Chapter 13

June 2016

I carefully balance the box in my arms as I follow Prim into her new flat. She wobbles slightly as she carries two boxes herself but Rory rushes towards her to steady her.

"Here, I've got them now," Rory says.

He tries to take the boxes off Prim but she grips onto them tighter and shakes her head.

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying a couple of boxes myself," she replies.

Rory grins at her.

"I suppose you have been doing a lot of body pump recently. You've certainly got the muscles for it," he says.

"Exactly," Prim says with a grin.

She then reaches up to give him a quick kiss before putting the boxes down on the floor. I follow behind her and look around the living room.

"Where do you want this?" I ask.

"Just put it down there for now. I can unpack everything later," she says.

I nod my head and put down the box. When I look back up again I find her and Rory kissing again. I smile at the sight.

"You know now that you live together you have plenty time to make out. You could at least wait until I have left the room," I say.

Prim smiles as she pulls away and tucks into Rory's side.

"I'm not going to apologise. You and Peeta are worse anyway," she replies.

"No way. Peeta and I are officially an old boring couple. Our main outing together last week was to go shopping to buy a new washing machine," I say.

"But you are also going to a beer making class next week. You're hardly boring," Prim says.

I laugh and then Rory encourages us to help with the rest of the boxes in my car. Between the three of us it doesn't take too long to get Prim fully moved in.

We all collapse onto chairs once we are finished and Prim snuggles into Rory's side.

"I would offer everyone a cup of tea but I can't be bothered to move," Rory says.

I smile as he then gives Prim's shoulder a gentle squeeze and places a kiss on her head.

"Forget about the tea. I have a bottle of prosecco we can open later to celebrate," I reply.

Prim grins broadly.

"That sounds like a much better plan," she says. "I'm just so glad to have finally moved in. Now I can see his silly face every day."

"You do know I only asked you to move in so you could do all my cooking and cleaning," Rory teases.

Prim gently swots him on the arm and Rory grins wider.

"This is going to be an equal relationship. I've already got our cooking and cleaning rota set up," Prim replies.

I laugh.

"Let me know how long that lasts. The first argument Peeta and I had after we moved into together was over how I stocked the fridge wrong. Turns out Peeta wasn't open to the idea of arranging the food in the fridge in a different way," I say.

"I don't think I have any weird OCD things like that. Besides Prim has stayed here enough to know where everything goes," Rory replies.

I smile again.

"I guarantee you will both find out some strange quirk about the other you didn't know about before. We all have them," I say.

Prim shrugs her shoulder.

"I'm ready to know all of Rory's weird quirks. And I'm sure I'll love him more for it," Prim says.

She looks up adoringly at Rory and he leans down to give her a lingering kiss. It's the happiest I think I've ever seen her.

I leave Prim and Rory after we drink the bottle of prosecco and head home to catch up on some work. I've been recently promoted to head of the transport section within the sustainability company and I have a big presentation to Edinburgh Council this week about helping them to improve the tram experience in the city.

I work on the presentation in nearly every free moment I have and with Peeta's shifts at the restaurant we hardly see each other that week. But he's managed to get the day of my presentation off and we're planning to attend the beer making class afterwards so we can finally spend some quality time together.

But all my hard work pays off and I feel very prepared for the presentation on Thursday. I stand confidently in front of all the council people as I outline my plans to help them with the trams.

"So in conclusion, expansion of the Edinburgh Tram line is key. Currently the trams do not reach enough people but until expansion is possible we can increase frequency of the service and really work to make the station at BT Murrayfield rugby stadium a hub of activity so rugby fans only think of the tram when travelling to games," I conclude.

The council people all nod their heads in approval and some ask questions before the meeting officially ends. Everyone seems to receive my suggestions positively and my boss looks pleased as the council people begin to file out the room. She comes over to me with a smile once they have all left.

"That was excellent. I can tell you and your team have worked very hard on this. I overheard one of the council people saying how impressive you and your ideas were," she says.

"Thank you. I think it helps that I'm talking about something I really believe in," I reply.

Paylor nods her head.

"Your passion and enthusiasm has always been your greatest asset. We're certainly lucky to have you here," she adds.

I thank her again before heading back to my office and looking at my other tasks for the day. However I have barely sat down when Peeta appears at my door. I look up at him with a massive grin and immediately get up to greet him. I wrap my arms around his middle and reach up to give him a kiss but I can tell something is off as I pull away. His head hangs slightly and there is a sombre look in his eye.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

My heart pounds faster as I try to read the look in his eyes but all I see is sadness.

"Have you checked your phone at all?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"No. I've been in the presentation all morning. Why? What's happened?" I ask.

