A couple of things here:
First, the last chapter of Arc 3 will go up on Sunday. After that, there will be regular updates of what I've always considered to be "Arc 3.5." Rather than a full-length novel, this will be a series of oneshots that will span the next two-ish years. The oneshots will fill out some characters, a few developments, and lay the groundwork for the big Arc 4 climax to come. I'm ridiculously proud of them. At least one or two are some of the finest (and maybe funniest) writing I've done in this 'verse. So definitely stick around!
Second, this chapter is going to explain a few things a few of you made note of – I hope it meets with your approval even if you didn't see it coming! Arc 3 isn't done yet, but we did need to wrap up a few loose ends before we could have the happy ending. Well, "happy ending" being relative when we all know the battle isn't really over, even if it's going to be calm for a while.
Enjoy!
It was late morning in Cascade when the Dragonfly was met at the small, private airfield by a charter bus recently purchased for SELF through Race's many connections. Agent Fritz himself arranged to be on site to hand documents to each of the newly-arrived Sentinels offering them temporary visas and the forms to fill out if they wished to consider a more long-term home in the country. For all but a few of the Sentinels, the whole situation was still too unbelievable; they accepted the offer and the documents and followed numbly where they were led, whereas those who were not shell-shocked were no less grateful for a safe place to recover.
"I have a theory about this," Blair said to Jim and the Quests as they watched the others board. "When everything was going on and that place was falling apart, nobody zoned, did they? Or had any kind of sensory chaos except the ones who were already trapped in their senses to start with?"
"No," Jim shook his head, brow furrowing. "I guess I didn't even notice."
"I think it's partly that any Sentinels who had training, which is most of them from what you've said," Blair nodded at the crowd, "learn to control their senses almost perfectly in emergency situations. Think about it. No government wants a bunch of Sentinels who freeze in a fight or something. So they'd learn to have excellent control when the situation went sideways. It would be the mundane living where they'd struggle."
"That fits what Ivanna has told us as well," Hadji agreed.
"What about the ones like Hasna and Emeline and the others who were never in a program, though?" Jonny wanted to know.
"Instinct," Jim said softly. "Sentinels are meant to protect the tribe, to fight, to cope with a disaster better than most people. Our brains are wired for a solid response to danger."
Blair grinned at him. "So you have been listening to me after all!"
"Hard to miss, Darwin." He smiled and scruffed his partner's head.
"Still seems kind of suspect to me," Race put in. "Although I can't fault the timing."
"It may not only be the biology and training and instincts of the Sentinels themselves," Hadji said with a faraway look. "There was more occurring than any of us truly knew. Who is to say what other influence our elder Guide may have employed?"
Before anyone could respond, one of the Sentinels from the fifth floor cried out in pain when another plane revved up the neighboring runway and screamed into the sky. Blair and Hadji both abandoned the others and sprinted over to the woman, one each taking her hands before she clawed at her ears and gently bringing them down, leading her onto the bus.
Jim frowned. "Jonny, you noticing it?"
"Huh?"
"You mean Blair and Hadji?" Benton asked. At Jim's nod, he nodded also. "Something has changed in them."
"What do you mean?" Jonny asked, turning his senses up and focusing them on his Guide. But he could detect nothing out of the ordinary from the heart-beat or breathing and other rhythms of his brother's body.
"Can't really pin it down," Jim said.
"Well, they sure weren't shirking on the Guiding," Race offered with a shrug.
"No, nothing like that," Benton shook his head. "But...they both move as though they are a bit in a dream. And they've barely looked at one another since they woke up."
"We'll find out what happened with them when we get to the lodge," Jim promised.
Jonny just nodded, following as the others began to move towards the bus as the last Sentinels climbed aboard. Agent Fritz was already on his way back to his local headquarters to do whatever federal bureaucratic work had come out of the sudden influx of foreign nationals, so it was just them on the bus. Race took the driver's seat, Benton right behind him. Jim and Jonny both looked to sit with their Guides, but Hadji and Blair had installed themselves in the back surrounded by Sentinels who leaned to them for quiet comfort. Jim and Jonny were left with the front seats, exchanging a determined glance. Their Guides were certainly devious enough to be deliberately avoiding them, but that would not be permitted to last.
