"I Do's and Don'ts"

THE PLAZA HOTEL - WEDDING PREPARATION

"Okay ladies, I picked this up at the last minute and I want your opinion," said Scarlett as she pulled an elaborate long white silk jeweled negligee out of her La Petit Coquette shopping bag and held it up to herself over her dress. "What do you think, good enough for the wedding night?"

"Hmm," Lady Jaye pondered aloud, "I don't know. Throw it on the floor and see how it looks there since that's where it's going to end up anyway." Scarlett mockingly tossed the gown on the floor as the four gal pals gathered around and stared at the item in question.

"Looks good," said Cover Girl approvingly.

"Breathtaking," said Baroness as she sipped her champagne.

"Very sexy," Lady Jaye gave her approval.

"Okay, enough of that," said Scarlett as she picked up the negligee off the floor and held it up to herself again in front of the full length mirror. "Come on seriously is th- - DADDY!" Scarlett's face turned bright red as she hurriedly hid the negligee behind her at the sight of her father.

"Nothing I haven't seen before, Lass," said Patrick O'Hara in his Irish lilt as he laughed at his daughter, "Though certainly not quite that fancy, mind you."

"Daaaaad!" Scarlett was getting even more embarrassed.

"Hello Patrick," Lady Jaye greeted him with a hug, "how are you doing today?"

"Beside myself now that my little girl is getting married today," Patrick beamed.

"Daddy, I'm - over 30 - I'm hardly a little girl anymore," said Scarlett.

"Oh, I know exactly how old you are Lass, I was there when you were born," Patrick taunted her, "I haven't lost my memory in the old age yet, mind you. Now tell me, when is this old man going to become a grandpa?"

"Slow down Daddy, I haven't even taken my vows yet," Scarlett reasoned, "and besides, you're ALREADY a grandpa!"

"I meant you and Conrad."

"Daddy, have you met the Baroness Anastasia?" Scarlett desperately tried to change the subject. Baroness walked up to greet the father of the bride.

"Mr. O'Hara," Baroness greeted him.

"Oh please, none of that nonsense. You can call me Patrick," he said.

"And you can call me fabulous," Baroness replied faux-flirtatiously.

"Oh jeez," Scarlett groaned, "this isn't happening." Lawrence popped into the room.

"Speaking of fabulous-," said Lady Jaye upon Lawrence's entrance.

"It's show time, princess!" Lawrence informed Scarlett. "Oh my, would you look at this package of a bride? You could wrap it in a Tiffany bow! That Wang is 100% sublime, princess. Sleek and elegant, just like you!"

"Thanks," Scarlett replied.

"Did he just say 'That Wang'?" Lady Jaye whispered to Scarlett, "Just when you thought he couldn't be any gayer." Scarlett smiled and nodded, trying not to laugh.

"Okay ladies, let's go; guests are waiting!" Lawrence enthusiastically instructed, tapping his watch. The group followed Lawrence to the ceremony entrance. Scarlett snuck a peek at the audience.

"Oh God," Scarlett weakly moaned.

"Shana, what's the matter honey?" Patrick asked in concern.

"The audience didn't look this large on the guest list," Scarlett fretfully replied as she started turning pale, "and I don't think I know HALF of those people out there."

"Just a few hundred of your closest business associates, princess," Lawrence informed her. Scarlett's heart started racing even faster.

"Oh shit, Scarlett! You're not going to be sick are you?" Lady Jaye nervously asked her, recognizing her telltale signs of performance anxiety.

"I'm going to screw this all up," Scarlett faintly answered in fright, "and in front of all those people."

"Darling, take a Xanax. You'll feel much better," Baroness offered. Scarlett timidly shook her head "no." "Well I have to take my seat. If you change your mind see Lawrence." Baroness left to join the audience.

"Listen to me Shana," Patrick said to her soothingly, "If you don't know those people then it doesn't matter what they think. This is your day and you paid a pretty penny for this production so it's your prerogative to screw it up if you so choose. Conrad loves you and will marry you regardless and that's all that matters. And I'll be right here next to you the entire time."

"Go on," Scarlett softly gave Cover Girl and Lady Jaye the green light to start walking down the aisle.

"You're sure? You gonna be okay?" Cover Girl asked her. Scarlett nodded in a daze. Taking heed, Cover Girl started her walk down the aisle, followed by Lady Jaye.

