Confessional

"I'm sorry, but I just don't think Elise deserves to go," Steve said. "She's the one keeping the team afloat. And the Angry Scientist is constantly being a jerk, like all m–nevermind. Also, he exercises every morning before anybody else wants to get up and makes the whole room smell like a six-week old tuna sandwich." He considered his analogy. "Yeah, don't ask."

Confessional

"Time to get rid of Snidely," Nazz said, smiling. "After this, it's going to be like, smooth sailing."

Confessional

"Bye-bye, Angry Scientist," Elise said happily. "I'm really not going to miss you."

Confessional

"Snidely," Ingrid said. "Although I can't help but feel in my gut that something's going to go wrong here."

Confessional

"Oh, Ingrid, you are going into the downness!" the Angry Scientist chortled. "You got rid of my love, now I get rid of you! Seeing how you be liking it!"

Confessional

Snidely Whiplash smirked at the camera. "Oh, dear sweet Angry Scientist," he intoned dramatically, "I may have wanted to rid us of Ingrid today. But you, well, your hunchbacked behind proved too tempting a target to resist! For Steve, at least. And so, it is with a happy heart that I say adieu to you and your annoying morning exercises, your arguments with Steve, your constant befoulment of our team name, and your occasional bouts of late-night self-gratification. First I did away with your beautiful love interest–in a most unusual manner, I will admit, but successfully nevertheless–and now I do away with you! Fie, fie on thee, Angry Scientist! Let your heart be heavy and your brains befuddled as you leave this island in my foul grasp!"

Snidely paused for breath. "Also," he continued, "I don't like how green his skin is. There's something wrong with that."

Confessional

"Time to get rid of the biggest threat on the island," Marlowe said gleefully. "Goodbye, Elise."

Chris grinned at the camera. "Welcome back, loyal fans, to another episode of Total! Drama! Cartoon Multiverse!" he proclaimed. "Last time, the girls banded together to stop their biggest threat. Problem is, they didn't agree on which member of the alliance was truly the most dangerous, and they ended up getting neither of them tossed off. Who got tossed? Well, let's put it this way: when he hears about how he got ejected, he's gonna be really mad!" Chris laughed. "Man, I love my job. Anyway, while this was exciting enough, juicier stuff happened earlier, when Rusty discovered that Numbuh Two and Ingrid have been crossing team lines to talk to each other. And hey, while they say it's just to investigate mysteries, we know what's really going on." He made a kissy-face at the camera. "Rusty didn't, though, and thought they were forming an alliance. He half-bought their half-baked story about Andy really being the one in a secret alliance, but hey, we all know that's not true." Chris winked. "But it'll make for some good drama later on! And speaking of which, all this late-episode drama was nothing compared to the unbridled action unleashed when Elise took out six members of the Bumbling Moose pretty much all on her lonesome only to learn that these players were there as a decoy team as part of the Moose's ace misdirection plan. Which ended when Rusty Shackleford managed to actually be more athletic than Elise for just long enough to deliver the flag to W-e-n-d-y, sitting in a tree, w-i-n-n-i-n-g! Will this next episode compare to the previous one? Probably not, since it's a non-elimination show! But just in case, stay tuned to Total! Drama! Cartoon Multiverse!"

I rolled out of bed and looked at my watch. It read 11:36. I shook my head, knowing that couldn't be right, and looked around the cabin. Everyone but Numbuh Two and Andy were gone. Groggily, I stretched my muscles. Apparently Chris had let us sleep in. That was the least sinister interpretation to take, at least.

I stepped out of the cabin and frowned at how shady it was. Looking up, I saw a massive batch of zeppelins floating over the camp. Worried, I headed for the mess hall and threw the doors open. Almost everyone was there; the only exceptions were Marlowe, Andy, Numbuh Two, and Chris.

"Grab some food and park yourself," Chef said lazily. "We don't start until everyone gets up and has something to eat."

Unusual, yes, but I could deal. At least I wouldn't have to worry about letting something slip around Andy–although his two compatriots were a different matter entirely. I grabbed a plate and opened a serving platter on a big pile of hashbrowns. I took some of the potatoes before moving on to a pot that contained oatmeal. I grabbed a bowl, served myself, and headed for an empty space between Rusty and Gandhi.

"So, fellows!" I greeted them. "Do you know what's going on?"

"The NSA has sent in blimps to block out the sun and freeze us all to death," Rusty declared. "Soon, it'll be eternal winter, and then they'll clamp down on all of us so they can 'save' us. Mark my words, the CIA's been scouting us and is just about ready to move in."

