Exhausted towards the end of this chapter... So let me know what you think. Thanks for the kind reviews so far!


Chapter 13

"You think Ma's mad at me?" Angel asked.

There was no reply and he turned away from the cereals in front of him to look at his brother. Bobby was staring at a box of Applejacks with a distracted look in his eye and a furrowed brow.

"Bobby," Angel insisted.

Bobby finally turned and looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "For what?"

Angel was frustrated. Bobby had obviously heard his question, and had really just chosen not to answer. That was infuriating. "For forgetting. The groceries."

"No. There's more important things."

"Yeah, but I've forgotten like a hundred things this week."

Bobby shrugged. "Well, that's you. We're all used to that."

Even if it were kind of true, Angel scowled. "Whatever." He turned back towards the cereals. "What kind do you want?"

Bobby shrugged. "I'm not here for more than the rest of the week probably. Get what you want."

"Really?" Angel turned again and eyed him carefully.

"Really what?" Bobby muttered. "Just get what you want."

"You only staying the rest of the week? That's just a few more days."

"What'd you think, I was here forever?"

"Well, I thought with Jack and all…"

"No." Bobby shook his head. "He's fine."

Angel shrugged, silent, but his expression spoke clearly.

A moment of silence passed between them as Bobby leaned his weight against the shopping cart he'd been pushing. Angel tossed a box of cereal into it.

"And Angel," Bobby began, watching his brother start to walk down the aisle. "What made you think it was a good idea to not tell anybody… When you knew Jackie was hurting himself?"

"Are you gonna start this again…?" Angel sighed.

"Yes, I'm gonna start this again." Bobby sent him a look.

Angel continued to walk down the aisle. "It's not a big deal."

"Angel," Bobby persisted, pushing their shopping cart forward and walking with it irritably. "C'mon, man. Really. Tell me you didn't think about it for just five seconds and realize something might be wrong."

"Bro, please…" Angel objected. He turned the corner and walked down towards the frozen food aisle.

"C'mon, man," Bobby persisted. "Will you stop it and walk with me? Why you walking away?"

"Because," Angel replied. He stopped in his tracks and turned around, watching Bobby approach him with a frown. "I don't like being at the grocery store."

Bobby frowned at him. "Why?"

"Because."

"Too domestic for your punk ass?" Bobby replied. When Angel turned from him again and continued down towards the next aisle, Bobby sighed and shoved the shopping cart forward, increasing his pace. He hated the grocery store too. "Angel, man. Let's talk."

"No," Angel persisted, glancing at Bobby as he caught up to him. "Because you're just going to become this Jack advocate again. I didn't do anything. I'm not the one that burned him. And he just started doing it, and I only saw him once, and that was that."

"Okay."

Angel let out a deep breath and looked at Bobby again. "That's all you say? Okay?"

"Okay," Bobby repeated. "Dude, I don't want to fight about it. I'm just worried about him."

"Yeah." Angel walked away again.

"Angel…" Bobby reached out and grabbed his brother's arm, yanking him towards him. "You wanna talk somewhere and forget this groceries thing? Because we can."

Angel shook his head. He didn't want to have to look Bobby in the eye. And walking around the store provided the perfect opportunity to have this inevitable talk while not doing just that.

"Okay." Bobby patted Angel on the chest. "Dude. What's with you and Jack? Why do you get like this when I wanna talk about him?"

Angel shook his head, studying the dirty wheels of the shopping cart. "Nothing. We live our own lives. Don't know why we gotta talk about him."

"Because something's wrong."

"Right." Angel didn't sound affected.

"He's your brother. You're his brother. You guys have to remember that."

Angel nodded. "I never said otherwise."

"Yeah. Still, Angel. All you've got is your brothers, you remember that."

"Bobby," Angel insisted. "I didn't say otherwise."

"Okay."

"Besides, I told him he was crazy," Angel said, looking at Bobby for just a second before turning to watch a girl about fifteen feet away. "For how he burned himself. He just laughed. So I figured, whatever. He always wants to try to be crazy."