The resolution was promptly driven from their minds when they pulled up in front of the lodge.
"Uh...Simon?" Jim asked, climbing off the bus and stopping at the array of people waiting out front. "What's going on?"
"Eric?" Jonny almost stumbled off the last step, saved only by Race's quick grab. He had barely righted himself when a yipping blur zoomed through the obstacles of legs in his way and dashed to Jonny. "Bandit! Hi! Long time so see, buddy!" Jonny ducked to pull his dog into his arms, giving him a chance to gather his thoughts at his surprise.
"You guys have so much explaining to do!" Jessie crossed her arms and glared at her father, who quickly made himself busy helping others down from the bus.
"So do you," Jim shot back. He narrowed his eyes. "Not that I'm not glad for the welcoming committee, but I didn't know we'd invited all of Major Crimes."
Joel sucked in a breath. "Jim..."
Henri Brown stalked forward until he was right in Jim's face, finger poking the taller man in the chest. "Yeah, I bet you weren't expecting to see us. Well, guess what, buddy? Now we're part of your super secret little Sentinels-only club!"
"Henri, stop it," Brian moved to his partner's shoulder. He was paler than usual, and he had thick circles under his eyes.
For that matter, Jim had seen Simon, Joel, and Jessie look better. "What the hell went on here?"
"Clearly too much to hash out right now," Benton interjected, trying to serve as peacemaker. "Why don't we all go inside? I'm not a Sentinel and even I can smell the coffee. I think we could all use a cup."
"There is certainly much to discuss," Ivan stepped forward. "Go. Take your friends and make your peace. We have many new brothers and sisters to join us, I see."
Dmitri appeared with twenty or so of the other Sentinels, all looking a little worse for the wear but also all clearly happy. As the new Sentinels emerged from the bus, more than one brightened at the waiting faces and rushed forward to greet old friends. Only those Sentinels from the fifth floor – those taken from institutions rather than retirees – seemed awkward and without welcome. To these, Ivanna opened her arms.
"Come, my friends. We will get you food and help you find places to rest."
Blair and Hadji were assisting in getting Hasna out of the bus, Emeline trailing behind with Yasmin curled to her shoulder. Hadji looked up at the crowd. "Doctor Quest, it seems you and the Council will be very busy. I shall see to Hasna's medical attention," he offered.
"Yeah," Blair nodded. He looked to Emeline and held out his arms for the baby. "You go with the others. There's lots to talk about. Hadji and I can bring Hasna up to speed and get these two comfortable."
Almost before anyone had realized, the pair of Guides had escorted Hasna and her baby through the crowd and inside the lodge.
Simon blinked. "Did I just see Sandburg voluntarily turn down – not just the chance to tell us all what the hell is going on – but also helping Jim get out of a sticky situation?"
Jim growled low in his chest. He started to stride after Blair only to feel a grip on his arm. He turned to Brown. "We got a problem?"
"Yeah, we do. Get your butt inside and I'll tell you about it," Henri said. His face, which was most often alight with a smile had gone serious and angry.
Jim almost pulled away but Simon shook his head at him. "There's time to yell at Blair later. The guys have been waiting all night for this."
Jim hesitated for a moment before he finally nodded. The crowd started to disperse, the new Sentinels following either their friends or Ivanna who headed straight towards the cafeteria. But Simon guided his people – the remaining Quests, Jim, the rest of Major Crimes, and Eric and Daryl and Lai – into one of the conference rooms. He'd already had the argument about whether or not the students would be part of the conversation and lost when Jessie rightly pointed out that whatever was said would get back to them anyway if they were going to be a part of SELF since she had no intention of keeping them out of the thick of it anymore. So they chose a conference room big enough to seat everyone. One already stocked with breakfast and a full pot of coffee.
"You planned this," Race accused with a small smile.
"Obviously," Jessie returned, tossing her hair. "We'll never get through this without some food. And caffeine."
