Chapter Thirteen
"I got a call from Abigail Martin, she's a photojourno for The Scene," Jack said to Gabrielle a week later. They had both been trying hard to move on from their impromptu makeout session, cut short by Gabrielle's memories and mistrust, and they were doing a fairly good job of it. Jack wanted to see Ben, and his best chance of that was keeping Gabrielle onside, and Gabrielle loved the peace that Jack's presence brought to Ben. They had reached a silent understanding; they were to do the best they could by each other and Ben as his parents, but anything more intimate than that was off the table. "She wants to do a story on us."
Gabrielle's brow winkled in confusion. She was hardly someone who attracted the interest of The Scene, a social magazine for Sydney's professional community. High-profile doctors frequently made its pages, but a mere nurse, even a young NUM, wasn't about to make their front page. "What do they want with me?" she asked.
"Us," Jack corrected. "They want to do a story on us – you, Ben and I. Childhood sweethearts, newly discovered prodigious son, blah, blah, blah."
For someone who was approaching her with the idea to have a story done about them, Jack seemed remarkably blasé about it. "You don't seem the type to covet the social pages," she said.
Jack grinned. "I'm not. But a couple of years ago they were going to do a piece on the Frosts – hot surgical couple, yada, yada, except Bianca was such a bitch that they refused to so much as print her name from then on, let alone publish the story. Somewhere out there she'll be spewing that you did yet another thing that she couldn't."
Gabrielle couldn't help but share Jack's grin; she knew exactly how he felt. She was no more publicity-hungry then he was, but the thought of Bianca out there somewhere spewing over an achievement of Gabrielle's, no matter how shallow, that she herself couldn't achieve – "I'll do it," she agreed.
So a few days later Abigail was in Gabrielle's home and Jack and Gabrielle were putting on the works. Gabrielle could, when the occasion called for it, be witty and charming; she was young, but you didn't get to be NUM of a major metropolitan hospital without having charm and tact to fall back on. She and Jack were perfectly in sync, chatting amiably with Abigail over coffee. Abigail responded with warmth and eagerness; it wasn't often that she came across a surgeon, especially a good-looking surgeon, who wasn't completely up-himself. And Gabrielle was intelligent and friendly. Not the type she would have thought to interview for a publication like The Scene, but she would nonetheless make good print. Anyone who could simultaneously take on Frank Campion and negotiate an unconventional relationship with Jack Quade made good print.
No to mention that it was obvious they still cared about one another. The gossip about them was rampant, of course – a thousand variations of were they together or weren't they? – but even if she hadn't known a thing about them, she would have known there was a definite vibe there.
Jack had made it clear that questions about their relationship were off-topic, and Abigail didn't care enough to push. It wasn't like The Scene was in the same investigative stratosphere as The New York Times. But even so, it was clear that there was some serious history between them. Ben Jaeger was six years older, which meant he would have been born when Jack was twenty and Gabrielle eighteen. That was young to have a child, and from what she had heard, they hadn't been together since before Ben had been born. She wondered what had caused the split, and why Jack had only just found out about Ben?
It was a fascinating story, but not exactly what The Scene was after and not worth pursuing professionally.
Ben had already gone to bed – Jack had deliberately scheduled the session so he would be out of Abigail's reach – and they wouldn't give her a photo, but were happy enough to talk about him. Abigail was aware of Ben's ADHD misdiagnosis, but since neither of them brought it up, neither did she. Jack mostly talked about hoping Ben would get into White's the following year. They allowed Abigail to see a photo of the boy – several of them, actually, taken in the last few days of Jack and Ben – and she made a mental note to write about the uncanny resemblance. If he had inherited Jack's charm and intelligence along with his looks, then no doubt he was going to be a heartbreaker.
She took some photos of Jack and Gabrielle together, noting of how well they looked together, how easy their body language was, despite whatever murky history had gone on between them. "You guys look great together," she said smoothly. "Do you mind, Jack, putting your arm around Gabrielle's shoulders?"
"I do, actually," Jack said, just as smoothly, although the note of determination in his voice was clear. "We don't want pictures like that getting back to Ben. It could confuse him."
Abigail let it go. They were a good enough story as it was, although some romantic images – no matter how posed – would have made it an even better one. But it wasn't worth pursuing and getting them offside. And God knew, there were too many publicity-seeking bitches like Bianca Frost in the world for her to get a decent guy like Jack Quade offside.
Besides, his reluctance to pose with Gabrielle like she had requested told her that he was definitely single.
"Sorry about that," Jack said after Abigail had gone. "I didn't know she'd be that invasive."
Gabrielle laughed at that. Sometimes she forgot that Jack had no interest in popular culture. He didn't follow the tabloids, so of course Abigail's questioning struck him as invasive. "It's fine," she said. "It's nothing I haven't already dealt with." He cocked his head at that. "Oh, come on, Jack. I was eighteen and a single mother. Being the subject of gossip isn't exactly new to me. To be honest, I don't know how I thought I could get away with keeping something like that a secret." She laughed ruefully. "Probably lack of reason caused by sleep deprivation."
She, she looked adorable when she was laughing at herself like that. Actually, she looked adorable in pretty much everything she did. Adorable – cute – beautiful – sexy. Jack had vowed not to come onto her again, but sometimes, it was hard. Especially when he had come over for dinner and it had been so easy for the three of them to share a meal, for him and Gabrielle to take turns reading to Ben, to act like the family they should have been six years ago. If only he hadn't cheated on her, if only he'd never met Bianca, if only her father hadn't kept his mail from her...
But whatever opportunities they might have had were gone now, and they had to make the best of what they had now.
"I should get going," Jack said, reluctant as always to leave. Gabrielle didn't seem upset with him that Abigail had been more invasive than he would have liked and he didn't want the night to end. But he didn't want to outstay his welcome either.