Nausea begins to rise up in my chest as the panic sets in. Every instinct in my body is telling me this is something really bad.

"Your mum tried calling you and when she couldn't get you, she called me," Peeta starts.

My grip on him gets tighter and I look deep into his eyes, desperate for any reassurance that whatever it is, it will be okay.

"It's Prim, Katniss. The wheel of her bike got stuck in a tram track on her way to work today. The tram didn't have time to stop. I'm so sorry, Katniss. She didn't make it," he says.

The ground seems to give out from underneath me and I collapse against Peeta. He catches me and pulls me close against his chest. Searing pain rips through my whole body.

This can't have happened again. I came to this life to save her. I stopped her from dying all those years ago. I wasn't supposed to save her just so she can die seven years later.

"No. I don't believe you," I say.

My fists curl into the fabric of his t-shirt and Peeta holds me tighter.

"I wish is wasn't true. I'm so sorry," he says.

I shake my head fiercely as I relive the worst moment of my first life again.

Peeta explains the situation to Paylor and I am given an indefinite amount of time off. I pack my bag in a daze and am only able to make it out of the office because of Peeta pulling on my hand. When we get to the hospital I am hit with the biggest sense of déjà vu. I've been here before. I've stood in front of this very hospital before, going in to see my sister that has been killed in a road accident. This is the last thing I want to relive in again.

But Peeta is here beside me this time. He keeps a tight hold of my hand and keeps me tethered to reality for the moment. Last time I had Hunter to help me survive. This time I know I will need Peeta.

We meet mum in the relative's room and the tear tracks are clear down her cheeks. We've never been close but when she throws her arms around me, I hold onto her tightly.

"This is a parent's worst nightmare," she sobs.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. She had so much left to do," I reply.

I think it may be even worse this time. I've now had the time to see what an amazing nurse she is. I've seen her fall in and out of love and then finally commit to someone for the long run. Everything was going right for her so it seems cruel to take her away now.

"Has anyone told Rory? Someone needs to tell him," I ask.

Mum shakes her head.

"I don't think we should tell him over the phone," she says.

I feel sick at the thought of telling him face to face. I'm struggling to keep my own emotions in check and can't bear the thought of being the person that makes his face crumble.

Peeta slides his arm around my waist and I rest my head against his shoulder.

"I can go round and tell him if it's easier for you," he says.

I tip my head up and nod at him gratefully.

"Thank you," I say, squeezing his middle.

He squeezes me back and then a doctor comes in to explain what happened to Prim. I don't really hear all the medical jargon. It doesn't matter anyway. She's gone.

Peeta leaves after that to break the news to Rory and I get some time to see my sister. I hold my breath as I enter and nearly falter when I catch sight of Prim on the bed. They've tried to clean her up but cuts and bruises are scatted all over her face. It's scary how similar she looks to when she died the first time. I walk tentatively towards her and reach a hand out to touch her. But her skin is so cold to touch that I jerk my hand back in surprise. I look down at her and wish that this was all just a bad dream.

I spend a long time staring at her battered face, trying to conjure the image of her before this all happened. I try desperately to picture her happy and healthy but the longer I stare at her the further away that images seems to be. Eventually I turn away as I realise that it's not helping. This shouldn't be the image I remember of my sister.

I take a deep breath and let the tears roll silently down my cheek. I wrap my arms around myself and focus only on my breathing. There is nothing more I can do for Prim. I tried to save her but it still didn't work. She died anyway.

I try to wipe some of the tears away and turn back to face her for one last time. I grab hold of her lifeless hand and give it a squeeze.

"I'm sorry that I failed in protecting you," I say.

I then lean down to kiss her forehead before turning to walk out the room.

Peeta comes back to the hospital with Rory but I only have the energy to give him a weak hug before I ask Peeta to take me home. Neither of us speak on the journey back and I don't wait for Peeta to lock the car before I make my way inside.

When I enter the flat I head into the living room and then stand staring in the middle of it. I don't know what to do now and Peeta comes up behind me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"There's nothing to say. Prim's gone," I reply.

I then turn to him and feel the tears build up. There is only one thing Peeta can do so he pulls me into his arms and lets my tears soak his t-shirt.

Eventually I make it onto the sofa and Peeta suggests watching some TV. But watching Friends repeats is only a momentary distraction. Peeta holds me most of time but gets up to make us something to eat. I almost tell him not to bother. I have no appetite but I sense his desire to cook is a form of his own distraction.

While he cooks my phone continues to buzz with messages of condolences. Peeta had managed to get the message around our friends but I'm not in the mood to read any of them now. I don't have the energy and don't want to pretend that I'm doing okay. They can all wait.

