Author's Note: I sincerely apologize for how long this took me to get out. I hope you enjoy. I have joined other fanfic authors on facebook, so if you want to chat with me or ever get a hold of me, friend me (kdzl yi).
Derek Morgan wasn't a man who was 'in touch' with his'feelings'.
As he approached her hospital room, he wondered who exactly thought it was a good idea for him to pick JJ up from the hospital. But apparently Will had been called out on a case and no one else was available.
It killed him, to see her like this. To see her desperately trying to hold onto her pride despite the fear and pain in her eyes.
Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he pushed the door open gently, not surprised to find JJ already dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. He winced as he saw her jump, but left it without a comment as she quickly regained her composure.
"Ready to get out of here?" He asked.
"Absolutely." She smiled, though both of them were aware that it was simply a plastered decoy over her trembling nerves.
He wisely chose not to mention it. "The doctor sign your release papers yet?" He asked, not bothering to step further into the room until she invited him.
She nodded, and he wondered if she was grateful that she could at least move now without waves of dizziness and nausea crashing against her. "We are just waiting for the nurse to bring me a prescription."
He frowned, wondering if there was something he could say to make this easier. He couldn't help but remember another time when their roles were switched.
Derek yanked out the IV stuck in his arm, shirking off the medical equipment in almost one move.
"You are making a break for it?" JJ snorted, standing in the doorway like a mother catching her child with his hand in the cookie jar. "Really?"
"I'm fine."
"Derek you were shot." She cried incredulously. "Can't you just wait for a doctor to discharge you?"
"No." He shrugged, dangling his legs of the side of the bed as he looked around for his clothes. "Help me?"
"Not on your life." Her smile was mixed somewhere between amusement and worry. "Just wait." She commanded. Seeing he wasn't about to relent, she frowned and gestured to the injury on her brow. "For me?"
He grimaced at the reminder and relented slightly. "Hotch wouldn't wait." He retorted, reluctantly sitting back in the hospital bed under JJ's unwavering glare. "We've still got a case to solve and I'm stuck in this stupid hospital bed."
"Believe me. If it were Hotch I'd make him sit back down too." She promised him firmly. "You know Garcia would kill me if I let you go." JJ smiled, moving from her station at the door to come sit beside him. "It took everything Hotch had to convince her not to hop on a plane and nurse you back to health."
"I should call her." He frowned, imagining how upset his best friend would be. His relationship with Garcia was something he couldn't describe. It was more than platonic, nowhere near romantic.
"You should." She agreed simply, "But you can hold off until your doctor comes by and releases you. She knows you're okay."
They sat in silence for a moment, both of them contemplating the earlier events of the day.
He had been stupid, reckless. He winced at the sight of the small cut on her brow that was beginning to bruise around the edges.
He had put her in danger.
Yet rather than looking at him with a furious blame, she sat down beside him and urged him to stay and be treated.
He didn't deserve a colleague like her.
"Shouldn't you be getting checked out too?" He couldn't hide the soft accusation as he gestured toward her.
"No, I'm a big girl. Only a wuss gets admitted to the hospital." She scoffed teasingly. Seeing him smile and chuckle softly, she shrugged, careful to keep her head as immobile as possible. "I've already been cleared."
He quirked an eyebrow, the one look conveying the question behind it.
"Minor—minor—concussion." She stressed. "They offered to stitch it up, but I told them not to."
"Why not? Little JJ afraid of needles?" He teased.
"You bet your ass I'm afraid of needles." She laughed seriously. "But I had to get out of there ASAP so I could take care of you."
He frowned, watching her closely as he contemplated how true that statement really was. "You take care of all of us." He surmised.
She blushed slightly under his gaze before dismissing the sudden seriousness with a laugh. "Someone has to, otherwise you'd all be stumbling out of the hospital like a drunk man."
Then she had known all the right things to say. The right words to put him at ease, just enough to lighten the situation without appearing demeaning or condescending at all.
And now, he had nothing.
The nurse stepped in, handing JJ a fistful of papers. "It looks like everything is ready Jennifer." The woman smiled brightly. "Dr. Hawkins wanted me to remind you once again to remember to take your medication on time because you are still going to be experiencing several minor after-effects." She looked down at the chart. "I could remind you of all of them again if you'd like."