"Or maybe we're going on a blimp ride!" Gandhi declared excitedly. "I've never been on one, you know, but it'll be super cool! Or super boring. They're like huge balloons, only they carry people, so maybe it'll be like riding a balloon. I hope we don't pop on the ceiling. Why do they put those little bumps up there, anyway? They're like butt zits, only it doesn't hurt when you sit on 'em."

I took a moment to process this, realized the moment was wasted, and moved on. "So when did you get up?"

"Ten o'clock," Rusty replied.

"I dunno," Gandhi said.

"So tell me more about the CIA's secret plot," I said to Rusty. If he hadn't been wearing mirrored sunglasses, I'm sure his eyes would have lit up. He began to talk about a massive conspiracy. I tuned him out and focused on my oatmeal and hashbrowns

About a half-hour later everybody but Andy and Chris had joined us. My breakfast was long gone, and Rusty was still blathering on. By now, he had moved on to talking about how the state was secretly thinking of using box tops as reserve currency.

"...and then you turn 'em in for items. They're gonna use it so the Fed can ramp up inflation and pay off its debt, leaving us all broke, and then they announce the switch, and then after everyone's bought in to the box tops and given the government money for them they deflate the money supply again leaving the rest of us broke."

I shook my head. "They tried that back in '60. They stopped when they learned of a counterfeiting ring that was pretty successful and nearly brought the economy to its knees. They wouldn't try that again."

"Never underestimate the government's stupidity and greed," Rusty said dryly.

"Ah, right you are," I responded. "But tell me, how will they use sandwich shops to throw us off the trail again? I didn't quite understand that bit the first time around."

Rusty began speaking again. I tuned out and once again became absorbed in my own thoughts.

So Rusty and Numbuh Two knew. Not surprising, but they were working with Ingrid. Was this another alliance in the making, or were they really working to expose Andy? It would be worrisome if it was the former, but if it was the latter there wouldn't be any problems. Would there? Maybe they'd decide to form an alliance–out with the old, in with the new, as it so often is and as I had seen in my homeland. Could they be trusted to avoid the will to power? Of course not. But were they the bigger threat? As far as I could tell, Numbuh Two didn't seem to have sinister machinations, and I have a nose for that sort of thing. And Rusty wasn't exactly trusting them, not that he was the trusting type. But still, Andy was more obviously willing to sell our team out, and his predictability in this area was a benefit to me; after all, the good guys have a habit of occasionally doing something extremely stupid, like telling the truth in a delicate situation. Not a good sign for Rusty and Numbuh Two.

The door was flung open, and Andy stumbled in. Someone had shoved him, and that someone entered the room.

"Right," Chris said. He was dressed in a winter coat, ski goggles, and winter boots. "I got sick of waiting, so here's Andy. Any food left, Chef?"

"Beats me," Chef said, not looking up from his newspaper.

"Okay then," Chris said, and turned his attention to us. "Now then, you've been waiting a while, so let's just end your wait right now."

Chris pushed a button. A few seconds later, a huge thump was heard, and the ground outside turned white.

"Now, who wants some hot cocoa?" Chris asked, grinning.

"Uh, it's summer," Triana said.

"Right you are!" Chris replied. "And no, we're not celebrating Christmas in July. Instead, we're giving every one of you an opportunity to win a very coveted prize: immunity in the next challenge!"

Everybody looked up, interested.

"For one day only, your teams will be dissolved. Instead, it's every man for himself in today's massive snowball fight! The rules are simple: anyone who gets hit with a snowball is eliminated. The last one standing wins the game and wins immunity from elimination in tomorrow's challenge. There's a foot of snow covering the campgrounds right now. You get 15 minutes to build a snow fort, and then it's game on! Oh, and try to finish up in a couple of hours, I don't know how long the snow will last before it melts completely. Have fun!"

Chris strode out the door. Immediately after he left, there was a moment of silence, followed by a mad surge towards the mess hall doors. We scurried outside and headed in seperate directions. I saw Snidely and Andy head for one end of the snowy yard, so I decided to sneak around and build a fort in a position where I could keep an eye on them. Once I saw them settle down and begin building, I got to work on my snow fort. I decided to go with simple construction; just good enough that it would appear I was trying, but not good enough to actually protect me from being taken out. When I finished, I hunkered down and got to work on some snowballs. Might as well fire back at any attackers.

I watched as Snidely and Andy put up two walls about five feet high. They then proceeded to build a short front wall and a taller back wall, and finished up by making an exit facing in my direction. I ducked down and watched as they did the same thing right next to the first fort and realized that they had built two forts right next to each other. Impressive construction, yes, but it probably wouldn't be enough to guarantee them both a win.

A whistle ripped through the campground.

