Warning: N/A

Chapter 13- And Can You Understand

Harry was walking with Ron and Hermione when Draco stepping in front of them, effectively cutting off their forward motion. Harry blinked up at him, getting ready for whatever he had done wrong this time. Hermione cut off her monologue mid-sentence and Ron's shoulders tensed as if he were getting ready for a fight.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Ron asked, stepping forward and Harry rolled his eyes. Ron still refused to trust Draco, believing he was going to eat Harry or something equally grotesque though Hermione and Harry had both tried to convince him otherwise.

"Ever so pleasant, Weasley," Draco sighed, eyes never leaving Harry's. "I need to speak with you." Ron opened his mouth to deliver another scathing comment.

"Harry," Hermione interrupted suddenly, taking hold of Ron's arm. "I just remembered this project I had forgotten about." Harry blinked at her. "So, Ron and I'll just be going down to the library. You'll be ok, yes?" She cast him a meaningful look, and he turned his face away, refusing to meet either her knowing eyes or Draco's questioning ones.

"The library?" Ron whined. "But why?"

"Oh, come on, Ron," she snapped, dragging him down the hall and away from Harry and Draco.

"Well," Draco raised an eyebrow after their retreating forms. "That was subtle." Harry coughed out a surprised laugh, and Draco glanced at him, his mouth twitching in a half smile that left Harry with painful knots lining his stomach.

"Um," Harry shifted, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I, uh, you needed to speak to me?"

"What?" Draco blinked at him for a moment and then seemed to realize what exactly Harry had asked. "Oh, yes." He turned his grey eyes away, gesturing before heading down the hall to stop outside an empty classroom. Harry watched him, trying to keep the disbelief off his face. When they'd been together last night, and Draco had lost it on top of him—Harry had never felt such deep contentment. He had expected Draco to run away, it was inevitable. But then he also couldn't stop himself from hoping that Draco would change his mind and seek him out. Just like he was doing now….

Draco glanced down the hallway as if to make sure no one was watching—though why he cared Harry couldn't imagine—before slipping into the classroom. Harry went in after him, passing so close he felt Draco's fingertips brush his waist. He sucked in a breath, stumbling closer to Draco, in desperate need of that sinful touch against his skin. Their eyes locked and all rational thought flew out of Harry's head.

"Harry," Draco whispered, his voice hoarse and full of answering lust. Harry's eyes widened, gasping slightly as his eyes met the beautiful silver-grey iris' that were always successful at breaking any willpower Harry had. And then Draco's lips were against his, hot and wet and moving with the sinful passion that was unequal to any other feeling. He reached for Draco, wanting- Then Draco jerked away, gasping for air and looking for all the world as if he had just committed some unforgivable crime.

"Draco?" Harry asked. He heard the venerability in his voice and knew just how close he was to breaking. He needed Draco to close the gap between them. To say he cared just as much, that Harry wasn't just a toy to him. That it had never been just sex.

"I-," Draco stopped to clear his throat and when he started again his voice was its normal lilting timbre. As if nothing had every happened. "I just brought you here to tell you we're changing the way you study Occlumency."

"What?" Harry blinked.

"Severus and I believe that we should take on a less hands-on approach." Draco answered, taking a step away and out of the reach of Harry's hands. His head was still turned away, looking anywhere but at Harry. "We're going to focus more on your mental defenses."

"My mental defenses?" Harry blinked again, his mind feeling unnaturally foggy as if it just wouldn't compute what Draco was saying.

"Yes, from now on, Severus won't be breaking into your mind anymore." Draco said. "We'll just be working on the barriers around your mind."

And then he understood. Draco hadn't brought him here because he'd wanted him, he'd brought him here because he'd needed to tell him about Occlumency. Harry flushed in humiliation, dropping his eyes to the ground and refusing to look up.

"Oh, ok. That sounds… good, I guess."

