Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.

I'm not dead - hooray?^^

First and foremost, I have to apologize for the really long delay - yet again. We've had major internet issues, and then some personal things came up once we got it back. So instead of updating I've mostly been reading (to keep myself occupied and to keep my mind off things, I guess) - have read tons of books: the entire Fallen series by Lauren Kate (except for the 4th book, of course, since it's not out yet), "Starcrossed" by Josephine Angelini, two random&normal novels and two non-fiction books (weirdly enough) since the last update :) And now I'm also reading a Louis L'Amour-book (like Dimitri xD) as well as "Beautiful Creatures" by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl (refreshing to read a guy's POV!). All for the sake of not dying while waiting for Bloodlines... hehe.

Over 200 reviews already! A thousand thanks to you all (except for one person, who I will get to later on) for your amazing reviews (special thanks to I. Live. In. A. Fairy. Tale - sorry for messing up your name - yours was worthy of a facebook-status and running to my mom, telling her what you said, haha - yes, I really did that x3)! So glad you're all loving this story so much! :D And like before, questions/comments I've gotten will be adressed in the AN at the end of the chapter.

Anywho... I won't delay you any further...

Enjoy! :)

Chapter 13

Weeks passed by at an alarming pace and, all things considered, my life had finally stabilized itself. Become bearable. Manageable. I had my routines and I followed them to the point, which clearly kept me from losing my mind. I focused on the running, school, detention and finding out more about Anna, St. Vladimir's shadowkissed guardian. Day after day was spent following that schedule. And it helped. I got a little more sleep and I didn't have the nightmares as often.

My classmates seemed to gradually notice the change in me. They became friendlier towards me. They acknowledged my presence again, and it made the boring - yes, I could admit that - schedule I had for myself definitely worth it. It wasn't as though I really craved to be a part of their group again, but it was still nice to be treated with friendliness. Mason - of course - seemed particularly happy to see the return of Rose Hathaway.

Stan, on the other hand, didn't.

It wasn't as if I had become nasty or impertinent in class, like I had been before, but he could probably notice the change just like everyone else did. And it seemed as if it didn't sit right with him - maybe he just didn't feel like having our famous classroom-battles again? A part of me was sure he actually did miss the old me, and the arguments we used to have, but another part also thought he was happy that I wasn't being so rude anymore. And that he could have normal lessons without having to throw someone - a.k.a me - out more than once a week.

It really was a wonder I was still allowed to go to this school.

Other than that, Dimitri – I still wasn't used to think of him as that, so I was still sticking with "Belikov" or "Comrade" most of the time (probably much to his dismay) – and I had become pretty good friends during these last few weeks. Well, not friends per se, but we definitely got along well.

Every morning after that Sunday we'd been running together in the mornings and we always said at least 'hi' to each other. And before he left the tracks, he always told me he'd be seeing me again in class. And hearing those words every day had begun to leave a mark of its own on me – they felt safe somehow. Reassuring. A promise that he wasn't going anywhere.

That he wasn't leaving me.

If we ever happened to find ourselves in the chapel at the same time during the weekdays, we usually sat together now. No freaky things happened anymore, at least they didn't when he was around. Or Andrew for that matter. And every time I'd been in there since then, one of the two were always there. The lack of any new "air-breaths" made me question what I'd experienced, but I still didn't dismiss it as nothing. It had felt too real to be ignored.

I know I had promised myself to keep away from the chapel during the weekdays before, but since my social life was still barely existent and I still had questions regarding the whole shadowkissed-thing, I figured I might as well investigate it further. I'd gone back to Andrew the week after Belikov and I had reconciled to see if he had any more books on the matter, and as it turned out, he did. At first he'd told me he wasn't sure, but that he'd check in the attic among the century-old literature when he got around to it. And a couple of days later - a Sunday, naturally - he told me he'd found a couple of books that I could look at.