"I want you to know, your mother would be so proud. Come Lass, your husband is waiting," Patrick gently told Scarlett as she took his arm. As they proceeded to walk down the aisle, Scarlett tried her best to concentrate on stepping and moving gracefully, though it seemed impossible to control since she didn't feel as if she were in her own body anymore. Oh God, why did Duke have to tease me about my aisle walk at the rehearsal dinner? Scarlett wondered, as she was even more self-conscious now because of it. He had mocked that she sashayed like Baroness down the aisle, called her "Sashay Shanté," and "say 'fabulous darling'," and naturally the O'Hara brothers had to join in as well! Grrr, not helping with the performance anxiety. Fucking comedians, they'll get theirs later. Don't sashay, don't sashay, she mentally repeated to herself. We're here! I made it! She thought as they reached the end of the aisle and her father gave her away.

Still completely dazed, Scarlett looked around at the wedding party. Duke looked so handsome and so happy. Definitely more confident than me right now and probably more with it too, she thought. Oh look! There's Flint and Falcon next to him! Huh, what are THEY doing up here? Oh duh, Flint's his best man and Falcon's his brother! I knew this fifteen minutes ago! What is wrong with me? I wish I would snap out of it! She fretted to herself as she zoned at the pastor. She tried to listen intently but it was as if she were trying to listen underwater. Oh shit! My line! She thought as she rushed into her vows. Aw fuck! That was Duke's line! I hope they didn't catch that on the video. I wish we had eloped instead.

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RECEPTION

"Jaye, have some of this divine champagne. What are you doing drinking that shit?" Baroness criticized Lady Jaye's choice of plain soda.

"No alcohol for me. Dash and I are trying to get pregnant," Lady Jaye explained.

"I like how people say that like the man is somehow also carrying the baby," Cover Girl chuckled.

"Believe me, when he's living in hormone hell for nine months he's going to WISH he was the one giving birth!" Lady Jaye joked.

"Honestly Jaye, couldn't you just get a dog instead?" Baroness exasperatingly suggested.

"Riiiiiight, because THAT'S the same thing," Lady Jaye dryly retorted.

"Well good for you, Allie! It's about time one of us started a family," Cover Girl enthusiastically told her as sadness started building up inside her. All of her friends were married now and getting ready to start families while she didn't even have any prospects. Baroness counted as "married" since her situation was as close to marriage as she was probably ever going to get. Destro would only marry her if it were to his benefit, such as preventing her from being forced to testify against him. But it was highly unlikely. Cover Girl polished off her champagne and helped herself to another glass.

"Here they come!" said Lady Jaye as Mr. and Mrs. Hauser were announced into the reception room by the emcee. "You did it! How are you doing, hon?" she asked Scarlett as she hugged her.

"I'm completely out of it," said Scarlett worriedly, "and I'm sober!"

"Don't worry, I know what you mean. Just smile and agree with everything and you'll be just fine," Lady Jaye assured her. Scarlett nodded her head.

After the ceremony guests tucked into a seven-course meal with New England clam chowder, foie gras and lobster plus roasted Welsh lamb on the menu. After dinner, Duke and Scarlett made their rounds to talk to their guests. Several months of planning were in a whirlwind around Scarlett and she wasn't in control anymore. All she could do was let the planning chips fall where they may. She felt as if she was in the eye of the storm, calm and peaceful as the reception tornado buzzed around her. All these faces, she thought, but I don't KNOW any of them. Okay, I know this one, she thought as she spoke to a familiar face. But I'm drawing a blank on his name! I DO know his name, he's my director and I work with him every day for God's sake! So why can't I remember his name? She thought as she smiled and nodded at the director to whatever he was saying. NOBODY'S names are coming to me; they're all at best familiar faces.

Thank goodness Duke is doing all the talking, Scarlett thought as she admired his socializing skills. Look at my husband, he's so congenial. If you didn't know better you would think that he actually knew every single person here. He could do PR if he wanted to. Funny, I'm usually the one who has to do all the talking and shmoozing but today he's reversed the roles to keep me safely in the eye of the storm so I don't get caught in the tornado. I love him so much, she thought as she looked up and smiled at him. Duke gave her a gentle kiss to reassure her. Everything would be just fine as long as he was around. Always the fearless leader.

"Okay beautiful happy couple, it's time to do the bouquet and garter toss!" Lawrence enthusiastically informed them. Lawrence led Scarlett to the designated bouquet toss area. Scarlett smiled and waved her bouquet in the air as the emcee taunted the single ladies. Let the emcee do all the talking, she thought to herself in her daze. She didn't even take notice of who caught the bouquet as she was led away to start the garter toss. What the-, she thought to herself, are they playing that NOOKIE song? I'm going to kill that fairy Lawrence! I never Okayed this! Oh wait - or did I? Sigh, who knows anymore. Oh look, Duke aimed the garter right for Beach Head. At least I remember HIS name, she thought as she watched the garter bounce off of Beach's chest while he stood with his arms folded, looking grumpy as usual. Probably because Flint was standing guard right behind him to make sure Beach didn't run for cover. Shipwreck dove for the garter on the floor. What is that guy starting a personal lingerie collection? He's starting to worry me with that. I don't even WANT to know what he plans to do with that later! I want my fucking garter back.

