Okay I got a bit carried away so the final chapter took slightly longer than 24hrs..
But hopefully the content is worth it!
This is my longest chapter yet so hope yous like it!
Thanks so much for all the latest reviews as always.
Oh, and enjoy reading an emotionally intelligent Harvey..
Chapter Thirteen: The Painting, Her Letter and His Confession
Donna awoke bright and early the next morning with roughly four hours sleep in her. She had already spent hours relaying her options in her head when she got home after the altercation the previous night;
1. Leave the firm and find a new job in the City. Maybe even a career change.
2. Leave the state, start afresh somewhere far away. Chicago, like Jessica had suggested, perhaps.
3. Stay at the firm and remain in this vicious cycle with the man she loves, out of fear of finding out what her life would be like without him.
By 8.00 a.m, she had decided.
By 8.15 a.m, she had changed her decision.
By 8.30 a.m, she had forced herself to make up her mind.
Donna gathered her coat and bag and was about to open her door when there was a couple of knocks. She hesitated for a moment before shaking away the panic. It wasn't his knock..
She opened the door to a friendly faced delivery man resting a large, square shaped package against the wall. She frowned in intrigue before leaning her head back and biting her bottom lip, realising what it was. She rolled her eyes at the timing of it all before offering the man a warm greeting and signing the delivery report.
The arrival had somewhat thrown her off her game, making her decision even harder. She didn't go to the firm that day, deciding to work from home instead.
…
Harvey slept through his alarm thanks to a certain sleep-inducing pharmaceutical he had taken at 4 in the morning, in a desperate attempt to numb his mind to certain issues. But he woke up groggy, certain he dreamed of her anyway. Of her leaving.
It was about 10 a.m when he crawled out of his bed. He checked his phone, telling himself it was in case any clients had tried calling, but really there was only one person's name he wanted to see in his notifications. But she wasn't there. He sighed, debating whether or not to go into work. It was a Saturday and he didn't have any urgent cases. He thought she might be there though and he just wanted to see her, to see if she was okay, and to make sure she hadn't quit yet. But he was certain he had at least two weeks to sort things. Two weeks notice that was.
He stayed at home.
…
Monday morning came all too quickly. Both of them feeling as though the weekend hadn't offered enough time.
Donna had made her decision however, her affairs were now in order.
Harvey figured he'd speak to her at some stage during the day, to try fix things.
The lawyer was fed, watered, suited and booted when he entered the firm early that morning. He could see her in her office, head down typing up something. He swooped into his own office, the silence of the room lasting all of two seconds before his mind began ringing with thoughts of the woman next door. He sat down at his desk only to sit up again moments later, eager to go see her. Just as he was half way to the door, she appeared inside it.
They both paused, not expecting to bump into one another.
"I uhh.. was just about to come see you." He muttered nervously.
"You were?" There was a relief in her voice that she didn't expect.
He nodded with a straight smile, before relaxing his shoulders, sending her an apologetic stare.
She shook her optimism then, forcing herself to stick to her previous decision.
"You first." he offered.
One high-chested breath later, she spoke, "I spent the entire weekend thinking things over. We need to talk, Harvey." she stated, ensuring to maintain a firm tone.
He swallowed then. Her face, her voice, her words, all confirming his worst nightmare. She wanted to leave. He had fucked things up so much that she physically needed to escape the firm. And him.
"Donna.." his voice melted away as he tried to utter something, anything, to convince her to stay.
Before she got the chance to confirm it, Mike stumbled in rather frantically, unintentionally interrupting their moment. "Har-vey." He sighed mid speech at what he saw, hating having to disrupt whatever discussion they were having knowing he couldn't leave without talking to his boss.
Harvey however, seemed relieved at his friends timing. It meant he wouldn't have to hear her say that she was leaving him, now he had more time to mend things, so he thought.
His subtle relief didn't go unnoticed by Donna, who was still carefully observing him, shaking her head slightly at his mediocre attempt to mask his delight. But she knew him like he knew the law, he couldn't hide a damn thing from her.
"What is it, Mike?" he asked, trying to sound annoyed.
"Uhh, it's Gregory Johnson, he was at the party Friday? He's with Louis now but wants to see you too. I'm sorry but it's important."
Harvey turned to Donna. She knew and he knew. A potential client like that could not wait, not with the money his company could offer the firm.
The redhead closed her eyes and sighed. Business once again trumping the personal, "It's okay, it can wait." she murmured.
"We'll talk later, I promise." he nodded to her firmly, before joining Mike.
The pair left for Louis' office side by side, leaving Donna alone in Harvey's. Her right hand holding onto her left arm, she began to shake. She inhaled a deep breath, realising then that she herself was also a bit relieved at not having to tell him yet. She looked to his beloved picture on the wall, reminding her of what she needed to do, before biting her bottom lip and returning to her own office.
…
Harvey's meeting went on longer than expected and when he finally got back to the office, Donna was tied up in work of her own, so he decided to leave it until later. That evening offered him another chance to go see her but when he did, she wasn't there. He decided make his way home for the night then, to gather his thoughts and practice what he actually wanted to tell Donna. Other than the fact that he was in love with her, of course.