Gabrielle was disappointed that he was going. She enjoyed having him around and was surprised at how easily they had slipped back into the easy camaraderie that they had once shared. "I've got a couple of DVDs if you want to stay," she said.
Jack was tempted. After all, she was inviting him to stay without any hints on his part. But sitting on the couch with her less than a meter away? Many a video night – heh, he remembered when they'd watch videos instead of DVDs – had disintegrated because of their attraction for one another. And she had made it clear that, regardless of what attraction they had, she didn't trust him and therefor didn't want anything to come of it. "Thanks, but I should get going, I have an early start tomorrow," he lied. "I'll see myself out."
"OK," Gabrielle said, hoping the disappointment didn't sound in her voice. She didn't even know what she was disappointed over. It was just a freaking DVD. And it was probably for the best that he didn't stay, anyway; they had some serious chemistry, and it was probably a good idea that he wasn't sitting less than a meter away from him on a couch in a dark room.
A month later, shortly after the The Scene piece came out, Gabrielle was working in triage when there was an aggressive knocking – more like a banging – on the triage window. She looked up to see a middle-aged – and badly aged – man glaring at her through the thick plastic in a way that immediately put her on edge in a way that the typical pissed-off would-be patient did. Probably some guy with a deep sense of entitlement and the opinion that no-one's health was more important than his. Which was kind of odd, given he definitely didn't look like the wealthy, entitled type. She smiled her friendliest, most patient smile. "Can I help you?" she asked.
"Yeah. I'd like to see my grandson," he said in a gruff voice.
At staffbase, Charlotte was going through paperwork – the only thing Frank would let her do in her condition, like she was terminally ill instead of pregnant – when the vibrations from the triage window made her whip her head up. She cringed immediately when she recognised Ned Quade. The man was a creep. Who the hell hit on the woman carrying his first grandchild? With his wife in the house? Charlotte shivered with disgust just to think of it, and made her way over to the window. No way could Gabrielle handle him on her own – although Gabrielle had proven herself to be remarkably resilient when she needed to be. "Ned," she said with far more civility than she felt. "It's been a while," she said dryly. Almost two years. She would have been quite happy to never see him again.
Ned looked blankly for a few seconds, before he connected this woman with the one Jack had introduced him to almost two years ago. Well, she had certainly aged. "Charlene," he said.
Charlotte ignored that. "Jack's in surgery, I can page him if you want, but I don't know when he'll be free." Charlotte was well aware of the strained relationship Jack had with his father; he could very well leave via another exit in order to avoid Ned.
Ned smiled – more liked leered – at Charlotte. "I was after Gabrielle," he said. "I'm Ned. Ned Quade," he said.
"I figured," Gabrielle said, trying to be polite when she was beginning to feel creeped out. She knew nothing about Ned other than what Jack had said about him – which wasn't much, actually, come to think of it. "How can I help you?"
Ned held out a copy of The Scene. "I'd like to see my grandson," he said.
Despite trying to maintain a calm, collected demeanour, Gabrielle's eyed bugged slightly to realised that Ned had found out about Ben through the magazine. She couldn't help but wonder who he had gotten the news from; he didn't seem the type to be reading a social magazine about Sydney's upper-echelon professionals. "I'm sorry, Jack never told you?" she asked, feeling a little hurt. Why hadn't Jack told his father about something as monumental as having a son? She knew they didn't speak much, but surely that was the kind of news that you contacted a person over? Hell, he knew who Charlotte was, didn't he? Charlotte had certainly gotten enough mileage about how Ned Quade was a creep who could turn any woman gay; Jack had bothered to tell him about that child, enough to introduce him to Charlotte, no matter how badly the meeting had gone.
Ned glowered. Hadn't he just told the silly country git that? (He knew Gabrielle was a silly country git because the magazine said tat; well, not the silly and git bit, but the girl was from the country, so that made the rest a given. "No, he didn't," Ned said huffily. "Does he use your name?"
"Of course he does," Gabrielle said, wondering why Ned was harassing her when he should be harassing Jack. She wasn't to know that Jack had deliberately not passed on his contact details when he had moved from Mary's place to Dan's after his disastrous twenty-fifth birthday. "Why?"
"He's my only grandchild," Ned said sullenly. That surprised Gabrielle; Jack had said his brothers were both older than him, something like three and five years. That would put them at thirty and thirty-two, certainly not particularly young to have made Ned a grandfather.
"Look, Ned, I'm sorry Jack hasn't said anything to you, but you should take that up with him," Gabrielle said. I don't even know who you are. Other than the fact he and Charlotte recognised each other, and given what Charlotte had already said on him – nothing of which Jack had contradicted – that wasn't exactly in his favour.
"I can't, I don't have his number," Ned said, just as sullenly. "He's moved."
"Well, that's easy. I'll just – " Gabrielle started, and Charlotte cut her off.
"We actually have a policy not to hand out staff information," she said breezily, which, while technically true, was a policy that got bent all the time. Hell, Charlotte herself had handed over half their contact list to Rebecca when she'd wanted to plan a surprise birthday for Jack. "But I'll pass on the message that you came by." She stared at him pointedly until Ned got the point that she wasn't about the let him any close to Jack – or Ben – than that side of the triage window. He flounced off.
"What," Gabrielle asked, "was that about?"
"What, you and Jack were deeply in love and he never mention he doesn't get along with his family? At least the Quade side of it," she added ruefully. Rebecca had been in his life for all of three minutes before they had taken to each other like the twins out of those Sweet Valley books Jack had teased Gabrielle mercilessly over.
"I knew he didn't get along with them," Gabrielle said testily. For some reason, it bothered her that Charlotte knew so much about him that she didn't. Not to mention the closeness he shared with Zoe that surpassed a doctor-patient relationship or that of colleagues. It wasn't like there was a relationship between them for her to be jealous of any other relationship he had with a woman, but still...
