Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea by XYLØ
Mindy walked into the room her eyes darting from Mark's to the floor awkwardly. She sat on the chair and fiddled with her hands on her lap but didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry."
Mindy looked up, unsure what to say. She would let Mark know how she felt, now that she'd finally figured it out, now that she had admitted it to herself (or to Dr Shields while they were outside waiting) She was going to tell him the truth "Mark seeing you hurt like that today reminded me that anything could happen and I should live as if every day is my last and so I'm going to tell you something that I've wanted to say for a while now but couldn't." She spoke so fast her sentence was jumbled up into almost one huge word (that would have been impossible to read had I written it like that) "Mark I-" 'love you'.
"No wait I need to say something. I don't hate you Mindy, I don't hate you at all and I'm eternally grateful that you saved me. Again. You have always been there for me, from the moment we met, from before we met actually and I can not thank you enough. I love you Mindy," Mindy's heart leapt into her throat, 'Was Mark admitting he loved her?' "You're one of my best friends, you are my rock and I honestly don't think I could have handled coming back to Earth without you, even with the rest of the crew all still in the US."
"Best friends?" She smiled at him trying to keep her real feelings off her face 'It's okay Mindy,' she told herself 'What were you expecting. Mark's Mark, the great Martian hero and you're just boring old Mindy from SatCom. You're alright.' "I-" Her voice caught in her throat "I feel the same way." Her hand shook and she quickly sat on them to stop it from being noticed "I- You- you're one of my best friends as well I mean. I like living next to you, and driving to work with you everyday, and I like how you always seem to lighten the mood with your jokes and I- I lo-" She can't say it. She can't say she loves him. Not after she just got friend-zoned so hard. She had heard Beth's comment about Mark telling her how he felt and he didn't love her, not in the way she loved him. "I'm sorry I have to go." She stood up ignoring Mark's protests and questions and rushed out of the door at a speed that could practically be called running. She didn't look at Beth or Chris or Siobhan as she left and ignored their questions as well, she just kept walking out of the building until she came to the hospital. She sighed as she realised she hadn't driven her car there and debated calling an über.
In the end she decided to walk, it wasn't that far and she needed the time to clear her head; to deal with how she would face seeing Mark tomorrow at work, if he was even out of the hospital and back on the job by then.
She realised she was crying and sat down on a bench, curled her legs up and sobbed.
"Um Miss? Are you okay?" A couple approached her awkwardly
"Yes," She sniffed "I'm fine, no need to worry. I just had a bad day. Thank you though." She sent them a watery smile and they left figuring they had done all they could for the crying girl on the bench.
Mindy wasn't quite sure exactly when she had come to the realisation she was in love with Mark Watney, maybe it was after the CNN interview when they sat together in her car and he cried into her shoulder; but she had a feeling that she had been in love with him long before that, but she knew now that when she fell in love didn't matter because Mark didn't love her back.
She groaned as she realised that Chris, Beth and Siobhan would probably be up her ass trying to figure out what had happened and why she had run away. She knew Beth knew about her crush and she assumed Dr Shields did as well but she really hoped she wouldn't need to have to try to explain anything to Chris. He was a lovely guy and smart too but Mark, Beth, Martinez, Rich, Annie and Venkat were her friends from the popular clique of NASA. Chris, Lewis and Vogel were sort of just add ons to her; even if she was actually the add on being the last one (besides Rich Purnell) to join the elite squad of astronauts and professional bad-asses. She hoped the whole crew wouldn't give her hell for running away from Mark but knowing them, they'd probably get her side of the story first.
She sucked in a big gulp of air and brought her useless sobbing to a halt. She was Mindy freaking Park, SatCom extraordinaire and certified Space Paparazzi; she studied freaking Martian volcanoes and dealt with grown men who acted like children and thought it was okay to bully their colleagues; she dealt with the NASA big wigs without embarrassing herself (too badly). She was used to her crushes not liking her back. She could handle this. She could still be Mark's friend - after all he needed her, or so he had said. She was his rock. She would just have to be content with being his rock and nothing more.