Donna had spent most of the day somewhat avoiding him. Well, making sure that she was buried in paperwork and meetings of her own at least. She had realised how scary telling him would be when she had tried to do it earlier that morning before Mike barged in. She felt sick at the thought.
She met Mike in the halls again later, who informed her that Harvey had just left to go home, "Is everything okay, Donna?" he asked, seeing her inner frustration, knowing full well it wasn't.
Donna looked at him then, the younger brother she had never asked for but now couldn't imagine her life without. She had been a parental figure to him since he stepped foot inside the firm, guiding him emotionally, as she did with everyone else, but with him there was an added satisfaction to her work, seeing how far he'd come since they first met.
A thought occurred to her then, that thanks to Mike, Harvey began to evolve into the softer, more compassionate man he had become of late. The aspiring young lawyer was the catalyst for his bosses emotional growth, with Donna navigating it as per usual.
She reached out and gently squeezed his arm, the goodbye she was giving him without his knowledge, "It will be soon. Thank you, Mike." she smiled meaningfully before heading for the elevators, leaving him to wonder.
As she entered the harshly lit lobby, she saw him there, stuck talking to someone in a suit, he looked like he wanted to get out of there. He saw her then, from afar, pretending not to notice her he abruptly ended his conversation. Starting to walk away, through the hallway, desperate to reach the doors which were now the gateway to his escape. His one and only exit taking him away from the unfathomable fear she was about to confirm. Once she said it, it would make it real.
She shook her head at his shrinking figure, and began making strides towards him. Once she was within earshot she let him have it, "Don't you dare walk away from me Harvey!" Her heated demand becoming an icy echo against the heavy glass, high walls and hard marble tiles.
He stopped in his tracks, thankful there was nobody around the extravagantly sized hallway then. The glass walls teased him, offering a visual of where he needed to be, out there, getting into Ray's car. He turned to face her soon after, his cold, blank stare refusing to show how he really felt inside; panicked, threatened and alone. Donna-less.
"What is it, Donna?"
"What is it?" she mimicked in disbelief, "What is it!?"
He cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth, an impatient look on his finely chiseled face, "I didn't mea-"
"So what did you mean?" She began closing the gap between them then so that they were less than an arm's length apart. Any closer and she would have actually heard his heart slamming against his chest, "Because what I thought you meant this morning by, "we'll talk later, I promise.", was that we would actually talk later!?"
He felt himself becoming defensive, as he always did when someone was shining a magnifying glass down on his ugly behaviour, "What's there to talk about, huh!?" he bellowed back at her, straight away filling with contempt for himself.
"A lot, Harvey." she stated in amazement at his denial ability, stepping back an inch to observe him in disbelief.
He couldn't stand any more of her looks then. Not realising the full impact his words would have, he spat them out at her. "You wanna leave, Donna? Then leave! What do I care? That's all we ever do to each other these days anyway, right? So if you're gonna go, just go."
He waved his hand toward her, trying to seem as disinterested and indifferent as possible. He wasn't sure why though, he knew he didn't want to hurt her, but something inside of him was doing it anyway, as if to be the one to do it first so he wouldn't be the one left in pieces afterwards. The most spiteful of protective mechanisms.
Besides that, he actually found himself wanting to make her feel guilty for leaving and also hating himself for wanting her to stay when all she needed was to leave, so it seemed.
He wasn't facing her fully anymore, his back was to the glass walls almost completely, his right shoulder pointing to her more than his body was. Telling her that he was desperate to flee. He looked at her face after he had spoke then, wishing he hadn't. Only seeing an image he knew he could never erase. He had broken her heart, her spirit, and just her in general, with the mere release of a few dozen words. Meaningless, untruthful ones, the exact opposite of the ones he wanted, the ones he needed, to say. She was almost unrecognisable, the unfiltered hurt oozing from her features as she eyed him up and down in disgust, wondering was it even still him she was looking at. He physically couldn't take one more second of it.
"I should go." he said calmly, with an underlying annoyance in his tone still, except it was aimed only at himself this time.
"Yeah. You should." she nodded with a disheartened frown.
Donna stood there in shock, watching him leave, for the first time in her life feeling like she actually wanted him to.
One step forward, a dozen backward.
…
She gathered herself quickly once he had left and went back upstairs. Standing over her desk she pulled out the sealed envelope from its drawer, with a letter inside it that she had written earlier in the day. She looked at it for a moment before picking up her multi-coloured Bic pen and clicking down the black slide. With a pang in her chest, or more accurately, in her heart, she stained the white envelope with the black ink; Harvey.
She put on her coat and handbag, also carrying an extra bag packed with some of her more sentimental office items and took what she felt to be one last look around her office, smiling bitter-sweetly at her name displayed on the glass panel.
Rachel appeared on the other side of it then, about to head home for the night when she saw Donna standing there, a sad reminiscence about her, "Hey you." the budding lawyer said sweetly, hanging outside the doorway.
Donna inhaled and looked away from the lettering, "Hey yourself." she whispered, throat slightly hoarse from her most recent brawl.
"Everything okay?" Rachel asked, unknowingly parroting her fiancés own question from before, glancing at the second black bag her friend was carrying.