The different books he'd given me, I discovered they fell into three categories: books written by people after St. Vladimir had died, books written by other people when he was still alive, and one diary of sorts written by Vlad himself. And since it'd take too long to read them all, I decided to go with only the two last categories.

I started with his diary, flipping page upon page for something worth reading; something about Anna. But especially anything that mentioned if healing was possible, seeing as Victor's theory was that Lissa had healed me right before she died.

And not before long I hit the jackpot.

Today I healed the mother of Sava who has long since suffered from sharp pains within her stomach. Her malady is now gone, but God has not allowed me to do such a thing lightly. I am weak and dizzy, and the madness is trying to leak into my head. I thank God every day for shadow-kissed Anna, for without her, I would surely not be able to endure.

If he - St. Vladimir - really hadn't gone mad, imagining things, he was proof that healing was possible. Unless it was just some kind of myth or something. But if it was true, then maybe it was true that Lissa had healed me that day.

But what did that mean for me?

Andrew had told me that Vlad and Anna were bound in both heart and mind, and Victor had more or less confirmed it. At least that he knew of a bond like theirs, that it might be possible for something like that to exist. And if it was true that they'd been bound, then could I have been bonded with Lissa the same way? Had that magical bond disappeared when she died, or was I still bound to her? If so, what did that mean for me?

Victor had said something about me being bound to her forever, that I would always feel the loss much more strongly than others would, but that was natural, of course. She'd been my best friend; wherever she'd been, I hadn't been far behind. We'd been like sisters, just like Christian had once told me.

And speaking of...

Christian proved to be a real stubborn son of a bitch. It had been weeks since we last talked, and it hadn't been a good talk either. It had practically been him telling me to fuck off and even though I did understand why, I couldn't help but think he was the most stubborn guy alive. I'd apologized – what more could I do?

So it was a surprise when – three weeks later – Christian walked up to me in the middle of the hallway in-between classes. Some stray students that I wasn't paying much attention to naturally turned around to stare. It wasn't every day that Christian Ozera talked to someone, and since it was me - the returning dhampir bitch - this was prime-time entertainment for the student body. Wouldn't have surprised me if someone whipped out some popcorn like this was a full-fledged movie.

"Hey," he said, stopping right in front of me.

Narrowing my eyes, I answered nonchalantly, "Are you talking to me?"

I could tell he was uncomfortable with the attention, but I was going to make him suffer, like he'd made me suffer for these past three weeks. He had it coming. With a hasty glance towards the other students, he said, "Who else?"

"What do you want, Christian?" I sighed.

"To talk to you." he replied. "Got time?"

I almost wanted to tell him that I was busy. Well, I kind of was actually, seeing as class would be starting in a matter of minutes. But since it had been this long, and I knew how Christian worked, I indulged him. I followed him across the quad, and out of both earshot and sight from the other students.

He didn't talk rightaway, and I could tell there was something that was clearly making him irritated. Honestly, he put up a good facade, but not nearly as good one as us dhampirs did. We had training for that stuff, and he didn't. He couldn't mask his emotions as easily.

"What's up with you and Belikov?" he eventually blurted out.

What?

His words took me by surprise - far more than I had imagined anything he could possibly say would. At least, this was not a conversation I'd expected to have brought up with anyone. Let alone Christian.

I eyed him, crossing my arms. "Jealous?"

He scoffed. But the look in his eyes, that feigned indifference – though he did but on a good show – wasn't fooling me. I could see that he missed me, at least a little, but I wasn't going to grovel or anything. The ball was in his court; I had apologized, but he had yet to accept it.

He didn't say anything for a moment then, and I - being impatient - therefore wondered, "You wanted to harass me about Dimitri?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Since when are you on a first-name basis with him?"

"Since... since now."

He started looking at me questioningly.

"We talk." I said simply. And it was the truth, but judging by the look on his face he didn't believe me one bit.

Christian snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure you do – in class."

His words caught me off guard once again. "What are you implying?"