"Angel, you gotta talk to him when—"

"Talk to him? What, when he does stuff like that? I talk to him. I go, hey, Jack, you wanna smoke up? And he usually says yes. So we'll fucking get high. And the drama's over. We have a great relationship."

Bobby slapped Angel upside the head without even thinking.

"Ow…" Angel complained, glaring at Bobby. "What the fuck, man?"

"What the fuck?" Bobby echoed. He cuffed Angel again, not as hard this time. "Don't tell me you smoke up your fifteen year old brother."

Angel scowled and rubbed at his head. "Dude. Whatcha so protective of him for? What if I tell you he smokes me up? Fuck you."

"Well, then I'll deal with him later."

"Whatever. You won't." Angel took a deep breath.

"Don't encourage him."

"You don't discourage him though."

"It's different."

"You know he smokes." Angel looked at him.

"Angel… That's not the point."

"And you know sometimes I do."

Bobby sighed.

"I'm not his keeper. He's not mine. You wanna talk, I'm talking. He does things that are worse than lighting his lighter. So that's why I never said anything. We don't tell Ma about every little thing we do. That's at least one thing we understand about each other."

"Angel. It's not a little thing."

"Bobby, let's just get what we need and go home." Angel froze as he felt Bobby's hand on his shoulder. Of course it wouldn't be that easy to end the conversation. He swallowed and turned to look at him. "What?"

"Don't be like that with me."

"Alright."

"I mean it," Bobby persisted.

"Alright."

"Angel."

Angel studied Bobby. "Yeah."

"You didn't know it was a big deal, fine," Bobby said. "But it is. Okay? Can you just understand that, and we can try to figure it out?"

"Okay. Why?"

"Does Mom beating herself up about it mean anything to you? Make it seem anymore important?"

Angel paused. "Why?"

"Because," Bobby sighed. "He's burning himself, Angel. How that could ever seem like nothing to you is kind of surprising to me."

Angel simply blinked. "I don't know." He shrugged. "What's Mom worried about? He's fine."

"Did he ever tell you why?"

Angel shrugged. "I don't know. I figured it's like a cheap thrill kind of thing. But he never said that."

Bobby leaned against the shopping cart. "You two talk more than I think, don't you?"

Angel shrugged again.

"He's a good kid, Angel. I'm not gonna be angry."

"I know you won't."

"Not at you either."

Angel nodded.

"So…?" Bobby asked.

"I got nothing to say," Angel answered. "Seriously. We don't really talk. Least not about his reasons for doing anything."

"Neither of you explain anything," Bobby sighed. "Neither of you. You're impossible. Both of you."

Angel just made a face. "Bobby."

"You guys never tell me anything. I come back, and you both have drama, and neither of you want to say anything."

"C'mon, Bobby."

"Seriously. No matter how many times I save your ass, and his, neither of you tell me anything."

"Yeah, we do."

"Nothing important."

"Dude, as far as I can tell, he tells you everything."

"Yeah." Bobby rolled his eyes. "Right."

Angel paused. "Did you tell him you're leaving in just a few days?"

"He knows I'm leaving."

"Are you sure? Does he know when?"

Bobby shrugged. "Shouldn't be a surprise."

"You know how he gets when you leave. He can't handle things changing, Bobby. And people going in and out."

"Since when do you care what he feels like?"

Angel made a face. "Don't be like that."

Bobby shook his head. "He can handle me leaving."

"You say that because you're not here to see him when you've left. He gets in this funk anytime someone goes."

Bobby shrugged. "As flattering as that is, he knew I wasn't coming home for good."

"That's kinda selfish."

"Me?" Bobby raised his eyebrows. "Selfish of me?"

"Yeah…" Angel said slowly. "You didn't tell him. And now he's messed up and you're just gonna go."

"Didn't tell him what?" Bobby persisted. "Everyone knows I was home just a little bit."

"You didn't tell me."

Bobby gave him a look. "Angel. How long you think I was staying?"

Angel shrugged. "I dunno. A little longer."

Bobby shook his head. "The end of this week. Maybe a little more. That's it."

His younger brother shrugged, a disappointed look on his face. "Alright. Whatever. It's your plans. Just tell Jack before you leave, okay?"

"Course I will. I've never just left without telling him."