Donna looked down and chuckled before taking a step closer to Rachel, a heartbreaking smile spreading across her face, "Always worrying about me, aren't you?"
"That's what sisters do." Rachel replied softly, and matter-of-factly. She looked at Donna even closer then, feeling as though words wouldn't rid whatever was eating at her, she extended her arms, "You're always there when I need a warm hug, so come here."
Donna's eyes began to sting, she tightened her lips and bit down on her tongue, before giving in and dropping her bags to the floor. They both took a step forward and closed the gap between them then. Rachel's cream coated arms wrapping around her taller friend's middle spine, as the handbag in her right hand rested against the redhead's back.
Donna was doing everything in her power to hold back the sobbing then as she strung her own arms around her confidants upper back. A hug making everything more real. Squeezing out the tears she had thought were dried up at this stage. Turned out there were always more tears to cry for that man. She didn't make a sound, but Rachel knew she was crying. After one last tight grip, they let go. Donna looked down and let out a nervous laugh followed by an exhausted sigh as she wiped away the tears.
Rachel released a sympathetic if not empathetic frown, pressing her lips together, unable to take her eyes away from her friend, allowing her time to speak when she was ready.
"I'm leaving him." she revealed as she exhaled, "I have to. I should have done it weeks ago, but I couldn't. I didn't want to."
Rachel nodded in painful understanding, yet inwardly confused as she thought the pair seemed so happy at the party just three days prior. But it was Donna and Harvey. She was all too aware that the neglected tension between them always threatened to turn bad moments into good ones, and vice versa.
"Where are you going?" she asked sadly.
"Chicago."
Rachel wistfully nodded once more, realising that this was their goodbye. She tossed her own feelings aside and focused on Donna's.
"Don't forget about me, you." she whispered, tears welling up in her topaz-brown eyes.
Donna didn't need to reassure that she could never do that, her face answered for her, "That's what FaceTime is for." she winked, affectionately tapping Rachel's arm in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood, "And once the dust settles I'll visit, and you can visit, we'll be sick of each other in no time at all!" She was trying to sound as optimistic as possible, knowing in reality they wouldn't get to see each other that much.
"You're still my Maid of Honor, you know?" Rachel asserted.
"Rach, you would have to pry that title from my cold, dead hands." she quipped, before returning to seriousness, "I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world."
Rachel moved her lips into an 'o' shape and slowly breathed out, before going in for another, briefer, hug. This one was for her, the last one she offered being for Donna. She pushed herself away then, hands still holding the redhead's upper arms, "Call me as soon as you land, okay?"
"Of course." Donna smiled dolefully, "And this isn't goodbye, so I'm not gonna say that." she added.
"Be happy, Donna." she demanded affectionately.
One last loving gaze and Rachel turned on her heels, making her way back out into the hallway, pausing momentarily so smile back at her friend before reluctantly heading on her way.
Guilt set in almost immediately afterwards for Donna as she realised she was almost about to leave without even telling Rachel or saying goodbye properly. She felt the need to see everyone else then but time was against her, and they would all be gone home too by now. Besides, telling Rachel had taken almost every last bit of energy she had left, she wouldn't be able to go through two more rounds of that with Mike and Louis. She had faith that they would understand, well, she had faith Mike would understand, for Louis she would have to pray to about ten different gods that he wouldn't resent her for it.
Donna returned to what she was about to do before her friend unexpectedly stopped by. She knew Harvey wouldn't be returning tonight. She entered his relatively new office, the memories of sharing drinks, dancing and heated conversations bouncing off the walls as she walked through.
"We are anything but united, Donna."
"I'm not happy, Donna."
"Love me how?"
All of their most recent conversations since the kiss seeming pointless then, words once offering cruel glimpses of hope as he tried to open up to her, now sweeping through her mind as cold, echoing, despair-filled winds, reminding her that he didn't care to try harder.
She slowly and neatly lay the envelope down on his spotless desk. Remembering the years she did such tasks as his secretary, during happier times, albeit times that were always underlined with a stroke of doubt, and a fear of risk.
Tears started to form under her eyelids but she held them back, glancing around the room her tired eyes falling on the painting again, reminding her of the last gift she had left for him earlier that day, before she left his office without looking back.
She turned right, taking the longer route to the elevators, giving herself one last chance to see her old cubicle on the way.
Continuing her journey, she landed in Louis' office next, knowing it would be empty thanks to her informant Gretchen. A smile swept across her ivory cheeks as she stood at his desk, looking at the picture he still had of her, sitting there proudly displaying her in all her Shakespearian glory. Pressing her lips into a thin line, she opened her handbag and slid her second envelope of the night down onto the dark mahogany. Inside this one however, was a receipt for a mudding appointment dated one month away, for two people. She knew that when he found out about her departure, he would see this as her way of saying, "I'll see you soon".
Making her way out into the dark, cold night, she walked over to an awaiting cab opening the door before looking up towards the building that held the majority of her memories over the last decade. She inhaled then before exhaling deeply, as if letting them go, knowing the weight of them inside her would only force her to stay stuck in that spot, never to leave.
Climbing into the cab, she called out her address and stared out the window for the duration of the ride, the reflecting street lights dancing against her face just as the thoughts danced around in her mind.
