All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers - twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

Learning to Live

Chapter Thirteen

"I can't … I'm not ready …" Edward trailed off. "I'm sorry Bella. Why is it the one thing you ask, I can't give you?"

Edward's voice sounded pained as my brain tried to wrap around the fact that I'd mentioned his scars. Even after seeing them I hadn't mentioned them, so why was it after a few glasses of wine that my verbal filter went out the window? I did the one thing I never wanted to do – bring up the subject of his scars. Maybe it was the fact that I saw Edward's pictures in the hallway of Esme's house again – the ones where he was smiling brilliantly and there was no signs of the scars that marred his tanned skin.

I felt like a shit.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I …."

"Please don't, Bella. I don't want you to feel sorry for me or to feel sorry that you asked. I should have known that you'd ask eventually. Everybody does."

It took me a moment to realize that we had pulled up in front of my house.

"I should get you inside. It'll be cold tonight. I hope you left the heat up."

Edward stepped out the truck and came around to help me out of the passenger side. He walked me up to the front door and stood protectively to the side to block the wind. Once I'd unlocked the door and begun to push it open, I started to invite Edward inside, but he abruptly cut me off, saying that he should get going.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Night, Edward."

There was no mention of seeing him tomorrow. The mere thought of not seeing him the following night made my heart ache.

"So … we'll pick you up around seven again?"

"Sure, Alice. Sounds good. Hey … have you talked to Edward today?"

"No, I sure haven't, honey. I've been at work since four this morning and Jazzy's been on shift since midnight covering for his buddy."

"Oh …. Is Jazz not coming with us tonight?"

"Sadly no. But that's okay. It works out better because he was supposed to be at work early tomorrow anyway. This way, he'll get off at midnight and go home to sleep a few hours before he has to head back in to work."

Jasper was a firefighter and usually worked 24 hour shifts, but when he took on his friend's shift, it made for some crazy hours.

Thinking my friend needed a little pick-me-up since she still had a few hours left of her shift, I headed down to Java Stop to get Alice a latte. I made it to the front of the line when I heard a familiar voice behind me. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward chatting with one of the waitresses clearing the tables.

"Out shopping today, Edward?" I heard the girl ask him.

"No. I've been getting ready to head out of town for a few days."

A gasp escaped from my lips and I turned quickly to grab the coffees I'd ordered. As soon as the cups were in my hands, I fled from the coffee shop, not wanting to overhear anymore.

"Bella!" I heard from behind me.

I kept walking.

"Bella!"

Edward's voice kept getting closer and closer.

"Bella, stop, please."

I turned to see Edward, his chest heaving and looking a little out of breath.

"Where are you so … determined to run off to?"

"I could ask you the same question, Edward. Were you going to tell me that you're planning on leaving or were you going to leave your dirty work to your family?"

"No. Bella … no. I guess I didn't think about it because I leave every year at the same time. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I wouldn't dream of standing you all up tonight. Alice probably didn't mention it because she didn't think it was her place to. I got so caught up in my own shit that I didn't think twice that you didn't know, Bella. I'm sorry."

"So you're not leaving because of last night?"

Edward sighed.

"Yes and … no. My leaving has nothing to do with you, Bella. Please believe that. I like you a lot, and I care for you. I'd be lying if I said that you asking about my … scars," he swallowed heavily, "didn't dreg up things I'm not ready to talk about, but you have to know that it's nothing to do with you specifically, beautiful girl."

As he spoke, Edward moved closer and closer toward me. His voice grew softer and softer the closer he came. His last words were but a whisper on his lips, but it was the look in his eyes that did me in. They were vibrant, clear and completely focused on me. I carefully tucked one of the coffees into my elbow and reached out to cup his handsome face, my thumb gently caressing the stubble that was absent the day before. He'd never been more handsome to me than in that moment. He looked at me like I'd disappear if he breathed – like a dandelion, the fuzz scattering in the wind. Edward leaned into my touch, closing his eyes at the contact.

I hated that I couldn't see his eyes anymore, it felt as though he were closing himself off to me again.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Bella …" Edward breathed. "Tell me you care for me enough to want me to stay."

The hurt and longing in his voice nearly knocked me off my feet. Having this particular conversation on the sidewalk in the middle of town wasn't exactly the ideal spot for it to take place, but I had to take what I could get from him and if he wanted me to declare in front of God and everyone that I had feelings for him at all, it's the least that I could do after my verbal vomit the previous night.

"Oh, Edward …"

"Please," he begged.

"I have no right to ask you to stay, Edward."

No sooner were the words out of my mouth than Edward began to pull away from me.

"Edward … you didn't let me finish, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't understand that you need to get away for whatever reason, especially when I've done the same thing."

"So you understand but you still don't want me to stay?"

Edward's voice was full of hurt, but I didn't think that asking him to stay would change things. If he needed to go to get away and gather the courage to tell me about his scars or even to merely clear his head – maybe it was for the best.

"Edward … I could beg you to stay, but my feelings wouldn't negate the fact that you need to go."

"If you ask me to stay, I will, Bella."

"I can't ask you to stay, Edward. I may not fully understand why you need to go, but I know why I needed to go when I had to get away. If your reasons are anything like mine, you need to go and make peace with yourself and whatever else is weighing on your mind. I'll be here when you get back."

"You will?"

"Absolutely." I nodded. "I want you to come back, Edward."

"Come with me," he whispered.

"Edward … I can't do that. You need some time for you. If you want me to come in a few days to visit, I will. All you have to do is call. I should … get going. I got coffee for Alice."

"Oh! God, sorry, Bella."