"The war has begun!" Chris cheered. Instantly, snowballs began filling the air, including some directed at me from the direction of Andy's fort. I tried to find one that could plausibly hit me, but Andy's aim was so bad that just by standing still I was able to avoid the entire barrage. I looked around and was shocked to find that only a few dozen feet behind me was another snow fort, this one magnificent in its structure and grandeur. The only part of it that was incomplete was a parapet, and Numbuh Two was hard at work on this parapet. As I watched, a snowball flew through the air and pegged Numbuh Two. Turning around, I spotted Triana running towards the ice castle.

"Our first eliminations are in!" Chris announced. "No longer in play: Nazz, Marlowe, Rusty, Numbuh Two, and Steve."

At that moment a snowball flew out of the castle and pegged Triana in the face. I looked towards the castle and saw Ingrid wind up and hurl a soft floater towards Andy's fort. It flew through the air, reached the peak of its arc, and landed directly in the fort. I heard a howl of pain.

"AAAH! RIGHT DOWN MY SHIRT RIGHT DOWN MY SHIRT! AGH! GOD! IT'S SLIDING OH GOD! JESUS! FUCK! MY BALLS! MY BALLS! GOD! CHRIST! FUCK! WHHHYYYYYY?"

"Now eliminated: Triana and Andy, both by Ingrid," Chris announced. "Oh, and she's in the ice castle on the eastern edge of the snow. Just so you know."

Ingrid focused on me. I tossed a snowball towards her and then followed this up with another lazy toss. Ingrid hurled a rocket towards me, and I smiled and let it explode into my chest. Unfortunately, my second toss was more accurate than I ever could have intended, and it landed directly on the very top of her skull.

"Boris and Ingrid, gone, in a dual elimination!"

A second snowball smacked into me. This one was thrown by a laughing Gandhi. He proceeded to run up to me.

"Hey, Boris, can I take your fort? I mean, you're not using it anymore, so–"

"Go ahead!" I said gladly. "What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine. Have fun!"

"Thanks!" he responded. I smiled sinisterly. That fort wasn't going to do much to protect him; it was designed for an early exit. He'd get just what he deserved for pegging me with a snowball.

While Gandhi took over the fort, I left for less-snowy pastures. This was unsuspicious, as I was just attempting to avoid the snowball barrage, but it allowed me to circle around in the woods and sneak up on Andy and Snidely.

I wasn't the first one there, however, as I spotted someone clad entirely in black sneak up on them and then suddenly stop. I looked closer, and realized that it was Ruby. As I watched, she stood straight upright and raised a hand to cover her mouth. She then put a hand to her ear to listen closer and angled her ear towards the forts. She was so deep in concentration that she didn't notice snowballs landing around her until one smacked her in the face.

"And Chaz takes out Ruby!" Chris declared. "We're down to our final five: Elise, Chaz, Wendy, Gandhi, and Snidely. Oh, and most of them are on the east side of camp. Have fun with that info...Elise."

Ruby stood up and slunk off of the playing field. She didn't notice me, and I turned my attention to the game, knowing that from now on that would be the complete focus of Snidely.

I didn't have to wait long until Elise came running across the snow. She was met by a barrage of snowballs from two places: my snow fort and the towers of the snow castle, on which stood Chaz and Wendy. Although she dodged well, she was hit with a snowball just as she flung an accurate shot through the air, smacking right into Chaz's face.

"Ow, not my face! Gah!" he complained. "Come on, people!"

"We're down to three!" Chris told us. A snowball thrown by Gandhi hit Wendy. "Well, two now."

Over the next hour or so, nothing happened apart from Gandhi slipping out to take over the ice castle. Eventually, Chris got on the mic to complain.

"Okay, if nobody moves, I'm declaring the match forfeit and nobody gets immunity!"

Nobody moved.

"Also you both get eliminated."

"You can't do that!" Snidely complained loudly.

"I make the rules, I change the rules. Now MOVE IT!" he declared. Both Gandhi and Snidely exited their forts and faced each other down.

"Nice cloak. Where'd you get it, the Marilyn Manson store?" Gandhi asked menacingly, before tilting his head. "Actually, Marilyn Manson came to our school once. He told us about the food pyramid and not getting suckered into only eating pancake batter and blue house paint. And–"

Snidely pegged Gandhi in the chest with a snowball.

"Aw, man!" Gandhi said, disappointed.

"And Snidely is the winner of immunity for the next episode!" Chris declared cheerfully. "The rest of you rest up. We've got a big challenge ahead of you tomorrow–and yes, someone will be eliminated then. Who will it be? What death..."

I tuned Chris out and focused on Ruby, who looked nervous. It was time to see what she was going to do with her newfound knowledge.