…
As Harvey stepped off the elevator to his apartment he frowned upon spotting a parcel leaning against his door frame. He took out his keys and opened the door before picking up the large package. It was much lighter than he initially thought it would be. He made his way inside, kicking the door closed behind him. Throwing the keys down on the marble counter, he lay the package out flat, the lights above now shining on the address he first assumed to be his.
Then he saw the name; Donna Paulsen.
He lowered his brows in bemusement. He didn't want to open it, seeing as it was addressed to her home. Then he realised she must have left it at his door at some stage during the day, or had someone else deliver it, before the argument in the lobby.
He flipped it over and that's when he saw the other name, the sender's name; Lilian Specter.
Underneath that was a small white card stuck to the brown wrap paper.
"New beginnings.
-D"
Harvey was even more baffled then and couldn't even guess what might be inside. What plan had they hatched up together last week?
His curiosity reached its peak and he gave in, carefully slicing the parcel paper open with a knife at the top. He then pulled out its contents which were smothered in a layer of protective wrap. He could see an array of colours bursting out through the translucent bubbles, morphing the image of what was underneath. He had a fair idea then and he paused for a moment. Of course she would pull this off, he thought to himself, beaming as a visual of Donna was projected onto his mind's eye, until the painful image of her in the lobby overrode it, cracking his heart in two once more.
Without further hesitation he ripped away the bubble wrap and gazed at the canvas before him. His lips pressed together and his jaw set. His heart mending with pure admiration, gratitude and love.
After a moment of taking it in he picked it up, both hands on either side of the square object, standing it up on the counter. It wasn't an exact replica of the one he lost, but almost. He guessed that was the point. A symbol of the new relationship he was building with his mother. He stared at the image, a homely hue of mostly blues and greens and yellows and oranges.
Almost immediately, he carried himself to the white wall beside the brick-walled fire place and removed some meaningless picture that was already hanging there. He replaced it with his mother's painting. He stood back and glanced at it smiling softly from ear to ear. One for home now too, he thought.
Soon after, he pictured Donna again. Seeing the painting reminded him of everything his mother made him realise when she was visiting. He wasn't going to let the love of his life go without a fight.
Glancing at the clock he realised she was probably still at work. He wanted to thank her first of all, but he still owed her that conversation he promised earlier. And an apology for his most recent behaviour. He grabbed his coat and called Ray to come pick him up as he descended down the elevator.
…
Meanwhile the love of his life, was just about finished packing up her life.
She had thought about it the entire weekend. Finally coming to the conclusion that she needed to get away from the City too. The home she once loved was now polluted with painful memories and reminders of what she couldn't have, what he would never give her.
Her and Jessica had spoken about Chicago at the party that Friday. She told Donna that there would always be a job for her there if she needed it. Even though she didn't think Donna would actually take her up on her offer, she still meant it, and now that Donna had, Jessica figured it would give Harvey the last push he needed to profess his love for her. She just hoped she wasn't wrong and in fact helping to further the wedge between the pair.
Donna had spent most of Sunday boxing up her things, deciding to go in for one last day on Monday, to say a proper goodbye before leaving the following afternoon. But when the time came to tell Harvey that morning, he walked away the first chance he got and then ran away again that evening in the lobby. She figured just leaving would be easier for everyone.
Gretchen had been a huge aid, agreeing to help find a suitable replacement for Donna and have her work load distributed out to capable staff. The last thing she wanted to do was leave the firm high and dry. However, she still needed to get out, it was now or never.
Harvey wouldn't understand at first, he would see it as abandonment, she thought. And maybe he would be right to some degree. But the fact was, she would always be there for him should he need it, she just needed to be there for herself this time. And this was what she needed to do, so she convinced herself.
Besides, having Harvey resent her and be mad at her for it was better than him being devastated over it. She feared that saying goodbye to his face and him having to see her physically walk away again would trigger his panic attacks like it did when she left to go work for Louis. That is the last thing on earth she would want. Also, she wasn't even sure he deserved a goodbye after their last conversation. This is how it has to be, she told herself over and over.
Donna had taken the time out of her lunch that day to drop the painting off at Harvey's, knowing he wouldn't be home until that evening at least. She didn't even open the packaging, she wanted Harvey to be the first one to see his mother's work. Leaving the painting there, she did not expect it to trigger him to come find her. But then again, she couldn't have foreseen their last confrontation that he wanted to apologise for either.
…
Harvey jumped out of Ray's Lexus and sensing that he and Donna were in for a long conversation, he kindly told his trusty driver to go home for the night.
He anxiously tapped the elevator buttons, bringing him to the 50th floor. As the doors flew open he saw Gretchen making her way home, "Donna still here?"
"I'm not sure." she lied, he didn't notice the guilty expression on her face as he began to walk away, "Have you been to your office?" she called out.
"Just heading that way now." he smiled back, warily.
"Oh." she shuffled on the spot before getting into the elevator, "Well, good night Mr. Specter."
"Good night, Gretchen." He couldn't help but feel as though she was sending him a pitiful stare. He shrugged it off for the moment and continued to Donna's office.