However, my phone starts to ring and I'm surprised when Rye's name flashes up on screen. My finger hovers over the reject button but something stops me from pressing it. Maybe it's because I know he loved Prim too but I grab hold of my phone and answer him.

"Hello," I say, a little hoarse.

"Katniss, I would have called earlier but I didn't know what to say," he says.

"I'm not sure there is much that can be said," I reply.

"Yeah. It took me a while to think of the right words. I even started writing things down. My whole bedroom is a mess of scrunched up papers," he says.

"Normally I would scold you for wasting paper," I say.

Rye lets out a light laugh.

"I promise to recycle it," he says. Then there is a long pause. "But I finally realised what I needed to say."

I nod my head even though I know he can't see me.

"Prim was terrific. She was goofy and smart and loyal and I loved it when she danced around to Taylor Swift as she cooked. I will never forget when she grilled the cake and she was the best Pictionary partner I ever had. I'm going to miss her. A lot," he says.

The tears roll silently down my cheeks as Rye talks. Because of all the hurt he caused Prim it can be easy to forget just how well he knew her. All those things are exactly what I needed to hear at the moment. I needed to be reminded of the things that made Prim great and that there were other people who loved her.

"Thank you, Rye. I'm going to miss her too," I reply.

"We won't forget her, Katniss. She is too special for that," he says.

I smile but I know from previous experience there will be certain things we'll forget about her. I just need to remember the important things about her and how happy she made me and many other people around her.

We then spend the next few moments swapping our favourite stories about Prim and by the end I even find myself laughing as we remember my sister.

I go through the motions the next few days. I help mum with the funeral preparations and Peeta tries to keep me busy with trips to the archery range and walks in the Pentland hills. I find I can't go near my bike. The image of Prim getting stuck in the tram track is just too fresh.

On the day before the funeral I go around to the flat she shared with Rory for less than a week. My aim is to pick up some stuff for the funeral but I also haven't seen Rory since the day she died.

There are massive bags under his eyes when he answers the door and he walks slowly into the flat. Many of the boxes I helped move in are still sitting, unopened in the living room. Rory goes through to the kitchen and offers me a cup of tea. He sighs heavily as we take a seat at the table with our teas.

"I don't think I need to ask you how you are doing," he says.

I reach a hand out to grasp onto his.

"I feel safe in the knowledge that I'm not supposed to feel alright. That way I don't feel bad for suddenly crying when I find her favourite bar of chocolate in one of our cupboards," I reply.

Rory nods his head.

"I must have looked like a right weirdo when I was in Tesco the other day. I started crying in the meat aisle when I saw the chicken and remembered the chicken curry we were planning to make that weekend," he says.

"We're allowed to miss her," I say.

"But for how long?" Rory asks. "My work has told me to take the week off but what about after that? Everyone expects you to move on after the funeral but I'm not sure I can."

I grip onto his hand tightly. I have the advantage in that I have survived Prim's death once before. I remember feeling like I would never stop missing her and in some ways I never did, but it definitely hurt less to miss her as the years passed.

"I don't think we can put a time limit on when to move on. We were probably the two people that loved her the most so it is going to take us longer than everyone else. We don't have to forget Prim completely, just start living our life in way she would be proud of," I reply.

Rory nods his head.

"I just didn't expect it to hurt so much," he says. "I loved her more than anyone else. We had all these plans together. We were going to save up to buy an almost derelict house and then completely remodel it. We were going to go down to Cornwall next year and learn how to surf. She even convinced me to go to pottery class with her. Now I have nothing."

The tears have started to fall down my cheeks again. I can picture Prim doing all these things so clearly. She would have lived her life to the fullest and would have been happy and content. I can understand why Rory feels so directionless now.

I sniff loudly and roughly wipe back the tears.

"You should still go to pottery class. I'll come with you. I'm sure Prim will be watching and laughing at our rubbish attempts," I suggest.

Rory sniffs too and looks a bit unsure. I give his hand a squeeze again.

"I know it's not much but it's a plan to do something," I add.

Rory gives my hand a grateful squeeze.

"Thank you," he replies.

I naturally seek Rory out at the funeral the next day. I'm amazed just how many people turn up to say goodbye to my little sister. Rue and Thom even make it back from Ghana and there is not enough space inside. People spill out onto the path outside the crematorium. I don't recognise every face but it is comforting to know lots of people will miss my sister.

A lot of people want to speak and many of Prim's friends stand up to share a favourite memory of her. Rory only has the strength to read a poem for her and he barely gets to the end of the poem before breaking down. Mum chooses to do a poem too and then it is my turn to speak. I slowly step towards the lectern, not totally prepared to make a second eulogy for my sister.