"All right," Simon said, swiping a mug of coffee and taking a seat. "Let's start at the beginning. Why don't you guys tell us where you went and why you lied to us? Then we can get into Sandburg's little disappearing act and then fill you in on what you missed."
Jonny studiously avoided the gaze of his roommate and friends, grabbing a plate of food for himself and sliding into a place between Jim and his father while Bandit pressed against his leg. It seemed easier than looking at the faces of people he'd deceived. But Jessie wasn't buying it and her full glare was regularly moving between him and her own father. Daryl, beside her, was hard-pressed not to smile at her ever-present irritation, even as he was glad it wasn't turned in his direction.
Everyone sat quietly while Benton carefully outlined the mission the group had undertaken, laying it out factually without much elaboration of the more sensitive points. Jim added information about the Providence Partners Interglobal operation from the inside and their eventual escape, though he made little mention of the spirit guardian or the other not-readily-explicable aspects of the situation. That done, Joel explained Blair and Hadji's deception and disappearance, which Race neatly summed up with, "So, basically, their danger senses went off and they hitchhiked to Russia to save their Sentinels. And we're surprised? Really?"
Nobody was.
At that point, Benton indicated Simon should begin his own explanation. Race looked sharply at the scientist. No one had offered anything like the information that Doctor Zin had apparently been connected to the facility as stated by Hadji and confirmed by Jim and Jonny. Nor had Benton said one word about the bare-bones facts about what Blair and Hadji had experienced while in Murmansk. Admittedly, even Race and Benton had been given very little, what with the emergency going on with Jim and Jonny at the time, but they understood that the pair had done quite a bit more than just show up in Murmansk and connect with Race and Benton, which was all Benton had implied.
Benton looked to his friend and bodyguard and shrugged, knowing Race would understand. It's their story. It's up to them who they tell and what they share. And as for Zin, I'd rather nobody start worrying about that any time soon.
Simon and Jessie alternated their story of the mudslide in the mountains outside Cascade and the intervention of the Sentinels that had saved a dozen lives. Daryl spoke up in a few quick words to explain how he, Eric, and Lai had accidentally stumbled into the whole thing and basically demanded to help. But when Joel and Simon talked about Rafe and Brown being with them at the scene and later hearing the whole story, the pair of detectives stared straight ahead with stony expressions. Only when everyone was caught up did they turn to look at Jim.
"So what's your beef with me?" he asked directly.
"You didn't tell us. For years you didn't tell us," Henri said coldly.
"It's my life," Jim replied. "I'm not obligated to share all the little details with you."
"When it makes a difference to us, you are!" Henri slammed a hand on the table. "What if you'd – what do you call it – zoned when Sandburg or Simon wasn't there? You could have gotten one of us killed."
"Well, I didn't."
"Why you!" Henri started to get out of his chair, stopped only by Joel's hand on his shoulder.
"Stop it." Joel frowned. "Just say what you want said and let that be the end of it."
Henri didn't sit back down, but he turned to his partner.
Brian took a breath. "Simon told us that SELF got founded to find Sentinels and help them learn to cope in the world. Well, I've found one. My baby sister Angie. And she could use the help. God knows that stupid hospital hasn't done anything but drug her up and make her miserable."
Jim took a slow breath, understanding. "And because I didn't tell you, she's been there all this time."
"Yeah."
"Rafe... Look, Brian. I'm sorry. But, up until last May, I thought I was maybe the only one in the world. Sandburg couldn't find them. Then all this happened," he gestured to Benton and Race and Jonny, "and everything changed."
"We have always intended to begin searching domestically for mis-identified Sentinels in institutions," Benton added softly, "but we just...the timing..."
"I know. Simon told us," Brian shrugged, crossing his arms and looking at no one. "But...if you knew..." He coughed, though the two Sentinels in the room heard the sob underneath it.
"Bro..." Henri said, dropping back to his chair and grabbing his partner's shoulder.
"Angie...tried to kill herself last year," Brian whispered as his eyes became wet. "She couldn't take it anymore."
The sudden silence in the room was profound.
"We found her," Henri said after a long moment fighting to control his voice. "It was almost too late." He looked up and glared across the table at Jim, Benton, and Simon. "So saying you're sorry isn't really a good answer right now. If you'd trusted us, she never would have..." He had to look away.