She wasn't there. Her bag was gone so he figured she had made her way home for the night and decided to go there next. Something made him stop on his way out though. He looked back, something was off. Her office seemed emptier, less warm, with a few knickknacks here and there seemingly missing. He wouldn't have over analysed it, but Gretchen's question from just minutes earlier was playing on his mind then.
With a sinking gut, he made his way to his own office. Nothing was different, and Donna certainly wasn't there so he didn't see why she would have asked him had he been there. Until he did see it, sitting there on his desk, so neatly, straight away telling him she had placed it there.
He cocked his head and lowered his bottom lip, taking in the large breath he would require to haul himself over to his desk.
He snatched up the envelope and took one look at the aesthetic handwriting which was more than enough to confirm who wrote it. Carefully yet speedily ripping open the white paper, he pulled out the cream sheet inside, her elegant writing consuming the page.
Harvey,
This isn't my official resignation letter, I didn't want to just leave that on your desk. It is however, the letter explaining my resignation. A letter to my friend, not my boss.
The last few months have only confirmed what I always knew. That I love you too much. And because of that fact, I've put you first in every aspect of my life, even at times where I knew I shouldn't. Please don't think that I'm leaving because I don't care, when only the opposite is true. I cannot stay at the firm and watch us either grow further apart or fall back as just friends. Not when I want to be so much more, with you. I didn't always know that but I know it now. I don't blame you, for not loving me enough to tell me, it is what it is. But I can't promise that if I stick around I won't begin to resent you for it, which is the last thing I would want.
I'm sorry I had to write it down, I don't think that I could summon the words to your face even if I tried, which I did this morning. How do you say goodbye to someone you've said hello to almost everyday for the last thirteen years?
I wholeheartedly hope that you find happiness, that's all I've ever wanted for you really. I've realised now that that won't be with me.
I will always love you, Harvey.
Donna.
Harvey forgot how to move, how to think, how to breath.
Signs of a panic attack set in as his chest constricted and his vision blurred. He was about ten seconds away from hunching over and vomiting when he came back to himself. Forcing himself to fight it off, so he could find her, and tell her. Everything.
He held onto the desk to ground him, feeling the cold marble flush against his hot veins. He looked around at various objects in the room trying to bring himself back to the present. Next he smelled his aftershave as he inhaled. All small actions, helping him gain control of his senses once again. He eventually won the battle and straightened up, letter still in hand although slightly crinkled from his recently clenched fist.
As soon as he was fit to leave he dashed out the door, still slightly dizzy. He burst through the reception and forcefully pressed the elevator buttons.
The doors opened and out dashed a frantic Mike, almost colliding with Harvey as he jumped out, "Thank God," he sighed looking up to the ceiling, expressing relief at finding his friend, "Harvey I just spoke to Rachel, Donna's le-"
"Leaving. I know." he said deeply, adamantly pushing his way passed Mike, holding up the letter for him as he got into the elevator, pressing for the lobby.
Mike faced him and nodded, "Tell her how-" He was cut off.
"Appreciate it Mike, but I don't need Robin telling me what to do anymore. Or anyone for that matter. I'm gonna do it." He lowered his chin and sent Mike a serious nod as the doors closed between them.
"About fucking time, Batman." Mike whispered to himself.
On the way down Harvey wondered when she had left the letter. Did I just miss her? Where is she going? Am I too late?
The doors gushed open and he jumped out into the bright, florescent lobby, still holding onto the piece of paper as if it was a piece of her. The only one he had left.
He desperately searched around for her, feeling stupid, knowing she was probably well gone by then. Giving one last glance around the street once he got outside, he hailed down a cab feeling as though time wasn't on his side. He rattled off her address to the driver as if his life depended on it.
The words he needed to say all forming at once in his brain now that he knew it was literally now or never. He was only sure of one thing; that he was going to say it all, each and every last syllable.
How she would respond? He had no idea.
…
An oblivious Donna was in her living room, organising the packed boxes into a neat heap before she was headed for bed. She paused for a moment, anxiously tapping the cardboard container as she looked around. The room seemed much larger without all of her personal items littered around the place. She bit her lip and slid her tongue across her teeth as she found herself getting lost in thought. Am I making the right decision?
Before she could even answer her own question, she heard a knock on her door. His knock.
Her heart would have jumped right out of her chest had it been physically able to. The knocks were louder, more startling than usual, but still in the same pattern. She figured he wound up back at the firm and found her letter that night, instead of in the morning when she would be well gone, like she had hoped when she left it there.
As she debated ignoring him, knowing she would never really be able to, his deep muffled voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Donna?! Donna are you in there?" he shouted, voice cracking.
Her eyes and mouth began to shake in sync with one another.
"Donna please! Please open up I need to know if you're still here." She had never heard him like this before, an added vulnerability and devastation to his voice that was unfamiliar coming from him, even to her.
"Please.." he whispered, his arm and forehead resting against the door, afraid he might never see it open again.
Until the latch on the other side erupted into a clutter of noise. He stood back and took in a breath before the door swung open and his eyes met hers. Thank God.
His face still full of hurt, began smiling at the mere sight of her. The relief that she was still there. Until the door widened and he saw a large black suitcase sitting behind her, accompanied by empty red walls and white shelves as far back as he could see.