Angel shrugged again.

Bobby frowned. "Have I?"

"No," Angel admitted. "It's just not always expected."

"I've always told you. Both of you," Bobby insisted.

Angel nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"You just saying that?"

"No."

"Because," Bobby persisted. "I've never left you. Either of you. Ever." He eyed Angel carefully. "You know that."

Angel nodded. "I didn't mean it that way."

"Does he think that too?"

"I…. I don't know."

"Do you really not know, or you just don't want me to get upset?"

"I really don't know," Angel insisted, rolling his eyes at Bobby.

"Well, it's a big deal otherwise. Not that there's not already something that's a huge deal."

"Bobby, you're insane."

"No, Ang, it's serious… Is it a big deal?"

"Bobby… NO. No, it's not a big deal."

"Alright. I'll believe you for now." Bobby paused. "Where do you buy it from?"

"Huh?"

"When you smoke. Where do you get it from?"

Angel gave him a look, perturbed they were back on that subject.

"Who, Angel?" Bobby insisted.

"I don't know. Here and there."

"Anyone I know?"

Angel eyed him suspiciously. "No."

"Because if—"

"Ask Jack. He usually buys." Angel shook his head. "Besides, it's harmless."

"Why do you let him buy?"

Angel shrugged. "I buy sometimes."

"Angel, he's fifteen, why are you—"

"He's his own person."

"Yeah, but sometimes you gotta look out for people. Especially when that person's your little brother."

"Bobby, as much as he acts it, he's no baby."

"Still, don't encourage stupid things, how about that?"

Angel muttered under his breath. Then he looked up at Bobby with a frown on his face. "Hey. Uh, by the way, should it come up… I told Ma I don't smoke that stuff anymore. I don't know if she knows about Jack."

"Oh, Angel…" Bobby rolled his eyes. "I bet she knows anyway. She might as well be a mind reader."

"No, I swore to her…" Angel replied slowly. "She asked me about it not long ago."

"Well, then she knew you were lying. And that's kinda worse."

"No, I think she bought it."

"You can't be serious."

Angel shrugged. "It seemed like she bought it. So I'm just saying… She brings it up or asks you or whatever, just say you have no idea or something. She hates the idea of it."

"She just hates the idea that it's illegal… And you don't have much luck with not getting caught doing things. Well, it's more than that, but…"

"Yeah, well, it's really not a big deal. Almost everyone I know smokes."

"Angel, that's not—" Bobby cut himself off. "You know what… Let's just not bother… I'm not gonna fight you now about it."

"Yeah, well, good I guess. Just don't bring it up to Ma."

"What else does Jack do?"

Angel looked puzzled. "Do? What's that mean?"

"I know he smokes. What else does he do?"

"Again, I'm not his keeper."

"Angel, I'm trying to figure out what goes on with him. And since you knew about him and… And the burning… I just want to know what else there might be."

"If he wants you to know then he'll tell you himself."

"Angel."

"Seriously. Since when does everyone squeal on everybody in this family?"

"So there is something else?"

"Well, I don't know. I don't think so," Angel admitted. "Far as I know I guess. I don't really know what you're looking for. What's he do? I mean, you already know what he does. A little weed. I know sometimes some pills… Nothing serious."

"Why's he always fuck himself up…?" Bobby muttered.

Angel shrugged. "He doesn't really. He's just your average teenager."

Bobby shook his head but didn't bother to disagree. He didn't feel like arguing with Angel or discussing their varying degrees of beliefs about right and wrong. He wanted simply to find out what else was going on with Jack.

"Do you have Ma's list?" Bobby asked. "For the rest of the stuff we're supposed to get?"

Angel nodded, relieved to be back to the task at hand. "Yeah. We're almost done."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

At home, Bobby left Angel in the kitchen to unpack the groceries. Angel took a deep breath and rolled his eyes when Bobby set his bags on the counter and said he wanted to check on Jack and that Angel could put everything away, but there was nothing he could really say. Ma was standing right there by the stove, and Angel didn't feel like bitching in front of her about the groceries he'd forgotten to get, and at the same time Bobby was giving him that look that could only be described as Bobby. It was the look you didn't quite fight.

