"What am I supposed to say? 'Thank you for having me in your district'? One of their two tributes could be alive instead of me. At least one family hates me in every single district!" Renata was pacing back and forth in the train car, her nerves comical to watch.
The victory tour was at last upon them, and she couldn't have been more ready for it to be over with. They were nearly to their first stop- District Twelve- and every so often Salvatore would comment on how pretty the freshly fallen snow looked out the window.
Finnick smiled and he lounged comfortably in one of the armchairs, his eyes following the girl as she paced around the room. "Yes, you're supposed to thank them for their support, and their hospitality…Why are you so worried about this? It's one little speech and then we'll get to eat with everyone and have a rousing good time," he chuckled, raising an eyebrow.
"Technically I'm going to have to give thirteen speeches," she grumbled, stopping in front of him and crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't help it, worrying is in my nature." She sighed and shook her head, wandering over to the window. The white landscape whizzed by so quickly that she had to turn away after a few moments.
"Just be yourself, Rini," Finnick smiled from his seat. "That's all you can be, isn't it?
Renata could feel her palms sweating as she stepped out of the front doors of the Justice Building and to the microphone waiting there for her. The sea of people waiting to hear her speak were silent as she stepped up to the microphone, and they were some of the most pathetic-looking sort she'd ever seen. Even in their dress clothes (could they even be argued to be deemed "dress clothes"? Renata wondered), they looked thin and weary, and covered with soot. The snow that lay over the poor district was black on top, and Renata shivered at the chilling wind that kept ruffling the skirt of her dress.
This was the first time that she had seen snow outside of the arena, and it was making her feel on edge. Her eyes searched the crowd, as if she were on the lookout for predators. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before opening them again and putting a small smile on.
"Hello," she said into the microphone, wrinkling her nose a bit at how odd her voice sounded when it was amplified. "I've never been particularly good at public speaking, so you'll have to forgive me if I trip over myself up here."
There were a few grumbles of laughing throughout the square before they fell silent again, waiting for her to go on.
"Thank you all that rooted for me, I couldn't have really done any of that on my own," Renata continued, shivering. The fine material of her dress did little to keep her warm, and her shuddering breath resonated throughout the square. She didn't like the cold, not since she had come to associate it with such deep trauma. The wind bit at her pale skin, turning it red. Only when she felt someone nudge her in her back did she come out of her daze. "I hope that you will enjoy the feast with me, and to the families of your two tributes…I'm sorry." Her voice was only a whisper now. She heard a small whimper from a spot in the crowd and her eyes came upon a woman weeping. Renata swallowed back the lump in her throat as she saw a man, presumably the woman's husband, put his arm around her, his expression full of sorrow.
There were no more words that she could come up with to say after seeing their despair. She stood motionless at the microphone before she felt someone tug her offstage.
"Rini? Are you alright?" Finnick said a few times, furrowing his brows when she finally gave a flicker of response. He put his hands on her shoulders and had a look of concern on his handsome face. "You froze up there at the end."
"I'm sorry, I just saw their faces and I couldn't do it, I couldn't say anymore." She swallowed, putting her fingers to her temple. "Maybe I should have someone write my speeches…and I'll go up there blindfolded."
He smiled and shook his head, sighing. "You'll do better next time. We'd better get to that feast now, yeah?"
She nodded and smiled at him, walking in time with him as they went to where the festivities were being held.
For being such a poor community, the people of District Twelve knew how to have a party. There was music that started during the meal, the seemingly endless amount of food, and didn't end until well into the night. Renata realized very quickly that the citizens hadn't seen this amount of food since the year before, and she made it a point not to consume very much.
"Excuse me," a young girl's voice came from behind Renata.
She turned and came face to face with a pair of wide blue eyes. "Hello there," she smiled, her eyes going to the older girl beside her, who she assumed to be the blonde's sister. "Are you having fun at the party?"
The little girl nodded and she smiled sweetly, holding onto her sister's hand.
"She wanted to come and thank you," the older girl murmured.
"Thank me?" Renata asked with a confused laugh. "What did I do?"
"You brought us food," the young girl spoke again, smiling bigger.
"I tried to tell her that it wasn't you who did it, it was the Capitol, but she insisted on thanking you in person."
The redhead blinked and she stared at the blonde for a moment. "What's your name?"
"Primrose," she answered.
"It's nice to meet you, Primrose. You remind me of my little sister. Do you think that one day we could see one another again? Next time I'll bring you food myself, straight from District Four," Renata smiled, playing with one of her braids.
"I think so," Prim nodded, that sweet smile never fading from her face.
