Groaning, Raphael rubs his sleep deprived eyes in frustration. He squints and looks over to his alarm clock next to his hammock. It flashes red throughout the room, the only light shining hurting Raph's tired eyes as he peeks at the time. Great, its 3:37 in the morning!
Another sleepless night.
He has been tossing and turning in the darkness for what feels like ages, and even though he feels like he could knock out stone cold his growing pains are refusing to let his body actually relax and get a good nights rest. The tired eleven year old lets out a big yawn and reaches over to turn on the lamp next to his right on his nightstand, wincing from the bright light in his sleepy eyes.
How does he always know his age? Its not an exact time period when he ages like how normal mutants and humans age yearly, it just happens randomly. And the only way Raph knows how old he currently is, is by all the memories he gets. The memories seem to be going in order. Sometimes they even go by what he is touching, or the weather. Anything triggers them these days. And lately the main thing giving him flashbacks is a certain turtle.
Leonardo.
Raph can't help the growl that escapes his throat just thinking about it. He is in almost every flashback! And every time Raph gets a tingly feeling in his gut.
Why do I gotta be so messed up? I'm not even fifteen years old and society would really hate me if they found me. But on the bright side I would probably make the headlines and be famous. 'Mutant Ninja Turtle Freak in Love with His Older Brother!' Raph chuckles just thinking about it. Man things would be so much easier if he just thought of Leo as a brother. He has tried avoiding Leo, tried arguing with him, shutting everyone out by letting off steam on the punching bag, and even locked himself in his room for a whole day! But its like Leo already knows that Raph has feelings towards him in a non-brotherly way! The guy has been EXTREEMLY nice and happy towards Raph for the past week as if he knew this was going to happen.
Maybe he knows that this is going to happen because it already did happen before?
Raph's left calf muscle throbs as the emerald turtle swings his legs off the side of his swinging bed. Growing pains suck. Overly thinking about Leo all the time sucks. Not being able to sleep at night sucks. Dammit why does being eleven years old overall just suck?!
Something tells the hothead that it only gets worse from here. And with all the weird shit going on right now, he totally believes it to.
His green eyes travel around his bedroom. On the floor there is dusty dumbbells, a can of bug spray, what looks like empty root beer bottles, and his gear from earlier once he climbed in bed. He hasn't looked around his room before. Well since the incident that is. This room has clues to what he will be, what he will grow into.
Since he isn't getting any sleep anytime soon Raph hops out of his hammock and sits on the floor, peeking under the swinging bed to see what is underneath it. His hands find a brown box, it seems to have lots of items in it considering how heavy it is as the turtle slides it out from its hiding spot.
Inside the old ripped cardboard Raph finds some interesting items. The first thing he lays his eyes on is a motorcycle magazine. Oh boy wouldn't it be cool to own one of these babies? He'd love to feel his legs straddling the seat and the breeze of New York on his shell. He is smiling just thinking about it. Ahh a turtle can dream.
Tossing the Harley Davidson magazine aside, Raph finds another magazine. But instead of Motorcycles, he finds something completely different. Why would he want to look at this?! All these chicks are naked! Sticking his tongue out in disgust, he finds himself tossing that aside as well.
What he finds next is something he never thought he'd find in this room. Why would he own one of these? Grabbing onto the hard spine of the red book, Raph picks up what looks like his journal. There is no way in shell I'd actually write in this shit. It must have been a gift from Donnie or something. Sliding his hand over the rough cover, the eleven year old flips it open and is surprised to see his own chicken scratch writing written on the page.
Hmm guess I did write in this shit. I can be such a pansy sometimes! God I hate that about myself. Raph shakes his head in annoyance and decides to read his first entry.
Oh God I cannot believe I'm actually writin' in this thing. I can be such a pansy sometimes! Dammit I hate that about myself. Anyways, Raph here. Master Splinter gave each of us one of these 'diary's' to help us with these soon to be 'strong urges' we will be having. And then he had Donnie teach us about our bodies and God that was the most awkwardest thing in my eleven years of life! I was sittin' right next ta Leo to! Then he busted out of the room like a madman! What was that even about? Really out of character for him if ya ask me.
Leo has been acting weirder than usual, especially after Don's little lesson today. He locked himself up in his room and has been in there ever since! I tried talkin' to him but he wont let me in. God he can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. A beautiful pain in the ass. Agh dammit I'm done writing in here.
Well I guess that's all for today. Wouldn't be surprised if I never write in here again.
- RAPH
So I really did have a thing for Fearless huh?