He gave me a meaningful look. "You know what."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Belikov and I only ran together and we talked occasionally, and that was the whole truth. There wasn't anything more to us, and even if it was I couldn't see why that would be any of his concern. "Seriously, what do you want from me?"

His eyes narrowed around the edges. "You're not exactly like I thought you were."

"I've changed." I told him defiantly, crossing my arms. For some reason beyond me I felt like I had to prove myself to him, even though I had no reason to. He was the one who wanted to talk to - well, harass was more like it - me, not the other way around. The ball was still in his court.

"I can tell." His words were as cold as the blue in his eyes. Frosty and menacing. He was clearly upset, and I had the tiniest, tiniest feeling that this conversation hadn't gone the way he had hoped it would.

"If you just wanted to harass me, you can start walking. Or else you'll end up with a concussion."

"You really are a psychotic bitch," he said, a small smirk on his lips. It usually looked good on him, but it didn't today.

"If you just wanted to be a jerk, I suggest you get away from me," I warned him. "Now."

He stood his ground, taking a step closer towards me as if to make a point. He wasn't going anywhere. Before I had time to react, he did something that I hadn't been planning on. I was pretty much stunned by this turn of events. Out of nowhere, his lips came down on mine. The kiss was hot and fast and furious, and in that moment, he finally let out what he'd felt all these weeks.

But my fist connected with his jawline.

Christian swore, hissing as he touched the area where I'd just hit him. He looked at me with wild eyes, but there was still something in them that were - if I didn't know any better - kind of turned on.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" I shouted. "I clearly warned you."

His eyes narrowed, and it seemed to take a great deal of him to say his next words, "Is it so strange for me to like you, Rose?"

"Well, I don't like you." I said in a harsh tone, but immediately - as I saw his face falling with the realization - regretted saying them. A verbal bitch-slap coming from yours truly. I really was changing back into my old self, and that realization hit me like a ton of bricks in that moment. Frankly, the truth of it, I didn't like it. Suddenly I felt all lost again.

Who am I?

Am I really this bitchy person? What happened to the timid girl who used to sit in the chapel and talk to the priest when he was on break? Where had she disappeared of to? Was she still in there somewhere, or had that never been the real me?

In my last combat class for the day, anyone who got near me got a piece of my mind, which was to say that no one wanted to spar with me by the end of the lesson.

"What are you looking at?" I snapped at Ryan, who was staring wide-eyed at me. In my peripheral view I could see Meredith surrounded by Alberta and a few other classmates. Half her face was covered in blood.

I'd broken her nose.

Later that same, awful day - and after my damned detention - I found myself sitting out on the bleechers. The cool wind was refreshing, and for the first time that day it felt like I could really think. Away from everyone else and their annoying staring, and all the whispers about me - and Christian.

"Curfew's in fifteen minutes, Rose." A gentle voice carried itself through the wind.

I looked around only to see Dimitri standing by the stairs leading up to where I sat, looking up at me. His brown eyes were soft, like always, but there was still something to them that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Worry maybe.

"What are you doing?" he wondered.

I shrugged, turning my eyes back to my hands. They were cold. "Just thinking." A quick glance back at him. "What are you doing?"

"Just got off a shift," he explained. "And then I saw you out here..."

"And you thought, 'Wow. She's always out here; what a bore.'"

"That's not what I thought." His eyes narrowed a little as they continued to scrutinize me. "Is everything alright?"

"Just peachy," I murmured, but he didn't look convinced.

"It doesn't look 'peachy' to me."

I frowned. "Maybe you should get your eye sight checked then."

He gave me a stop-messing-around-and-tell-me-the-truth kind of look.

I didn't answer him rightaway, but after awhile I just shrugged. "Life, you know."

He looked thoughtful for a second, and then he did something that surprised me. He came up to sit beside me. Sure, I was used to it in the chapel by now, but this was different. Everyone could see us here. And even if we were only friends, why risk it? Why risk the gossip? Christian obviously thought there was something going on between Dimitri and I; who's to say there weren't others who thought the same? Like maybe someone in the faculty?