"Then we won't say we're sorry," came a new voice. Blair had entered the room, Hadji at his side. While Hadji stayed near the door, Blair moved around the table to stand behind Brian and Henri who turned to face him.
"Sandburg, we know you didn't want to keep us in the dark," Brian said softly even as he began to master his own emotions once more.
Blair shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Like you said. 'Sorry' doesn't cut it. But all I can give you is this – it won't happen again. You're here now. You'll always be here. And we'll bring Angie here and get her the right kind of help. We won't...we can't save everyone," he flinched. "But we won't shut you out again. And we'll do whatever we can to save her."
"And all those like her," Hadji added sincerely. "As many as we can find."
"Henri. Brian." Jim cleared his throat. "I am sorry. If it helps. And they're right about all the rest."
"It doesn't hurt. Not like we ever hear an apology from Stoneface Ellison, anyway," Henri said with a small smile more like his usual grin. "And we're going to hold you to that promise."
"Well then, guys," Blair smiled at Brian and Rafe. He clasped them each on the shoulder. "Welcome to the family."
-==OOO==-
Jonny followed everybody upstairs with a determined air, Bandit trotting at his heels. He noted a similar gleam in Jim's eye and nodded in acknowledgment. Their Guides had done a superbly good job of avoiding their Sentinels all day long, always busy with the new Sentinels or the new initiates to SELF or whatever else – but that was ending now.
Bandit bounded into the room and made for his doggie bed, which he happily forced into shape by walking in circles on it three times before lying down with a satisfied sigh. Jonny shut the door behind him to their shared room. On the keypad next to it, he hit the button to activate the noise-canceling stuff built into all the private rooms. If he was going to yell at his Guide, he was going to spare the rest of the building from having to listen to it.
"Hadji," he said.
Hadji had seated himself on a low seat before the window. He was facing the other cushion and gestured to it. "Come, my friend."
Jonny hit the lights as he went, leaving on only a small one so they would have a full view out the window of the forest. By the time he had reached Hadji and sat, Hadji had unwound his dastar turban and was letting his long hair fall for its nightly combing.
"Let me," Jonny said impulsively. He gulped. He'd been Hadji's brother for years, but only rarely had the courage to ask for the privilege to comb his hair. He knew how important the ritual was to his brother's faith.
But Hadji merely nodded and passed over the fine wooden comb, moving to sit at Jonny's feet. Jonny hesitated a moment before he carefully began imitating the very way Hadji always combed his own hair, with the same slow carefulness he always admired in his brother. His Guide.
"Hadj," he said after a few long moments, "we have to talk. There's so much..."
"I know," Hadji said softly.
"Before anything else happens, though," Jonny stopped his combing, "I just...I'm so sorry. And...I missed you, Hadji. So much." He closed his eyes and actually tipped forward, resting his forehead on the crown of Hadji's head. "I'm so sorry. Are you...do you still feel broken...?"
"No, Jonny," Hadji said. "The pain of our broken bond is gone. And it was never truly broken, merely...disrupted. But it is over now. We are as we always were. More or less."
"Yeah," Jonny sat back up, able to return to his task and focused on getting his brother to talk. "About that."
"I do believe I owe you an explanation." And without so much as a pause Hadji launched into a full retelling of how he and Blair had realized their Sentinels were in trouble – and what they had done about it. He left out no details of their abduction by the Zin daughters or what they had learned there. It was only when he reached the point in his tale when he and Blair had again dropped into the Temple of Light to try to help that he stopped.
Jonny had finished combing by then, so he took the quiet as an opportunity to tug Hadji off the floor and back to his seat where he could look into his eyes.
"Tell me about all the mystical stuff or don't," Jonny offered after a moment. "I might not understand it even if you do tell me. But there is something I really do want to know."
"What precisely is that?"
"I want to know why you're...different now." Jonny never looked away from Hadji. "I want to know why you and Blair don't seem okay."
Hadji nodded. "Then, for now let it suffice to say that what we did was a terrible stretch for both of us, far beyond when you and I summoned the spirit guardian last fall."