I search for Peeta's eyes in the front row and focus on them. If I look anywhere else I won't be able to finish.

"When Prim was first born I was a little unsure of her. I didn't know what to make of this pink and wailing tiny creature. I thought she would try to steal all my toys," I start.

There is a slight murmur of laughter.

"It turns out she did steal my toys. When Prim was only six months old she took my beloved teddy bear Bramble and slept with him every night until she was twelve. It was only when I was round at her flat this week that I finally managed to steal him back," I continue.

"Of course I wish I didn't get Bramble back this way. Prim had been determined she would pass him down to her own children. But she will never get to do that. When I think about her death I keep thinking about all the things she won't get to do. She won't ever get to fulfil her wish of swimming with dolphins or to acquire a taste for red wine. She won't get to build her dream house with Rory or find out if we survive Brexit. I know there are going to be so many moments in my own life where I wish she was here. There is always going to be gap in my life," I say.

There are a few sniffles and choked back sobs. I gain enough courage to pull away from Peeta's gaze to look out at the rest of the mourners. I take a deep breath as I prepare so say my last thing.

"I'm sad this is why so many of us our gathered here today but I think it just shows how many lives Prim touched. She's gone too early but I know she will never be forgotten," I finish.

There are more sobs and a lot of nodding heads. I look back to Peeta and he gives me a reassuring smile. I thank everyone for coming, holding it together long enough to get back to the safety of Peeta's arms. Only then do I let a tear to slip down my cheek.

I'm exhausted when Peeta and I get back to the flat. Peeta offers to put on a pot of tea and I head into the bedroom to get changed out of my black dress. Rory was right about one thing. Now the funeral is over people will expect us to get back to normal. But I still feel far from normal.

I kick off my shoes and find some slouchy trousers to wear. I then pull open a drawer to get one of Peeta's t-shirts. I have a favourite maroon one he wore when completing tough mudder. I always wear it when the only thing I want to do is curl up on the sofa.

I rummage about the drawer to find it but my hand hits against something hard. I furrow my eyebrows as I dig it out and my heart stops when I pull out a velvet ring box. I stare at it dumbfounded as Peeta walks into the room with the cups of tea. His eyes widen when he sees what I'm holding and he quickly puts down the cups before coming over to me. I look up at him confused.

"Is this what I think it is?" I ask.

Peeta gulps and nods his head.

"How long have you had it?" I ask.

I don't dare open it. Marriage has been the last thing on my mind at the moment.

"Almost a month. I was going to propose on our trip to Budapest," he says.

I shake my head in disbelief. We were supposed to go next week but we cancelled when Prim died.

Words leave me and I'm not sure what the correct response is. Peeta steps forward to take the ring box out of my hand.

"Prim helped me pick out the ring," he says.

The words hit me right in the heart and I choke back a sob. I can imagine how excited Prim would have been when Peeta told her he was buying a ring. I'm suddenly flooded with images of Prim teaching Peeta about cuts and clarity. I imagine her bringing a bottle of champagne round when we came back from Budapest engaged. She would have been there every step of the way as we planned the wedding.

The tears come again and Peeta gathers me in his arms. I cry into his chest as the sobs wrack my body. The ache of missing Prim is the most intense since I was first told she had died. Peeta holds me tightly and places a kiss on top of my head.

"I still want to marry you but I'm not going to propose while you are this sad. I don't want to get married as a distraction for Prim," he says. "But you must know that I love you and am here for you in any way you need."

I continue to cry as I am so grateful for Peeta's patience and understanding. I don't deserve this man. Not when I feel so broken.

I go to bed early that night with the tear tracks still fresh on my cheeks. As I hide under the covers I can only think of the people I have lost. I have lost Prim and I have lost Hunter. It's days like today that I am reminded that not every day in this life is better than my old life.

The next morning I am stirred from my sleep by footsteps outside the bedroom door. I must have fallen asleep quickly last night as I don't remember Peeta joining me in bed later. I keep my eyes closed as I stretch out my limbs. My heart still aches from yesterday and I'm not quite ready to get out of bed yet. The footsteps continue to patter outside but they are a lot quieter than Peeta's normal heavy treads. And then I hear a soft bang and a high pitched voice float through the door.

"Oh no! Please don't be broken," the voice says.

I snap my eyes open and look directly at the door. Because that voice sounds nothing like Peeta. It's a child's voice. A voice that I am so familiar with and thought I would never hear again.

I throw back the covers and yank the door open. I'm met with the sight of Hunter standing on the other side of the door.

A/N: Yep. We're back in her old timeline. It'll be made clearer why she lived this different life in the next chapter. It's the last chapter before the epilogue so trust that I have a plan to bring everything together.