Charlotte noted the testiness in Gabrielle's voice. She wondered if the younger woman was jealous about the close bond she and Jack shared. She suspected Gabrielle felt much more strongly about Jack than she was letting on to anyone – including herself. "Ned's a jerk, and a sleaze. He came onto me after Jack had told him about my pregnancy. He's the kind of man who would do that in his own home with his wife a few meters away. He's not someone you want anywhere near you, and Jack knows it. I'm not surprised he hasn't introduced you to him."
"If he's Jack's dad, then he's old enough to be my dad," Gabrielle said. Actually, she thought he was older than her dad, although it was hard to say. If his oldest son was thirty-two, then he could be as young as fifty, but looked at least six-five. "He's hardly likely to hit on someone younger that all three of his sons."
Charlotte laughed derisively at that. "For someone who's been a single mother since she was eighteen, you come up with some pretty naive country shit," she scoffed.
Gabrielle caught up with Jack later that day, after his surgery was done. "How come you never told you dad about me? Or, more to the point, Ben?"
Jack looked at her blankly, and Gabrielle held up a copy of the magazine. "Huh. Wonder how he got it," Jack mused. Ned certainly wasn't the type to be reading such publications – Ralph was as high-end as it got – and neither was he the type to read publications he didn't usually read because his son featured in it.
"That's not the point, Jack. Why didn't you tell him about us? He sure recognised Charlotte."
"And did it occour to you that the reason I didn't tell him about you is because of the way he treated Charlotte? I don't want you to have anything to do with him."
"I'm a big girl, Jack. He's not the first creep I've dealt with. Single mother equals easy, remember?" she asked bitterly.
Jack ground his teeth together. He hated it when she made cutting little remarks like that, it made him feel so guilty. Even if it wasn't him who had been responsible for them being apart. "Trust me, you don't want him in your life – or Ben's."
"He's his grandfather, Jack."
"You want him to have a grandfather? Invite Russel up for the weekend. I'd love to have a chat with him," Jack said, getting his own cutting little remark in. He knew that, as fundamentally honest as Gabrielle was, she couldn't deny the damage her father had done in withholding Jack's letters from her. Because of it, Ben had been deprived of his father for six years; a father who could have saved him the trauma of being misdiagnosed with ADHD and treated like a baby.
Gabrielle sent him a pained look. She hated it when Jack reminded her of her father's misguided intervention. After all, he had meant well, hadn't he? "I have a right to make up my own mind," she told him in a firm voice that Jack knew better than to argue with.
"Fine," he said. "But I organise it, and you do exactly what I say, OK?" he said, Gabrielle nodded. Jack wasn't sure why he was letting her go ahead with this. Just because they weren't together and there was no hope of them getting back together didn't mean he wanted to throw her to a wolf like his father. Or have her anywhere near him, for that matter. The other side of the triage window was as close as he wanted. And even that was too close, in his opinion.
Jack knew he shouldn't have been surprised when his step-mother showed up sober. Whenever they had gone out for dinner, she had always had several shots of vodka under her belt to save money at the bar. But that was only when she was picking up the tab. When she learnt that Jack would be paying for lunch, she had knocked by the most expensive stuff they had like it was free tap water.
Jack watched her pityingly while keeping an eye out on Gabrielle. Knowing Stella's logic, she probably thought hitting her step-son up for high-end booze at restaurant prices was only starting to repay the hurt she had endured over the years of her husband's flagrant infidelity. Not that that was Jack's fault – but he had learnt very early on that he was an easy target for Stella's unhappiness.
He had insisted on leaving Ben with his sister. If Gabrielle thought she had a right to make up her own mind – fair enough, but like hell was he exposing Ben to that, at least not until Gabrielle had witnessed it for herself. And even then – the idea of Stella having anything to do with his son made him shiver. It was hard to say who he most feared being alone with Ben, Stella or Patrick Wesley. He was actually inclined towards Stella, because Ben wasn't old enough for Patrick to have an interest at him, whereas Stella would take one look at those aqua-grey eyes from his maternal grandmother, Carla Rowe, and take her anger out at Ned's infidelity all over again...
Ned had been eyeing off a pretty blond waitress who had the classic looks of Jane or Zoe. (Ned had never met Zoe, but he had met Jane, who had put on such a trust-fund princess act that even Ned had worked out she was way out of his league.) Stella noticed it, and was extremely angry over it. Bitterly she thought she should be used to it by now, but no. Show him a pretty blond – she glowered at Gabrielle, who was blond enough to remind her of all the pretty blonds that had attracted Ned's attention of the years, including Carla. "How's that friend of yours?" she asked. "The one with the daughter."
Stella had this way of referring to Mary in a way that judged her illegitimate status to be the worst thing that could possibly happen to the girl. It was a zinger aimed at Gabrielle, Jack knew, even if Gabrielle herself didn't know it. "Jane's fine," Jack said. "She's head of paediatrics now. The Scene keeps harassing her to do a photo shoot, but she's more possessive of Mary than we are of Ben." Take that, you boozy old cow, Jack thought. No publication was about to ask Stella for a photo shoot... unless you counted the 'before' of a before and after beauty campaign.
"I didn't take you for a posterboy," Stella said, her voice dripping with artificial sweetness. "You were always so big of professional integrity and not relying on superficiality."
Jack was impressed that Stella was able to pronounce 'superficiality' given how much she had had to drink. But like a lot of alcoholics, she had a remarkably high tolerance, and her drunkenness could be seen in what she was saying and not how she was saying. Stella Quade got increasingly bitter and bitchy with every drink. "I'm not," Jack said cheerfully. "But they offered us ten grand for it. That's two years tuition at White's."