Derek looked away, ignoring the slight blush that crept up JJ's cheeks as she stuffed the papers into her bag.
"No, that's fine. I—he—we talked about it." She stumbled over the words uncharacteristically.
"Since all of the paperwork is signed, let me grab a wheelchair for you and you can be on your way." The woman excused herself cheerfully.
JJ clenched her jaw tightly, obviously trying to hide the way the woman's bubby attitude seemed to grate on her nerves.
For lack of anything better or more comforting to say, Morgan remained quiet, pretending he hadn't seen her momentary lapse of control.
He wheeled her out of the hospital with surprisingly little protest. When he went to help her into the car, however, she pulled away, smirking softly. "I can get in myself."
"Would you just let me help?" He asked, smiling charmingly despite the way she rolled her eyes. "For my own peace of mind?"
"Whatever." She smiled in an attempt to soften her words, but the clipped edge to her tone informed him that she was more than mildly annoyed.
He shifted uncomfortably as he stood on her doorstep, hesitating for nearly the hundredth time as he tried to talk himself out of the apology he knew was necessary.
He had been an ass.
But he wasn't entirely sure she would be receptive to him showing up in the middle of the night.
Finally, sighing, he forced himself to knock sharply on the door, reasoning that if she didn't answer then it must be fate telling him that the right time to apologize would come in time.
He waited, feeling a surge of relief as no lights turned on and he heard nothing signifying any movement on the other side of the door. Eventually, he decided enough time had passed and turned to leave, stopping as a soft creak at the door signified it opening slightly.
"Derek?"
"Hey Jayje." He smiled lamely, suddenly aware that showing up at a colleague's home after the week they had was probably the last thing JJ expected from him. "Can I come in?"
"No." She replied, her voice worn and tired. "What are you doing here?"
She had every right to be tired. She had just been mauled by dogs.
And then he made her feel guilty for it.
He groaned at the memory, well aware that if anyone had overheard that statement they would have shot him on the spot.
"Let me in?" He asked, pleading as he hoped not to have this important conversation out on her porch.
"Go home." She insisted forcefully. "I'm tired, and all I want to do is collapse into a bubble bath, so please just go home."
"Please. For me?" He cringed at the blatant manipulation. "For my own peace of mind?"
He could tell she was torn about whether to let him in or not, weighing her nurturing instincts against her desire to shut the door in his face. "Fine." She relented, still standing behind the door as if for protection. "I am tired." She admitted. "So I don't have long—"
"I came to apologize." He admitted, cutting out any sense of pretense as he interrupted her. "I was an ass."
She shrugged, opening the door just a little more to reveal dark circles under her eyes as she looked up at him. "It's fine, whatever." She brushed it off as nothing more than a token apology.
She didn't believe him. He could almost see it in her eyes and it killed him.
It was more than survivor's guilt. JJ actually believed she was responsible for Reid's tormenting experience.
And he had only added fuel to the fire.
"It's not fine." He insisted, desperately wanting someone to come and kick his own ass for making her feel this way. "JJ, what happened with Hankle—that's not on you. We see victims every day…" He trailed off, reminded that she saw far more evil than even he did on a daily basis, "But the UnSubs who choose to hurt people, it's their fault." He explained, well aware that his soliloquy was woefully absent of the comforting words he knew JJ would be able to provide if their roles were reversed. "It's not on you."
"Sure it's not." She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Goodnight Derek." She shut the door quickly, not waiting for any more of a response. She wasn't ready to forgive herself. Nor was she ready for Morgan's forgiveness, though the fact it was offered would mean more to her than he would ever know.
He frowned at the closed door, vowing that he would be there every step of the way, reminding her that it wasn't her fault.
And he wasn't going to give up until she believed him.
"I think I can manage from here." She offered him a faux smile, stopping him at the door. "Thanks."
"Are you sure?" He hesitated, not wanting to push the boundaries but feeling a surge of protectiveness over the woman who had been through so much. "Jayje, I've got the whole afternoon off. I can help."
She waved him off, "No. All I want to do is go to sleep. You go home. Will is going to be home in a couple of hours so there is no need for you to play babysitter." She insisted, a firmness underlying her tone that told him she wasn't going to accept no for an answer. "Thanks Morgan."
"JJ?" He lifted his arm to stop her before catching himself, calling out to her instead as he dropped his arm to his side. "Uh—"
She looked at him quizzically, "Yeah?"