She wrapped her long silk robe tighter around her waist, covering her matching light pink nightgown, feeling too exposed. Both figuratively and literally. She waited for him to say something, anything.
He wanted to kiss her, to show her, but that wouldn't convince her, especially after the last time he did it. He needed to speak now. Time to use his words.
"You were just gonna leave?" He sounded so disappointed and betrayed it almost broke her.
Until she realised the irony of his insinuation. Donna let out a bitter chuckle then, "Isn't that what you wanted?"
"You know I didn't mean that. I was just mad. I was hurting."
"And I wasn't?" She remained as composed and steady as possible, before interrupting the silence as he stared back at her knowingly, "It's for the best Harvey."
"You owe me two weeks notice at least." He tried his hardest to make it sound light-hearted but if he was being truthful, he kind of meant it, it was his only argument for why she didn't have the right to leave, she certainly had the right on all other grounds.
She rolled her eyes dryly, still holding onto the door with her right hand, "It always comes down to business with you, doesn't it?"
"Screw business! This is personal. You tried to leave without so much as a goodbye, to my face. Screw your damn letter too!" He removed it from his inner coat pocket and held it up as the proof to his accusation.
Seeing how much it had hurt him, she decided to explain herself, swallowing back the lump in her throat, "Harvey. I know I said I'd never leave you and I meant it. I always did. Every time. But there comes a time where I have to actually put myself first instead of just telling myself that I'm going to. And that time is now. I can't get over you if I'm still with you every day. A clean start will be good for me. For us." She was proud of herself for remaining calm, voice still steady.
"For us?" he parroted.
"Yes. Us."
"How so?" he asked, shoving the letter back inside his coat pocket.
"We destroyed over a decade of amazing friendship because we couldn't open our god damn mouths at the right time, Harvey!" she tried not to sound too bitter as her voice rose a couple of octaves, "I can't wait around for someone who can't even tell me how he feels!"
Harvey inhaled, his chest rising as his lungs filled up with the oxygen he would need to last him his next declaration. He stepped towards her, closing the gap to only a foot between them then.
"I look at you Donna, and I see a home in the suburbs, I see a wife, I see the mother of my children ..I even see a god damn dog in the back garden!" he smirked at a latter part before returning to a somber gaze.
"What?" she whispered almost inaudibly, heart thumping so much so that she felt it inside her head, pounding at her eardrum.
"You asked me how I love you? Twice now. That's how I love you, Donna."
He inched a bit closer, "And it terrifies me. Well it used to, until I fixed most of my issues and now I don't see you as someone who could hurt me the way my mother did.. I see you as the only one who wouldn't. I see you as part of me, I always have."
She was at a loss for words, and breath, her chest rising and falling slowly, her mouth agape showing her bottom teeth as her doe-eyes analysed him, word for word, movement by movement.
"I've looked at you, everyday, for the last thirteen years and that is what I see, every time. And for a guy like me, that was petrifying, so I ran from it, every damn time. But not anymore, Donna. I'm not afraid to love you anymore. Right now the only thing that scares me, is the reality of you leaving me." He paused for a breath, "Which you have every right to do because all I've done is push you away."
She felt her own breath catch before she mustered up the strength to speak, "Harvey.. You're only telling me all of this now because it's what you think I want to hear, to make me stay. Or maybe it's what you think you feel in the moment because you're scared to find out what life would be like without me. I'm scared too. But what happens tomorrow morning? Or a week from now? When you wake up realising you made a mistake and misread your feelings." Donna was testing him somewhat, to see how much of a fight he would put up, and if he would run away again, but she was also making very valid points for herself.
"Donna." he said deeply, making sure he had all of her attention, "You have never been wrong about my feelings before. Until right the hell now. Please don't tell me that I don't feel this way when it's practically all I've been feeling since the day I met you. I just didn't know the full extent of it until you kissed me."
She had no instruction manual on what to say back to an emotionally available Harvey Specter. She just stood there speechless once more.
He smiled, seeing he was breaking down some of the walls she had learned to build because of him, "You're the most exciting, vibrant, intelligent, beautiful woman, person, I've ever known. And the thought of not seeing you every god damn day for the rest of my life makes me sick. Physically and mentally sick. I never said it before, I know, but please don't think for a second that that doesn't make it the truth."
He was on a roll, the words forming easily, "If you don't wanna stay at the firm then don't. I think we could still work if you did, but it'd be fine if you didn't too. Just please ..don't leave the City." he pleaded gently, looking to her suitcase, before sending her a sweet smile, "I'd only have to follow you anyway."
Seeing that she was still unsure he kept talking, feeling lighter with each sentence that slipped off his tongue, "And as for me possibly regretting us? I know I never would because I didn't the other time.. I've never regretted anything to do with you Donna. Except pushing you away."
"Harvey.." She crossed her arms under her chest, as if protecting herself.
"Think back to the night you kissed me. What did you feel? When you just followed your heart and went with your gut? Were you relieved? Happy? In love?"
He searched her eyes for any signs of agreement. He noticed how dilated they were. He still had one more thing to get off his chest.