He was lying through his teeth. The Scene was a small magazine that relied on ads from companies that wanted to promote their goods to wealthy professionals who couldn't resist gossip; no way could they afford ten thousand dollars even if someone with Fiona Stanley's credentials and Jennifer Hawkins' looks came swanning through the door. But Stella didn't know that. Neither did she know that Ben hadn't yet met with the principal of White's Academy, let alone not been accepted yet. Or that if he was, Jack's status as tutor technically made him staff, which meant his tuition was free.
But by God, it was wonderful watching Stella struggling to keep her alcohol down at the thought of Jack being paid ten thousand dollars to pose for a social magazine. He felt Gabrielle tremble slightly next to him in her attempts not to laugh at his obvious lies. He snaked his arms around her shoulders to steady her.
It hadn't taken long for Gabrielle to realise that Jack had every reason to put great distance between him and his father and step-mother. His father had been making eyes at the cute waitresses the whole time, and Stella had been throwing back the expensive alcohol like it was free tap water. And Stella had been making loaded comments all meal that Gabrielle didn't entirely understand but knew that they were meant in the spirit of extreme nastiness.
It wasn't long before Stella got drunk enough that Gabrielle was a handy target for her bitterness. "He sounds like such a beautiful boy," she cooed in that same falsely sweet voice. "Why did it take you this long to tell Jack about him?"
"Extremely bad timing," Jack said, with all the nonchalant charm of Cary Grant in some romantic movie about misunderstandings where everything worked out in the end. "We broke off over some dumb thing – I was frustrated that she wasn't eighteen and dumb enough to pick fights over it – and I was planning on travelling and then Australia Post lost my mail – you know how bad it is just getting stuff in Sydney, let alone to Woop-Woop that's practically in Victoria." He squeezed Gabrielle's shoulder apologetically. She didn't say anything, so he hoped that meant she understood why he was saying what he was. "So she had no idea how to contact me and I had no idea she was pregnant. It was pure dumb luck that she took a position at All Saints." Actually, Jane Grey and pure dumb luck, but Jack wasn't about to remind his father of his gorgeous best mate.
"And you're OK with him not having your name?" Stella asked.
Jack had known it was coming, so he did well not to show that no, actually, he wasn't OK with it. "That's what it says on his birth certificate, and I think it's best not to confuse him. If he wants to change it later, he can. I don't want him to feel he ought to be something to fit expectations." He loaded his words with irony, although no doubt his father would have missed them; Ned Quade was still a little ashamed that his youngest son did something so wimpy as medicine when the Quades had been labourers for the last hundred or so years. "Besides, it's not like it means the world. Bec and I don't have the same last name either, and that doesn't make her any less my sister."
"Or a great aunt," Gabrielle spoke up. "I've certainly never had a problem finding a baby-sitter."
Ned scowled at that. So Jack trusted that slip of a nineteen-year-old with his grandson but not him? "You should bring him over," he said sullenly. "That magazine didn't even give a picture of him."
With a little reluctance, Jack handed over a recent photo of Ben – reluctantly, because Ben looked so much like him, and he'd gotten a lot of his looks from his mother's side of the family, something Stella had never let him forget. No way was Jack letting Ben anywhere near Stella and have her reminded all over again of the proof of Ned's infidelity. "He looks just like you," Ned said wistfully, and for a brief moment, Jack felt a little sorry for him. Both his brothers took after Stella's side, and for a man like Ned, not having a son who looked like him was a blow to his pride.
"You can keep that," he said with a rare feeling of generosity. It was only a photo, it wasn't like Ned could do much damage to Ben with it.
Stella noticed the similarity, too, and resentfully remembered that trashy barmaid who was his grandmother all over again. "I always figured you'd find someone like your mother," she spat bitterly.
Jack had known it was coming. He grabbed Gabrielle's hand, partly in solidarity and partly to restrain her. "Excuse me?" he asked coolly.
"Your mother. No class, no dignity, sleeping with any man who would have her," Stella said, relishing the look on Gabrielle's face. Actually, there was no way Gabrielle was promiscuous – she could see it on the stupid country girl's face, the compete lack of knowledge how to attract a man – but Stella still enjoyed saying it.
Jack heard – and felt – Gabrielle's sharp intake of breath next to him. "Right, because Grace Kelly move over, you are just the epitome of class," Jack retorted, enjoying the look of confusion on Stella's face because she didn't know what epitome meant.
She understood sarcasm though, and understood that Jack had just insulted her. And worse than that, despite the fact that they weren't together, it was obvious that Jack still care deeply about Gabrielle. That was clear from the way he looked at her. Stella knew Ned had never looked at her like that. "You just want what I've got," she said spitefully.
Gabrielle eyed what even to her untrained eye was a cheap wedding ring. She had reached her breaking point with Stella and her snide comments, and understood now what Jack hadn't wanted to introduce her to his dad and step-mother. She supposed she should be grateful that there were enough attractive waitresses around for him not to bother hitting on her. "What, a cubic zirconia and a philandering husband?" she quipped. Maybe she was way out of line here, but all meal, Stella had been making cutting comments about her country upbringing and Ben's illegitimacy. It wasn't like Stella's life was so brag-worthy.
Stella went white with anger. What had Jack been telling this girl? "At least I am married," she said coolly, looking pointedly at Gabrielle's ring-less finger.
"Because I want to be married to someone who hits on the woman carrying their grandchild and drown my sorrows in whatever booze I can freeload. You know what, Stella? Jack and I may not have worked out, but I know he respects me and cares about me, which I'd say is a hell of a lot more than you can claim." She pushed her plate away. "I've lost my appetite," she said to Jack. "I'll wait in the car." Dumbfounded, Jack handed over the keys and watched Gabrielle leave the restaurant.
