Heya, guys! So, the clinic part, here we go!
Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs!
Once Ricky and the boys returned from the park, they were greeted by the girls as soon as Ricky removed the blindfolds. "Ricky, and the rest of the boys, we want to thank you for helping us determine whether or not Monica was a two-faced bitch," said Wendy.
"So, that means you're going to be helping us, right?" asked Kyle, hoping for a good answer.
"Unfortunately, it turns out Monica couldn't have been the one spreading rumors about Allie Nelson going into the abortion clinic."
"Yeah, so we made up," said Rebecca.
Monica, who was sitting in one of the desks, said, "You guys are the best!"
"You see," explained Wendy. "The thing is, Heidi Turner was supposed to put on the Facebook page that Kenny was Bebe's boyfriend, but she didn't."
"Uh...so?" said Ricky.
"Because Heidi Turner is a two-faced bitch who says she likes me, then tries to stab me in the back!"
"Right! So, we need to know if Heidi Turner is the two-faced bitch who's spreading rumors about Allie being spotted at the abortion clinic," concluded Wendy. "But in order to do that, we need people to think you're a girl, like a girly girl!"
"Wait, what?!" Ricky suddenly knew where this was leading into. Two girls held her arms and she started to struggle. "Hey!"
"MAKE OVER!" all the girls cheered, dragging her to the dressing room, leaving the boys alone.
Then, Bebe went to the boys and said, "You might want to wait by the abortion clinic. This could take awhile. Also, by the way, Cartman-" She ran over to him and kicked him right between the legs, dragging him to the ground. "THAT was for ripping my Justin Bieber doll apart!"
"AAAAH! CRAZY BITCH! GAAAH!"
"Well, you have to admit, I like the girls more and more each day," admitted Stan.
Later, at the abortion clinic...
"GOD! What is taking those girls so long?!" exclaimed Cartman impatiently.
"Yeah, dude. It's only been...about an hour," said Stan, glancing at his watch. "I wonder why girls take so long to change."
"We're here!" Bebe's voice cried out. All the boys turned to see the girls, and as soon as they saw Ricky, their eyes widen and their jaws dropped.
Ricky wore a velvet dress with red shoes, a white skirt, and long white stockings. She wore a bit of makeup in her face, and her short blond hair was straightened down a little while a red rose hairpin planted on her hair and she was carrying a red purse. She looked extremely beautiful to the boys, especially Kyle.
"Whoa," said Stan.
"Huh..." said Cartman, rubbing his chin.
"Wow..." sighed Kyle, a lovesick look on his face. Ricky, however, didn't seem to enjoy her outfit and was forced to walk slowly and carefully so she doesn't trip.
"This is one of the reasons why I don't wear girl clothes. They're too tight and call for too much attention," complained Ricky.
"Just be glad we didn't put heels on you," said Bebe.
"Alright, Ricky. Get inside the abortion clinic and find the records room," ordered Wendy. "Take a picture of all the records in the past week and text them to us. You boys, stay here for backup. That will help us find out who the two-faced bitch is. I'm sure you can appreciate why none of us can do this."
"No, I really don't," deadpanned Ricky, glaring at them.
"If any of us are spotted, people might think we're sluts like Jessica Rodriguez," explained Bebe, worried.
Just like on cue, the girl Jessica walked up to them. "Hey, guys!"
"Hi, Jessie!"
"Hey girl!"
"Heya!"
"What are you up to?"
"Oh, nothing. Just finding out which one of our friends is a two-faced bitch!" chirped Bebe cheerfully.
"Cool! Well, see ya around!"
"Awesome!" said Wendy. After Jessica left, she frowned. "Skank."
"Dude! She seems like a nice person!" defended Ricky.
"She's a slut!" said Bebe.
"You know what? If you're just going to accuse people of being sluts, then you're no better than two-faced bitches yourself." With that said, Ricky went inside the abortion clinic, leaving behind two shocked girls and as the boys followed her.
"...Dude."
Once inside, Ricky greeted with the woman near the counter. "Hi, here for an abortion?"
"Y-yeah!"
"It's okay, don't be scared. The first one's always the scariest. Take room A, second door to your left. I'm sorry, your little friends will have to wait out here."
