~Chapter Thirteen~

No Place Like Home

Remember those walls I built?
Well, baby – they're tumbling down,
And they didn't even put up a fight.
They didn't even make a sound…

It's like I've been awakened.
Every rule I had you breakin';
It's the risk that I'm taking.
I ain't never gonna shut you out!

~Halo, by Beyonce

Disclaimer: Me No Own; You No Sue.

"I can't wait! We will all have so much fun together!" Tamaki cheered as he danced around the room. "Fun, fun, fun!"

I sweatdropped as I surveyed the chaos that I'd unwittingly created.

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but what in the world repels Hosts?

Sammy's P.O.V.

"Stupid rich bastards."

"My sentiments exactly," I snorted, placing a hand on forehead in exasperation – like a damsel in distress. With a Transylvanian accent, I said, "Honestly, you have hit the nail right in the coffin, my dear."

Haruhi wrinkled her nose in distaste. "That's such a morbid thought, Sammy-chan."

"Pirate," I chirped, as if this would explain it all. …it so should, man!

Of course, if someone had done her homework and watched Pirates of the Caribbean like I'd told her to, then it might have hit home. But no… Haruhi was too busy studying for her AP Chemistry exam to sit in front of the television set; too preoccupied to drool over Johnny Depp with me. I wouldn't have even teased her had she chosen to idolize the effeminate Orlando Bloom instead. And everyone knew that Depp trumped Bloom – kinda like Vaporeon and Cranidos. One hit KO, man!

Haruhi, however, preferred completing three grueling hours of stoichiometry homework to watching awesome swordfights and explosions. Seriously, what is wrong with kids nowadays? Being all studious and shit!

"…what?" Haruhi muttered, before mouthing the word pirate under her breath with confusion.

Clueless! She was so clueless! Her brow was furrowed in thought as she stared at me, blinking in a rather owlish manner. Total bookworm, this one; never gonna get herself a boyfriend…or a girlfriend. I don't discriminate. Nope – I hate everyone equally!

Yer one to talk! My inner voice ranted at me. It's not like you gotta man, sugar.

Shut the fuck up, Captain Obvious! The other one snapped at it, stomping its feet in aggravation at this statement.

I groaned to myself. Both of you need to be quiet! I am trying to play matchmaker here, dammit…

The Southern Belle voice instantly muttered, Worry 'bout yerself first, sweetie.

With a sigh of epic proportions (tornado coming your way, Toto!), I blew my bangs out of my blue eyes and turned to face my younger friend. I smiled at her, winking suggestively as I gestured to Tamaki. The blonde in question was currently chasing after a Frisbee with a butterfly net, occasionally shouting expletives in French when he missed or – Heaven forbid – actually caught a butterfly with his butterfly net.

Tamaki was such an idiot at times. Okay, okay – he was an idiot all of the time! But it was endearing.

The moment that she caught on – which took awhile – Haruhi blushed and averted her gaze, mumbling incoherently under her breath. I cupped a hand to my ear and leaned over. Faintly, I caught what sounded like – "I do not stand a chance anyway. I'm just a commoner."

Couldn't quite help myself: I laughed. "Haruhi-chan, you are such a silly girl. Tamaki-san absolutely adores you! The fact that you're a commoner has no bearings on what he does or does not feel for you, okay?" I gently reminded her.

"Then what is your excuse?" Haruhi bluntly demanded, as usual, with her right eyebrow raised in question. She always managed to see straight through my carefully constructed walls, as if they were only made of glass; not steel. "You aren't even a commoner!"

I flinched at that subtle reminder. "Not anymore," I mumbled, thinking back to a cold winter day that had occurred almost eight years ago – the day of my adoption. That was the day that I became a rich girl.

"Oh…" Haruhi said softly. She frowned, but her expression was sympathetic as she placed a warm hand on mine. "So that's the issue at hand, is it?"