He was struggled to restrain himself from laughing, and seeing the look on Stella's face didn't help. She looked – well, she looked like she had so many times during Jack's childhood, angry and humiliated. But Jack didn't think he had ever seen quite the look of distress he had that was on her face now. She had to know that Gabrielle spoke the truth. She was a lush with a philandering husband and, as dysfunctional as Jack and Gabrielle's relationship was, it was one based on fondness and respect, which was, as Gabrielle had said, a hell of a lot more than Stella and Ned had. "Airing the dirty laundry?" Stella asked icily.
"You're the one who dirtied it in the first place," Jack retorted. Any second now and he'd start laughing. He knew he should feel sorry for Stella, but she had brought her misery onto herself. "I think this dinner is over. Dad, if you want to see Ben, I'll organise for you to see him with me or Gabby. But she is not going anywhere near him. He ruined my life; she's not having a go at his." And with that he walked out, stopping to pay the bill and stressing that anything else Stella racked up was hers to pay. It was kind of amusing to think how she would react to the price of Grey Goose when she had to pay for it.
Gabrielle was waiting in the car. "Jack, I'm so sorry," she said when he got into the driver's seat. "I know I should have just sucked it up. But the way she was acting like I was trash and she was the Queen – I couldn't bear the stuff she was saying, about you, me or Ben."
Jack smiled. "It's fine," he said, and he couldn't help it, his face lit up in a massive smile. "That was so cool. I didn't realise how much I was still intimidated by her until you put her in her place. She's had it coming for twenty years. Now do you understand why I didn't want Ben to meet them?"
Gabrielle nodded. "I really didn't understand that people could be so mean," she said. "I certainly don't want Stella around him. But if you dad wants to see him – "
Jack nodded. "He's still his grandfather. I'm thinking maybe supervised visits. And I told him that. But honestly, I don't think dad's going to follow it up. I don't think Stella will let him."
"Jack, I'm sorry." The more she got to know him, the more she understood what made him tick.
"It's OK. I'm just glad he has a least one grandparent who's a decent role model."
"Even grandparents who withhold key correspondence?" She hadn't intended to ever bring that up – it had been a major betrayal on her father's part and she never wanted to have him reminded of it if she could help it – but in light of the fact he was so good-natured about her insulting his step-mother, it felt natural to banter with him.
"Let's just say I'll take your dad as a grandfather over mine," Jack said. He wasn't quite up to forgiving Russel intercepting his letters... but it had been a nice night, albeit for unusual reasons, and he didn't want to spoil the moment.
They picked Ben up from Rebecca's. Rebecca, like Jack, was highly intelligent and tended not to relate to children because of that. For that reason, she had an excellent rapport with Ben, and if Ben's intellect sometimes didn't match up with that of a nineteen-year-old law student, he nonetheless adored her for interacting with him on the same level as her law student friends. "He makes me want kids of my own," Rebecca said, almost sincerely. "But I'm way too young. Sorry," she said when she realised what she had said; she was older than Gabrielle had been when she'd had Ben.
"It's fine," Gabrielle said. Jack had been almost forgiving towards her father; she in turn should overlook his sister's habit of saying the first thing that popped into her head.
Ben was sleepy, so Jack took him in his arms. "Bye, Auntie Bec," Ben said sleepily.
Rebecca smiled at that. "Auntie Bec," she said pleasedly. "Well, he was calling me Aunt Rebecca. I know what that means. Duh, haven't you read What Katy Did."
"No," said Gabrielle, "But I can tell that between the two of you, he's never going to run out of stuff to read."
"Beats Sweet Valley," Rebecca and Jack replied in unison.
They had put Ben to bed and Gabrielle was seeing Jack out. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?" she asked him. "I got some foreign-language films and it would be nice to have someone who doesn't need to have the subtitles read to them."
He smiled dryly. He was aware she had gotten the foreign language DVDs because of a conversation she had overheard he and Rebecca having about French films. "Gabby, that stunt you pulled today was awesome. I don't think I've ever seen anything sexier. I think I should go before I do something we'll both regret." He had never been more aware of how sexy she was, and didn't trust himself to stick around. Better that he left now before he did something stupid.
She found herself feeling flushed, and whether it was because she was flattered that he was still attracted to her or embarrassed that she could feel the same sexual heat he was feeling. "Maybe that's a good idea," she said, and she wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. She certainly wanted him to stay.
"Then I'll get going," he said. He quickly kissed her on the cheek and headed out the door. Gabrielle watched him go, thinking how attractive he was, and how ludicrous it was that he had bowed out rather than let something happen that they might regret.
Jack got halfway down the street before he stopped and got his phone out. "Hey, Lindsey," he said. "I'm horny. You free?"
"Wow," Lindsay said, cuddling up to Jack. "I was wondering if you'd ever come back."
"Huh?" Jack asked.
"Gabrielle. Something happen between you guys?" she asked nonchalantly.
"How did you know about her?"
Lindsay laughed. "Jack, I worked it out from the second you walked in with Ben. You would have been, what, twenty when he was born? But you never mentioned her but you've been emotionally unavailable from the moment I met you. Jesus, you think I got a career in information services by not picking up on stuff? I knew you were never going to be available for commitment. And it totally made sense that you would send this stressed-out woman to me and then come in that afternoon with your son. You've been pining for her for, like, seven years."
"Oh." Jack felt deflated. He hadn't realised how obvious his feelings were. He thought about how he'd felt during his relationship with Terri, with him constantly feeling like she would rather be with her late husband. It sucked to know you weren't the person they wanted to be with; had he done that to Lindsay? "I'm sorry," he said guiltily.