All of them huddled for a new plan. "What do we do?" wondered Butters.
"Alright, me, and three others have to come with me. I have a plan," suggested Ricky.
"(I will!)" replied Kenny, earning an angry look from Kyle.
"I'll go!" said Kyle quickly. "I-I mean, just in case."
"Me too. I can't leave my best friend alone," suggested Stan. "Meanwhile, you guys have to provide enough time for the four of us. That lady's watching us."
"Psst! That's easy!" said Cartman, walking up to the lady behind the counter. "Hey, lady! Do you like Batgirl?"
"Well, she's been my favorite superhero since I was a little girl, so why?"
Cartman pointed outside and said, "They're selling Batgirl on Ice tickets outside the abortion clinic."
"Really?! Oh my God!" The lady abandoned her post and rushed outside.
"...Oh my God," groaned Ricky, forgetting how easily adults could be tricked.
"Let's hurry!" reminded Kyle, grabbing her arm before he, Ricky, and Stan rushed to the door and entered a long hallway. "Okay, what's your plan?"
"First, we have to go to a closet! Here we are!" Ricky opened a closet and pushed Kyle, Kenny, and Stan in before closing the door behind her. In mere seconds, Ricky was standing on top of Stan, Kenny, and Kyle, Stan was carrying Ricky, Kenny carried Stan, and Kyle was trying to keep both of them on top.
They never changed clothes and instead put on a long doctor's coat, buttoning it up to hide themselves as Ricky pretended to be a doctor, Stan was to provide for the hands, Kenny helped out, and Kyle had to move around while carrying the two of them and wearing a long coat that nearly blinded him.
"Ow!"
"Sorry!"
"Great, my foot!"
"I'm sorry, dude! I'm trying!"
"This is just great!"
Everyone else glanced at Ricky, who smiled back nervously before they all went back to work. Once no one was looking, Ricky whispered, "Kyle! Head straight!"
Kyle obeyed and in a few seconds, he had accidentally slammed Ricky against the 'Records Room' door. "Oops! Sorry!"
"Access granted. Thank you, doctor," spoke a voice from the spying monitor.
"Whoa! What was that?" wondered Stan, slightly startled as Ricky entered the Records Room and clicked on the lights.
"Just some spying monitor," answered Ricky while she, Kenny, and Stan got off a tired looking Kyle and took off the long coat.
"Whew! You guys are heavy!" panted Kyle. "I mean, not you, Ricky, since you are light! And I don't mean to insult you too, Stan, it's just-I'll shut up now."
The team searched for the files even though lots of files were everywhere, and found the 2013 ones. It took them no time to find the papers and for them to click pictures on them and send them to Wendy.
Then, they heard some weird noise and saw that one of the shelves were moving until Randy fell out of them and used boxes as cushions for his landing. "Agh! Damnit!"
"Dad?" wondered Stan. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh! It's my favorite son! And his friends! Including Ricky!"
Ricky looked slightly annoyed that the most annoying person in the world was here. "Hey Mr. Marsh."
"Something strange is going on, here!" Randy explained, standing up. "The PTA reviewed that tape Ricky got us. The Taco Bell has something called a Plan B. They've been here looking through these records. But, why would they be interested in the gynocological files of the women in South Park?"
"I'm afraid you know too much now." Randy and the others turned to see two government agents, one of them holding a gun and pointing towards them.
"Holy crap, dude!" cried out Stan as he, Randy, Ricky, Kenny, and Kyle held up their hands in their air.
The government agent wielding the gun held up a walkie talkie and informed, "We have five more asking a lot of questions."
"Deal with them QUIETLY. We can't let anyone find out what we were doing there."
After hearing that, the government agent cocked his gun, ready to fire. "Are they really going to fire at us?!" exclaimed Kyle.
BANG! Ricky, Kyle, and Stan watched in horror as Kenny's blood stained the floor. "Holy shit!"
"Oh my God! He killed Kenny!"
"You bastard!"
"Before you kill us, tell us why," said Randy. "Why is Taco Bell taking the records of women's vaginas in South Park?"
Kyle, Stan, and Ricky stared at Randy in disgust. "Dad!"
"That...has got to be the most disgusting question I've ever heard," commented Ricky.