Slowly, I nodded in agreement. "Takashi-kun cannot possibly like me if he wishes to remain the 'honorable' first son of his family. And I refuse to make him choose between his family and me. It isn't right…"

Nothing was said as we calmly watched Tamaki tumble into a bush full of poisonous spiders and other creepy crawlies. He had still been chasing after the plastic Frisbee that Haruhi had got at the supermarket yesterday – it was a bonus – and he hadn't seen the humongous rock sitting directly in his path. Sherlock, he was not.

My dear friend Steve was tapping away at his iPad when he noticed his friend's demise. He sighed and leisurely went about removing Tamaki's corpse, er…wounded body from the maze of thorns. Shrieks of displeasure filled the air and I couldn't refrain from smirking sadistically; even more so when Mitsukuni bounced forward to offer the Frenchman a piece of vanilla cake, which Tamaki hated with a passion. However, the smug smile did vanish when I caught sight of Takashi. He placed a large hand on his cousin's shoulder, shaking his head and urging Mitsukuni away from the chaos.

Upon sighting the hilarious scene, the Twins had immediately chosen to film the entire thing with their brand new video cameras, cackling as they added their own comments to the documentary. Amidst their narration, Kaoru muttered something to his brother; the latter happily shouted that they would be sending their video footage to America's Funniest Home Videos.

My chest swelled with pride. I taught them that.

"What if…he didn't have to choose?" Haruhi asked slowly, as if musing over something. "What if there was a way for him to date you without harming his family's reputation?"

With a shrug, I turned to face my friend. "I'm honestly not sure if that's possible or not, Haruhi-chan. But, thanks for trying! Would you care to play again?" I cheekily added, trying to chase away the bitter taste in my mouth with a spoonful of sarcasm.

She rolled her tawny eyes, snapping, "You are so damn immature sometimes!"

"Sorry," I apologized, shrugging once again; not really bothered at her opinion because it was the truth, after all. Child at heart, I am. Backwards speak, I like.

"Heads up, Sammy-chan…!"

The warning was a tad bit late and, by late – I mean after the fact. As of this minute, I was currently lying flat on the ground with my limbs splayed in every direction. Sacrificing me to your finicky Gods, eh? Damn polytheistic Japanese… I groaned and placed a hand to my head, trying to rub away the circles that were swirling in my eyes.

Mein Gott… What the fuck is this – an anime?

A giant shadow crept into view, blocking the sunlight, and effectively covering my fallen form like a blanket. I blinked stupidly at the black mass, before glancing up and into the worried eyes of my crush. Takashi squatted down in front of me, observing the bump on my forehead with a trained eye. Slowly – as if approaching a wounded animal – he touched his fingers to the raised skin. To my surprise, they were calloused and not at all how I expected a rich boy's hands to feel. Hikaru and Kaoru had very soft skin; however, they moisturized almost daily. Didn't quite expect Takashi to be a fan of Nivea Cream.

I winced at the sudden pressure that his fingers exerted and the older boy immediately removed his hand from my face. It annoyed me to no end that I missed his gentle touch, so I quickly made a move to get to my feet. Takashi frowned in concern as he watched me stand; slowly, I might add. I wasn't trying to win a marathon because we all know where that gets you – Greek class on exam day! Just ask Tamaki.

"'m fine," I mumbled, ducking my head in an attempt to hide my blush. Epic fail! "It's just a little scrape…"

"If you're certain," Takashi grunted, seemingly in disapproval. The young man wrapped a strong arm around my waist and gently hugged me.

I flinched, wriggling away from his touch as I said, "Of course! I am as healthy as a horse!" For some strange reason, Takashi didn't quite believe me, so I improvised – "Um…neigh?"

And then I had an armful of kickass ninja.

"Waa~! I am so sorry, Sammy-chan!" Mitsukuni wailed, wrapping his arms around my neck like a spider monkey. "I didn't see you sitting there!"