"It's okay – it's a lot, but it's okay."

"Can we talk later?"

"Absolutely."

I reached up on tip-toes and gently placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Can I pick you up tonight?"

"Of course." I smiled.

"Good. See you at seven, beautiful."

Reluctant to let him go, I said goodbye and walked to my truck as Edward headed in the opposite direction. My mind was still reeling from the strange conversation with Edward but I headed to see Alice anyway, knowing that she could brighten my mood even if it was only temporary.

"Bella! Oh my God! You brought me a latte, I love you!"

"Well, I thought you might need it."

"Ugh! I do. It's been a crazy, busy day."

"Are you sure you're up to going out tonight?"

"Definitely! I wouldn't miss it for the world. I need a night out. Besides, I'm off tomorrow. I can sleep in and have a lazy day while Jazzy's at work."

"I feel bad that he can't make it."

"Don't feel bad, Bella. It happens. Next time we'll plan it so he can go."

I nodded.

"Hey, I ran into Edward while I was getting your coffee. I guess he's getting ready to take off for a few days?"

"Yeah, he goes to his cabin in Aspen for a week. Edward goes every year after Thanksgiving. It gives him a chance to check on his place and just … get away."

I wanted to ask Alice what Edward needed to get away from, but I thought it would be better to get the answer from Edward himself.

"I gotta get back to work, but thanks for the coffee. You're a lifesaver!"

I hugged Alice quickly and laughed as she skipped off, her coffee in hand.

Later that evening, I was ready to go well before seven. After leaving Alice, I went home and pulled out all my Christmas decorations. I'd have to go buy a tree, but that was okay – choosing a tree was one of my favorite things about Christmas. I was finishing putting some evergreen on the mantle when Edward knocked on the door.

"Hey." Edward smiled.

"Hey. Come on in. I'm ready. I just need to grab my coat."

I turned to the coat closet beneath the stairs and pulled out my coat and scarf. As I wrapped my scarf around myself, I looked over to see Edward looking at the photos on the piano. I'd changed some of them since he'd been here last, and I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

"You need a tree in here," he said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm. It would look great in front of that window."

"Maybe … but I was planning on putting the tree in the family room. I spend more time in there than I do in here."

"You could have two, ya know."

"We'll see. Ready?"

We locked up and headed to meet Alice, Emmett and Rosalie. They were already seated by the time we arrived, so we took our seats across from each other. We ordered quickly and launched into a lively conversation.

After dinner, Rose and Emmett excused themselves to start a round of pool, and Alice was deep in conversation with one of her regular customers.

"Do you want to dance?"

Edward's voice floated across the table and I looked up and smiled at him. A quick nod in his direction and he was out of his seat and offering me his hand. It didn't escape my attention that he offered me his left hand instead of his right. We stepped onto the dance floor and Edward pulled me into his arms. We were so close I could feel his breath on my face. With every exhale of Edward's breath and inhale of mine, I was falling hard and harder for him – even if I didn't mean to.

We stayed on the dance floor for several songs before going back to the table. The entire time, his hands never left me and I realized as we swayed, how well we fit together.

Edward was so sweet and charming – how had I not seen that before?

"Edward is so different tonight." Rosalie smiled, nodding over to where Edward was standing with Emmett.

"Is he?" I asked.

"Yes. That … Bella, is my brother Edward from five years ago. He's sweet and gentlemanly and completely charming. I've missed him. I don't know what you did to bring him back, but thank you."

"I didn't do anything," I argued.

"That you know of," Rosalie laughed.

More than ever, I wanted to know what happened to make Edward so broody and closed off.

"That was fun," Edward said quietly as we drove home.

"It was. You were in a particularly good mood tonight. Even Rose and Alice noticed."

"Hmm … maybe it had something to do with the beautiful girl I was dancing with."

I shook my head.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Something Alice said."

"What did Alice say?"

"That you're like you were five years ago. She said that she didn't know what I did to bring you back and she thanked me."

I watched Edward carefully as the tension in his body returned and he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Don't take offense to it, Edward. They're happy to see the changes in you. I'm not quite sure what I had to do with it, but I kinda have to admit that I like seeing you like this too."

"I'm not offended, but I don't like that they pointed it out. The last few years have been rough, Bella. I know that you didn't know me before, but you wouldn't have liked who I was over the last few years either. I'm trying to change that and get back to being who I used to be because I think you deserve a decent guy and not the guarded, insensitive asshole I've been. That's why I'm going to Aspen. You're right. I have to come to terms with that as well as my past before I can go forward. I do want you to come up to Aspen for a few days if you have the time though. I'd like to be able to see you without my family around."

"I'd like that, Edward. "

We pulled up in front of my house and Edward walked me to my front door. I invited him in and he agreed but only for a moment.

"Do you have your phone so I can give you my number?"

I pulled my phone from my purse and handed it to Edward. He quickly typed his number in and then handed it back to me. I pulled his number up and hit send. His phone rang in his pocket.

"Now you've got my number too. I hope you'll call me and let me know you got to Aspen okay."

"I will. Do you mind if I call to talk?"

"Of course not. You can call me whenever."

I hoped that he would.

A/N: These two … falling harder and harder for each other, but neither one wants to admit it. Bella gets it – she feels horrible that she slipped and asked Edward about his scars and she completely understands his need to get away because she's been there herself. How long do you think it will take before Edward is calling Bella?

A HUGE thanks to MidnightCougar for rec'ing this on The Lemonade Stand! And to those of you who read and review every week – thank you SO much … I appreciate each and every one of them.

See y'all next week!