The second government agent who was holding some strange machine noticed the machine was beeping. "I'm picking some hot readings on the ESRB."
"Tell us! What do women's vaginas and Doritos Locos Tacos have in common?!" demanded Randy, once again asking more.
"Dude, stop asking that! God!" complained Ricky.
The two government agents didn't seem to listen to Randy. "ESRB is going crazy!"
"Oh shit! There's an outbreak here!" yelled the other government agent before turning to the walkie talkie. "We have containmination in Sector Seven! All units to Sector Seven now!"
The others watched as military soldiers started surrounding the clinic, and a female employee who worked in the clinic was being captured. "Secure the entire building! Put that woman in restraints!"
"What's going on?!" a doctor cried out.
"Taco Bell security," informed a government agent. "Your clinic is infected with the Nazi Zombie Virus."
"Nazi zombies?! That's ridiculous! And bigoted! I happen to be German!"
"HE'S ONE OF THEM!" Immediantly, an government agent started firing shots at the doctor with a machine gun, and seemed to have killed him.
"Oh my God!" screamed Ricky, shocked.
The shot doctor, who was somehow still alive, slowly turned to the kids and weakly whispered, "Tell people...what you saw here today..."
Afterwards, the military started running around, completely forgetting the kids inside the Records Room. "Dude, what do we do?" wondered Kyle.
"We gotta get out of here! Dad?" Stan glanced around but didn't see any sign of his Dad. "Dad?!"
"Look over here!" said Ricky pointing to an open air vent. "Maybe your Dad escaped through here. It might be able to fit us in." Kyle and Stan went inside first while Ricky followed behind, and the trio crawled through the vents, trying to find a way out of the clinic, and hopefully, Stan's Dad as well.
After a while, they found a room that looked to be empty, but when they entered inside, they found Randy wearing a female blond wig, sitting on a chair, and he had taken off his pants and opened his legs, a towel covering his private parts.
"Oh God!" shouted Ricky, looking away.
"Dad!" scolded Stan, placing more towels to hide anymore private parts. "There. Ricky, it's safe."
"My God, there was a girl in here! What were you thinking?!" demanded Kyle. "No wait, why are you even disguised as a-"
"Shhh!" whispered Randy, addressing to the door. Someone on the other side was trying to knock the door down, while screams and gunshots could be heard on the other side.
"Quick, disguises!" hissed Ricky, grabbing a long coat. Once again, Ricky was on top, Stan in the middle, and Kyle in the bottom, and once they assemlbed that position, Ricky placed a doctor's coat over them and buttoned it up as quickly as possible.
Stan said, "Alright, now for my Dad-"
Then, two government agents bursted into the room, startling everyone. 'Shit! We didn't have time to disguise Mr. Marsh! We're in big trouble now!' thought Ricky.
"Nobody move!"
"Oh, hahaha, what's wrong?" Randy nervously laughed while trying to imitate a woman's voice. "I-I'm just here for an operation! Haha...Oh! There are you, doctor! I'm ready when you are! Is this going to hurt, doctor? Tee hee!"
The two armed government agents looked suspicious. "There's something fishy going on here. I think they might be Nazi Zombies," whispered one of them.
Ricky overheard their conversation and tried an adult voice. "Uh...No, sir! I am a full-fledge, licensed doctor! Who's way more experienced in doctoring! Yup!"
"We'll SEE if you're a real doctor! Give her an abortion! Do it!" ordered one of the government agents.
'Ew! At least they bought the whole 'Randy pretending to be a girl,' thing,' thought Ricky, turning to Randy.
Stan grew worried and whispered, "Dude! What do we do? We don't know a thing about abortions!"
"I heard they use a syringe before each abortion! Use pick one!" whispered back Kyle.
"Yeah, that's great, but what about me?" hissed Ricky. "I have to watch a GROWN MAN"S abortion, damnit!"
"Uh...close your eyes then!"
"If I do, the government agents will know what's up!"
"Dude, just endure it. It's either performing an abortion, or getting shot at," whispered Stan.
"No, wait! Just tell the government agents that the best way to do an abortion is to close your eyes! That way, me and Stan will do the rest!" encouraged Kyle.