Jonny's heart pounded. "But it almost..."
"You know we almost died," Hadji said. "You know that."
Jonny swallowed around a dry throat and nodded.
"We were saved by the Guide and his Sentinel who joined us in the astral. Combined, they had the strength to do what we could not, though the cost was..." Hadji sighed. "Still, there are always consequences to overextending oneself even in the pursuit of enlightenment."
Hadji closed his eyes. "We will be all right, I think," he said at last. "But right now...we are not quite ourselves."
"What do you mean?"
"For a time, when we were struggling to keep ourselves alive while also saving your lives by keeping the waters at bay, Blair and I bound ourselves as closely as we could. We became as a single pillar to hold up the world. And...we have not yet quite separated."
Jonny's mouth fell open. "What?"
"When you and I are one, when we bonded, you know what we felt. We intertwined all that we are, and all of it became shared. But, just as you were forced to break our bond in order to answer the Sentinel sickness mating imperative, I was forced to stretch myself in order to save all our lives, and that thinness was only answered by Blair adding his own strength to mine."
"So...you bonded with him?"
"I don't believe so. Not exactly." Hadji turned his head and stared out over the forest. "It is not permanent. I don't believe it is. But...there are echoes of us in each other. I can tell you without guessing or supposing that he is engaged in this exact conversation with Jim right now." He smiled a little wryly. "Jim is taking it far more badly than you, incidentally."
"Because I don't think I understand it yet!" Jonny protested. "Are you telling me you can read his mind, and he can read yours?"
"More accurately that, for the moment, we share the same mind. Or, at least, there is a great deal of overlap. We are a very complicated Venn Diagram now. There is little of me that is not either also in common with you or else Blair. Just as there is little of him that is not either a part of myself or a part of Jim."
"Oh Hadji," Jonny suddenly felt the truth of what he had trouble wrapping his brain around. In an impulsive leap, he crossed the distance between them and flung his arms around his brother. "You and Blair risked everything to save us. You broke yourselves to build up enough energy to protect us. I'm so sorry." He buried his head against Hadji's warm neck. "I should have been the one protecting you."
"Do not be sorry," Hadji returned the hug. "We would do it again for you. Always."
"But it won't last?"
Hadji shook his head. "We don't think so. Though, once changed, one cannot go back to what one was. You know what they say about Humpty Dumpty, my friend," Hadji said sadly.
"Well," Jonny answered as he leaned back to meet his brother's eyes, "it is true that 'all the king's horses and all the king's men' couldn't put him together again, but I'm willing to bet none of those men were Sentinels." He let himself smile gently. "No matter how small the broken pieces, I won't stop until I find them all. No matter how badly shattered, there's no way I won't piece that eggshell together again. Even if you got scrambled down to the molecular level, I'm sure dad would have something that would help me see which molecules belonged where."
Hadji looked to his Sentinel and, for the first time in weeks, felt peace.
-==OOO==-
There were only a few days until the end of spring break at Rainier, and they were busy. While the rest of the Major Crimes department had to get back to doing their duties, Blair, the Quests, and the three newcomer students took advantage of the time they had to work through the initial difficulties of helping their new Sentinels. In the end, all but one decided to remain at SELF for the foreseeable future, whether because they were afraid to go back to their homes or they wanted to learn (a few even requested that their families be relocated, which Benton was happyto do). Hasna and Emeline had been the first to opt for remaining with SELF; it was where they had decided to raise their children.
At the same time, Jonny showed the little book given to him by Bai Ming to the others. To his horror, it had been at least partly damaged by its soaking, but there were sections of it that were still legible. Whenever not running around as Guides trying to acclimate thirty new Sentinels to the seventy already in place, Blair and Hadji could be found bent over the book, parsing its words and recording them along with their own notes and interpretations.
And if the pair of Guides did most of it without exchanging a word, no one asked about it.
The night before returning to classes, Ivanna was out on the patio when Blair came to join her, little book in hand.
"Jonny says you knew Bai Ming?" he asked gently.