"What happened?" he wondered. Apparently he wasn't concerned about anyone misinterpreting the image of us, otherwise he wouldn't have come over here. Maybe I was just reading too much into everything, maybe he didn't feel anything towards me other than that he cared about my well-being.

"Christian happened."

He nodded knowingly, a slight frown darkening his face. "What did he do?"

He implied us hooking up. He practically called me a whore. He kissed me. Yeah... there were certainly answers to that question, but none I could share with the guy sitting next to me. I sighed. "He was just being his usual self."

"Is that why you were so angry in class?"

I glanced at him for a second before I turned my head away again. "Maybe."

He shook his head. "You need to work on your self control, Rose."

"No, I don't." I countered, even if I deep down knew he was right. I just didn't want to admit that I was the one in the wrong here.

"You can't let things affect you like that," he said calmly. "If you get emotionally distracted you can get hurt."

I willed myself not to sound scornful as I said, "I didn't get hurt today. They did.", but failed.

Belikov, ever so patient with me, took it in stride. "I know, but you need to learn how to channel your emotions better."

I heaved a sigh. "I don't need Zen lessons, Comrade."

He didn't seem offended by the nickname tonight, because he certainly ignored it. There was something more important for him to address. "What do you need then?"

Glancing back at him I could tell that he really meant it. He was concerned. Really concerned. Did he, too, notice the change in me? Did he no longer see the same girl he met a couple of months before? I didn't... and it scared me a little.

"I don't know what I need in the long run," I replied slowly. "But right now I could do with some sleep."

He nodded. "I'll follow you back to the dorm."

We set off.

Walking next to Dimitri had oddly enough begun to feel like the most natural thing to do. Inches apart, but he might as well be touching me already. We didn't touch though, but his skin radiated warmth from beside me and a part of me felt like reaching out to him.

"Are you excited about the dance this Saturday?"

"Haven't thought much about it," I lied. In all honesty it was something that had begun to creep itself into my mind for the past week. To go or not to go - that was the question. People probably expected me to show up.

This surprised him. "Aren't you going?"

"I don't know," I told him truthfully. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," he said, but the tone in his voice clearly said otherwise. "You shouldn't be alone so much."

"I'm not," I countered. "Besides, you're one to talk."

He just looked at me.

"You keep yourself locked up in your room like your some kind of prisoner," I explained. "All you do is read. Doesn't it ever get lonely? And why Western, seriously?"

"Like any book, it's an escape."

I frowned. "Why would you want to escape? And from what?"

He didn't answer, but then again he didn't have to. Because I knew deep down what he meant. Because his reason to get away from all of this was the same as mine. We wanted peace in our lives, to get away from the grief that kept haunting us. No matter how hard we tried to forget about it - all but the person we mourned - we would still have it in the back of our minds, clawing at us until we couldn't take it anymore. Lissa's... death would always be something I had to struggle with, the loneliness I was left to after the car accident. No longer had I someone I could run to with all my problems, a best friend I could share my woes with, but I supposed that was why I had gotten the journal. It was a substitute friend, but in comparison it didn't cut it. Far from it.

x x x

The next day I decided to seek out Christian. Despite my growing popularity - although, it was still sketchy - I was still short on friends, and people I could rely on. My actions that night outside his aunt's had put a dent in our already confusing friendship, and our conversation the day before had done nothing to solve anything between us. My many apologies seemed to have had no effect on him, but I still hoped that we could get over this rough patch of ours. After all, there were a few things I needed to talk to him about. Like that kiss for example.

I approached him during dinner. Having just finished my detention for the day I came into the cafeteria much later than everyone else. Most of the students had left already, but there were still some that hung around and chatted among their friends.