"Okay. Hey, sirs? Well, one of the best techniques to perform an abortion is to close your eyes! So, yeah! I'm gonna do that now!" Ricky quickly closed her eyes and whispered, "Okay, ready!"
Stan said, "Alright..." He peeked through the small hole of the coat and nearly barfed at looking at Randy's private parts, but luckily held it in and searched for the syringe quickly before injecting all of it into Randy's leg.
"OW! MY BALLS!" screamed Randy, dropping his feminine tone. Once he realized his mistake, he tried to fix it. "My malls! I mean, my favorite shopping malls all close at five, doctor. Can we please get this over with quickly?"
Stan groaned and whispered, "What now, dude?"
Kyle managed to grab a small book about performing abortions from the floor and read it to Stan. "Now, we have to get a small metal rod and...dilate it all over your Dad's balls."
"Oh my God." Stan made a small disgusted sound before reaching for the metal rod and spinning it all around, winching as he heard some slimy sounds.
"Oh! That's cold! That's cold!"
After a while, Stan sounded like he was ready to faint. "What now...?"
"Now, the final step is to use some vaccuum and...suck up his balls," finished Kyle. Stan nearly barfed once again as he reached for the vaccum and turned it on, slowly started to suck up as everyone heard Randy's cries of pain until finally, Stan stopped the machine, indicating he was finished.
"Are you done?" whispered Ricky.
"Yeah..."
"Okay, I'm finished!"
"He did it!" said the government agent.
"Okay, so he is a real doctor." Suddenly, the lights started to flicker off and on several times before screams were heard. "What the hell?!"
The two government agents exited out of the room and immediantly started shooting something. "Oh shit, clear the building! The area has been compromised! Get out now!"
Once they were gone, the three kids steadied themselves to the ground, and Stan started puking all over the ground as Ricky fetched some water and Kyle was rubbing his back. "That...was the grossest thing I've ever done," groaned Stan.
"At least we'll never have to do it anymore," said Ricky. "Come on, let's get out of here. Mr. Marsh?"
"Uh...you kids go on ahead. Might be a while before I can walk very well," said Randy, still sore from the abortion.
"Glad to hear that," said Kyle before he, Stan, and Ricky ran out of the room and into the hallway. As son as they got there, they saw lots of fully armed soldiers and government agents, along with screams of nurses nearby.
"What the hell is that?!" questioned one of the government agents. A piece of the ceiling crumpled away, making everyone step back in case something came out of the hole. They heard some squeaky German nearby and wondered around.
"Matthers...where did you find the alien goo?"
The one known as Matthers replied, "Broken vials in the trash can, sir."
"What could have come into contact with it in the trash can of an abortion clinic?"
CRASH! A small, pale-skinned baby crashed through one of the doors and began crawling towards one of the agents. Soon, three more came and started climbing up the walls as the government agents tried shooting at the Nazi Zombie Babies, only to be killed by a single bite in the neck by them.
As the Nazi Zombie Babies were feasting on dead bodies and Ricky and her team were staring in horror, they were snapped out of it when Butters popped his head out of the hole in the ceiling. "I'm here for you buddies!"
Butters, Cartman, and Jimmy landed on the ground safefully, along with a brown dog. "Sparky!" cheered Stan, running over to him and hugging him.
"Is Sparky Stan's dog?" asked Ricky.
"Yeah, and he's also gay!" pointed out Cartman.
"Shut up, fat boy!"
"Hey! Don't call me fat! Besides, it's true!"
"Aw, look at that little fella!" awed Butters, staring at a Nazi Zombie Baby eating a dead man's throat.
"...Butters, I want to answer me sincerely," said Ricky carefully. "What is that baby doing?"
"Why, eating on that man's throat! But he don't mind!"
"Now, if the man alive with all that blood?"
"Huh...come to think of it, not really. But I'm sure the baby must be hungry!"
"Yes, hungry because that baby isn't a baby! He's a Nazi Zombie Baby! And he killed that man and eating like a cannibal! Dude, he's dangerous! How can you think of that as cute?!"
"I-I'm sorry..." said Butters, feeling guilty.
Ricky sighed, thinking she was a little bit harsh. "It's fine." Ricky picked up a handgun on the ground and shot the Nazi Zombie Baby in the head, killing it.