She nodded. "Yes. He was an old friend to Ilja and I." She looked away.
"Jonny also told us that...Ilja wasn't a true Sentinel."
"As I am not a true Guide." There was no bitterness in her voice, merely acceptance.
"I didn't believe it at first," Blair said. "You've always been a Guide to these Sentinels. And you're more comfortable with spirit animals and stuff even than Hadji and I are."
She inclined her head regally and waited.
"But what we did, how we helped...you can't do that, can you?"
"Ming told me many years ago that I lacked a Seventh sense," she said. "I am strong, very strong, in what he called the Sixth of the senses."
"That would be the one for sensing spirit animals and having visions and stuff," Blair nodded. "That's what his book says. But it says a true Guide and a true Sentinel are possessed not only of five senses, or six, but seven."
"And in that sense, Ilja and I were not like you. Neither of us possessed the Seventh."
"That's why you and he never bonded," Blair said with care. "Because if you had, you wouldn't still be alive without him. The Seventh makes that possible."
"Ming was the only one to tell me of the Seventh," Ivan answered, "but if I understood his indirect meaning correctly, that is one of its purposes, yes."
"The book also says that...that Sentinels without the Seventh sense can be dangerous." Blair swallowed thickly. "That they can be...unstable."
"A Sentinel without the Seventh sense is apparently much more likely to go mad or insensible. And much more likely to hate any who does possess it. They can perceive nothingness but see that something should be there." She turned to him. "This reminds you of something."
"Yeah," he nodded. "Of the Sentinel who killed me. Who warped Jim for a while."
"The one who caused him Sentinel sickness," Ivan said knowingly. "I understand."
"But she...she was a Sentinel," Blair said. "Even if she wasn't the same as Jim, she wasn't...it wasn't like she lacked something. She was a Sentinel in all the ways that mattered – well, until she went crazy and killed me," he managed a smile. "Not having the Seventh made her different, but it wasn't a bad different until she, well, went bad."
"I believe that is because your heart is kinder even than Ming's was. If you ever troubled yourself to look for what I am not, you would see what I lack." Ivan looked at him fondly. "That you and Hadji both choose otherwise is your own kindness, not any great worthiness of mine."
"You're still a Guide," Blair said stubbornly. "And we don't care about the Seventh."
"You should."
"Okay, we don't care that you don't have it," he clarified. "You're still a Guide. You're the only Guide most of the people here had ever known. If you can't break all the rules of physics, that's okay." He smiled. "We won't hold it against you."
Ivan laughed. "So, you are saying that this knew wisdom changes nothing?"
"Oh, it changes all kinds of things," Blair said eagerly, grinning. "This means Benton and I have to design a whole new set of tests so we can figure out which Sentinels have a bit of the Seventh. And so we can find Guides who have it, too. It adds more colors to our little rainbow!"
Ivanna smiled at him. "Oh my dear Professor Guide. You are colorful enough all on your own."
-==OOO==-
On the Sunday night before classes resumed for the term, it was quite a caravan that set out from the lodge. Benton took Jonny and Eric while Race had Jessie and Lai and Simon went with Daryl to move them back into the dorms after their brief stay. Now that everything was out in the open, the discussions in the car were full of life as the three new members of SELF found endless questions to ask and new plans to make.
But it was slightly solemn, too, as they watched Jim's truck with Blair and Hadji in it head for the other end of campus.
"I got your email," Chris practically exploded out of his chair when Hadji and Blair and Jim came into the room. "You found Mark? What happened? Is he all right?"
Otto raised an eyebrow from his own chair, looking carefully at the three.
"Sit down," Blair said gently. "You need to hear this."
"Oh god," Chris sank back into his chair. "Oh god."
"Chris, I'm so sorry to tell you this," Jim said firmly, "but Mark Peterson was found dead last week."
The young anthropologist nodded, tears starting to fall. His voice was low. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"Are you sure you wish to know?" Hadji asked with concern, moving to one side.
Chris nodded. But his shoulders shook. Otto got up from his own desk and moved to his friend, resolutely wrapping his arms around the other man. Chris leaned into the support but never took his eyes from Jim.