Lindsay laughed. "Jack, any woman who gets involved with you hoping you'll fall in love with her is a fool. I may not have that fancy Canberra education that you do, but I was wise enough to know what I was getting into. I knew you were never going to fall in love with me. Like I gave a crap about that. We've had fun, haven't we? What more could a girl want? So you don't have to feel guilty for not delivering on something you never promised," she said. Though it was sweet that he did feel guilty. If only Gabrielle was aware how he felt about her. Well, that was her loss – and Lindsay's gain. Speaking of which – she stretched luxuriously, running her fingers down Jack's chest. He certainly was a very good-looking man. "Now, let me see, it's been so wrong that I'm having trouble remembering what your recovery time is like." Her hand reached his crotch and she stroked his penis in the way she knew from experience that he liked. His reaction was immediate and his appreciation was obvious.
"Lindsay," he groaned, forgetting all about Gabrielle. Despite the fact he had never been in love with her and never would be, they shared a strong physical attraction and, being two people who craved knowledge, had an excellent rapport. And it wasn't like anything was going to happen with Gabrielle so it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong by her. Maybe if things were different – but they weren't, and why shouldn't he enjoy himself?
Lindsay grinned. She knew how to turn Jack on. "I bet it's been a while since you had a decent blow job," she said huskily, dipping her head and taking him in her mouth. Jack shuddered when she did. It certainly beat jerking off.
"I don't get it," Gabrielle said to Zoe the next day. She knew Zoe and Jack were close and was hoping for some insights to his behaviour. "He's been trying to get back with me ever since I got here. And yet we have this fantastic night – in a weird way – and he doesn't do anything."
Zoe smiled. "Did it occour to you that it's because he's been trying to get back with you and you keep turning him down that he's a little gun-shy? Or that he's trying not to complicate things because of Ben? You can't expect him to just keep trying and getting rejected and not have any impact on his ego. He's actually a lot more insecure than he appears to be."
Gabrielle hadn't thought of it like that. Jack was always so confident – at least he seemed to be. And yet – Zoe had a point. She hadn't exactly given him the impression that a reconciliation was on the cards. In fact, she wasn't even sure if that was what she wanted. They had a terrific camaraderie, and sexual chemistry to burn, but – "I'm not sure if I can trust him," she admitted.
That didn't surprise Zoe. "For what it's worth, I think you can," she said. "He's not his dad, whatever ideas he might get in his head to the contrary. I think you leaving him really made him think about what he'd done. I don't think it's something he'd ever do again. But I also know that's not something you can just take my word on. Some things you just can't forget," she said, thinking about the failure of her own marriage, because while her husband had sort of understood the place she had been in at the times, some things some people just couldn't get over. "He loves you and he's regretted what he did ever since – and seven years is a long time to regret something. If you don't believe me, ask Jane or Lindsay."
Gabrielle cocked her head at the second name. "You know Lindsay?" she asked.
Zoe laughed. "I'm surprised it took Jack until he was, what, twenty-two before he made good friends with a librarian. It totally makes sense when you see them together." She knew better than to say anything about the sexual relationship she suspected Jack and Lindsay of sharing. "But they've known him longer than I have and if you want anyone to vouch for how he feels about you, they'd be it. But I think you already knew that," she surmised.
Gabrielle nodded. "They can't speak highly enough of him," she said. "And his sister worships him. My mum used to say that you can tell a lot about a guy by the way he treats his female relatives."
"Sounds like you already know the answers, then. Which means the only question is – can you get over it?"
Gabrielle thought about that; she thought about it a lot. And her feelings weren't helped by the fact she knew it would do Ben good to have his parents together; she knew that was a bad reason to get back together, no matter how good it appeared to be for Ben.
The reality was, she and Jack had something special and if only he hadn't made one mistake, albeit a big one, seven years ago they could have long since settled down together. Hell, maybe their relationship might have even survived his infidelity, if she hadn't witnessed it. But she had, and now she had to decide if reconciliation was what she wanted or not.
In the end, it was the respectful space Jack gave her that made up her mind. He might be hot for her, but he respected that she didn't want to get back together – or at least that he thought she didn't want to get back together. He could have seduced her if he had wanted; Gabrielle didn't have such a high opinion of her abilities to resist him that she didn't know that to be the truth.
"You want to come over for dinner tonight?" she asked him that afternoon.
"You kidding me? Ben and your cooking versus playstation and takeout?" he asked. He was glad she didn't seem to be funny about their awkward moment the other night. He was trying to deal with their obvious chemistry, and didn't want things to be awkward between them. Briefly he thought of Lindsay. He felt a little guilty about it, although he wasn't exactly sure why, since Lindsay, it turned out, had always known he was hung up on someone else. Maybe it would be best to steer clear of women for a while.
She smiled, hoping she didn't look too nervous. "Great, come by anytime after six," she said.
"You spoil me, you know," Jack said after dinner and after putting Ben to bed. "I haven't had anyone cook for me since my old place burnt down. I've never seen Dan do anything more complicated than mac cheese."
"Glad I could be of service," she said in what she hoped was flirtatious banter. She just wasn't good at this and she thought of Jane, who she was sure knew how to handle situations like this. "Tired?" she asked.
Jack yawned. "A little. For all that I totally don't miss Bianca, I do miss having the extra surgeon around. I think it was the one good thing she was good at. Other than fucking with people just because she could."
Gabrielle smiled indulgently. "Do you know where she ended up?"
Jack shrugged. "I only ever knew what Jane knew and bothered to tell me, and Jane's had an axe to grind ever since she made up that crap about me being Mary's dad – not that I wouldn't be proud to have a daughter like her. I can find out if you're interested," he said, ironically rather disinterestedly.
Gabrielle laughed ruefully. "The only thing I'm interested in is that she's far away that we haven't heard from her. You know," she mused, "now that I'm not as stressed out as I was – I actually kind of feel sorry for her. That must sound idiotic."