"Yeah," Draco answered, his voice still that normal emotionless tone as if he didn't care about the havoc he was causing to Harry's heart.

"I should…" Harry murmured, his eyes flicking up to Draco's face and then away again. "I should go." He knew Draco said something, he heard his voice, but he didn't exactly hear what he said.

Harry crossed toward the door, moving away from Draco with steps so fast he could have been running. He felt like running. "Harry!" Draco called when his hand touched the door handle. Harry hesitated, his eyes still locked on the handle of the door. He just wanted to leave. "Harry, I want-," Draco started, and Harry couldn't. He knew what Draco was going to say and he just couldn't hear his apologies for not returning Harry's feelings. He couldn't hear how sorry Draco was for ever hurting him.

"I'll see you on Monday, Malfoy," Harry told the door before he allowed his heart to take control of his limbs and then he ran. He felt like he was crumbling from the inside out. He wasn't even in pain anymore. He was just numb. He had really thought…. Just for a moment he believed he meant as much to Draco as Draco meant to him.

And that had made that snap to reality that much more painful.

The rest of the week was torture. Hermione asked what Malfoy wanted and then was puzzled when Harry told her.

"That's all he wanted?" She'd asked.

"Yes," He'd answered. "Why are you so surprised?" After that, she hadn't said anything else about it though he was sure he'd seen her corner Malfoy in the library later that day. She never told him what he'd said, and he was grateful; he didn't need her to confirm what he already knew.

Ron was ecstatic that Harry seemed to have cut off all contact with Malfoy. He'd said one 'good riddance' and then hadn't made another comment about Malfoy complete disappearance from their conversations and lives.

Harry for his part, tried not to think about Malfoy. After all, what good would it do to pine after him. But when Draco would look at him with those silver-grey eyes completely focused on him, the world just fell into place again. And when he wasn't there, Harry felt lost. His scar still burnt, he was still having dreams, and the only person he wanted to talk to was Draco. So no, he wasn't anywhere near moving on. Especially when he'd remember that little tidbit Hermione gave him about Parkinson and Malfoy not shagging and Harry would replay all the possibilities in his head over and over again. If only he hadn't made that stupid comment to Draco all those months ago, would things be different now?

Harry sighed gustily, shoving open the door to the potions classroom and then stopping. Malfoy's head immediately rose out of the funneling cloud that billowed from the potion set positioned in front of him.

"Um," Harry shifted his feet uncertainly. "It is 6:00 o'clock, right?" Malfoy stared at him, an eyebrow rising with a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"You did listen to me when I said we'd be changing your training, right?"

"And that includes brewing potions?" Harry groaning and resisting the temptation to bang his head against the wall. He had failed enough at potions and Occlumency, no need to combine the two.

"This is a Polyanima potion, Potter." Malfoy rolled his eyes. "It allows the drinker access to people's conscious minds."

"Ok," Harry answered, wary now. Malfoy didn't plan to use that on him, did he? Because Harry was pretty sure Draco had enough blackmail material without reading just how much Harry liked him.

"You and I are going to enter my mind." Malfoy told him, leaning over the table and pulling two goblets closer to him. "You're going to look at the defenses around my mind, understand how they work, why they're necessary, and what you would need to do to build your own."

"We're going inside your mind?" Harry asked, resisting the urge to bolt from the room. He wasn't sure this was a good idea, especially since he really didn't want to know exactly what Malfoy had thought about him.

"Don't worry," Malfoy answered, pouring two large scoops into the goblets in front of him before turning to Harry with serious eyes. "You won't see anything that I don't want you to." Harry bit his lip, not exactly feeling reassured. But he just nodded and closed his hand around the offered goblet. Draco kept his grey eyes firmly locked on Harry's as he raised his own goblet to his lips. It wasn't until the potion was halfway down his throat that Harry realized Draco's right forefinger was tapping frantically against his thigh. Harry blinked as Draco's eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed. If Draco was being brave when he was really nervous then certainly Harry could swallow a potion and look into the mind of his… whatever they were. He picked up the second goblet and downed the contents, almost retching at the taste.