But I've been here for the past hour… I thought in confusion, and then – Oh! How clever!

"If you want to escape, now is your chance," Mitsukuni whispered in my ear as he gracefully dropped to the grass.

Brown eyes were serious as they flickered between his cousin and me. How Mitsukuni knew that I was trying to avoid the silent giant remained a mystery, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Some of them have quite the vicious bite, you know! And don't even get me started on camels…

"There's a vending machine near the restrooms…" he added in an undertone, to which I nodded gratefully.

As I edged away from Takashi, knowing that my evasive tactics were slowly beginning to grate on his nerves, I muttered a quick "Gotta go pee!" before scampering away to the restroom located in the middle of the park. However, I had no intention of visiting the circus of bacteria that was entertaining in the public bathroom, so I meandered over to the previously mentioned vending machine instead.

Thank you, Mitsukuni. You are God's gift to hormonal teenage girls everywhere.

Now, I will admit that what occurred next would never have happened had I been a more observant individual, like Takashi or Kyoya. But I was oblivious; a ditzy blonde in every sense. I was too busy replaying the recent memory of being engulfed in one of Takashi's hugs – so warm – to consciously think about my actions. Therefore, I did not even spare a glance at the merchandise that was displayed behind the glass case. To put it simply: it was a collection of porn.

Yes, this jihanki distributed porn magazines and not cold soda like I was led to believe. So, after I had inserted the correct amount of change and pressed a button or two, I bent down to retrieve my purchase from the small slot at the bottom of the machine. And, I found –

…is that a Hustler magazine? I sweatdropped. Oh, wow. I didn't even know that they exported to Japan.

On the front cover of the magazine was what would normally expect: a beautiful young woman. She was posing – yes, nude – in front of the camera. The crazy lady was lying on a bed of what appeared to be red, pink, and white roses. I prayed, for her sake, that the thorns had already been removed. Otherwise, that would hurt…a lot.

"Hey, Sammy-chan! What the hell is taking you so long?"

I immediately panicked. My head snapped from side to side, cracking under the strain of searching the nearby vicinity for my perverted younger brothers. If they found me – and with this magazine – my life would officially be over; ruined. Neither of them would ever let me live it down.

"Hurry up! The wind has picked up, so we're going to try flying our kites!"

In my haste to hide the incriminating evidence under my shirt, I dropped the magazine and it blew away with a sudden gust of wind. Wow, those two weren't kidding when they said that it was picking up… I chased after the small booklet, skirting around recycling bins and jumping over empty, wooden benches. C'mon. I'm almost there; so close! Just as my fingers were about to catch a hold of the cover…I tripped. Slipped, stumbled, fell down. Missed my fucking target!

Thus, the Twins caught it instead.

"Hey, Kaoru – you have got to see this!" Hikaru howled, gasping for air as he choked on a mouthful of his own spit. Yummy.

"Wait a minute. Is that a…?" Kaoru snatched the magazine out of his older brother's hands in a heartbeat. Topaz eyes widened as he gleefully cackled, "It is! It's a porn magazine!"

"Oh, Kami. This is absolutely priceless!" Snickers accompanied this declaration. "Just wait until we show everyone else what we caught you with, Sammy-chan!"

"You better not even fucking think about it!" I shrieked, absolutely horrified at such a notion.

Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged mischievous glances, before drawling, "And what will you do if we decide to tell the others?"

Neither of them waited for an answer; instead, the two boys bolted back to the checkered quilt that Tamaki had insisted we bring for our picnic. Apparently, all of the best commoners were doing that nowadays. Using quilts, I mean – not running away with someone else's porn. Not that it's mine! Well, I did pay for it, but… You know what – let's just forget this ever happened, shall we?

With that decided, I shot to my feet like a rocket, minus the countdown. I even gave chase; despite the fact that I knew I would not catch the Twins. There was no way in hell that such a thing was possible because my brothers were (please insert: much, much, much) taller. Like Gimli, I was wasted on cross-country. We short people were 'natural sprinters – very dangerous over short distances.'