So with a sigh, Angel turned to putting away the groceries and Bobby walked out of the kitchen.

Slowly, Bobby pushed the door to his bedroom open, wincing as it creaked just slightly. He slipped into the darkened room and eyed his bed, where Jack was sprawled flat on his stomach, looking like he had simply dragged himself into the room, collapsed on the bed, and fallen back asleep instantly.

He had no intention of waking Jack, but he approached the bed anyway, eyeing the sneakers that Jack had neglected to take off before digging them into his comforter. He reached down and tried to undo the laces of the one closest to him, but it was slightly more difficult to be gentle with Jack lying on his belly, which made the bottom soles of the sneakers face up.

Jack stirred a little bit and Bobby paused. He studied his face for a moment though and found him still peacefully asleep. He resumed getting the sneakers off, managing to loosen the laces enough to pull one off. With a bit more of a reach, he did the same with the other.

Leaving the sneakers on the floor, Bobby looked at his brother for one more moment before leaving his room, satisfied he was still out cold, and closing the door behind him.

Next he walked through the family room, hearing Angel and Evelyn talking in the kitchen, and headed for the stairs. He took two at a time and reached the landing within several seconds.

Jack's bedroom door was ajar.

Bobby entered slowly, feeling a little bit weird about sneaking around like this. He'd been in this room so many times before, but never purposefully without Jack.

He'd been in there with Jack plenty of times. To talk to him, to wake him up, to force him to sleep, to look for him, or for a million other reasons.

Never had he come in a hundred percent sure Jack wasn't there. Sometimes he would think Jack wasn't in there but then find him, hidden somewhere. Jack always used to hide, sometimes out of a senseless fear, and sometimes for seemingly no reason at all.

He still hid parts of himself, but Jack was now too big to hide like he used to.

First, Bobby just stood there in the middle of the room and looked around. It was a typical fifteen year old's room, with clothes on the floor, and a couple plates on the dresser, an unmade bed, some unopened schoolbooks on the ground, and a variety of other disorganizations.

The closet door was open and he walked over, looking in there first. He stared at the shirts hanging there, most wrinkled, and then down at the floor at more dirty laundry and a couple pairs of shoes. He eyed a Zeppelin shirt that Jack would wear for days at a time and sighed.

Bobby wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for. He just had this urge to find something. Some reason. Some sign of something.

The dresser was next. He opened the top drawer, looking in at the socks and boxers with some apathy and some interest. He was starting to think he wouldn't find anything at all, even though he hadn't really even looked yet. He pushed a few socks aside and saw nothing.

The other drawers were filled with random clothing as well. He found ten dollars in the back pocket of a pair of jeans and took it, slipping it into his own pocket. Jack had stolen money from him, he would return the favor.

He moved onto the night table by Jack's bed, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress as he pulled open its drawer.

He picked up a bottle of Tylenol sitting next to a flashlight and a pen, and shook it slightly, hearing pills rattle inside. He uncapped it and looked in at the pills, only half surprised to find a variety of different colored pills instead of the typical Tylenol one might expect in a Tylenol bottle.

He squinted in at the ones at the top, seeing letters and numbers on them. Random prescription pills.

He wasn't sure exactly how to feel about it, considering he already knew that Jack took random things. It was more the reason for it that he needed to know. There was some curiosity as to where he got this stuff, but Bobby was no stranger himself to the variety of things you could find in a high school hallway or bathroom.

He put the cap back on the bottle and slid it into his pocket with a frown. He considered leaving it there, but felt more comfortable just taking it.

Picking up a small book that was in the back of the drawer, he flipped it open. Initially, he was more impressed than anything else to find the pages hollowed out in the middle, creating a little concave section, in which a small bag fit.

Bobby picked up the bag, eyeing the clumps of green leaves and rolling his eyes at the distinctive odor coming from the bag as he raised it towards his nose.

"Nice, Jack," he said under his breath. He dropped the hollowed out book back into the drawer and slid the bag into his pocket. "Clever and stupid."

He glanced behind himself on the bed as he sat up. There was a pack of cigarettes on the shelf. Next to it was small, thin pack of something. He reached for it and eyed the brand and title on it. Rolling papers. Cherry flavored.