"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time," Jim said. He tried to be as gentle as he could while also being truthful. "We don't really know why he left his room that night, or what made him decide to stay here over winter break."
"It could have been research related," Blair put in. "Maybe he got a line on a new resource or something. His advisor didn't know."
"Some of the members of one of the fraternities on campus were cruising around celebrating after they'd finished their finals," Jim continued. "They were drunk and maybe using drugs as well. They don't really remember. But they..." he paused, feeling his own sorrow at the words to come. "They hit him with their car."
"He died instantly," Blair said softly. "Never felt a thing."
"They panicked and threw him in their trunk. They took him somewhere to bury him and never told anyone." Jim forged on. "We've recovered his body already. His mother will be flying him home for burial."
Chris started to say something, but it came out garbled. He turned and buried his face in Otto's chest and let himself cry.
"Thank you," Hadji said softly. Blair and Jim nodded and took that as their cue to leave. If Chris later wanted the details about the memorial Rainier would plan, Hadji knew them. The partners waved grimly at Hadji and left him with his roommates.
They were all the way down in the truck before either of them spoke. "Rafe and Brown did a good job getting that confession from the kids," Blair said.
"They did a good job finding them in the first place," Jim agreed. "It was because you asked Simon to make it a priority for them."
"We might never have gotten to it," Blair shrugged. "With everything that was happening, we were up to our necks in problems. Even focusing on it, it took them days to sort through possibilities and everything to find where the repair shop had called in a suspicious report of damage to a car and trace the timing back to Mark's disappearance."
"The best police work isn't the dramatic stuff in a shootout in the street," Jim said. "It's the slow research and piecing together of tiny clues to build a case. Even in the most open-and-shut deal, it takes hours and days and weeks to get it right."
"Yeah."
Jim looked sideways at his partner. Even putting aside that whole thing about Blair sharing some kind of weird brainwaves with Hadji, his partner had been more quiet and withdrawn than usual. Not with other people, mainly. With them, he was acting as much like himself as Jim thought he was able. It was only when it was just the two of them that Blair gave up the act and let himself be...whatever he was.
"Sandburg?"
"What is it, Jim?"
"Something on your mind?"
Blair heaved a sigh. "Yeah. Something Bai Ming told us when we were...you know."
"Yeah, I know." Even if he still didn't entirely understand it. Maybe I can get him to write it all down. Or explain it to Jonny and he'll explain it to me, except I don't think he gets it either. Maybe Benton does. But, if he does, he's not telling. I don't think my brain is built for this esoteric stuff.
"He said that if we would stop trying to hold onto everything, we'd be a lot happier." Sandburg looked out his window. "At the time, I thought he meant more than just we couldn't hold back all the water by ourselves."
Jim waited. His partner would talk it all out now.
"I think...somehow he was talking about me. About how I've been trying to hold onto everything all at the same time. And the truth is that I'm running out of hands, you know? Being a teacher at Rainier, and being your partner on the job, and working for SELF, and being your Guide, and now trying to be a Guide to a hundred other Sentinels..."
Jim sat for a moment before he asked, "Does this mean you don't want some of that?"
"Oh man. The problem is that I want all of it!" Blair grinned, suddenly sounding just like his old self. Then he sobered. "But I can't really have all of it. And that's the problem. You can't hold onto sand – it runs through your fingers when you try."
"So what are you going to do?" Jim asked carefully. He had an opinion, but it was Blair's life and he would respect that no matter what.
"I...think it's time for me to let go of Rainier," Blair answered.
Jim was surprised. That was not the choice he thought Sandburg would make. "Why Rainier?"
"Well, work backwards. I can't give up being your Guide and I don't want to." He said it with a grin, but Jim could hear the soul-deep steel under the words, which comforted him. "And if I'm your Guide, I'm also your partner. But I can't be your partner without the DHS stuff. To get that, I have to stay with SELF."
Jim couldn't argue that logic.
"And besides, I mean, think about it. SELF is, like, the total embodiment of everything I've ever been working towards. I thought one Sentinel was my holy grail, and I was so wrong."
"How so?"