Raph grabs his pillow off of his hammock and leans it against the wall soon followed by his shell. He crosses his legs to get comfortable and places the book back on his lap. He runs his thumb over the black ink written on the page feeling each letter. This book holds the keys to all his questions, and all he has to do is read it.
His hands start to shake and he gets a similar feeling in his gut before he drops the book onto the floor.
"Kneel, my sons." Sensei commands and stands before us as we all kneel on the mats in front of us, each of us still panting from practice. Master Splinter did not go easy on us at all today. We didn't do anything wrong yesterday, I at least don't think we did..
"Leonardo, focus more on your spiritual connection during meditation. I could sense something was bothering you today, I am always here to talk to my son." Splinter says while casually stroking his beard. To Raph's right, Leo ducks his head low in embarrassment. "Hai Sensei."
Well that was weird. Normally Leo takes his feedback more confidently, always ready to improve. Looks like Splinter hit a nerve this time. Something must really be going on with Leo if he is blushing this much.
"Donatello, after the events we have planned for today, I want you to practice more with your bo. We will be taking your skills to the next level." Raph glances over to Donnie on the other side of Mikey. He has a small smile on his lips and a gleam in his eye as he bows his head. "Hai, Sensei."
It's always a treat when Master Splinter does extra training only on one of us, especially with our weapons. It means we are improving, that we have mastered a certain level of our abilities and we are ready to learn more. But what was Splinter talking about? What events does he have planned for today?
"Michelangelo, you have more skills than you know my son. Practice was hardest for you today, but do not be afraid to push yourself. In doing so, you will see how far your limits go. Rest this evening and strengthen your muscles, tomorrows training will be as hard as todays." Raph thought he heard a small groan coming from his little brother, but no one else seemed to notice so he decided to just ignore it. "Hai Sensei." Mikey respectfully bows.
"And Raphael, never let your guard down even when it looks like the battle is over." Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. That was pretty embarrassing. "Overconfidence is the most dangerous form of carelessness." Raph ducks his head low, looking at Splinter's toes poking out from underneath his robe. "Hai Sensei." The hothead grumbles.
Just because he kicked Mikey in the plastron knocking the sea green turtle down, making it look like he won and gloating a little too soon, doesn't mean he was overconfident! Technically he won, until Mikey decided to get up after Raph turned his shell to him and pin him from behind.
"Practice only gets harder from here my sons. If it doesn't challenge you, it wont change you. Success doesn't happen overnight, you must work hard to become the ninja you all will become. You are all growing up and flowering into manhood. Soon you will feel really powerful urges, but you cannot let it overcome you." Splinter pulls out four books from his robe, and hands the blue one to Leo, purple one to Donnie, orange to Mike, and red to me. How the shit did he fit all of these in his pocket?
My hand rubs the hard red cover before flipping it open to find blank pages. "A journal?"
"No, a diary! I've always wanted a diary!" Mikey cheers hugging his orange book close to his plastron.
"Call it what you want, it is to help you as you go through this journey. Record your thoughts and experiences while you still remember them for soon they will just become nothing but memories. Now, I have asked Donatello to teach you a very important lesson. I expect you all to give him the same respect you would give me if I were the teacher. If I hear you did not give your bother the respect he deserves, there will be a punishment." Sensei says sternly and turns his attention over to Donnie. "Go ahead, my son." And with that Splinter exits the dojo and enters his room, closing the door behind him.
"What the shell is goin' on Donnie?" Raph growls and stands up on his sore legs.
"Come on, lets go in my room." The purple banded turtle leads the way to his messy room as we all follow unwillingly.
"So dad is letting you teach us something this time, huh D?" Mikey's voice chirps from behind me as we make our way into Donnie's room.
"Well, he said it would be more comfortable for you guys to learn this from me than him, so yeah I guess." Donnie shrugs, cheeks a little pink.
"Something tells me I'm not going to like this lesson." Leo mumbles.
Donnie makes his way to his desk and pulls out a clipboard filled with a huge stack of papers. "Your going to want to sit down for this, it might take a while. And the quieter you all are for this, the faster it will go, so remember that."
Mikey sits down on Donnie's bed next to where his pillow is, and Leo sits next to Mikey with Raph on the foot of the bed. Leo and Raph both look very uneasy about this, and Mikey is still to into his new diary to care what is going on.
Donnie takes the silence as cue for his time to shine. Taking a deep breath, he decides to begin. "Do any of you know what puberty is?"
Leo's eyes widen as he shifts uncomfortably on the bed, Raph sighs and leans his shell on the wall behind him and Mikey stares in confusion. "Puber what now?"