"W-whoa!" cried out Jimmy, startled.
"What'd you do that for?!" exclaimed Stan.
"They're not human! They're Nazi Zombies! Like regular zombies!" argued Ricky. "If we wanna get outta here, we gotta kill as many Nazi Zombie Babies as soon as possible!"
"I don't have a problem with that, brah," said Cartman, picking up a gun and shooting the next Nazi Zombie Baby. "See?"
"Oh my God!" cried out Kyle, watching as Sparky had bitten a Nazi Zombie's head so deep, it was killed instantly. "Dude, your dog just killed one!"
"Good-bad dog!" said Stan, unsure what to call his dog for now. He was glad that the monster was dead, but it was plain disgusting to learn his dog was also somewhat a cannibal.
"Holy shit! More are coming!" said Kyle as some Nazi Nombie Babies approached them.
"Meet my righteous fury!" Butters ran towards one of them and slammed its head with his hammer, splatting blood all over. "Oh jeez!"
"Although we had no choice, that's still sick," said Stan, taking out his sword before charging. "HIYAH!" He sliced off a Nazi Zombie Baby's head off and forced himself to puke in a corner.
"Everyone, grab a gun! We're gunning our way out of here!" shouted Kyle, taking a shotgun from the ground.
"Aw, hell yeah!" cheered Cartman before quickly grabbing a small machine gun and shooting all over the area, forcing his allies to drop to the ground and cover their heads for safety. Once Cartman had run out of bullets, all of the remaining Nazi Zombie Babies were already dead. "Yeah! I've got more than that one coming! Just as soon as I find more cartridges of course..."
Ricky, Stan, and Jimmy also grabbed guns and with the six of them, they all started shooting their way out of there, shooting any Nazi Zombie Babies in sight, or any infected soldiers. Every time they shot something, Stan would always puke, and Cartman was the only one enjoying this.
Eventually, they were almost out of the abortion clinic and arrived in the waiting room when they saw two unharmed soldiers, surrounded by dead bodies and blood. "That's it! That's it! The area is secure! Code Green!"
"It's not secure..." mumbled a doctor weakly. He looked bloody and had lots of shots.
"Tell all units that the outbreak has been contained!"
"It's not contained!" shouted the doctor as loud as he could, despite how weak he was.
"What the hell are you talking about?" demanded one of the soldiers.
"It's not contained," the doctor started explaining. "Y-you don't understand...Khloe Kardashian was in here this morning. She had...the biggest abortion I've ever seen..."
At the mention of an abortion, Stan puked at a corner once again. Ricky said, "Oh come on, it can't be that big of an-"
Suddenly, the walls collapsed and the biggest, Nazi Zombie Baby started crawling into the waiting room. "Oh my God!" screamed Kyle as he and his friends backed away. They all warched in horror as the soldiers started shooting at the Nazi Zombie Baby, only to be torn apart in a few mere seconds.
"H-H-h-holy w-w-wow!" sputtered Jimmy.
"That's it! Battle positions, people! Butters, check if the front doors are open!" ordered Ricky, taking out her gun and started to shoot at the Nazi Zombie Baby. "Everyone else, spread out! The baby can't target so many people at once!" Everyone quickly spread around the room except for Stan for he was still puking at a corner.
Butters rushed to the front door and tried to open it, only to discover that some large rocks were blocking the door from opening. "It's no use! I can't open it! Something's blocking it!"
"What do we do?" wondered Kyle.
"Obviously, we got no choice but to fight it!" ordered Ricky, deciding to shoot the Nazi Zombie Baby in the mouth, where it was forced to block with its arms.
"She's right! It'll be like when we fought that asshole in World of Warcraft! It took us like about 17 hours to beat him!" agreed Cartman. The true reason why he wanted to do this was because he liked to shoot things. Especially annoying babies like this one.
"Are you crazy?! That situation was completely different! This is real life!" said Kyle.
Ricky grabbed Kyle by the collar of his shirt and shook him. "Who cares?! And anyways, we have to beat that thing before it gets outside! If it reaches outside, it'll kill more people than in this stupid clinic! Got that?"
Kyle only gazed at her eyes and sighed. "Wow...you have beautiful eyes..."
