Reflections

by Hart4Ben

A series of brief reflections and/or life lessons in the voice of one of the Cartwrights. These pieces are too short to stand alone. The title of the chapter is the focus for that particular chapter. Most center around episodes, but not all. I plan to add more as the opportunity arises.

13. Chapter 13

Saying Goodbye

Adam's thoughts as he leaves the Ponderosa

Post Season 6

God only knows the struggle it's been to finally make this decision. One would think that my father and brothers would be happy to see me go with all the tension my presence has caused them over the past few years. Yet, I see the hurt and regret, maybe even guilt, in their eyes, especially Pa and Joe. I would have thought that Pa would have a better understanding given it was his dreaming that got us to the Ponderosa in the first place, but it seems like Hoss is the one that gets it. Or maybe it's just his easy temperament that loves with abandon and wants everyone to be happy. All I know is that now, when I'm about to get on the stage and head to San Francisco, there is a twinge in my heart that I haven't felt in a while. Amazing what you can rationalize when you feel cheated. I cheated myself, when I came back after graduating from school, like I knew I would. I could have stayed in Boston and established myself, but I had a promise to keep. And I kept it, came back, and stayed longer than I should have. Looking back, it was my waffling and indecision that caused a lot of the problems. If you refuse to pull the burr from under the saddle, the irritation remains, and so do ill tempers.

Though it was unnecessary, Adam reined up Sport and dismounted to the side of the road. He had said his goodbyes at the ranch and told his family to pick up Sport the next time one of them was in town. The last thing Adam wanted was a scene at the stage office, and it felt unfair to put any of them in an awkward situation where they might feel obligated to do or say something that wasn't genuine.

A lump rose in his throat as Adam looked back down the road he had just traveled. He knew from his experience in architecture the importance of having the right perspective. Suddenly things looked much different than they had just a few days ago. He was overcome with a sense of gratitude and thought, how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. Adam patted his horse in response to that feeling and acknowledging just how much he would miss his spirited, faithful mount, this land, and his family.