"One Sentinel is a study, an interest. A hundred Sentinels is a lifetime of adventure and teaching and learning and watching cultures interact and seeing how subcultures develop in a small population and that's without any of the actual Sentinel stuff like the regular five senses or now these Sixth and Seventh senses and everything that they mean, plus all the protective stuff and now going on a big hide-and-seek game all over the world for more like Angie and Hasna and Emeline."
Jim grinned in spite of the slight pang – his partner could still run on without a breath when he got going.
"Sounds like you're pretty happy."
"Well...Rainier was the first real home I ever had," Blair admitted. "It kind of hurts to leave it behind."
"Except you've got all the kids now, too, to keep you on your toes," Jim pointed out.
"And I'd still spend some time at the SELF house near the campus sometimes if I needed to be closer to the station but I was working on Sentinel stuff," Blair nodded. "Mostly...I just have to wonder if I'm really ready for this."
"What do you mean?" Jim was confused. "Ready for what?"
"Well, being a Guide to a hundred Sentinels. I'm sometimes a pretty cruddy Guide to just one Sentinel, and –"
"Stop right there." Jim actually pulled off the road into a parking lot so he could turn and look straight at his partner. "You are not a cruddy Guide. Or partner."
"I almost let you drown, man. You went off without me – again – and you could have been killed. And that whole thing with Sentinel sickness..."
Jim growled. Then, abandoning any pretense, he reached across the cab of the truck and grabbed his Guide by the shoulder. Heedless of seat-belts, he hauled Blair across and drew him into a rough hug.
"Now, you listen to me and you listen good, Sandburg. It's my fault I went without telling you. Not yours. And if you and Hadji hadn't come for us, we'd be dead for sure and a whole lot of people with us. As for the Sentinel sickness..."
Jim paused and then forged ahead. "Look, we've never really talked about what happened with Alex. But I think we both understand it now."
"It was pure Sentinel sickness," Blair nodded against his chest. "Maybe even made worse because she didn't have a Seventh sense. I've been thinking she was like Ilja, and that's why it was easy for her to kill me. And why the pools drove her out of her mind but brought you back to yourself at the Temple. She could see to the steps but couldn't get through the Seventh Door."
"Whatever. Frankly, I don't care," Jim shrugged. "But, look. I...it hurt you bad and...I wasn't exactly...you know." He sighed. "I didn't know what it was doing to you."
"Neither did I," Blair admitted. "But, Jim, man, it's okay."
"No, Chief."
"Yes, Jim," Blair said more firmly, pushing back to where he could look into his Sentinel's face. "It is okay. It's okay because even if I didn't understand it then, I get it now. And now is what matters. Now we're in this thing together. All the way."
Jim could only nod as the strength and depth of their bond reasserted itself in his heart.
"And that's some of what I think Bai Ming was trying to tell me, too," Blair said. "I can't hold onto everything that ever happened between us. Or everything that was ever a part of my life. I can't carry it all with me. It'll crush me. I have to be here, in the moment, with what's here. With you. With SELF. I got used to traveling with nothing more than a single backpack a long time ago. It's way past time I started cleaning out my insides to make them portable."
"And that's a healthy development?" Jim wanted to know.
Blair nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I have to let some things go. So I'm opting to drop all the bad stuff between us, and Rainier too. I'll stay until the end of the semester, but that's it. And that will free up a lot of space in my head for being a better partner and a better Guide."
"Do whatever you think you have to," Jim said, tugging Blair back into his hug, "but you're a damn fine partner and Guide right now, no matter what. And I'm proud to have you as both."
-==OOO==-
In a darkened room half a world away, many different computer screens showed a variety of images. Some were of a ruined facility, mostly flooded and filled with the bodies of those who had failed. Some were from an underground garage and a singular confrontation that had taken place.
"You have won this round quite handily, my old enemy," Doctor Zin said, steepling his long fingers before him in thought. "But do not grow complacent. For the time will come when I will tear down everything you so cherish, and from your ashes I will create a world in my own image."
He hit a button on his desk that activated an intercom.
"Yes, Master?"
"Send for my daughters. They have a great deal of work to do."