Harvey chanced putting his right hand around her upper neck then, caressing her cheek with his thumb, "I am in love with you, Donna Roberta Paulsen." he stated proudly with a playful smirk contradicting his serious eyes, whilst softly tightening his fingers around the nape of her neck.
She forced her eyes shut at the touch of his hand on her skin. Also to prevent tears after what he had just admitted.
"And I know you wanted me to say it because I wanted to.. and not because I had to. But right now, I'm telling you because I want to and because I have to. However, I promise to tell you from now on purely because I need to."
He had won her next argument before it had even left her lips. That was really the only thing left she had to battle against him with; his timing.
Harvey let out a hefty sigh, one that was about thirteen years old, elated that it was all finally out there. Telling her turned out to be more natural than he ever imagined, "Now maybe don't slam the door in my face this time?" he begged humorously.
She released a sharp breath, tempted to laugh. Her brow quirked and the left side of her mouth cracked into a smile with it, "You didn't say those words last time."
"I tried to show you though."
"I think the whiskey tried to show me Harvey.." she mused, placing her right hand under his rib cage, causing his muscles there to tense upon the contact.
"Has it even registered with you what I just told you yet, Donna?" he grinned, pushing his face even closer to hers, brushing the tip of his nose with her own as he looked down at her, their foreheads meeting next.
"Nope." she admitted, lightly shaking her head.
He brushed the auburn locks off her right shoulder with his left hand, "Can I kiss you now?"
"That depends." She made sure to sound serious.
"On what?" He was somewhat perplexed, thinking he had won her over.
"What type of dog is it?" Donna looked up at him, biting her bottom lip as she frowned, gently mocking him.
He subconsciously mirrored her and bit his bottom lip too before shaking his head as he stared into her earthy brown eyes with a devilish yet loving grin. He rose his left hand to the other side of her neck, leaving it lower than the right, just as he did the last time he kissed her. Angling his head to the left he decided not to answer her question. He silenced her with a kiss instead.
Their lips met for the third time in less than three weeks, yet this time was the first to have no underlying doubts, no walking away afterwards, no alcohol, no slamming doors. Just raw truth and emotion. Where both sides were finally clear on what the other wanted.
She deepened the kiss with a passionate desire to feel him on her after he had finally confessed what she needed to hear. Low groans accompanied the release of sighs that came from them both as things heated up, quickly.
"Third time lucky." he hummed into her mouth as he widened his own, their tongues crossing paths then.
"Fourth time".."if you count"…"the other time." she mumbled back, momentarily breaking their fiery kiss between words.
She opened her eyes after feeling him pull away slightly, even if only to move his right hand to her waist, to tighten his grip on her.
"What do you say we head inside and pick up where the other time left off?" he smirked smugly, his brows were raised forging deep lines in his forehead and his tongue was teasing the roof of his mouth as he eagerly awaited the answer to his brazen suggestion.
Donna pretended to think about it, "Only if it's just me and you this time." she smiled back.
"Oh trust me Donna.. as good an addition as the whipped cream was the last time, I have no intention of sharing you, this time."
"Well you better get inside then, and make missing my flight tomorrow worth while!"
"We could still catch it?" She looked confused then before he continued, "You know, be in the mile-high club together?"
She rolled her eyes at his dirty joke and pulled him inside. He kicked the door closed with his left foot, clinging to her waist with both hands, "No more talking, Harvey." The irony of the demand not falling short on either one of them.
He followed her orders and offered her a deep, passionate kiss instead. Their witty dialogue muted by the intensity of his lips on hers, lightly teasing them with his teeth then, before they trailed down her neck hitting her weak spot just at her collar bone. She bent her head backwards slightly where it met the wall behind her. Opening her mouth on reflex she placed both hands on either side of his head, fingers combing through his short, light brown strands. She pulled him back up to her face then, her eyes steamy and mouth heated before she pulled him in for another burning kiss.
Without breaking apart, he slid his hands up her waist, briefly landing them on her forearms only to slip them under her robe to help push it off. It dropped to the floor leaving her in her light-pink silk nightgown. She was even more irresistible to him then. He gave her a seductive smirk before wriggling out of his coat followed by his suit jacket, not caring where he tossed them. She was relieved he hadn't worn a 3-piece then, one less object in the way. She smoothed both hands up either side of his shirt and began speedily loosening his tie. She couldn't help but think of all the times she had fixed it up for him over the years, never getting to be the one to rip it off. It was oddly satisfying disassembling it. When the knot was loose she used the tie to pull him closer, sliding it out from under his collar once he was kissing her again.
Breaking the kiss only with laughter and smiles, she directed her fingers and thumbs toward his buttons, tempted to rip the shirt open but refraining from doing so. He groaned into her lightly bruising lips as her nails skimmed their way down his exposing chest, button by button. In return he began kissing her jaw line, then her neck, lowering his hand to the back of her smooth thigh, running it up inside the silk until his hand was holding the lower part of her ass, causing her to chuckle, before he squeezed harder, releasing a moan from her. She eventually got the last button open and ran her arms up his bare torso and over his firm chest before stopping them on his broad shoulders. Just feeling his skin was almost enough to send her over the edge. Sliding her hands down his arms then she helped rip him from his crisp white shirt, throwing it down the hallway soon after.