The first thing Harry noticed was the feeling of something pulling on his mind and his body. The pain came a second later. He felt as if he was being ripped in half—his mind being wrench out and away from his body. He cried out, trying desperately to hold himself together.

Let go, Malfoy's voice sounded inside his mind, bouncing and echoing along the walls. Harry started, and the force used his distraction to pull his mind out. Then suddenly he was floating, feeling as if he was being pushed along by an invisible current. With a rush he was grounded again, his body materializing around him as he was anchored inside a pale blue landscape that left Harry with the feeling, he was walking on an alien planet.

That's a normal feeling, Malfoy's voice echoed around him.

"What is?" Harry asked, his voice bouncing around him.

"Feeling as if you're somewhere alien," Draco answered, and Harry whirled around to face him. "You're somewhere completely unfamiliar, somewhere you'll likely never be again." Draco tilted his head, studying Harry with his silver-grey eyes slightly narrowed. "And most people can never begin to understand another person's conscious mind, just as they can't understand an alien planet."

"Wait," Harry whispered, turning in a circle to reevaluate the blue landscape. "You mean..."

"This is my mind," Draco confirmed. The landscape was done up in shades of blue and white, the air shimming with blue flecked crystals that burned along Harry's skin like ice. There was low cut grass across the ground that itched Harry's feet and far off in the distance there stood a single towering building that could have been anything and was too far away to truly make out. It was completely breathtakingly beautiful, but the more Harry looked, the colder it seemed, the more dangerous it seemed. As it you could be lured in by the beauty and then frozen by the hidden ice within.

"That's not going to happen," Draco murmured.

"What?"

"There's no hidden ice."

"I didn't-," Harry blushed, beginning to backtrack. Then he stopped himself, he hadn't spoken aloud, had he? Come to think of it, how had Draco known he had been thinking of alien planets, as well? "You're reading my thoughts?" Harry said.

"No," Draco said. "You're shouting your thoughts at me." Draco snorted and then covered his mouth as if he hadn't meant to make the sound. The blue crystals danced in the air around his head and Draco uncovered his mouth to shoo them away.

"How do I stop?"

"Guard your thoughts."

"But-," Harry started to protest that he obviously didn't know how to do that.

"Look into my eyes, Harry," Draco said, and when he shifted forward the whole blue landscape behind him shimmered in time to his movements, leaving Harry dazzled by the beauty of it all. "Feel the pattern of my thoughts." Draco whispered, coming even closer.

And Harry shivered as the blue crystals swirled in the air, brushing against his skin to leave a frozen trail, just as cold and unforgiving as Draco himself. Draco flinched as if still hearing Harry's thoughts, but just continued speaking. "Look and feel how to control your mind."

Harry turned his face, locking eyes with Draco and looking. He could see the shift of thoughts in the back of his eyes, but he couldn't understand the meaning of them. There was a dense wall between Harry and Draco's thoughts, blocking him from getting any closer.

"I don't understand," Harry whispered.

"Then look closer," Draco answered, shifting even closer. Harry shivered as the blue crystals pressed down even harder against him, urging Harry to look, to understand. Harry blinked, were the crystals a cognitive part of Draco's mind too? He flicked his eyes over, focusing on a blue crystal that was hovering about a foot from his face.

Immediately, the wall around Draco's thoughts shifted. It closed around the blue crystals, locking Harry out and snapping the flow of emotions off. Harry blinked, turning to Draco in surprise.

"How did you do that?"

"Look closer, Harry," Draco answered. "Stop trying to get around it and start trying to understand it." Harry bit his lip, turning back to the wall in front of him and taking a step closer. The wall was shifting with his eye, molding itself to what Harry was expecting to see and strengthening itself where Harry was expecting weakness.

