Authors Note: There has actually been a couple of requests for back story on Cheryl and Blaine, as they frequently appear within this fiction. So for those people that asked, go to my page, its about 4 stories down from the top and its called Against All Odds. It was the first fiction I ever wrote for Glee and one that I hold pretty close to my heart as it was my first story written in about 3 years. Take a read and then you'll get all the info you need for them appearing in this story. That said, lets get on with the show. This chapter will be from April's perspective (Megan) so there's your heads up.
So much has happened in such a short period of time that I don't even know where to begin.
Only a couple of weeks ago I was firmly planted in a living, breathing nightmare with no real light at the end of the tunnel. I believed myself to be stuck there, with no real chance of escape. I had reached the point where even if there had been escape, there wasn't the energy needed for one anymore. The one thing that had changed all of that was my sheer will to want to live.
Sure I didn't have that much to live for anymore. Or at least at that point I believed I didn't. I was estranged from my parents, and older brother, it having been years since the three of us had even spoken. I had no real friends that weren't also friends of his. I was locked up tight in my own nightmare, alone. The only thing in my life that I still wanted to fight for, that I knew I needed to live for was my dream. That dream made by a little girl years previously that one day she would use the talent that God had given her and change the world with it, one person at a time. It was there, even though it had been buried in recent events. Still there and still as strong as ever. It was the one thing I had left to hang on to, to give me the will I needed to survive this nightmare of my own making.
So I pulled every last ounce of strength I had and I made a run for it, changing everything on the surface that needed to be changed in order to make this work. I had made my fresh start. I was no longer Megan Winchester. No I had walked right into April Rose and though still plagued by the pain, the memories and haunted by the life I'd lived for the last few years, I was safe and I was truly becoming April, the way I needed to be.
Enter Sam Evans. The art student and football player by day, singer and knight in shining armour by night. He was such an unexpected and even in the beginning a little unwanted surprise. I could say that he was exactly the way I described him originally but that wouldn't be true. There was so much more to this guy then just the football player, blonde hair, blue eyes, jock image that the people around us saw on a daily basis. He had seen things, been through things and somehow, without me even trying, it pulled me to him instead of away from him the way I needed to be.
I knew that getting close to anyone was a risk I wasn't willing to take. I made that decision before I ran and then again while running. Anyone that I let close enough to me, to see even small parts of the real me was in danger, whether I wanted them to be or not. I knew just how evil he could be when he was angry, the last thing I wanted was for anyone else, especially Sam now, being on the receiving end of it. Not when they deserved so much more then that. I might have put up with the darkness willingly for as long as I had, but there was no reason anyone else should.
Fate seemed to have other plans though, because with as much as I was trying not to get close to anyone, somewhere along the way I had failed and I had become attached. When I wanted to run again he wouldn't let me, not in the violent way, but in the way that I wasn't the only one becoming attached under the surface. I wasn't the only one powerless to stop what was brewing under the surface since that very first meeting in front of the art class. He needed to follow it through and as much as I tried running, I wanted to see it through too. I needed to know why now, when it was the worst time in the world for feelings to develop, that was exactly what was happening.
So I stayed, and I opened up to him. Making sure of course to keep names out of it. To keep actual details of what I had been through quiet. I couldn't tell him everything even though I knew that if there was anyone that was willing to take it all, it was Sam. I wanted to believe that people wouldn't be able to handle it, that what I would tell them would eventually make them sick and they wouldn't look at me the same way again but with Sam, it wasn't something I could believe. With the way he pushed me, the way with even just a look it was like he could see right through me, it was more then evident that he was strong enough to shoulder it and that he wouldn't go anywhere.
Letting my barriers down felt good. Like a load was being lifted off of my shoulders after being there for so many years that I could no longer garner the strength to pull it off myself anymore. The flood gates opened and even though I was scared, I felt lighter once I had told him as much as I had. True to form he took it all in and the only thing he wanted to do was protect me. I could tell there was more under the surface but the only feeling that he would voice, was the one that wanted to protect me. Something I hadn't been shown in a very long time and had no idea what to do with.
When he kissed me that first time, I froze. Not because I wasn't right there with him but because in that moment it seemed almost inappropriate. It shouldn't be happening. Him kissing me, and liking it meant that he would want to do it again, and all I could see was end result of that. Being found and Sam becoming collateral damage. Something I just couldn't have happen even though the way I felt kissing him, how safe, warm and complete it made me couldn't be denied.
For days after that night, he walked me to and from classes. Grabbed lunch with me in between and sometimes even dinner. We spent an enormous amount of time together, but the more we did, the more I learned about him. The things he had been through that made him more open then most to accept my situation. I learned about who he was as a boy, and the man he had grown up into and for the first time in years, I imagined this was what it was really like to date someone. Or at the very least to explore feelings for someone. It could really be this easy, time just passing by as the conversation flowed. I felt normal again.
Sure I wasn't being entirely honest with him. He believed me to be someone that I wasn't but the parts of me other then my name and maybe my physical appearance, he was learning about, they were the real me. They were Megan. Though every single time he called me April, as each passing day went by, I wanted to scream at him to stop. I wanted to tell him the truth even though in doing so I knew he would walk away. No one wants to be lied too, even if its for the reasons I was doing it for, and living with the knowledge that I was doing that very thing to this more then amazing guy, it was enough to eat me alive. Much the way the abuse I had run from used too.
I knew that I was developing some pretty strong feelings for Sam, ones that at some point I was going to have to face. I also knew that if I wanted this to be the real thing, and not another wrong turn on the road map of my disaster of a life, that I had to tell him the truth. I couldn't hide behind April Rose forever. The sooner the better. I found myself becoming so attached to him that even the thought that he might walk away from me once he learned that I had been lying to him scared me to death. Being around him the way we were lately, it was becoming routine and I feared what would happen when that routine was gone.
He had asked me out earlier. A double date with his two friends from the Friday before at the coffee shop and while being around his friends worried me, especially given all that I had confessed to Sam previously, I knew that if I wanted to keep up the charade of being April, this brand new person, the best way to do that was to accept the date and act as normal as possible.
I also wanted to say yes though because I wanted to be around him. I felt alive around him, almost human again and more then that, the dreams that I had let go of years before, to please someone else, were coming alive again just by being around him. So I said yes, to the date, to spending time not only with him but his friends and I found myself looking forward to it.
So if I had accepted and April Rose was about to go on her first real date, why wasn't I happier? Why wasn't I embracing what was happening with more enthusiasm? I knew there was only one answer as to why I couldn't entirely let go and embrace the moment.
Him.
It was more then just him though. It was what would happen when he did find me again, what the end result would be and even more then that, there was just one more lingering question.
How much time did I really have left?