"Cherry…" Bobby smirked. "Fucking fairy."

He wasn't exactly sure why he wasn't more mad. Part of his mind told him he should go downstairs, wake up Jack, and beat his ass. But he hadn't learned anything in the past ten minutes that he didn't already know about or suspect. And confirming his beliefs didn't really change anything or make him feel any different. Getting angry now would probably only get him tears from Jack, and definitely not answers. He definitely wasn't in the mood for tears. And besides, the kid needed to sleep.

He eyed Jack's guitar, leaning against the wall in the corner, as he got up off the bed. Jack's little passion.

He heard someone coming up the stairs and froze. He looked so guilty and realized it immediately. Snooping around Jack's room like this… He walked towards the doorway and found himself face to face with Evelyn.

"I thought I heard you come upstairs," she said, giving him a frown. "Dinner's almost ready, okay?"

He nodded, leaning against the doorway. He felt as though should Evelyn glance down she could see straight through into his pockets into the contraband he'd discovered. "Sure."

Then she asked the inevitable. "What are you doing in Jack's room, honey?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Well, he's in my room, so I, uh…" He trailed off as she got a skeptical look on her face. "He owed me money. From yesterday before school. So… Remember how he—"

"What are you snooping for?"

"I'm not snooping," he objected.

"Bobby…"

"Do you ever snoop?"

"What are you doing?" she asked with a sigh. "What are you looking for?"

"Nothing. My twenty bucks." He pushed away from the doorway. "So dinner? Want me to set the table?"

"Honey…" She paused. "Are you upset about something? What'd you find?"

Bobby shook his head. He would have the real conversation with her another time. "Lots of porn, Ma. Gay porn. And condoms." He walked around her and headed back down the stairs.

"Bobby, you stop with jokes like that," she called after him as he walked down the stairs. She frowned at Jack's now empty room and sighed. "Honey?"

"Yeah?" He stopped halfway down the stairwell and looked up at her.

"Wake him up for dinner."

"Alright."

Bobby shook his head the rest of the way down the stairs, reminding himself of how much of an idiot he was. He made is way back across the family room and to his own bedroom with a sigh, opening the door not so quietly this time. After all, the point was to wake him up.

He flipped on the light switch and walked over to the bed. Jack was in the same exact sprawled out position he'd left him in before.

"Hey, Jack." He neared the bed and when close enough, raised his hand to bring a loud slap down across the seat of Jack's jeans. "Wake up." He did it again. "Rise and shine."

With a grunt, Jack rolled over, squinting up at Bobby with a scowl. "Wha…"

"Dinner."

"Dinner?" Jack echoed, frowning.

"Yeah, sleepy. Dinner. C'mon."

Jack yawned and looked around him, confused. "Why am I… It's your room…"

"Yeah. It'll come back to you." Bobby patted his leg. "Sit up."

Slowly, Jack edged himself up, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm not hungry."

"Well, Ma wants to feed you anyway." Bobby sat down on the edge of the bed. He studied his brother for a moment. "How you feel?"

Jack shrugged. "I need a smoke…" he said tiredly.

They were quiet for a minute, and Bobby felt like Jack would fall asleep again any minute. He studied his brother and realized how mysterious and complicated he was, and finally cracked, taking a deep breath. "Okay, this is the total wrong time to do this, but I need to do it."

Jack eyed him nervously. "Huh?"

Bobby hesitated, but then reached into his pocket, continuing his trend of being an idiot and having poor timing, and pulled out what he'd found in Jack's room, dropping it on the bed between them.

There was no way he could have simply sat at the kitchen table with it in his pockets without thinking about it constantly.

Jack stared at it for a moment. At the small bag of weed and the bottle of 'Tylenol'. "What's that…?"

"You wanna lie?"

"Lie about what?."

"Why are you acting like you have no idea?"

Jack frowned, pressing his lips together nervously. He suddenly felt a pang of something, but he couldn't place what. "It's not…"

"Not yours? But it is. And I'm sure there's more," Bobby persisted. "Look at me."

Jack shook his head.