"It sounds like something a mature, secure, intelligent woman would say," Jack corrected. "Jane feels the same way about her. So do I, I guess. People don't act the way she did when they're happy. And she never got that all the good looks and talent in the world weren't going to make up for being a lousy human being, and I don't think she ever will. You know what? I think she would have traded places with you if she could have."
Gabrielle laughed at that. "What did I tell you about making up something realistic if you're going to lie to make me feel better?"
"And what did I tell you about having a little more faith in yourself? You have the respect of your team – hell, Von can't say enough about you, though she might never say it to you face, that little stunt you pulled creating the Patient Liaison Nurse was a fine bit of manipulation, by the way – and you control Frank better than any NUM I've seen work with him. The doctors all like you, and you know how fond of you I am. What does she have? A glittering career that will stall the second she slips up because everyone she's come across hates her and no-one will give her an inch if she's anything more than perfect. Just look at the fact The Scene won't have a bar of her for love or money. A husband who cheats on her. And she'll never have kids." Which, in most people's opinions, was a good thing, but no matter how nasty a human being Bianca was, having a choice like that taken from you was always a blow – even if she had brought it upon herself. "There aren't a lot of people who would rather be in her shoes than yours... her including, I think."
Gabrielle felt flushed again, particularly at the part about Jack being fond of her. "You're really fond of me?" she asked.
Jack rolled his eyes. "No, I've just been coming onto you these last three months for lack of anything better to do," he said sarcastically, trying not to think about Lindsay. That seemed like a particularly bad idea now.
It seemed like an even worse idea when Gabrielle kissed him. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember her ever kissing him; he had always instigated things, first when they were together because she was so inexperienced and terrified of appearing forward, and more recently because he was always the one pursuing her. So, no, he couldn't remember her ever kissing him, and that in itself was almost as much of a surprise as the fact she was kissing him when a month ago she had made it clear nothing was ever going to happen between them. "What are you doing?" he whispered, not exactly kissing her back but not making any effort to move away, either.
"I thought that was obvious," she said, and she kissed him again, hoping that in the last month he hadn't changed his mind about being with her. He had said he was attracted to her just a few nights ago, hadn't he? That he should leave before he did anything he regretted, hadn't he? She brought her hands around to the back of his head and ran her fingers through his hair, willing him to kiss her back, worrying she had made a seriously bad judgement call.
He kissed her back; he certainly didn't need to be offered twice. He wondered what had done it, what had changed between now and a few nights ago – or if things had changed before then and something he had said or done had made up her mind for her. Hell, maybe his determination to give her space rather than seduce her had made up her mind. He smiled inwardly...
... The smile metaphorically vanished as his conscience lurched and he thought about Lindsay. He hadn't done anything wrong, not technically – not even 'not technically' like the time he had not technically cheated on Terri with Charlotte. Gabrielle had made it clear that, for all their chemistry and camaraderie, nothing was going to happen between them, and that made him a free agent.
Still, he shouldn't have done it.
"Gabrielle, slow down," he whispered, which was hard, because he wasn't exactly trying to put on the brakes. How could he, when she was pressing her body against him like that and – oh, God, she straddled him with a speed and agility that surprised him and he found his hands on her waist without being entirely clear on how they had gotten there but the thing with Gabrielle was that he often wasn't quite sure as to how they had gotten into a certain position. "Gabby, slow down," he stressed a little more firmly. "I need to talk to you."
"Don't you want this?" she asked, kissing his neck the way he liked.
He shuddered with desire. Why now – why not a few days ago. "Of course I do," he said.
"Then stop protesting." She wondered if he was playing hard-to-get to make a point, or if he was just worried that this was one more time that she thought she wanted it and backed out at the last minute. "I've thought about it. This is what I want."
Oh, God, why couldn't she have worked that out a few days ago? She placed her hand on his chest then provocatively moved it down to his crotch, rubbing him through his jeans. He became hard immediately. "Gabby, stop." She didn't stop, just continued to rub him, and he blurted out, "I slept with Lindsay."
It got him what he wanted – which was for Gabrielle to stop. But it wasn't exactly the way he had wanted things to go. Gabrielle got off him and sat on the couch, legs folded against her chest, arms wrapped around him. She looked very small and disappointed. "When?" she asked, thinking that Lindsay was exactly the kind of woman Jack would be attracted to – a little bit older, learned and passionate about learning.
"A few night ago," he said weakly.
"When we met your dad and Stella?" she asked in a brittle voice. He nodded. "Are you left here?" he nodded again, and she felt her heart plummet. So he had gone to Lindsay after spending the evening with her, after having a fantastic connection with her, even if it had been over his wicked witch of a step-mother. "Oh," she said in a very small voice. She knew she had no claim to him; she had made it clear that nothing would happen between them and she had no right to demand that he didn't date, or sleep with, or do anything remotely romantic or sexual with anyone else on the off chance she would change her mind at some point down the track.
But she had changed her mind at some point down the track, and knowing that Jack had simply found someone more willing when he couldn't have her – that hurt more than she cared to admit, especially since she couldn't exactly rage at him for being unfaithful. He was a free agent, and he and Lindsay were both adults.
"It's not like I cheated on you," Jack said, echoing her own thoughts, and for some reason, that hurt her even more. It was one thing to know you were disappointed over something you had no right to be disappointed over; it was entirely another to hear the same sentiment coming from the person. "If I had known – "
"No, you didn't cheat on me," Gabrielle said. "I had no right to expect you not to act like a free agent."
"I wanted to be honest with you," Jack said desperately. He could tell by her body language that he had lost her, and he wanted to smack himself for it. Why couldn't he have just kept it in his pants? Why had it been so important to get laid?
"I know you did," Gabrielle said flatly. She wondered if it would be better if Jack acted like he had done something wrong. Maybe it would be easier to forgive him if he acted like he had done something that needed to be forgiven... instead of putting it bluntly that he hadn't done anything wrong except maybe a case of bad timing.
