

"Yea, where I met you and started anew."

"And to forget the past."

"I never could, I think that's why I get so attached, because no one was there for those 4 years."

"Oh Trinity, baby. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there."

Olivia embraced me with a bear hug and I wept into her shoulder.

"I never told Casey and Chester the details."

"Just the outline?" she said, her chin on my back

"Yeah."

"And Dickie?"

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him."

Olivia just hugged me tighter.

"And I'll be there when you are."

I pulled away.

"Do you feel bad because you weren't there?"

"Yes."

"Don't. It's only made me a better cop, and a better daughter."

"No one could ask for a better daughter." Olivia said as our tears mixed together as the snow continued to fall