"Ooh, is the big bad Ranger scared of a little piece of lace?" Cover Girl taunted Beach Head, laughing heartily with what was probably about her tenth glass of champagne in her hand. She lost track after five.

"Only if it's on YOU, Cover Girl," Beach gruffly retorted.

"Ha! Only because you wouldn't know what to do, baby!" Cover Girl snorted in laughter.

"I know I'd shut you up for a few hours," Beach dryly replied. Cover Girl stopped laughing. A few hours? It sure has been awhile too, but wait, eeewww not Beach Head! She thought, or tried to think in her delightful champagne buzz. Wait, what was bad about him again? Certainly not that kiss at Cecelia's engagement party! Damn Beach and his huge talent.

"Ooh, is that a threat or an offer, Beachie?" Cover Girl challenged him.

"Whatever it is you sure could use it, Blondie," Beach smugly replied.

"HA! You couldn't handle THIS package, baby! I'd spank you so hard you'd run crying to your mama!" WHO SAID THAT? Cover Girl wondered in amusement and horror at herself and the champagne. Damn this stuff's potent! "Hey Beachie baby, why don't you save yourself the trouble and just run to Mama Sneeden now to get your cry on! Heh!" she continued to taunt him then figured she had better walk away now before the champagne said anything else.

Cover Girl went around the corridor near the restrooms to collect herself. Whew! Too much good champagne! It was going to make her mouth get herself into trouble if she wasn't careful. At least it made her forget her sadness for a moment - oops there it is again. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for her friends, because she sincerely was. But she couldn't help feeling somehow left behind, especially since she longed for these things even more than Scarlett and Lady Jaye in her opinion. Did life forget about her? What made her so unworthy of these things? The intensity of it all was 100 times heavier for actually being at Scarlett's wedding and listening to Lady Jaye's baby plans. Fuck, where's some more of that kick- ass champagne? She thought as she turned to fetch another glass, only to find Beach Head standing in her way.

"By the way, that was a threat," Beach Head answered her earlier question as he pulled her into an aggressively passionate kiss. Just how she liked it. It fueled her own aggression. She pushed him towards the restroom and yanked him into a stall to make out, which turned to ravaging. Oh God, Lawrence was right: this IS hot! Cover Girl thought to herself as she lost herself in Beach's overpowering physique. The ecstasy of this is even better than the champagne!

"Just so we're clear, this is just sex. I still hate you Beach Head," Cover Girl huskily declared in his ear as she pushed him down on the seat and climbed on his lap so they were facing each other.

"Good," Beach growled as he grabbed a fistful of her hair, "that's fucken' hot."

"Shut up and show me that huge talent, baby."

*******************

"Is it just me or was Scarlett out of sorts today?" Flint asked, reflecting on Scarlett's strange behavior today.

"I thought she was going to be sick right before the ceremony. But you know, weddings can be excruciatingly nerve-racking for any bride," Lady Jaye reasoned.

"Sick, huh? Interesting," Flint pondered aloud.

"What are you getting at, Dash?"

"I'm just saying that you weren't the only one avoiding alcohol tonight. I don't think I saw a drink in her hand ONCE today," Flint commented.

"Yes she did, the toast," Lady Jaye corrected him.

"Which she barely touched," Flint added then suggested, "You think maybe she's not telling us something?"

"Oh Dash, your imagination's running wild!" Lady Jaye dismissed his observations.

*******************

As the evening started winding down, so did the whirlwind of the day surrounding Scarlett as she started to feel herself coming back down to earth. The tornado was dying down and she could finally start to snap out of her trance. A wave of relief washed over her as she realized that she had made it through the day in one piece. She just wished she could have enjoyed all the hoopla more. She did at all her other parties. But then again, this wasn't all her other parties.

"Can you believe all this?" Scarlett asked in amazement.

"See? You made it, Mrs. Hauser," Duke told her reassuringly.

"Only because of you," said Scarlett then wistfully added, "Yet a part of me doesn't want to see this all come to an end."

"What do you mean, 'come to an end'? Baby, this is just the beginning!" Duke boasted.

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