"Jack." Bobby patted Jack's leg again, but this time Jack stiffened. "Look at me."

Jack swallowed, shaking his head again. "Don't do this."

"Am I yelling?" Bobby asked. "No. I'm not even mad. Why won't you look at me."

Jack rubbed at his eyes again, taking a deep breath. "I can't do this now."

"We don't have to do anything now." Bobby sighed. "I want you to tell me that we'll talk about this—" He gestured at the drugs, "—and this." He reached out and grabbed Jack's arm, twisting it to reveal his scarred skin again. "Can't you just tell me we can talk? Make me feel better?"

"Why am I in your room?" Jack asked, voice shaking a bit.

"Because," Bobby answered softly. "You were tired and downstairs."

"That was yesterday."

"No, it was earlier today."

"Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not." Bobby pulled at Jack's arm again, trying to pull him towards him, but Jack resisted. "Why can't I touch you, Jack? Aren't we beyond that?"

"Don't." Jack wrenched his arm away, continuing to stare at the bag and bottle on the bed. "Were you in my room?"

"Yeah," Bobby admitted.

"Why?" Finally Jack looked up, a flash of sparkling eyes, and then away again.

"Because," Bobby replied. "Besides, you've gone through my room."

"No." Jack shook his head.

"Right." Bobby rolled his eyes. "At least I'm admitting it."

Jack was quiet.

"My point is…" Bobby persisted slowly, "…and I do have a point. You don't need to talk to me. You can talk to Mom. You can talk to somebody else. But you have to control yourself." He watched Jack stifle another yawn and sighed. "This is a terrible time to bring it up. You're still exhausted. It's just… I just needed to. Don't fuck yourself up for no reason. I'm not coming home to see you do that."

Jack pulled the pillow from the bed onto his lap, hugging it gently against his chest. He wanted to go back to sleep. Forever.

Bobby thought back on his conversation with Angel, struggling to put sense to his words. "Jackie. We can drop it for now. But I have another question."

Jack glanced at him.

"Do you…" Bobby started slowly, "…feel like I ever just leave?"

Jack shrugged.

"Answer," Bobby insisted. He shifted closer to his brother.

"You always leave," Jack answered. "Eventually."

"I've always told you though. When I'm leaving and how long I'm staying? I've never just left without that."

"I don't remember."

"No, it's important to me to know." When Jack didn't answer, Bobby continued. "For instance, I'm probably only in town for a couple more days."

Jack's eyes flashed up at him, a look of surprise on his face, and then it was gone, replaced with an unclear sulk. "Okay."

Bobby paused, taken back by Jack's response just like he had been by Angel's. "Is that too soon?"

"Whenever you need to go," Jack responded in his typically distracted tone. "Then go. I guess."

"You want me to stay longer?"

"No. Whatever."

"No? Okay." Bobby exhaled. "Fine. I won't. You want me to leave tomorrow? What if I decide to do that instead?"

Jack looked up at him and then his chin quivered a little bit. "No… Bobby, don't." His voice trembled just slightly. "Are you?"

"No. I won't," Bobby answered.

Jack nodded, breathing out deeply and hugging the pillow closer to his chest.

A moment of silence passed but then there was a knock at the door. Bobby looked up and saw Angel standing there.

"Dinner," Angel said.

Bobby nodded, watching Angel disappear and getting up from the bed. He took the pills and baggy from the bed and opened his own nightstand drawer, dropping it in there.

"Bobby… Would you wanna smoke it…?" Jack asked hesitantly. "Maybe?"

"I'm not really a big fan of it," Bobby answered. "Let's go eat."

"Angels says you used to."

"Don't listen to Angel, you dumbass." Bobby gestured him off the bed. "C'mon."

Jack slid off the bed slowly, and Bobby started for the door. Jack hesitated, standing close to the nightstand and looking at the drawer, tempted. He wondered if Bobby had taken it away from him permanently.

"Jack," Bobby said sharply.

Jack nearly jumped at the break in his thoughts and glanced back at Bobby in the doorway.

"Don't," Bobby insisted. "Come on."

Jack acquiesced and followed him out the door.

He still felt like he was part of the Twilight Zone…

oooooooooooooooo