"Would you like me to go?" Jack asked.
"I think that would be for the best," she said. He may not have done something wrong, exactly, but she still didn't want to be around him. What had been sexy a minute ago felt cheap and tawdry now. For all his insistence to the contrary, how much had she meant to him exactly that he could be attracted to her and go and sleep with someone else?
"OK," Jack said, and he left, not knowing what else he could do or say that would make her look at him the way she had a few minutes ago.
"OK – so she told you it was never going to happen, that she didn't trust you, that she couldn't be with you without thinking of you and Bianca – then she changes her mind over a month later and expects you to have been faithful to her without actually have been together or have had any hope of being together?" Dan asked incredulously when Jack explained what had happened when he got home. Jack nodded miserably. "Then she totally forfeits her right to be upset."
"Yeah, and I went out with her and had a fantastic time and then had sex with someone else," Jack argued.
Dan shrugged. "Bad timing, maybe poor judgement, but nothing she can get upset over. Dude, you're not together. She said it wouldn't happen. And who the hell has a good time with the wicked witch?" he asked.
"Gabrielle, when Stella needled her one too many times and she needled Stella right back," Jack said, grinning at the memory.
Dan couldn't help but grin, too. If anyone was capable of giving as good as she got from Stella Quade, it was Gabrielle. Dan didn't imagine the woman capable of taking much flak about herself, let alone Ben. "Whatever," Dan said. "The point is, she can't say you're not going to get back together, change her mind a month and something later, and be affronted that you haven't been celibate that whole time."
"You can't say we're not going to get back together, change your mind a month later, and be disappointed that I haven't been celibate that whole time," Jack parroted Dan's words to Gabrielle the next day.
"I know that, Jack."
But for all she knew that – and Jack had no doubt that someone as pragmatic and honest as Gabrielle did know that – he could still hear the disappointment in her voice. The heart wanted what the heart wanted, he supposed – and she had wanted him to be patiently waiting for her like some chivalrous, honourable lover. Without even knowing that it was what she had wanted, no doubt. "Gabrielle," he said, trying to salvage the situation. "If I had known – if I'd had any idea – I wouldn't have done it. And if there's any hope for us, any hope at all, I can wait. I don't care how long for," he added.
Gabrielle looked at him for a second. She had no doubt that he was sincere – for the time being. But what happened if weeks or months went by and she still wasn't ready to get involved with him? Would he pressure her into it? Would he go ahead and sleep with someone else? Better not to give him hope – and hold him to expectations that it wasn't fair to hold him to. She shook her head. "No," she said, with as much firmness as she could muster given she didn't entirely believe her own words. "Last night was a mistake and you were right to think you were a free agent. I think it's best if we just stay friends. For Ben's sake," she added.
He nodded, doing his best not to look crushed. "If that's what you think," he said, willing her to change her mind.
"I do," she said, sounding incredibly convinced for how unconvinced she actually was.
"You're a fucking idiot, you know that," Zoe told Jack matter-of-factly a few days later when he told her what had happened between him and Gabrielle.
"I know," he said, rubbing his cheek in an exaggerated fashion. Zoe wasn't strong enough to hurt a person, but he hoped to make her feel guilty. "Did you have to hit me?"
"Well, sympathetic words weren't working," she said. "Jesus, have you not learnt anything?"
"And what was it I was supposed to learn? To never have sex again just in case she changes her mind about not wanting to get back with me?" he asked sarcastically.
"Exactly!" Zoe fired back, although she knew Jack had a point. Gabrielle wasn't exactly being fair, but still – couldn't Jack have waited more than, what had it been, a month?
Jack scowled at Zoe. "I should have gone to Jane or Lindsay," he whined.
Zoe rolled her eyes. "It's their professions to see to the welfare of children, of course they're going to side with you and you know it and that's why you didn't go complaining to them. You screwed up, Jack. Again."
He glowered. He had much preferred Dan's opinion that Gabrielle was entirely in the wrong... although Zoe had a point. He needed the opinion of someone who had a professional interest in Gabrielle being happy, and all Jane and Lindsay were likely to do was criticize her failures as a parent. "And what do I do to make it right?"
"You do what you were doing to make her change her mind about not getting back with you – except you don't screw it up by sleeping with someone else."
"But she said – "
"Yeah, she said that a month ago, too, and guess what, Jack? If you'd kept it in your pants, you'd be back with her," Zoe said unsympathetically. "So for fuck's sake, stop thinking about your dick and start thinking about the long term. And drink your beer. It's going flat."
He drank. Zoe might make him want to scream at her for her non-nonsense attitude to everything sometimes, but it was precisely that lack of pandering to him when he was feeling sorry for himself that made her such a valuable friend. "Hey, Sean seemed pissed with me," he commented. He knew about his and Zoe's relationship, and was quite flattered that not even Frank did. "Have I done something?"
"He thinks we're too close," Zoe said nonchalantly.
Jack's eyes widened with worry. "What did you tell him?" she asked.
"I said you'd been sexually abused as a teenager and I knew you from when you cheated on Gabrielle, got syphilis and slit your wrists over it," she teased, enjoying the way he looked about to have a heart attack. "Relax, Jack. I told him you're a highly discerning man with a penchant for making friends with attractive, intelligent blonds," she said. "Which he totally bought on account that the last celebrity you're familiar with is Grace Kelly."
Jack poked his tongue out. "That's not true."
"Lindsey Lohan doesn't count when you have a friend called Lindsay who's also a redhead. And speaking of which – take to hanging out with Jane. You have about as much chemistry with her than you do your actual sister." And she chuckled at that, remembering Jane's attempt to convince Zoe that she was Jack's sister, despite their lack of common looks, last name or even accent.