…and it has suddenly occurred to me that I just compared myself to a Dwarf. Perhaps this is the reason that I am not overly fond of Orlando Bloom? He was casted as the character of Legolas, after all.

"Tono! We have…"

"…something to show you~!"

I blanched. Not Tamaki! Don't let him see it! Actually, scratch that – just don't show Takashi!

Tamaki cocked his head to the side and cautiously took the magazine from Kaoru's outstretched hands. Clearly, the boy had been pranked before and was now taking appropriate defensive measures. I wish that routine included not taking porn from strange, homosexual Twins.

All was silent until Tamaki fainted and fell to the damp grass with a soft thud!

Everyone stared at the fallen King like one would a mythical creature: with amazement. While the other Hosts poked at their unconscious friend with pointy sticks, Kyoya stepped forward and retrieved the forgotten magazine. Steely gray eyes scanned the foreign words on the cover with interest, but as soon as he opened it to the first page – his glasses fogged up. He really should have learned to cast that impervius spell from Harry Potter. You know, the one used to repel water? At the very least, he should have invested in a pair of windshield wipers…

Kyoya cleared his throat – twice – and quietly inquired, "What is this?"

"Um…" I bit my lip, before timidly whispering, "A magazine distributed by the pornographic industry?"

"And why do you have such a vile thing in your possession?" the Shadow King demanded, ignoring the gasps of shock from the other Hosts. Yeah, blame the white girl; damn Asians.

I bristled at his condescending words. "It was an accident!" Pointing an accusatory finger at my classmate, I said, "Mitsukuni-kun told me there was a vending machine by the bathrooms and – silly me – I believed that he meant a soda machine!"

And I swear to every deity in existence that Mitsukuni just smirked at me. Manipulative little shit…

Kyoya sighed and pushed his glasses further up his nose, asking, "Did it not occur to you to look at the merchandise that you were purchasing?" Apparently, Steve knows all; bad Blue for fetching the wrong newspaper.

"Well, no…" I admitted sheepishly. Had I been in the States, I might have considered it.

Haruhi – the commoner with very little extra spending money – groaned and bit out a "Damn rich bastard!"

I grinned at the younger girl, leaning closer as I stage-whispered, "Love you, too. And tell me this: how was I supposed to know that the Japanese population was so horny, eh? There's nothing like that vending machine in the US, and we like talking about sex."

Haruhi burst into a fit of giggles. Her brown eyes lit with mirth and she collapsed on the picnic blanket, beating the checkered cloth with her tiny fists as she cackled hysterically. Knowing that she understood my reference – they were Hosts, after all – my grin widened. These boys were constantly surrounded by beautiful young women, so 'horny' might be considered an understatement. Nymphomaniacs might be more appropriate.

"Miss Steel –" Kyoya began. He was interrupted by his friend, as Tamaki was currently flying through the air in a rather conspicuous manner. Think: flying squirrel. "…never mind."

Tamaki clutched at my neck – can't breathe! Tears spilled down his cheeks and he doggedly insisted, "We are gentlemen; men of honor. None of us would ever resort to such a frivolous form of entertainment for our young ladies!" He sniffled pathetically and I felt the urge to hand him a handkerchief. "Big Sister, do you really think so little of us?"

"Yep~!" I chirped. Bouncing on the balls of my feet in anticipation. Wait for it…

An arrow struck him in the side and he gasped in horror. "…but, but!" Just like a fish out of water.

"After all, you are French," I pointed out, laughing when he protested the truth of this thinly veiled insult.

The Twins giggled manically, dancing around the crying Frenchman in a strangely accurate reenactment of a Native American rain dance. I glanced at the clouds floating in the distance, wondering if it might actually start raining. Praying that it would so that this entire fiasco would be over; however, I remembered Haruhi's fear of thunderstorms and began to rethink that wish. Maybe an earthquake would be better at this point… Swallow me up and all.