With every district they visited, Renata became more and more comfortable addressing a crowd. Most people were kind to her and they spoke to her during the feast, praising her for her victory. However, she was left with an empty feeling on the train ride that they took afterwards. She could only take so much, and she hated to see the amount of grief that festered in the citizens' lives. The tour was nearly over; tomorrow they would be in District Two, and Renata knew she would see Averie's family there. There was a feeling of uncertainty as to what would happen after the tour; would she simply go back to Four and carry on living as she had been doing? Trips to the Capitol every other week or so, then home with Finnick?
Renata sighed and turned over in bed, trying to let sleep find her. When she decided that it was no use, she sat up in bed and tossed the covers off of her. Everyone else on the train had to be asleep by now, so she assumed it would be safe to be out of bed without getting reprimanded by Salvatore.
Finnick's door was unlocked and she was happy to find him lying awake in bed.
"Go ahead and invite yourself in," he chuckled and gave a playful wink. He sat up and scratched his head, his copper hair looking wonderfully disheveled. "Can't sleep?"
"Too excited to sleep," Renata laughed quietly as she sat down on the bed and laid her head on a pillow.
Finnick smiled at her and he covered her lower body with some of the covers. "I told you that the tour wouldn't be so bad. Are you still worrying about the speeches?"
"Not really," she shrugged, staring at the ceiling for a moment before looking at him. "I feel so badly for the families of the tributes. I didn't even know their names…" Renata's eyebrows knit together like they tended to do when she was upset. "Every time they look at me, they're reminded of their child's death. I didn't kill them myself, but anyone could've come home in my place, one of them…"
"You're right," Finnick murmured, his hair hanging in his eyes as he looked down at her. "Anyone had a chance of coming home, but you're the one who survived. It was a game of survival, Rini. Luck, too. It isn't your fault that they died."
Renata closed her eyes for a moment and then looked at him, the burning in her eyes plain to see. "I feel so guilty. Not just that…At the feast, they were so grateful, so relieved that there was food. I didn't know it was like that. Not all the Districts are as bad as Twelve was. I wish I could do something. I feel as bad as the Capitol, with how I'm living."
"I know how you feel," Finnick sighed as he lay down beside her, resting his arms behind his head. "I think it's interesting that the poorest Districts are the ones that are the ones that provide the Capitol with its barest necessities. Can you imagine what would happen if they just all stopped doing their jobs one day?"
She turned her head to look at him. "You mean if they rebelled?"
"Mm-hmm," he nodded. "Most of the districts want to take action; it's just a matter of waiting. We're waiting for the right time to make the first strike, and we need to be ready for their retaliation." He gave her a sideways glance and then turned his head to look at her.
"The idea of a war scares me. Especially one that I can't escape," Renata whispered, pursing her lips. "And with what happened with District Thirteen…I don't want to imagine a place without Four."
"We can always rebuild," Finnick said after a moment, his eyes still fixed on her. We can create a new world, with our own hands…a new Four. A new Panem."
She swallowed and shivered a little at the passion in his voice. "You're scaring me."
"I'm only saying what's inevitable, Rini. Sooner or later, the people will rise up again. And they should. I'll be right there with them when it happens."
"I can't afford to," she whispered back, biting her lower lip. "You know that…Cecil-"
"He's already made it pretty clear where he stands. Hell, if the bombing was an attempt to crush his spirit, it didn't work. If anything, it made him angrier. And don't think he won't spread the word of what happened. The resistance is growing followers as we speak…you'd be a valuable asset to the force, sweetheart."
"Me?" Renata laughed, shaking her head. "You'd call me valuable, that's a laugh…All this talk of rebellion makes me nervous, it makes me sick to be scared all the time. I don't want to be weak."
"I don't want to keep what's happening in the world away from you," Finnick said after a moment, turning onto his side. "If it makes you feel better, I won't tell you what's going on, but…when the time comes, will you join with me? After everything they've done to you, will you stand against them?"
She swallowed and looked up into his eyes, waiting a moment before she gave him a nod. She couldn't help but smile when he did and she hid her flushed cheeks with the covers. "I'll hand out pamphlets or something," she laughed softly.
He chuckled and pulled the covers away from her face and put his lips to her forehead. "You aren't weak, Rini. You're one of the strongest people I know…don't sell yourself short, okay?" He smiled when she nodded and he kissed her nose. "I believe in you."
Man finally! So yes, the victory tour exciting exciting stuff! I'm not gonna say much about this chapter, but...just be prepared for the next couple of chapters. You're gonna hate me probably. But then maybe some love. We'll see =^.^= Let me know your thoughts!
-Kelsey :3