They followed it moments later, dragging each other toward the bedroom, still unable to refrain from kissing one another the entire way. He had not forgotten what direction her room was in and enthusiastically picked her up to walk them there. Both his hands under her thighs, both of her legs and arms wrapped around him.
"Careful you don't put your back out." she muttered into his lips.
"Oh I don't think it'll be this that puts my back out tonight." he smirked back against the corner of her mouth, giving in to her age joke this one time, until the next time.
He pushed open her door which was thankfully left ajar, to an almost empty room. He couldn't help but look around, it saddened him.
"Hey." she said, demanding his attention back to her before smirking, "It's okay, the bed is still made.."
Harvey licked his lips before biting his bottom one. His eyes were steaming with lust again as he walked them over to her bed. Her hands caressing his face the entire way.
He gently propped her down on top of the blankets, following on top of her immediately. They embraced in more passionate kissing and foreplay before he pushed himself back up, only to undress fully, as he kicked off his shoes and socks. She rose back up with him then, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at him as she stepped in to unbutton his trousers. He was never more turned on in his life before right then. She made her way to the zipper next before slowly pulling his pants down so he could step out of them. Hooking her dreamy eyes onto his yet again, she stood up and raised her arms in the air with a teasing smile. He gripped the hem of her thin dress and pulled it all the way over her head and arms, freeing her entirely. He furrowed his brows, staring at her with surprise.
"What? I don't wear underwear to bed." she defended.
"Hey, I'm not complaining." he wrapped his arms around her entirely naked body and pulled her towards him, their raw flesh colliding, sending sensations in the thousands throughout their nerves.
"You're not done yet, mister." she complained, nodding downwards, indicating his briefs.
He wore a faux frown in response, "Jeesh, someone's eager.. Way to make a guy feel cheap."
She let out a chuckle, shaking her head and raising her brow.
He took a moment to take her in then, "I just realised that I can tell you how beautiful you are now." His warm words rolled off his tongue affectionately like sweet, hot honey.
Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to recover with a casualness, but he could feel her heartbeat quickening against his chest, "You could have told me that before."
"I know.." he admitted, "I think I did though.." he defended then, "just with my eyes."
Donna realised then why she never truly cared for compliments off of other men. Her self esteem was always mountain-high, she didn't need them to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and tell her how smart or pretty she was, she already knew all that. But with him, it was entirely different. She still didn't need him to say those things, but now that he was, she felt like she could sit there and listen to it all day, blushing like a lovesick teenager.
"You're beautiful too." she teased, yet hugging him tighter to show she actually meant it.
He let out an elated sigh, eyes flickering to her shoulder as he brushed the hair back behind it. He lowered his lips to her collar bone, making kisses all the way up to her mouth. Trailing his right hand up her spine then under her arm so he could bring it forward to grasp her neck as he did so.
Neither of them could wait any longer then as they quickly became an entanglement of looks, limbs and lips. Both finding their way back onto the bed together after her fingers had found their way to the elastic waist of his boxers, stripping it from his body at long last.
He lay on top of her again, more of a seriousness to it this time as they held eye contact. It was suddenly so real, but they were both ready. He began sending heavy, wet kisses down her neck, breasts and torso until he reached the final spot. He wrapped his left arm under her right thigh for stability, leaving his right hand free to caress her other leg. She rose her chin on reflex and pushed her head back into the pillow, her fingers and toes digging into the mattress through all the linen. After a few more minutes of driving her crazy, he looked up with a smirk, crawling his way back towards her, kissing her freckles as he traveled up her body.
Unable to ignore his burgeoning erection any longer, he planted a deep kiss on her lips which she returned lovingly before they both gave each other a knowing gaze.
Her hands clasped around his neck as he entered her, thrusting slowly at first, between their steamy kisses and her polished nails scratching his firm, sallow skin. Steadily quickening the pace as fond, youthful memories of a time once shared returned. Their naked bodies all too naturally reacquainting themselves with one another over the course of the next few hours.
…
Harvey woke in the middle of the night. A hazy blue light outside the window indicating that it was about 5 in the morning, they had only fallen asleep at 2 a.m, with their bodies aching in all the right places.
He turned his head to the right, his outstretched arm covered in flames of fiery strands, which were noticeably more tangled than when they first entered the room earlier that night. She lay neatly between his arm and chest, her cheek and nose resting on his skin, her right arm draped across his abdomen as she slept. He pulled his forearm back towards them to wrap it around her back, pulling her closer to him. She didn't awaken, he was slightly disappointed at that but he let her sleep anyway.
There was a strange familiarity about it all that he couldn't quite place yet. It wasn't the other time, as he hadn't stayed over then, as much as he had wanted to. No, this felt like deja vu somehow.
As her feet stirred under the cool sheets and her warm legs wrapped around his he remembered. It was the exact same as all the times before.
Only this time it wasn't a dream.
.
.
.
So he finally manned the hell up! Can't believe I'm actually finished this story now, I've grown quite attached to it :')
Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews and the follows, favourites etc!
For the 'Guests' I couldn't personally reply to; I see yous, thank you!
Gonna enjoy reading everyone else's stories for a bit now..
But definitely gonna write an epilogue for this when I can so stay tuned!
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