"Are we going to fly our kites now?" Mitsukuni whined, tugging on his younger cousin's sleeve as he added, "It'll be too dark to do so in a little while…"

Takashi patted him on the head, ruffling his blonde hair, and murmured, "Yeah. I'll go with you."

To my surprise, Haruhi protested. "Don't worry about it, Mori-senpai! I can go with him."

Without waiting for a response, she retrieved two of the ten kites – yes, ten; we expected that one or two would die a horrible death via Host – and set off in the opposite direction. The other boys followed suit, with the exception of Takashi.

Damn it all to hell in a bread basket! …er, laundry basket. Hand basket? Whatever!

Inwardly, I was cursing up a storm and scheming. I was going to strangle my dear, wonderful, and thoughtful best friend. She had put me in this predicament, in spite of the fact that we had both spoken of my fear of such a thing just minutes ago. Normally, I would consider it a lapse of judgment, or even short term memory loss. With Haruhi, however, I knew that the evil little girl was just trying to force me into facing my fears.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

Well, that was short, sweet, and straight to the point.

I bit my lip and fiddled with my plaid skirt, wishing that I had worn jeans, the latter of which did not make a display of my curvy thighs – fat thighs. My purple tank top was also too tight and created more cleavage than was necessary, thanks to my darling brother, Kaoru. Overall, I felt really uncomfortable as I fidgeted under the steely gaze of my classmate, friend, and…

"Boyfriend!" I blurted, the word vomit practically spewing from my mouth. Could almost see the invisible chunks of last night's chicken salad sandwich.

Takashi stared at me, lips twitching with amusement as he parroted, "…boyfriend?"

"I…" Deep breath. "I r-really like you, Takashi-kun." Pause. "But I know that it wouldn't be a very, um, wise decision for the two of us to date, so I've been trying to place a bit of distance between us." Exhale.

His surprisingly tender smile was disarming, to say the least. Warm hands cupped my chin and tilted my face upwards. I found myself staring at his lips, wondering if he'd kiss me – like I had kissed him only two weeks ago. Has it really only been two weeks?

"I understand," Takashi quietly stated. He does? "But I wish that you would have come and spoken with me sooner."

"Would it really have mattered?" I muttered, lowering my gaze at his exasperated expression.

The older boy was quiet for a moment, considering my words, before he said, "Yes. I would have known that you had a reason – and not the negative one that I had expected – for rejecting my advances."

My face flushed as I repeated his words in my head. Advances…? Does that mean that he likes me back?

Takashi placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. Shyly, I returned the embrace, wrapping my arms around his waist – the only part of him that I could really reach at the moment. I buried my face in the front of green shirt, which was peeking out from between the flaps of his brown, leather jacket. Smiling, I inhaled the spicy smell of his cologne. We rocked back and forth, slowly; over and over. Just holding each other.

For the first time in a very long while, I was at peace with myself. I knew that it was true because when I was being held in Takashi's arms – I was home. And everyone knows that there's no place quite like home. Right, Dorothy?

***Author's Note***

Sammy: Well, the author has finally gotten over a nasty bit of writer's block.

Me: Maybe... ^_^;

The Twins: It's about damn time, lady!

Me: +_+ Do you want me to tell Sammy where you hid your porn?

Hikaru: *Gulp* Um...

Kaoru: *Nervous Twitch* Yeah, about that...

Sammy: Where is it, where is it? TELL ME!

Me: maojdf hasodl adfjaoh

Sammy: O_o ...what?

The Twins: Thank Kami for Duct Tape! :D

P.S. I finally drew that picture I was talking about for Picking Up the Pieces. I uploaded it on DeviantART, under the username Shadowsammy.

If this link doesn't work - .com/gallery/12291817#/d4dj9gh - you can also try the link that is posted on my profile.

! pLeAsE rEvIeW !