He felt the words leave his mouth before he even thought to stop them, and only as the words began to flow did he hope she believed their veracity. "In that warehouse, I don't know what—"
"I'm really tired Derek," She interrupted, choosing her words carefully. He knew as well as she did that the use of his first name was on purpose. It let him feel like she was letting her guard down, that she was opening up. "If you don't mind, I just—"
But despite that, or maybe because of it, Morgan felt prompted to continue. This wasn't just some victim the team would leave behind at the end of the case that would get over it in a few months. This was JJ. And she had nearly given her life to protect Emily's secret.
If that wasn't loyalty, he didn't know what the hell was.
"I just—I wanted to say thank you." He stopped her this time. "You saved her life JJ." His voice caught slightly but he ignored it, choosing instead to focus on JJ who was steadfastly refusing to catch his gaze. "You are the bravest person I know."
He saw her jaw clench tightly as if she was struggling to suppress a surge of emotion, but he waited.
"You saved her twice." He added. "You saved her from Doyle twice, and I don't know how to thank you."
"She would have done it for me." JJ murmured, staring off to the side as her mind seemingly replayed something Derek was not privy to see.
"But you lied to us. To all of us, your best friends," He emphasized, awe filling his voice as he imagined how hard that must have been for her, "Because you had to save her."
"I should really go—" She turned away from him, her voice rising slightly in pitch as if she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay.
"She came back." He called after her, relieved to see her hand freeze on the doorknob. "She came back because she had to save you."
The tension in the room was so thick he could cut it with a knife. Glancing around, he could tell that none of the rest of them had any idea what had caused Hotch to gather them so secretively.
"Does anyone know why—?" He leaned forward to ask, only to have Hotch burst into the room quickly.
"I don't have time for you to ask questions." Hotch insisted immediately, his voice low and the words coming out quickly before the others had any chance to respond, he continued. "I need all of you to pay attention and let me explain fully, and follow orders. If you can't do that, step out now."
"Hotch?" Garcia asked tentatively, concerned with how the normally calm and cool Unit Chief seemed to have disappeared completely behind this new man who was barking orders.
"Leave or stay. Make your choice now." He reaffirmed.
"You know we're all staying." Rossi spoke up, not needing to glance around at the others to know he had voiced their sentiments as well.
"What is this?" Derek asked, his mind already jumping to questions about what he was sure would be the next terrorist attack.
"No questions." Hotch reminded. "I need each of you to tell me you are either in, or you walk out that door right now and don't turn back."
They went around the room, each of them uncertainly affirming their allegiance to a cause they didn't yet understand.
Derek had the distinct feeling that whatever it was couldn't be good.
Seemingly satisfied that the others were willing to follow him, Hotch sighed, uncharacteristically running a hand through his hair as if he was wondering where to start. Grimacing, he began. "JJ was abducted from her bed this morning while she slept." He plunged in, ignoring the gasps from the others.
"What are we waiting for?" Reid stood up, quickly, distraught at the thought of what she could be going through. "Why are we just sitting here?"
"No questions." Hotch barked authoritatively.
"Who could have done this?" Garcia gasped, tears brimming in the corner of her eyes.
Hotch shot her a censuring look before answering, "We know who did this. It was Ian Doyle." He flung copies of the note at the others, frowning as they each offered him silent questioning looks. "There is only one reason Ian Doyle would go after JJ—" He cleared his throat, taking in a deep breath as he prepared himself for revealing a secret that was going to incite betrayal from people he trusted with his life.
He just hoped they would forgive them.
Just as he opened his mouth to continue, another voice interrupted.
"To find me." A voice from the doorway made them all turn around, though Derek kept his eyes on Hotch.
That voice, it couldn't be.
But at the obvious relief on Hotch's face, and the shocked surprise by the others, curiosity eventually won out as he glanced behind him, only to have his jaw drop in disbelief.
"We've got to hurry." Emily Prentiss stood in the doorway confidently. "She's not going to have much time."
She shut the door, bracing herself against it as she finally allowed the tears to cascade down her worn cheeks.
She hurt.
Everything hurt.
And as she starred over the first floor of her home, she couldn't help but realize that things couldn't change.
Ian Doyle would always be a part of her.
He was never going to leave her alone.