"Puberty is the period during which adolescents reach sexual maturity and become capable of reproduction." Donnie starts and slides his computer chair out and sits down on it making himself comfortable, well as comfortable as you can get in this situation.
Mikey blinks, still confused as he puts his diary down on the bed next to his knee. "Umm, can you say that again for me but this time in English?"
Leo groans and leans against the wall next to Raph, his cheeks pink. Sighing, Donnie was about to talk but Raph beat him to it. "Your hormones are gonna go crazy and your body is gonna grow."
"Yes, hormones that were hibernating suddenly awaken and signal your body to enter puberty." Donnie nods in agreement with Raphael.
"Ohhh so it's nothing new than right? Puberty is just like how we have all gotten taller and stuff! I get it now! But why do we need to learn about this?" Mikey's innocent blue eyes question as he looks over at Donnie for an explanation. Leo rubs his head with his hand in frustration.
Donnie takes a deep breath in before explaining this, man this might be harder than he thought. "Well no Mikey, this is different. Soon your body is going to change. Your voice will get deeper-"
Mikey interrupts. "Whaaaaaat?! Why?! I like my voice now what's wrong with it?!"
"- and your penis is going to grow,-"
"My WHAT is going to do WHAT now?!" Mikey's high voice gasps and covers his already hidden pouch with both his hands.
Tired of being interrupted, Donnie takes another deep breath before continuing on. "Your body will be maturing Mikey. This will make you have sexual desires with your hormones all over the place. Most humans experience mood swings, and they tend to feel more aggressive. But since we are turtles, we have an even bigger problem." Raph can't help but chuckle at that, making Leo elbow him in the arm.
"What could be worse than that?!" Mikey asks and grabs his orange book off the bed to hug it to his plastron.
"Mating season."
"Oh God, please don't tell me your going to discuss this to?" Leo groans feeling extremely uncomfortable.
"Sorry Leo, but Sensei says I have to cover everything. Trust me this isn't fun for me either." Donnie sighs and flips through the stack of papers on his clipboard. "Since Mikey is freaking out, I'll just dim down the graphic details. But basically most animals mate as much as they can all throughout the time period of mating season. I'm not exactly sure if it will be effecting us since we are all males and there aren't any females around plus we are mutated, but just to be safe when spring comes around this year, please stay in your rooms unless you feel you can control yourselves."
"So we are going to turn into complete savage animals?!" Mikey cant help the tears rolling down his cheeks. This is all to much for him to take in.
"Well more like sex animals. A savage is a uncontrolled and violent animal. Non of us are really violent, well except Raph but he wont hurt anybody." Donnie mumbles and Raph snorts.
"Wait, I thought we were talking about mating not sex!" Mikey sniffs and looks at Donnie confused.
"Oh my- Donnie, you wanna explain to him first then tell us the rest of the lesson later? Or are we done here? Cuz I'm losin' my damn mind right now." Raph growls in annoyance and stands up off the bed.
"Dad doesn't like it when you use swear words Raph!" The orange clad turtle crosses his arms over his plastron. "And its not my fault! Not everybody has dirty minds like you do! Leo is like me, this is all new to him to! Right Leo?" Mikey turns to Leo ready for him to back him up, but when the blue masked turtle stays silent and his cheeks turn a darker shade of pink, Mikey cant help but gasp. "Not you to!"
Leo suddenly stands up off the bed in anger. "I cant do this anymore! I don't care if Sensei punishes me, sorry Donnie but I'm done!" Leo storms out of the bedroom and they all flinch when they hear his door slam shut.
Leo isn't one to get angry like that. Something really must be wrong like Master Splinter said earlier. Raph cant help this feeling of betrayal in his stomach. Leo tells him everything! Why hasn't he come up and told him what the problem is?
Suddenly the anger Raph felt earlier is back. "I'm done to." He growls and exits the room as well, red journal in hand.
Hissing, Raph grabs his throbbing temple with his hands and tries to massage it. "Dammit!" He mumbles to himself. This has been happening recently, some flashbacks are so strong that they have been having side effects. He probably should tell Donnie about this.
As much as he wants to continue reading his journal, he doesn't want to chance the side effects to get worse in case he has anymore flashbacks as he is reading it, so he sets the book aside and climbs back in his hammock hoping he'll at least get an hour or two of sleep tonight.
A/N: Journal entries will always be in BOLD (:
Tokka vs The World inspired me so much to update this story! Ahh I'm so happy the show is back on! I am writing this story in the 2012 version, but you are all welcome to imagine any version you want.
Poor Mikey in this chapter! He is too innocent for this world!