Christian had managed to avoid me - although I didn't think it was on purpose - all day, but was now sitting by himself, as usual, in one of the corners of the cafeteria. He looked glum and alone sitting there, kind of like an abandoned toy in a small child's bedroom. As I came closer and into view, he looked up from his half-eaten lasagna. Surprise filled his features at first, and behind it was a twinge of hope and... happiness, I noticed. But all of that disappeared just as quickly as it had come and was replaced by a frown instead.

"What do you want?" He was on the defensive immediately, but it wasn't as if I could really blame him. I'd been a real bitch to him twice now, and each time he hadn't really done anything to deserve being treated that way.

"Can I sit with you?"

He gave me a look of disbelief. "Wouldn't you rather sit with the other novices over there? I've heard you're in their good grades again after all."

"I'd rather sit here." I chanced a small smile.

He looked me over for a few moments, seeming to weigh my words. After awhile he pushed the opposite chair out with his foot, and I didn't hesitate to take the invitation and sit down.

"I'm sorry I punched you." I told him lamely, frowning as the words escaped my mouth.

His fork pierced the lasagna. "Just don't do it again."

I raised an eyebrow, or at least tried to. "Is that your way of saying you'll kiss me again?"

"I like you, Rose." He just looked at me, and I waited several seconds for him to continue but it appeared as though that was all he was going to say. I took that as a yes.

"Why?" I wondered.

"You're not like the other girls here," he said simply, yet thoughtfully. "You're better."

His iceblue eyes met mine then, burned into them, and I was immediately very aware of the limited space between us. Not in a I-want-to-get-closer kind of way, but aware in the sense that I didn't want him any closer. At least not in that way.

"And you're beautiful." he concluded with a small smile.

I scoffed. "You're laying it on a little thick, Ozera."

He crossed his arms on the table and leaned in a little. "Are you going to hit me again?"

An idea hit me then. "Not if you're going with me to the dance."

He was surprised, but I could tell his mind was spinning from my words. "I wasn't planning on going."

"Me neither," I lied. "But we could go together? As friends?"

He looked hesitant, but still as if he truly considered my offer. "Sure," he finally agreed. I could tell there was still some hesitancy in him, but it was more along the lines of: What did I just get myself into?

I could feel the eyes of the other remaining students on us as we eventually began to eat. We ate in silence - an awkward silence - but it was still nice. Better than nothing. And I could see the corner of Christian's lips twitching at one point as if he was trying not to smile.

The dance would certainly be a night to remember.

You like? :)

A chapter very centered on Rose & Christian; not what you expected, eh? Well, it was necessary - to pinpoint the relationships further. Hopefully I managed to do that well - did I?^^

Like I stated in the last chapter, it's getting closer to the end - and the sequel to be uploaded. I've already written quite a few scenes; like the first time Rose and Adrian meets, and some sweet Rose & Dimitri scenes... and lots more. I can't wait for you to read it! :D

chimney101; Yup, there might be an alternate version of "Shadow Kiss". It depends on how "Frostbite" turns out, but there is a high possibility of a third one since the big plot is... well, BIG - yes, with capital letters. ;)

X. KissedByADemon .X; You're very welcome! I'm very happy to hear that I manage to inspire other people! x3 And sorry for messing up your name, but FFN is stupid sometimes.

PLEASE READ!; I've gotten two review from someone called "Karen", and I have to ask: Would you have said all that to my face if you'd met me in real life? Would you say something similar to Richelle Mead if you ever got to meet her, since she makes us wait almost a year per book?
Not that I'm really comparing myself to Richelle, but nevertheless comments like that are very disrespectful. After all, I'm a real person who's taking the time to write this stuff and upload it so you can read it FOR FREE. A real person with a real life behind the computer. I appreciate all the great feedback - more than you can imagine, seriously - but comments like that... yeah, I wouldn't expect you to be happy about getting those either. If comments like that is all you wanna say, then please refrain from doing so. Just don't review at all. Thanks.

Next chapter: The dance ;)

I hope you all will have a great weekend, and I will try to get chapter 14 up asap! ;3

Please leave a lil comment before you leave! x3