"I still don't understand," Harry said.

"Yes, you do." Draco answered, and a single blue crystal brushed against Harry's face, feeling as soft and sweet as satin.

"But how do you keep it intuitive if you don't know what the person's thinking?" He asked, keeping his eyes on the wall. "And how do you keep focused on it even while you're talking?"

"Intuition. The better you are at reading someone, the better the defenses will be. Also, the better you know someone, the easier it is to keep them out of your mind because you can predict their movements." Draco said, the wall shifting and the blue crystals pressing even as he spoke. "And keeping it up is just a matter of practice and necessity."

"I could never do that." Harry answered, reaching out on impulse.

"You thinking that is half the reason you can't." Draco said. Harry's hand hesitated a second before it touched the wall in front of him and then his knuckles brushed against the smooth blue surface. Draco gasped, making Harry turn toward him, his hand half raised. Their eyes locked, and Harry restrained the gasp at the emotion he found in Draco's gaze.

It wasn't just surprise, it was something close to adoration. His cheeks flushed as he stared at Harry with eyes so wide, Harry could see every inch of his silver-grey iris'. The blue crystals began to beat around them at a frantic pace, pushing against Harry. Though they were no longer cold and rough but soft and warm, inviting and wanting instead of demanding and urging.

"Do that again," Draco said, voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" Harry blinked, beginning to drop his hand against the on slot of new sensations. Draco made an impatient sound in the back of his throat and crossed in front of Harry with three long strides, taking his hand in both of his. Harry just let his hand hang limply in Draco's grip, feeling as if he was missing something important. Draco didn't act like this and he certainly didn't look at Harry like that.

"Do this," Draco whispered, bringing Harry's hand up to his face and pressing it to his cheek.

"I don't-," Harry started.

"I can feel you, Harry," Draco murmured, pressing Harry's hand harder against his cheek. "I can feel your mind."

"But couldn't you already-,"

"No, reading memories, even thoughts is different. This is..." Draco trailed off, focusing on Harry. He blinked and then seemed to realize what exactly he was doing. He tensed, beginning to pull away, his silver-grey eyes narrowing and turning away until Harry couldn't read them anymore. But his walls weren't quite up quick enough for Harry this time. "My apologies," he said. "I shouldn't have-."

This time Harry understood why Draco insisted on yanking away from him when it would have been so easy to admit he cared. He finally understood why Draco pulled away as if he had been burnt. It had nothing to do with Harry and everything to do with Draco not trusting himself. He wondered how many times Draco had been told never to let his emotions go, to never let anyone see that side of himself.

"Wait," Harry whispered, moving his hand along Draco's cheek and clutching at the back of his neck. "Just... Wait," he could hear the pleading edge to his voice, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He just didn't want Draco to turn away from him again. Not when he knew the truth.

"Harry," Draco bit his lip, his voice rough. He was completely stiff under Harry's fingers, refusing to move as Harry brought his other hand up and placed it firmly against Draco's cheek. Harry leaning closer, his fingers smoothing along Draco's cheekbones, determined to get a reaction. "Harry, stop." Draco said, grasping his wrists and stopping him in his tracks.

"Draco, you stop." Harry breathed, tugging against the hands but Draco held him firm.

"What?" Draco's eyes widened, staying focused on Harry with something close to disbelief.

"Stop trying so hard to control yourself." Harry clarified, holding Draco's eyes as his hands tightened around his wrist to a painful degree.

"That's not-," Draco started to shake his head, the blue crystals beginning to swirl frantically around them. They were freezing around the hands that held Harry's wrist though Draco maintained his grip and growing painfully warm in the space between their bodies, as if urging them to close the space.

"Why aren't we allowed to be happy, Draco?" Harry asked, looking into conflicted silver-grey eyes and knowing he'd been wrong about Draco the entire time. Draco had always wanted him. He had always cared about him. Now, Draco himself just needed to accept that Harry wanted him back.