Before Ricky could say anything, Butters cried out, "Ricky! Kyle! Behind you!" The umbilical cord connected to the Nazi Zombie Baby struck Ricky, causing her to yelp in pain before the cord pulled out of her.
"Ouch! That freakin' hurt!" Ricky rubbed her back and started shooting. "Stan! Hey, Stan! We need you!"
"C-coming!" said Stan, who just finished puking for who knows how many times. He unsheathed his blade and had his dog to support him. No matter what the kids did, they only manage to injure the Nazi Zombie Baby very little, and the umbilical cord wasn't helping one bit.
"Dude, this fatass baby isn't going down! What do we do?!" wondered Kyle. "Ack! I'm out of bullets!"
"M-me too!" said Jimmy, clicking his gun.
"GAAAAH!" yelled Cartman, frustrated since his gun ran out of bullets. He ran towards Butters, grabbed his gun, and started shooting until he realized there were no more bullets left. Then, he dropped the gun and grabbed Stan's before using up the gun. He went for Ricky's, but she slapped his hand away.
"Dude, get your own gun!" shouted Ricky before shooting the last bullet. "Aw, damnit! I ran out of bullets too! Looks like we're going to have to go close combat style!"
"We can't get in close! We've seen what that baby did to those other two guys!" reminded Stan. Then, he spotted his dog eat away the umbilical cord. "Sparky!"
"No, wait! This is good! Watch the baby!" said Ricky, pointing to the Nazi Zombie Baby. The Nazi Zombie Baby was crying out in pain and rolling around the ground as Sparky was eating away the cord. "Attack tthe baby!'
"T-that sounds s-so w-w-wrong i-in so many w-ways," admitted Jimmy as he and the others charged towards the Nazi Zombie Baby. They began attacking the defenceless monster with everything they got, increasing their attacks with each second and slowly weakening the baby until they had to back away as soon as Sparky ate the entire umbilical cord.
"Ew..." said Ricky.
"I'll finish it off!" declared Stan, spinning his sword around before getting into a attack position. He got out some sort of red pen that show a harmless red laser and pointed it at the Nazi Zombie Baby. "Red Rocket!"
Immediantly, Sparky, whose face was covered in blood, stopped chewing on the umbilical cord and bit deep into the Nazi Zombie Baby's head, causing it to squirm and cry. Stan held up his sword and steadied it carefully before charging it at the baby.
He slashed several deep cuts at it and before leaping up, he yelled, "WAY OF THE SWORD!" He brought his sword down from above his head and managed to cut the Nazi Zombie Baby's head so deep, it was enough to kill it, making its body drop dead.
"...Whoo hoo!" cheered Butters before everyone else applauded and surrounded Stan, cheering him on. Stan panted and dropped his sword before sitting down to rest for a bit.
"Great! You guys return to the kingdom, and I'll return back to the girls and inform them what happened," replied Ricky. The others agreed and they made their way to their destinations.
At the girls' meeting room...
"...And that's what happened," said Ricky, exhausted. As soon as she returned to the meeting room, she explained everything that had happened in the abortion clinic.
"Ricky, the girls are very thankful for you texting us the abortion records," thanked Wendy.
"We are one step away from finding out which girl among us is a two-faced bitch," stated Bebe.
"Unfortunately, the records keeper at the abortion clinic is from Paris, and so, everything is written in French."
"Whoever this two-faced bitch is thinks she can outsmart us!" cried out Millie.
"We want to help the boys with their army, but we just can't have a two-faced bitch out there on the loose," explained Wendy. "Just get these documents translated for us, and we promise to help join their army."
"...Why not just use Google Translate?" asked Ricky.
"What was that?"
"Just use Google Translate. It translates one language to another, so just use that."
"Oh, I tried that once, but it didn't work out for me. I got a C for my Spanish test," spoke up one girl.
"The same problem happened to me too!"
"Yeah!"
"That system sucks!"
"Boo!"
"Alright, alright! Maybe the boys will help me out," said Ricky before leaving.
Alright, guys, I know what you were thinking when you learned about the abortion clinic, and there was no way in HELL I was going to let a doctor perform 'that' on Ricky. Okay, maybe the making love thing that night was bad, but this crosses the line! Anyways, read and review!